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52 Things to Do While You Poo: The Fart Edition
by Hugh JassburnFrom the bestselling author of 52 Things to Do While You Poo, this hilarious mix of fart-themed puzzles and trivia will blow your socks off!Roaring from the rear, belching from behind, tooting the trouser trumpet – whatever you call it, we all fart, some of us more than others (and some a lot more than others).Everyone knows a committed farter – with their knowing smile, never shying away from taking full responsibility. So give them the recognition they deserve: a book celebrating their greatest skill, full of activities and puzzles to keep them engrossed, along with fascinating fart facts that’ll blow their mind.From bestselling author and brain-teaser Hugh Jassburn, this illustrated collection includes the following delights and more:Find the “stink”, “smell” and “stench” in one of many word searchesDiscover the chemical composition of farts and how much gas you pass per daySpot the differences between flatulent attendees at a yoga classFill in the fart clouds in several rounds of sudokuEnjoy a selection of fart quotes from the likes of Robin Williams, Andy Samberg and Billy ConnollyWhether you’re on the john or under the covers, 52 Things to Do While You Poo: The Fart Edition is an unforgettable experience, as playful as it is pungent.
52 Things to Do While You Poo: Puzzles, Activities and Trivia to Keep You Occupied
by Hugh JassburnThe average person spends three years of their life on the toilet – and when you have nothing to do but poo, perching on the porcelain can be very boring. But fear not! Thanks to this book, you can say goodbye to this everyday tedium.World-renowned excretion expert Hugh Jassburn has compiled a compendium of entertaining activities and informative fun that will make you want to stay put, even if you don’t need to go. Try your hand at word searches and fiendish hidden-picture games, or test yourself with maze puzzles and brain-twisters. You can also enjoy a roll-call of mind-blowing lavatory facts you never knew you needed until now.So, pick up this book and start to make the most of your time on the toilet, because working your brain and your butt simultaneously has never been easier or more enjoyable. Doing a number two will never be the same again. “Every toilet should have a copy of this book next to it.” Frank Aeces, WHAT TOILET? magazine “From poo puzzles to poo facts, pooing has never been so much fun.” Dr Dum Ping, POO MONTHLY
52 Things to Do While You Poo: The Fart Edition
by Hugh JassburnFrom the bestselling author of 52 Things to Do While You Poo, this hilarious mix of fart-themed puzzles and trivia will blow your socks off!Roaring from the rear, belching from behind, tooting the trouser trumpet – whatever you call it, we all fart, some of us more than others (and some a lot more than others).Everyone knows a committed farter – with their knowing smile, never shying away from taking full responsibility. So give them the recognition they deserve: a book celebrating their greatest skill, full of activities and puzzles to keep them engrossed, along with fascinating fart facts that’ll blow their mind.From bestselling author and brain-teaser Hugh Jassburn, this illustrated collection includes the following delights and more:Find the “stink”, “smell” and “stench” in one of many word searchesDiscover the chemical composition of farts and how much gas you pass per daySpot the differences between flatulent attendees at a yoga classFill in the fart clouds in several rounds of sudokuEnjoy a selection of fart quotes from the likes of Robin Williams, Andy Samberg and Billy ConnollyWhether you’re on the john or under the covers, 52 Things to Do While You Poo: The Fart Edition is an unforgettable experience, as playful as it is pungent.
52 McGs.
by Robert Mcg. Thomas Chris CalhounAmong his devoted fans, his pieces were known simply as McGs. With a "genius for illuminating that sometimes ephemeral apogee in people's lives when they prove capable of generating a brightly burning spark" (Columbia Journalism Review), Robert McG. Thomas Jr. commemorated fascinating, unconventional lives with signature style and wit. The New York Times received countless letters over the years from readers moved to tears or laughter by a McG. Eschewing traditionally famous subjects, Thomas favored unsung heroes, eccentrics, and underachievers, including: Edward Lowe, the inventor of Kitty Litter ("Cat Owner's Best Friend"); Angelo Zuccotti, the bouncer at El Morocco ("Artist of the Velvet Rope"); and Kay Halle, a glamorous Cleveland department store heiress who received sixty-four marriage proposals ("An Intimate of Century's Giants"). In one of his classic obituaries, Thomas described Anton Rosenberg as a "storied sometime artist and occasional musician who embodied the Greenwich Village hipster ideal of 1950's cool to such a laid-back degree and with such determined detachment that he never amounted to much of anything." Thomas captured life's ironies and defining moments with elegance and a gift for making a sentence sing. He had an uncanny sense of the passion and personality that make each life unique, and the ability, as Joseph Epstein wrote, to "look beyond the facts and the rigid formula of the obit to touch on a deeper truth." Compiled by Chris Calhoun, one of Thomas's most dedicated readers, and with a fittingly sharp introduction from acclaimed novelist and critic Thomas Mallon, 52 McGs. will win legions of new fans to the masterful writer who transformed the obituary into an art form.
501 Things to Do with a Zombie
by J. C. Richards Aaron WaiteZombies are were people too! Escape routes, defense plans, survival kits. Enough is enough! Zombies have gotten a bad rap, and it's time the redeeming qualities of these brain-eating (but potentially lovable) creatures come to light. Enter 501 Things to Do with a Zombie. Inside, you'll see that the undead make the perfect sidekicks for just about anything you've got going on. Can't convince a buddy to join you in karaoke? No worries! A Zombie never suffers from stage fright! Looking to take a leisurely stroll through the local farmers' market? Zombies know the secret to picking out the freshest tomatoes. Need to negotiate a new cell-phone contract? Bring a Zombie along to get out of the two-year commitment (he can strong-arm the sales rep--that is, unless it's missing).Sure, Zombies may have rotting flesh and nasty viruses, but don't we all have our faults? Open your mind and open this book for inspired ideas on how we can all learn to get along. Monstrous fun awaits.
501 Things to Do with a Zombie
by J. C. Richards Aaron WaiteZombies are were people too!Escape routes, defense plans, survival kits. Enough is enough! Zombies have gotten a bad rap, and it's time the redeeming qualities of these brain-eating (but potentially lovable) creatures come to light. Enter 501 Things to Do with a Zombie. Inside, you'll see that the undead make the perfect sidekicks for just about anything you've got going on.Can't convince a buddy to join you in karaoke? No worries! A Zombie never suffers from stage fright!Looking to take a leisurely stroll through the local farmers' market? Zombies know the secret to picking out the freshest tomatoes.Need to negotiate a new cell-phone contract? Bring a Zombie along to get out of the two-year commitment (he can strong-arm the sales rep-that is, unless it's missing).Sure, Zombies may have rotting flesh and nasty viruses, but don't we all have our faults? Open your mind and open this book for inspired ideas on how we can all learn to get along.Monstrous fun awaits!
501 Golf Jokes For Almost All Occassions
by Franklin DohanyosFirst Golfer: "Hey, how's your golf game?"Second Golfer: "Not so good. It seems the older I get, the better I used to be!" Whether you're slicing your way through the fairway or chipping up enough dirt to build an in-ground pool, there's nothing like a good golf joke to keep a duffer from taking the game too seriously (you know who you are). This riotous collection contains enough material for you and your fellow golfers to laugh your way to the 19th hole, game after game. Two golfer and their caddies were out on the course one day. By the fifteenth hole one of the golfers had blown so many putts he went berserk. He started swearing out loud, grabbed his putter and, with a mighty toss, threw it at the water hazard forty yards away. One caddy turned to the other and said, "Five bucks says he misses the water!" For anyone with a sense of humor, even those who think that golf and golfers are best left to America's Funniest Home Videos, 501 Golf Jokes will always make a hold-in-one at parties, at the office, at any occasion. Franklin Dohanyos collaborated with Karoyln Grimes on the holiday bestseller Zuzu Bailey's "It's A Wonderful Life" Cookbook and is the editor of The Cats Of Our Lives. He runs his own public relations firm and lives in Royal Oak, Michigan.
501 Excuses for a Bad Golf Shot
by Justin ExnerYou can blame your job...You can blame the course...You can blame mother nature...Or you can blame your equipment...But Never, Ever, BLAME YOURSELF!
500 Miles from You: A Novel
by Jenny ColganWhat happens when two medical professionals--ex Army medic from a village in the Scottish Highlands and an inner city nurse from inner-city London—switch jobs for three months and become unlikely pen pals? Lissa, is a nurse in a gritty, hectic London neighborhood. Always terribly competent and good at keeping it all together, she’s been suffering quietly with PTSD after helping to save the victim of a shocking crime. Her supervisor quietly arranges for Lissa to spend a few months doing a much less demanding job in the little town of Kirrinfeif in the Scottish Highlands, hoping that the change of scenery will help her heal. Lissa will be swapping places with Cormack, an Army veteran who’s Kirrinfeif’s easygoing nurse/paramedic/all-purpose medical man. Lissa’s never experienced small-town life, and Cormack’s never spent more than a day in a big city, but it seems like a swap that would do them both some good. In London, the gentle Cormack is a fish out of the water; in Kirrinfief, the dynamic Lissa finds it hard to adjust to the quiet. But these two strangers are now in constant contact, taking over each other’s patients, endlessly emailing about anything and everything. Lissa and Cormack discover a new depth of feeling…for their profession and for each other. But what will happen when Lissa and Cormack finally meet…?
The 500 Hats of Bartholomew Cubbins
by Dr SeussEach time Bartholomew Cubbins attempts to obey the King's order to take off his hat, he finds there is another one on his head.
500 Dates: Dispatches from the Front Lines of the Online Dating Wars
by Mark Miller Julie SpiraNow several years post-divorce, relationship expert and humorist Mark Miller has experienced more than five hundred first dates. In 500 Dates, composed of fifty-five humor essays, Miller features the highlights and lowlights of those dates.Among the true dating tales and revelations you will find in this book are: How Miller and his date learned the limitations of a man being too emotionally expressive. ("Most guys consider revealing more about themselves emotionally and communicating on a deeper level nearly as enjoyable as falling face-first onto an ice pick-or spending the rest of eternity listening to Celine Dion music.") Miller's realization that sometimes men have to pay a heavy price for their dates' previous relationship behavior.("At least six different times, God has matched me up with a woman who has had a long history of wild, impulsive, passionate, no-holds-barred sex. She invariably finds something lacking in that lifestyle and decides to make a change. Starting with the very next man she dates. Who is invariably me.") Miller's misguided social experiment to separate dating from status by spending less than $20 on the date, purchasing everything at a 99¢ store, and what he learned, as a result, about his date and himself. ("I realize now that on the journey of romance, thrift and creativity will take you only so far - for the rest of the trip, you'll need MasterCard.") Revealed for the first time the inner workings of a man's brain.("Cerebellum. Responsible for coordinating movement and maintaining balance. Used primarily when a man has had eight beers and is endeavoring to make his way to the bathroom without tripping over the dog and pulling the fish tank over on top of them.") How Miller took his date to his ex-wife's holiday party only to find his date and his ex-wife bonding like high school girlfriends. ("Pam would take Amy aside and present to her a list of all 273 of my failings, most of which, she confides to Amy, won't become noticeable until month three of Amy's being with me. Amy is stunned; she'd only been aware of 149 of my failings.")But 500 Dates is about much more than dating. Its humor essays also cover romance, relationships, breakups, attraction, the nature of love, and how both men and women view the art, science, expectations, and reality of courtship and turning courtship into something deeper and longer lasting in the twenty-first century. Throughout these essays, a portion of which were previously published in various media, Miller provides a sense of hope about one's romantic prospects. Readers will find that the end of a marriage, even a long-term one, does not mean the end of romance-or one's sense of humor.
500 Clean Jokes and Humorous Stories, and How to Tell Them
by Rusty Wright Linda Raney WrightDiscover how to use humor to improve all of your relationships and become a more dynamic communicator, whether one-on-one or in larger groups.
50 Years of MAC: A Half Century of British Life
by Dr Mark BryantPolitical cartoonist MAC started at the Daily Sketch in 1969. At the end of 2018, he will have been capturing British life for 50 years. To mark these five decades working as an editorial cartoonist in Fleet Street, the very best of MAC's cartoons from the 1960s to the present day have been assembled to tell the history of Britain and its place in the world. From miniskirts and Flower Power to the Falklands War and the rise of Margaret Thatcher, and from the Royal Family and the adventures of Harry Potter to Andy Murray and the Spice Girls, this book provides a unique and humorous perspective on the past fifty years.
50 Years of MAC: A Half Century of British Life
by Mark Bryant Stanley McMurtryPolitical cartoonist MAC started at the Daily Sketch in 1969. At the end of 2018, he will have been capturing British life for 50 years. To mark these five decades working as an editorial cartoonist in Fleet Street, the very best of MAC's cartoons from the 1960s to the present day have been assembled to tell the history of Britain and its place in the world. From miniskirts and Flower Power to the Falklands War and the rise of Margaret Thatcher, and from the Royal Family and the adventures of Harry Potter to Andy Murray and the Spice Girls, this book provides a unique and humorous perspective on the past fifty years.
50% Wool, 50% Asinine: An Argyle Sweater Collection (Argyle Sweater Ser. #2)
by Scott HilburnSince launching as an online feature in 2006, The Argyle Sweater has cemented its reputation as the comic strip for fans of absurd, clever humor. Now, cartoonist Scott Hilburn has collected the best of his 2009 strips in 50% Wool, 50% Asinine.Coming from The Argyle Sweater's customary skewed perspective, the comic strips collected in 50% Wool, 50% Asinine will delight readers with the puns (both verbal and visual) and cerebral wit that are the hallmarks of this hilarious strip.A true fan favorite, The Argyle Sweater has gathered a loyal and enthusiastic following with origins that even predate its hugely successful launch with Universal Press Syndicate. Funny, irreverent, smart, and entertaining, 50% Wool, 50% Asinine is perfect for devoted fans of the strip and a great introduction for those lucky enough to get to experience for the first time this intelligent comic strip infused with childlike imagination.
50 Ways to Lose Your Glasses
by Warby ParkerFrom Warby Parker, the eyewear company that has become "shorthand for simple and stylish" (Fast Company), an eye-catching illustrated gift book that shares the many witty, harrowing and absurd ways to lose a pair of glasses. Finding a pair of glasses you love is the easy part. Holding onto them--well, that's another story. The evocative, whimsical illustrations in 50 Ways to Lose Your Glasses showcase a blinding variety of eyewear failures, ranging from foolish (yoga, karaoke, mosh pit) to knee-trembling (drone collision, cat burglar, sneezing fit) to surreal (alien encounter, swamp monster, elves). Everyone has a dad, grandma, bestie, or boyfriend who can't seem to hold onto their glasses. Conceived by Warby Parker and with drawings by Brooklyn-based illustrator John Lee, 50 Ways to Lose Your Glasses makes the perfect gift for your bespectacled, humor-loving friend or family member.
50 Things to Do with a Book
by Bruce MccallReading may be dead, but books are alive and well What good are books, you may be wondering, if we're not going to read them? What are we even doing in this bookstore? Not to worry! It turns out that there are literally thousands of things to do with these chunky stacks of bound tree pulp. Fun, exciting, adventurous, creative things. In fact, this familiar rectangular object suddenly offers enough dazzling new interactive possibilities to, yes, fill a book. This book. From re-creating world wonders to settling marital disputes, entertaining dinner guests to channeling your inner secret agent, here are fifty wonderfully zany things to do with all your favorite books.
50 Things Not to Do after 50: From Naming Your Pets after Tolkien Characters to Signaling "Peace Out" to Your Friends
by Leland GregoryIf you or someone you know has just turned fifty, it’s time to accept that the rules of life have changed, and that fifty is not the new thirty for most of us. Leland Gregory understands the forgetful minds, sagging bodies, and flagging pride of his fellow middle-agers, and in 50 Things Not to Do after 50, he offers helpful advice aimed at combating the humiliations this stage of life can bring. <p><p> 50 Things Not to Do after 50 is a lighthearted and sometimes painfully on-target book about how what we used to do in our twenties, thirties, and forties should be avoided at all costs now that we’re in our fifties.
50 Things Liberals Love to Hate
by Mike GallagherAmerica, how does the liberal hate thee? Let us count the ways . . . It's hard work being a liberal these days. Not only do a mere 20 percent of Americans identify themselves as liberal, but one could go broke supporting a skinny double-decaf Starbucks habit. On top of that, when you hate things most Americans love, it's tiring to have to endlessly correct/educate/fix/enlighten the poor dullards out there who just want to enjoy their lives. Which, taken as a whole, makes the average liberal lonely, short on cash, and mad as hell! So, in the spirit of the compassion they themselves espouse, 50 Things Liberals Love to Hate is truth spoken with love, an invitation to the disenfranchised: it's not too late, liberals, to join the fun! C'mon, crack open a Bud and throw another T-bone on the grill. But kindly check your disdain at the door when it comes to: WALMART: How about a handmade, locally sourced flat-screen television instead? STEAKHOUSES: There's no steamed tofu on this menu. McDONALD'S: The stranger in the playground handing out candy to children. FLAG PINS: It's okay to love America, but not enough to wear it on your lapel. FOOTBALL: War with cleats and pads. THE V-8 ENGINE: There's just something plain wrong about all that power and freedom under the control of one person. SUCCESS: When you make more money than the rest of us, it hurts our feelings. THE FOUNDING FATHERS: A bunch of old white guys who are making it nearly impossible for modern government to pick our doctors, teach our children, correct our diets, and save our money. . . . and 42 other things that have liberals packing some serious hate. Mike Gallagher--America's sixth-ranked radio talk show host and Fox News contributor--skewers liberal lunacy with cutting irony and scathing wit. Here are 50 warning signs of a liberal mind implosion, all darn good reasons to lock the doors, crank up the A/C, turn on the game, and let the countdown begin. . . .
50 Things Liberals Love to Hate
by Mike GallagherAmerica, how does the liberal hate thee? Let us count the ways . . . It's hard work being a liberal these days. Not only do a mere 20 percent of Americans identify themselves as liberal, but one could go broke supporting a skinny double-decaf Starbucks habit. On top of that, when you hate things most Americans love, it's tiring to have to endlessly correct/educate/fix/enlighten the poor dullards out there who just want to enjoy their lives. Which, taken as a whole, makes the average liberal lonely, short on cash, and mad as hell! So, in the spirit of the compassion they themselves espouse, 50 Things Liberals Love to Hate is truth spoken with love, an invitation to the disenfranchised: it's not too late, liberals, to join the fun! C'mon, crack open a Bud and throw another T-bone on the grill. But kindly check your disdain at the door when it comes to: WALMART: How about a handmade, locally sourced flat-screen television instead? STEAKHOUSES: There's no steamed tofu on this menu. McDONALD'S: The stranger in the playground handing out candy to children. FLAG PINS: It's okay to love America, but not enough to wear it on your lapel. FOOTBALL: War with cleats and pads. THE V-8 ENGINE: There's just something plain wrong about all that power and freedom under the control of one person. SUCCESS: When you make more money than the rest of us, it hurts our feelings. THE FOUNDING FATHERS: A bunch of old white guys who are making it nearly impossible for modern government to pick our doctors, teach our children, correct our diets, and save our money. . . . and 42 other things that have liberals packing some serious hate. Mike Gallagher--America's sixth-ranked radio talk show host and Fox News contributor--skewers liberal lunacy with cutting irony and scathing wit. Here are 50 warning signs of a liberal mind implosion, all darn good reasons to lock the doors, crank up the A/C, turn on the game, and let the countdown begin. . . .
50 Things Liberals Love to Hate
by Mike GallagherAmerica, how does the liberal hate thee? Let us count the ways . . . It's hard work being a liberal these days. Not only do a mere 20 percent of Americans identify themselves as liberal, but one could go broke supporting a skinny double-decaf Starbucks habit. On top of that, when you hate things most Americans love, it's tiring to have to endlessly correct/educate/fix/enlighten the poor dullards out there who just want to enjoy their lives. Which, taken as a whole, makes the average liberal lonely, short on cash, and mad as hell! So, in the spirit of the compassion they themselves espouse, 50 Things Liberals Love to Hate is truth spoken with love, an invitation to the disenfranchised: it's not too late, liberals, to join the fun! C'mon, crack open a Bud and throw another T-bone on the grill. But kindly check your disdain at the door when it comes to: WALMART: How about a handmade, locally sourced flat-screen television instead? STEAKHOUSES: There's no steamed tofu on this menu. McDONALD'S: The stranger in the playground handing out candy to children. FLAG PINS: It's okay to love America, but not enough to wear it on your lapel. FOOTBALL: War with cleats and pads. THE V-8 ENGINE: There's just something plain wrong about all that power and freedom under the control of one person. SUCCESS: When you make more money than the rest of us, it hurts our feelings. THE FOUNDING FATHERS: A bunch of old white guys who are making it nearly impossible for modern government to pick our doctors, teach our children, correct our diets, and save our money. . . . and 42 other things that have liberals packing some serious hate. Mike Gallagher--America's sixth-ranked radio talk show host and Fox News contributor--skewers liberal lunacy with cutting irony and scathing wit. Here are 50 warning signs of a liberal mind implosion, all darn good reasons to lock the doors, crank up the A/C, turn on the game, and let the countdown begin. . . .
50 Simple Things You Can Do to Pave the Earth
by Darryl Henriques50 things you can do to eliminate your carbon footprint.
50 Reasons to Hate Golf and Why You Should Never Stop Playing
by Fred Fruisen Chris RodellEvery golfer has a love/hate relationship with the game. What we love about golf one day, we curse at the next. We've all been frustrated to the point of breaking our clubs or vowing to sell them, announcing our departure from this infuriating sport only to show up at the course the next day, excited to play again. Golf is a game that teases, thrills, torments, and teaches. <p><p> 50 Reasons to Hate Golf and Why You Should Never Stop Playing is a hilarious look at this addictive, wonderful, strange, beautiful, exasperating, mystifying sport and the culture surrounding it that people have been obsessed with for more than 500 years. With an introduction by Chris Rodell, author, columnist, and golf fanatic. Featured in the Golf Channel.
50 People Who Screwed Up Scotland
by Allan BrownTo be Scottish is to have a lot to live down, and as Allan Brown shows, this lot do the job superbly. Whether it be Robert Burns, indecipherable bard of rustic gibberish or Sean Connery, die-hard advocate of a country he refuses to live in.Or, Alex Salmond, the chortling bullfrog of separatism or Tommy Sheridan, the sexy socialist hardliner. They’re all here, and many others; a veritable embassy of bad ambassadors.50 People Who Screwed Up Scotland is a humorous and chronologically-sequential series of essays, histories and anecdotes that consider those episodes and occurrences in Scotland's political, cultural and social story where, against all odds, defeat was plucked from the jaws of victory.
50 People Who Messed up the World
by Alexander Parker Tim RichmanWho would top your list of the fifty people who have done the most to make the modern world a worse place?'I can't imagine how they whittled it down to just 50 people' - comedianNik Rabinowitz 'A fantastic thought-provoking book that renews my appreciation for history. It reminds us how we got here and how we can avoid things getting worse'Mandla Shongwe, SAFM Lifestyle'A fascinating, terrific read' Gareth Cliff, CliffCentral From despotic mass-murderers to sports cheats, and from corrupt politicians to truly dreadful celebrities, who has had the most damaging -- or vexatious -- impact in their particular sphere of modern life?This line-up of the very worst of the twentieth century and beyond includes the obvious candidates: those who have caused extraordinary damage through their murderous paranoia, brutal avarice, or demented self-regard -- Stalin, King Leopold, Idi Amin and the like. But murderous dictators aside, there are plenty of others who deserve recognition for their role in making the world a significantly more dangerous or, at the very least, more annoying place: terrorist Carlos the Jackal; Robert Oppenheimer, the man who gave the world the atomic bomb; notorious sports cheat Lance Armstrong; and the one and only President Donald Trump, who has of course succeeded in making the world both more annoying and more dangerous. This perfectly focused spotlight on infamy is illustrated throughout by award-winning political cartoonist Zapiro.