- Table View
- List View
The Curse of the Campfire Weenies: And Other Warped and Creepy Tales (Weenies Stories)
by David LubarAward-winning storyteller David Lubar's third collection of warped and creepy tales, in which the young protagonists encounter monsters of every kind, from a thirsty vampire and wandering ghost to a dreaded math teacher and overly enthusiastic Girl Scout leader. A boy discovers the answer to one of the great urban mysteries: why are pigeons always pooping in parks? A second-grade class learns why they should always be nice to their math teacher….An ancient predator uses the internet to search out its prey… A young girl and her little brother escape a campfire weenie only to encounter something even more terrifying: a troop of Girl Scouts singing campfire songs. For this, his third collection of warped and creepy "weenie" tales, critically-acclaimed author and master of the macabre David Lubar traveled deep into the shadowy corners of his mind, looking for new ways to amuse and terrify his readers. And in the tradition of In the Land of the Lawn Weenies and Invasion of the Road Weenies, he reveals the inspiration behind each of the thirty-five stories at the end of the book.At the Publisher's request, this title is being sold without Digital Rights Management Software (DRM) applied.
All the Things Santa Claus Will Never Do
by Noé Carlain Ronan BadelImagining Santa Claus in a number of worst-case scenarios shows children that everything may not always go as planned, but Christmas magic will always prevailParents and children will add laughter to their Christmas tradition with a story that reassures them that they'll never be forgottenColorful, silly illustrations depicting Santa in hilarious situations such as taking a selfie with his reindeer enhance the fun and encourage holiday spirit
Snazzy Cat Capers (Snazzy Cat Capers Ser. #1)
by Deanna Kent"I want to be Ophelia when I grow up!! And I want Oscar to be my BFF—Best Fishy Friend! Snazzy Cat Capers is fabulous, funny and fin-tastic fun with illustrations that pounce off the page."—Mo O’Hara, New York Times bestselling author of the My Big Fat Zombie Goldfish seriesLife is short. Diamonds are fur-ever.Internationally famous cat burglar Ophelia von Hairball V adores jewels—the only thing she loves more is a challenge. She's never met a safe she couldn't crack.Now the Furry Feline Burglary Institute (FFBI) offers her the ultimate caper: steal the giant Himalayan diamond and win their top award!There's a catch! The FFBI sends an enthusiastic inventor to help Ophelia...but this cat works alone, and Oscar Fishgerald Gold smells fishy.Can the smartest, stealthiest, and snazziest of cats learn to work with a fintastic sidekick and prove she's still the world's most purr-fect burglar?Adventure, heists, and teamwork abound in this fun, witty middle grade series brimming with cat-tastic black-and-white illustrations.Includes graphic novel-style pages!This book has Common Core connections.Check out the whole Snazzy Cat Capers series!Snazzy Cat CapersSnazzy Cat Capers: The Fast and the FurriestAn Imprint Book
Super Happy Party Bears: Tiny Prancer (Super Happy Party Bears Ser.)
by Marcie ColleenThe seventh book in a funny chapter book series filled with full-color illustrations and adorable animals!It’s the most wonderful time of the year in the Grumpy Woods—the Great Hibernation! Mayor Quill, Humphrey Hedgehog, and the rest of the animals are looking forward to some much-needed rest, but the Super Happy Party Bears want to add more YAY to the holiday—by delivering homemade presents! When the critters of the Grumpy Woods wish for a heavy snowfall to avoid the bears’ cheer, they end up getting completely snowed in at the Grumpy Bog. In the spirit of the season, the bears enlist Dawn Fawn to pull a sleigh full of fa-la-la-la cheer to rescue their neighbors and save the holiday!Read all the Super Happy Party Bears adventures:Super Happy Party Bears: Gnawing Around Super Happy Party Bears: Knock Knock on Wood Super Happy Party Bears: Staying a Hive Super Happy Party Bears: Going Nuts Super Happy Party Bears: Bat to the BoneSuper Happy Party Bears: The JitterbugSuper Happy Party Bears: Cruising for a Snoozing An Imprint Book "The pure delight of the story will easily draw youngsters in and probably turn a few grumpy frowns upside down." ?The Bulletin of the Center for Children's Books (BCCB)
37 Cents a Fart and other Infamous Animal Stories
by Henry HarveyTrue, entertaining stories about real animals accompanied by 60 charming illustrations40+ vignettes about charismatic, humorous, and genius members of the animal kingdomA page turner with funny (sometimes adult funny) twists
Memoirs of Hecate County
by Edmund WilsonControversial upon publication in 1946, Memoirs of Hecate County remained banned for more than a decade before being reissued. A favorite among his own books, Edmund Wilson's erotic and devestating portrait of the upper middle class still holds up today as a corrosive indictment of the adultery and intellectual posturing that lie at the heart of suburban America.
Holy Cow: A Novel
by David DuchovnyA rollicking, globe-trotting adventure with a twist: a four-legged heroine you won't soon forgetElsie Bovary is a cow, and a pretty happy one at that—her long, lazy days are spent eating, napping, and chatting with her best friend, Mallory. One night, Elsie and Mallory sneak out of their pasture; but while Mallory is interested in flirting with the neighboring bulls, Elsie finds herself drawn to the farmhouse. Through the window, she sees the farmer's family gathered around a bright Box God—and what the Box God reveals about something called an "industrial meat farm" shakes Elsie's understanding of her world to its core. There's only one solution: escape to a better, safer world. And so a motley crew is formed: Elsie; Jerry—excuse me, Shalom—a cranky, Torah-reading pig who's recently converted to Judaism; and Tom, a suave (in his own mind, at least) turkey who can't fly, but who can work an iPhone with his beak. Toting stolen passports and slapdash human disguises, they head for the airport. Elsie is our wise-cracking, pop-culture-reference-dropping, slyly witty narrator; Tom—who does eventually learn to fly (sort of)—dispenses psychiatric advice in a fake German accent; and Shalom, rejected by his adopted people in Jerusalem, ends up unexpectedly uniting Israelis and Palestinians. David Duchovny's charismatic creatures point the way toward a mutual understanding and acceptance that the world desperately needs.
Rubber Balls and Liquor
by Gilbert GottfriedNobody ever reads this part of the book. Somebody at the publishing house explained to me that it's actually called the book flap. That sounded dirty, so I giggled for three hours. But it says in my contract that I have to write something over here in this tiny space, even though I don't think anyone will notice. Some people might open up to the middle of the book and start flipping through pages, but nobody will read this part. In fact, I'll bet anything that you're not reading this part now. And if it turns out that you are . . . well, the guy in the bookstore is probably staring at you, saying, "Stop reading that book!" I guess there's a reason bookstores are going out of business, left and right. Cheap fucks like you think it's okay to stand in the aisles and read to your heart's content. So for the sake of bookstores everywhere, buy this fucking book. I myself don't care. I only care about the poor working man. Oh, and the sanctity of the written word. I care about that, too. And in my case, those written words, of course, include fuck, dick, and pussy. In the early 1970s, as our nation's youth railed against every conceivable societal norm, a funny-looking teenage Jew started turning up at open mike nights in various New York City comedy clubs. Surprisingly, he didn't suck. That funny-looking teenage Jew is now the even funnier-looking middle-aged comedian Gilbert Gottfried, who despite his transparent shortcomings has managed to carve out a hardly-respectable career—and a reputation for shock and awe unrivaled outside the Bush administration. With this scathingly funny book of rants and musings, Gottfried sullies an entirely new medium with his dysfunctional worldview.HILARIOUS HIGHLIGHTS INCLUDE:• Gut-wrenching stories from his bizarre childhood• A list of celebrities Gilbert would like to have sex with• A somewhat shorter list of celebrities who would like to have sex with Gilbert• An even shorter list of Gilbert's comely co-stars who have been forced to have sex with him on- screen• Side-splitting tales of the worst gigs he's ever performed• Incredibly awkward encounters with famous people from Gilbert's years as a celebrity (of sorts), including Harrison Ford, Keifer Sutherland, Hugh Hefner and one wildly offensive exchange with Marlee Matlin that left the actress speechless• Signature takes on timeless jokes, presented in a clip‘n save format so humorless readers can commit them to memory or tear them from the book's spine and carry them around in their wallets to amuse their friends• The story behind Gilbert's infamous retelling of the classic "Aristocrats" routine that defined the most recent phase of his career• And much more!
Overstated: A Coast-to-Coast Roast of the 50 States
by Colin QuinnIn Colin Quinn's new book, the popular comedian, social commentator, and star of the shows Red State Blue State and Unconstitutional tackles the condition of our union today.Utah: The Church of States Vermont: The Old Hippie State Florida: The Hot Mess StateArizona: The Instagram Model State Wisconsin: The Diet Starts Tomorrow State The United States is in a fifty-states-wide couples’ counseling session, thinking about filing for divorce. But is that really what we want? Can a nation composed of states that are so different possibly hang together? Colin Quinn, comedian, social commentator, and writer and star of Red State Blue State and Unconstitutional, calls us out state-by-state, from Connecticut to Hawaii. He identifies the hypocrisies inherent in what we claim to believe and what we actually do. Within a framework of big-picture thinking about systems of government—after all, how would you put this country together if you started from scratch today?—to dead-on observations about the quirks and vibes of the citizens in each region, Overstated skewers us all: red, blue, and purple. It’s ultimately infused with the same blend of optimism and practicality that sparked the U.S. into being.
How Hard Can It Be?: A Novel
by Allison PearsonLook, I was doing OK. I got through the oil spill on the road that is turning forty. Lost a little control, but I drove into the skid just like the driving instructors tell you to and afterwards things were fine again, no, really, they were better than fine.Kate Reddy had it all: a nice home, two adorable kids, a good husband. Then her kids became teenagers (read: monsters). Richard, her husband, quit his job, taking up bicycling and therapeutic counseling: drinking green potions, dressing head to toe in Lycra, and spending his time—and their money—on his own therapy. Since Richard no longer sees a regular income as part of the path to enlightenment, it’s left to Kate to go back to work. Companies aren’t necessarily keen on hiring 49-year-old mothers, so Kate does what she must: knocks a few years off her age, hires a trainer, joins a Women Returners group, and prepares a new resume that has a shot at a literary prize for experimental fiction.When Kate manages to secure a job at the very hedge fund she founded, she finds herself in an impossible juggling act: proving herself (again) at work, dealing with teen drama, and trying to look after increasingly frail parents as the clock keeps ticking toward her 50th birthday. Then, of course, an old flame shows up out of the blue, and Kate finds herself facing off with everyone from Russian mobsters to a literal stallion.Surely it will all work out in the end. After all, how hard can it be?Hilarious and poignant, How Hard Can It Be? brings us the new adventures of Kate Reddy, the beleaguered heroine of Allison Pearson's groundbreaking New York Times bestseller I Don't Know How She Does It.
The Fortune Most Likely To . . .: Beauty And Her Boss (once Upon A Fairytale, Book 1) / The Sheriff's Nine-month Surprise (match Made In Haven, Book 1) (The Fortunes of Texas: The Rulebreakers #3)
by Marie FerrarellaA powerful first love… An explosive secret… The Fortunes of Texas: The Rulebreakers continues! Dr. Everett Fortunado is sitting on the biggest secret to hit Texas—but nothing’s more shocking than finding Lila Clark working for the Fortunes. Years ago a teen pregnancy forced her to give up their baby…and Everett. Lila’s not one for second chances, but that won’t stop Everett from trying. Because this time around, he knows the meaning of family. And he wants his—with Lila!
An Inconvenient Affair (The Alpha Brotherhood #1)
by Catherine MannHillary Wright has always been a magnet for Mr. Wrong. Her latest left her in trouble with the law, and to clear her name, she's agreed to an undercover sting-as the "date" for infamous Troy Donavan. The notorious hacker is now a government good guy...and a sexy billionaire playboy. Troy has a reputation as the sort of man she's vowed to avoid, and his secretiveness adds fuel to Hillary's distrust. But with his kisses like molten sin, her fierce resistance is melting. And being sensible in the face of such overpowering desire is just not an option.
From Governess to Society Bride
by Helen DicksonLord Lucas Stainton is in need of a governess. The man is ruthless, rude beyond belief, and Eve Brody wishes him to the devil...but the position is hers if she’ll accept. As sparks fly between her and the magnificent man of the house, Eve learns that, shockingly, the dark-hearted Lord is carrying the weight of ruin on his broad shoulders. Desperately craving the security she’s never had, Eve offers a proposal-in return for her secret fortune, she asks only that he take her hand in marriage...
The Closer You Get
by Kristi GoldTaking their romance on the road?Camille Carson has known performers like Brett Taylor-arrogant, egotistical, incapable of commitment. And Brett, the Texas cowboy turned country music superstar, is no different. She knows that...even if he makes her feel as though she's the only woman in the room when he starts crooning those romantic ballads. Resisting him is impossible.Still, Cammie's smart enough to know that this affair with Brett is as fleeting as her temporary gig with his crew. So when she starts believing his lyrics, she knows she's heaping on the heartache. Yet there's something about him that whispers he might not be just another star. Could be his young daughter waiting in the wings. Could be how he is offstage. If Brett isn't the man Cammie thinks he could be, it's not too late to cut and run. But what if he is?
The Impostor (Avenging Angels #2)
by Cassie MilesAVENGING ANGELSWho was he?The man's name was Dashiell and he was an angel-or at least that's what he told Liz Carradine. But he dressed in a down-to-earth trench coat and a fedora, and he sweet-talked Liz as if he were a wisecracking detective from the 1930s. When he claimed he'd come from heaven to help solve the recent murder of her boss, Liz decided she'd let the sexy guy try to crack the case. Only when she began to fall for Dash did Liz begin to fear that he was telling the truth. She might have found the love of her life...but was he going back to heaven?The sexiest angels this side of heaven!
Mistress Material (Forbidden! #8)
by Sharon KendrickFORBIDDEN!"I want you to become my mistress!"Suzanna was stunned! She was no longer the naive seventeen-year-old who had thrown herself at Pasquale Caliandro; now she was renowned model Suki. Other men might proposition her, but Pasquale had bitterly rejected her seven years ago. True, the electrical charge between them was as strong as ever, but what was that without any tender feelings? He must be mad or have a very warped sense of humor! But, she thought, Pasquale never joked about business—and being his mistress was business...
Remodeling the Bachelor (The Sons of Lily Moreau #1)
by Marie FerrarellaI, Philippe Zabelle (wealthy software designer,callous playboy, totally un-handy man), do hereby hirecontractor Janice Diane Wyatt to renovate my home(but not make significant changes in my life, likemaking me fall for her, a single mom).I give J.D. full authority to choose appliances anddecor-as long as she doesn't distract me from mypoker games or wear anything too revealing....Should J.D. fail to complete this job-or should I be unable to resist her beauty andintelligence-this agreement will be renegotiatedaccording to our mutual desires.
Night Maneuvers: A Team Poseidon Novella (SEAL Brotherhood)
by Tawny WeberA SEAL seeks to protect his secrets from a reporter by seducing her in this sensual novella from a New York Times–bestselling author.Within the elite brotherhood of Navy SEALs, the Poseidon team are the very best—and the most secretive. Convincing a naive journalist not to write a tell-all PR feature should be a piece of cake for Chief Petty Officer Aaron Ward. Especially once he glimpses Bryanna Radisson’s soft, lush curves. His tactic: seduce and destroy . . . Bryanna is no pushover. Aaron’s hard-muscled body makes her crave much more than a story, and she’ll get what she came for. Desire is her weapon of choice, but when this one wild night is over, will Aaron sabotage her plans . . . or lose his heart in collateral damage?Night Maneuvers is a prequel to the Team Poseidon series.
Exposed: Exposed: Her Undercover Millionaire Rafe & Sarah--part Five (The Takeover)
by Michelle CelmerExposing his enemy's foundation as a fraud meant Brandon Dilson must pose as a charity case. In reality, the laid-back ranching magnate knew all about living large. It was exquisite irony that the foundation sent him to an image consultant. And a delicious bonus that she was the gorgeously buttoned-up Paige Adams.For this self-made career woman, their affair was as ill-advised as it was inevitable. Not only had she mixed business with pleasure, she was about to find out she'd fallen for an imposter. But Paige had a surprise for Brandon, as well-one that might alter the course of their lives....
Plain Jane and the Playboy (Fortunes of Texas: Return to Red Rock #1)
by Marie FerrarellaBeing swept into the arms of a tall, dark, gorgeous stranger at midnight only happened in fairy tales. Yet the rugged Texan who suddenly appeared at Jane Gilliam's side was real enough...and so was the soul-scorching kiss they shared as the bells chimed on New Year's Eve. Only Jorge Mendoza wasn't the happily-ever-after type. Or was he?As the confirmed bachelor of the Mendoza clan, Jorge had a reputation to uphold. Until he tasted the sweet passion this far-from-plain Jane was offering. It started as an innocent dare. But was it blossoming into a love that was tempting the commitment-shy playboy to change his wandering ways forever?
Call Me Ishtar: A Novel (Library Of Modern Jewish Literature Ser.)
by Rhoda LermanFrom the award-winning author of God&’s Ear: A &“wildly funny, achingly spiritual, profoundly Jewish and feminist&” satire of religion and gender politics (The New York Times Book Review). Call Me Ishtar is the outrageous manifesto of a goddess determined to right the wrongs of the three-thousand-year-old patriarchy. She is Ishtar: Mother Goddess, Queen of Heaven, Angel of Death, and Whore of Babylon, and, returning to earth in this most recent incarnation, suburban housewife and sexual subversive. Gallivanting through upstate New York, Ishtar breaks into a Hostess factory to taint its products, catapults a rock band to stardom via satanic rituals, and rises from the coffin at her own funeral—all to overthrow the worship of phallic gods and resume her former glory in this &“bouncy, tongue-in-cheek mythmash of The White Goddess and The Feminine Mystique&” (Kirkus Reviews). &“[Lerman&’s] is a unique voice—wildly funny, achingly spiritual, profoundly Jewish and feminist at the same time.&” —The New York Times Book Review
A Bride for the Runaway Groom: The Pregnancy Secret A Bride For The Runaway Groom The Wedding Planner And The Ceo Bound By A Baby Bump (Summer Weddings Ser. #2)
by Scarlet WilsonMillionaire to say "I do"-at last! PR whizz Rose Huntingdon-Cross is drowning under work, but when asked to organize a celebrity wedding party, she can't say no! She enlists millionaire Will Carter to help-after four almost-weddings, he's got plenty of experience! Working alongside this gorgeous-but-enigmatic bachelor, Rose can't help wondering just why he's still single! And as a heart-stopping bond develops between them, dare Rose hope that she can persuade Will this is a once-in-a-lifetime love-that will finally have him saying "I do"?
My Babies and Me (By The Year 2000 Ser. #10)
by Tara Taylor QuinnBy the Year 2000: BABY!What have you resolved to do by the year 2000?Susan Kennedy's going to have a baby...by the time she turns forty. Which is in the year 2000. It's something she's wanted-planned-for the past decade. Now she's got everything she needs to go ahead. A nice home, a successful career, a loving family. Everything except for a husband.She used to have a husband-Michael Kennedy-and that's the man she wants for her baby's father. She only needs Michael's "biological" contribution, though.But then, when Susan's pregnant, she discovers two unexpected complications:1. She loves Michael more than ever and wants him to be her husband again-and a father to his child.2. There isn't goin to be one baby, but two-she's having twins!
Babes in Arms
by Sara OrwigBABY CHASEPregnant Katherine Manchester was on the run and about to become a mom any minute! She had to find a safe place for her baby to be born, fast-and what better place than in rugged rancher Colin Whitefeather's welcoming arms?SURROGATE DADColin had a weakness for strays and beautiful women. And when he delivered Katherine's baby, baby girls were added to his list. Katherine affected him like no woman ever had, but she was afraid of something-or someone. Well, she was about to learn that Colin Whitefeather feared no one-and that nothing would keep him from making them a family.
A Good Place to Hide a Body: Bad Sisters meets The Good Life: a fresh and funny thriller from the Sunday Times bestseller
by Laura Marshall'Can you come round?' Dad says tremulously. 'Of course. Are you OK? Is it Mum?''No!' He almost shouts it. 'Just come quickly. The garden...the...body... we need you, Penny.'For women of Penny's generation, being on hand for elderly parents is just part of life. But for Penny, things have become a little more serious... When she receives a frantic phone call from her parents one night, with express instructions NOT to call the police, Penny rushes over at once. But they haven't had a fall. They haven't forgotten their computer passwords. They've killed someone. And his body is lying in the garden, right next to the rose bushes. Everyone is capable of murder. They just need to meet the right person.