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I'm Not Gonna Lie: And Other Lies You Tell When You Turn 50
by George LopezFrom one of the most celebrated and beloved comedians and actors of our time, George Lopez, comes this hilarious, touching, and often wacky chronicle of life after fifty. George Lopez just hit the half-century mark and the reset button on his life. Newly single and ready to embrace life, George was excited to turn fifty. It would be a welcome new phase in his life, a chance to say goodbye to a decade that included a kidney transplant and a divorce. But when he looked around a room full of his childhood friends, all gathered to celebrate his birthday, many now bald or overweight, it suddenly hit him that he was old. What happened? And more importantly, what was he going to do about it? George learns the hard way that when you turn 50, everything changes. You pull a muscle in your sleep. You avoid mirrors at all costs, and always, always wear a robe. You have to schedule an appointment to have sex. You have to dye your hair and buy a bathtub with a door. As George learns to embrace life after fifty, he invites readers into his world, sharing the ups and downs of getting older-from his relationship with a much younger woman to a bizarre session with a pet psychic, to a trip behind-the-scenes at his tumultuous two years at Lopez Tonight, to an intimate look at his sacred ground, the golf course-and, for the first time, he reveals in moving detail, the story of the battle for his life against kidney disease. I’m Not Gonna Lie will make you laugh at yourself, cry about yourself, and look at turning fifty in a way you never would’ve imagined-through the eyes of George Lopez. .
I'm Not Hanging Noodles on Your Ears and Other Intriguing Idioms From Around the World
by Jag Bhalla"I'm not hanging noodles on your ears." In Moscow, this curious, engagingly colorful assertion is common parlance, but unless you're Russian your reaction is probably "Say what?" The same idea in English is equally odd: "I'm not pulling your leg." Both mean: Believe me.As author Jag Bhalla demonstrates, these amusing, often hilarious phrases provide a unique perspective on how different cultures perceive and describe the world. Organized by theme--food, love, romance, and many more--they embody cultural traditions and attitudes, capture linguistic nuance, and shed fascinating light on "the whole ball of wax." For example, when English-speakers are hard at work, we're "nose to the grindstone," but industrious Chinese toil "with liver and brains spilled on the ground" and busy Indians have "no time to die."If you're already fluent in 10 languages, you probably won't need this book, but you'll "get a kick out of it" anyhow; for the rest of us, it's a must. Either way, this surprising, often thought-provoking little tome is gift-friendly in appearance, a perfect impulse buy for word lovers, travelers, and anyone else who enjoys looking at life in a riotous, unusual way. And we're not hanging noodles from your ear.
I'm Not Hanging Noodles on Your Ears and Other Intriguing Idioms from Around the World
by Jag Bhalla"I'm not hanging noodles on your ears." In Moscow, this curious, engagingly colorful assertion is common parlance, but unless you're Russian your reaction is probably "Say what?" The same idea in English is equally odd: "I'm not pulling your leg." Both mean: Believe me. As author Jag Bhalla demonstrates, these amusing, often hilarious phrases provide a unique perspective on how different cultures perceive and describe the world. Organized by theme--food, love, romance, and many more--they embody cultural traditions and attitudes, capture linguistic nuance, and shed fascinating light on "the whole ball of wax." For example, when English-speakers are hard at work, we're "nose to the grindstone," but industrious Chinese toil "with liver and brains spilled on the ground" and busy Indians have "no time to die." If you're already fluent in 10 languages, you probably won't need this book, but you'll "get a kick out of it" anyhow; for the rest of us, it's a must. Either way, this surprising, often thought-provoking little tome is gift-friendly in appearance, a perfect impulse buy for word lovers, travelers, and anyone else who enjoys looking at life in a riotous, unusual way. And we're not hanging noodles from your ear.
I'm Not High
by Jim BreuerA hilarious memoir from comedian Jim Breuer, with inside stories from his career in comedy as well as deeply personal moments from his life. With his goofy smile, sleepy eyes, and stoner's laugh, Jim Breuer might not appear to be the most introspective comedian out there. The fact that he made his mark playing Goat Boy on Saturday Night Live and a recalcitrant toker in the stoner classic Half Baked likely doesn't help his reputation at all. But in I'm Not High, we meet a whole new Jim Breuer. Jim dishes on everything from the SNL years to his early adventures in film. The cast of characters includes Chris Farley, Dave Chappelle, and Tracy Morgan-who all taught Jim lasting lessons about the high-stakes game of fame. He also chronicles the role family has played in keeping him honest. Whether he's arguing with his wife about religion, taking care of his kids, or helping his ailing father get through the day with his dignity intact, it's clear that some of Jim's best material comes from his best moments as a son and a dad and a husband. .
I'm Not Millie!
by Mark PettA hilarious and relatable read-aloud about a case of mistaken identity at bedtime.Where's Millie?! Every time a new nighttime task pops up, there's an animal in her place! It's time for Millie to eat her green beans. But Millie's not here--that's a hippo in her seat! Fine, if Millie won't eat her vegetables, it's time for a bath. No . . . Millie . . . here . . . just . . . a . . . tortoise . . . This fun, spare read-aloud is perfect for any kid who has ever tried to get out of something, and for any parent who has tried to get them back in.
I'm Not Ready for This: Everybody Just Calm Down and Give Me a Minute
by Anna Lind ThomasFrom popular humor writer and social media sensation Anna Lind Thomas comes a second book of charming and uproarious essays that capture our universal need for life to just slow down and give us as minute--we weren't ready for this!Anna Lind Thomas wants everyone to just calm down and give her a minute, okay? She's not ready for this! In fact, through her latest collection of laugh out loud essays, she'll prove she's never been ready for anything in her life. Adult decisions, marriage, parenting, crows feet, large pores, skinny jeans-- you name it, she ain't ready for it! She's never, not once, been ready for swimsuit season. Or her monthly period, even though her iWatch gives her several warnings. She wasn't ready to look her female professor in the eye after inexplicably whispering "I love you" during a hug, nor was she ready to leave the hospital with her newborn because she has a bizarre inability to pay attention while someone gives her detailed instructions. Don't even get her started on that one time she appeared on national TV in a blazer two sizes too small because she thought she'd lose twenty pounds before the shoot. Good grief, she just wasn't ready!Through her signature wit, charm, and painful relatability, Anna reminds us that no one's truly ready for anything--so we might as well go for it and see what happens. She bets it'll be real good--or at least, real funny.
I'm Not Scared, You're Scared
by Seth MeyersFrom the incomparable host of &“Late Night with Seth Meyers&” comes a hilarious new picture book. When you're a bear who is easily scared, it's hard to have friends. Fortunately, Bear has one: Rabbit, who is very brave. One day, Rabbit urges Bear to face his fears and embark on an adventure together. However, things don't entirely go as planned, and the two friends learn the true meaning of bravery. Equal parts hilarious and touching, this funny tale of adventure, bravery, and daring rescue will both inspire the adventurous spirit in all of us and make us laugh along the way. With the unfailingly witty voice of one of America's favorite comedians, Seth Meyers's debut picture book is bound for hilarity history.
I'm Not Sleepy (Little Golden Book)
by Trish HollandA Little Golden Book about bedtime that every parent and kid will relate to. Makes for perfect bedtime reading!It's bedtime for a precocious little fox in this endearing and humorous Little Golden Book. Unforunately, little fox has far more energy than father fox has bargained for. Featuring delightfully warm illustrations and a story that captures all the rambunctious qualites of bedtime, I'm Not Sleepy will make a perfect addition to your own little one's nighttime routine.
I'm Not Stiller
by Max FrischThe classic German novel with a narrator as “treacherous, evasive and compelling as an Edgar Allan Poe murderer or a Raymond Chandler detective” (The New York Times).The unabridged version of a haunting story of a man in prison. His wife, brother, and mistress recognize him and call him by his name, Anatol Ludwig Stiller. But he rejects them, repeatedly insisting that he’s not Stiller. Could he possibly be right—or is he deliberately trying to shake off his old identity and assume a new one? “The novel intertwines a classic tale of mistaken identity with high comedy and postwar seriousness. Is Stiller’s testimony of his life the ‘unvarnished truth’ as he claims? Or is his version a last-ditch effort in deception—a denial of an identity he despises? We don’t know, and therein lies the beauty of experiencing I’m Not Stiller. For anyone who likes a narrator served unreliably, you must read this . . . we find ourselves actively piecing together the mystery of a man’s identity with much more delight and humor than any of Frisch’s postwar compatriots like Sartre or Camus.” —Alex Gilvarry, NPR, All Things Considered podcast“Readers cannot but feel the force of what remains one of the most important novels of the post-war years.” —Times Literary Supplement“A single consciousness contains multitudes: in fathoming it, Frisch evokes the complex reality of a dangerous and enthralling world.” —New Statesman“A strange, speculative search for an identity and it progresses—on a parallel—at two levels . . . For the thoughtful reader, an enigma which has its subtler, deeper implications.” —Kirkus Reviews
I'm Not Your Sweet Babboo!: A PEANUTS Collection (Peanuts Kids #10)
by Charles M. SchulzComic strips starring Linus, Sally, Snoopy, Charlie Brown, and more beloved characters—“relevant and funny for all ages generation after generation.” —Good Comics for Kids, a School Library Journal BlogEveryone’s favorite classic characters are back: Peppermint Patty enrolls in a private school to end her academic troubles—only to discover she’s just graduated from obedience school. Linus finds himself entangled in a love triangle (and stuck on top of a snow-covered roof). And Charlie Brown runs away from the law and becomes a vagrant baseball coach. The Peanuts crew is lovable, popular, and charming, but please, whatever you do, don’t call Linus “My Sweet Babboo”!
I'm Not a Supermouse!: I'm Not A Supermouse! (Geronimo Stilton #43)
by Geronimo StiltonIn each Geronimo Stilton book, another funny, cheesy adventure is always right around the corner. Each book is fast-paced, with lively full-color art and a unique format kids 7-10 will love.<P><p> Geronimo has always been a 'fraidy mouse, and his super-sporty friend Bruce Hyena decides that he needs to help Geronimo learn to keep calm in extreme situations. Bruce puts Geronimo to the test through encounters with scary animals and weather in conditions ranging from the desert to the North Pole. After Bruce's crazy training, a natural weather disaster occurs on Mouse Island. Will Geronimo prove that he truly is a super mouse?<P> <i>Advisory: Bookshare has learned that this book offers only partial accessibility. We have kept it in the collection because it is useful for some of our members. To explore further access options with us, please contact us through the Book Quality link on the right sidebar. Benetech is actively working on projects to improve accessibility issues such as these.</i>
I'm Not a Terrorist, But I've Played One On TV
by Maz JobraniA hilarious and moving memoir of growing up Iranian in America, and the quest to make it in Hollywood without having to wear a turban, tote a bomb, or get kicked in the face by Chuck Norris.When he first started out in show business, Maz Jobrani endured suggestions that he spice up his stand-up act by wearing "the outfit," fielded questions about rising gas prices, and got called an F'in Eye-ranian for being involved in the Iran hostage crisis even though he was only eight years old at the time--in fact, these things happened so often that he began to wonder: Could I be a terrorist without even knowing it? Having emigrated with his family to the US during the Iranian Revolution, Maz spent most of his youth desperately trying to fit in with his adopted culture--whether that meant learning to play baseball or religiously watching Dallas with his female relatives. But none of his attempts at assimilation made a difference to casting directors, who only auditioned him for the role of kebab-eating, bomb-toting, extremist psychopath. In this laugh-out-loud memoir, Maz shares his struggle to build an acting career in post-9/11 Hollywood--from playing a terrorist on 24 to playing a terrorist opposite Chuck Norris to his mother asking, "Vhy you alvays terrorist?!" (Followed by, "Vhy you couldn't be doctor?!") But finally, through patience, determination, and only the occasional unequivocal compromising of his principles, he found a path to stardom. And he also learned the proper way to die like a bad guy on TV.
I'm Not a Terrorist, But I've Played One On TV
by Maz JobraniA hilarious and moving memoir of growing up Iranian in America, and the quest to make it in Hollywood without having to wear a turban, tote a bomb, or get kicked in the face by Chuck Norris.When he first started out in show business, Maz Jobrani endured suggestions that he spice up his stand-up act by wearing "the outfit," fielded questions about rising gas prices, and got called an F'in Eye-ranian for being involved in the Iran hostage crisis even though he was only eight years old at the time--in fact, these things happened so often that he began to wonder: Could I be a terrorist without even knowing it? Having emigrated with his family to the US during the Iranian Revolution, Maz spent most of his youth desperately trying to fit in with his adopted culture--whether that meant learning to play baseball or religiously watching Dallas with his female relatives. But none of his attempts at assimilation made a difference to casting directors, who only auditioned him for the role of kebab-eating, bomb-toting, extremist psychopath. In this laugh-out-loud memoir, Maz shares his struggle to build an acting career in post-9/11 Hollywood--from playing a terrorist on 24 to playing a terrorist opposite Chuck Norris to his mother asking, "Vhy you alvays terrorist?!" (Followed by, "Vhy you couldn't be doctor?!") But finally, through patience, determination, and only the occasional unequivocal compromising of his principles, he found a path to stardom. And he also learned the proper way to die like a bad guy on TV.
I'm Not a Terrorist, But I've Played One On TV: Memoirs of a Middle Eastern Funny Man
by Maz Jobrani"A funny, insightful memoir" (Kirkus Reviews) about growing up Iranian in America, and the quest to make it as an actor in Hollywood without having to wear a turban, tote a bomb, or get kicked in the face by Chuck Norris.After he emigrated with his family to the US during the Iranian Revolution, Maz Jobrani spent most of his youth trying to fit in with his adopted culture--learning to play baseball and religiously watching Dallas. But none of his attempts at assimilation made a difference to casting directors, who only auditioned him for the role of kebab-eating, bomb-toting, extremist psychopath. When he first started out in show business, Maz endured suggestions that he spice up his stand-up act by wearing "the outfit," fielded questions about rising gas prices, and was jeered for his supposed involvement in the Iran hostage crisis. In fact, these things happened so often that he began to wonder: Could I be a terrorist without even knowing it? And when all he seemed to be offered were roles that required looking menacingly Arabic, he wondered if he would ever make it in America. This laugh-out-loud memoir chronicles a lifetime of both killing it and bombing on stage, with "plenty to say about matters of race, assimilation, embarrassing family members, life in America for brown-skinned people before and after 9/11, the vagaries of international pop culture, and making it in big, dumb, fizzy, sometimes beautiful America" (The New York Times).
I'm Not the Biggest Bitch in This Relationship: Hilarious, Heartwarming Tales about Man's Best Friends from America's Favorite Humorists
by Wade RouseAn anthology of bark-out-loud original essays about dogs from some of today's most popular writers. Critically acclaimed memoirist Wade Rouse has gathered some of America's best known humorists- authors, comedians, and actors-to offer biting commentary on what it means to share a life, and a heart, with a dog. From battling for bed space to trying to transform a pampered NYC pup into a Texas rawhide, and from helping a shelter rescue navigate through her new life to interpreting dog run dynamics (and politics), being a canine companion has challenges as tough as any agility course, but laughter is just a tail-wag away. This collection features uncanny insight and witty prose from. . . Jen Lancaster Rita Mae Brown Laurie Notaro Jane Green Beth Harbison W. Bruce Cameron and many others, including a Foreword by Chelsea Handler's dog, Chunk
I'm Ogre It (I Like to Read Comics)
by Jeffrey EbbelerAn ogre turns out to be the best neighbor ever in this punny easy reader comic.A family gets a surprise when a fun-loving ogre moves in next door and helps a sister bond with her screen-obsessed brother. Ollie is so absorbed in the video game Smash Tower that he doesn&’t notice that his sister and an ogre named Tim have emptied his room and constructed an obstacle course that mirrors the levels of the game in the yard. But a tell-tale red string leads him to the challenges. This comic is perfect for reintroducing kids to the fun of in-person play. Comics-lovers can now share the fun with their kids, students, siblings, and younger friends who are learning to read! I Like to Read® Comics are perfect for kids who are challenged by or unengaged in reading, kids who love art, and the growing number of young comics fans. Filled with eye-catching art, humor, and terrific stories, these comics provide unique reading experiences for growing minds. Like their award-winning I Like to Read® counterpart, I Like to Read® Comics are created by celebrated artists and support reading comprehension to transform children into lifelong readers. A Junior Library Guild Gold Standard Selection
I'm Only Here for the WiFi: A Complete Guide to Reluctant Adulthood
by Chelsea FaganChelsea Fagan has felt the pressures and expectations of young adult life firsthand. Building on the success of her popular articles on Thought Catalog, her book I'm Only Here for the WiFi presents an honest, refreshing, and hilarious perspective on the life of a misplaced twentysomething, desperate for advice about how to survive adulthood--all while maintaining an active social life. With insights ranging from partying to finding and keeping a job, I'm Only Here for the WiFi is a healthy mix of commentary, humor, and real advice.
I'm Over All That
by Shirley MaclaineThe award-winning actress and New York Times bestselling author pens the funniest, most accessible and timely book of her career, detailing all the things she's over . . . and a few things she's not. Shirley MacLaine is one of the most admired Hollywood actresses, and indubitably one of the most fearless. Whatever the topic - show business, ageing, politics, family or the future of mankind and the universe, Shirley has never shied away from sharing opinions that are as fascinating as they are honest. In a series of short essays Shirley shares her opinions and insights on all the things that drive her crazy, inspire her to action, and keep her firmly in the public eye. With essay titles such as I Am Not Over Good Journalists, I'm Trying to Get Over Anger, Sex Got Over Me and I Can't Remember If I'm Over Memory Loss, this is Shirley's pithiest and funniest book to date. As frank and personal as Nora Ephron's I Feel Bad About My Neck - which, incidentally, Shirley doesn't since she knows the secrets of good lighting - I'm Over All That is MacLaine at her acerbic and irreverent best.
I'm Ready for My Movie Contract: A Get Fuzzy Collection (Get Fuzzy #10)
by Darby ConleySo far this century, there have arguably been three breakout hits on the comics page-The Boondocks, Get Fuzzy, and Pearls Before Swine." -San Francisco Chronicle* Get Fuzzy was named Best Comic Strip of the Year in 2002 by the National Cartoonists Society and now appears in more than 500 newspapers worldwide.Satchel, the ever-hapless Shar-pei-Lab mix in the Get Fuzzy gang, is the star of I'm Ready for My Movie Contract: A Get Fuzzy Collection, inspired by his hero, Wonder Mutt. Rounding out this not-so-warm-and-fuzzy cast is Rob Wilco, a single, mild-mannered ad exec, and Bucky Katt, a highly strung, bucktoothed, laid-back-eared Siamese with an eye for mischief, an obsession with monkey pizza, and a neurotic fear of beavers. Together they form one crazy troupe for fun and mayhem.* Three books, Bucky Katt's Big Book of Fun, Blueprint for Disaster, and Say Cheesy, have been New York Times best-sellers.
I'm Rich, You're Poor: How to Give Social Media a Reality Check
by Shabaz AliThe world is full of books about how to be rich. This is not one of them.Today, many of us are feeling the pinch - and being bombarded with portrayals of social media 'perfection' is making that pinch feel more like a punch.We may know that social media - with all its billionaires and beauty queens - is just a highlight reel. So why is it still making most of us feel so low?Comedian Shabaz Ali wants to help you see the funny side of social media again. Because while it looks nice to live up in an ivory tower, this book reminds us that it is much more fun to be part of the baying mob that surrounds it.This laugh-out-loud deep-dive into social media's ridiculously rich, will help you love your own penny-pinched, rough-around-the-edges, extraordinarily ordinary life.
I'm Scared (My First Comics)
by Jennifer L. HolmThe fourth board book in Matthew and Jennifer L. Holm&’s My First Comics series! I&’m Scared teaches young children a simple lesson about overcoming fears and trying something new.In I&’m Scared, Chilly the snowflake is a real worrywart. He is scared of everything! The reassuring narrator in this very simple, comic book–style board book gently shows Chilly that sometimes, to have fun, it is important to face your fears and try something new! Matthew and Jennifer L. Holm are the bestselling creators of Babymouse and Squish, and Jennifer is the author of novels such as The Fourteenth Goldfish. The Eisner Award–winning siblings use panel frames, speech balloons, and thought bubbles to teach children how to read a story. Be sure to look for the other My First Comics books: I&’m Grumpy, I&’m Sunny!, and I&’m Silly!
I'm Silly! (My First Comics)
by Jennifer L. HolmParents looking for funny books to read to their babies and toddlers have something to cheer about—a new comic board-book series about feelings from Jennifer and Matthew Holm! In I&’m Silly!, a hyperactive tornado gets a bit TOO goofy and ruins his friends&’ tea party. A sweet, funny, and simple introduction to the impact that emotions can have on the people around you from the bestselling creators of Babymouse and Squish, Jennifer L. Holm (author of The Fourteenth Goldfish) and Matthew Holm. The Eisner Award winners use panel frames, speech balloons, and thought bubbles to teach children how to read a story. For more My First Comics stories, look for I&’m Grumpy and I&’m Sunny!
I'm So (Not) Over You
by Kosoko JacksonOne of... Essence's New Books We Can&’t Wait To Read In 2022 Oprah Daily&’s Most Anticipated Romance Novels of 2022 Buzzfeed&’s Highly Anticipated LGBTQ Romance Novels in 2022 Popsugar's New Romance Novels That Will Make You Fall in Love With 2022 BookRiot&’s Most Anticipated New Adult Romance Reads For Spring 2022 E! News and LifeSavvy&’s February Books to Fall in Love With Bustle&’s Most Anticipated Books of February Betches&’ Books You Need to Read in 2022A chance to rewrite their ending is worth the risk in this swoony romantic comedy from Kosoko Jackson. It&’s been months since aspiring journalist Kian Andrews has heard from his ex-boyfriend, Hudson Rivers, but an urgent text has them meeting at a café. Maybe Hudson wants to profusely apologize for the breakup. Or confess his undying love. . . But no, Hudson has a favor to ask—he wants Kian to pretend to be his boyfriend while his parents are in town, and Kian reluctantly agrees. The dinner doesn&’t go exactly as planned, and suddenly Kian is Hudson&’s plus one to Georgia&’s wedding of the season. Hudson comes from a wealthy family where reputation is everything, and he really can&’t afford another mistake. If Kian goes, he&’ll help Hudson preserve appearances and get the opportunity to rub shoulders with some of the biggest names in media. This could be the big career break Kian needs. But their fake relationship is starting to feel like it might be more than a means to an end, and it&’s time for both men to fact-check their feelings.
I'm So Full of Happy Today: The Hygge Wisdom of Children
by Martin Andersen Mora TuffyFinalist Pacific Book Awards 2018! A celebration of one of the most simple joys in life: the unwitting comedy of children. Is there anything more likely to make you laugh and put a smile on your face than the innocent and funny remark of a child? Ever since Art Linkletter first published Kids Say the Darndest Things in 1957, people have laughed and been delighted with the things kids say. The Danes have a word for the feeling of happy delight that you get from simple things in life: &“hygge.&” In I&’m So Full of Happy Today: The Hygge Wisdom of Children you will explore many of the hilarious things kids say in our world today, like these quotes: Dylan, age 5, &“Mom, did it hurt much when you gave birth to Daddy?&”Keira, age 8, &“Being in love is like having a birthday in your stomach.&”Miley, age 3, &“When I grow up, I want to be pregnant. Or a princess.&”Jack, age 5, &“Mom, how old were you when you were my age?&” The latest in funny kids books: I&’m So Full of Happy Today is a heartwarming collection of the remarkably observant, funny, and wise things said by children, aged two to ten years. All of the stories have a very real and personal feel, and include the name and age of each child. These playful, sometimes &“tongue-in-cheek&” tales straight from the minds and mouths of kids will have you learning and laughing long after you&’ve turned the last page. You will be hygge happy!
I'm So Glad You Told Me
by Barbara JohnsonHere's another book of funcouragement from Barbara Johnson as she continues to help her loyal fans find joy in the midst of pain. Barbara shares her own experiences and those of others who have tripped over life's hurdles and landed in the arms of God. She shows that laughing in the face of adversity is not proof of insanity but a form of healing.