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The Eight Reindeer of the Apocalypse: A J. W. Wells Novel
by Tom HoltWelcome to Dawson, Ahriman & Dawson!*The team of commercial sorcerers at Dawson, Ahriman & Dawson can help with any metaphysical engineering project, large or small. (Though by definition, they all tend to be pretty large.)They can also create massive great puddles of chaos that might one day swallow up the entire universe.Take, for example, the decision to recruit a certain bearded fellow whose previous work experience mainly involves reindeer and jingle bells. It might have seemed like a good idea at the time, but is he really the best person to save the world from Tiamat the Destroyer?Find out today in Tom Holt's brilliantly funny new novel set in the world of The Portable Door (now a delightful movie starring Patrick Gibson, Sophie Wilde, and Christoph Waltz).*By reading beyond this point you agree to comply with certain terms and conditions that are mostly reasonablebut confidential. Dawson, Ahriman & Dawson management reserves the right to terminate any employees or clients, human or otherwise.
The Eight Reindeer of the Apocalypse
by Tom HoltTom Holt&’s brilliantly funny new novel set in the world of The Portable Door (now a delightful movie starring Patrick Gibson, Sophie Wilde, and Christoph Waltz). The team of commercial sorcerers at Dawson, Ahriman & Dawson can help with any metaphysical engineering project, large or small (though by definition they all tend to be pretty large). They can also create massive great puddles of chaos that might one day swallow up the entire universe. Take, for example, the decision to recruit a certain bearded fellow whose previous work experience mainly involves reindeer and jingle bells. It might have seemed like a good idea at the time, but is he really the best person to save the world from Tiamat the Destroyer, who has literally gone ballistic? For more from Tom Holt, check out:An Orc on the Wild SideThe Management Style of the Supreme BeingsThe Good, The Bad, and the SmugThe Outsorcerer's ApprenticeWhen It's a JarDoughnutLife, Liberty, and the Pursuit of SausagesBlonde Bombshell
Expecting Someone Taller
by Tom HoltAll Malcolm Fisher did was run over a badger. Unfortunately the badger turned out to be Ingolf, last of the giants. With his dying breath he reluctantly gave Malcolm two gifts of power and made him ruler of the world.
Expecting Someone Taller
by Tom Holt'Crazy, absurd, complex and hilarious . . . His writing is in the same mould as that of Terry Pratchett, Douglas Adams and Jasper Fforde' - TheBookBag.co.uk'Wacky humour bubbles through the polished narrative . . . Holt doesn't skimp on the flashes of brilliance' - SFXAll Malcolm Fisher did was run over a badger. Unfortunately the badger turned out to be Ingolf, last of the giants. With his dying breath he reluctantly gave Malcolm two gifts of power and made him ruler of the world. From one of the best-loved comic writers in fantasy fiction comes another absurdly witty title - perfect for fans of Douglas Adams or Terry Pratchett.Books by Tom Holt: Walled Orchard Series Goatsong The Walled Orchard J.W. Wells & Co. Series The Portable Door In Your Dreams Earth, Air, Fire and Custard You Don't Have to Be Evil to Work Here, But It Helps The Better Mousetrap May Contain Traces of Magic Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Sausages YouSpace Series Doughnut When It's A Jar The Outsorcerer's Apprentice The Good, the Bad and the Smug Novels Expecting Someone Taller Who's Afraid of Beowulf Flying Dutch Ye Gods! Overtime Here Comes the Sun Grailblazers Faust Among Equals Odds and Gods Djinn Rummy My Hero Paint your Dragon Open Sesame Wish you Were Here Alexander at World's End Only Human Snow White and the Seven Samurai Olympiad Valhalla Nothing But Blue Skies Falling SidewaysLittle PeopleSong for NeroMeadowlandBarkingBlonde BombshellThe Management Style of the Supreme BeingsAn Orc on the Wild Side
Falling Sideways
by Tom HoltFrom the moment Homo Sapiens descended from the trees, possibly onto their heads, humanity has striven towards civilization. Fire. The Wheel. Running Away from furry things with more teeth than one might reasonably expect-all are testament to man's ultimate supremacy. It is a noble story and so, of course, complete and utter fiction. For one man has discovered the hideous truth: that humanity's ascent to civilization has been ruthlessly guided by a small gang of devious frogs. The man's name is David Perkins, and his theory is not, on the whole, widely admired, particularly not by the frogs themselves, who had invested a great deal of time and effort in keeping the whole thing quiet.
Falling Sideways
by Tom HoltFrom the moment the first Homo Sapiens descended from the trees, possibly onto their heads, humanity has striven towards civilisation. Fire. The Wheel. Running Away from furry things with big teeth and, after a great deal of time, coming back and bravely nuking their descendants from orbit, are all testament to man's ultimate ascendancy.It is a noble story, a triumph of intelligence over adversity and, of course, completely and utterly wrong.For one man believes he has discovered the hideous truth: that every great civilisation in history has, rather embarrassingly, been founded, run and then cunningly manipulated by a small gang of devious frogs.More information on this book and others can be found on the Orbit website at www.orbitbooks.co.uk
Falling Sideways
by Tom HoltFrom the moment the first Homo Sapiens descended from the trees, possibly onto their heads, humanity has striven towards civilisation. Fire. The Wheel. Running Away from furry things with big teeth and, after a great deal of time, coming back and bravely nuking their descendants from orbit, are all testament to man's ultimate ascendancy.It is a noble story, a triumph of intelligence over adversity and, of course, completely and utterly wrong.For one man believes he has discovered the hideous truth: that every great civilisation in history has, rather embarrassingly, been founded, run and then cunningly manipulated by a small gang of devious frogs.More information on this book and others can be found on the Orbit website at www.orbitbooks.co.uk
Faust Among Equals
by Tom Holt'Another imaginative and seriously funny novel from a master of the humorous fantasy genre.' - Books Magazine'Only a writer like Holt could make this work quite so well, and he does with great skill. Lots of fun.' - Manchester Evening NewsThe management buy-out of Hell wasn't going quite as well as had been hoped. For a start, there had been that nasty business with the perjurors, and then came the news that the Most Wanted Man in History had escaped, and all just as the plans for the new theme park, EuroBosch, were underway.From one of the best-loved comic writers in fantasy fiction comes another absurdly witty title - perfect for fans of Douglas Adams or Terry Pratchett.Books by Tom Holt: Walled Orchard Series Goatsong The Walled Orchard J.W. Wells & Co. Series The Portable Door In Your Dreams Earth, Air, Fire and Custard You Don't Have to Be Evil to Work Here, But It Helps The Better Mousetrap May Contain Traces of Magic Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Sausages YouSpace Series Doughnut When It's A Jar The Outsorcerer's Apprentice The Good, the Bad and the Smug Novels Expecting Someone Taller Who's Afraid of Beowulf Flying Dutch Ye Gods! Overtime Here Comes the Sun Grailblazers Faust Among Equals Odds and Gods Djinn Rummy My Hero Paint your Dragon Open Sesame Wish you Were Here Alexander at World's End Only Human Snow White and the Seven Samurai Olympiad Valhalla Nothing But Blue Skies Falling SidewaysLittle PeopleSong for NeroMeadowlandBarkingBlonde BombshellThe Management Style of the Supreme BeingsAn Orc on the Wild Side
Faust Among Equals
by Tom Holt'Another imaginative and seriously funny novel from a master of the humorous fantasy genre.' - Books Magazine'Only a writer like Holt could make this work quite so well, and he does with great skill. Lots of fun.' - Manchester Evening NewsThe management buy-out of Hell wasn't going quite as well as had been hoped. For a start, there had been that nasty business with the perjurors, and then came the news that the Most Wanted Man in History had escaped, and all just as the plans for the new theme park, EuroBosch, were underway.From one of the best-loved comic writers in fantasy fiction comes another absurdly witty title - perfect for fans of Douglas Adams or Terry Pratchett.Books by Tom Holt: Walled Orchard Series Goatsong The Walled Orchard J.W. Wells & Co. Series The Portable Door In Your Dreams Earth, Air, Fire and Custard You Don't Have to Be Evil to Work Here, But It Helps The Better Mousetrap May Contain Traces of Magic Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Sausages YouSpace Series Doughnut When It's A Jar The Outsorcerer's Apprentice The Good, the Bad and the Smug Novels Expecting Someone Taller Who's Afraid of Beowulf Flying Dutch Ye Gods! Overtime Here Comes the Sun Grailblazers Faust Among Equals Odds and Gods Djinn Rummy My Hero Paint your Dragon Open Sesame Wish you Were Here Alexander at World's End Only Human Snow White and the Seven Samurai Olympiad Valhalla Nothing But Blue Skies Falling SidewaysLittle PeopleSong for NeroMeadowlandBarkingBlonde BombshellThe Management Style of the Supreme BeingsAn Orc on the Wild Side
Flying Dutch
by Tom HoltVanderdecken, the Flying Dutchman, did not, as is believed, make a deal with the Devil which left him cast away for centuries. The truth is different, and very confusing.
The Good, the Bad and the Smug: YouSpace Book 4 (YouSpace)
by Tom Holt'This is a must-read for those who grew up in awe of The Phantom Tollbooth...Holt achieves near-perfection in his new comic fantasy.' - Publishers Weekly, starred review'Exceedingly clever and funny.' - RT Book ReviewsNew Evil.Same as the Old Evil, but with better PR.Mordak isn't bad, as far as goblin kings go, but when someone, or something, starts pumping gold into the human kingdoms it puts his rule into serious jeopardy. Suddenly he's locked in an arms race with a species whose arms he once considered merely part of a calorie-controlled diet.Helped by an elf with a background in journalism and a masters degree in being really pleased with herself, Mordak sets out to discover what on earth (if indeed, that's where he is) is going on. He knows that the truth is out there. If only he could remember where he put it.A witty fantasy novel of good, evil and everything inbetween, from one of Britain's best-loved comic writers - perfect for fans of Terry Pratchett or Douglas Adams.Books by Tom Holt: Walled Orchard Series Goatsong The Walled Orchard J.W. Wells & Co. Series The Portable Door In Your Dreams Earth, Air, Fire and Custard You Don't Have to Be Evil to Work Here, But It Helps The Better Mousetrap May Contain Traces of Magic Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Sausages YouSpace Series Doughnut When It's A Jar The Outsorcerer's Apprentice The Good, the Bad and the Smug Novels Expecting Someone Taller Who's Afraid of Beowulf Flying Dutch Ye Gods! Overtime Here Comes the Sun Grailblazers Faust Among Equals Odds and Gods Djinn Rummy My Hero Paint your Dragon Open Sesame Wish you Were Here Alexander at World's End Only Human Snow White and the Seven Samurai Olympiad Valhalla Nothing But Blue Skies Falling SidewaysLittle PeopleSong for NeroMeadowlandBarkingBlonde BombshellThe Management Style of the Supreme BeingsAn Orc on the Wild Side
The Good, The Bad and The Smug
by Tom HoltA new novel from a master of comic fantasy, Tom Holt. New Evil. Same as the Old Evil, but with better PR. Mordak isn't bad, as far as goblin kings go, but when someone, or something, starts pumping gold into the human kingdoms it puts his rule into serious jeopardy. Suddenly he's locked in an arms race with a species whose arms he once considered merely part of a calorie-controlled diet. Helped by an elf with a background in journalism and a masters degree in being really pleased with herself, Mordak sets out to discover what on earth (if indeed, that's where he is) is going on. He knows that the truth is out there. If only he could remember where he put it.
The Good, the Bad and the Smug: YouSpace Book 4 (YouSpace)
by Tom Holt'This is a must-read for those who grew up in awe of The Phantom Tollbooth...Holt achieves near-perfection in his new comic fantasy.' - Publishers Weekly, starred review'Exceedingly clever and funny.' RT Book ReviewsNew Evil.Same as the Old Evil, but with better PR.Mordak isn't bad, as far as goblin kings go, but when someone, or something, starts pumping gold into the human kingdoms it puts his rule into serious jeopardy. Suddenly he's locked in an arms race with a species whose arms he once considered merely part of a calorie-controlled diet.Helped by an elf with a background in journalism and a masters degree in being really pleased with herself, Mordak sets out to discover what on earth (if indeed, that's where he is) is going on. He knows that the truth is out there. If only he could remember where he put it.A witty fantasy novel of good, evil and everything inbetween, from one of Britain's best-loved comic writers - perfect for fans of Terry Pratchett or Douglas Adams.Books by Tom Holt:Walled Orchard SeriesGoatsongThe Walled OrchardJ.W. Wells & Co. SeriesThe Portable DoorIn Your DreamsEarth, Air, Fire and CustardYou Don't Have to Be Evil to Work Here, But It HelpsThe Better MousetrapMay Contain Traces of MagicLife, Liberty and the Pursuit of SausagesYouSpace SeriesDoughnutWhen It's A JarThe Outsorcerer's ApprenticeThe Good, the Bad and the SmugNovelsExpecting Someone TallerWho's Afraid of BeowulfFlying DutchYe Gods!OvertimeHere Comes the SunGrailblazersFaust Among EqualsOdds and GodsDjinn RummyMy HeroPaint your DragonOpen SesameWish you Were HereAlexander at World's EndOnly HumanSnow White and the Seven SamuraiOlympiadValhallaNothing But Blue SkiesFalling SidewaysLittle PeopleSong for NeroMeadowlandBarkingBlonde BombshellThe Management Style of the Supreme BeingsAn Orc on the Wild Side
Grailblazers
by Tom HoltFifteen hundred years have passed and the Holy Grail is still missing, presumed ineffable. The knights have dumped the quest and now deliver pizzas, while the sinister financial services of the lost kingdom of Atlantis threatens the universe with fiscal Armageddon.
Grailblazers
by Tom HoltFifteen hundred years have passed and the Holy Grail is still missing, presumed ineffable. The knights have dumped the quest and now deliver pizzas, while the sinister financial services of the lost kingdom of Atlantis threatens the universe with fiscal Armageddon.
Here Comes The Sun
by Tom Holt'This is comedy with a very wide grin' - INTERZONE'It had both myself and the person sitting next to me on the train laughing out loud' - STARBURSTAll is not well with the universe - cutbacks have taken their toll, and the sun is dirty and late, thanks to being 30 billion miles overdue on its next service. None of the committees can agree on anything, and extreme measures seem called for.Books by Tom Holt: Walled Orchard Series Goatsong The Walled Orchard J.W. Wells & Co. Series The Portable Door In Your Dreams Earth, Air, Fire and Custard You Don't Have to Be Evil to Work Here, But It Helps The Better Mousetrap May Contain Traces of Magic Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Sausages YouSpace Series Doughnut When It's A Jar The Outsorcerer's Apprentice The Good, the Bad and the Smug Novels Expecting Someone Taller Who's Afraid of Beowulf Flying Dutch Ye Gods! Overtime Here Comes the Sun Grailblazers Faust Among Equals Odds and Gods Djinn Rummy My Hero Paint your Dragon Open Sesame Wish you Were Here Alexander at World's End Only Human Snow White and the Seven Samurai Olympiad Valhalla Nothing But Blue Skies Falling SidewaysLittle PeopleSong for NeroMeadowlandBarkingBlonde BombshellThe Management Style of the Supreme BeingsAn Orc on the Wild Side
Here Comes the Sun
by Tom HoltAll is not well with the universe - cutbacks have taken their toll, and the sun is dirty and late, thanks to being 30 billion miles overdue on its next service. None of the committees can agree on anything, and extreme measures seem called for.
In Your Dreams
by Tom HoltEver been offered a promotion that seems too good to be true? The kind where you snap their arm off to accept, then wonder why all your long-serving colleagues look secretly relieved, as if they're off some strange and unpleasant hook? It's the kind of trick that deeply sinister companies like J.W. Wells & Co. pull all the time. Especially with employees who are too busy mooning over the office intern to think about what they're getting into. And it's why, right about now, Paul Carpenter is wishing he'd paid much less attention to the gorgeous Melze, and rather more to a little bit of job description small-print referring to "pest" control.
In Your Dreams: J.W. Wells & Co. Book 2 (J.W. Wells & Co. #2)
by Tom Holt'A definite must for all fans of comic fantasy' - ENIGMA'Wacky humour bubbles through the polished narrative ... Holt doesn't skimp on the flashes of brilliance' - SFXEver been offered a promotion that seems too good to be true? You know - the sort they'd be insane to be offering to someone like you. The kind where you snap their arm off to accept, then wonder why all your long-serving colleagues look secretly relieved, as if they're off some strange and unpleasant hook ...It's the kind of trick that deeply sinister companies like J.W. Wells & Co. pull all the time. Especially with employees who are too busy mooning over the office intern to think about what they're getting into. And it's why, right about now, Paul Carpenter is wishing he'd paid much less attention to the gorgeous Melze, and rather more to a little bit of job description small-print referring to 'pest' control ...Books by Tom Holt: Walled Orchard Series Goatsong The Walled Orchard J.W. Wells & Co. Series The Portable Door In Your Dreams Earth, Air, Fire and Custard You Don't Have to Be Evil to Work Here, But It Helps The Better Mousetrap May Contain Traces of Magic Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Sausages YouSpace Series Doughnut When It's A Jar The Outsorcerer's Apprentice The Good, the Bad and the Smug Novels Expecting Someone Taller Who's Afraid of Beowulf Flying Dutch Ye Gods! Overtime Here Comes the Sun Grailblazers Faust Among Equals Odds and Gods Djinn Rummy My Hero Paint your Dragon Open Sesame Wish you Were Here Alexander at World's End Only Human Snow White and the Seven Samurai Olympiad Valhalla Nothing But Blue Skies Falling SidewaysLittle PeopleSong for NeroMeadowlandBarkingBlonde BombshellThe Management Style of the Supreme BeingsAn Orc on the Wild Side
In Your Dreams: J.W. Wells & Co. Book 2
by Tom Holt'A definite must for all fans of comic fantasy' - ENIGMA'Wacky humour bubbles through the polished narrative ... Holt doesn't skimp on the flashes of brilliance' - SFXEver been offered a promotion that seems too good to be true? You know - the sort they'd be insane to be offering to someone like you. The kind where you snap their arm off to accept, then wonder why all your long-serving colleagues look secretly relieved, as if they're off some strange and unpleasant hook ...It's the kind of trick that deeply sinister companies like J.W. Wells & Co. pull all the time. Especially with employees who are too busy mooning over the office intern to think about what they're getting into. And it's why, right about now, Paul Carpenter is wishing he'd paid much less attention to the gorgeous Melze, and rather more to a little bit of job description small-print referring to 'pest' control ...Books by Tom Holt: Walled Orchard Series Goatsong The Walled Orchard J.W. Wells & Co. Series The Portable Door In Your Dreams Earth, Air, Fire and Custard You Don't Have to Be Evil to Work Here, But It Helps The Better Mousetrap May Contain Traces of Magic Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Sausages YouSpace Series Doughnut When It's A Jar The Outsorcerer's Apprentice The Good, the Bad and the Smug Novels Expecting Someone Taller Who's Afraid of Beowulf Flying Dutch Ye Gods! Overtime Here Comes the Sun Grailblazers Faust Among Equals Odds and Gods Djinn Rummy My Hero Paint your Dragon Open Sesame Wish you Were Here Alexander at World's End Only Human Snow White and the Seven Samurai Olympiad Valhalla Nothing But Blue Skies Falling SidewaysLittle PeopleSong for NeroMeadowlandBarkingBlonde BombshellThe Management Style of the Supreme BeingsAn Orc on the Wild Side
In Your Dreams: J.W. Wells & Co. Book 2 (J.W. Wells & Co. #2)
by Tom Holt'A definite must for all fans of comic fantasy' - ENIGMA'Wacky humour bubbles through the polished narrative ... Holt doesn't skimp on the flashes of brilliance' - SFXEver been offered a promotion that seems too good to be true? You know - the sort they'd be insane to be offering to someone like you. The kind where you snap their arm off to accept, then wonder why all your long-serving colleagues look secretly relieved, as if they're off some strange and unpleasant hook ...It's the kind of trick that deeply sinister companies like J.W. Wells & Co. pull all the time. Especially with employees who are too busy mooning over the office intern to think about what they're getting into. And it's why, right about now, Paul Carpenter is wishing he'd paid much less attention to the gorgeous Melze, and rather more to a little bit of job description small-print referring to 'pest' control ...Books by Tom Holt:Walled Orchard SeriesGoatsongThe Walled OrchardJ.W. Wells & Co. SeriesThe Portable DoorIn Your DreamsEarth, Air, Fire and CustardYou Don't Have to Be Evil to Work Here, But It HelpsThe Better MousetrapMay Contain Traces of MagicLife, Liberty and the Pursuit of SausagesYouSpace SeriesDoughnutWhen It's A JarThe Outsorcerer's ApprenticeThe Good, the Bad and the SmugNovelsExpecting Someone TallerWho's Afraid of BeowulfFlying DutchYe Gods!OvertimeHere Comes the SunGrailblazersFaust Among EqualsOdds and GodsDjinn RummyMy HeroPaint your DragonOpen SesameWish you Were HereAlexander at World's EndOnly HumanSnow White and the Seven SamuraiOlympiadValhallaNothing But Blue SkiesFalling SidewaysLittle PeopleSong for NeroMeadowlandBarkingBlonde BombshellThe Management Style of the Supreme BeingsAn Orc on the Wild Side
Life, Liberty And The Pursuit Of Sausages: J.W. Wells & Co. Book 7 (J.W. Wells & Co. #7)
by Tom Holt'Anything can happen... You turn the pages wondering, 'Whatever next?''' - SFXPolly, an average, completely ordinary property lawyer, is convinced she's losing her mind. Someone keeps drinking her coffee. And talking to her clients. And doing her job. And when she goes to the dry cleaner's to pick up her dress for the party, it's not there. Not the dress - the dry cleaner's.And then there are the chickens who think they are people. Something strange is definitely going on - and it's going to take more than a magical ring to sort it out.A wonderfully quirky and comedic outing from the hugely talented Tom HoltBooks by Tom Holt: Walled Orchard Series Goatsong The Walled Orchard J.W. Wells & Co. Series The Portable Door In Your Dreams Earth, Air, Fire and Custard You Don't Have to Be Evil to Work Here, But It Helps The Better Mousetrap May Contain Traces of Magic Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Sausages YouSpace Series Doughnut When It's A Jar The Outsorcerer's Apprentice The Good, the Bad and the Smug Novels Expecting Someone Taller Who's Afraid of Beowulf Flying Dutch Ye Gods! Overtime Here Comes the Sun Grailblazers Faust Among Equals Odds and Gods Djinn Rummy My Hero Paint your Dragon Open Sesame Wish you Were Here Alexander at World's End Only Human Snow White and the Seven Samurai Olympiad Valhalla Nothing But Blue Skies Falling SidewaysLittle PeopleSong for NeroMeadowlandBarkingBlonde BombshellThe Management Style of the Supreme BeingsAn Orc on the Wild Side
Life, Liberty And The Pursuit Of Sausages: J.W. Wells & Co. Book 7 (J.W. Wells & Co. #7)
by Tom HoltPolly, an average, completely ordinary property lawywer, is convinced she's losing her mind. Someone keeps drinking her coffee. And talking to her clients. And doing her job. And when she goes to the dry cleaner's to pick up her dress for the party, it's not there. Not the dress - the dry cleaner's.And then there are the chickens who think they are people. Something strange is definitely going on - and it's going to take more than a magical ring to sort it out.
Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Sausages
by Tom HoltPolly is a real estate solicitor. She is also losing her mind. Someone keeps drinking her coffee. And talking to her clients. And doing her job. And when she goes to the dry cleaner's to pick up her dress for the party, it's not there. Not the dress - the dry cleaner's. And then there are the chickens who think they are people. Something strange is definitely going on - and it's going to take more than a magical ring to sort it out. From one of the funniest voices in comic fiction today comes a hilarious tale of pigs and parallel worlds.
Little People
by Tom Holt"I was eight years old when I saw my first elf." And for unlikely hero Michael it was his last. Cruella, Michael's unfortunately named girlfriend, doesn't approve of his obsession with the little people. But the problem is that they won't leave him alone. And who can blame them when it's Michael's own stepfather who's responsible for causing them so much misery? Oh yes. Daddy George knows that elves can do so much more than gardening.