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Goldilocks, Go Home!
by Martha FreemanPrepare to laugh out loud at the antics of Goldilocks and The Three Bears in this illustrated chapter book for lovers of snarky humor and fractured fairy tales."So I ate some porridge and broke a chair--get over it!" Goldilocks snipes at Bobby Bear, as Baby Bear is now calling himself. Tensions are high at the Three Bears cottage where Goldilocks--an overdramatic tween who has deluded herself into believing she's a princess--is stranded until the Big Bad Wolf vacates the area.A hungry troll, three pigs with a home improvement show on HoGTV, and of course the Big Bad Wolf all figure into the story in this hilarious mash-up of folk and fairy tales from around the world.In chapters full of quirky and clever drawings, Bobby and Goldilocks alternate narrating the story of their hair-raising adventures. Goldilocks aka "Furless" and Bobby are constantly at one another's throats and can't stop interrupting each other. But despite their mutual animosity, a kind of affection develops between Bobby and Goldilocks, and they become something like friends. As Bobby explains, "I mean, annoying as she was, I didn't want her to end up wolf kibble." Over 80 illustrations are included.
Goldilocks Goes to Camp
by Sara MatsonGoldilocks is sent to "Fear Camp" to help her deal with the aftermath of the Bear Incident. While there, she meets some other fairy tale characters, including Hansel and Gretel.
The Golem of Brooklyn: A Novel
by Adam MansbachThe dazzlingly imaginative, ferociously funny story of an art teacher, a bodega clerk, and a five-thousand-year-old clay crisis monster, from the author of the #1 New York Times bestseller Go the F**k to Sleep.&“A devastating romp through history, a bonkers road trip through America, this novel could not be any funnier—or any more important.&”—W. Kamau BellIn Ashkenazi Jewish folklore, a golem is a humanoid being created out of mud or clay and animated through secret prayers. Its sole purpose is to defend the Jewish people against the immediate threat of violence. It is always a rabbi who makes a golem, and always in a time of crisis.But Len Bronstein is no rabbi—he&’s a Brooklyn art teacher who steals a large quantity of clay from his school, gets extremely stoned, and manages to bring his creation to life despite knowing little about Judaism and even less about golems. Unable to communicate with his nine-foot-six, four hundred-pound, Yiddish-speaking guest, Len enlists a bodega clerk and ex-Hasid named Miri Apfelbaum to translate.Eventually, The Golem learns English by binge-watching Curb Your Enthusiasm after ingesting a massive amount of LSD and reveals that he is a creature with an ancestral memory; he recalls every previous iteration of himself, making The Golem a repository of Jewish history and trauma. He demands to know what crisis has prompted his re-creation and whom must he destroy. When Miri shows him a video of white nationalists marching and chanting &“Jews will not replace us,&” the answer becomes clear.The Golem of Brooklyn is an epic romp through Jewish history and the American present that wrestles with the deepest questions of our humanity—the conflicts between faith and skepticism, tribalism and interdependence, and vengeance and healing.
Golf
by Henry Beard* An ingenious mix of facts and flights of fancy: The history of golf begins in 732 AD, when a relic of St. Andrew--patron saint of Scotland and of golf--was found wearing a copper arthritis bracelet. And who could forget 1492, when Christopher Columbus discovered the birthplace of Tiger Woods. Golf is the perfect gift for the serious--and not so serious--golfer. .* Bestselling humorist: Henry Beard has authored or coauthored ten parodies, five of which are New York Times bestsellers, as well as more than two dozen other humor books, including French for Cats and The Official Politically Correct Dictionary . .* Golf is Beard's game: In a New York Times interview, Beard once said "It's the most insidious of sports because once in a while you have a day where you do extraordinarily well and you think you can do very well--and you can't. It's just a tease. Even a Zen monk would be driven crazy by golf." Beard has written seven other golf humor books, including Golfing: The Duffer's Dictionary and The Official Rules of Bad Golf ..
Golf - The Cure for a Grumpy Old Man: It's Never Too Late
by Peter AllissPeter Alliss has been entertaining huge TV audiences for the BBC and ABC in America for many years. In this new anecdotal but thoroughly practical book, Peter Alliss sets out to promote golf as the answer to middle-aged discontentment.Peter Alliss has no difficulty giving compelling reasons as to why golf is the perfect game for adults - breathtaking scenery, fresh air, camaraderie and instant therapy. The author describes how to go about taking up the game, what equipment is necessary to buy and who to contact for lessons. With the aid of line drawings, he describes the basic techniques of golf, how to maintain a consistent swing and how to build up self-confidence. GOLF - THE CURE FOR A GRUMPY OLD MAN is aimed at regular golfers whose skills have deteriorated and would-be golfers who need the guidance as to which path to follow. Alliss's humorous but always helpful book will confirm the great game as a really accessible and hugely enjoyable pastime to pursue for both men and women.
Golf - The Cure for a Grumpy Old Man: It's Never Too Late
by Peter AllissPeter Alliss has been entertaining huge TV audiences for the BBC and ABC in America for many years. In this new anecdotal but thoroughly practical book, Peter Alliss sets out to promote golf as the answer to middle-aged discontentment.Peter Alliss has no difficulty giving compelling reasons as to why golf is the perfect game for adults - breathtaking scenery, fresh air, camaraderie and instant therapy. The author describes how to go about taking up the game, what equipment is necessary to buy and who to contact for lessons. With the aid of line drawings, he describes the basic techniques of golf, how to maintain a consistent swing and how to build up self-confidence. GOLF - THE CURE FOR A GRUMPY OLD MAN is aimed at regular golfers whose skills have deteriorated and would-be golfers who need the guidance as to which path to follow. Alliss's humorous but always helpful book will confirm the great game as a really accessible and hugely enjoyable pastime to pursue for both men and women.
Golf - The Cure for a Grumpy Old Man: It's Never Too Late
by Peter AllissPeter Alliss has been entertaining huge TV audiences for the BBC and ABC in America for many years. In this new anecdotal but thoroughly practical audiobook, Peter Alliss sets out to promote golf as the answer to middle-aged discontentment. Peter Alliss has no difficulty giving compelling reasons as to why golf is the perfect game for adults - breathtaking scenery, fresh air, camaraderie and instant therapy. Alliss describes how to go about taking up the game, what equipment is necessary to buy and who to contact for lessons. He describes the basic techniques of golf, how to maintain a consistent swing and how to build up self-confidence. GOLF - THE CURE FOR A GRUMPY OLD MAN is aimed at regular golfers whose skills have deteriorated and would-be golfers who need the guidance as to which path to follow. Alliss is humorous but always helpful and confirms the great game as a really accessible and hugely enjoyable pastime to pursue for both men and women.(P)2008 Hodder & Stoughton
Golf, It's Just a Game
by Bruce LanskyThis book contains some of the funniest comments ever made about golf by Lee Trevino, Arnold Palmer, Harvey Penick, Bob Hope, Buddy Hackett, Lewis Grizzard, Gerald Ford, and others. You'll also find wonderfully clever cartoons. There's a smile on every page.Sample Quotes: "I know I'm getting better at golf because I'm hitting fewer spectators." --Gerald Ford"It took me seventeen years to get three thousand hits in baseball. I did it in one afternoon on the golf course." --Hank Aaron
Golf Jokes: 350 Hilarious Quips, Zingers, and Belly Laughs
by Joshua ShifrinIn Golf Jokes, Josh Shifrin has put together a list of the funniest, most humorous, side-stitching, belly busting, and toe-tickling list of comedic prose to keep you laughing throughout anything this amazing game can throw at you. From concise one-liners to fuller-length quips, Shifrin takes you from the fairway to the green and beyond. Some of the hundreds of jokes include: Why do true golfers always avoid pie whenever possible? Because they are worried that they might get a slice.Why are golf balls similar to eggs? Because they&’re white, normally sold by the dozen, and every week you need to buy more of them.How many golfers does it take to change a light bulb? Fore!What gives most golfers nightmares? The Bogeyman.Where can you find a golfer on most Saturday nights? Out clubbing, of course.Golf is very similar to paying your taxes. You strive for the green but eventually come out in the hole.And many more! The perfect gift for golf gurus everywhere!
The Golfer's Alphabet
by A. B. Frost W.G. Van Sutphen<P> The timeless humor contained in this book first published in 1898, and its concern with the ever-rising popularity of golfing prompted its current reprinting. The distinctive signature of A. B. Frost on a cartoon or painting is the cause of much excitement at today's art exhibits and more so when it makes a rare appearance at an auction. Original works of this well-known artist are scarce and first editions of the 89 books he illustrated during his brilliant career are fast becoming collectors' items. Frost's biggest contribution to the world in giving visual realization to characters in a book is his unforgettable drawings of Br'er Rabbit and Uncle Remus (Uncle Remus and his Friends by Joel Chandler Harris). He has also illustrated the works of such notable authors as Charles Dickens (The Pickwick Papers), Mark Twain (Tom Sawyer Abroad, Tom Sawyer Detective and other Stories), former U . S . President Theodore Roosevelt (The Wilderness Hunter), and Lewis Carroll (Rhyme? And Reason?). <P> Works by Frost have also appeared in Harpers, Scribners, Colliers, Century, and Puck magazines. Frost showed a versatility with humor in words as well as in drawings by authoring several books. In addition, he was an accomplished painter, notably of hunting scenes. These lesser known though no less accomplished works were compiled in an 1895 Scribner portfolio, "Shooting Pictures," many of which still grace household calendars. Upon his death at 77, Frost was described as the "dean of our [American] illustrators." His obituary in the New York Evening Post in 1928 further eulogized, " Down through the ages, when he and we are gone, his genius will twinkle on in Huck and Tom and Ole Br'er Rabbit. What price monuments of stone?"
Golf's Best Excuses
by Joshua ShifrinExplain away your bad shots—and have your friends laugh at the same time! In Golf's Best Excuses, author Joshua Shifrin takes a witty approach in helping golfers make sense of their worst days on the course. The next time a player goes down in defeat, he or she can always explain the woeful round with “My golf clubs are too old.” Or after a bad putt, golfers might try to explain the mishap with, “There were too many spike marks on the green.” Shifrin has crafted 150 funny—but all-too-real—excuses for pros and amateurs alike. Examples include: I’m late for my wedding and it’s throwing off my concentration.I thought this hole was a dogleg to the left . . . not right.If I didn’t have those four double bogeys I could have scored really well today.Someone yelled “fore” during my backswing.Any many more! Whether you want to motivate the duffer in your life or laugh away embarrassing mistakes in your own game, Golf's Best Excuses is a must-read. Complete with laugh-out-loud full-color cartoons, this book makes for the perfect gift.
Golf's Funniest Jokes
by Jim ChumleyWhy did the golfer’s wife ask to be buried on the golf course? So she could be sure her husband would visit her grave. After a long day on the fairway, put away the patterned jumper and five-iron and laugh off the double-bogeys with this selection of hysterical jokes. Golf’s Funniest Jokes will suit golf fanatics to a tee.
Golf's Funniest Jokes
by Jim ChumleyWhy did the golfer’s wife ask to be buried on the golf course? So she could be sure her husband would visit her grave. After a long day on the fairway, put away the patterned jumper and five-iron and laugh off the double-bogeys with this selection of hysterical jokes. Golf’s Funniest Jokes will suit golf fanatics to a tee.
Golias se Levanta
by Starbuck O'DwyerEleito como um dos dois finalistas cinco estrelas para a premiação Indie Reader Discovery Awards de 2012 na categoria Humor, Golias se Levanta será um dos livros mais engraçados que você já leu. Descrito pelo Indie Reader como uma leitura hilária "em que você vai torcer descaradamente e alegremente pelo bando de desajustados mais escandalosos que já teve um sonho", Golias se Levanta é a história de "amigos por acaso que decidem que devem fazer algo importante para mudar suas vidas". Golias é um conto enérgico sobre uma tentativa de trazer a cerimônia do Oscar para Rochester, Nova Iorque, e salvar a cidade com isso.
Golk: A Novel (Phoenix Fiction Ser.)
by Richard Stern&“The first really good book I have read about television.&” —Norman Mailer In midcentury America, one man is determined to take over the airwaves with a program as audacious as it is entertaining. Bald, bombastic, and irresistible, Golk is his name and You&’re On Camera is his show. To &“golk&” someone is to trick her, on camera, into betraying her true nature. The more combative the personality, the better the joke, and to help trap his victims Golk enlists a team of misfits, including Herbert Hondorp, a scholarly layabout turned photogenic decoy, and Jeanine Hendricks, a twenty-three-old debutante with a bitter worldview. But Golk has bigger plans than just catching average Manhattanites unawares. As popular as You&’re On Camera has become, he knows the show is capable of making a greater, more transformative impact. The question is, will Herbert and Hendricks go along with his revolutionary agenda? Or will they bow to the power of the network and the seduction of celebrity? Combining high drama with surreal hilarity and presenting a remarkably prescient view of the future of television, Golk ranks with Nathanael West&’s The Day of the Locust as one of the finest novels ever written about the American entertainment industry.
The Gollancz eBook Collection (eBook)
by Robert RankinContains eight fantastic novels: THE HOLLOW CHOCOLATE BUNNIES OF THE APOCALYPSE, THE WITCHES OF CHISWICK, KNEES UP MOTHER EARTH, THE BRIGHINOMICON, THE TOYMINATOR, THE DA-DA-DE-DA-DA CODE, NECROPHENIA and RETROMANCER
Gone in a Flash (The E. J. Pugh Mysteries #11)
by Susan Rogers Cooper&“A trip to deliver their son to college pits a Texas family against several dangerous criminals. . . . A rollicking mystery.&” —Kirkus Reviews After almost ruining her marriage because of her habit of involving herself in dangerous business, E.J. Pugh is determined to stay out of any sleuthing and pay attention only to her husband, children, and writing career. How hard can it be? But through no fault of their own, E.J. and Willis are plunged into another crisis when someone hides a black satchel in Willis&’ truck, apparently while they were using it to cart their son—and all his stuff—to the University of Texas at Austin. And their foster daughter, Alicia, finding no ID inside, decides to make it her new backpack. When Alicia suddenly disappears, along with the satchel, E.J. and Willis are beside themselves, and E.J. has no choice but to get involved in another mystery, possibly connected to a murder in Austin—and this time, solving it is more urgent than ever . . . &“Plenty of red herrings and amusing characters who could have been friends of Stephanie Plum.&” —Kirkus Reviews &“One of today&’s finest mystery writers.&” —Carolyn Hart
Gone South: Boy's Life, Mystery Walk, Gone South, And Usher's Passing
by Robert R. MccammonA moment of madness forces a Vietnam veteran to run for his life Two decades after he finished serving his country in the jungles of Southeast Asia, Dan Lambert still pays the price. As he hustles for construction work in the heat of a brutal Louisiana summer, Dan tries to ignore the pounding in his head--a constant reminder of the Agent Orange-caused leukemia which will soon end his life. And now the bank wants to repossess his truck. His attempt to reason with the loan officer does not get him far. Dan loses himself in rage, and for a moment is back in the jungle again. When he comes out of his bloodlust, he has shot the banker through the chest. There is nothing to do but run. On his trail are two peculiar bounty hunters: a onetime Siamese twin and a heavyset Elvis impersonator. To save his own life, Dan is going to have to remember why it was worth living in the first place.
Gone with the Mind
by Mark LeynerThe blazingly inventive, fictional autobiography of Mark Leyner, one of America's "rare, true original voices." (Gary Shteyngart)Dizzyingly brilliant and raucously funny, GONE WITH THE MIND is the story of Mark Leyner's life, told as only Mark Leyner can. In this utterly unconventional, autobiographical novel, Mark Leyner gives a reading in the food court of a mall. Besides Mark's mother, who's driven him to the mall and introduces him before he begins, and a few employees of fast food chain Panda Express who ask a handful of questions, the reading is completely without audience. The action of GONE WITH THE MIND takes place exclusively at the food court, but the territory covered on these pages has no bounds.Existential, self-aware, and very much concerned with the relationship between a complicated mother and an even more complicated son, Leyner's story--with its bold, experimental structure--is a moving work of genius.
Gone with the Windsors: A Novel
by Laurie Graham“[A] witty and un-catty insight into British pre-war high society, as Wally and Maybell rise and shine while the storm clouds gather over Europe.” —IndependentA wicked comedy about the romance of the century—how Wallis Simpson caused the first, and greatest, royal scandal—from the best-selling author of The Future Homemakers of AmericaWhen Maybell Brumby, frisky, wealthy, and recently widowed, quits Baltimore and arrives in London, she finds that her old school chum, Bessie Wallis Warfield, is there ahead of her. Impoverished and ambitious as ever, Wallis is on the make. Hampered by plodding husband number two, but armed with terrific bone structure and a few erotic tricks picked up in China, Wallis sets her sights on the most eligible bachelor in the world: the Prince of Wales, heir to the throne. Maybell, with her deep pockets, makes the perfect ally, and her disarming dimness makes her the most delicious chronicler of the scandal that rocked a monarchy and changed the course of history.As fizzy as a freshly-popped bottle of champagne, Gone with the Windsors is a supremely clever entertainment: bedtime reading for lovers of Oscar Wilde and Noel Coward.
Gonville: A Memoir
by Peter BirkenheadIn powerful and spirited prose, Peter Birkenhead recounts a childhood spent trying to make sense of his father, a terrifying, charismatic presence who brutalized his family physically and emotionally at the same time that he enchanted them with his passion and whimsy. An avid gun collector yet an anti-war activist, a popular economics professor and a wife-swapping nudist, a leftist and a lifelong fan of the British Empire who would occasionally don an authentic pith helmet and imitate Michael Caine's performance as the heroic Lieutenant Gonville Bromhead in the bloody war film Zulu, he was a man who could knock his young son down the stairs one day and the next cry about putting the family's aged dog to sleep. Such is the contradictory figure at the center of this astonishingly candid and shocking memoir. As a young adult, Birkenhead reacted to his volatile childhood by forgetting its worst moments. He adopted all the trappings of normalcy, threw himself into a career as an actor, landing parts in Broadway plays like Brighton Beach Memoirs and Broadway Bound,both by Neil Simon, and found himself often playing characters who were angry at their fathers. Yet he discovered that he was sleepwalking through life, on occasion falling into rages that reminded him of his father. Then at thirty-one, eleven years after his parents' divorce, Birkenhead told his mother about his recurring dream of flying down the stairs of their house as a young boy. She revealed that it wasn't a dream, but a memory from his early childhood of being carried rapidly down the stairs by his mom after his father had pointed a gun at them. The revelation about the dream sparked the painful yet necessary process of examining his childhood and of ultimately moving beyond it, forcing Birkenhead to finally confront his father in a way that released him and his family from this complicated legacy. Combining the terror and wit of Running with Scissors, the poignancy and sense of place of The Tender Bar,with the sparkling prose of Oh the Glory of It All, Gonville is light on its feet even as it deals in the darkest of family tales. A harrowing and often humorous story of a son coming to terms with his alternately charming, cruel, generous, and violent father.
Gonzo Girl
by Cheryl Della Pietra'Raucous, page-turning, head-spinning, and side-splitting... Gonzo Girl will suck you in and take you on ride' Piper Kerman, author of Orange Is The New BlackAlley Russo is a recent college grad desperately trying to make it in the gruelling world of New York publishing, but like so many who have come before her, she has no connections and has settled for an unpaid magazine internship while slinging drinks on Bleecker Street just to make ends meet. That's when she hears the infamous Walker Reade is looking for an assistant to replace the eight others who have recently quit. Hungry for a chance to get her manuscript onto the desk of an experienced editor, Alley jumps at the opportunity to help Reade finish his latest novel.After surviving an absurd three-day 'trial period' involving a .44 magnum, purple-pyramid acid, violent verbal outbursts, brushes with fame and the law, a bevy of peacocks, and a whole lot of cocaine, Alley is invited to stay at the compound where Reade works. For months Alley attempts to coax the novel out of Walker page-by-page, all while battling his endless procrastination, vampiric schedule, Herculean substance abuse, mounting debt, and casual gunplay. But as the job begins to take a toll on her psyche, Alley realises she's alone in the Colorado Rockies at the mercy of a drug-addicted literary icon who may never produce another novel-and her fate may already be sealed.
Gonzo Girl
by Cheryl Della Pietra'Raucous, page-turning, head-spinning, and side-splitting... Gonzo Girl will suck you in and take you on ride' Piper Kerman, author of Orange Is The New BlackThe road to hell is paved with good intentions... tequila, guns and cocaine.Inspired by the author's time with Hunter S. Thompson, this is a smart, rollicking ride told with heart. Gonzo Girl is a loving fictional portrait of a larger-than-life literary icon, soon to be a major film.Alley Russo is a recent college grad desperately trying to make it in the gruelling world of New York publishing, but like so many who have come before her, she has no connections and has settled for an unpaid magazine internship while slinging drinks on Bleecker Street just to make ends meet. That's when she hears the infamous Walker Reade is looking for an assistant to replace the eight others who have recently quit. Hungry for a chance to get her manuscript onto the desk of an experienced editor, Alley jumps at the opportunity to help Reade finish his latest novel.After surviving an absurd three-day 'trial period' involving a .44 magnum, purple-pyramid acid, violent verbal outbursts, brushes with fame and the law, a bevy of peacocks, and a whole lot of cocaine, Alley is invited to stay at the compound where Reade works. For months Alley attempts to coax the novel out of Walker page-by-page, all while battling his endless procrastination, vampiric schedule, Herculean substance abuse, mounting debt, and casual gunplay. But as the job begins to take a toll on her psyche, Alley realises she's alone in the Colorado Rockies at the mercy of a drug-addicted literary icon who may never produce another novel-and her fate may already be sealed.(P)2015 Brilliance Audio
Gonzo Girl
by Cheryl Della Pietra"Long after the last drink is poured and the final gunshot fired, Cheryl Della Pietra's novel inspired by her time as Hunter S. Thompson's assistant will linger in your mind. This debut novel is raucous, page-turning, head-spinning, and side-splitting as it depicts a boss and mentor who is both devil and angel, and a young heroine who finds herself tested in the chaos that surrounds him. An intense story, Della Pietra's tale about writing, firearms, psychotropics, and the pros and cons of hot tubs will suck you in and take you on ride. Gonzo Girl is a ticket you want to buy." --Piper Kerman, author of Orange Is the New BlackAlley Russo is a recent college grad desperately trying to make it in the grueling world of New York publishing, but like so many who have come before her, she has no connections and has settled for an unpaid magazine internship while slinging drinks on Bleecker Street just to make ends meet. That's when she hears the infamous Walker Reade is looking for an assistant to replace the eight others who have recently quit. Hungry for a chance to get her manuscript onto the desk of an experienced editor, Alley jumps at the opportunity to help Reade finish his latest novel. After surviving an absurd three-day "trial period" involving a .44 magnum, purple-pyramid acid, violent verbal outbursts, brushes with fame and the law, a bevy of peacocks, and a whole lot of cocaine, Alley is invited to stay at the compound where Reade works. For months Alley attempts to coax the novel out of Walker page-by-page, all while battling his endless procrastination, vampiric schedule, Herculean substance abuse, mounting debt, and casual gunplay. But as the job begins to take a toll on her psyche, Alley realizes she's alone in the Colorado Rockies at the mercy of a drug-addicted literary icon who may never produce another novel--and her fate may already be sealed. A smart, rollicking ride told with heart, Gonzo Girl is a loving fictional portrait of a larger-than-life literary icon.
Good Advice from Bad People
by Zac BissonnetteGood Advice from Bad People is a daringly original humor book based on real quotes from murderers, stock swindlers, and other ne'er-do-wells. The world is full of people telling you how to live your life. Sometimes though, the advice-givers fall ever so slightly short themselves For instance:'The day you take complete responsibility for yourself, the day you stop making any excuse, that's the day you start to the top. ' O. J. Simpson, 1975'When you know what you are talking about, others will follow you, because it's safe to follow you. ' Lehman Brothers CEO Richard Fuld, 2006'I think the most important thing is restore a sense of idealism and end the cynicism. ' Future Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich, 2002'It is easier to get into something than to get out of it. ' Donald Rumsfeld, 1974Bissonnette also includes risk management advice from the man who triggered the world's largest hedge fund collapse; a pair of #1 bestselling relationship experts who married each other and promptly divorced; and gay-prostitute-patronizing pastor Ted Haggard on how to build a marriage that will last a lifetime. The result will keep you smiling while you glean all the wisdom you need to build the life you want . . . if only you can follow it better than the people who gave it