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How I Wonder What You Are
by Jane LoveringIn this delightfully down-to-earth romantic comedy, love is in the stars . . . It’s been over eighteen months since Molly Gilchrist has had a man (in any way), so when she stumbles upon one lying passed out—and stark naked—on the moors one morning, it seems like the universe is having a laugh at her expense. But her discovery, Dr. Phinneas Baxter, is not your everyday drunken layabout, as Molly is soon to discover. He’s got a PhD in astrophysics, a razor-sharp wit, and a trainwreck of a romantic past that’s a match for Molly’s own love life. Neither Molly nor Phinn is in any hurry to get mixed up with the other. But sometimes the last person you’re looking for is the first person you’d like to find . . .
How Lulu Lost Her Mind: A Novel
by Rachel GibsonFrom New York Times bestselling author Rachel Gibson comes the story of a mother-daughter journey to rediscover the past before it disappears forever.Lou Ann Hunter&’s mother, Patricia, has always had a passionate nature, which explains why she&’s been married and divorced five times and spooned enough male patients to be ousted from three elderly care facilities. She also has Alzheimer&’s, which is why she wants to spend the rest of her life surrounded by childhood memories at Sutton Hall, her family&’s decrepit plantation home in Louisiana. Lou Ann, a.k.a. Lulu the Love Guru, has built an empire preaching sex, love, and relationship advice to the women of America—mostly by defying the example her mother has set for her. But with Patricia suddenly in need of a fulltime caretaker, Lou Ann reluctantly agrees to step out of the spotlight and indulge her mother&’s wishes, even if it means trading in her Louboutins and Chanel N°5 for boots and mosquito repellant. Upon her arrival at Sutton Hall, Lou Ann discovers that very little functions as it should—least of all Patricia&’s mind. And as she adjusts to this new and inevitably temporary dynamic with the help of a local handyman and a live-in nurse, she is forced to confront the reality that neither her nor her mother&’s future is going according to plan. Heartrending at times and laugh-out-loud funny at others, How Lulu Lost Her Mind is the book for everyone and their mother. Fans of Emily Giffin, Kristan Higgins, and Jill Shalvis won&’t be able to forget it.
How Many Zen Buddhists Does It Take to Screw in a Light Bulb?
by Matt Freedman Paul HoffmanExamples of the humor craze of the 1980s - the light bulb joke!
How Martha Saved Her Parents from Green Beans
by David LaRochelleMartha HATES green beans. When some mean, green bandits stroll into town, anyone who ever said "Eat your green beans" is in big trouble. But when the beans kidnap Martha's parents, Martha is forced to take action. She can think of only one way to stop the villainous veggies from taking over her town, and it&’s not pretty...or tasty. Featuring absurdly funny text and illustrations with attitude, this is a hilarious read for everyone – even the pickiest of eaters.
How May I Offend You Today?: Rants and Revelations from a Not-So-Proper Southern Lady
by Susannah B. LewisUSA Today bestselling author Susannah B. Lewis (creator of Whoa! Susannah) is back with another hilarious take on what so many people are thinking but are afraid to say aloud.Millions of online fans have flocked to Susannah B. Lewis's hysterical, take-no-prisoners rants about her pet peeves in everyday life. Now, in How May I Offend You Today?, Lewis turns her trademark humor to ordinary events that work her nerves--from people who wear t-shirts with indecent images to public displays of affection in the plumbing aisle of Lowe's--while keeping a wry eye on herself and her own temptation to vent grievances "like a teenage girl in overalls and Birkenstocks."Weaving together anecdotes from her distinctly Southern life with frequent references to the Bible, what she calls "our manual for living," Lewis says what many of us have thought, and in the process encourages us to stand firm in our views. The witty-yet-down-to-earth banter and uplifting, inspirational message of How May I Offend You Today? gives readers everywhere the boost necessary to make it through even their most trying days.
How May We Hate You?
by Todd Dakotah Briscoe Anna DrezenMost people think hotel employees are effortlessly cheerful, naturally helpful, and genuinely like their work. Most people are wrong. Find out what really goes on in the world of hospitality with this hilarious book full of funny and absurd stories, anecdotes told in dialogue, factoids, and hoax pop quizzes by two veteran concierges who paid their way while working at a combined 50 hotels in and around Times Square. They are very pleased to help you learn: · The Truth About Bed Bugs · The Mythology of "Loyalty Programs" · The 411 on Hotel Residents · And so much more Filled with photographs and infographics, How May We Hate You? is both romp and commentary on the hospitality industry and life behind the nametag.
How My Book Club Got Arrested (Book Club Trilogy #1)
by Leslie O'KaneTake a zany road trip to Branson, Missouri, with Leslie O’Kane’s HOW MY BOOK CLUB GOT ARRESTED as a group of book lovers get involved in one story too many!A cross-country road trip with the Second Saturday Book Club goes afoul when the four women meet the author of a classic, beloved children’s book at the Ball of Twine in Cawker, Kansas, and offer her a ride to Branson, Missouri. They are on their way to watch their youngest book-club member star in a musical revue with her longtime boyfriend. From the moment they meet author Eugena Crowder, not a single item on their itinerary goes according to plan—not the Dolly Parton Dixie Stampede, the Branson Ghost Tour, the Rockin’ Oldies Show, the Hypnotist Dinner Show, not even their monthly book discussion. All hope seems truly lost when their final destination—a visit to the Laura Ingalls Wilder Museum—is replaced by a stint at the Branson jailhouse! Can their long history together of dissecting plots and analyzing characters help them escape criminal prosecution? Praise for Leslie O’Kane’s books“Humor is never in short supply in this fun, engaging mystery, which is certain to delight fans of cozies.” –Romantic Times “This story is delightful in every way…entertaining, humorous, serious, and totally engrossing from the first page to the last. And sprinkled throughout are tasty decorating tips.” –Midwest Book Review
How My Neighbour Stole Christmas: A incredibly steamy, hilarious, forced proximity, small town festive romantic comedy about fake-dating your neighbor
by Meghan QuinnA candy cane-filled, enemies-to-lovers, festive fake-dating romance to spice up everyone's stockings this Christmas . . .As his fellow citizens decorate their quaint town, brimming with carols and glad tidings, Cole wants nothing more than to hibernate the winter away. But his dreary plans are thwarted when his nemesis, Storee Taylor, moves in next door to care for her Aunt Cindy.Immediately his new neighbour turns his world into a real-life nightmare-before-Christmas, especially when she decides to enter the town's Christmas Kringle contest - which she's determined to win.But Cole's got other ideas in mind. Entering the competition himself, he's planning to beat Storee at her own game by pretending this grump's heart has grown three sizes this season, and he's fallen for the girl next door.But the competition isn't the only thing that's starting to heat up - so are Cole and Storee's feelings for each other. Before they know it, things are starting to get very complicated, and all it takes is one night for someone to steal it all...TROPES:Enemies-to-loversSmall townForced proximityFake datingA lot of spice 🌶️ 🌶️ 🌶️But also expect...A snow storm rescuePorch talks, cocoa, and your childhood crushExcessive use of flannelElite holiday song referencesFake dating to reverse fake datingInappropriate use of a candy cane...REAL READERS ARE OBSESSED WITH MEGHAN QUINN'S BOOKS... 'Outrageously laugh-out-loud funny' ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ 'The way I completely obsessed about this book was not okay!' ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ 'Perfect combination of sweet, sassy, funny and spicy' ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ 'The banter was top tier! The spice was amazing!' ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ 'All the brother's-best-friend, fake-dating, enemies-to-lovers goodness packaged together in an adventure full of second-hand embarrassment and swoon-worthy moments' ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ 'OH MY!!!' ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
How Nina Got Her Fang Back: An Accidental Quickie (Accidentally Paranormal Ser. #13)
by Dakota Cassidy"Look, Fakey-Locks, I said I'd go and I'm going, okay? Now get the flip off me before I pluck your stupid bullshit extension eyelashes out one at a time!"How Nina Got Her Fang Back, is Book 13 of the Accidentally Paranormal series by USA Today bestselling romantic comedy author Dakota Cassidy. A hilarious tale about ex-vampire Nina, a witch ...um doctor... in charge of helping Nina cope, and the crew of OOPS as they are dragged into danger...again!It's been a while since Nina Statleon-ex-coffin lover, current chicken wing lover-lost her vampire mojo during a particularly brutal OOPS case. Her friends Wanda and Marty are worried. Nina clearly hasn't dealt with the emotional fallout caused by losing one's immortality. She's got issues. Big issues. And it's time to call in the Big Gun-paranormal psychologist January Malone. Her friends will get Nina to the therapist's office, even if they have to lure her with the last bag of Cheetos in Manhattan.Of course, the girls couldn't possibly know that Doctor Malone has an agenda. A forced agenda involving blackmail, which may just save one life...while ending another. It goes against everything January, a white witch, has ever believed in, personally and professionally.But the alternative means putting her trust in a foul-mouthed ex-vampire, her werewolf and halfsie friends, a demon, a zombie, a bear and their assorted mates...Yikes!How Nina Got Her Fang Back is a paranormal romantic comedy and contains vampires, shifters, witches, supernatural creatures, and LOL fun.
How Not To Get Rich: The Financial Misadventures of Mark Twain
by Alan Pell CrawfordA Wealthmanagement.com Best Business Book of 2017 An uproarious account of Mark Twain&’s endless attempts to strike it rich, all of which served only to empty his pockets Mark Twain&’s lifetime spans America&’s era of greatest economic growth. And Twain was an active, even giddy, participant in all the great booms and busts of his time, launching himself into one harebrained get-rich scheme after another. But far from striking it rich, the man who coined the term &“Gilded Age&” failed with comical regularity to join the ranks of plutocrats who made this period in America notorious for its wealth and excess. Instead, Twain&’s mining firm failed, despite striking real silver. He ended up somehow owing money over his 70,000 acres of inherited land. And his plan to market the mysteriously energizing coca leaves from the Amazon fizzled when no ships would sail to South America. Undaunted, Twain poured his money into the latest newfangled inventions of his time, all of which failed miserably. In Crawford&’s hilarious telling, the familiar image of Twain takes on a new and surprising dimension. Twain&’s story of financial optimism and perseverance is a kind of cracked-mirror history of American business itself—in its grandest cockeyed manifestations, its most comical lows, and its determined refusal to ever give up.
How Not To Run For President
by Catherine Clark"Humorous dialogue, smart pacing and some dirty politics make for an engaging read. With an election around the corner, this isn’t a bad way for young readers to view the political arena. "-Kirkus Reviews When the middle school band is called to play for a presidential campaign rally, Aidan is right there with his clarinet, just in time to save the candidate’s life. Interviewed by the media, he speaks up in favor of the need to save jobs-like his mom’s, for instance. Even though he’s in the middle of Little League season, for pete’s sake, the candidate convinces him to join her tour of the midwest. Problem 1: The candidate’s daughter HATES Aidan. Problem 2: What do you do when your whole life has been turned upside down and you can’t get away from the media? Problem 3: What’s a red-blooded American boy to do when he’s asked to play the clarinet on national TV and the local bully back home is giving interviews saying Aidan’s the nerd of the century?
How Not to Act Like a Grumpy Old Man
by Mary Mchugh Duncan RandIs Your Age Getting You Down? Are you now grumpy because of it? If you're looking for ways to start thinking and acting young again, then this humorous, advice-filled book is for you. Included are tips of how you can live a happy, fulfilling, and exciting senior life. Discover ways to make each day better than the last while feeling better, looking better, and enjoying yourself more with hobbies, travel, continued education, second careers, and even marriage, while not overlooking the value family and friends, plus much more. So why be grumpy in your golden years when your life can still be productive, fun and fulfilling? How Not to Act Like a Grumpy Old Man will show you the way.
How Not to Act Like a Little Old Lady
by Mary MchughIn this humorous, advice-filled book, best-selling author Mary McHugh has written down her secrets for living a long and happy life after 50. If you're looking for ways to enrich your days, to be happier, to find a new approach to life's problems, you need this book. It's for everyone who wants to make the years ahead more fulfilling, more fun and more meaningful. Each chapter is a short take on making every day better than the day before. If you want to look better, feel better, have more fun, try the tips in this easy-to-read, lively book, so you never act like a little old lady.
How Not to Act Old: 185 Ways to Pass for Phat, Sick, Dope, Awesome, or at Least Not Totally Lame
by Pamela Redmond SatranHow to be cool when you're afraid you've forgotten how . . . Sure, you can try to stay younger by exercising, coloring your hair, and wearing stylish clothes--but how do you respond when someone asks, "Do you Twitter?" How Not to Act Old gives you simple ways to come back from over the hill and to act as young as you look.Covering everything from old-people entertainment (cancel that dinner party!) to old-people communication (it's called a "voice mail," not a "message," and no one leaves or listens to them anyway), Pamela Redmond Satran decodes the behaviors, viewpoints, and cultural touchstones that separate you from the hip young person you wish you still were. This irreverent guide is essential for anyone who doesn't want to embarrass their kids--or themselves.
How Not to Act Old: 185 Ways to Pass for Phat, Sick, Dope, Awesome, or at Least Not Totally Lame
by Pamela Redmond SatranHow to be cool when you're afraid you've forgotten how . . . Sure, you can try to stay younger by exercising, coloring your hair, and wearing stylish clothes--but how do you respond when someone asks, "Do you Twitter?" How Not to Act Old gives you simple ways to come back from over the hill and to act as young as you look.Covering everything from old-people entertainment (cancel that dinner party!) to old-people communication (it's called a "voice mail," not a "message," and no one leaves or listens to them anyway), Pamela Redmond Satran decodes the behaviors, viewpoints, and cultural touchstones that separate you from the hip young person you wish you still were. This irreverent guide is essential for anyone who doesn't want to embarrass their kids--or themselves.
How Not to Be a Basic Peasant: A Medieval Bard's Guide to Living Your Best Life
by Kristen MulrooneyHark Peasants! Let this Bard guide you on the journey to becoming a better version of your peasant self. Imagine if the Middle Ages had its own set of influencers and life coaches. Their collected wisdom would produce this very guide. Here, the ultimate Bard takes readers on a self-improvement journey—with lessons that any peasant can pick up and instantly start implementing into their lives. Examples include: How not to make a fool of thyself at the local tavern How to make a scene at a jousting tournament to stay relevant How to make your tiny home into a pleasant place to reside (spoiler: it involves sweeping out the rats) What not to wear (is chainmail in or out?) And what to do in case of a bear chase Including helpful and insightful illustrations inspired by medieval art, this handy guide will keep you become just slightly better than your peers, even if you may never achieve royalty status.
How Not to Be a Dick
by Meghan DohertyOn the one hand, nobody wants to be a dick. On the other hand, dicks are everywhere! They cut in line, talk behind our backs, recline into our seats, and even have the power to morph into trolls online. Their powers are impressive, but with a little foresight and thoughtfulness, we can take a stand against dickishness today. How Not to Be a Dick is packed with honest and straightforward advice, but it also includes playful illustrations showing two well-meaning (but not always well behaved) young people as they confront moments of potential dickishness in their everyday lives. Sometimes they falter, sometimes they triumph, but they always seek to find a better way. And with their help, you can too.
How Not to Be a Dick: An Everyday Etiquette Guide
by Meghan DohertyOn the one hand, nobody wants to be a dick. On the other hand, dicks are everywhere! They cut in line, talk behind our backs, recline into our seats, and even have the power to morph into trolls online. Their powers are impressive, but with a little foresight and thoughtfulness, we can take a stand against dickishness today. How Not to Be a Dick is packed with honest and straightforward advice, but it also includes playful illustrations showing two well-meaning (but not always well behaved) young people as they confront moments of potential dickishness in their everyday lives. Sometimes they falter, sometimes they triumph, but they always seek to find a better way. And with their help, you can too. Just see the agreement at the beginning of the book: I pledge to use the tools and techniques provided in this book to help make the world a less dickish place. "Doherty fires absurd twenty-first-century zingers that happen to be really, really, really funny."—starred, Booklist
How Not to Become a Crotchety Old Man
by Mary McHughA crotchety old man decided to wash his sweatshirt. He threw it in the washing machine and yelled to his wife, "What setting do I use?" His wife asked, "What does it say on the shirt?" He yelled back, "University of Texas."If this man sounds like someone you know, chances are he's a crotchety old man!We all have a crotchety old man in our lives. Maybe he's your father, your grandfather, your brother, your husband-or, though you'd never admit it, even you!From the author of How Not to Become a Little Old Lady here's the companion, How Not to Become a Crotchety Old Man, a lighthearted celebration of the grumpy old men in your life. Author Mary McHugh's 250 hilarious truths about cranky, crusty old guys who would rather spend days trying to build something rather than read the instructions are coupled with the charming and humorous art of Adrienne Hartman.If he's ever done one of the following things, it's a sure sign you have a crotchety old man on your hands:* Stood in the middle of the kitchen and said, "Where's the butter?"* Bought cans of broken cashews because they're cheaper.* Yelled at news anchors on television.* Cheated on his diet but yelled at his wife when she ate one MandM.Perfect for Father's Day, How Not to Become a Crotchety Old Man is for any man who wants to ensure he doesn't slip into the crotchety zone. It also makes a great gift for that guy in your life who is a crotchety old man but will never believe one line in this book is about him!
How Not to Become a Little Old Lady: A Mini Gift Book
by Mary McHughYou can be little. You can be old. You can be a lady. But you don&’t have to be a little old lady! We&’ve all seen her, hunched forward, her hair tucked neatly under a plastic rain bonnet. She&’s clutching expired coupons, or discussing her latest health problems over lunch. She&’s a little old lady . . . and she's coming your way at 2 mph. Little old ladies have elastic waistbands on all their slacks. They save rubber bands, remember fifteen-cent McDonald&’s hamburgers, and have never seen a public rest room that was clean enough. How Not to Become a Little Old Lady is for any woman who is proud to have escaped little old ladyhood—or those in danger of slipping into it. Lighthearted and affectionately funny, it also includes charming illustrations from Adrienne Hartman.
How Not to Calm a Child on a Plane: And Other Lessons in Parenting from a Highly Questionable Source
by Johanna SteinAs Nia Vardalos (My Big Fat Greek Wedding) points out, "These stories will make milk shoot from one of your nostrils and a martini from the other. Johanna Stein brings to mind the unflinching honesty and compassion of Nora Ephron."Looking for the perfect book to help you survive childbirth and parenting with your sanity intact? Look elsewhere. For Johanna Stein, parenting is an extreme sport. Her stories from the trenches may not always be shared experiences-have you ever turned a used airplane barf-bag into a puppet to calm your wailing baby?-but they will always make you laugh. Columnist Lisa Belkin advises: "It is dangerous to read [Johanna] any place where it is inappropriate to laugh uncontrollably. It is also dangerous to read her if your bladder control is not what it once was. But once you soldier through and do read her you have made a friend-one who 'gets it' and makes 'it' easier to do because she's on your team."So, no, this book won't teach you how to deal with nipple blisters or oedipal complexes. But if you want to learn why you should never attempt to play a practical joke in the delivery room, then you're in the right place.
How Not to Die Alone \ Cómo no morir solo (Spanish edition)
by Richard RoperUna novela de estreno muy divertida y que puede resonar a los lectores de Eleanor Oliphant buenísima: la historia de un hombre al que se le ofrece una segunda oportunidad de vida y amor cuando desarrolla una amistad inesperada: si es capaz de contar la mentira blanca que dijo hace años y que ya se ha convertido algo mucho más complejo.El día a día de Andrew es un poco sombrío, su trabajo consiste en buscar familiares para acompañar a aquellos que mueren solos. Afortunadamente, tiene una familia amorosa que lo espera cuando llega a casa, para ayudar a olvidar las preocupaciones del día. Al menos, eso es lo que creen sus compañeros de trabajo.Andrew no quiso que ocurriera el malentendido, pero quedó atrapado en su propia mentira blanca. La fantasía de su esposa y sus dos hijos se ha convertido en un escape placentero de su solitario dormitorio en los que solo tiene discos de Ella Fitzgerald por compañía. Pero cuando la nueva empleada Peggy entra en su vida como un soplo de aire fresco, Andrew es sacudido de su rutina. Ella no percibe el secreto que Andrew oculta.Andrew debe elegir: ¿Dice la verdad y comienza realmente a vivir su vida, pero corre el riesgo de perder su amistad con Peggy? ¿O se mantendrá a salvo y solo, detrás de la fachada? Cómo no morir solo se trata de la importancia de arriesgarse en los momentos en que tenemos más que perder. Afilada y divertida, cálida y real, es el tipo de historia de gran corazón que todos necesitamos.
How Not to Embarrass Your Kids: 250 Don'ts for Parents of Teens
by Zack Elias Travis GoldmanA guide for parents of teenagers.
How Not to Fall in Love
by Jacqueline FirkinsA hardened cynic and a hopeless romantic teach each other about love in this swoony and heartful romance that&’s perfect for fans of Tweet Cute and The Upside of Falling.Harper works in her mom&’s wedding shop, altering dresses for petulant and picky brides who are more focused on hemlines than love. After years of watching squabbles break out over wedding plans, Harper thinks romance is a marketing tool. Nothing more. Her best friend Theo is her opposite. One date and he&’s already dreaming of happily-ever-afters. He also plays the accordion, makes chain mail for Ren Festers, hangs out in a windmill-shaped tree house, cries over rom-coms, and takes his word-of-the-day calendar very seriously. When Theo&’s shocked to find himself nursing his umpteenth heartbreak, Harper offers to teach him how not to fall in love. Theo agrees to the lessons, as long as Harper proves she can date without falling in love. As the lessons progress and Theo takes them to heart, Harper has a harder time upholding her end of the bargain. She&’s also checking out her window to see if Theo&’s home from his latest date yet. She's even watching rom-coms. If she confesses her feelings, she&’ll undermine everything she&’s taught him. Or was he the one teaching her?
How Not to Get Shot: And Other Advice From White People
by Doug Moe D. L. HughleyNEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER • A GOODREADS CHOICE AWARDS FINALIST"Hilarious yet soul-shaking." —Black EnterpriseThe fearless comedy legend—one of the “Original Kings of Comedy”—hilariously breaks down the wisdom of white people, advice that has been killing black folks in America for four hundred years and counting.200 years ago, white people told black folks, “‘I suggest you pick the cotton if you don’t like getting whipped.” Today, it’s “comply with police orders if you don’t want to get shot.” Now comedian/activist D. L. Hughley–one the Original Kings of Comedy–confronts and remixes white people’s “advice” in this “hilarious examination of the current state of race relations in the United States” (Publishers Weekly).In America, a black man is three times more likely to be killed in encounters with police than a white guy. If only he hadcomplied with the cop, he might be alive today, pundits say in the aftermath of the latest shooting of an unarmed black man. Or, Maybe he shouldn’t have worn that hoodie … or, moved moreslowly … not been out so late … Wait, why are black peopleallowed to drive, anyway? This isn’t a new phenomenon. White people have been giving “advice” to black folks for as long as anyone can remember, telling them how to pick cotton, where to sit on a bus, what neighborhood to live in, when they can vote, and how to wear our pants. Despite centuries of whites’ advice, it seems black people still aren’t listening, and the results are tragic.Now, at last, activist, comedian, and New York Times bestselling author D. L. Hughley offers How Notto Get Shot, an illustrated how-to guide for black people, full of insight from white people, translated by one of the funniest black dudes on the planet. In these pages you will learn how to act, dress, speak, walk, and drive in the safest manner possible. You also will finally understand the white mind. It is a book that can save lives. Or at least laugh through the pain.Black people: Are you ready to not get shot! White people: Do you want to learn how to help the cause? Let’s go!