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How to Talk Dirty and Influence People: An Autobiography
by Lenny Bruce Lewis Black Howard ReichDuring the course of a career that began in the late 1940s, Lenny Bruce challenged the sanctity of organized religion and other societal and political conventions and widened the boundaries of free speech. Critic Ralph Gleason said, "So many taboos have been lifted and so many comics have rushed through the doors Lenny opened. He utterly changed the world of comedy.” He died in 1966 at the age of 40. His influence on the worlds of comedy, jazz, and satire is incalculable, and How to Talk Dirty and Influence People--now republished to coincide with the 50th anniversary of Lenny Bruce's death--remains a brilliant existential account of his life and the forces that made him the most important and controversial entertainer in history.
How to Talk Like a Bear
by Charlie GrandyTold in the same fourth-wall-breaking style of B. J. Novak's The Book With No Pictures, How to Talk Like a Bear is the perfect how-to guide to speaking fluent bear.Want to learn how to speak Bear? Well, you came to the right place. It's far more than just growling and roaring (a common misconception). There's a lot more to it. It's very easy to accidentally say the wrong phrase when you're trying to get your point across. For example, saying "ROOOAARR" instead of "ROAAARRRR" is the difference between wanting a sandwich and wanting to get into beekeeping.This silly romp is perfect for read-alouds and is the exact right gift for anyone looking for a laugh (or looking to learn a new language)."A laugh-out-loud take on the challenges of making ourselves understood."--Kirkus
How to Talk Like a Chicken
by Charlie GrandyFrom the duo behind How to Talk Like a Bear comes a hilarious new picture book!You may think talking like a chicken is all clucking and bawking and flapping your arms, but it's actually far more complicated than that. Like all languages, it has many intricacies. For example, chickens also peep and ruffle their feathers. Very complex.Told in the same fourth-wall-breaking style of How to Talk Like a Bear, a hilarious little chicken guides the reader through important phrases and situations so that all readers are prepared to wow their family members and various farm animals with their perfect chicken prose. It may even come in handy in the off chance a peaceful farm is threatened by a menacing fox!How to Talk Like a Chicken is a perfect read-aloud and a great gift for any child looking to expand their worldview into the vast culture of the Chicken language.
How to Talk Minnesotan: Revised for the 21st Century
by Howard MohrA revised edition of the hilarious Minnesotan culture guide from a former writer for A Prairie Home Companion Fans of the Minnesota-set movie Fargo will love this uproarious culture guide to all-things Minnesotan. With his dry wit and distinctive voice, Howard Mohr won millions of fans across the country on Garrison Keillor’s radio show A Prairie Home Companion. His popular commercials and ad spots, including one for “Minnesota Language Systems,” became the best of the best of Minnesota humor. Now, Mohr has updated his classic guide, How to Talk Minnesotan, to advise visitors on the use of Twitter and Facebook, cell phone etiquette, and more while in the Land of 10,000 Lakes. .
How to Talk to Dads
by Alec Greven Kei AcederaNever underestimate the power of the father! You may think you know all the tricks, but ten-year-old Alec Greven knows that when it comes to dads, you have to be on your toes. Some dads are strict, and some are easygoing, but they all have a good side and a bad side. What you get totally depends on Dad's mood and your attitude. So no matter how old you are or how tight you are with the big guy, trust Alec to help you get down to the bottom of what makes your dad tick. Tips: There is an 80 percent chance your dad will say yes when your mom says no. Video games calm Dad down and put him in a better mood. If you think Dad is going to let you run wild, you are wrong!
How to Talk to Girls
by Alec Greven Kei AcederaAre you smart enough to take over a girl's heart? Leave it to a nine-year-old to get down to the basics about how to win victory with a girl. How to talk to girls is for boys of all ages--from eight to eighty--and the girls they like. So read this book and then you're ready. Good luck! Tips: Comb your hair and don't wear sweats Control your hyperness (cut down on the sugar if you have to) Don't act desperate
How to Talk to Moms
by Alec Greven Kei AcederaSometimes your mom seems like the most wonderful woman in the world. Sometimes you think she is mean and wants to ruin your life. Really, it is both. No matter how well you know your mom, chances are she's got a few tricks up her sleeve. Alec Greven may only be ten, but he will set you straight when it comes to figuring out the most important woman in your life. Tips: Don't use your shirt as a napkin or a Kleenex. Don't bring loose wildlife into the house-ever! Your mom will always love you no matter what.
How to Talk to Santa
by Alec Greven Kei AcederaHow do you control your greed, still get what you want, and spread the cheer? Get ready. Santa's almost here! Ten-year-old Alec Greven is the boy to turn to for advice about the jolly guy in the red suit. He knows it's easy to go wild when Santa is on his way and explains how to avoid Santa-trouble. But there's more to Christmas than want, want, want, and Alec reminds us of the greater meaning--giving to others and spreading joy! Tips: There is a 99.999999999% chance that you will never catch Santa. My advice is: Don't risk it! Don't whine now--whine later. December 26 is National Whiners' Day. You can be 100 and still believe.
How to Talk to Your Cat About Gun Safety: And Abstinence, Drugs, Satanism, and Other Dangers That Threaten Their Nine Lives
by Zachary AuburnThe cats of America are under siege! Long gone are the good old days when a cat's biggest worries were mean dogs or a bath. Modern cats must confront satanists, online predators, the possibility of needing to survive in a post-apocalyptic wasteland, and countless other threats to their nine lives. For over four decades, the American Association of Patriots have stood at the vanguard of our country's defense by helping to prepare our nation's cat owners for the difficult conversations they dread having with their pets. Written in a simple Q&A format, How to Talk to Your Cat About Gun Safety answers crucial questions such as, "What is the right age to talk to my cat about the proper use of firearms?" and "What are the benefits of my cat living a lifestyle of abstinence?" and especially "Why does my cat need to use the internet? Can't he just play with yarn like cats used to do?" Our country--and our cats--stand at a precipice. It will take courage, and it will take hard work, but armed with the knowledge within these pages, we can make our cats--and America--great again!From the Trade Paperback edition.
How to Talk to Your Cat About Gun Safety: and Abstinence, Drugs, Satanism, and Other Dangers That Threaten Their Nine Lives
by Zachary AuburnLong gone are the good old days when a cat's biggest worries were mean dogs or a bath. Modern cats must confront satanists, online predators, the possibility of needing to survive in a post-apocalyptic wasteland, and countless other threats to their nine lives.For over four decades, the American Association of Patriots have stood at the vanguard of our country's defense by helping to prepare our nation's cat owners for the difficult conversations they dread having with their pets. Written in a simple Q&A format, HOW TO TALK TO YOUR CAT ABOUT GUN SAFETY answers crucial questions such as, 'What is the right age to talk to my cat about the proper use of firearms?' and 'What are the benefits of my cat living a lifestyle of abstinence?' and especially 'Why does my cat need to use the internet? Can't he just play with yarn like cats used to do?'America - and our cats - stand at a precipice. It will take courage, and it will take hard work, but armed with the knowledge within these pages, we can make our cats - and America - great again!
How to Talk to a Widower: A Novel
by Jonathan Tropper"Beautifully crafted", "Fantastically funny." "Compulsively readable." Jonathan Tropper has earned wild acclaim---and comparisons to Nick Hornby and Tom Perrotta--for his biting humor and insightful portrayals of families in crisis and men behaving badly. Now the acclaimed author of The Book of Joe and Everything Changes tackles love, lust, and lost in the suburbs--in a stunning novel that is by turns heartfelt and riotously funny.Doug Parker is a widower at age twenty-nine, and in his quiet suburban town, that makes him something of a celebrity--the object of sympathy, curiosity, and, in some cases, unbridled desire. But Doug has other things on his mind. First there's his sixteen year-old stepson, Russ: a once-sweet kid who now is getting into increasingly serious trouble on a daily basis. Then there are Doug's sisters: his bossy twin, Clair, who's just left he husband and moved in with Doug, determined to rouse him from his Grieving stupor. And Debbie, who's engaged to Doug's ex-best friend and manically determined to pull off the perfect wedding at any cost.Soon Doug's entire nuclear family is in his face. And when he starts dipping his toes into the shark-infested waters of the second-time around dating scene, it isn't long before his new life is spinning hopelessly out of control, cutting a harrowing and often hilarious swath of sexual missteps and escalating chaos across the suburban landscape.From the Hardcover edition.
How to Tame Your Cat: Tongue-in-Cheek Advice for Keeping Your Furry Friend Under Control
by Sam HartA fully illustrated book of tongue-in-cheek advice for cat parents who struggle to tame their cat's inner beastHaving a cat can be such a joy. Little compares to the delight of cuddles on the couch, the sound of gentle purring, or the fun of playtime. But what do you do when your furry friend starts scratching all the furniture, ruining the flower beds, stealing your food and generally wreaking havoc?Luckily, this entertaining guide is here with top tips and tricks to tame your cat when the wild beast comes out, so you can spend more time giving head scritches and less time worrying about the state of your curtains.Become an elite cat parent with these nuggets of wisdom: If you're worried about items crashing to the floor, attach ornaments with string and they won't make such a satisfying "THUNK" noiseCity cats love the daily discipline of being taken for a walk; give it a try and observe the calming effect it has on themInstall a security-grade toilet-paper guard to avoid unsolicited homemade confetti
How to Tame Your Cat: Tongue-in-Cheek Advice for Keeping Your Furry Friend Under Control
by Sam HartA fully illustrated book of tongue-in-cheek advice for cat parents who struggle to tame their cat's inner beastHaving a cat can be such a joy. Little compares to the delight of cuddles on the couch, the sound of gentle purring, or the fun of playtime. But what do you do when your furry friend starts scratching all the furniture, ruining the flower beds, stealing your food and generally wreaking havoc?Luckily, this entertaining guide is here with top tips and tricks to tame your cat when the wild beast comes out, so you can spend more time giving head scritches and less time worrying about the state of your curtains.Become an elite cat parent with these nuggets of wisdom: If you're worried about items crashing to the floor, attach ornaments with string and they won't make such a satisfying "THUNK" noiseCity cats love the daily discipline of being taken for a walk; give it a try and observe the calming effect it has on themInstall a security-grade toilet-paper guard to avoid unsolicited homemade confetti
How to Teach Classics to Your Dog: A Quirky Introduction to the Ancient Greeks and Romans
by Philip WomackIt should have been a beautiful moment between a man and his dog. Philip Womack made a quip about Cerberus, the three-headed hell-hound, but for Una, the beloved lurcher, it was all Greek. Then she ran off after a squirrel. And Womack was left to wonder what else she didn&’t know about the great civilisations of the past. The Greeks and the Romans laid the foundations of so much of what we read, listen to and watch today, from the baked pies of Game of Thrones to the Lotus-eaters of Love Island. In this unique introduction, Womack leads Una and us on a fleet-footed odyssey through the classical world. You&’ll learn to tell your Odysseus from your Oedipus, your Polyxena from your Polydorus…but the story of the hunting dogs that tore their own master apart may be best left for another day.
How to Teach Philosophy to Your Dog: A Quirky Introduction to the Big Questions in Philosophy
by Anthony McGowanMonty was just like any other dog. A scruffy and irascible Maltese terrier, he enjoyed barking at pugs and sniffing at trees. But after yet another dramatic confrontation with the local Rottweiler, Anthony McGowan realises it&’s high time he and Monty had a chat about what makes him a good or a bad dog. And they don&’t stop at ethics. Taking his cue from Monty&’s canine antics, McGowan leads us on an enlightening jaunt through the world of philosophy. Will Kant convince Monty to stop stealing cheesecake? How long will they put up with Socrates poking holes in every argument? Do they have free will to pursue answers to these questions? Join the dutiful duo as they set out to uncover who – if anyone – has the right end of the ethical stick and can tell us how best to live one&’s life. But there is also a shadow over their conversations. Monty is not well… And so towards the end the biggest questions raise their heads: is there a God? Does life have a meaning? By the time of their last walk together, Monty – and the reader – will find that they have not just solved a few philosophical puzzles, but absorbed much of the history of Western philosophy.
How to Teach Philosophy to Your Dog: Exploring The Big Questions In Life
by Anthony McGowanBecause man’s best friend deserves to know the secrets of how to live a good life, too. Monty was just like any other dog. A scruffy and irascible Maltese terrier, he enjoyed barking at pugs and sniffing at trees. But after yet another dramatic confrontation with the local Rottweiler, Anthony McGowan realizes it’s high time he and Monty had a chat about what makes him a good or a bad dog. Taking his lead from Monty’s canine antics, McGowan takes us on a hilarious and enlightening jaunt through the major debates of philosophy. Will Kant convince Monty to stop stealing cheesecake? How long will they put up with Socrates poking holes in every argument? In this uniquely entertaining take on morality and ethics, the dutiful duo set out to uncover who—if anyone—has the right end of the ethical stick and can tell us how best to live one’s life.
How to Teach Relativity to Your Dog
by Chad OrzelIn this accessible introduction to general and special relativity for students and general readers, Orzel (physics, Union College) explains concepts such as the Big Bang to Nero, a cat who believes he is the center of the universe, and Emmy, the dog who mastered quantum physics in Orzel's previous book. The book alternates between humorous human-pet dialogues and plain language explanations using everyday examples. It includes b&w illustrations explaining concepts, plus an extensive glossary and a brief bibliographic essay. Annotation ©2012 Book News, Inc. , Portland, OR (booknews. com)
How to Teach Your Cat a Trick: in Five Easy Steps (How to Cat books)
by Nicola WinstanleyIn this hilarious and clever follow-up to How to Give Your Cat a Bath, a boy, a dog and a know-it-all narrator are thwarted by a cat who refuses to learn a trick. The perfect read-aloud for fans of Interrupting Chicken.Step one: Decide on a trickStep two: Get some treats readyStep three: Hold the treat in your hand and ask your cat to do the trickStep four: Watch your cat do exactly what you asked him to doStep five: Reward your cat for doing the trick Simple, right? This spoof on an instruction manual features an increasingly bewildered human, a nonchalant cat, a very good dog and a know-it-all narrator . . . who really doesn't know it all. How DO you teach a cat a trick? Read on to find out!
How to Teach Your Dog to Drive
by Mike HaskinsIs your eyesight failing, are you not very good at driving yourself, or are you simply blind drunk? These are just a few of the reasons why it would make perfect sense to teach your dog to be your new chauffeur.Here, for the first time, is a complete guide: how to get your dog acquainted with the controls, which breeds are the safest drivers, frequently asked questions; and how to get your dog successfully through their tests.Never again need you wait for a taxi, or make that long highway drive unassisted. If you are a dog owner and a car owner, then How to Teach Your Dog to Drive will be the most useful book you buy this year, or even this decade . . .
How to Teach your Dog to Drive
by Mike HaskinsIs your eyesight failing, are you not very good at driving yourself or are you simply blind drunk? These are just a few of the reasons why it would make perfect sense to teach your dog to be your new chauffeur. Here, for the first time, is a complete guide: how to get your dog acquainted with the controls, which breeds are the safest drivers, frequently asked questions; and how to get your dog successfully through their tests.Never again need you wait for a taxi, or make that long motorway drive unassisted. If you are a dog owner and a car owner, then How to Teach Your Dog to Drive will be the most useful book you buy this year, or even this decade . . .
How to Tell Your Friends From the Apes (Nonpareil Book)
by P. G. Wodehouse Will Cuppy JacksWill Cuppy was one of the original staff of Harold Ross’s New Yorker and the author of How to Be a Hermit and How to Become Extinct. He is also, says P.G.Wodehouse in his introduction, “the author of the best thing said about Pekingese, viz. ‘I don’t know why they should look so conceited. They’re no better than we are.'” This quip sounds the characteristic Cuppy note: concisely expressed misanthropy, a.k.a. pith and vinegar. About the title: “I grant you there are plenty of old-fashioned and pretty ineffective ways to tell your friends from the Apes,” confesses the author. “What could be simpler, for instance, when you are at the zoo? The Apes are in cages. Yes, but when you are not at the zoo, what then?” “Then” is when we need to be taken by Mr. Cuppy’s incomparable hand, which, unlike the chimpanzee’s, is clean and has an opposable thumb.
How to Tell a Joke: An Ancient Guide to the Art of Humor (Ancient Wisdom for Modern Readers)
by Marcus Tullius CiceroTimeless advice about how to use humor to win over any audienceCan jokes win a hostile room, a hopeless argument, or even an election? You bet they can, according to Cicero, and he knew what he was talking about. One of Rome’s greatest politicians, speakers, and lawyers, Cicero was also reputedly one of antiquity’s funniest people. After he was elected commander-in-chief and head of state, his enemies even started calling him “the stand-up Consul.” How to Tell a Joke provides a lively new translation of Cicero’s essential writing on humor alongside that of the later Roman orator and educator Quintilian. The result is a timeless practical guide to how a well-timed joke can win over any audience.As powerful as jokes can be, they are also hugely risky. The line between a witty joke and an offensive one isn’t always clear. Cross it and you’ll look like a clown, or worse. Here, Cicero and Quintilian explore every aspect of telling jokes—while avoiding costly mistakes. Presenting the sections on humor in Cicero’s On the Ideal Orator and Quintilian’s The Education of the Orator, complete with an enlightening introduction and the original Latin on facing pages, How to Tell a Joke examines the risks and rewards of humor and analyzes basic types that readers can use to write their own jokes.Filled with insight, wit, and examples, including more than a few lawyer jokes, How to Tell a Joke will appeal to anyone interested in humor or the art of public speaking.
How to Tell if Your Boyfriend Is the Antichrist
by Michael Miller Patricia CarlinBoyfriend From Hell or Perfect Angel? Your days of dating liars, cheaters, and total scumbags are over! Here are identifying characteristics for more than 70 potential boyfriends, along with advice about who to keep and who to kick to the curb. Find out if your guy is: * Married with Children * A Cult Leader * A Player * An Extraterrestrial * Actually Twins * And Dozens More! Includes a handy index of personality traits so you can quickly decipher the hidden meaning of all your boyfriend's behaviors.From the Hardcover edition.
How to Think Like a Cat
by Stéphane GarnierLearn the secrets of being calm, cool, and charismatic with this “playful self-help guide . . . sure to please cat lovers” (Publishers Weekly).Do cats worry about retirement? Nope. Do cats do things they don’t want to do? Definitely not. Do cats rush around at all hours of the day when they’d rather be licking their paws and looking out a window? Please.Calm, free, charismatic, wise, elegant, self-assured—our beloved feline pets strut those traits that we humans spend a lifetime aspiring to. No wonder everybody wants to be more like a cat.After observing his own cat, Ziggy, for years, bestselling French author Stéphane Garnier decided he would be much happier if he could just live more like Ziggy. Closer study only confirmed his suspicion that cats have that je ne sais quoi, and he set out to share Ziggy’s innate wisdom with the world.Whether at work, at home, or in your social life, your cat can teach you how to manage stress, cultivate independence, and live life on your terms. Peppered with humorous yet inspiring tips for living a day in the life of a cat, cat secrets from Ziggy, and a quiz to assess your “cat quotient,” How to Think Like a Cat is an inspiring, humorous, and remarkably insightful guide to the subtle art of living like a feline.
How to Think Right
by Brad StineGood, clean humor about a dirty word-liberalism Watch out, blue-staters: Brad Stine is about to spoil your party. This conservative Christian comedian doesn't use profanity to get laughs, just good old-fashioned common sense. In How to Think RightHow to Think Right will come as a breath of fresh air-if only you can stop laughing.