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How to Build a Girl: A Novel
by Caitlin MoranWhat do you do in your teenage years when you realize what your parents taught you wasn't enough? You must go out and find books and poetry and pop songs and bad heroes--and build yourself.It's 1990. Johanna Morrigan, fourteen, has shamed herself so badly on local TV that she decides that there's no point in being Johanna anymore and reinvents herself as Dolly Wilde--fast-talking, hard-drinking gothic hero and full-time Lady Sex Adventurer. She will save her poverty-stricken Bohemian family by becoming a writer--like Jo in Little Women, or the Brontës--but without the dying-young bit.By sixteen, she's smoking cigarettes, getting drunk, and working for a music paper. She's writing pornographic letters to rock stars, having all the kinds of sex with all the kinds of men, and eviscerating bands in reviews of 600 words or less.But what happens when Johanna realizes she's built Dolly with a fatal flaw? Is a box full of records, a wall full of posters, and a head full of paperbacks enough to build a girl after all?Imagine The Bell Jar--written by Rizzo from Grease. How to Build a Girl is a funny, poignant, and heartbreakingly evocative story of self-discovery and invention, as only Caitlin Moran could tell it.
How to Build an Abominable Snowman (Max and Molly's Guide to Trouble #3)
by Dominic BarkerIn this Guide to Trouble, Max and Molly will show you, clever reader:1. How to get snowed in with only EMERGENCY BEANS for tea.2. How to snowplough the street so Mum can buy PIZZA instead.3. How to accidentally-also-at-the-same-time build a real-life ABOMINABLE SNOWMAN!
How to Care for Your T-Rex
by Ken BakerFind out how to babysit a dinosaur in How to Care for Your T-Rex, a very funny read-aloud picture book from writer Ken Baker and illustrator Dave Coverly. There are a few important things to know about your pet T-Rex:What does it like to eat? Your T-Rex will eat approximately 300 pounds of food each day. Where will it have space to exercise? Your T-Rex can cover fifteen feet in a single step. How do you brush its many teeth? Especially when those teeth are nine inches long.And, most of all, how do you show your T-Rex that you love it? Get ready for a day full of giant adventures in dinosaur care!Christy Ottaviano Books
How to Catch Graphic Novels: How to Catch the Easter Bunny (How to Catch Graphic Novels)
by Alice WalsteadFrom the creators of the New York Times and USA Today bestselling How to Catch series comes a new exhilarating graphic novel adventure!Pup has boundless energy and endless optimism; Dragon is cool and thoughtful but always up for adventure...together, they are best friends who are always there for one another. In their bounciest adventure, Pup and Dragon are trying to catch the Easter Bunny!Bursting with colorful art and hilarious text, Pup and Dragon: How to Catch the Easter Bunny is sure to appeal to How to Catch lovers and new young readers alike.More Pup and Dragon Adventures:Pup and Dragon: How to Catch an ElfPup and Dragon: How to Catch a DinosaurPup and Dragon: How to Catch a Unicorn
How to Catch Santa (How To Series)
by Lee Wildish Jean ReaganFrom the creators of the New York Times bestsellers How to Babysit a Grandpa and How to Babysit a Grandma comes an equally charming and hilarious holiday offering! After waiting for days and days and days, it's finally Christmas Eve. And that's when you can try to catch Santa. . . . From Jean Reagan and Lee Wildish, creators of the bestselling HOW TO... series, comes a delightful new offering, written again in a hilarious instructional style. Two sibling narrators give clever tips for "catching" Santa (be crafty! be clever! be gentle!) on Christmas Eve. Filled with humor and holiday warmth, this is a jolly read-aloud for the whole family to enjoy!From the Hardcover edition.
How to Catch Santa: Read & Listen Edition (How To Series)
by Jean ReaganFrom the creators of the New York Times bestsellers How to Babysit a Grandpa and How to Babysit a Grandma comes an equally charming and hilarious holiday offering! After waiting for days and days and days, it&’s finally Christmas Eve. And that&’swhen you can try to catch Santa. . . . From Jean Reagan and Lee Wildish comes a delightful new offering, written again in a hilarious instructional style. Two sibling narrators give clever tips for &“catching&” Santa (be crafty! be clever! be gentle!) on Christmas Eve. Filled with humor and holiday warmth, this is a jolly read-aloud for the whole family to enjoy.This Read & Listen edition contains audio narration.
How to Catch a Criminal (Max and Molly's Guide to Trouble #1)
by Dominic BarkerIn this Guide to Trouble, Max and Molly will show you, clever reader:1. How to kick a ball into Mrs Quibble's garden. AGAIN.2. How to (politely) arrest Mrs Quibble for STEALING THE BALL.3. How to accidentally also-at-the-same-time catch a REAL-LIFE CRIMINAL!Don't miss the other forthcoming titles in the series:HOW TO BE A GENIUSHOW TO BUILD AN ABOMINABLE SNOWMANHOW TO STOP A VIKING INVASIONMax and Molly's Guide to Trouble: How To Catch A Criminal by Dominic Barker and Hannah Shaw has been selected for the Read by Yourself category of Richard and Judy's Children's Book Club 2011.
How to Catch a Polar Bear (Washington Park Stories)
by Stacy DeKeyserIn this &“funny and heartwarming&” (Booklist) historical fiction companion to The Rhino in Right Field, Nick&’s summer gets way more exciting when a polar bear escapes from the local zoo—perfect for fans of Stuart Gibbs and The One and Only Ivan.It&’s 1948, and twelve-year-old Nick is ready for the best summer ever. He&’s going to hang out with his best pal, Ace, and maybe with Penny too—she is a girl, but she has a great throwing arm. Then things get wild when a polar bear escapes from Milwaukee&’s city zoo and appears right on his block. They&’re all going to have to keep their eyes open now. But Nick&’s grand plans start to crumble when Ace gets a paper route and Penny decides to share it with him. Now they&’re never around. Nick himself is working at his Uncle Spiro&’s frozen custard shop, but at least he gets free all-you-can-eat dessert. When Uncle Spiro opens a custard stand at the zoo, Nick volunteers to help—if that polar bear escapes again, he&’ll have a front row seat! But their competitor, Happy Harold, opens a stand of his own right outside the zoo. Now Nick is scrambling to keep their customers, especially because Happy keeps playing dirty tricks. When Penny discovers that someone may have let the polar bear out on purpose, Nick suspects that Happy might be involved. With mysteries to solve and a whole zoo-full of monkey business, it looks like Nick&’s summer won&’t be so boring after all!
How to Catch a Queen: Runaway Royals (Runaway Royals #1)
by Alyssa ColeAn arranged marriage leads to unexpected desire, in the first book of Alyssa Cole’sRunaway Royals series…When Shanti Mohapi weds the king of Njaza, her dream of becoming a queen finally comes true. But it’s nothing like she imagined. Shanti and her husband may share an immediate and powerful attraction, but her subjects see her as an outsider, and everything she was taught about being the perfect wife goes disastrously wrong.A king must rule with an iron fist, and newly crowned King Sanyu was born perfectly fitted for the gauntlet, even if he wishes he weren’t. He agrees to take a wife as is required of him, though he doesn’t expect to actually fall in love. Even more vexing? His beguiling new queen seems to have the answers to his country’s problems—except no one will listen to her.By day, they lead separate lives. By night, she wears the crown, and he bows to her demands in matters of politics and passion. When turmoil erupts in their kingdom and their marriage, Shanti goes on the run, and Sanyu must learn whether he has what it takes both to lead his people and to catch his queen.
How to Change a Life
by Stacey BallisA dare between friends leads to startling revelations and simmering tensions in the latest novel from the author of Wedding Girl.Eloise is happy with her life as a successful private chef. She has her clients, her corgi, and a recipe for the world’s most perfect chocolate cream pie. What more could she need? But when her long-lost trio of high school friends reunites, Eloise realizes how lonely she really is. Eloise, Lynne, and Teresa revamp their senior-class assignment and dare one another to create a list of things to accomplish by the time they each turn forty in a few months. Control freak Lynne has to get a dog, Teresa has to spice up her marriage, and Eloise has to start dating again. Enter Shawn, a hunky ex-athlete and the first man Eloise could see herself falling for. Suddenly forty doesn’t seem so lonely—until a chance encounter threatens the budding romance and reveals the true colors of her friends. Will the bucket listers make it to forty still speaking to one another? Or do some friendships come with an expiration date?Readers Guide and Recipes Included
How to Charm a Nerd: A Romantic Comedy (WiCKed Sisters #2)
by Katherine GarberaShe&’s kind of a witch. He&’s definitely a nerd. And this Halloween they&’re letting their geek flags fly in this playful romantic comedy from USA TODAY bestselling author Katherine Garbera.Dungeons and dragons and nerds, oh my…The spooky season is almost here, and occultist and tarot reader Liberty Wakefield is already feelin&’ it. But ever since her sick nan muttered the name of Liberty&’s mysterious biological father, nothing feels normal. Not her friends, her family, nor the quirky shop she runs with her besties. So maybe it&’s time for Liberty to track down the father she&’s never met. Of course, that means getting a little help from the sexy nerd she&’s been not-so-secretly vibing since last summer…Merle Rutland hasn&’t met anyone like the vivacious, bubbly Liberty. Part of him wishes he was more like her—instead of hiding his geekery from his hyper-athletic family. The other part just wants to pull the curvy redhead close, steal a kiss and hope he doesn&’t roll a critical fail.Only, somewhere between Dungeons & Dragons campaigns, pumpkins and a few ridiculously hot sexy-times, Liberty and Merle discover their respective weirds might be a match. Yet as Halloween draws closer, it seems everyone has skeletons in the closet…and nothing spells disaster quite like being haunted by the past…
How to Chat-up Babes
by Stewart FerrisDesigned to boost your confidence with the opposite sex, this book contains tips and advice to help chat-up women.
How to Chat-up Babes
by Stewart FerrisDesigned to boost your confidence with the opposite sex, this book contains tips and advice to help chat-up women.
How to Cheat a Dragon's Curse (The Heroic Misadventures of Hiccup Horrendous Haddock III #4)
by Cressida CowellIn his 4th sidesplitting adventure, Hiccup Horrendous Haddock III must rescue his best friend, Fishlegs, from the deadly disease Vorpentitis. The only cure is rare and almost impossible to find...a potato. But where will Hiccup find such a thing? He'll have to dodge the terrible Sharkworms, battle Doomfangs, and outwit crazy Hooligans if he's going to be a Hero...again. A fast paced plot, slapstick humor, witty dialogue and imaginative black and white illustrations enhance this exciting tale.
How to Cheer Up Dad
by Fred KoehlerA hilarious book about parent and child relationships for fans of Ian Falconer and Jon Agee--a perfect gift idea for Father's Day and beyond!Little Jumbo just can't understand why his dad is having such a bad day. It couldn't be the raisins Little Jumbo spit out at the ceiling or the bath he refused to take--after all, Little Jumbo's dad knew he hated raisins and had already taken a bath that week! Luckily, Little Jumbo is such a thoughtful elephant that he decides to turn his dad's bad day around with some of his--ahem, his dad's--favorite things.How to Cheer up Dad is a standout debut featuring a charmingly oblivious little elephant with serious pluck and staying power. It turns the parent-child roles upside down is a great book for dads and the kids who make them laugh.
How to Clean Your Room in 10 Easy Steps
by Jennifer Larue Huget Edward KorenGot a messy room? No problem!This simple, laugh-out-loud picture-book guide to cleaning your room is sure to make picking up a snap. Here is the first rule: Always wait until your mother hollers, "GET UP THERE AND CLEAN YOUR ROOM--NOW!" using all three of your names. Once she does, you'd better get moving. From dumping out drawers and dividing stuff into piles to arranging all eight zillion of your stuffed animals, here's the kind of advice on room tidying that everyone can relate to.With funny, direct text by Jennifer LaRue Huget and amazing illustrations by New Yorker artist Edward Koren, this book is sure to appeal to messy kids everywhere.From the Hardcover edition.
How to Climb Everest (Little Ways to Live a Big Life #2)
by Kami Rita SherpaWhat does it take to climb the world's highest mountain? This delightful short book reveals everything you need to know about climbing Mount Everest - and who better to tell you than Kami Rita Sherpa, a Nepali guide who holds the record for most ascents to the summit of this extraordinary mountain. In May 2019 he scaled the mountain for the 24th time. From practical considerations to mental preparation, Kami Rita Sherpa leans on years of experience to disclose his secrets. He tells you what to pack, how to train, how to embrace pressure, how to persevere when exhaustion threatens to take over you, how to deal with panic, how to know when to stop and how to cope with defeat. Drawing on observations he's made from watching people fall apart, he delves into the human psyche to reveal what it takes to climb Earth's highest mountain.Along the way, he offers moments of spiritual wisdom, and explains why sherpas always pay homage to the mountain deity through the Purja ceremony. You will find out how to listen to what the mountains are saying, and how to appreciate the silence in this age of noise.
How to Cuss in Western: And Other Missives from the High Desert
by Michael P. BranchWhere nature writing meets humor--a racuous and hilarious look at life in the high desert of Nevada, from the author of Raising Wild and Rants from the Hill.Edward Abbey encouraged his readers to “be loyal to what you love, be true to the Earth, and fight your enemies with passion and laughter.” Here is Michael Branch’s response. Full of clear-eyed explorations of the natural world, witty cultural observations, and heart-warming family connections, How to Cuss in Western is a cranky and hilarious love letter of sorts to the western Great Basin Desert of Nevada.
How to Dance: A Novel
by Jason B. DuttonOpposites attract and sparks fly as a passionate dancer and a ladies&’ man who's given up on love fall for each other—one tango at a time—in this charming debut romance perfect for fans of Talia Hibbert and Blair Fell.Nick Freeman works hard as the star of the weekly karaoke night at his bar, hoping his singing talent, quick wit, and winning smile will distract from his cerebral palsy. But one night at the bar, watching a professional dancer light up the dance floor with her boyfriend, he realizes that entertaining strangers will never give him a fraction of the joy he sees in this woman&’s eyes.When Hayley Burke notices Nick&’s reaction to her dancing, she urges him to acknowledge his passion and try a few moves himself—only to be mortified when she realizes Nick can only walk with the aid of a metal walker.As Nick and Hayley fumble through misunderstanding into friendship, Hayley begins to enjoy Nick&’s company more than that of her self-centered boyfriend. Nick tries to fight his attraction to Hayley, believing she deserves a dance partner who can move like her boyfriend does—but as Hayley and Nick continue to find their rhythm together, she shows him that &“dancing&” is about so much more than moving your feet. In this fresh-voiced and utterly charming debut novel, Jason B. Dutton takes readers on a swoon-filled journey as two lost souls learn that neither physical disability nor emotional scars disqualify us from finding beauty, validation, and love amidst the chaos of being human.
How to Date Men When You Hate Men
by Blythe RobersonFrom New Yorker and Onion writer and comedian Blythe Roberson, How to Date Men When You Hate Men is a comedy philosophy book aimed at interrogating what it means to date men within the trappings of modern society. Blythe Roberson’s sharp observational humor is met by her open-hearted willingness to revel in the ugliest warts and shimmering highs of choosing to live our lives amongst other humans. She collects her crushes like ill cared-for pets, skewers her own suspect decisions, and assures readers that any date you can mess up, she can top tenfold. And really, was that date even a date in the first place?With sections like Real Interviews With Men About Whether Or Not It Was A Date; Good Flirts That Work; Bad Flirts That Do Not Work; and Definitive Proof That Tom Hanks Is The Villain Of You’ve Got Mail, How to Date Men When You Hate Men is a one stop shop for dating advice when you love men but don't like them."With biting wit, Roberson explores the dynamics of heterosexual dating in the age of #MeToo"— The New York Times
How to Date Your Dragon (Mystic Bayou #1)
by Molly HarperThe first book in Molly Harper's uproariously funny, sinfully sexy new Mystic Bayou series!Anthropologist Jillian Ramsay's career has taken a turn south.Concerned that technology is about to chase mythological creatures out into the open (how long can Sasquatch stay hidden from Google maps?), the League for Interspecies Cooperation is sending Jillian to Louisiana on a fact-finding mission. While the League hopes to hold on to secrecy for a little bit longer, they're preparing for the worst in terms of human reactions. They need a plan, so they look to Mystic Bayou, a tiny town hidden in the swamp where humans and supernatural residents have been living in harmony for generations. Mermaids and gator shifters swim in the bayou. Spirit bottles light the front porches after twilight. Dragons light the fires under crayfish pots.Jillian's first assignment for the League could be her last. Mystic Bayou is wary of outsiders, and she has difficulty getting locals to talk to her. And she can't get the gruff town sheriff, Bael Boone, off of her back or out of her mind. Bael is the finest male specimen she's seen in a long time, even though he might not be human. Soon their flirtation is hotter than a dragon's breath, which Bael just might turn out to be...This book is based on the Audible Original audiobook.
How to Defeat Your Own Clone: And Other Tips for Surviving the Biotech Revolution
by Kyle Kurpinski Terry D. JohnsonSend in the clones! On second thought, maybe not. CAN IT READ MY MIND? WILL IT BE EVIL? HOW DO I STOP IT? Find out the answers to these and other burning questions in this funny, informative, and ingenious book from two bioengineering experts who show you how to survive—and thrive—in a new age of truly weird science. For decades, science fiction has been alerting us to the wonders and perils of our biotech future—from the prospects of gene therapy to the pitfalls of biological warfare. Now that future looms before us. Don’t panic! This book is all you need to prepare for the new world that awaits us, providing indispensable cautionary advice on topics such as • bioenhancements: They’re not just for cyborgs anymore. • DNA sequencing and fingerprinting: What’s scarier than the government having your DNA on file? Try having it posted on the Internet. • human cloning: Just like you, only stronger, smarter, and more attractive. In other words: more dangerous. Our future may be populated by designer babies, genetically enhanced supersoldiers, and one (or more!) of your genetic duplicates, but all is not lost. How to Defeat Your Own Clone is the ultimate survival guide to what lies ahead. Just remember the first rule of engagement: Don’t ever let your clone read this book!
How to Defeat a Demon King in Ten Easy Steps
by Andrew RoweThe LitRPG bestseller releasing in a stunning new deluxe hardcover edition, now with a new Afterword. &“How to Defeat a Demon King in Ten Easy Steps is an endlessly inventive and entertaining love letter to all of us underdogs who spent countless hours with a game controller in hand, daydreaming about how we would save the realm.&” —Matt Dinniman, New York Times bestselling author of the Dungeon Crawler Carl seriesFor thousands of years, there has been a cycle: a Demon King rises and conquers, and a Hero is reborn a hundred years later to defeat him. Each time, civilizations are ground to dust beneath the Demon King&’s hordes, but humanity has remained secure in the belief that a Hero of legend will always save them. There&’s just one slight problem. It&’s only been twenty-three years since the Demon King&’s latest rise, and this time, he&’s already conquered more than half the world. If humanity simply waits for the Hero&’s return, there may be no world left for him to save. And so, Yui Shaw sets out with an ambitious plan. A ten-step plan. She&’ll find a way to obtain the Hero&’s legendary sword. She&’ll earn obscure classes, gain levels, and increase her skills. She&’ll travel to the meticulously-crafted dungeons that seem designed for one specific Hero to complete. And, if she&’s truly (un)fortunate, she might even find a fairy.
How to Die of Embarrassment Every Day: A True Story
by Ann HodgmanHumorous and humiliating memories of an awkward childhood, sprinkled with hilarious family photographs and other memorabilia, from the author of The House of a Million Pets. Ann Hodgman is a funny lady. In How to Die of Embarrassment Every Day, she explains how she got that way. But the book only goes up through sixth grade. After that, her life became so embarrassing that writing it down would have caused the pages to burst into flames.
How to Do a Science Experiment (Step into Reading)
by Jean ReaganScience is a blast, when you work together with Grandma! Follow the volcano fun in this silly Step 2 early reader story from the New York Times bestselling creators of How to Babysit a Grandpa.Once you've learned how to make a volacano at home, it's time to teach Grandma what to do! But what happens when you don't remember the right ingredients? Work together with Grandma to create the best at-home volacno ever, with a few tips and tricks from the experts -- kids! This Step into Reading story features a sweet Grandma and grandchild relationship and all the silly, sticky moments that come with creating an at-home experiment. Perfect for children who are ready to read on their own! Step 2 readers use basic vocabulary and short sentences to tell simple stories. They are perfect for children who recognize familiar words and can sound out new words with help.