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How to Fight a Bear . . . and Win: & 72 Other Real Survival Tips We Hope You'll Never Need (Uncle John's Bathroom Reader)
by Bathroom Readers' InstituteA humorous guide to surviving in the wilderness, that also might make you want to avoid the wilderness forever.For more than twenty-five years, Uncle John&’s Bathroom Reader has helped you learn amazing things you didn&’t know. Now, Uncle John will show you how to do things you didn&’t know how to do . . . and probably should never, never, never actually do, unless you&’re in a survival situation and really, really, really need to do. It&’s How to Fight a Bear . . . and Win. A new approach to survival guides and how-to books, this book provides step-by-step instructions for how to make do in any rugged terrain. But if you&’re expecting &“how to start a fire,&” think again. This isn&’t the kind of book that will tell you how to make a fire by rubbing two sticks together—it will tell you how to make a fire using a car battery. It will also tell you:· How to swing from a vine like Tarzan· How to land an airplane in an emergency· How to fight a bear . . . and win· How to perform emergency surgery in the woods· How to identify what insects you can—and cannot—eat And lots, lots more
How to Find a Princess: Runaway Royals (Runaway Royals #2)
by Alyssa ColeNew York Times and USA Today bestselling author Alyssa Cole’s second Runaway Royals novel is a queer Anastasia retelling, featuring a long-lost princess who finds love with the female investigator tasked with tracking her down.Makeda Hicks has lost her job and her girlfriend in one fell swoop. The last thing she’s in the mood for is to rehash the story of her grandmother’s infamous summer fling with a runaway prince from Ibarania, or the investigator from the World Federation of Monarchies tasked with searching for Ibarania’s missing heir.Yet when Beznaria Chetchevaliere crashes into her life, the sleek and sexy investigator exudes exactly the kind of chaos that organized and efficient Makeda finds irresistible, even if Bez is determined to drag her into a world of royal duty Makeda wants nothing to do with.When a threat to her grandmother’s livelihood pushes Makeda to agree to return to Ibarania, Bez takes her on a transatlantic adventure with a crew of lovable weirdos, a fake marriage, and one-bed hijinks on the high seas. When they finally make it to Ibarania, they realize there’s more at stake than just cash and crown, and Makeda must learn what it means to fight for what she desires and not what she feels bound to by duty.
How to Find the Tooth Fairy (Step into Reading)
by Jean ReaganWhen you're sleeping over at Grandpa's house, will the tooth fairy know where to find you? From the New York Times bestselling creators of How to Babysit a Grandpa comes a sweet Step 2 early reader story full of tooth fairy fun!Losing a tooth is exciting! It's time for the tooth fairy to come at night and leave you a special prize for your tooth. But what happens when you're staying over at Grandpa's house? How will the tooth fairy know where you are? Learn how to find the tooth fairy with a few tips and tricks from the experts -- kids! This Step into Reading story features a sweet Grandpa and grandchild relationship and all the wonderful moments that come with losing a tooth. Perfect for children who are ready to read on their own! Step 2 readers use basic vocabulary and short sentences to tell simple stories. They are perfect for children who recognize familiar words and can sound out new words with help.
How to Fix Everything in America Forever: The Plan to Keep America Awesome
by Frank J. FlemingThe United States of America is the greatest country on earth. That's not good enough. Frank J. Fleming, author of the satire Obama: The Greatest President in the History of Everything and a leading authority on America's awesomeness, strikes back against the doom and gloom about America's future with a plan to ensure the United States's greatness for years to come. Fleming's solution aren't the usual small-minded ideas you hear from politicians and pundits, but the bold, unique ideas that the greatest country on earth deserves—ideas that will solve all of America's problems, forever! Fleming offers simple, common sense ideas to make sure our best years are ahead of us, such as:Simplify Supreme Court casesOutlaw whiningConsolidate and reduce the number of countries worldwideConquer and dominate the environmentEnd border disputes by making sure no other country touches usLaunch a nuclear strike against the moon for world peaceThese aren't solutions you'll find anywhere else. They're the outside the box thinking that America needs. Fleming hopes to make the United States so much more than a shining city on a hill: With How to Fix Everything in America Forever, Fleming helps us see the path towards making the US a blazing inferno on a mountaintop that will fill the world with fear and awe for generations to come.
How to Get Divorced by 30
by Sascha RothchildRead Sascha Rothchild's posts on the Penguin Blog. A hilarious memoir about the ending of a marriage that should have lasted forever-or at least for five years. It's an age-old story. Girl meets boy. Girl marries boy. Girl decides she is way too young to be stuck in nuptial mediocrity. When Sascha realized that the one person she didn't want at her thirtieth birthday party was her husband, she knew that it was time for the relationship to end. So, like the hordes of others of her generation for whom starter marriages are as common as Louis Vuitton knock-offs and $5 Starbucks lattes, they got divorced. With wit, moxie, and honesty, Sascha spills about the horrible ex-boyfriends, awkward dates, drugs, a near-death experience, and memories of growing up in an unconventional household that led to her short- lived marriage. A story of love, loss, a flat-screen TV named Ruby, and plenty of misguided decisions, How to Get Divorced by 30 is a hysterical look at what exactly "Til death do us part" means today. Watch a Video .
How to Get Suspended and Influence People
by Adam SelzerIt all starts with an assignment. Leon's "gifted and talented" class has to make educational videos for the sixth and seventh graders. Leon originally chooses "sex ed" as his subject in the hopes of showing a flash of boob. But as time goes on, his project starts to mean something. He wants to tell the younger kids that puberty is tough, but what they're going through is normal. After researching the avant-garde movement, Leon crafts his video in the style of Fellini:La Dolce Pubert. It's deeply disturbing yet comforting. But when the gifted program's director sees it, she suspends Leon—and he finds himself at the center of a townwide debate over censorship. Who gets to decide how far is too far? From the Hardcover edition.
How to Get Your Teacher Ready (How To Series)
by Jean ReaganLearn how to get your teacher ready for back to school…from the first dayl to graduation! The kids are in charge in this hilarious classroom adventure--from the creators of the New York Times bestseller How to Babysit a Grandpa. This humorous new book in the beloved HOW TO . . . series takes readers through a fun and busy school year. Written in tongue-in-cheek instructional style, a class of adorable students gives tips and tricks for getting a teacher ready—for the first day of school, and all the events and milestones that will follow (picture day, holiday concert, the 100th day of school, field day!). And along the way, children will see that getting their teacher ready is really getting themselves ready. Filled with charming role-reversal humor, this is a playful and heartwarming celebration of teachers and students. A fun read-a-loud to prepare for first day jitters, back-to-school readiness or end of year celebrations.. The fun doesn't stop! Check out more HOW TO... picture books: How to Babysit a Grandpa How to Babysit a Grandma How to Catch Santa How to Get Your Teacher Ready How to Raise a Mom How to Read to a Grandma or Grandpa
How to Get Your Teacher Ready for School
by Jean ReaganCelebrate the school year with the author-illustrator team behind the bestselling How to Babysit a Grandad.Follow a class of adorable students as they make sure their teacher is ready all year round. Written in a tongue-in-cheek instructional style, this book is a playful and heartwarming celebration of teachers and school, and an empowering book to help calm back-to-school nerves!Praise for How to Babysit a Grandad: 'Youngsters will thoroughly enjoy the tongue-in-cheek role reversal.' - School Library Journal Illustrated by the winner of the Red House Children's Book Award and a New York Times bestselling artist.The fun doesn't stop! Check out more How To... picture books: How to Babysit a Grandad, How to Babysit a Grandma, How to Surprise a Dad, How to Catch Santa, How to Raise a Mum and How to Scare a Ghost.
How to Get a (Love) Life: A Laugh Out Loud Romantic Comedy
by Rosie BlakeNicola Brown doesn't like to lose control. Her home is always meticulously tidy and her weekly meals carefully planned; Nicola keeps her life in order. When her carefree colleague Caroline challenges Nicola to find a date for Valentine's Day, it's a surprise to them both when Nicola agrees. As Nicola's search for a man begins, she is thrown in at the deep end—sometimes quite literally—of the dating scene. From men more likely to sell their mother than open their wallet, to those who are determined to find a girlfriend who shares their passion for extreme sports, Nicola has to run the full gamut of dodgy dates. But as the deadline looms closer, Nicola realizes it isn't so bad to lose control. It turns out that trying to get a love life can be rather a lot of fun.
How to Get a Job...by Me, the Boss
by Sally Lloyd-Jones Sue HeapThe know-it-all narrator from the New York Times Bestselling How to Be a Baby is back with the third book in the series. This time, she knows all about how to get a job, and she walks readers through the whole process: from deciding what you want to be all the way to acing the interview (tip: don't bring your pet gerbils). This book is sure to be a hit with kids who love to play pretend and dream about what they're going to be when they grow up.From the Hardcover edition.
How to Giggle: A Guide to Taking Life Less Seriously
by Hannah Berner Paige DeSorboAn instant New York Times bestseller, How to Giggle is &“honest, hectic, and always hilarious&” (Amy Poehler) advice on how to take life a little bit less seriously from the hosts and best friends of the Giggly Squad podcast, Hannah Berner and Paige DeSorbo.Finding joy and laughter in the mundane can be challenging at times, but Hannah Berner and Paige DeSorbo have mastered the art of not taking life too seriously. Brought together under the bright lights of reality television, these best friends quickly realized that one of the bedrocks of their friendship is their shared experience with social anxiety. As their friendship deepened, they found themselves constantly devolving into laughter, earning them the nickname &“The Giggly Squad,&” and with that, their superpower—laughing through life&’s hardest moments—was born. How to Giggle feels like you&’re at a slumber party with your besties giving you juicy advice on sex, flirting, and social media etiquette. You&’ll find interactive quizzes, and tips like finding your personal style and wellness hacks. If you&’re a longtime Giggler or are simply craving some unfiltered advice to get you through hard times, look no further than How to Giggle and the topics it covers like: -Overcoming awkward situations -Red flags in female friendships and romantic relationships -Using delusion and manifestation to achieve your goals -Decentering men from your life -And more!
How to Give Your Cat a Bath: in Five Easy Steps (How to Cat books)
by Nicola WinstanleyIn this hilarious and clever "how-to," a little girl and a know-it-all narrator are thwarted by a cat who refuses to take a bath. The perfect read-aloud for fans of Snappsy the Alligator and Interrupting Chicken.Step one: fill the bathStep two: put the cat in the bathStep three: put shampoo on the catStep four: rinse the catStep five: dry the catSeems simple, right? One problem: the cat has no intention of doing ANY of these things! Watch as the steps keep changing, the cat keeps escaping, the girl keeps eating cookies and the mess keeps escalating. Soon it's not just the cat who needs a bath--it's the whole house!This spoof on an instruction manual features an increasingly bewildered human, a nonchalant cat and a know-it-all narrator . . . who really doesn't know it all. How DO you give a cat a bath? Read on to find out!
How to Give the Wrong Impression: from Single, Carefree, Mellow (A Vintage Short)
by Katherine HeinyIn this short story from Katherine Heiny&’s Single, Carefree, Mellow, you&’ve been in love with your roommate since even before you moved in. Everyone knows it, too; but even as he&’s vetting your dates and making everyone suspect that he loves you as much as you love him, will one of you ever make a move? Or will you be pining after him forever? A Vintage Short.
How to Hack a Heartbreak: A Novel
by Kristin Rockaway&“Smart, fun, fast-paced. . . . seamlessly blends the trials of modern dating with the challenges of being a woman in a male-dominated workplace.&” —Helen Hoang, New York Times–bestselling author Swipe right for love. Swipe left for disaster. By day, Mel Strickland is an underemployed helpdesk tech at a startup incubator, Hatch, where she helps entitled brogrammers—&“Hatchlings&”—who can&’t even fix their own laptops, but are apparently the next wave of startup geniuses. And by night, she goes on bad dates with misbehaving dudes she&’s matched with on the ubiquitous dating app, Fluttr. But after one dick pic too many, Mel has had it. Using her brilliant coding skills, she designs an app of her own, one that allows users to log harassers and abusers in online dating space. It&’s called JerkAlert, and it goes viral overnight. Mel is suddenly in way over her head. Worse still, her almost-boyfriend, the dreamy Alex Hernandez—the only non-douchey guy at Hatch—has no idea she&’s the brains behind the app. Soon, Mel is faced with a terrible choice: one that could destroy her career, love life, and friendships, or change her life forever. &“Revenge is a dish best served digitally in Kristin Rockaway&’s book capturing what it&’s like to pursue ambition and love in New York City.&” —Sally Thorne, USA Today-bestselling author &“As sexy as it is topical.&” —Booklist &“Rockaway delivers a sharp and funny tale of female empowerment with a side order of romance.&” —Publishers Weekly
How to Heal the Hurt by Hating
by Anita Liberty"I wish we were back together for just one night . . .so I could push you out of my loftbed while you were sleeping."Satirical and sharp, downtown New York City performance artist Anita Liberty reinvents self-help as she skewers her ex-boyfriend in this hilarious, hip, and audaciously candid collection of advice, poems, and diary entries. "I thought you were a gifted and tortured artist. I was wrong.About the gifted part.Oh.And the artist part."From romantic bliss to brutal breakup, from heartache to healing, this fierce, funny, and ultimately liberating homage to being "dumped" rips off the stiff upper lip in favor of a red-hot therapy of wit, wisdom, rage, and redemption. And now, a few words from Anita Liberty . . ."COMPROMISE--Lowering my standards.So you can meet them.""You're a bad habit.I want to kick you.Hard."Inclues free postcards to send to that special someone!From the Trade Paperback edition.
How to Heal the Hurt by Hating
by Anita Liberty"I wish we were back together for just one night . . .so I could push you out of my loftbed while you were sleeping."Satirical and sharp, downtown New York City performance artist Anita Liberty reinvents self-help as she skewers her ex-boyfriend in this hilarious, hip, and audaciously candid collection of advice, poems, and diary entries. "I thought you were a gifted and tortured artist. I was wrong.About the gifted part.Oh.And the artist part."From romantic bliss to brutal breakup, from heartache to healing, this fierce, funny, and ultimately liberating homage to being "dumped" rips off the stiff upper lip in favor of a red-hot therapy of wit, wisdom, rage, and redemption. And now, a few words from Anita Liberty . . ."COMPROMISE--Lowering my standards.So you can meet them.""You're a bad habit.I want to kick you.Hard."Inclues free postcards to send to that special someone!From the Trade Paperback edition.
How to Help a Hungry Werewolf: A Novel (The Sanctuary for Supernatural Creatures #1)
by Charlotte SteinWhat We Do in the Shadows with the small town feels of Gilmore Girls in this swoon-worthy romance that will leave readers delightfully cozy and hungry for more.When Cassandra Camberwell returns to her hometown of Hollow Brook to clear out her late grandmother’s ramshackle old house, the last thing she expects is Seth Brubaker on her doorstep. Her former best friend was responsible for the worst moment of her high school life, and she can’t imagine he wants to do anything but torment her all over again.Until she unearths the real reason this annoyingly gorgeous beast of a man keeps hanging around: he’s an actual werewolf, who’s certain she’s the witch that will ease his suffering. But Cassie just isn’t sure if she can trust him again. So Seth offers a pact: he’ll teach her all about her undiscovered magic, and she will brew the potions he needs. No feelings, no funny business, just a witch and a werewolf striking a deal.Totally doable. Until they get hit with a do-or-die mating bond. And now the heat is rising, in between fights with formers bullies and encounters with talking raccoons. They just have to not give in. Unless giving in just might be the very thing they never knew they always wanted.
How to Hide a Lion at Christmas (How to Hide a Lion #2)
by Helen StephensA charming holiday picture book about a girl, her pet lion, and a Christmas adventure. Iris and her lion go everywhere together. But when Christmas comes and the family is going away, Mum says the lion must stay behind. After all, you can't take a lion on a train. Luckily the lion has other ideas. He sets off on a festive, snowy adventure to find Iris—and almost bumps into Santa Claus!Helen Stephens's How to Hide a Lion at Christmas will warm young readers' hearts with its colorful illustrations and funny text depicting a sweet friendship.
How to High Tea with a Hyena: A Polite Predators Book (Polite Predators #2)
by Rachel PoliquinThe second book in a hilarious illustrated non-fiction chapter book series starring a savvy and stylish cockroach who guides the reader through an encounter with a charming -- and dangerous -- predator. Is this hyena drooling for tea and crumpets . . . or for you?!Celeste is a cockroach, and everyone knows that cockroaches are survivors, so who better to give advice on surviving an encounter with a polite predator? High teas are dainty meals with pretty teacups: you nibble tiny cakes, sip milky tea and chit-chat about not-so-important things like why doughnuts have holes and if fish have eyebrows. But Ruby the hyena is loud, ferocious and tends to slober. High-speed gobbling makes good sense in the wild, but it is a definite no-no in the tearoom! And Ruby just happens to be Queen of a very large clan of hungry hyenas. Will high tea be ruined by uninvited guests? Is Ruby peckish for something other than Celeste's famous cream buns? Using her vast knowledge of hyenas, Celeste comes up with lots of strategies to get through high tea in one piece. Many of her suggestions are dangerous, most are absurd, but all are based on true hyena biology and hunting behavior.
How to Hold Animals
by Toshimitsu MatsuhashiHow to Hold Animals is the irresistible guide to holding more than forty critters according to advice from wildlife specialists. Learn from the experts—a pet shop owner, a veterinarian, a wildlife photographer, and a reptile handler—how to pick up and hold dozens of species of animals, great and small, furry, scaly, and feathery, including snails, chipmunks, chickens, chinchillas, stag beetles, lizards, hamsters, owls, grasshoppers, mice, and more. Chock full of fascinating facts, interviews with experts, and full-color photos on every page, How to Hold Animals will delight and inform animal lovers of all stripes.
How to Hold Animals: The delightful guide to caring for animals, big and small!
by Toshimitsu MatsuhashiA delightful treasure trove of tips on how to hold animals without hurting them.Should you hold a mouse by its tail? A grasshopper by its leg? A butterfly by its wing?How do you pick up a prickly hedgehog? A slithering snake? A hissing cat?Most of us don't have nearly enough experience of being around animals. We feel a bit apprehensive when it comes to touching them. Maybe we're scared we'll hurt them, or that they'll hurt us. That is a huge shame, because connecting with animals is a magical life skill that can make you feel at peace and aligned with nature.Luckily, animal photographer and former zookeeper Toshimitsu Matsuhashi is here to give you advice and show you the very best way to care for the animals in our lives, from beetles to hamsters and from chickens to dogs. Fully illustrated with fascinating information (did you know that you should go for the smaller rather than the bigger horn when you pick up a stag beetle?), How To Hold Animals leaves no stone unturned and teaches us all how to be kind to the animals around us.
How to Host a Sleepover (Step into Reading)
by Jean ReaganHaving your first sleepover can be a lot of fun! But what happens when someone gets homesick? From the New York Times bestselling creators of How to Babysit a Grandpa comes a sweet Step 2 early reader full of sleepover hijinks and good friends.It's sleepover time! You have the games, snacks, and activities all planned out. But what do you do when your friend feels homesick? It's time to get creative and help her feel better. Together, you can have the best sleepover ever. Plus, learn a few tips and tricks from the experts — kids! This Step Into Reading story features two friends having their first sleepover together, and all the highs and lows that come with it. Perfect for children who are ready to read on their own! Step 2 readers use basic vocabulary and short sentences to tell simple stories. They are perfect for children who recognize familiar words and can sound out new words with help.
How to Hug a Pufferfish
by Ellie PetersonA picture book about a group of underwater friends who learn to ask for permission before showing their prickly, pufferfish pal some love.So, you want to hug a pufferfish...Who could blame you? That friendly, gap-toothed grin is hard to resist! Only, when Pufferfish is hugged or touched unexpectedly by their friends, things can get a little…spiky.It’s not that Pufferfish doesn’t ever want hugs—it’s just that they need to have a say in when and how they’re hugged. Luckily, they have great friends who are willing to listen and learn the best ways to show Pufferfish some love and respect their personal space.With it's bright, commercial art and unique exploration of a timely topic, Ellie Peterson's How to Hug a Pufferfish provides a straightforward and humorous look at consent and body autonomy for kids.
How to Hug an Elephant (Here's Hank #6)
by Henry Winkler Lin Oliver Scott GarrettWhen Hank's class takes a field trip to the zoo, he quickly gets lost after his partner (and nemesis) ditches him. Unable to read the map, Hank wanders and finds himself locked in a habitat with Elsie, an elephant recently rescued and kept isolated. He begins a game of soccer with her, and they become fast friends. But when Hank notices how lonely Elsie is, he's determined to help her find her own animal friends.
How to Invent Everything: A Survival Guide for the Stranded Time Traveler
by Ryan North"How to Invent Everything is such a cool book. It's essential reading for anyone who needs to duplicate an industrial civilization quickly." --Randall Munroe, xkcd creator and New York Times-bestselling author of What If? The only book you need if you're going back in timeWhat would you do if a time machine hurled you thousands of years into the past. . . and then broke? How would you survive? Could you improve on humanity's original timeline? And how hard would it be to domesticate a giant wombat? With this book as your guide, you'll survive--and thrive--in any period in Earth's history. Bestselling author and time-travel enthusiast Ryan North shows you how to invent all the modern conveniences we take for granted--from first principles. This illustrated manual contains all the science, engineering, art, philosophy, facts, and figures required for even the most clueless time traveler to build a civilization from the ground up. Deeply researched, irreverent, and significantly more fun than being eaten by a saber-toothed tiger, How to Invent Everything will make you smarter, more competent, and completely prepared to become the most important and influential person ever. You're about to make history. . . better.