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Perfectly Parvin
by Olivia AbtahiFourteen-year-old Iranian-American Parvin Mohammadi sets out to win the ultimate date to homecoming in this heartfelt and outright hilarious debut. <p><p> Parvin Mohammadi has just been dumped--only days after receiving official girlfriend status. Not only is she heartbroken, she's humiliated. Enter high school heartthrob Matty Fumero, who just might be the smoking-hot cure to all her boy problems. If Parvin can get Matty to ask her to Homecoming, she's positive it will prove to herself and her ex that she's girlfriend material after all. <p><p>There's just one problem: Matty is definitely too cool for bassoon-playing, frizzy-haired, Cheeto-eating Parvin. Since being herself hasn't worked for her in the past (see aforementioned dumping), she decides to start acting like the women in her favorite rom-coms. Those women aren't loud, they certainly don't cackle when they laugh, and they smile much more than they talk.But Parvin discovers that being a rom-com dream girl is much harder than it looks. Also hard? The parent-mandated Farsi lessons. A confusing friendship with a boy who's definitely not supposed to like her. And hardest of all, the ramifications of the Muslim ban on her family in Iran. Suddenly, being herself has never been more important. <p><p> Olivia Abtahi's debut is as hilarious as it is heartfelt—a delightful tale where, amid the turmoil of high school friendships and crushes, being yourself is always the perfect way to be.
Brave Deeds: A Novel
by David AbramsFrom the author of Fobbit: “A stirring, sardonic war story . . . Mordantly funny and harrowing . . . Reminiscent of such classic war novels as Catch-22” (Tampa Bay Times). A Military Times Best Book of 2017, Brave Deeds is a compelling novel of war, brotherhood, and America. Spanning eight hours, the novel follows a squad of six AWOL soldiers as they attempt to cross war-torn Baghdad on foot to attend the funeral of their leader, Staff Sergeant Rafe Morgan. As the men make their way to the funeral, they recall the most ancient of warriors yet are a microcosm of twenty-first-century America, and subject to the same human flaws as all of us. Drew is reliable in the field but unfaithful at home; Cheever, overweight and whining, is a friend to no one—least of all himself; and platoon commander Dmitri “Arrow” Arogapoulos is stalwart, yet troubled with questions about his own identity and sexuality. Emotionally resonant, true-to-life, and thoughtfully written, Brave Deeds is a gripping story of combat and of perseverance, and an important addition to the oeuvre of contemporary war fiction. “Earnest and affecting . . . The soldiers are foulmouthed, sex-obsessed and fiercely loyal for reasons they can’t quite articulate—in other words, packed with young American male authenticity. Abrams’s prose is relaxed and conversational, with a few scattered literary nuggets that add heft, like chunks of beef in a vegetable soup. . . . The mash-up works, and Abrams’s voice is clear and strong.” —Brian Castner, The Washington Post “Outstanding . . . With a little bit of humor and bumbling grace, these six soldiers magnify what is both beautiful and despairing about the American military.” —Missoulian
Thank You, Goodnight: A Novel
by Andy AbramowitzIn Thank You, Goodnight, hailed by Billboard as &“High Fidelity and About a Boy with a dose of Music & Lyrics thrown in,&” the lead singer of a one-hit wonder 90s band tries for one more swing at the fence.Teddy Tremble is nearing forty and has settled into a comfortable groove, working at a stuffy law firm and living in a downtown apartment with a woman he thinks he might love. Sure, his days aren’t as exciting as the time he spent as the lead singer of Tremble, the rock band known for its mega-hit “It Feels Like a Lie,” but that life has long since passed its sell-by date.But when Teddy gets a cryptic call from an old friend, he’s catapulted into contemplating the unthinkable: reuniting Tremble for one last shot at rewriting history. Never mind that the band members haven’t spoken in ten years, that they left the music scene in a blazing cloud of indifference, and that the only fans who seem to miss them reside in an obscure little town in Switzerland.If Teddy manages to snooker his band mates out of their adult lives, can a once immature, self-involved fallen idol find his way back to the top—and possibly back to the one who got away? Thank You, Goodnight is debut novelist Andy Abramowitz’s hilarious, honest, and “unfailingly heartfelt” (The Washington Post) story about love, lyrics, and finding one’s legacy in the unlikeliest of places.
How to Fall In Love with a Man Who Lives in a Bush: A Novel
by Emmy Abrahamson“This quirky Swedish love story is the antidote to all of those Hallmark movies you’ve been bingeing.” — Elle CanadaFor readers of quirky Scandinavian fiction comes this charming and witty debut novel by Emmy Abrahamson—perfect for fans of Jonas Jonasson.Love stinks. Or maybe it just needs a shower . . . Vienna: famous for Mozart, waltzes, and pastry; less famous for Julia, a Swedish transplant who spends her days teaching English to unemployed Austrians and her evenings watching Netflix with her cat or club hopping with a frenemy. An aspiring novelist, Julia’s full of ideas for future bestsellers: A writer moves his family to a deserted hotel in the dead of winter and spirals into madness! A homely governess loves a brooding man whose crazy wife is locked up in the attic! Fine, so they’ve been done. Doesn’t mean Julia won’t find something original.Then something original finds Julia—sits down next to her on a bench, as a matter of fact. Ben is handsome (under all that beard) and adventurous (leaps from small bridges in a single bound). He’s sexy as hell and planning to shuffle off to Berlin before things can get too serious. Oh, and Ben lives in a public park.Thus begins a truth stranger than any fiction Julia might have imagined: a whirlwind relationship with a guy who shares her warped sense of humor and shakes up the just-okay existence she’s been too lazy to change. Ben challenges her to break out; she challenges him to settle down. As weeks turn to months, Julia keeps telling herself that this is a chapter in her life, not the whole book. If she writes the ending, she can’t get hurt.But what if the ending isn’t hers to write?
This is Improbable Too: Synchronized Cows, Speedy Brain Extractors and More WTF Research
by Marc AbrahamsMarc Abrahams collects the odd, the imaginative, and the brilliantly improbable from around the world. Here he investigates research on the ins and outs of the very improbable evolutionary innovation that is the human body (brain included). This Is Improbable Too explores the odd questions that researchers are asking, such as: What's the best way to get a monkey to floss regularly? How much dandruff do soldiers in Pakistan's army have? If you add an extra henchman to your bank-robbing gang, how much more money will you earn? Why is it so impossible to estimate the number of stupid people in circulation? How many dimples will be found on the cheeks of 28,282 Greek children? Who is the Einstein of pork carcasses? This Is Improbable Too also investigates unlikely medical cases, including a boy with an "Eiffel head injury" (involving a toy tower), and even more unlikely inventions, such as a patented system for attacking your enemy with a bio-waste bomb.
Underrated: The Yankee Post Roast Book of Awesome Underappreciated Stuff
by Abraham Josh Jezarian Nick Wolinetz GeoffContrary to popular legend, every dog does not have his day. Some dogs--i. e. , musicians, actors, foodstuffs, sitcoms, beverages, albums, and movies--are perennially overlooked. This book will change all that. Using a highly scientific, unabashedly subjective, yet uncannily accurate formula, the brilliant comedic minds behind Yankee Pot Roast can help you determine with absolute confidence whether something or someone is underrated (George Harrison) or not (Paul McCartney). For example: UnderratedGood TimesBubble YumSnappleNot UnderratedDiff'rent StrokesBig League ChewDr. Pepper The UR (Underrated Rating) takes into account cultural, commercial, and critical appeal, as well as more nebulous but equally crucial factors like coolness and staying power. Admit it--you've suspected for years that NewsRadio is a criminally ignored masterpiece. Now you can prove it. Geoff Wolinetz, Nick Jezarian, and Josh Abraham are the founders and editors of Yankee Pot Roast. Their work has appeared in Maxim and Cracked and on the web at McSweeney's, The Black Table, DrinkatWork and more. They live in New York City.
Triumff: Her Majesty's Hero
by Dan AbnettIT IS THE YEAR 2010. NO, REALLY.Her Divine Majesty Queen Elizabeth XXX sits upon the throne. Great Britain's vast Empire is run by Alchemy and Superstition. Sir Rupert Triumff. Adventurer. Fighter. Drinker. Saviour? Pratchett goes swashbuckling in the hotly anticipated original fiction debut of the multi-million selling Warhammer star. Triumff is a ribald historical fantasy set in a warped clockwork-powered version of our present day ! a new Elizabethan age, not of Elizabeth II but in the style of the original Virgin Queen. Throughout its rollicking pages, Sir Rupert Triumff drinks, dines and duels his way into a new Brass Age of Exploration and Adventure.File Under: Fantasy [Alternate History | Wild Magic | Swashbuckling | Unforgivable Puns! ]E-book ISBN: 978-0-85766-023-7From the Paperback edition.
Spy Force
by Deborah AbelaMeet Max Remy, Superspy! When a top-secret e-mail invites Max to Spy Force Headquarters, she thinks someone is playing a joke on her. But it's no joke! Max and her friend Linden are flown by invisible jet to Spy Force Headquarters to meet the world's top spies, and soon they are working as Spy Force undercover agents at a candy factory in a life-threatening struggle against the evil mastermind Mr. Blue. Could this be the end of Max Remy, Superspy?
Avocado Asks: What Am I?
by Momoko AbeAvocado is feeling just fine in the fruit and veg aisle at the supermarket - until a young customer asks a difficult question: "Is an avocado a fruit or a vegetable?" Avocado doesn't know the answer either - and the question won't seem to go away!A brilliantly funny book about identity and being confident in your own skin - featuring the world's most popular superfood!
Avocado Asks
by Momoko AbeA deliciously funny book about identity and being confident in your own skin—featuring the world's most popular superfood, the avocado!Avocado is feeling just fine in the produce section at the supermarket until a young customer asks a difficult question: "Is an avocado a fruit or a vegetable?" Avocado doesn't know the answer either, and the question won't seem to go away! Soon, avocado is in the midst of a full-on identity crisis.Children will laugh along as Avocado hunts for answers in each aisle of the grocery store, chatting with fish, cans of beans, sausages, and finally a tomato, who confides to Avocado that he doesn't know what HE is either, adding "And. I. Don't. Care." With cool, vivid artwork and a funny twist on every page, here is a story that celebrates individuality and fluidity, letting children know they are perfect just as they are and however they choose to express themselves.
The Charmed List
by Julie Abe"The best friends to enemies-to-lovers story I needed in my life! The Charmed List utterly enchants with its delightful characters and heartfelt themes of family, friendship, and first love. I adored this fun-filled and swoony road trip romance with a magical twist!" —Axie Oh, author of XOXO and The Girl Who Fell Beneath the SeaSometimes you need a little magic to fall in love. Ellie Kobata has spent most of high school on the sidelines, keeping her art Instagram private and shying away from the world. She can’t even tell her only friend, Lia, who she really is: Ellie is part of a secret magical community, and no one outside of it can know it exists. The only person Ellie could fully relate to was Jack Yasuda – her childhood friend who mysteriously started to snub her a few years ago.But before senior year, Ellie is ready to take some risks and have a life-changing summer, starting with her Anti-Wallflower List – thirteen items she’s going to check off one by one. With this list, she hopes to finally come out of her shell; even though she can’t share her full self with the world. But when number four on Ellie’s list goes horribly wrong—revenge on Jack Yasuda—she’s certain her summer is cursed. Instead of spending her summer with Lia, Ellie finds herself stuck in a car with Jack driving to a magical convention. But as Ellie and Jack travel down the coast of California, number thirteen on her list—fall in love—may be happening without her realizing it.In The Charmed List, Julie Abe sweeps readers away to a secret magical world, complete with cupcakes and tea with added sparks of joy, and an enchanted cottage where you can dance under the stars.
The Devil's Advisor
by Brad AbdulA pacy, twisting, supernatural comedy of the everyday and the devilish, in the tradition of Gaiman and Pratchett's Good Omens.Lucy, the Devil, wants to retire. Brian, the Business Advisor, hates his job. When Brian&’s jealous co-workers put him in Lucy&’s crosshairs, she makes him an offer he can&’t refuse: work for her and increase the productivity in Hell by 50% or suffer the cruel fate planned by his peers. To sweeten the deal, Lucy offers Brian the chance to be her successor if he pulls it off. Brian reluctantly agrees and dives in with both feet to the bureaucratic nightmare of Hell. To make it out alive, Brian faces Death, God, and Lucy&’s own twin children.
Son of Elsewhere: A Memoir in Pieces
by Elamin AbdelmahmoudFrom one of the most beloved media personalities of his generation comes a one-of-a-kind reflection on Blackness, faith, language, pop culture, and the challenges and rewards of finding your way in the world.Professional wrestling super fandom, Ontario's endlessly unfurling 401 highway, late nights at the convenience store listening to heavy metal—for writer and podcast host Elamin Abdelmahmoud, these are the building blocks of a life. Son of Elsewhere charts that life in wise, funny, and moving reflections on the many threads that weave together into an identity. Arriving in Canada at age 12 from Sudan, Elamin's teenage years were spent trying on new ways of being in the world, new ways of relating to his almost universally white peers. His is a story of yearning to belong in a time and place where expectation and assumptions around race, faith, language, and origin make such belonging extremely difficult, but it's also a story of the surprising and unexpected ways in which connection and acceptance can be found. In this extraordinary debut collection, the process of growing—of trying, failing, and trying again to fit in—is cast against the backdrop of the memory of life in a different time, and different place—a Khartoum being bombed by the United States, a nation seeking to define and understand itself against global powers of infinite reach. Taken together, these essays explore how we pick and choose from our experience and environment to help us in the ongoing project of defining who we are—how, for instance, the example of Mo Salah, the profound grief practices of Islam, the nerdy charm of The O.C.'s Seth Cohen, and the long shadow of colonialism can cohere into a new and powerful whole. With the perfect balance of relatable humor and intellectual ferocity, Son of Elsewhere confronts what we know about ourselves, and most important, what we&’re still learning.
Banana
by Zoey AbbottA quirky and hilarious picture book parable about parental distraction and a daughter's clever solution.My dad is the best. We love hanging out together. Recently, he got this banana. At first, we had a great time with the banana — it does cool stuff and it&’s really fun. But lately he&’s spending too much time with the banana. He&’s distracted, and he&’s not enjoying the things he used to enjoy, like hanging out with me. I don&’t think this banana is good for him. It&’s time to take action. Zoey Abbott tackles parental distraction in a quirky and hilarious way in this parable about too much of a good thing. With her trademark wit and engaging illustrations, she introduces a very wise kid and a not-so-wise parent who eventually see eye to eye in a story that will delight readers of all ages.
Goofballs #4: The Mysterious Talent Show Mystery
by Tony Abbott Colleen MaddenThe Badger Point School is holding a talent show, and the Goofballs - sleuths Jeff Bunter, Mara Lubin, Kelly Smitts, and Brian Rooney - are set to be its stars. That is if the show even happens, with problems and mysteries at every turn. A giant pink tuba goes missing, the costumes are all the wrong size, and the talent show's director disappears before the cast's eyes. Good thing that the Goofballs are expert detectives. Funny, punny, and full of fun, this latest case in the Goofballs series will be eagerly devoured by old and new fans, alike.
Goofballs #5: The Ha-Ha-Haunting of Hyde House
by Tony Abbott Colleen MaddenFans of Dav Pilkey's The Adventure of Ook and Gluke and Paricia Reilly Giff's ZigZag Kids series will flock to this chapterbook series full of slapstick humor and silly situations by the wildly popular Tony Abbott, author of The Secrets of Droon Series.When the Goofballs--Jeff, Brian, Mara, and Kelly--hear about a house that might be haunted, where someone disappeared years before, it sounds like the perfect case for them to solve on Halloween. But they'll need their best sleuthing skills and, of course, the help of the Goofdog, because this may be their silliest--and scariest--mystery yet!
Cracked Classics: Six Books in One (Cracked Classics #3)
by Tony AbbottWhen two sixth-grade friends magically enter classic literary books, their fun-filled adventures are “a treat for reluctant readers” (School Library Journal). They just didn’t want to read the books! Instead, through their school library’s magic security gates, sixth graders Devin and Frankie—short for Francine—are zapped into great works of literature and new worlds of adventure, including Dracula, The Adventures of Tom Sawyer, Around the World in Eighty Days, A Christmas Carol, Treasure Island, and Romeo and Juliet. “The message that reading is important and can be fun comes through loud and clear” (School Library Journal). Trapped in Transylvania: Transported into Bram Stoker’s vampire classic, the sarcastic sixth graders will need a few stakes, a lot of garlic, and a sharp sense of humor to defeat the bloodthirsty Count Dracula. Mississippi River Blues: These modern middle schoolers learn being a troublemaker is timeless, as they whitewash a fence, run away from home, solve a murder, become pirates, and search for hidden treasure along with Tom and Huck, the original slackers. What a Trip!: When you can travel into books, going around the world is easy. In the company of mad explorer Phileas Fogg, Devin and Frankie embark on a round-the-world journey by train, ship, and hot air balloon. Humbug Holiday: For two sixth graders who feel about school the way Scrooge feels about Christmas, an enchanted trip into Charles Dickens’s tale is just what their spirits need. X Marks the Spot: Devin and Frankie become marooned middle schoolers when they are swept away to Treasure Island and must match wits with legendary pirate Long John Silver. Crushing on a Capulet: Devin and Frankie try to save star-crossed lovers Romeo and Juliet when they find themselves in Shakespeare’s classic play.
Humbug Holiday: A Christmas Carol (Cracked Classics #4)
by Tony AbbottBah, humbug! Frankie and Devin are pretty grouchy about getting transported into "A Christmas Carol", but they have never met someone as grouchy as Ebenezer Scrooge. As they take the fastest ghost-guided tour of all time, the duo can't help but try to soften up crabby old Scrooge himself... just in time for the holidays.
Humbug Holiday: (A Christmas Carol) (Cracked Classics #4)
by Tony AbbottFor two sixth graders who feel about school the way Scrooge feels about Christmas, a magical trip into Dickens&’s tale is just what their spirits need. It&’s Christmastime at Palmdale Middle School, and the sixth grade class has organized a holiday banquet for local families in need. Best friends Devin and Frankie—short for Francine—are excited to eat, but they forgot to bring in food donations. They also didn&’t read A Christmas Carol for Mr. Wexler&’s English class. While the two fight over the school&’s last copy, the library&’s magic security gates suddenly transport them straight into Charles Dickens&’s timeless tale, where they come face to face with grouchy Ebenezer Scrooge, who&’s about to get a wake-up call from some ghosts on Christmas Eve. As the ghosts show the stingy Scrooge the consequences of all the selfish choices he&’s made in life, Devin and Frankie come to realize that they too have a few things to learn about kindness and generosity. Reluctant readers &“Devin and Frankie are wisecracking underachievers and their characterizations and dialogue ring true&” in Tony Abbott&’s Cracked Classics series (School Library Journal).
Mississippi River Blues: (The Adventures of Tom Sawyer) (Cracked Classics #2)
by Tony Abbott&“This affectionate if somewhat irreverent homage would probably win a chuckle from Twain himself&” as pals tumble into Tom Sawyer (School Library Journal). Sixth graders Devin and Frankie—short for Francine—are the greatest goof-offs in the history of their school. When their teacher tells them to read The Adventures of Tom Sawyer, they skip it. When there&’s a surprise test on the novel, they hide. But when they accidentally drop the school&’s prized Mark Twain autograph through the library&’s magic metal detector, they find themselves transported to the world of Tom Sawyer and Huck Finn. Soon these modern middle schoolers learn that being a troublemaker is timeless, as they whitewash a fence, run away from home, solve a murder mystery, become pirates, and search for hidden treasure along with Tom and Huck, the original slackers. &“Reminiscent of Mary Pope Osborne&’s &‘Magic Tree House&’ series, but for an older audience,&” the second book in Tony Abbott&’s Cracked Classics series is a perfect introduction to Mark Twain for reluctant readers (School Library Journal).
Sitcom School (Don't Touch that Remote! #1)
by Tony AbbottTV cameras follow Spencer Babbitt and his wacky friends around their Hollywood school, creating havoc at every turn.
Trapped in Transylvania: (Dracula) (Cracked Classics #1)
by Tony AbbottTwo reluctant readers and mischievous middle schoolers get transported into Bram Stoker&’s vampire classic in this &“lighthearted spoof&” (Publishers Weekly). Devin and Frankie—short for Francine—may be the best of friends, but they aren&’t the best of students. After they&’re busted for not reading Bram Stoker&’s Dracula, their teacher sends them to the library to make amends by mending books. When they accidentally toss an ancient copy of the horror classic through the library&’s broken metal detector, a huge crack opens in the wall—and sucks Devin and Frankie right into the novel itself. Now these sarcastic sixth graders will need a few stakes, a lot of garlic, and a sharp sense of humor to defeat the bloodthirsty count. In this first book in Tony Abbott&’s Cracked Classics series, &“Devin and Frankie are wisecracking underachievers and their characterizations and dialogue ring true. Abbott adroitly blends the language in Stoker&’s tale with their conversations, resulting in laugh-out-loud scenes&” (School Library Journal).
Trapped in Transylvania: (Dracula) (Cracked Classics #1)
by Tony AbbottTwo reluctant readers and mischievous middle schoolers get transported into Bram Stoker&’s vampire classic in this &“lighthearted spoof&” (Publishers Weekly). Devin and Frankie—short for Francine—may be the best of friends, but they aren&’t the best of students. After they&’re busted for not reading Bram Stoker&’s Dracula, their teacher sends them to the library to make amends by mending books. When they accidentally toss an ancient copy of the horror classic through the library&’s broken metal detector, a huge crack opens in the wall—and sucks Devin and Frankie right into the novel itself. Now these sarcastic sixth graders will need a few stakes, a lot of garlic, and a sharp sense of humor to defeat the bloodthirsty count. In this first book in Tony Abbott&’s Cracked Classics series, &“Devin and Frankie are wisecracking underachievers and their characterizations and dialogue ring true. Abbott adroitly blends the language in Stoker&’s tale with their conversations, resulting in laugh-out-loud scenes&” (School Library Journal).
What a Trip!: (Around the World in Eighty Days) (Cracked Classics #3)
by Tony Abbott&“A treat for reluctant readers,&” as two sixth graders discover, when you can travel into books, going around the world is easy (School Library Journal). Middle schoolers Devin and Frankie—short for Francine—have found a unique shortcut to passing English. When their teacher gives them a book to read, they just toss it through the magic metal detector in their school library, which transports them into the world of the novel, allowing them to live the book firsthand and always get an A. The system works great until the librarian hires a repairman to fix what the kids call the &“zapper gates.&” While trying to distract him, Devin and Frankie drop a book through the detector, and find themselves on a whirlwind tour of the globe in Jules Verne&’s classic adventure. In the company of mad explorer Phileas Fogg, Devin and Frankie embark on a round-the-world journey by train, ship, and hot air balloon. But they&’ll have to race to beat the clock, or risk getting stuck in the book forever. As with other books in Tony Abbott&’s Cracked Classics series, &“the message that reading is important and can be fun comes through loud and clear. The short chapters make this an ideal read-aloud and a treat for reluctant readers&” (School Library Journal).
X Marks the Spot: Treasure Island (Cracked Classics #5)
by Tony AbbottFrankie and Devin find themselves on the treasure hunt of a lifetime when the library zapper gates send them to "Treasure Island". They team up with young Jim Hawkins in a race for secretly stashed pirate gold. But they'll have to battle it out first against the infamous Long John Silver and his deadly buccaneers!