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I Hate Everyone...Starting with Me
by Joan RiversNOW WITH NEW MATERIAL FOR THE PAPERBACK EDITION "How do I love thee? Let me count the ways." --Elizabeth Barrett Browning, 1850 "How do I hate thee? How much time do you have?" --Joan Rivers, today, about two-ish Joan Rivers, comedienne, actress, jewelry monger, and an award-winning international star (she can sneer in eight different languages) lives by the golden rule: Do unto others before they do unto you--and for God's sakes, do it funny! Her career in comedy may have begun with self-loathing, but, after looking at the decrepitude around her, she figured, "Why stop here when there are so many other things to hate?" With all of her experiences, Joan has looked down at, turned away from, and thrown up over a lot of hateful things, deplorable places, and despicable people. Thank God she took notes. Here--uncensored and uninhibited--Joan says exactly what's on her mind...And HER mind is a terrible thing to waste. She proudly kicks the crap out of ugly children, dating rituals, funerals, and lousy restaurants. She nails First Ladies, closet cases, and hypocrites to the wall. She shows no mercy towards doctors and feminists, and even goes after Anne Frank and Stephen Hawking. Joan lets everyone--including herself--have it in this one hundred percent honest and unabashedly hilarious love letter to the hater in all of us. This is absolute Joan Rivers. You gotta love her. Even if she hates you. Includes new material!
I Hate Everything
by Matthew DibenedettiI hate that I'm going bald. I hate that I still make fun of bald people.I hate karma.Amateur haters, step aside. Time to learn what it really means to be miserable. Because this guy hates everything. From hating the little irks that happen now and then (like the water that squirts out of the mustard bottle) to hating the unfortunate realities of today's world (like that superheroes don't exist . . . but villains do), Matthew DiBenedetti tells readers how he really feels. With such a variety of miserable musings, you'll find something to laugh at--and someone to loathe with--in this book.
I Hate Everything
by Matthew DibenedettiI hate that I'm going bald.I hate that I still make fun of bald people.I hate karma.Amateur haters, step aside. Time to learn what it really means to be miserable. Because this guy hates everything. From hating the little irks that happen now and then (like the water that squirts out of the mustard bottle) to hating the unfortunate realities of today's world (like that superheroes don't exist...but villains do), Matthew DiBenedetti tells readers how he really feels.With such a variety of miserable musings, you'll find something to laugh at-and someone to loathe with-in this book.
I Hate Everything.
by Matthew DibenedettiI hate that I'm going bald. I hate that I still make fun of bald people. I hate karma. Amateur haters, step aside. Time to learn what itreallymeans to be miserable. Because this guy hateseverything. From hating the little irks that happen now and then (like the water that squirts out of the mustard bottle) to hating the unfortunate realities of today's world (like that superheroes don't exist . . . but villains do), Matthew DiBenedetti tells readers how hereallyfeels. With such a variety of miserable musings, you'll find something to laugh at--and someone to loathe with--in this book.
I Hate Martin Amis et al.
by Peter BarryThis is a novel quite unlike any other: even the most avid reader will find it original and unforgettable. It has the power to shock, disgust, and appall at the same time that it amuses, intrigues, and evokes sympathy, even empathy, for its monstrous central character, an anti-hero whose frustration at not being able to publish a novel fuels his descent into a very real moral abyss. "I Hate Martin Amis et al." provides a unique perspective on one of the worst war crimes of the modern age: the siege of Sarajevo seen through the eyes of a would be author and sniper killing innocent civilians just so he can write a novel about his experience.
I Hate My Cats (A Love Story)
by Davide CaliGinger is the weird one. She plays with peas, purrs at artichokes, and has a strange fondness for chicken (but only the neighbor's chicken). Then there's Fred. His greatest talent? Sleeping. Oh, and hiding. And when he's not hiding, he's conspiring with Ginger to destroy the house! Such is life with cats. . . can't live with 'em, can't live without 'em—if you love them, that is. And yet the question remains: Why are these captivating creatures so marvelously maddening?! From internationally bestselling author Davide Cali, this humorous picture book about a cat owner and his beguiling felines celebrates quirky cat companions, impurrfections and all.
I Hate Myselfie
by Shane DawsonThe book that more than 12 million YouTube subscribers have been waiting for! Shane Dawson's memoir features twenty original essays--uncensored yet surprisingly sweet. Shane Dawson has always been an open book. From his first YouTube vlog back in 2008, to his feature film debut "Not Cool," to a cover story in Variety magazine, Shane has documented his life pre-tty thoroughly. We've seen awkward and adorable Q&As with his mom, weight loss center drama, love life details, and the all-important haircut reveal. We've seen his hilarious spoofs of Miley Cyrus, Paris Hilton, and Sarah Palin. His music videos are awesome. But in I Hate Myselfie!, fans will finally get a chance to see the real Shane through personal stories that are at once humorous and heartwarming, self-deprecating and totally inspiring. Highlighting key moments of his childhood and adolescence, through his phenomenal success on YouTube, and continuing on to his more recent experiences as an actor and director, Shane's memoir will feature the silliness and satire his fans already enjoy, but it will be even more in depth, more real, and more portable (it's a book).
I Hate Myselfie: A Collection of Essays by Shane Dawson
by Shane DawsonThe book that more than 12 million YouTube subscribers have been waiting for! Shane Dawson's memoir features twenty original essays--uncensored yet surprisingly sweet.From his first vlog back in 2008 to his full-length film directorial debut Not Cool, Shane Dawson has been an open book when it comes to documenting his life. But behind the music video spoofs, TMI love life details, and outrageous commentary on everything the celebrity and Internet world has the nerve to dish out is a guy who grew up in a financially challenged but loving home in Long Beach, California, and who suffered all the teasing and social limitations that arise when you're a morbidly obese kid with a pretty face, your mom is your best friend, and you can't get a date to save your life. In I Hate Myselfie, Shane steps away from his larger-than-life Internet persona and takes us deep into the experiences of an eccentric and introverted kid, who by observing the strange world around him developed a talent that would inspire millions of fans. Intelligent, hilarious, heartbreaking, and raw, I Hate Myselfie is a collection of eighteen personal essays about how messy life can get when you're growing up and how rewarding it can feel when the clean-up is (pretty much) done.
I Hate Reading: How to Read When You'd Rather Not
by Beth BaconI Hate Reading is a highly visual chapter book designed to help even the most reluctant reader breeze through reading time, feel successful at reading, and even laugh! Get reluctant readers reading with I Hate Reading!OK. So, you have to read for 20 minutes, but you don’t want to. Maybe your mom or dad or teacher even has a timer—yikes!If you have to read, but you don’t like reading, this book is for you! If someone’s bugging you to open a book, grab this one. In this book, you’ll zoom through 20 minutes of reading . . . without really reading!Did you know that 65% of 4th graders in the US read below grade level? Learning to read can be frustrating. But it can also be fun. I Hate Reading by Beth Bacon validates the experience of reluctant readers and rewards them with laughter.
I Hate Rules! #5
by Nancy Krulik John And WendyKatie Carew (nicknamed Katie Kazoo by the class bully) always wished that she could be anyone but herself. Now her wish has come true - and she keeps turning into other people! When Katie gets caught breaking the rules, first passing a note, and later with a cell phone (that isn't even her's!), she loses her recess for the day. She's had it with the school rules! When she turns into the principal, Mr. Kane, she makes a new rule - that there are no rules! Things get out of hand and Katie turns back into herself before she can fix things. The real Mr. Kane loses his job because the parents and teachers are so angry. Will Katie be able to make things right and get Mr. Kane his job back? Illustrated by John and Wendy.
I Hate This Place: The Pessimist's Guide to Life
by Jimmy Fallon Gloria FallonFrom the Grammy-nominated star of Saturday Night Live and his equally talented sister comes a hysterically cynical look at life through a glass half empty. I Hate This Place is the book for anyone who's ever tired of crossing to the sunny side of the street, looking for that elusive pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, or reading self-help books that are meant to bring peace and prosperity. Guaranteed to shatter illusions, extinguish all hope, and keep the jaded and the disgruntled laughing all the way, it is filled with such daily 'affirmations' as 'If you don't have anything nice to say, welcome to the club,' and advice like 'Knock, and the door shall be slammed in your face.' Rife with the wit and wisdom of Jimmy Fallon and his sister Gloria, this book promises to tickle the funny bone of the pessimist in everyone.
I Hate Yoga: And Why You'll Hate to Love it Too
by Paul McQuillan&“It&’s pretty humbling to have a yoga guru call out our most common mistakes. Expect lots of laughs throughout this easy read.&” —Chatelaine, &“Six Yoga Books to Brighten Your Day&” In a cathartic journey from yoga-hate to yoga-love, I Hate Yoga explores why yoga has become so controversial in Western society, all the while growing in popularity. Social media, religion, a bad boy guru, yoga competitions and other unlikely bedmates are humorously and conscientiously exposed in this thoughtful look at the world of yoga today. You&’ll find yourself shocked, tickled, and perhaps even transformed as author Paul McQuillan takes you through a maze of dissent and praise—ultimately enabling you to arrive at your own surprising and unlikely conclusion. You&’ll want to put this book down, but only to go to yoga and begin your own love/hate relationship. &“It&’s refreshing to read a book that not only unabashedly explores the problems with yoga today, but also offers up some clear solutions to those issues. The end result is that we all benefit—yogis and non-yogis alike—from a message of laugh-out-loud wisdom.&” —Measha Brueggergosman, international opera star/avid yogi &“Even if you think you have no interest in yoga, you&’re going to love this book, because it&’s about the life journey that we&’re all on! With wit and honesty and a refreshing lack of pretention, Paul McQuillan doesn&’t just tell it like it is, he tells it like it could be. Take a deep breath, open to page 1, read. It could change your life. No kidding.&” —Toronto Star
I Hate You More
by Lucy GilmoreDiscover what makes Lucy Gilmore an instant fan favorite with this unforgettably funny enemies-to-lovers romcom starring:a grumpy dog show judgea determined former beauty queenand a Golden Retriever more interested in stealing bacon than winning Best in Show.Ruby Taylor gave up pageant life the day she turned eighteen and figured she'd never look back. But when an old friend begs her to show beloved Golden Retriever Weezy at the upcoming Canine Classic, Ruby doggedly straps on her heels and gets to work.If only she knew exactly what the adorably lazy lump of a dog was getting her into.If there's one thing veterinarian Spencer Wilson knows in this world, it's dogs. Human beings are a different story. Especially gorgeous women clearly in way over their heads. As judge for the local dog show, Spencer advises Ruby to quit while she still can, but her old fervor for winning has returned—and she wants to show the stern, broody-eyed judge that she's more than just a pretty face. In the end, she'll show him who's best in show."AS APPEALING AS A PUPPY."—Publishers Weekly STARRED for Puppy Christmas
I Hate You, I Love You
by Elizabeth HayleyThere’s a fine line between love and hate. And these two can’t decide which side they’re really on. . . . Poetry professor Naomi Price is loved by her students, happily works around the clock, and has credentials no one could deny. Except, it seems, for her arch-nemesis at Hainamor University. The man never has anything polite to say, and now the two of them are competing for a prestigious honor that just so happens to come with a cash award. With every move Naomi makes to impress her colleagues, her rival is right there beside her, elbow to elbow, making it impossible to ignore how devastatingly hot he is—even if he is a total bastard. Sebastian Blake knows what Naomi thinks of him, and he’s trying hard not to care. Maybe he’s been grouchy with her in the past, but she isn’t making his life any easier with her crusade to win over the Personnel Committee and earn an honor that is rightfully his. Naomi just doesn’t quit, and though he’d never admit it, there’s something sexy about her. Something that has him tied up in knots. Something that makes him want to move beyond his painful past and take a chance—at least for as long as it takes to kiss her silly and see what happens next.Warning: Intense bickering leads to intense sexual chemistry! This ebook includes an excerpt from another Loveswept title.Advance praise for I Hate You, I Love You“With smart, plucky heroines and the swoon-worthy men who fall for them, Elizabeth Hayley never disappoints!”—#1 New York Times bestselling author Meredith Wild “Every time I open an Elizabeth Hayley book, it’s a moment of excitement. I know I’m going to get every important feel on my list—sighs, swoons, laughter, love—in a tale I won’t be able to put down. Smart, sexy, bold, and brilliant—Elizabeth Hayley brings it all to the page! I worship their mad storytelling skills!”—USA Today bestselling author Angel Payne
I Hate Your Guts
by Jim NortonWhen New York Times bestselling author and comedian Jim Norton isn't paying for massages with happy endings, or pretending to be fooled by transsexuals he picks up, he spends his time wondering what certain people would look like on fire... What do Heather Mills, the Reverend Al Sharpton, and Dr. Phil have in common? Jim Norton hates their guts. And he probably hates yours, too, especially if you're a New York Yankee, Starbucks employee, or Steve Martin. In thirty-five hilarious essays, New York Times bestselling author and comedian Jim Norton spews bile on the people he loathes. Enjoy his blistering attacks on Derek Jeter, Hillary Clinton, fatso Al Roker, and mush-mouthed Jesse Jackson. It's utterly hilarious -- and utterly relatable if you've ever bitten a stranger's face or thrown a bottle through the TV screen while watching the news. But don't think Jim just dishes loads of shit on his self-proclaimed enemies; he is equally atrocious to himself. He savages himself for his humiliating days as a white homeboy, his balletlike spins in the outfield during a little league game, and his embarrassingly botched attempt at a celebrity shout-out while taping his new HBO stand-up series. Uncomfortably honest, I Hate Your Guts is probably the best example of emotional vomiting you'll ever read. But there is hope; at the end of each essay, Jim generously offers helpful suggestions as to how the offender can make things right again: Eliot Spitzer: If you run for re-election, instead of shaking hands with voters, let them smell your fingers. Reverend Al Sharpton: The next time you feel the need to protest, do so dressed as an elk in Ted Nugent's backyard. Hillary Clinton: When you absolutely must make a point of laughing publicly, don't fake it. Just think of something that genuinely makes you laugh, like lowering taxes or any random male having his penis cut off. For the legions of devoted fans who know Jim Norton for his raw, sometimes brutal comedy, I Hate Your Guts is what you've been waiting for. But even more important -- it's a great book to read while taking a shit.
I Hate to Complain, But...
by Jim FosterIt is rare that one can pick up a book and find all the answers to the problems of Life. Yet in this one book, we find these answers, and learn a few more things that will keep us up at night. What really happened when Mike Harris woke up after emergency surgery in a hospital still smarting from budget cuts? Why did Linda Tripp turn on Bill Clinton? How many people knew that after the Manhattan Project, the world’s leading scientists gathered at Jane Russell’s house to devise the strapless bra?This is a book for everyone: it’s an exercise program for the not-too-ambitious senior, a step-by-step guide for the teenage lad on his first date, an advice column for the young spinster who, at the ripe old age of 22, is still trying to find a first-class man.We listen in as two American broadcasters cover the Olympic Games as only Americans can.We learn that even the big guns at the TSE were unaware of the biggest corporate takeover in history when S Claus Corp seized control of its philanthropic rival, EasterBunCo.Yet, for all its humour, the book still brings us close to tears as the author reveals the tragedy of his thirty-year love affair with Sophia Loren.If Shakespeare were alive today, he would read this book?
I Have a Bad Feeling About This
by Jeff StrandWilderness Survival Tip #1 Drinking your own sweat will not save your life. Somebody might have told you that, but they were trying to find out if you'd really do it. Henry Lambert would rather play video games than spend time in the great outdoors--but that doesn't make him a wuss. Skinny nerd? Fine. But wuss is a little harsh. Sadly, his dad doesn't agree. Which is why Henry is being shipped off to Strongwoods Survival Camp. Strongwoods isn't exactly as advertised. It looks like the victim of a zombie apocalypse, the "camp director" is a psycho drill sergeant, and Henry's sure he saw a sign written in blood... Wilderness Survival Tip #2 In case of an avalanche, don't despair. You're doomed, but that's a wicked cool death. Wilderness Survival Tip #3 If you're relying on this book for actual survival tips, you're dead already. Praise for Jeff Strand's A Bad Day For Voodoo: "A delightfully ludicrous read."--School Library Journal "Just the thing for teen wiseacres."--Booklist "[A] free-wheeling dark comedy that starts off running and doesn't stop until all plausibility is exhausted. Sam Raimi fans should eat it up."--Publishers Weekly
I Haven't Understood Anything since 1962 and Other Nekkid Truths
by Lewis GrizzardThere is much that puzzles Grizzard: the computer, the speech police, politics, crime, lack of patriotism... With wit and wisdom, he lets us in on his confusion. Other books by Lewis Grizzard are available in this library.
I Haven’t Been Entirely Honest with You: From bestselling author and the nation's favourite comedian
by Miranda HartPacked with hard-won wisdoms and gentle truths, this is Miranda’s honest exploration of the lessons she has learned on her journey from illness to recovery'A bombshell, moving, inspirational. Hart passes on the tips that helped her emerge from psychological as much as physical doldrums. No comedian, female or male, has been so taken to the nation’s bosom since Victoria Wood' Independent'Irrepressible and joyous. Taking us affectionately by the hand, Miranda takes us through her ten-year journey to deep self-knowledge' Daily Mail‘A wonderful book, filled with treasure’ Julia Samuel'A raw and poignant account. Miranda is more of an everywoman than ever before' The Times'Miranda's account of slowly letting her guard down and being vulnerable is sweet and moving, and proof that happiness is possible even in the most trying times' Guardian----Hello to you, I am with news. I have a new book: I Haven’t Been Entirely Honest With You. I know – what an intriguing title!Basically, I have had an unexpectedly difficult decade – there have been surprising joys, but also deep revelations and challenging lows. I shall be honest about those, because what I discovered in the difficult times were my, what I call, treasures.Treasures – practical tools, values, ways, answers researched from some great scientists, neuroscientists, therapists, sociologists (all the ‘ists’) out there, that have genuinely led to a sense of freedom, joy, peace and physical recovery I never would have thought possible.Life now, amazingly, with what I will share, is – SUCH FUN! (always important to quote your own catch phrases. . .) If you fancy having a read, then I hope my story might help your story. After all, we are in this beautiful, mysterious, challenging life together. Rest assured there are funny stories along the way – we will have a laugh too, my dear reader chum.Oh, and I couldn’t possibly say if there is a love story in it . . . (There is – shush). Exciting.----Sunday Times bestseller, October 2024
I Hear You're Rich
by Diane WilliamsDiane Williams, &“godmother of flash fiction&” (The Paris Review), returns with 33 short, brilliant stories.In Williams&’ stories, life is newly alive and dangerous; whether she is writing about an affair, a request for money, an afternoon in a garden, or the simple act of carrying a cake from one room to the next, she offers us beautiful and unsettling new ways of seeing everyday life. In perfectly honed sentences, with a sly and occasionally wild wit, Williams shows us how any moment of any day can open onto disappointment, pleasure, and possibility.
I Hear a Pickle: and Smell, See, Touch, & Taste It, Too!
by Rachel Isadora* &“Isadora&’s book about the five senses is aimed perfectly at another sense—kids&’ sense of humor.&”—The Horn Book, starred reviewCaldecott Honor winner Rachel Isadora&’s sweet and simple introduction to the five senses is perfect for the youngest children, who will recognize themselves in charming vignettes portraying a wide range of childhood activities. Hearing, smelling, seeing, touching, tasting--our five senses allow us to experience the world in so many ways! With our ears we hear the birds sing; with our nose we smell the stinky cheese; with our eyes we see the moon and stars (and sometimes glasses help us see even better!); with our skin we feel the rain (and learn not to touch the hot stove!); and with our tongue we can taste our favorite foods. Isadora&’s lively art reveals the power and delight of each sense.
I Heart Jennifer Coolidge: A Celebration of Your Favorite Pop Culture Icon
by Lauren Emily WhalenAn adoring, celebratory tribute to the one, the only, Jennifer Coolidge, that all-at-once captures her unique personality, engaging life story, smart and sassy life lessons, and special brand of humor that's quickly made JC one of America's most beloved stars and pop culture icons. Whether we remember Jennifer Coolidge as the hilariously ditzy manicurist Paulette Bonafonté in Legally Blonde, as the seductress Stifler&’s Mom from American Pie, or as the totally unaware and fragile basket case Tanya McQuoid in The White Lotus, these scene-stealing performances have shown her many dimensions as a comic actor and her craft is palpable—Jennifer has finally reached the pop culture stardom she so rightly deserves. To say the comedy legend is having a comeback would be an understatement. Jennifer has been well known to her fans for decades since her performances in American Pie, Legally Blonde, and numerous appearances in Christopher Guest mockumentaries (Best in Show, A Mighty Wind), but it was her recent roles in The White Lotus and The Watcher that made people stand up and take notice of this hilarious actor and all-around amazing talent. Her fearless and entertaining characters have earned her an Emmy, a Golden Globe, and a Critics' Choice Award, and she has been lovingly parodied by Chloe Fineman in two SNL sketches.I Heart Jennifer Coolidge is a loving tribute to an incredible icon that recounts Jennifer&’s engaging life story, her numerous roles, guest star appearances, small screen success stories, and, of course, sage wisdom and sassy advice we can all learn from this iconic actor. It&’s a lively, illustrated love letter to JC that&’s part biography, part words of wisdom, part life lessons, that highlights this national treasure with confidence, personality, and all the humor.
I Heart My Little A-Holes: A Bunch of Holy-Crap Moments No One Ever Told You About Parenting
by Karen Alpert“Crass, inappropriate, and absolutely hysterical. In other words, absolutely everything you could want in a parenting book and more.” —Jill Smokler, New York Times–bestselling authorFollowing the success of Go the F**k to Sleep, Confessions of a Scary Mommy, and Ketchup Is a Vegetable, a collection of funny, warm, and charmingly profane tales from the frontlines of parenthood by the author of the popular Baby Sideburns blog.Once upon a time you and your partner had a perfect life: dinners out, weekend mornings cuddling in bed, brunch with friends. Then you gave birth to a poop machine (or two). Now, it’s all about the pediatrician, breast pumps, princess dresses, and minivans. And discovering that your pride and joy is actually a little A-hole.When your son wakes you up at 3:00 A.M. because he wants to watch Caillou, he’s an a-hole. When your daughter outlines every corner of your living room with a purple crayon, she’s an a-hole. When your rug rats purposely paint the kitchen ceiling with their smoothies, they’re a-holes. At times like these, it’s only natural to want to kill them (or yourself). But it’s against the law (and there’s the suicide hotline). Plus, there’s that whole loving them more than anything in the whole world thing.In I Heart My Little A-Holes, Karen Alpert shares hilarious stories, lists, and deep thoughts on the joys and horrors of raising children. Accompanied by cheery illustrations and photos I Heart My Little A-Holes will make you laugh so hard you’ll wish you were wearing a diaper.
I Heart Oklahoma!
by Roy ScrantonRoy Scranton, controversial and critically-acclaimed, brings us a formally daring road trip into the heart of present-day America.Suzie’s seen it all, but now she’s looking for something she lost: a sense of the future. So when the chance comes to work with a maverick video artist on his road movie about Donald Trump’s America, she’s pretty sure it’s a bad idea but she signs up anyway, hoping for an outside shot at starting over. A provocative, genderqueer, shapeshifting musical romp through the brain-eating nightmare of contemporary America, I Heart Oklahoma! is a book about art, guns, cars, American landscapes, and American history. This kaleidoscopic novel moves from our bleeding-edge present to a furious Faulknerian retelling of the Charlie Starkweather killings in the 1950s, capturing in its fragmented, mesmerizing form the violence at the heart of the American dream.
I Hope There's Pie
by Tony EndelmanTony Endelman is not a rockstar, an athlete, an actor, or a hero of any kind. He's a twenty-something guy, living in the Midwest, stumbling through life like many of us do and hoping to learn something along the way. I Hope There's Pie is a collection of eleven personal essays in which Endelman recounts experiences with family, friendship, depression, failure, work, sex, and drugs - and does so with such affecting honesty and utter hilarity that, by the last page, it's impossible not to feel like you've been hanging out with him for years. With a knack for turning the seemingly mundane into the vastly amusing, Tony Endelman just might be one of the next great comedic voices.