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How to Be a Hero
by Florence Parry HeideOnce upon a time, there was a nice boy and his name was Gideon. He lived in a nice house, and he had nice parents and lots of toys. But Gideon wasn't satisfied. He wanted to be a hero. You know, a hero, with his name on the front page of the newspaper. That sort of thing. So how does anyone get to be a hero, anyway? Heroes have to be strong. Heroes have to be brave. Heroes have to be clever. Don't they? With wry humor, Florence Parry Heide and Chuck Groenink explore how we choose our idols in a witty story that leaves it to readers to decide the real nature of heroism. Plus, this is the fixed format version, which looks almost identical to the print edition.
How to Be a Heroine
by Samantha EllisWhile debating literature's greatest heroines with her best friend, thirtysomething playwright Samantha Ellis has a revelation--her whole life, she's been trying to be Cathy Earnshaw of Wuthering Heights when she should have been trying to be Jane Eyre. With this discovery, she embarks on a retrospective look at the literary ladies--the characters and the writers--whom she has loved since childhood. From early obsessions with the March sisters to her later idolization of Sylvia Plath, Ellis evaluates how her heroines stack up today. And, just as she excavates the stories of her favorite characters, Ellis also shares a frank, often humorous account of her own life growing up in a tight-knit Iraqi Jewish community in London. Here a life-long reader explores how heroines shape all our lives.From the Trade Paperback edition.
How to Be a Hollywood Star: Your Guide to Living the Fabulous Life
by Stephen P. WilliamsConfidential: For Stars’ Eyes Only Worried that your air kisses lack panache? Afraid to go to a Lakers game lest you sit too close and annoy Jack Nicholson? Wondering why you don’t have a star on Hollywood’s Walk of Fame? Relax! You hold in your hand the fabledHow to Be a Hollywood Star, the top-secret guide to managing the details of your fabulous celebrity lifestyle. The ultimate primer for Tinseltown newbies, it’s been passed down through generations of Hollywood’s elite. And now you’ve got your very own copy. Baby, you have arrived. Useful tips include: • Dating and romance for the rich and famous • Daily diva affirmations • Six surefire ways to spot a stalker • Ten tasks stars should delegate to their assistants • Negotiating the Cannes Film Festival • How to sell out discreetly • Choosing a Hollywood home, yacht, and car that suit your image • Selecting the trendy religion that is right for you • What to pack for rehab and how to hire a prison coach Whether you’re already a huge star or just wish you were, this helpful, often hilarious manual explains the nuts and bolts of Hollywood stardom—from outrunning the paparazzi to mastering the art of the onscreen kiss. Taken from interviews with the stars, the members of their entourage, their nannies and personal assistants, and the countless employees who make the whole thing look effortless, here is your road map to navigating the top-secret world of the stars.
How to Be a Knight (Little Golden Book)
by Matt HuntleyA brand-new LEGO® Little Golden Book about using courage and creativity to be a knight!Milo wants to be a knight like his big, bold brothers, but he&’s not sure he&’s brave enough. Will a dragon in distress help him find the courage and creativity to make his dreams come true? Find out in this sweet and silly storybook, the first in a line of LEGO® Little Golden Books. The combination of two classics–LEGO® Minifigures and Little Golden Books–makes this the perfect book for kids ages 4 and up or collectors of all ages! LEGO, the LEGO logo, the Brick and Knob configurations, and the Minifigure are trademarks of the LEGO Group. ©2021 The LEGO Group.Manufactured by AMEET Sp. z o.o. under license from the LEGO Group.
How to Be a Man (Whatever That Means): Lessons in Modern Masculinity from a Questionable Source
by James BreakwellThere's no wrong way to be a woman. There are countless wrong ways to be a man. James Breakwell should know. He's tried just about all of them. Journalism. Pig ownership. Felony lawn gnome theft. Whatever masculinity is supposed to be, this can't be it. But can you really fail at something no one can quite define? Apparently. Now, in a series of funny, sharply observed, and occasionally poignant essays, everyone's favorite internet-famous father of four daughters lays down a lifetime of lessons in what it means to be a man. You'll laugh. You'll cry. You'll wonder what really happened to those creepy lawn gnomes on that deserted country road. (Spoiler alert: They're right behind you.) If you ever wanted to know how to fail at altruism, dodge the priesthood, and stumble your way into unexpected wisdom, this book is for you. How to Be a Man (Whatever that Means) presents a vision of manhood that looks very different from what you'll see on TV. And that's a good thing. Probably.
How to Be a Pirate (Little Golden Book)
by Nicole JohnsonA brand-new LEGO® Little Golden Book about using courage and creativity to be a pirate!Cecilia&’s dream of becoming a pirate and sailing the seas comes true when she joins her grandfather&’s pirate crew! See what happens in this sweet and silly storybook that&’s part of a new line of LEGO® Little Golden Books. The combination of two classics–LEGO Minifigures and Little Golden Books–makes this the perfect book for kids ages 4 and up or collectors of all ages! Little Golden Books enjoy nearly 100% consumer recognition. They feature beloved classics, hot licenses, and new original stories . . . the classics of tomorrow. LEGO, the LEGO logo, the Brick and Knob configurations and the Minifigure are trademarks and/or copyrights of the LEGO Group. ©2022 The LEGO Group. All rights reserved.
How to Be a Pirate (The Heroic Misadventures of Hiccup Horrendous Haddock III #2)
by Cressida CowellIn this companion to the popular "How to Train Your Dragon," Hiccup Horrendous III is now a pirate in training with the Hairy Hooligan tribe. Witty dialogue, slapstick humor, and energetic drawings make this action-packed tale ideal for the adventurous.
How to Be a Princess (Little Golden Book)
by Sue FliessA Little Golden Book about how to be a princess inside and out!Being a princess requires many skills, and now thanks to Little Golden Books, there is a way to learn them all. Join little Claire as she spends the day with a real princess, learning everything from how to boogie at the palace balls to helping those in need. Full of colorful illustrations and a playful rhyming story, children will be sure to give this delightful story a royal reception.
How to Be a Rock Star
by Lisa TolinIn this hilarious, tongue-in-cheek picture book debut, one little kid who really loves to rock and roll explains everything there is to know about starting a rock band.&“A joyous, raucous must-have manual for little rock stars everywhere.&” —Savannah Guthrie, Today show co-anchor Becoming a rock star isn't easy—especially if you're a kid. From finding the right instrument, to mastering the best dance moves, to taking your band on the road, there's a lot to consider! And that's not to mention dealing with critics, crazed fans, and a little brother with a chocolate milk problem . . . Luckily, this book has everything you need to know to make it big. This giggle-inducing guide to aspiring rock and rollers, chock-full of laugh-out-loud illustrations, is sure to leave readers both young and young at heart shouting for an encore! &“Kids who rock and parents who love them will cheer this fun, and very funny, picture book how-to guide for starting a band.&” —Laurie Berkner, children&’s recording artist
How to Be a Supervillain: Bad Guys Finish First (How to Be a Supervillain #3)
by Michael FryVictor Spoil realizes he's not cut out for life as a supervillain and instead decides to be...a librarian. Little does he know that librarians are a kick-butt secret society who will stop at nothing to control---and shush---the world! It's time for Victor Spoil to hang up his cape. After trying to be the supervillain his diabolical parents always wanted, it's time he followed his own dream to become a librarian. As a nice guy who likes quiet and order, Victor knows he'll be happy reading books for the rest of his life.But when his library is suddenly attacked by robot ninjas and he sees his boss leap into battle, Victor learns that librarians are actually a secret league working to bring order to the whole world. It all sounds wonderful to Victor...until he finds out that his friends are planning to destroy the librarians' plan for peace. Who's right and who's wrong? Sometimes it's hard to tell if you're a good guy...or a supervillain.
How to Be a Supervillain: Born to Be Good (How to Be a Supervillain #2)
by Michael FryA sequel has never been this good...at being bad! In this highly anticipated follow-up to the bestselling How to Be a Supervillain, Victor Spoil must save the world from an evil scheme to enslave the superheroes and villains--to his parents' utter disappointment.Victor Spoil hates the Junior Super Academy. It makes him cranky--and his parents couldn't be prouder, because supervillains aren't meant to be nice. Until Victor confesses he wants to leave and become a librarian. The horror!But when superheroes and villains--including his parents--start disappearing, only a dedicated do-gooder like Victor can track them down. He discovers that the supers are being captured to square off against aliens in gladiator-like shows. And unlike the scripted fights that the supers usually sign up for, these battles are to the death!Victor and his fellow super students must join together and harness their super powers to battle this dastardly mega-villain. But to be a hero, Victor finally has to embrace his inner villain. Will he be able to stoop that low?
How to Be a Texan: The Manual
by Andrea ValdezFrom two-stepping to tamaladas, &“a must-read manual for anyone looking to learn more about the wild and wonderful state&” (Texas Monthly) There are certain things every Texan should know how to do and say, whether your Lone Star roots reach all the way back to the 1836 Republic or you were just transplanted yesterday. Some of these may be second nature to you, but others…well, maybe it wouldn&’t hurt to have a few handy hints if, say, branding the herd or hosting a tamalada aren&’t your usual pastimes. That&’s where How to Be a Texan can help. In a lighthearted style, Andrea Valdez offers illustrated, easy-to-follow steps for dozens of authentic Texas activities and sayings. In no time, you&’ll be talking like a Texan and dressing the part; hunting, fishing, and ranching; cooking your favorite Texas dishes; and dancing cumbia and two-step. You&’ll learn how to take a proper bluebonnet photo and build a Día de los Muertos altar, and you&’ll have a bucket list of all the places Texans should visit in their lifetime. Not only will you know how to do all these things, you&’ll finish the book with a whole new appreciation for what it means to be a Texan.
How to Be a Unicorn (Little Golden Book)
by Matt HuntleyA brand-new LEGO® Little Golden Book about the importance of being yourself!Sandy isn&’t like the other kids in her town—she loves to wear her unicorn costume all the time. People think she&’s odd. But when there&’s a mystery that only she can solve, they see the power of Sandy&’s creativity and teamwork. The combination of two classics—LEGO® Minifigures and Little Golden Books—makes this sweet and silly story perfect for kids ages 4 and up, and collectors of all ages!Little Golden Books enjoy nearly 100% consumer recognition. They feature beloved classics, hot licenses, and new original stories . . . the classics of tomorrow.LEGO, the LEGO logo, the Brick and Knob configurations and the Minifigure are trademarks and/or copyrights of the LEGO Group. ©2022 The LEGO Group. All rights reserved. Manufactured under license granted to AMEET Sp. z o.o. by the LEGO Group.
How to Be a Villain: Evil Laughs, Secret Lairs, Master Plans and More!!!
by Neil ZawackiJumpstart your evil enterprise with this deviously clever step-by-step guide to joining the forces of darkness.Villains may never win, but they sure have more fun. Who doesn’t want to hatch a master plan for world domination or set up an evil hideout? In How to Be a Villain, Neil Zawacki answers all the most urgent questions: Should I go with a black or red theme? Do I invest in an army of winged monkeys or ninja warriors? And should I learn to play the pipe organ or just get a weird cat? Whether readers choose to pursue a career as a Criminal Mastermind, Mad Scientist, Corporate Bastard, or just a Wanna-be Evil Genius, they are sure to find plenty of tips for getting started. Cheaper than attending the annual Bad Guy Conference and way more fun than being good, How to Be a Villain is guaranteed to elicit deep-throated evil laughs across the land.
How to Be a Woman
by Caitlin Moran<P>Caitlin Moran puts a new face on feminism, cutting to the heart of women's issues today with her irreverent, transcendent, and hilarious How to Be a Woman.
How to Be a Working Comic: An Insider's Guide to a Career in Stand-up Comedy
by Dave SchwensenThis funny book about being funny aims to show how aspiring comedians can develop a presentation style, market their act and contact agents. It contains interviews with 16 famous stand-up comics including: Jeff Foxworthy, Drew Carey, Carrot Top and others.
How to Be the Best Third Wheel
by Loridee De VillaIt’s the last year of highschool, and everything has changed . . .After a summer spent in the Philippines with her family, Lara Dela Cruz is eager to start her senior year and, most importantly, reunite with her three besties, Carol, Jasmine, and Kiera. Of course summer is the season of change, and Lara knew she’d have to get caught up on the major updates, hot gossip, and other shenanigans she may have missed. But what she did not expect was to show up on the first day of school to all three of her friends now in relationships.The mushy public displays of affection and lunches spent gushing about their new “boyfries” has Lara quickly realizing her last year of high school is nothing like she imagined.Since she’s been back, Lara’s long time frenemy, James, has become impossibly annoying. Sure, they are now both third wheels, but why is he asking her to tutor him in classes? And why, after they start spending more time together, does she begin to notice how cute he looks when he smiles . . . uh oh.Fighting for the attention of her best friends, catching some pretty new and confusing feelings for James, and wading through the pressures post-high-school plans all have Lara reeling. And to make matters worse, Lara’s beautiful and untrustworthy cousin conveniently appears and wiggles her way right between her and James’ budding relationship. Feeling like a third wheel in more ways than one, Lara must learn to accept that change is inevitable, love is complicated, and being the odd one out is sometimes where inner power is found.
How to Be the Funniest Kid in the Whole Wide World (Or Just in Your Class)
by Jay LenoIf you want to be funny, this book is for you! This big book of humor and wisecracks contains hundreds of original jokes and bits of advice from Jay Leno, host of The Tonight Show with Jay Leno. Chock-full of knock-knock jokes, hilarious puns ("Is it true that if it takes a corner too fast, a Mercedes-Benz?"), and Jay's tips for making a career in comedy (he got his start at a MacDonald's employee talent show), this totally new joke book for the twenty-first century is an essential starting point for anybody looking to find their funny bone.
How to Be the Perfect Grandpa
by Bryna PastonThe Ultimate Rules for Grandpa Success Being a grandfather is a very important role. There are children to bribe, forts to build, tea parties to attend, and tutus to be worn if you want to achieve your full grandfatherly potential. This book is here to prepare you for those touching moments when your grandchildren ask you for advice, don't ask you for advice, or can't remember your name. Here you'll learn when to inspire, enlighten, or perhaps just zip up that lip. Heed the advice of grandfathers who have come before you. No matter what your approach is, you are sure to enjoy being a grandfather (if you promise to listen to Grandma).
How to Beat Up Anybody: An Instructional and Inspirational Karate Book by the World Champion
by Judah Friedlander“World Champion” Judah Friedlandertells you How to Beat Up Anybody in this insanely hilarious satirical martial arts guide. Better known as an award-winning stand-up comic, actor, and star of 30 Rock, Friedlander shares his adventures in butt-kicking with lucky readers in a self-defense handbook in the gut-busting vein of The Truth About Chuck Norris.
How to Beat the System
by Denison Andrews"Contrary to popular belief, you can beat the system." So says Lionel Goldfish, once hailed as "the Simenon of Success; the Asimov of Achievement," the octogenarian narrator of this extraordinarily funny novel by Denison Andrews. Disturbed by current trends in American society, Lionel Goldfish has come out of retirement to write his fiftieth and final success book. He has chosen the old formula of the success biography, the story of a shoeshine boy who made good. But all resemblance to Horatio Alger quickly disappears when we discover that the shoeshine boy, Rene Benet, is thirty-seven years old and one of the least honorable characters in recent fiction. Surprisingly, his story, told over many shines, causes Goldfish to repent his lifetime's labor. The story of Rene Benet, the man who beat the system, opens with one dazzling day in 1969 when our hero, driven by chronic lechery and a pathological aversion to work, loses career, marriage, and all pretense of respectability and goes off with a voluptuous hitchiker to a rock concert in Woodstock, New York. So begins a series of outrageous adventures where the monstrous world he comes to inhabit is filled with so many seedy, scheming characters that even he becomes a Pinocchio-like innocent in contrast. Our hero finally finds himself inside The System itself where he comes face to face, and duels with, its Boss. His spectacular escape gives the aged narrator, Lionel Goldfish, and all his readers the answer: how to beat the system. Denison Andrews takes on marriage, divorce, academia, the counter-culture, the rich, the poor, the middle class, Harvard, Santa Claus, drugs, the "ethical" drug industry, feminists, and anti-feminists with ripping humor. Above all, HOW TO BEAT THE SYSTEM lambastes our basic values of hard work and success. From the Silent Generation of Rene Benet to the adolescent cultural revolution of the late sixties, the author has a great deal to say about values, about ideals gained and ideals lost, and about what has happened to the "greening of America."
How to Become a Federal Criminal: An Illustrated Handbook for the Aspiring Offender
by Mike Chase“Somebody with credentials has combed through a mountain of boring literature, highlighted all the ticklish parts and served them up for appreciation. This is an excellent book for people who like to start sentences with ‘Did you know that…’” —The New York Times A hilarious, entertaining, and illuminating compendium of the most bizarre ways you might become a federal criminal in America—from mailing a mongoose to selling Swiss cheese without enough holes—written and illustrated by the creator of the wildly popular @CrimeADay Twitter account. Have you ever clogged a toilet in a national forest? That could get you six months in federal prison. Written a letter to a pirate? You might be looking at three years in the slammer. Leaving the country with too many nickels, drinking a beer on a bicycle in a national park, or importing a pregnant polar bear are all very real crimes, and this riotously funny, ridiculously entertaining, and fully illustrated book shows how just about anyone can become—or may already be—a federal criminal. Whether you’re a criminal defense lawyer or just a self-taught expert in outrageous offenses, How to Become a Federal Criminal is your wonderfully weird window into a criminally overlooked sector of American government.
How to Become the Dark Lord and Die Trying
by Django WexlerA hilarious fantasy adventure in which a young woman, who is stuck in a time loop, decides the best way to defend the kingdom from the Dark Lord is to become the Dark Lord herself. Davi has done this all before. She's tried to be the hero and take down the all-powerful Dark Lord. A hundred times she's rallied humanity and made the final charge. But the time loop always gets her in the end. Sometimes she's killed quickly. Sometimes it takes a while. But she's been defeated every time.This time? She's done being the hero and done being stuck in this endless time loop. If the Dark Lord always wins, then maybe that's who she needs to be. It's Davi's turn to play on the winning side.'A darkly comic delight of a novel' Anthony Ryan'Twisty, pacey and full of reverent irreverence for fantasy. I can't get enough' Max Gladstone'A brash swords-and-satire romp that draws you into its rollicking adventure even as it pokes fun at the whole genre. Gamers in particular will appreciate the irreverent upending of classic roleplaying tropes' James L. SutterTakes the old saying 'If you can't beat 'em, join 'em,' to the next level. A sarcastic, action-packed, intrigue-filled (mis)adventure. One of the funniest books I've read in a long time' Matt Dinniman'Lord of the Rings crossed with Groundhog Day, narrated by a gender-flipped Deadpool' Mike Brooks
How to Become the Dark Lord and Die Trying (Dark Lord Davi #1)
by Django WexlerGroundhog Day meets Deadpool in Django Wexler&’s no-holds-barred, laugh-out-loud fantasy tale about a young woman who, tired of defending humanity from the Dark Lord, decides to become the Dark Lord herself."Takes the old saying 'If you can't beat 'em, join 'em,' to the next level. A sarcastic, action-packed, intrigue-filled (mis)adventure. One of the funniest books I've read in a long time."--Matt Dinniman, author of Dungeon Crawler Carl Davi has done this all before. She&’s tried to be the hero and take down the all-powerful Dark Lord. A hundred times she&’s rallied humanity and made the final charge. But the time loop always gets her in the end. Sometimes she&’s killed quickly. Sometimes it takes a while. But she&’s been defeated every time. This time? She&’s done being the hero and done being stuck in this endless time loop. If the Dark Lord always wins, then maybe that&’s who she needs to be. It&’s Davi&’s turn to play on the winning side.Burningblade & SilvereyeAshes of the Sun Blood of the Chosen Emperor of Ruin
How to Break a Heart
by Kiera StewartThis time, even ice cream won't help. Nick Wainwright is definitely the love of thirteen-year-old Mabry Collins's life, and when he dumps her in the most mortifying way possible, her heart is shattered. So, maybe they'd never kissed, but they had shared something special. They'd shared LOVE. True love. She's sure of it. And Mabry would know. She's watched countless episodes of her favorite telenovela with her best friend, Sirina, and the characters have taught her everything about romance. But when Sirina's usual methods for comforting Mabry fail, she has an idea: it's time for Mabry to break a heart of her own. And who better than Thad Bell to teach Mabry how to do it? He was the source of her very first heartbreak, and he seems to have his own reasons for wanting to see Nick suffer. Mabry decides to give it a shot, but she's pretty sure Thad's advice will lead to disaster. After all, his sole passion is a burrito with extra hot sauce. Anyone with any sense knows that true love doesn't come in a foil wrapper! But if Thad can help her win back???um, that is, break???Nick's heart, then it might just be worth it.