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How to Stay Married: The Most Insane Love Story Ever Told
by Harrison Scott KeyFrom Harrison Scott Key, winner of the Thurber Prize for American Humor, How to Stay Married tells the hilarious, shocking, and spiritually profound story of one man&’s journey through hell and back when infidelity threatens his marriage.One gorgeous autumn day, Harrison discovers that his wife—the sweet, funny, loving mother of their three daughters, a woman &“who&’s spent just about every Sunday of her life in a church&”—is having an affair with a family friend. This revelation propels the hysterical, heartbreaking action of How to Stay Married, casting our narrator onto &“the factory floor of hell,&” where his wife was now in love with a man who &“wears cargo shorts, on purpose.&” What will he do? Kick her out? Set fire to all her panties in the yard? Beat this man to death with a gardening implement? Ask God for help in winning her back? Armed with little but a sense of humor and a hunger for the truth, Harrison embarks on a hellish journey into his past, seeking answers to the riddles of faith and forgiveness. Through an absurd series of escalating confessions and betrayals, Harrison reckons with his failure to love his wife in the ways she needed most, resolves to fight for his family, and in a climax almost too ridiculous to be believed, finally learns that love is no joke. How to Stay Married is a comic romp unlike any in contemporary literature, a wild Pilgrim&’s Progress through the hellscape of marriage and the mysteries of mercy.
How to Stay Single Forever
by Jenny LombardSerious relationships are risky, time-consuming, expensive--and often end up with someone getting hurt. Who needs that? Using these 101 strategies--including talking baby talk in bed, wearing a bathing suit that has a skirt, and being brutally honest--today's independent woman can easily avoid meaningful relationships with aplomb.
How to Steal a Dragon (Villains Academy #2)
by Ryan HammondIn the second book of this illustrated middle grade series that&’s The Bad Guys meets Amelia Fang, Bram and his merry gang of almost-villains must protect a forest of dragons before someone else gets to them first.It&’s the start of the winter season and there&’s a new teacher in town at Villains Academy: the notorious dragon rider Felix Frostbite. Class Z is in awe of him and his lessons on venomous beasts and mythical creatures, but werewolf Bram is suspicious. Soon Bram and his friends the Weirdoughs uncover Felix Frostbite&’s evil plan to steal all the dragons from the Wicked Woods and leave Villains Academy undefended. Have the gang learnt enough to outsmart their troublesome teacher, or will Felix Frostbite&’s heist go down in villain history?
How to Steal a Galaxy (CHAOTIC ORBITS #2)
by Beth RevisSparks fly when Ada and Rian just-so-happen to find themselves at the same charity gala—but there&’s something rotten behind the sparkling gowns and dazzling wealth on displayThis heist turned rom-com from New York Times bestselling author Beth Revis is perfect for fans of sexy, romantic science fiction and readers of Martha Wells and Becky ChambersAda had no intention whatsoever to continue working for the rebel group that hired her to retrieve the government&’s plans for a nanobot climate cleaner if they weren&’t willing to pay her for it, but then they offer a different perk: an undercover mission to a charity gala where Rian will be in attendance. Rian, meanwhile, has volunteered his services for the gala believing that the rare items up for auction will attract Ada&’s eye. Hoping to catch her in the act and pin her with a punishable crime, Rian has no idea Ada&’s really after. In a high-stakes game of theft and deception, Ada plays to win...and Rian will do anything to stop her.How to Steal a Galaxy continues the sexy, rip-roaring good time that Beth Revis began in Full Speed to a Crash Landing, with the return of Ada, Rian, and all the tension, twists, and turns that made the first novella so much fun. "Revis makes the anticipation delicious." —Publishers Weekly
How to Steal a Scoundrel's Heart: A Novel (The Mating Habits of Scoundrels #4)
by Vivienne LorretIn USA Today bestselling author Vivienne Lorret’s latest steamy romance, a determined debutante discovers that making a deal with a notorious rake might just give her more than she ever bargained for… Ruined debutante Prudence Thorogood lost everything when she was ousted from polite society, including her inheritance. Now she’ll do anything to take back what’s hers… even if she has to steal it. Accepting a scandalous offer from Lord Savage seems like the perfect solution to disguise her criminal intentions from the ton. Until she discovers that there’s more to this scoundrel than meets the eye.Leo Ramsgate, Marquess of Savage, has everything except for a heart. That organ dried up long ago after a devastating betrayal. Since then, he vowed never to trust or love again. He ensures that his dalliances are mutually satisfying, but always temporary… until he meets the reserved Miss Thorogood. Not one of his previous lovers has ever beguiled him the way she does. Not one has made him want to break his own rules. Not one has tempted him to keep her… forever. Prue has every intention of disappearing from London after their affair ends. But her plan falters when she finds herself falling hopelessly in love with a man who may never love her in return. With time running out and so much at stake, she cannot help but wonder… How to Steal a Scoundrel’s Heart?
How to Steal the Mona Lisa
by Taylor BayouthA step-by-step guide for the craft of high stakes thievery In How to Steal the Mona Lisa, author Taylor Bayouth meticulously describes seven heists of priceless art and artifacts: the Hope Diamond, the "Mona Lisa," the Archaeopteryx Lithographica, Rodin's "Thinker," King Tut's golden death mask, the Crown Jewels, and the Codex Leicester. With this trusty guide, learn to: - Camouflage a getaway car. - Hack security systems. - Navigate air ducts. - Master the art of disguise. - Pick locks, scale buildings, and more. Illustrated throughout, this book contains all the information you need to acquire equipment, recruit partners, strategize the perfect crime, and discreetly sell off your stolen national treasures.From the Trade Paperback edition.
How to Stop Loving Someone
by Joan ConnorWinner of the 2010 Leapfrog Fiction Contest. "Excellent and lively. A sharp wit, the apt metaphor, the turn of phrase that pleases and surprises."--Marge Piercy, contest judge "Bright, brassy, spunky, intelligent. Ingenious writing. . . . Quirky and filled with metaphoric twists that often startle."--Michael Mirolla, contest judge "Smart, funny, biting, and, above all, touching. A collection to savor over and over."--Michael White, author of Beautiful Assassin Praise for Joan Connor's previous collections: "Brilliantly quirky wit and wordplay."--Syndey Lea, author of A Little Wilderness "A deeply talented writer."--Alyce Miller, author of Water "Candor, bracing wit, and skewering insight that could kill if she let it."--Rosellen Brown, author of Half a Heart Joan Connor's collection investigates love and loss, sex, family, and the ways they echo back through memory, sometimes to comfort and sometimes to bite. Some comic, some dark, the stories range from lyrical to laugh-out-loud funny. The title story is a mock self-help manual on how to fall out of love. "Men in Brown" is a rollicking account of a woman infatuated with her UPS man. "Aground" is a dark account of male lust and violence on a lonely island in Maine. Joan Connor is a professor at Ohio University and at Fairfield University's low residency MFA program. She received the AWP award for her collection History Lessons, and the River Teeth Literary Nonfiction Prize for The World Before Mirrors. Her two earlier collections are We Who Live Apart and Here on Old Route 7.
How to Stop a Viking Invasion (Max and Molly's Guide to Trouble #4)
by Dominic BarkerIn this Guide to Trouble, Max and Molly will show you, clever reader:1. How to spot a VIKING even when he is in disguise2. How to chase a VIKING even when he is riding a motorbike3. How to accidentally-also-at-the-same-time stop a REAL-LIFE VIKING INVASION!
How to Succeed in Business Without Really Crying
by Carol LeiferFor many years, television comedy was an exclusive all boys' club--until a brilliant comedian named Carol Leifer came along, blazing a trail for funny women everywhere. From Late Night with David Letterman and Saturday Night Live to Seinfeld, The Ellen Show, and Modern Family, Carol has written for and/or performed on some of the best TV comedies of all time. This hilarious collection of essays charts her extraordinary three-decade journey through show business, illuminating her many triumphs and some missteps along the way--and offering valuable lessons for women and men in any profession. Part memoir, part guide to life, and all incredibly funny, How to Succeed in Business without Really Crying offers tips and tricks for getting ahead, finding your way, and opening locked doors--even if you have to use a sledgehammer.
How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying: With a New Introduction by Stanley Bing
by Shepherd MeadFrom this classic tome, learn everything you need to know to land the corner office: · How to make money · How to make more money · How to choose the right company (one big enough so that nobody knows exactly what anyone else is doing) · How to cultivate the appearance of extreme busyness through strategic desk management · How to delegate responsibility (have plenty of assistants!) First published in 1952, this guide inspired the beloved Pulitzer Prize–winning musical, which returns to Broadway in 2011 in a production that stars Daniel Radcliffe and John Larroquette. Updated with a brilliant new introduction by the king of business satire, Stanley Bing, How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying is essential reading for the ambitious and the lazy alike.
How to Success!: A Writer's Guide to Fame & Fortune
by Corinne CaputoA clever writing self-help parody that skewers writers’ guides while offering amusing, almost-helpful advice.This parody self-help book for writers is filled with hilariously misguided tips, factual-looking charts, and other advice that knowingly pokes fun at writerly foibles while still cheering would-be authors on. With this book, struggling writers can find suggestions for effective paragraph shapes, tips on where to find inspiration (in your reflection, in the shapes of gum stuck to the ground, in a consultation with your doctor), thoughtful poses for author photos, pull-out procrastination excuses, and much more. How to Success! is filled with enough almost-helpful advice to keep aspiring writers amused, unblocked, and on their way to literary fame.“How to Success! lightens the pressure many creatives put on themselves to succeed. In effect, it acts as a mirror, showing readers how silly and elusive writing—and writers—can be. Caputo offers practical advice with a comedic twist that will have you laughing out loud.” —Failure Magazine
How to Summon a Fairy Godmother: A Laugh-Out-Loud Fairytale What-If (Fairies and Familiars #1)
by Laura J. MayoIf a fairy godmother can get one sister into a marriage, getting another out of one should be easy… Lady Theodosia Balfour has certainly gotten the short end of the stick—her stepsister, the newly crowned Princess Beatrice, is telling everyone in polite society that Theo, her sister, and their mother are evil, wicked, and horrid people who treated her like a slave. Though Theo knows this isn't exactly true, it seems her life is thoroughly ruined by the rumor. With the Balfour family estate on the verge of bankruptcy, Theo's only path forward is a forced betrothal to the Duke of Snowbell, a foul-tempered geezer who wishes only to use her as a brood mare for spare heirs. Desperate for help, Theo clings to the only thing that might save her: the rumor of a fairy godmother, one that supposedly helped her stepsister secure a prince. After discovering a way to summon a fairy in Beatrice's old room, Theo thinks her prayers have been answered. But the fairy she meets isn't at all what she imagined. Drop-dead gorgeous, incredibly cunning, and slightly devious, Cecily of the Ash Fairies is much more interested in gathering powerful favors and smoking her pipe than providing charitable magic for humans in a bind. Before she receives magical assistance, Cecily sets Theo to three tasks, seemingly to prove that Theo is a selfless and kind person. Helping her along the way are Cecily's familiars, the flirty human-turned-mockingbird Phineas and the aloof Kasra, a fox shapeshifter who should not be as handsome as he is for someone with such cutting remarks. As Theo works on her tasks, she shockingly finds kinship with the magical creatures she's helping, and starts to wonder if a continued life among her human peers is what she really wants after all. From debut author Laura J. Mayo comes a hilarious new spin on the Cinderella tale!
How to Surprise a Dad (How To Series)
by Lee Wildish Jean ReaganFrom the creators of the New York Times bestsellers HOW TO BABYSIT A GRANDPA and HOW TO BABYSIT A GRANDMA comes a charming new how-to book about surprising dear old Dad! So you want to surprise your dad? You're in luck! The pages of this book are full of tips on how to become a super dad surpriser, including tips for things you can make, do, or find--just for your dad. Be sure to read up on: · Yummy treats and presents for a dad · What to do if he starts getting suspicious · How to prepare for the big moment (where to hide everyone, and how to practice whispering "Surprise!") From the author-illustrator team behind the New York Times bestsellers How to Babysit a Grandpa and How to Babysit a Grandma comes an adorable, funny, surprising celebration of dads!From the Hardcover edition.
How to Surprise a Dad: Read & Listen Edition (How To Series)
by Jean ReaganFrom the creators of the New York Times bestsellers HOW TO BABYSIT A GRANDPA and HOW TO BABYSIT A GRANDMA comes a charming new how-to book about surprising dear old Dad! So you want to surprise your dad? You&’re in luck! The pages of this book are full of tips on how to become a super dad surpriser, including tips for things you can make, do, or find—just for your dad. Be sure to read up on: · Yummy treats and presents for a dad · What to do if he starts getting suspicious · How to prepare for the big moment (where to hide everyone, and how to practice whispering &“Surprise!&”) From the author-illustrator team behind the New York Times bestsellers How to Babysit a Grandpa and How to Babysit a Grandma comes an adorable, funny, surprising celebration of dads! This Read & Listen edition contains audio narration.
How to Survive 40
by Clive Whichelow Mike HaskinsBrace yourself… 40 is approaching! Once your thirties are behind you, there are no excuses left – you’re indisputably ‘experienced’, certifiably ‘mature’. But don’t trade that margarita for a mug of cocoa just yet, because there’s plenty more fun to be had. This cheerful little book, full of tongue-in-cheek advice, will help keep your mojo working for many years to come!
How to Survive 40
by Clive Whichelow Mike HaskinsBrace yourself… 40 is approaching! Once your thirties are behind you, there are no excuses left – you’re indisputably ‘experienced’, certifiably ‘mature’. But don’t trade that margarita for a mug of cocoa just yet, because there’s plenty more fun to be had. This cheerful little book, full of tongue-in-cheek advice, will help keep your mojo working for many years to come!
How to Survive 50
by Clive Whichelow Mike HaskinsBrace yourself… 50 is approaching! There’s no denying it – you’ve officially got ‘a few years’ under your belt (and possibly a few extra notches on it). But don’t trade your party gear for a pair of slippers just yet, because there’s plenty more fun to be had. This cheerful little book, full of tongue-in-cheek advice, will help you carry on strutting your stuff for many years to come!
How to Survive 50
by Clive Whichelow Mike HaskinsBrace yourself… 50 is approaching! There’s no denying it – you’ve officially got ‘a few years’ under your belt (and possibly a few extra notches on it). But don’t trade your party gear for a pair of slippers just yet, because there’s plenty more fun to be had. This cheerful little book, full of tongue-in-cheek advice, will help you carry on strutting your stuff for many years to come!
How to Survive 60
by Clive Whichelow Mike HaskinsBrace yourself… 60 is approaching! It’s time to face the facts – even though you might not feel it, you’re decidedly more O.A.P. than V.I.P. But don’t trade your custard creams for the cod-liver oil just yet, because there’s plenty more fun to be had. This cheerful little book, full of tongue-in-cheek advice, will put some swagger in your step for many years to come!
How to Survive 60
by Clive Whichelow Mike HaskinsBrace yourself… 60 is approaching! It’s time to face the facts – even though you might not feel it, you’re decidedly more O.A.P. than V.I.P. But don’t trade your custard creams for the cod-liver oil just yet, because there’s plenty more fun to be had. This cheerful little book, full of tongue-in-cheek advice, will put some swagger in your step for many years to come!
How to Survive America: A Prescription
by Doug Moe D. L. Hughley"Dispels the myth that people of color are somehow predisposed to poor health, blaming systemic injustice in the health care system." —New York Times Book ReviewLegendary comedian D.L. Hughley uses his "hilarious yet soul-shaking" (Black Enterprise) humor to confront racism's unjust impact on the health and wellbeing of Blacks and minorities White people love survival guides. But have you noticed they’re always about ridiculous activities in locations far from home, with chapters like “How to Survive an Avalanche" or "How to Live on Bugs in the Jungle.” Huh?!You know who really needs a survival guide? Black and brown Americans. For surviving their own damn country! Minority populations wake up every day in a battle for their health and safety. Thankfully, legendary activist-comedian D.L. Hughley offers How to Survive America, a fearless satire that exposes racism’s unjust toll on our bodies and minds.Even before COVID-19 disproportionately impacted minority communities, life expectancy for Blacks was a full three years less than for white Americans. The very air we breathe is more polluted, our water is more contaminated, our local food options are toxic, and our jobs are underpaid. Despite the obvious need, the quality of our health care is tragically inadequate. Our communities are statistically less safe than the average, and yet we’re terrorized by the law-enforcement and criminal-justice systems that are supposed to protect us, sending Blacks to prison at five times the rate of whites. Not least, our means of addressing these injustices—voting—is perennially under assault.It’s enough to drive you crazy. Well, guess what? According to Cigna, Blacks are 20 percent more likely to report “psychological distress” yet “50 percent less likely to receive counseling or mental health treatment.” It’s almost like the entire country has been structured with no regard for our welfare. Hmmm.Whether you’re Black, white, brown, or Asian, don’t leave home without arming yourself with How to Survive America!
How to Survive Being a Cat Owner: Tongue-In-Cheek Advice and Cheeky Illustrations about Being a Cat Owner
by Clive Whichelow Mike HaskinsCats are furry, purry and loveable. They also happen to be the keepers of their own destiny – and utterly untrainable; if you’re going to make it as a cat owner, you’re going to need survival skills. This mischievous little book will help see you through your years as a cat owner with tongue-in-cheek advice and cheeky illustrations.
How to Survive Being a Cat Owner: Tongue-In-Cheek Advice and Cheeky Illustrations about Being a Cat Owner
by Clive Whichelow Mike HaskinsCats are furry, purry and loveable. They also happen to be the keepers of their own destiny – and utterly untrainable; if you’re going to make it as a cat owner, you’re going to need survival skills. This mischievous little book will help see you through your years as a cat owner with tongue-in-cheek advice and cheeky illustrations.
How to Survive Being a Doctor: Tongue-In-Cheek Advice and Cheeky Illustrations about Being a Doctor
by Clive Whichelow Mike HaskinsYour job is rewarding, but if you’re going to be faced with the horrors of the human body you’re going to need survival skills. This mischievous little book will help see you through your years as a doctor with tongue-in-cheek advice and cheeky illustrations.
How to Survive Being a Doctor: Tongue-In-Cheek Advice and Cheeky Illustrations about Being a Doctor
by Clive Whichelow Mike HaskinsYour job is rewarding, but if you’re going to be faced with the horrors of the human body you’re going to need survival skills. This mischievous little book will help see you through your years as a doctor with tongue-in-cheek advice and cheeky illustrations.