You Don't Really Know Me: Why Mothers and Daughters Fight and How Both Can Win

By: Terri Apter

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Synopsis: Understand what your teenage daughter really means--and learn to use your arguments to strengthen your bond with her. Mothers and teenage daughters argue more than any other child-parent pair--on average every two-and-a-half days. These quarrels, Terri Apter shows, are attempts to negotiate changes in a relationship that is valued by both mothers and daughters. A daughter often feels her mother doesn't know or understand her, and by fighting hopes to force her mother into a new awareness of who she really is, how she has changed, and what she is now capable of doing and understanding. But mothers often misinterpret their daughter's outbursts as signs of rejection, and they may pull back feeling hurt and confused. Through case studies and conversations between mothers and daughters, Apter shows mothers how to interpret the meanings behind a daughter's angry words and how to emerge from arguments with a new closeness.