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I'll Have What She's Having: My Adventures in Celebrity Dieting
by Rebecca HarringtonRebecca Harrington leaves no cabbage soup unstirred in I'll Have What She's Having, her wickedly funny, wildly absurd quest to diet like the stars. Elizabeth Taylor mixed cottage cheese and sour cream; Madonna subsisted on 'sea vegetables' and Marilyn Monroe drank raw eggs whipped with warm milk. Where there is a Hollywood starlet offering nutritional advice, there is a diet Rebecca Harrington is willing to try. Facing a harrowing mix of fainting spells, pimples and salmonella, Harrington tracks down illegal haggis to imitate Pippa Middleton, paces her apartment until the wee hours drinking ten Diet Cokes à la Karl Lagerfeld, and attempts something forbiddingly known as the 'Salt Water Flush' to channel her inner Beyoncé. Rebecca Harrington risks kitchen fires and mysterious face rashes, all in the name of diet journalism. Taking cues from noted beauty icons like Posh Spice (alkaline!), Sophia Loren (pasta!) and Cameron Diaz (savory oatmeal!), I'll Have What She's Having is completely surprising, occasionally unappetising, and always outrageously funny.
I'll Just Be Five More Minutes: And Other Tales from My ADHD Brain
by Emily FarrisA hilariously-honest, heartwarming essay collection about life, love, and discovering you have ADHD at age 35 Despite being a published writer with a family, a gaggle of internet fans, and (most shockingly) a mortgage, Emily Farris could never get her sh*t together. As she saw it, disorganization was one of her countless character flaws—that is until she was diagnosed with ADHD at age 35. Like many girls who go undiagnosed, Emily grew up internalizing criticisms about her impulsivity and lack of follow-through. She held onto that shame as she tried (and often failed) to fit into a world designed for neurotypical brains. I'll Just Be Five More Minutes is a personal essay collection of laugh-out-loud-funny, tear-jerking, and at times cringey true stories of Emily's experiences as a neurodivergent woman. With the newfound knowledge of her ADHD, Emily candidly reexamines her complicated relationships (including one with a celebrity stalker), her money problems, the years she spent unknowingly self-medicating, and her hyperfixations (two words: decorative baskets). A memoir-in-essays both entertaining and enlightening, I'll Just Be Five More Minutes is for people with ADHD, as well as those who know and love them. This is a powerful collection of deeply relatable, wide-ranging stories about a woman's right to control her own body, about overwhelm and oversharing, about drinking too much and sleeping too little, and about being misunderstood by the people closest to you. At its heart, I&’ll Just Be Five More Minutes is about not quite fitting in and not really understanding why—something we&’ve all felt whether we're neurodivergent or not.
I'll Mature When I'm Dead: Dave Barry's Amazing Tales of Adulthood
by Dave BarryThe New York Times bestse;;er from "the funniest man in America" (New York Times). Not everyone has to be dragged kicking and screaming through adulthood. Let Pulitzer Prizewinning humorist and nationally unrecognized voice of maturity Dave Barry make the journey a little easier-and a lot funnier-with his hilarious takes on parenting, changing self-image, the battle of the sexes, technology, health care, celebrityhood-and even vampires!
I'll Miss You This Christmas: A life-affirming and uplifting Christmas romance
by Lucy MitchellAs the holidays draw near, she&’s missing him—again and again. . . . &“[Mitchell&’s] writing is deliciously funny and has so much heart.&” —Sandy Barker, author of One Summer in Santorini Emily feels like her life&’s been shattered into tiny pieces and glued back together the wrong way. With her heart still aching after her sister&’s sudden death, Emily has stepped up to care for her nine-year-old nephew, Felix. Trying to do the right thing, she also ended her two-year relationship with Rory, who wasn&’t ready to settle down, so she could focus on Felix. But when she takes Felix into London to see the Christmas displays, he wanders off and the two of them wind up on a train to Leeds . . . where Rory just happens to live. The long ride will give her time to reflect on whether she made a mistake letting Rory go. But as Rory embarks on his own journey at the same time, will the three of them manage to cross paths in time for Christmas?
I'll Seize The Day Tomorrow (US Edition)
by Jonathan GoldsteinI’ll Seize the Day Tomorrow is the story of Jonathan Goldstein’s journey to find some great truth on his road to forty.<P><P> In a series of wonderfully funny stories the host of CBC’s WireTap recounts the highs and lows of his last year in his thirties. Throughout the year Goldstein asks weighty questions that would stump a person less seasoned. For example: What is it about a McRib that drives people crazy? Can we replace extending an olive leaf with extending an olive jar? How much wisdom can we glean from episodes of Welcome Back Kotter? His friends and family many of them known through their appearances on WireTap weigh in with hilarious results as Goldstein eats sleeps and watches bad TV all the way to his date with destiny.
I'll Seize the Day Tomorrow
by Jonathan GoldsteinJonathan Goldstein worries. A lot. A year before his fortieth birthday, and Jonathan isn’t where he thinks he should be. With no wife, no kids, no car, and no house—not even a houseboat—what does he have? Through a series of wonderfully funny stories, Jonathan recounts the highs and lows of his last year in his thirties, weighing in on topics such as the mysterious McRib, whether an automatic hand dryer can tell if you have a soul, and the underestimated power of a toy poodle. Filled with Jonathan’s trademark wit, I’ll Seize the Day Tomorrow is the tale of one man’s journey to find some great truth on his road to forty . . . or maybe not. .
I'll Show Myself Out: Essays on Midlife and Motherhood
by Jessi KleinThe eagerly anticipated second essay collection from Jessi Klein, author of the acclaimed New York Times bestselling debut You’ll Grow Out of It.“ <p><p>Sometimes I think about how much bad news there is to tell my kid, the endlessly long, looping CVS receipt scroll of truly terrible things that have happened, and I want to get under the bed and never come out. How do we tell them about all this? Can we just play Billy Joel’s We Didn’t Start the Fire and then brace for questions? The first of which should be, how is this a song that played on the radio?” <p><p>In New York Times bestselling author and Emmy Award-winning writer and producer Jessi Klein’s second collection, she hilariously explodes the cultural myths and impossible expectations around motherhood and explore the humiliations, poignancies, and possibilities of midlife. In interconnected essays like “Listening to Beyoncé in the Parking Lot of Party City,” “Your Husband Will Remarry Five Minutes After You Die,” “Eulogy for My Feet,” and “An Open Love Letter to Nate Berkus and Jeremiah Brent,” Klein explores this stage of life in all its cruel ironies, joyous moments, and bittersweetness. <p><p>Written with Klein’s signature candor and humanity, I'll Show Myself Out is an incisive, moving, and often uproarious collection. <p> <b>New York Times Bestseller</b>
I'll Wait, Mr Panda (Mr Panda #2)
by Steve AntonyA hilarious Mr Panda picture book about learning to be patient. Something young children can often struggle with!Mr Panda is making a delicious surprise. What could it be? The animals must wait and see. One by one Mr Panda's friends get bored and give up. All except one little penguin... Will his patience be rewarded?"This deliciously droll Panda and his gigantic doughnut will have you shouting for seconds." WRDLook out for more books starring the grumpy (but loveable!) Mr Panda. Over half a million copies sold to date!Thank You Mr PandaPlease Mr PandaGoodnight Mr PandaMr Panda's ColoursMr Panda's Feelings
I'm A Frog!
by Mo WillemsMeet Elephant Gerald and Piggie, winners of two Theodor Seuss Geisel Medals and recipients of three Geisel Honors! Gerald is careful. Piggie is not. Piggie cannot help smiling. Gerald can. Gerald worries so that Piggie does not have to. Gerald and Piggie are best friends. In I'm a Frog! Piggie has some ribbiting news! Can Gerald make the leap required to accept Piggie's new identity?
I'm A Stranger Here Myself: Notes on Returning to America After 20 Years Away (Thorndike/g. K. Hall Paperback Bestsellers Ser.)
by Bill BrysonAfter living in Britain for two decades, Bill Bryson recently moved back to the United States with his English wife and four children (he had read somewhere that nearly 3 million Americans believed they had been abducted by aliens--as he later put it, "it was clear my people needed me"). They were greeted by a new and improved America that boasts microwave pancakes, twenty-four-hour dental-floss hotlines, and the staunch conviction that ice is not a luxury item. Delivering the brilliant comic musings that are a Bryson hallmark, I'm a Stranger Here Myself recounts his sometimes disconcerting reunion with the land of his birth. The result is a book filled with hysterical scenes of one man's attempt to reacquaint himself with his own country, but it is also an extended if at times bemused love letter to the homeland he has returned to after twenty years away.
I'm Actually Amazing: The fresh, funny debut novel you’ll be talking about for days
by Anoushka Warden"Genuinely new, bold and fascinating" - Deborah Frances-White, author of The Guilty Feminist"Laugh-out-loud funny, brutally honest" - Lisa Hall, author of Between You and Me"Raw, funny, visceral and heartbreaking" - Cressida McLaughlin, author of The Staycation"A narrator you'll fall in love with" - Holly Williams, author of What Time is Love?Maybe fannies and long-term love just don't work well together . . .Hers used to work perfectly. It found her fingerings, orgasms and love. But now, as she moves into her thirties completely committed to Serious Boyfriend Number Three...It can't get wet.It hurts.It might be broken.Surely there must be some way to get it going again?Setting off on a desperate quest to fix her fanny, there's no limit to what she'll try. But nothing seems to be working...What becomes of happily-ever-after for a woman who can't stand sex with the best guy ever?I'm F*cking Amazing is a hilariously frank, sharp and relatable tale of love, sex, pain and self-determination from a brilliant new voice in fiction, Anoushka Warden
I'm Afraid You've Got Dragons
by Peter S. BeagleA USA TODAY bestseller From the New York Times bestselling author of The Last Unicorn comes a new novel with equal amounts of power and whimsy in which a loveable cast of characters trapped within their roles of dragon hunter, princess, and more must come together to take their fates into their own hands.Dragons are common in the backwater kingdom of Bellemontagne, coming in sizes from mouse-like vermin all the way up to castle-smashing monsters. Gaius Aurelius Constantine Heliogabalus Thrax (who would much rather people call him Robert) has recently inherited his deceased dad&’s job as a dragon catcher/exterminator, a career he detests with all his heart in part because he likes dragons, feeling a kinship with them, but mainly because his dream has always been the impossible one of transcending his humble origin to someday become a prince&’s valet. Needless to say, fate has something rather different in mind…
I'm Awake!
by Maxwell EatonA hilarious must-read for kids who like to get up in the wee hours of the morning and for parents who long to sleep in, perfect for fans of Goodnight Already! Both children and adults will relate to this send-up of early risers and the parents who—yawn!—love them. Kids love to get up early—really early, before the sun is up early, before the newspaper is delivered early. Parents don&’t love getting up quite so early. But that doesn&’t stop this energetic, young hamster from trying to wake up Dad at the crack of dawn. Maybe Dad can figure out a way to get his child to sleep in?"Sure to gather fans in its wake."--Kirkus Reviews"Eaton&’s drawings have as much energy as his young hero, and the divide between the protagonist&’s innocence and the chaos he leaves in his wake creates comedy that kids and adults can appreciate equally."--Publishers Weekly"Preschoolers and parents alike will relate to this humorous story of an energetic little one trying to wake his sleepy father."--School Library Journal
I'm Awesome: One Man's Triumphant Quest to Become the Sweetest Dude Ever
by Jason Ellis Mike TullyJason Ellis does it all. And he has excelled at everything he sets his mind to: X Games skateboarding, satellite radio, professional mixed martial arts, boxing, moto, truck racing, TV, and movies. Now he shares his jaw-dropping and inspirational life story—from the depths of addiction to the joys and ordeals of radio, fatherhood, and professional fighting—in his uncensored no-holds-barred style.Jason was raised in the suburbs of Melbourne, Australia, and his early years were split between an alcoholic mother—who was only sixteen when he was born—and a father whose violent and unpredictable behavior taught Jason to be hard, tough, and fearless.Before he owned the radio waves, Jason competed for twenty years alongside action-sports legends and friends like Tony Hawk. Jason was known for going bigger and harder than anyone else—both on and off the ramp. His passion to become the best at skateboarding was exceeded only by his all-night partying and relentless pursuit of sex. After surviving a failed marriage and struggling with a rampant drug problem, all while heading toward the end of his skateboarding career, tragedy struck . . . twice. His father died of a heart attack, and a year later his younger brother died in an accident near the family's vacation home. His brother's death made Jason realize he had had enough. He quit booze and drugs, married his girlfriend, and threw his energy into being a good father. Having squandered his shot at greatness in skateboarding, he resolved to make the most of his second chance in radio.Jason has always been a daredevil, harnessing his unique ability to endure pain to achieve what few others could, first on the skate ramp and now on the airwaves. Using this fierce determination to let nothing stop him from reaching his goals, he became the new voice of action sports in America. His story is raw, and sometimes unbelievable, but it's always true. And it proves, once again, that Jason Ellis is a fighter through and through.
I'm Back for More Cash: A Tony Kornheiser Collection (Because You Can't Take Two Hundred Newspapers into the Bathroom)
by Tony KornheiserI think it's really cool to be on a jury. Take the O.J. jury--the people on that jury got book deals, and they got on Nightline, and some of them even got to meet Greta Van Susteren! They were always being written about in the newspapers: "Juror No. 1, a thirty-six-year-old Caucasian male with a master's degree who works for a high-tech corporation." Throw in a line about how "he likes to hunt and fish," and you've got The Dating Game.I wonder what they'd write about me. "Juror No. 4, a fat, bald, old, whiny Caucasian man who dresses like a vagrant and has complained incessantly about the texture of the toilet paper in the jury lavatory." I try to diet, but unfortunately I've come to the point in life where nearly everything disgusts or disappoints me except food. And so I eat all day long. If I had a family crest, at this point it would be a man with a chicken breast in one hand, a cheeseburger in the other, and a garland of sour-cream-and-onion potato chips around his head. Tony Kornheiser is back. The celebrated Washington Post columnist and ESPN radio and TV personality relates his experience as an OnStar user, a proud new owner of the Ronco Showtime Rotisserie & BBQ, and a "phone-a-friend" on Who Wants to Be a Millionaire. And in between, he dishes out political commentary on Monica and Bill and Al and George W. Read all about his quest to fit into size 36 Dockers and his struggle to buy holiday gifts. And know that in the process you're handing this Kornheiser guy the dough for these columns twice. I got into the stock market late. I was deep in my forties and I still had all my money in the bank, earning 2 percent, like it was low-fat milk. My friends laughed at me. Even the people at the bank laughed at me--they had all their money in the market. So I gave my money to a financial adviser, who promised me he would get me a greater return than the bank. A baboon could do that, Tony. Yes, but would a baboon give me steak knives?--from I'm Back for More Cash.
I'm Chevy Chase ... and You're Not: The Authorized Biography
by Rena FruchterChevy Chase is a much-loved Hollywood star. His success as a writer and actor on Saturday Night Live in the 70s made him a household name. It had been a long, hard route to the top for Chevy. Behind the fame lay a childhood riddled with abuse. But his remarkable strength and determination helped him rise above it and find his talent as an actor, writer, comedian, and musician. Best known for his role in the National Lampoon Vacation series Chevy has starred in some of the greatest comedies of our time. His latest film, Funny Money, received critical acclaim at the Sarasota Film Festival.Now, for the first time, Chevy speaks openly and candidly about his career, his personal struggle with drugs, his friendship with three American Presidents, and his family life. Honest, funny and informative, this is the complex and fascinating world of Chevy Chase.
I'm Dreaming of a Black Christmas
by Lewis BlackFrom Lewis Black, the uproarious and perpetually apoplectic New York Times-bestselling author and Daily Show regular, comes a ferociously funny book about his least favorite holiday, Christmas. Christmas is supposed to be a time of peace on earth and goodwill toward all. But not for Lewis Black. He says humbug to the Christmas traditions and trappings that make the holiday memorable. In I'm Dreaming of a Black Christmas, his hilarious and sharply observed book about the holiday, Lewis lets loose on all things Yule. It's a very personal look at what's wrong with Christmas, seen through the eyes of "the most engagingly pissed-off comedian ever. " Contains profanity
I'm Dreaming of a Black Christmas
by Lewis BlackFrom Lewis Black, the uproarious and perpetually apoplectic New York Times-bestselling author and Daily Show regular, comes a ferociously funny book about his least favorite holiday, Christmas. Christmas is supposed to be a time of peace on earth and goodwill toward all. But not for Lewis Black. He says humbug to the Christmas tradtitions and trappings that make the holiday memorable. In I'm Dreaming of a Black Christmas, his hilarious and sharply observed book about the holiday, Lewis lets loose on all things Yule. It's a very personal look at what's wrong with Christmas, seen through the eyes of "the most engagingly pissed-off comedian ever. "* From his own Christmas rituals-which have absolutely nothing to do with presents or the Christmas tree or Rudolph-to his own eccentric experiences with the holiday (from a USO Christmas tour to playing Santa Claus in full regalia), I'm Dreaming of a Black Christmas is classic Lewis Black: funny, razor-sharp, insightful, and honest. You'll never think of Christmas in the same way. *Stephen King .
I'm Dreaming of a Chris for Christmas: A Holiday Hollywood Hunk Coloring and Activity Book
by Robb PearlmanBaby, it's Hot Inside! Filled with PG-rated holiday-themed line drawings of the most notable celebrity Chrises from the worlds of Hollywood, music, and sports, including Hemsworth, Evans, Pine, Pratt, Rock, Rinaldi, Jericho, and even Noth, Walken and Waltz, and maybe even a Kris Kringle or two, all of whom are illustrated in-and-out of a variety of holiday-themed outfits and situations, this ode to boy—uh, I mean joy—also features enough holiday-themed mazes, fill-in-the-blanks, crossword puzzles, games, cryptograms, and full lyrics to traditional holiday songs to make your days merry and bright (and your nights a little less silent). Grownups will be delighted to use crayons, pencils, or even the coal they receive to draw in Chris Evans&’ yule log, add some silver bells to Chris Pine&’s Ugly Christmas sweater, throw some shade on Chris Hemsworth&’s winter pelt, or add an icy sheen to Christopher Walken-in-a-Winter Wonderland. The perfect gift for anyone—be they naughty or nice—or to stuff your own stocking, I'm Dreaming of a Chris for Christmas is sure to inspire everyone from the most serious of Scrooges to the most ho ho hos.
I'm Dying Up Here: Heartbreak and High Times in Stand-Up Comedy's Golden Era
by William KnoedelsederIn the mid-1970s, Jay Leno, David Letterman, Andy Kaufman, Richard Lewis, Robin Williams, Elayne Boosler, Tom Dreesen, and several hundred other shameless showoffs and incorrigible cutups from all across the country migrated en masse to Los Angeles, the new home of Johnny CarsonOCOs "Tonight Show. " There, in a late-night world of sex, drugs, dreams and laughter, they created an artistic community unlike any before or since. It was Comedy Camelot?but it couldnOCOt last. William Knoedelseder, then a cub reporter covering the scene for the "Los Angeles Times," was there when the comedians?who were not paid for performing?tried to change the system and incidentally tore apart their own close-knit community. In "IOCOm Dying Up Here" he tells the whole story of that golden age, of the strike that ended it, and of how those days still resonate in the lives of those who were there.
I'm F*cking Amazing: A Novel
by Anoushka WardenWhat becomes of happily-ever-after for a woman who can&’t stand sex with the best guy ever?Her body used to work perfectly. For years, she tallied her orgasms, maintained a Top Humps list, and rated men on whether they excited her more mentally or physically—all with the purpose of finding the ideal love match. Now, as she moves into her thirties and is settled down with Serious Boyfriend Number Three, she&’s run into a problem. Sex hurts.She can&’t get wet.Her vagina, which has never led her astray before, suddenly seems like it might be broken.Surely there must be some way to make sex work for her again? From doctors to drugs to completely unorthodox remedies, she embarks on a journey of desperation and self-discovery. She&’ll try anything to fix it, but maybe desire and long-term love just don&’t go together.Sexually frank, wildly funny, psychologically raw, I&’m F*cking Amazing marks the fiction debut of a red-hot talent, perfect for fans of Fleabag, Caitlin Moran, and Miranda July.
I'm F*cking Amazing: The shocking, fresh, funny debut novel you’ll be talking about for days
by Anoushka Warden"Genuinely new, bold and fascinating. Anoushka Warden is a true talent." - Deborah Frances-White, author of The Guilty FeministMaybe fannies and long-term love just don't work well together . . .Hers used to work perfectly. It found her fingerings, orgasms and love. But now, as she moves into her thirties completely committed to Serious Boyfriend Number Three...It can't get wet.It hurts.It might be broken.Surely there must be some way to get it going again?Setting off on a desperate quest to fix her fanny, there's no limit to what she'll try. But nothing seems to be working...What becomes of happily-ever-after for a woman who can't stand sex with the best guy ever?I'm F*cking Amazing is a hilariously frank, sharp and relatable tale of love, sex, pain and self-determination from a brilliant new voice in fiction, Anoushka Warden
I'm Fine...And Other Lies
by Whitney Cummings“Whitney Cummings has written a book about being, well, not fine—and what to do when you find yourself with brutal anxiety and a co-dependency disorder; all in her trademark wit, humor, and honesty. This book, however, is fine as hell.”—Sophia Amoruso, author of #Girlboss“The funniest cry for help you'll read this year.”—BJ NovakWell, well, well. Look at you, ogling my book page....I presume if you’re reading this it means you either need more encouragement to buy it or we used to date and you’re trying to figure out if you should sue me or not. Here are all the stories and mistakes I’ve made that were way too embarrassing to tell on stage in front of an actual audience; but thanks to not-so-modern technology, you can read about them here so I don’t have to risk having your judgmental eye contact crush my self-esteem. This book contains some delicious schadenfreude in which I recall such humiliating debacles as breaking my shoulder while trying to impress a guy, coming very close to spending my life in a Guatemalan prison, and having my lacerated ear sewn back on by a deaf guy after losing it in a torrid love affair. In addition to hoarding mortifying situations that’ll make you feel way better about your choices, I’ve also accumulated a lot of knowledge from therapists, psychotherapists, and psychopaths, which can probably help you avoid making the same mistakes I’ve made. Think of this book as everything you’d want from the Internet all in one place, except without the constant distractions of ads, online shopping, and porn. I’m not sure what else to say to say, except that you should buy it if you want to laugh and learn how to stop being crazy. And if we used to date, see you in court.
I'm Free, I'm Free, I'm Free: A Semiserious Guide to Early Housekeeping, or Things You Wouldn't Let Your Family Tell You
by Janet MccartIf you've just graduated, or if you haven't--if you're going to advanced school, or if you aren't--if you're setting things in motion to strike out on your own--or if you blew the first or second go at liberty and having your own living space--you're in the right place. If you are serious about rules and guidelines and closets and all the details, go see Martha. If you'd prefer some easy-going, mildly cynical guidance, I'm Free, I'm Free, I'm Free: Now What? is for you. Align the Law of 'what goes up must come down' with the Golden Rule. Now add beds, moving, bills, friends, food poisoning, cleaning, toilets, money, rentals, baseline manners, and roommates, and you have a pretty good idea where we're going here. The bottom line of I'm Free, I'm Free, I'm Free: Now What? is to help you become sort-of informed so that you decide, and whatever happens, it's your fault.
I'm Getting a Shark!
by Brady SmithThe fabulous, funny story of a shark-obsessed child who's convinced she's getting a pet shark for her birthday.Meet a little girl who is the biggest shark superfan around! And when she overhears her parents utter the word "shark" while discussing her birthday, her imagination is off and running! She can't wait to be surprised by the pet shark she just KNOWS is coming her way . . . but what kind will it be? As she lists all the possibilities, her disbelieving pooch, Ralphie, tries to set her straight. But she's not paying attention--instead, she is getting more and more excited by the beauty and variety of these awesome creatures. Finally, when her birthday rolls around, she gets a different kind of surprise--a wild shark adopted in her name. She's disappointed at first--but ultimately is proud to play a role in helping protect the creatures she loves so dearly (and is finally listening to Ralphie--who sure knows a lot about sharks for a dog!).