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Growing Old Disgracefully: How to upset and perplex your children with increasingly erratic and unreasonable behaviour
by Rohan CandappaDoes your mother think it's really charming to talk to every rose bush on the street? Has your father taken up obsessive fundraising for a donkey sanctuary on retirement? Does he collect elastic bands because 'you never know when you'll need one'? Do your parents make jokes about sheltered housing? Have they guessed that you've already sent off for the brochures? Do they seem to be having too much fun for a couple with two fake hips, a pacemaker and three steel pins between them? Then you need Rohan Candappa. The man who bought you The Little Book of Stress, The Little Book of Wrong Shui and The Autobiography of a One Year Old has hit the nail on the head once more. Full of wit and wisdom, Rohan will give you a much needed laugh in the face of your parents' increasingly barmy behaviour. Just one thing, you'll probably find your parents have bought it too. And they'll probably think its really funny.
Growing Old Doesn't Mean Growing Up: Hilarious Life Advice for the Young at Heart
by Ian Baker Clive Whichelow Mike HaskinsSee the funny side of ageing with this collection of amusing observations, silly suggestions and humorous illustrations – the perfect gift for any birthday girl or boy with more than a few candles on their cakeSo you’re a little bit older. So what? Just because you’re getting on a bit doesn’t mean you have to start acting ancient. The universe is over 13 billion years old, and you’re probably nowhere near that yet – well, not quite anyway.Frankly, it’s never too early to start enjoying your second childhood, to stop taking life so seriously and to start acting a bit silly again. This book will be your go-to guide for inspiration and merriment while clocking up birthdays like they’re going out of fashion.Across these pages, you’ll find all kinds of wild recommendations and questionable advice, including:Things it’s never too late to doGrown-up and less grown-up ways to behave at workHow to keep up with modern technologyWays you can blend in with younger peopleThings you can have tantrums about as you get olderSo forget the creaking joints or fleeing follicles and embrace the opportunities for mischief and mirth – after all, growing old doesn’t mean growing up!
The Growing Pains of Adrian Mole (The Adrian Mole Series #2)
by Sue Townsend&“Townsend&’s wit is razor sharp&” as her self-proclaimed intellectual adolescent hero continues his hilarious angst-filled secret diary (TheMirror). I can&’t wait until I am fully mature and can make urban conversation with intellectuals. Growing up among inferiors in Great Britain isn&’t easy for a sensitive fifteen-year-old &“poet of the Midlands&” like Adrian Mole, considering everything in the world is conspiring to scar him for life: His hormones are in a maelstrom; his mother is pregnant (at her age!); his girlfriend, Pandora, is in shutdown; radio stardom isn&’t panning out; he&’s become allergic to non-precious metals; and passing his exams is as dire a crisis as the Falkland Islands. From weathering a profound but shaky romance with the love of his life to negotiating his parents&’ reconciliation to writing his poetry on restroom walls (why on earth did he sign his name?), &“Adrian Mole is as engaging as ever&” (Time Out). The sequel to the beloved TheSecret Diary of Adrian Mole Aged 13¾ continues Adrian&’s chronicle of angst, which has sold more than twenty million copies worldwide, and been adapted for television and staged as a musical. Adrian Mole is truly &“a phenomenon&” (The Washington Post).
Growing Up (Virago Modern Classics #369)
by Angela ThirkellBarsetshire in the war years. Growing Up is the story of ladies, gentlemen, and their irrepressible children keeping the war at bay in their country town. Trying to do their part as the Second World War ravages Europe, Sir Harry and Lady Waring open their estate to convalescing soldiers - bringing romance, drama, and subtle life lessons to the Warings' young niece and her friends.
Grown Ups
by Marie Aubert"The perfect summer read." --British Vogue A whip-smart novel about modern motherhood and sibling rivalry, from one of Norway's rising stars--perfect for fans of Emma Straub and the films of Greta Gerwig!Exhilarating, funny, and unexpectedly devastating, Grown Ups is for anyone who has ever felt the fear of being overtaken by a sibling, who feels almost--but not quite--grown up, and who's struggled to navigate a new future for themselves. Ida is a forty-year-old architect, single and starting to panic. She's navigating Tinder and contemplating freezing her eggs, terrified that time has passed her by, silently, without her ever realizing it, which feels even more poignant and common in our COVID era. All she sees are other people's children, everywhere. Now stuck in the idyllic Norwegian countryside for a gathering to mark her mother's sixty-fifth birthday, Ida is regressing. She's fighting with her younger sister, Marthe, and flirting with her sister's husband. But when some supposedly wonderful news from Marthe heightens tensions further, Ida is forced to mark out new milestones of her own.
Grown-ups Never Do That
by Davide Cali Benjamin ChaudForgetting to do chores? Running late? Burping? No adult would ever behave so poorly! At least, that's what you might think. But by the end of this outrageous, laugh-out-loud picture book from celebrated author-illustrator team Davide Cali and Benjamin Chaud, you'll know better. Unbelievable as it may seem, sometimes even grown-ups misbehave! The duo behind Junior Library Guild selection I Didn't Do My Homework Because . . . and A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to School . . . are back with another relatable, rollicking tale, this time showcasing the humor—and the humanity—of the most important people in kids' lives.
Grown-ups Never Do That
by Davide Cali Benjamin ChaudA picture book reminding us that everyone is human and makes mistakes . . . even grown-ups: &“Hilarious.&” —Kirkus Reviews (starred review) Whether it&’s forgetting to do chores, running late, or burping, no adult would ever behave so poorly—at least, that&’s what you might think. By the end of this outrageous, laugh-out-loud picture book, you&’ll know better . . . From the duo behind Junior Library Guild selection I Didn&’t Do My Homework Because and A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to School, this relatable and rollicking tale will have kids (and the adults who read with them) in stitches—and remind them that it&’s okay not to be perfect all the time . . . and that manners exist for a reason. &“Illustrated with irony-laden wit . . . Delightfully droll text.&” —Kirkus Reviews (starred review) &“A fun, simple, and goofy read for both adults and kids.&” —School Library Journal &“Comically elegant, jewel-toned vignettes by Chaud, which detail an entire page of adult klutzes, a cheating chess player, and an amusing four-panel sequence of a father staring at his phone from breakfast to bedtime, hit the mark every time.&” —Publishers Weekly
The Grrl Genius Guide to Sex (with Other People): A Self-Help Novel
by Cathryn MichonWho better to advise you on sex and relationships than a woman who has consistently failed at both? In this laugh out loud funny "self-help novel", self proclaimed genius and author Cathryn Michon provides a how not to guide for anyone tackling the daunting task of finding romance in today's world (or at the local fire station.)Chock full of instructive relationship tips-such as the Pros and "Cons" of dating a man in prison-The Grrl Genius Guide to Sex (With Other People) is hilarious and right on the money both as an instructional guide and an endearingly romantic story about a woman and her four best friends who form The Grrl Genius Club. Armed with the information from Cathryn's Wild Sexual Animal Kingdom research and her "Love is Important but Chocolate is Essential" Chocolate Fun Facts, her posse of Grrl Geniuses struggle with singlehood, married life, sexual preferences, widowhood, and friendship. Cathryn's journey veers from a "nails-on-chalkboard-scratchingly-awful" divorce and the botched kidnapping of her own dog, to pretending to be a lesbian, seeing her old lingerie sold on her old front lawn by her ex-husband's girlfriend, losing her job, and a tragic industrial accident-level bikini wax. And through everything, Cathryn searches for the answer to the most important relationship question of all: why are all the best men gay?If you've ever been tempted to have sex with another person, this is an essential read. If you've ever felt inadequate to a task or a failure at love or in any way anything less than a genius and you've sunk so low that even a new pair of cute shoes won't help, Cathryn Michon can show you the way to relationship happiness-all you have to do is learn from her very funny mistakes. However badly you think you've done anything, Cathryn has done it even worse, and reveals lessons learned in the wryly witty and devastatingly honest style that has made her the favorite of aspiring geniuses everywhere!
The Grub-and-Stakers House a Haunt (The Grub-and-Stakers #5)
by Charlotte MacLeodA widowed gardener meets a ghost from frontier times who&’s out for revenge: &“The screwball mystery is Charlotte MacLeod&’s cup of tea&” (Chicago Tribune). Zilla Trott is pouring her cat some chamomile tea when the drifter appears in her kitchen. He is grubby and crude—not at all the kind of person you&’d usually find in the pleasant town of Lobelia Falls—but something about him intrigues the aging widow. Perhaps it&’s his rugged good looks, or the way he seems to come from another time and place. Or perhaps it&’s the fact that he&’s been dead for nearly a century. When Lobelia Falls was in its rough-and-tumble frontier infancy, Hiram Jellyby was the best mule driver the town had ever seen, until an argument over a hidden cache of gold left him bleeding to death in a back alley. He returns in spectral form to secure a proper burial, and finds that in modern-day Lobelia Falls, no one knows more about turning the soil than Zilla Trott&’s gardening buddies—all members of Dittany Monk&’s fearless Grub-and-Stake Gardening and Roving Club.
The Grub-and-Stakers Move a Mountain (The Grub-and-Stakers #1)
by Charlotte MacLeodA small town gardening—and archery—club must solve a murder case and save their town from developers in the first cozy mystery featuring Dittany Henbit. Anyone growing up in Lobelia Falls is taught to learn the elegant, ancient, and occasionally deadly art of shooting with a bow and arrow. Practicing the craft, freelance secretary Dittany Henbit is strolling through the woods with her bow at her side when she meets a surveyor making surveys where he shouldn&’t. Dittany is giving him what-for when an arrow goes whizzing above her head. It is sharp enough to kill, and was not fired by accident, but Dittany wasn&’t the target. She and the surveyor find Mr. Architrave, the head of the water department, not far away—lying dead beneath the trees that he loved so much. Progress is coming to Lobelia Falls, and one resident will do anything to stop it. But in a town where every child can shoot, how can Dittany discover who drew the killer bow?
The Grub-and-Stakers Pinch a Poke (The Grub-and-Stakers #3)
by Charlotte MacLeodThe curtains almost close on an actor in this cozy gardening club mystery featuring amateur sleuth Dittany Henbit and her husband, Osbert Monk. When Jenson Thorbisher-Freep announces an amateur theatrical contest, the women in the Grub-and-Stake gardening club race to join in. They enlist Osbert Monk as their playwright—not only is he married to their club leader Dittany Monk, but he&’s famous the world over as Lex Laramie, bestselling novelist of Westerns. Taking the legend of Dangerous Dan McGrew as his inspiration, Osbert delivers a rough draft faster than the Pony Express. Now all the Grub-and-Stakers have to do is cast it. To play McGrew, Dittany picks town cad Andrew McNaster, who has recently improved his manners in an attempt to woo Osbert&’s aunt, Arethusa. The gunslinger&’s performance gets a bit too real on opening night, though, when his prop bullets are replaced with real ones, and claim the toe of a fellow thespian. Is McNaster as nice as he pretends to be? Or has he taken his part too close to heart, and decided to become very dangerous indeed?
The Grub-and-Stakers Quilt a Bee (The Grub-and-Stakers #2)
by Charlotte MacLeodWhen the seeds of a mystery are planted, gardening club member Dittany Henbit digs up clues in the cozy series from the international bestselling author. The Grub-and-Stakers gardening club has traditionally limited its activities to serving tea and gossiping about wildflowers, but when water department supervisor John Architrave is found murdered in the woods, club member Dittany Henbit turns to solving mysteries. After Architrave&’s will reveals that he bequeathed his ramshackle old house to the Grub-and-Stakers, with instructions for it to be turned into a museum, Dittany resigns herself to weeks of cleaning out the mansion and sorting through donated town &“artifacts.&” The task turns interesting, however, the minute bodies start falling from the sky. The new curator is airing out the house&’s attic when he takes his tumble off the roof. So unlikely is it that he would fall out the tiny attic window, that Dittany has no choice but to attempt to add one captured killer to the young museum&’s permanent collection.
The Grub-and-Stakers Spin a Yarn (The Grub-and-Stakers #4)
by Charlotte MacLeodA murder in a yarn store leads to some wild and woolly adventures in this &“energetic and merry&” mystery (Publishers Weekly). When word gets out that Dittany Monk, the sleuthing gardener of Lobelia Falls, is expecting twins, every knitter in town races to Miss Jane Fuzzywuzzy&’s Yarnery to begin work on a complete wardrobe of hats, booties, and tiny sweaters. One customer, however, has even more urgent business: the man with the gunshot wounds in his back. The victim stumbles out of a bullet-ridden car, dripping blood all over the freshly cleaned sidewalk, and dies with a peculiar phrase on his lips: &“The raveled sleeve!&” Before Miss Jane can offer advice on how to rescue an unraveling sweater, her unfortunate customer expires. To ensure her twins can be raised in a safe hometown, Dittany will have to get the yarn-store murder sewn up.
Gruel and Unusual Punishment (An Amish Bed and Breakfast Mystery with Recipes – PennDutch Mysteries #10)
by Tamar MyersAn Amish Bed and Breakfast Mystery with Recipes – PennDutch Mysteries #10 Pennsylvania Dutch Inn owner Magdalena Yoder is back in the tenth book in the mouthwatering series... Conman Clarence Webber career has been long and very lucrative—until he landed himself in Hernia’s jail, and is promptly poisoned. Since Magdalena’s PennDutch Inn provides all of the meals for Hernia’s tiny jail, all eyes are on her. She retraces Webber’s criminal path through Pennsylvania—and even Maryland!—she soon discovers that he left a long list of victims, all with good reason to try to do the conman in!! With the reputation of her beloved PennDutch Inn on the line, Magdalena puts on her investigator bonnet to learn who in Hernia poisoned the gruel… “Bubbling over with mirth and mystery.” –Dorothy Cannell b>“A delicious treat.” –Carolyn G. Hart “Charming and delightful...Tamar Myers [keeps] it fresh and original.” -- Midwest Book Review
Gruesome Grown-ups: Cautionary tales for lovers of squeam! Book 2 (Grizzly Tales #2)
by Jamie RixGrizzliness is out there. Every child has the makings of mischievousness, and can be lured into committing dastardly deeds. The six stories in each of the Grizzly Tales books show the rise and hard fall of vile and villainous children. In this book, parents and teachers are to blame for the murk and misery of the children's lives. Luckily, there are top tips for dealing with gruesome grown-ups - although no child is clever enough to defeat the Darkness completely ...We are completely reinventing the Grizzly Tales format for today's readers - ingenious concepts to link the separate stories, new format, design and illustrations, but still capturing Jamie Rix's legendary brilliant for creating stories that linger in the mind long after the lights go out at night!
Grumbles from the Town: Mother-Goose Voices with a Twist
by Jane Yolen Rebecca Kai DotlichPoets Jane Yolen and Rebecca Kai Dotlich take fourteen Mother-Goose rhymes that have been enjoyed by generations of children and twist them in ways sure to delight modern kids. These poem pairs feature wildly different voices and perspectives, and Angela Matteson's stunning illustrations add further hilarious details. So while Humpty Dumpty's classmate explains why he's sitting in time-out again, Matteson's art shows Humpty Dumpty as a daredevil skateboarder teetering on a wall. The poems have strong rhythm and rhyme, making Grumbles from the Town a terrific read-aloud. This lavish volume includes the original Mother Goose rhymes, endnotes that briefly describe their history, and an introduction that invites readers to imagine their own poems from unusual perspectives and "create magic."
Grump: The (Fairly) True Tale of Snow White and the Seven Dwarves
by Liesl ShurtliffFrom the New York Times bestselling author of Rump, comes the true story behind another unlikely hero: a grumpy dwarf who gets tangled up in Snow White's feud with the wicked queen.Ever since he was a dwarfling, Borlen (nicknamed "Grump") has dreamed of visiting The Surface, so when opportunity knocks, he leaves his cavern home behind. At first, life aboveground is a dream come true. Queen Elfrieda Veronika Ingrid Lenore (E.V.I.L.) is the best friend Grump always wanted, feeding him all the rubies he can eat and allowing him to rule at her side in exchange for magic and information. But as time goes on, Grump starts to suspect that Queen E.V.I.L. may not be as nice as she seems. . . . When the queen commands him to carry out a horrible task against her stepdaughter Snow White, Grump is in over his head. He's bound by magic to help the queen, but also to protect Snow White. As if that wasn't stressful enough, the queen keeps bugging him for updates through her magic mirror! He'll have to dig deep to find a way out of this pickle, and that's enough to make any dwarf Grumpy indeed."Liesl Shurtliff writes the perfect middle-grade page-turners that fourth graders can gobble down on the plane, train, and automobile trips ahead this summer. . . . [she] excels at turning familiar worlds on their heads. --The New York Times Book Review"Hilarious and heartfelt . . . Lovable Borlen's grumpy first-person narration explores themes of belonging, friendship, and doing the right thing. Sure to please fans of reimagined fairy tales." --Kirkus"A hilarious reimagining of its origin story with a wonderfully detailed world and interesting twists on classic characters. Sure to be a hit with fantasy fans looking for comedy." --Booklist"The story moves at a fast pace and deftly balances lighthearted humor with emotional weight. . . .a sure hit for Shurtliff's fans." --School Library Journal
The Grump Whisperer (Morningsong Farm #1)
by Katy James&“…sweet and sensual … Hannah Grace fans should take note.&” – Publishers Weekly on The Grump WhispererKeep calm and ride on…For fans of Elsie Silver and Hannah Grace comes a charmingly engaging story about tumbling down, falling in love and getting back into the saddle when it counts…Horse barn manager Bronwen Jones is just about at her wit&’s end. The barn is under new ownership, and things are going downhill fast. Now the situation is dire: bills are unpaid, they&’re low on feed and hay, and the mountain of manure is the stuff of nightmares.Which is when he arrives. Former show jumper Ian Kingston is an absolutely gorgeous wreck of a man with a deep scowl. He had the career she always dreamed of—until his most recent injury destroyed any hope of professional riding. Ian wants nothing to do with Bronwen, the responsibilities for horses or anything that reminds him of what he&’s lost.Only, Bronwen isn&’t about to let their resident Mr. Rochester off easy. Not when there are horses that need tending. And when a glorious but skittish stallion arrives, Bronwen and Ian are forced to work together—even as attraction crackles between them. Both must face the pile of crap that&’s keeping them from moving forward…and the outcome may be the greatest ride of their lives.From showing up to glowing up, the characters in Afterglow Books are on the path to leading their best lives and finding sizzling romance along the way. Don&’t miss any of these other fun titles…The Bookbinder&’s Guide to Love by Katherine GarberaThe Devil in Blue Jeans by Stacey KennedyManila Takes Manhattan by Carla de GuzmanFake Flame by Adele Buck
Grumpy Bird
by Jeremy TankardThe debut book of Jeremy Tankard's high-flying Bird series!Bird wakes up feeling grumpy. Too grumpy to eat or play -- too grumpy even to fly. "Looks like I'm walking today," says Bird. He walks past Sheep, who offers to keep him company. He walks past Rabbit, who also could use a walk. Raccoon, Beaver, and Fox join in, too. Before he knows it, a little exercise and companionship help Bird shake his bad mood. Praised by the Wall Street Journal as "comic perfection," this winsome, refreshingly original picture book is sure to help kids (and grown-ups) giggle away their grumpies, too! Bird's impeckably crafted, hilarious melodramas continue in the Grumpy Bird board book, Boo Hoo Bird, Hungry Bird, and coming in 2018, Sleepy Bird.
Grumpy Cat: A Grumpy Book
by Grumpy CatInternet sensation Grumpy Cat's epic feline frown has inspired legions of devoted fans. Celebrating the grouch in everyone, the Grumpy Cat book teaches the fine art of grumpiness and includes enough bad attitude to cast a dark cloud over the whole world. Featuring brand new as well as classic photos, and including grump-inspiring activities and games, Grumpy Cat delivers unmatched, hilarious grumpiness that puts any bad mood in perspective.
Grumpy Cat: Everything You Need to No
by Grumpy CatGrumpy Cat is back with a mission: Teach the world to "NO" everything. She's collected all her least favorite things and can't wait to tell everyone what to think about them. Grumpy Cat: No-It-All is packed with feel-good topics just begging for a cranky makeover: kittens, rainbows, smiles, birthday parties, cuddles, and more. Anyone who takes delight in sometimes seeing the glass half empty will love the hilarious new photos and commentary from the official mascot of misery. Where others say "aww!," Grumpy Cat teaches us to say "ugh." Nothing sweet is safe from this famous frown.<P><P> Advisory: Bookshare has learned that this book offers only partial accessibility. We have kept it in the collection because it is useful for some of our members. To explore further access options with us, please contact us through the Book Quality link on the right sidebar. Benetech is actively working on projects to improve accessibility issues such as these. This specific book does have image descriptions on the images. If you have accessible technology that can read the alt text, you will have access to that text.
Grumpy Cat: A Grumpy Book
by Grumpy CatInternet sensation Grumpy Cat's epic feline frown has inspired legions of devoted fans. Celebrating the grouch in everyone, the Grumpy Cat book teaches the fine art of grumpiness and includes enough bad attitude to cast a dark cloud over the whole world. Featuring brand new as well as classic photos, and including grump-inspiring activities and games, Grumpy Cat delivers unmatched, hilarious grumpiness that puts any bad mood in perspective.<P><P> Advisory: Bookshare has learned that this book offers only partial accessibility. We have kept it in the collection because it is useful for some of our members. To explore further access options with us, please contact us through the Book Quality link on the right sidebar. Benetech is actively working on projects to improve accessibility issues such as these.
Grumpy Cat: Everything You Need to No (Grumpy Cat Ser.)
by Grumpy CatGrumpy Cat is back with a mission: Teach the world to "NO" everything. She's collected all her least favorite things and can't wait to tell everyone what to think about them. Grumpy Cat: No-It-All is packed with feel-good topics just begging for a cranky makeover: kittens, rainbows, smiles, birthday parties, cuddles, and more. Anyone who takes delight in sometimes seeing the glass half empty will love the hilarious new photos and commentary from the official mascot of misery. Where others say "aww!," Grumpy Cat teaches us to say "ugh." Nothing sweet is safe from this famous frown.
The Grumpy Guide to Life: Observations from Grumpy Cat (Grumpy Cat Ser.)
by Grumpy CatIn a world filled with inspirational know-it-alls and quotable blowhards, only one figure is indifferent enough to tell the cranky truth: Grumpy Cat. Following the success of her New York Times bestselling debut, everyone's favorite disgruntled feline is back with this demotivational guide to everyday life, love, friendship, and more. Featuring many new photos of Grumpy Cat's famous frown and packed with uninspiring observations, The Grumpy Guide to Life will help anyone get in touch with their inner grouch.
The Grumpy Guide to Life: Observations by Grumpy Cat
by Grumpy CatIn a world filled with inspirational know-it-alls and quotable blowhards, only one figure is indifferent enough to tell the cranky truth: Grumpy Cat. Following the success of her New York Times bestselling debut, everyone's favorite disgruntled feline is back with this demotivational guide to everyday life, love, friendship, and more. Featuring many new photos of Grumpy Cat's famous frown and packed with uninspiring observations, The Grumpy Guide to Life will help anyone get in touch with their inner grouch.<P><P> Advisory: Bookshare has learned that this book offers only partial accessibility. We have kept it in the collection because it is useful for some of our members. To explore further access options with us, please contact us through the Book Quality link on the right sidebar. Benetech is actively working on projects to improve accessibility issues such as these. This specific book does have image descriptions on the images. If you have accessible technology that can read the alt text, you will have access to that text.