The Grass is Always Greener Over the Septic Tank

By: Erma Bombeck

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Synopsis: In The Grass is Always Greener over the Septic Tank, she has written the expose of all exposes -the truth about the suburbs: where they planted trees and crabgrass came up, they planted schools and taxes came up, where they died of old age trying to merge onto the freeway, and where they finally got sex out of the schools and back into the gutter. This is their story-lonely wives having lunch with their wigs, picking fights with the pet hamster, husbands fighting for custody of the lawn and against the dread disease, car-pool crouch. Here you will meet guys and dolls like Barbie and Ken, as well as Wanda the school-bus driver, Ralph the Little League coach who played to lose, and the Ten Most Unwanted Women in the Shopping Center Parking Lot. You will read the confessions of an Officer in the Girl Scout Cookie Corps and learn what it's like to be a dieter in search of a lettuce that tastes like lasagne. In these pages it is revealed that the Suburban Orgy is a Myth, that no one will buy your child at a garage sale, that the washer repairman never comes, that desperate is sending your kids to school wearing broiler-foil, and that a septic tank does not last forever.