What On Earth?: An alien's guide to fixing Britain

By: Count Binface

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Synopsis: The much-needed manifesto by the Sanest Politician in the Entire Cosmos, from capping the price of croissants at £1 to taking over Downing Street.Greetings, life-form! My name is Count Binface. I am an intergalactic space warrior, leader of the Recyclons and three-time British election veteran. And as part of my overarching mission to control the entire omniverse, I have come to conquer Britain. It's not that I want to do this - you need me to. Because the one thing everyone can agree on right now is that Earth is in an absolute state. And of all its messed-up nations, the British are particularly deranged. In this book, I share my story for the first time, my political beliefs and even the occasional recipe, in return for a reasonable - nay, bargain - amount of Earth currency. I also provide an alien's-visor-view of your past, so that you can learn from past mistakes. This isn't the first potted history of Britain ever to be committed to print, but I can guarantee that compared to any others, mine will be the most accurate. If anyone cares to argue about that, which one of us has had access to a time machine? So settle down, grab a beverage, and let's make your planet Count.'Count Binface in his steely, glimmering, elusiveness is both a galactically intimidating - and curiously heartening symbol of the future of British politics - #believeinthebin' Rory Stewart