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Holy Cow: A Novel
by David DuchovnyA rollicking, globe-trotting adventure with a twist: a four-legged heroine you won't soon forgetElsie Bovary is a cow, and a pretty happy one at that—her long, lazy days are spent eating, napping, and chatting with her best friend, Mallory. One night, Elsie and Mallory sneak out of their pasture; but while Mallory is interested in flirting with the neighboring bulls, Elsie finds herself drawn to the farmhouse. Through the window, she sees the farmer's family gathered around a bright Box God—and what the Box God reveals about something called an "industrial meat farm" shakes Elsie's understanding of her world to its core. There's only one solution: escape to a better, safer world. And so a motley crew is formed: Elsie; Jerry—excuse me, Shalom—a cranky, Torah-reading pig who's recently converted to Judaism; and Tom, a suave (in his own mind, at least) turkey who can't fly, but who can work an iPhone with his beak. Toting stolen passports and slapdash human disguises, they head for the airport. Elsie is our wise-cracking, pop-culture-reference-dropping, slyly witty narrator; Tom—who does eventually learn to fly (sort of)—dispenses psychiatric advice in a fake German accent; and Shalom, rejected by his adopted people in Jerusalem, ends up unexpectedly uniting Israelis and Palestinians. David Duchovny's charismatic creatures point the way toward a mutual understanding and acceptance that the world desperately needs.
Rubber Balls and Liquor
by Gilbert GottfriedNobody ever reads this part of the book. Somebody at the publishing house explained to me that it's actually called the book flap. That sounded dirty, so I giggled for three hours. But it says in my contract that I have to write something over here in this tiny space, even though I don't think anyone will notice. Some people might open up to the middle of the book and start flipping through pages, but nobody will read this part. In fact, I'll bet anything that you're not reading this part now. And if it turns out that you are . . . well, the guy in the bookstore is probably staring at you, saying, "Stop reading that book!" I guess there's a reason bookstores are going out of business, left and right. Cheap fucks like you think it's okay to stand in the aisles and read to your heart's content. So for the sake of bookstores everywhere, buy this fucking book. I myself don't care. I only care about the poor working man. Oh, and the sanctity of the written word. I care about that, too. And in my case, those written words, of course, include fuck, dick, and pussy. In the early 1970s, as our nation's youth railed against every conceivable societal norm, a funny-looking teenage Jew started turning up at open mike nights in various New York City comedy clubs. Surprisingly, he didn't suck. That funny-looking teenage Jew is now the even funnier-looking middle-aged comedian Gilbert Gottfried, who despite his transparent shortcomings has managed to carve out a hardly-respectable career—and a reputation for shock and awe unrivaled outside the Bush administration. With this scathingly funny book of rants and musings, Gottfried sullies an entirely new medium with his dysfunctional worldview.HILARIOUS HIGHLIGHTS INCLUDE:• Gut-wrenching stories from his bizarre childhood• A list of celebrities Gilbert would like to have sex with• A somewhat shorter list of celebrities who would like to have sex with Gilbert• An even shorter list of Gilbert's comely co-stars who have been forced to have sex with him on- screen• Side-splitting tales of the worst gigs he's ever performed• Incredibly awkward encounters with famous people from Gilbert's years as a celebrity (of sorts), including Harrison Ford, Keifer Sutherland, Hugh Hefner and one wildly offensive exchange with Marlee Matlin that left the actress speechless• Signature takes on timeless jokes, presented in a clip‘n save format so humorless readers can commit them to memory or tear them from the book's spine and carry them around in their wallets to amuse their friends• The story behind Gilbert's infamous retelling of the classic "Aristocrats" routine that defined the most recent phase of his career• And much more!
Overstated: A Coast-to-Coast Roast of the 50 States
by Colin QuinnIn Colin Quinn's new book, the popular comedian, social commentator, and star of the shows Red State Blue State and Unconstitutional tackles the condition of our union today.Utah: The Church of States Vermont: The Old Hippie State Florida: The Hot Mess StateArizona: The Instagram Model State Wisconsin: The Diet Starts Tomorrow State The United States is in a fifty-states-wide couples’ counseling session, thinking about filing for divorce. But is that really what we want? Can a nation composed of states that are so different possibly hang together? Colin Quinn, comedian, social commentator, and writer and star of Red State Blue State and Unconstitutional, calls us out state-by-state, from Connecticut to Hawaii. He identifies the hypocrisies inherent in what we claim to believe and what we actually do. Within a framework of big-picture thinking about systems of government—after all, how would you put this country together if you started from scratch today?—to dead-on observations about the quirks and vibes of the citizens in each region, Overstated skewers us all: red, blue, and purple. It’s ultimately infused with the same blend of optimism and practicality that sparked the U.S. into being.
How Hard Can It Be?: A Novel
by Allison PearsonLook, I was doing OK. I got through the oil spill on the road that is turning forty. Lost a little control, but I drove into the skid just like the driving instructors tell you to and afterwards things were fine again, no, really, they were better than fine.Kate Reddy had it all: a nice home, two adorable kids, a good husband. Then her kids became teenagers (read: monsters). Richard, her husband, quit his job, taking up bicycling and therapeutic counseling: drinking green potions, dressing head to toe in Lycra, and spending his time—and their money—on his own therapy. Since Richard no longer sees a regular income as part of the path to enlightenment, it’s left to Kate to go back to work. Companies aren’t necessarily keen on hiring 49-year-old mothers, so Kate does what she must: knocks a few years off her age, hires a trainer, joins a Women Returners group, and prepares a new resume that has a shot at a literary prize for experimental fiction.When Kate manages to secure a job at the very hedge fund she founded, she finds herself in an impossible juggling act: proving herself (again) at work, dealing with teen drama, and trying to look after increasingly frail parents as the clock keeps ticking toward her 50th birthday. Then, of course, an old flame shows up out of the blue, and Kate finds herself facing off with everyone from Russian mobsters to a literal stallion.Surely it will all work out in the end. After all, how hard can it be?Hilarious and poignant, How Hard Can It Be? brings us the new adventures of Kate Reddy, the beleaguered heroine of Allison Pearson's groundbreaking New York Times bestseller I Don't Know How She Does It.
The Fortune Most Likely To . . .: Beauty And Her Boss (once Upon A Fairytale, Book 1) / The Sheriff's Nine-month Surprise (match Made In Haven, Book 1) (The Fortunes of Texas: The Rulebreakers #3)
by Marie FerrarellaA powerful first love… An explosive secret… The Fortunes of Texas: The Rulebreakers continues! Dr. Everett Fortunado is sitting on the biggest secret to hit Texas—but nothing’s more shocking than finding Lila Clark working for the Fortunes. Years ago a teen pregnancy forced her to give up their baby…and Everett. Lila’s not one for second chances, but that won’t stop Everett from trying. Because this time around, he knows the meaning of family. And he wants his—with Lila!
An Inconvenient Affair (The Alpha Brotherhood #1)
by Catherine MannHillary Wright has always been a magnet for Mr. Wrong. Her latest left her in trouble with the law, and to clear her name, she's agreed to an undercover sting-as the "date" for infamous Troy Donavan. The notorious hacker is now a government good guy...and a sexy billionaire playboy. Troy has a reputation as the sort of man she's vowed to avoid, and his secretiveness adds fuel to Hillary's distrust. But with his kisses like molten sin, her fierce resistance is melting. And being sensible in the face of such overpowering desire is just not an option.
From Governess to Society Bride
by Helen DicksonLord Lucas Stainton is in need of a governess. The man is ruthless, rude beyond belief, and Eve Brody wishes him to the devil...but the position is hers if she’ll accept. As sparks fly between her and the magnificent man of the house, Eve learns that, shockingly, the dark-hearted Lord is carrying the weight of ruin on his broad shoulders. Desperately craving the security she’s never had, Eve offers a proposal-in return for her secret fortune, she asks only that he take her hand in marriage...
The Closer You Get
by Kristi GoldTaking their romance on the road?Camille Carson has known performers like Brett Taylor-arrogant, egotistical, incapable of commitment. And Brett, the Texas cowboy turned country music superstar, is no different. She knows that...even if he makes her feel as though she's the only woman in the room when he starts crooning those romantic ballads. Resisting him is impossible.Still, Cammie's smart enough to know that this affair with Brett is as fleeting as her temporary gig with his crew. So when she starts believing his lyrics, she knows she's heaping on the heartache. Yet there's something about him that whispers he might not be just another star. Could be his young daughter waiting in the wings. Could be how he is offstage. If Brett isn't the man Cammie thinks he could be, it's not too late to cut and run. But what if he is?
The Impostor (Avenging Angels #2)
by Cassie MilesAVENGING ANGELSWho was he?The man's name was Dashiell and he was an angel-or at least that's what he told Liz Carradine. But he dressed in a down-to-earth trench coat and a fedora, and he sweet-talked Liz as if he were a wisecracking detective from the 1930s. When he claimed he'd come from heaven to help solve the recent murder of her boss, Liz decided she'd let the sexy guy try to crack the case. Only when she began to fall for Dash did Liz begin to fear that he was telling the truth. She might have found the love of her life...but was he going back to heaven?The sexiest angels this side of heaven!
Mistress Material (Forbidden! #8)
by Sharon KendrickFORBIDDEN!"I want you to become my mistress!"Suzanna was stunned! She was no longer the naive seventeen-year-old who had thrown herself at Pasquale Caliandro; now she was renowned model Suki. Other men might proposition her, but Pasquale had bitterly rejected her seven years ago. True, the electrical charge between them was as strong as ever, but what was that without any tender feelings? He must be mad or have a very warped sense of humor! But, she thought, Pasquale never joked about business—and being his mistress was business...
Remodeling the Bachelor (The Sons of Lily Moreau #1)
by Marie FerrarellaI, Philippe Zabelle (wealthy software designer,callous playboy, totally un-handy man), do hereby hirecontractor Janice Diane Wyatt to renovate my home(but not make significant changes in my life, likemaking me fall for her, a single mom).I give J.D. full authority to choose appliances anddecor-as long as she doesn't distract me from mypoker games or wear anything too revealing....Should J.D. fail to complete this job-or should I be unable to resist her beauty andintelligence-this agreement will be renegotiatedaccording to our mutual desires.
Night Maneuvers: A Team Poseidon Novella (SEAL Brotherhood)
by Tawny WeberA SEAL seeks to protect his secrets from a reporter by seducing her in this sensual novella from a New York Times–bestselling author.Within the elite brotherhood of Navy SEALs, the Poseidon team are the very best—and the most secretive. Convincing a naive journalist not to write a tell-all PR feature should be a piece of cake for Chief Petty Officer Aaron Ward. Especially once he glimpses Bryanna Radisson’s soft, lush curves. His tactic: seduce and destroy . . . Bryanna is no pushover. Aaron’s hard-muscled body makes her crave much more than a story, and she’ll get what she came for. Desire is her weapon of choice, but when this one wild night is over, will Aaron sabotage her plans . . . or lose his heart in collateral damage?Night Maneuvers is a prequel to the Team Poseidon series.
Exposed: Exposed: Her Undercover Millionaire Rafe & Sarah--part Five (The Takeover)
by Michelle CelmerExposing his enemy's foundation as a fraud meant Brandon Dilson must pose as a charity case. In reality, the laid-back ranching magnate knew all about living large. It was exquisite irony that the foundation sent him to an image consultant. And a delicious bonus that she was the gorgeously buttoned-up Paige Adams.For this self-made career woman, their affair was as ill-advised as it was inevitable. Not only had she mixed business with pleasure, she was about to find out she'd fallen for an imposter. But Paige had a surprise for Brandon, as well-one that might alter the course of their lives....
Plain Jane and the Playboy (Fortunes of Texas: Return to Red Rock #1)
by Marie FerrarellaBeing swept into the arms of a tall, dark, gorgeous stranger at midnight only happened in fairy tales. Yet the rugged Texan who suddenly appeared at Jane Gilliam's side was real enough...and so was the soul-scorching kiss they shared as the bells chimed on New Year's Eve. Only Jorge Mendoza wasn't the happily-ever-after type. Or was he?As the confirmed bachelor of the Mendoza clan, Jorge had a reputation to uphold. Until he tasted the sweet passion this far-from-plain Jane was offering. It started as an innocent dare. But was it blossoming into a love that was tempting the commitment-shy playboy to change his wandering ways forever?
Call Me Ishtar: A Novel (Library Of Modern Jewish Literature Ser.)
by Rhoda LermanFrom the award-winning author of God&’s Ear: A &“wildly funny, achingly spiritual, profoundly Jewish and feminist&” satire of religion and gender politics (The New York Times Book Review). Call Me Ishtar is the outrageous manifesto of a goddess determined to right the wrongs of the three-thousand-year-old patriarchy. She is Ishtar: Mother Goddess, Queen of Heaven, Angel of Death, and Whore of Babylon, and, returning to earth in this most recent incarnation, suburban housewife and sexual subversive. Gallivanting through upstate New York, Ishtar breaks into a Hostess factory to taint its products, catapults a rock band to stardom via satanic rituals, and rises from the coffin at her own funeral—all to overthrow the worship of phallic gods and resume her former glory in this &“bouncy, tongue-in-cheek mythmash of The White Goddess and The Feminine Mystique&” (Kirkus Reviews). &“[Lerman&’s] is a unique voice—wildly funny, achingly spiritual, profoundly Jewish and feminist at the same time.&” —The New York Times Book Review
A Bride for the Runaway Groom: The Pregnancy Secret A Bride For The Runaway Groom The Wedding Planner And The Ceo Bound By A Baby Bump (Summer Weddings Ser. #2)
by Scarlet WilsonMillionaire to say "I do"-at last! PR whizz Rose Huntingdon-Cross is drowning under work, but when asked to organize a celebrity wedding party, she can't say no! She enlists millionaire Will Carter to help-after four almost-weddings, he's got plenty of experience! Working alongside this gorgeous-but-enigmatic bachelor, Rose can't help wondering just why he's still single! And as a heart-stopping bond develops between them, dare Rose hope that she can persuade Will this is a once-in-a-lifetime love-that will finally have him saying "I do"?
My Babies and Me (By The Year 2000 Ser. #10)
by Tara Taylor QuinnBy the Year 2000: BABY!What have you resolved to do by the year 2000?Susan Kennedy's going to have a baby...by the time she turns forty. Which is in the year 2000. It's something she's wanted-planned-for the past decade. Now she's got everything she needs to go ahead. A nice home, a successful career, a loving family. Everything except for a husband.She used to have a husband-Michael Kennedy-and that's the man she wants for her baby's father. She only needs Michael's "biological" contribution, though.But then, when Susan's pregnant, she discovers two unexpected complications:1. She loves Michael more than ever and wants him to be her husband again-and a father to his child.2. There isn't goin to be one baby, but two-she's having twins!
Babes in Arms
by Sara OrwigBABY CHASEPregnant Katherine Manchester was on the run and about to become a mom any minute! She had to find a safe place for her baby to be born, fast-and what better place than in rugged rancher Colin Whitefeather's welcoming arms?SURROGATE DADColin had a weakness for strays and beautiful women. And when he delivered Katherine's baby, baby girls were added to his list. Katherine affected him like no woman ever had, but she was afraid of something-or someone. Well, she was about to learn that Colin Whitefeather feared no one-and that nothing would keep him from making them a family.
A Good Place to Hide a Body: Bad Sisters meets The Good Life: a fresh and funny thriller from the Sunday Times bestseller
by Laura Marshall'Can you come round?' Dad says tremulously. 'Of course. Are you OK? Is it Mum?''No!' He almost shouts it. 'Just come quickly. The garden...the...body... we need you, Penny.'For women of Penny's generation, being on hand for elderly parents is just part of life. But for Penny, things have become a little more serious... When she receives a frantic phone call from her parents one night, with express instructions NOT to call the police, Penny rushes over at once. But they haven't had a fall. They haven't forgotten their computer passwords. They've killed someone. And his body is lying in the garden, right next to the rose bushes. Everyone is capable of murder. They just need to meet the right person.
Making It: Hilarious and heartfelt, the perfect summer romcom
by Laura Kay'A masterful love letter to queer joy' Justin Myers, author of The Fake-Up'Heartbreaking, hopeful, funny. Rarely have I rooted so hard for a character. I loved it!' Suzi RuffellIssy is an artist but the world doesn't know it yet.As someone who self-identifies as 'gay and depressed', Issy keeps her life in Margate small: her mum, her chinchilla, her reliable routine.So when she is offered her dream job at an artist's studio, Issy knows it's time to open herself up to more. Moving to East London, Issy has a lot of firsts to catch up on - navigating a crush on her gorgeous housemate, dating, sex, and obsessing over her boss who she just can't seem to figure out. As pressure mounts, people keep telling Issy she can do anything she sets her mind to. But what if her mind refuses to cooperate . . . ?The latest must-read romcom about friendship, love and finding yourself, perfect for fans of Emily Henry and Bolu Babalola. Hear what everyone's saying about Making It! 'I adored Making It . . . Truly nuanced, sensitive and warm-hearted' Emma Hughes, author of It's Complicated 'Absolutely brilliant - a warm, witty, moving novel from the queen of the gay rom-com!' ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ reader review'Hopeful and hilarious, gentle and wise . . . with squeal-out-loud romantic lines that had me swooning' Lily Lindon, author of Double Booked'One of my standouts for 2024' ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ reader review'Tender, wonderfully funny and desperately human' Lizzie Huxley-Jones, author of Make You Mine This Christmas'Made me laugh and sob in the same chapter . . . a delightful read, and one I would heartily recommend' ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ reader review'A gorgeous feel-good romcom that brought back all the feels . . . the perfect coming-of-age-when-you-leave-home novel' Tania Tay, author of The Other Woman'Warm, wholesome, moving and enjoyable. I absolutely loved this book' ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ reader review
Versions of a Girl: 'A wild, heartbreaking, exhilarating ride' Daisy Buchanan
by Catherine Gray Welbeck Publishing GroupDo we become who we are because of our parents, or in spite of them?Fern's mother is a social climber and a former ballet dancer who lives a plush life in a London townhouse. Fern's father only climbs if there's a bottle at the top, has an IQ of 133 and lives hand-to-mouth in Californian motels.Aged fourteen, Fern has spent equal time with each of her parents. That is, until an unexpected visitor triggers a life-changing dilemma: whether she should get on a plane to London to be with her mother, or stay in California with her father. Here, Fern's narrative splices in two.Two possible lives, one person. Each Fern will grow in wildly different, but eerily similar directions. Both must determine who they want to be - and how they deal with a thorny problem which threatens to undo them all: a murder.Warm and brilliantly wise, this is the irresistible fiction debut from the Sunday Times bestselling author of The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober.
The Love Dare
by Abiola BelloCan a dare made at Notting Hill Carnival turn into true love? He&’s All That meets How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days in this trope-filled sizzling summer romance, perfect for fans of Joya Goffney and Lynn Painter. Popular girl Eva Òjó is used to boys falling for her without her even trying. So when her friend dares her to dance with a random guy at Notting Hill Carnival, she meets Saint. Comic obsessed Saint Rowe-Falade thinks Eva is cute, but he's not interested in her in that way. He&’d rather get lost in stories than look for romance. When Eva&’s birthday party gets out of control and causes damage to her dad&’s beloved car, her friends set the ultimate dare: get Saint to take her on one date and they&’ll help her pay to fix her dad&’s car. Operation fall-in-love-with-Eva is set in motion and Eva makes it her mission to make Saint fall head over heels. But just as Saint starts to warm to Eva, and her own feelings towards him grow, Saint finds out about the dare. Can Eva convince Saint she&’s truly into him, or has she lost him for good?PRAISE FOR ABIOLA BELLO'S LOVE IN WINTER WONDERLAND: &‘A screen-worthy holiday romance.&’ Joya Goffney, author of Excuse Me While I Ugly Cry &‘Gorgeous writing, witty dialogue, a magical setting and two characters you'll fall head over heels for.&’ Jennifer Niven, author of All the Bright Places &‘I devoured this delicious YA rom-com. A treat to read any time of year.&’ Katherine Webber, author of Twin Crowns &‘A wonderfully warm love story.&’ Candice Brathwaite, author of Cuts Both Ways &‘A warm and cosy read that pulls you into the perfect winter romance. Abiola has given us all a gift to swoon over.&’ Benjamin Dean, author of The King is Dead
Worst Week Ever! Friday (Worst Week Ever! #5)
by Matt Cosgrove Eva AmoresHave YOU ever had a bad week? The hilarious new series taking the world by storm. He&’s fallen down a giant hole, he&’s plummeted down to the very depths, he&’s TRAPPED underground in the darkest, dingiest, most abysmal abyss. Justin Chase is having the WORST WEEK EVER! There&’s no bright side this time as Justin must blindly face what lies below, be it friend, foe or fatberg... Against all odds, he survived the trials and torments of Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday AND Thursday, but now it's ... FRIDAY!The fifth book in the hilarious new seven-part highly-illustrated series for fans of Tom Gates, Diary of a Wimpy Kid and the Treehouse series.
Making It: Hilarious and heartfelt, the perfect summer romcom
by Laura Kay'A masterful love letter to queer joy' Justin Myers, author of The Fake-Up'Heartbreaking, hopeful, funny. Rarely have I rooted so hard for a character. I loved it!' Suzi RuffellIssy is an artist but the world doesn't know it yet.As someone who self-identifies as 'gay and depressed', Issy keeps her life in Margate small: her mum, her chinchilla, her reliable routine.So when she is offered her dream job at an artist's studio, Issy knows it's time to open herself up to more. Moving to East London, Issy has a lot of firsts to catch up on - navigating a crush on her gorgeous housemate, dating, sex, and obsessing over her boss who she just can't seem to figure out. As pressure mounts, people keep telling Issy she can do anything she sets her mind to. But what if her mind refuses to cooperate . . . ?The latest must-read romcom about friendship, love and finding yourself, perfect for fans of Emily Henry and Bolu Babalola. Hear what everyone's saying about Making It! 'I adored Making It . . . Truly nuanced, sensitive and warm-hearted' Emma Hughes, author of It's Complicated 'Absolutely brilliant - a warm, witty, moving novel from the queen of the gay rom-com!' ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ reader review'Hopeful and hilarious, gentle and wise . . . with squeal-out-loud romantic lines that had me swooning' Lily Lindon, author of Double Booked'One of my standouts for 2024' ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ reader review'Tender, wonderfully funny and desperately human' Lizzie Huxley-Jones, author of Make You Mine This Christmas'Made me laugh and sob in the same chapter . . . a delightful read, and one I would heartily recommend' ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ reader review'A gorgeous feel-good romcom that brought back all the feels . . . the perfect coming-of-age-when-you-leave-home novel' Tania Tay, author of The Other Woman'Warm, wholesome, moving and enjoyable. I absolutely loved this book' ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ reader review
The Heart of Christmas
by Tara Taylor QuinnThis Christmas, she's got her very own St. Nick!With her business sold and her family out of reach, Abby Hayden's at loose ends.But if Abby doesn't have enough to occupy her time, Dr. Nick McIntrye has too much. So many people rely on him for help and guidance.... No wonder Abby calls him "St. Nick."Nick has a proposition for Abby, one he thinks will benefit them both. He persuades her to work at a home he's established for pregnant teens, girls who'll be giving up their babies for adoption.That's where Abby learns she has a special gift: she knows how to make these girls feel loved and valued, despite their mistakes, despite their fears and lost confidence. And she receives a special gift herself-her very own St. Nick. Not just this Christmas, but for all the Christmases to come!"Tara Taylor Quinn is, without doubt, one of the rising stars of romance. Watch her shine!"-Jennifer Blake, author of Kane