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I'm the One That I Want
by Margaret ChoComedian. Icon. TV star. Role model. Trash talker. Fag hag. Gypsy. Tramp. Thief. Margaret Cho displays her numerous sides in this funny, fierce, and honest memoir. As one of the country's most visible Asian Americans, she has a unique perspective on identity and acceptance. As one of the country's funniest and most quoted personalities, she takes no prisoners. And as a warm and wise woman who has seen the highs and lows of life, she has words of encouragement for anyone who has ever felt like an outsider. With I'm the One That I Want, Margaret Cho has written a book every bit as hilarious, shocking, and insightful as she is.From the Trade Paperback edition.
I'm the Scariest Thing in the Castle
by Kevin SherryA little vampire bat takes stock of all the creepies in the castle and decides he's scarier than all of them! But the creepies? They're not convinced. When they play a trick to prove their point, the oh-so-boastful bat's response is as unexpected as it is exuberant. It turns out the creepies may have created a monster- an absolutely adorable one. Award winner Kevin Sherry delivers a toddler-friendly, not-so-scary Halloween read-aloud with simple text, bold and delightful art, and a lovable little bat with an uncrushable spirit.
I'm with Stupid: One Man. One Woman. 10,000 Years of Misunderstanding Between the Sexes Cleared Right Up
by Gene Weingarten Gina BarrecaIs God male or female? Why do women, but not men, flush public toilets with their feet? Why are men, but not women, obsessed with parallel parking? Why do women, but not men, leave eleven-minute messages on answering machines? Why do men feel guilty about nothing, and women feel guilty about everything? Was Marilyn Monroe...fat? These philosophical quandaries, and more, are finally debated in I'm with Stupid, an uproariously funny dialogue between Gene Weingarten, the gleefully misogynistic Washington Post humor columnist, and Gina Barreca, the gleefully feminist University of Connecticut professor. The first significant book about men and women actually written by a man and a woman, I'm with Stupid is privy to the dark secrets of both sexes. It's not a lecture, but an extended argument, a combustion of viewpoints that winds up unearthing startling truths. In the words of Gene and Gina: "Our Mars and Venus breach their orbits and collide in a screaming fireball from Hell." The subject matter spans art and expression, science and technology, politics and history, spirituality and religion, sex and sexuality, as well as the complex etiology, sociology, and etymology of dirty jokes. Men: Learn at last how to know for sure when you are having a fight. Women: Learn what he really means when he says "I'm sorry." Take sides as Gene and Gina face off in a haggling challenge in which the winner manages to get the lowest price for a Mercedes S500. Or just take in the show. I'm with Stupid is the book that finally establishes, conclusively, that women are funnier than men. And vice versa.
I've Got My Mind Set on Brew: A Novel
by Stephanie JayneA down-on-her-luck craft beer brewer and her privileged new boss clash as they work together to save a quirky brewpub in this enemies-to-lovers workplace rom-com, perfect for fans of Rachel Lynn Solomon&’s The Ex Talk.Kat Malone is left cash-strapped after a job loss and a bad breakup (pro tip: never offer to pay living expenses for a freeloading poetry major) when she discovers a surprising new career path: craft beer brewer.When the brewpub is sold, the new owner places his light-on-experience son in charge of the pub. Ryan is as basic as a pale lager and aims to turn quirky Resistance into a run-of-the-mill sports bar. Worse, he won&’t consider Kat for the position of brewer&’s assistant—the job she&’d been promised by the previous owners.Despite clashes between Kat and Ryan, he confides that Resistance is in financial trouble and that drastic changes will be needed if the pub has any hope of survival. Forced to collaborate, Kat realizes Ryan isn&’t as bland as she assumed—he might even be exactly what she&’s been craving.But just as Ryan promises Kat a true partnership in the face of his father&’s opposition, Kat is offered the opportunity of a lifetime. &“Marrying the beer&” used to be Kat&’s only goal, but can she craft a brew for her life that allows her to have it all?Fans of Kate Clayborn and Mariana Zapata will be raising a pint to this crisp, satisfying, slow-burn romantic novel.
I've Got This Round: More Tales of Debauchery
by Mamrie HartWhen Mamrie simultaneously enters her 30s and finds herself single for the first time since college, the world is suddenly full of possibilities. Emboldened by the cool confidence that comes with the end of one's 20s plus the newfound independence of an attachment-free lifestyle, Mamrie commits herself to living life with even more spirit, adventure, and heart than before. Mamrie dives into new experiences at full-tilt and seeks out once-in-a-lifetime opportunities (like meeting the Dixie Chicks), bucket-list goals (like visiting the Moulin Rouge), and madcap adventures (like going anchors-away on a Backstreet Boys cruise)—all while diving back into the dating world for the first time in a decade.
I've Got Your Number: A Novel (Playaway Adult Fiction Ser.)
by Sophie Kinsella"Utterly charming . . . Put Sophie Kinsella's Number on speed dial."--USA Today Poppy Wyatt has never felt luckier. She is about to marry her ideal man, Magnus Tavish, but in one afternoon her "happily ever after" begins to fall apart. Not only has she lost her engagement ring in a hotel fire drill, but in the panic that follows, her phone is stolen. As she paces shakily around the lobby, she spots an abandoned phone in a trash can. Finders keepers! Now she can leave a number for the hotel to contact her when they find her ring. Perfect! Well, perfect except that the phone's owner, businessman Sam Roxton, doesn't agree. He wants his phone back and doesn't appreciate Poppy reading his messages and wading into his personal life. What ensues is a hilarious and unpredictable turn of events as Poppy and Sam increasingly upend each other's lives through emails and text messages. As Poppy juggles wedding preparations, mysterious phone calls, and hiding her left hand from Magnus and his parents, she soon realizes that she is in for the biggest surprise of her life.BONUS: This edition includes an excerpt from Sophie Kinsella's Wedding Night. "A rollicking page-turner . . . It's funny. It's clever. It twists and turns. . . . Sophie Kinsella has yet another winner."--Fort Worth Star-Telegram "Fresh, fast-paced, and fiercely funny . . . Kinsella pens her most lovably neurotic protagonist yet. . . . A laugh-out-loud comic caper."--Publishers Weekly "Poppy is easily as charming and daffy as shopaholic Rebecca Bloomwood."--Kirkus Reviews "A screwball romance for the digital age."--The Star-Ledger
I've Never Met an Idiot on the River: Reflections on Family Photography and Fly-Fishing
by Henry WinklerIn this delightful collection of humorous anecdotes and heartfelt observations, Henry Winkler shares the joy and wisdom he's accumulated while honing his skills as a fly fisherman. A accomplished sportsman who meticulously records the measurements of every fish he hooks, Winkler has learned that his yearly trips to the river are not just about catching trout. More importantly, they're about adopting the proper perspective on life. Or, as Winkler puts it, when he's fly fishing, the river acts like a "washing machine for my brain," recharging him and reminding him that anything is possible. Winkler makes a habit of sharing his angling adventures with his wife, Stacey, and their three children, Jed, Zoe, and Max. The Winklers' annual trip, where they can escape the busyness of everyday life, has brought them together as a family. On the river, Henry has grown to appreciate the support his wife and children give him, learned to listen, and developed the confidence to publish his outdoor photography in his first non-fiction book.An expression of the inherent optimism that stems from the simplicity of the outdoors, I've Never Met an Idiot on the River is an invitation to share in the realizations and achievements Winkler
I've Said It Before...: Unpublished Letters to the Daily Mail
by Andrew Simpson'I read that a woman has left her husband and children to go and live with a Red Indian she met on the internet. Could it be said that her marriage was going through a bad Apache?'Thousands of letters to the Daily Mail go unpublished every week - until now. Included in this collection of 'the best of the rest' are pithy notes from grammar pedants, serious contributions to debates of the day and hilarious misunderstandings, observations and experiences.Corresponding on themes as diverse as Australian tree frogs, the legalisation of cannabis and Camilla Parker-Bowles, the letters of these Daily Mail readers chronicle life in an unmistakeably British way. Some were too oddball, some too polemical, obscure, outrageous or whimsical for initial publication, but all are remarkable for their unique insights into the way we live now...
I've Still Got It...I Just Can't Remember Where I Put It
by Jenna MccarthyWelcome to Middle Age! Please check your functioning internal thermostat and razor-sharp memory at the door and pour yourself a nice, stiff drink... Jenna McCarthy might be forty-something, but she doesn't feel forty-something. She certainly doesn't look forty-something. (Actually she does, but she's in denial so maybe don't mention it?) And between complaining about how tired she is, trying to remember what she came in here for and wondering whether she drinks too much, she does not have time for a crisis. She has, however, had time to crack the mysterious midlife code. She's figured out how to tame her muffin top, keep the spark in her marriage and probably not die a fiery hoarder's death. She's learned the trick to looking ten years younger and the secret to feeling ten times happier (and it only cost $14.99 plus shipping and handling). And she's discovered the one thing she will need to do for the rest of ever if she's going to continue to refuse to "dress her age." Tackling everything from cosmetic surgery and financial panic to skinny jeans and the meaning of life, I've Still Got It... is a middle age manifesto filled with hilarious misadventures, humiliating confessions and occasional (hot) flashes of genius.
I've Tried Being Nice: Essays
by Ann LearyNew York Times bestselling author Ann Leary offers a literary feast of humor and wisdom told from the perspective of a recovering people pleaser.Having arrived at a certain age (her prime), Ann Leary casts a wry backward glance at a life spent trying—and often failing—to be nice. With wit and surprising candor, Leary recounts the bedlam of home bat invasions, an obsession with online personality tests, and the mortification of taking ballroom dance lessons with her actor husband. She describes hilarious red-carpet fiascos and other observations from the sidelines of fame, while also touching upon her more poignant struggles with alcoholism, her love for her family, her dogs, and so much more. Prepare to laugh, cry, cringe and revel in the comically relatable chaos of Ann Leary&’s life as revealed in this delightful collection of essays.
I, Bruno (Orca Echoes)
by Caroline AddersonBruno is a boy with particular tastes and ideas. He will not, for example, eat anything green. He spends one day as Sir Bruno and another as the Queen. He is an entrepreneur and he understands the language of Car. Bruno is a boy worth knowing.
I, Hogarth: A Novel
by Michael DeanThe great eighteenth century portraitist comes to life in this &“gritty, bawdy and funny&” rags to riches novel told in the voice of the artist himself (The New York Times). William Hogarth was London&’s artist par excellence, and his work—especially his satirical series of &“modern moral subjects&”—supplies the most enduring vision of the ebullience, enjoyments, and social iniquities of the eighteenth century. And in I, Hogarth, he tells a ripping good yarn. From a childhood spent in a debtor&’s prison to his death in the arms of his wife, Hogarth recounts the incredible story of how he maneuvered his way into the household of prominent artist Sir James Thornhill, and from there to become one of England&’s best portrait painters. Through his marriage to Jane Thornhill, his fight for the Copyright Act, his unfortunate dip into politics, and his untimely death, &“the voice in which Dean&’s Hogarth tells his own story is rich and persuasive . . . Like stepping into a Hogarth painting&” (The New York Times). &“A brilliant exercise in imagination and storytelling.&” —Kirkus Reviews (starred review)
I, Justine
by Justine EzarikA one-woman media phenomenon and a leading YouTube influencer takes readers behind the camera, and deep inside her world.Justine Ezarik has been tech-obsessed since unboxing her family's first Apple computer. By sixth grade she had built her first website. A decade later, she became one of the Internet's first--and most popular--"lifecasters," inviting people around the world to watch her every move, twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week. But it was a one-minute video about an itemized AT&T bill that gave Justine her first taste of viral success: Within ten days of release, her "300-page iPhone bill" had garnered more than 3 million views and international media attention. These days, iJustine is a one-woman new media phenomenon: The popular techie, gamer, vlogger, and digital influencer has an army of nearly 3.5 million subscribers across multiple YouTube channels, with total views approaching half a billion. Now, Justine is giving friends and fans a look behind the scenes, sharing never-before-told stories about the hilarious (and sometimes heartbreaking) reality of sharing your life online. With her trademark wit and delightfully weird sense of humor, Justine delivers an inspirational message in support of creativity, entrepreneurship, and the power of staying true to yourself, while reminding readers that the Internet is a very small world--you just never know who you're going to meet.
I, Justine
by Justine EzarikA one-woman media phenomenon and a leading YouTube influencer takes readers behind the camera, and deep inside her world. Justine Ezarik has been tech-obsessed since unboxing her family's first Apple computer. By sixth grade she had built her first website. A decade later, she became one of the Internet's first--and most popular--"lifecasters," inviting people around the world to watch her every move, twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week. But it was a one-minute video about an itemized AT&T bill that gave Justine her first taste of viral success: Within ten days of release, her "300-page iPhone bill" had garnered more than 3 million views and international media attention. These days, iJustine is a one-woman new media phenomenon: The popular techie, gamer, vlogger, and digital influencer has an army of nearly 3.5 million subscribers across multiple YouTube channels, with total views approaching half a billion. Now, Justine is giving friends and fans a look behind the scenes, sharing never-before-told stories about the hilarious (and sometimes heartbreaking) reality of sharing your life online. With her trademark wit and delightfully weird sense of humor, Justine delivers an inspirational message in support of creativity, entrepreneurship, and the power of staying true to yourself, while reminding readers that the Internet is a very small world--you just never know who you're going to meet.
I, Libertine
by Theodore SturgeonThe novel that began as a radio hoax, Theodore Sturgeon&’s I, Libertine is a hilarious erotic romp through the royal boudoirs of eighteenth-century LondonInspired by a notorious radio hoax in the mid-1950s, popular radio host and prankster Jean Shepherd exhorted his faithful listeners to approach their local booksellers the next morning and request copies of the historical novel I, Libertine by Frederick R. Ewing—a book that had never been written, by an author who had never been alive. The hoax was so successful that I, Libertine became the talk of the town, even earning the unique distinction of being banned by the Archdiocese of Boston, despite the fact that it didn&’t yet exist. Now there was nothing left to do but write the thing . . . and fantasy and science fiction legend Theodore Sturgeon was called in to work his magic. Originally written pseudonymously, Sturgeon&’s I, Libertine is a glorious tale of close shaves, daring escapes, and wildly licentious behavior. It covers the bawdy misdeeds of Captain Lance Courtenay as he carelessly romps through the royal court and the bedchambers of London&’s finest ladies. Chock-full of wicked wit and Sturgeon&’s trademark twists and turns, it is a hilarious, picaresque adventure that Ewing himself would certainly have been proud to call his own, if he had existed. This ebook features an illustrated biography of Theodore Sturgeon including rare images and never-before-seen documents from the University of Kansas&’s Kenneth Spencer Research Library and the author&’s estate, among other sources.
I, Millennial: One Snowflake's Screed Against Boomers, Billionaires and Everything Else
by Tom Ballard&‘A damn hilarious read.&’ Nazeem Hussain &‘A true barbarian.&’ Andrew Bolt Our world is in chaos lol. And no, Australian Millennials, it&’s not your imagination: things are especially f**ked for us. Millions of Baby Boomers got beach houses, free education, jobs for life and a franking credit-fed retirement. But Millennials have been handed a housing crisis, crippling student debt, the gig economy, a cooked planet, a truly broken political system and now wars, inflation and a global pandemic, as a treat.This fully sucks. But never fear – this book is going to fix everything. Through the power of jokes, history, interviews and sass, so-called comedian Tom Ballard unpicks how his generation got here, and explains why we should probably do a revolution. Fact-filled and furiously funny, this is a must-read not just for young people wondering why they&’ve been given such a raw deal, but for anyone with an interest in how we&’re making our collective future impossible. &‘Tom Ballard is one of the most original, fearless and hilarious voices in Australian comedy.&’ Wil Anderson &‘As a fellow beleaguered Millennial, Tom is exactly the voice we need in this time of wailing capitalist death throes. Funny but biting, he lays out how the system has screwed us all – and it has nothing to do with avocado toast. You&’ll never be able to afford a house, so spend your money on this book instead.&’ Amy Remeikis &‘Ballard is fuming, funny, and armed with facts.&’ Tom Tilley &‘Speaking as Tom&’s non-biological mother, I am naturally proud to bursting of everything he does, especially the gay sex and particularly the class consciousness, which you will find emerging in this book.&’ Helen Razer &‘Tom makes me laugh, and think. I&’m not sure in which order. This book might be his last but that&’s ok – he&’s nailed it.&’ Dave Hughes
I, Robot: How to Be a Footballer 2
by Peter Crouch**A Daily Mail Book of the Year**What happens on the pitch is only half the story. Being a footballer is not just kicking a ball about with twenty-one other people on a big grass rectangle. Sometimes being a footballer is about accidentally becoming best mates with Mickey Rourke, or understanding why spitting is considered football’s most heinous crime.In How to be a Footballer, Peter Crouch took us into a world of bad tattoos and even worse haircuts, a world where you’re on the pitch one minute, spending too much money on a personalised number plate the next. In I, Robot, he lifts the lid even further on the beautiful game. We will learn about Gareth Bale’s magic beans, the Golden Rhombus of Saturday night entertainment, and why Crouchy’s dad walks his dog wearing an England tracksuit from 2005. Whether you’re an armchair expert, or out in the stands every Saturday, crazy for five-a-side or haven’t put on a pair of boots since school, this is the real inside story of how to be a footballer.
I, Soddit
by A.R.R.R. RobertsThe hilarious autobiography of the legendary hero of THE SODDIT. Adam Roberts' THE SODDIT was a bestseller and sold 150,000 copies. But what happened to the Soddit after his adventures, and after his account of them was published. . .
I, Superhero!!: We Wear Tights So You Won't Have To
by Mike McmullenEvildoers, Take Heed! Justice has a new face, and it wears a mask. Who are we talking about? Ordinary folk like Mike McMullen, a.k.a. The Amazing Whitebread, who become something entirely new and occasionally borderline pathological: Real-Life Superheroes (RLSHs). "Being a singing superheroine is a way for me to not only pay the bills, it also helps me give the baddies such a headache." --Danger Woman Complete with costumes and all the gadgetry they can afford from selling old copies of Action Comics on eBay, RLSHs dish out their own brand of justice--while criminals go about their business and law enforcers roll their eyes. "Me and Shadowhare were walking past a bank and we stopped to make a phone call. As soon as we started walking away, the police came up and said, 'Do you know why we stopped you? Because you guys are wearing masks standing in front of a bank.'" --Mr. Xtreme McMullen spans the country, coach class, seeking to develop his own RLSH identity and address such weighty issues as: Sidekicks: Faithful wards or CPS bait? Bad Guys: Where the hell are they all hiding? Super-tights: How snug is too snug? So don your mask, suck in your gut, and join us. "Hey, you're with a superhero. . .what could go wrong?" --Geist, the Emerald Cowboy Michael McMullen, a.k.a. The Amazing Whitebread, was born in Wichita Falls, Texas. He earned an undergraduate degree in history and philosophy, and subsequently took the only employment option open to someone with the resultant lack of marketable skills: government service. He's worked as an intelligence analyst for the U.S. Department of Justice for just over a decade and currently lives in Arlington, Texas, with his wife, Lauren, and their children, Grant and Gracie. His hobbies include aspiring to get some woodworking done, thinking about learning a musical instrument, and trying to get interested in any computer game other than Text Twist. He has had short pieces published in various science fiction/fantasy magazines and currently holds the record for "Worst-Kept Secret Identity."
IFLScience 117 Things You Should F*#king Know About Your World
by Paul Parsons The Writers of IFLScienceIFLScience presents the most intriguing and far-out facts about space, technology, the human brain, nature, and so much more that you should know, right now!117 Things You Should F*#ing Know About Your World is a compendium of the greatest articles from IFLScience's long history, broken up by leading subjects: Health & Medicine Plants & Animals Technology The Brain Space The Environment Chemistry PhysicsEach chapter opens with a new and irreverent introduction to the subject and collection of stories by author Paul Parsons, and the book features fascinating sidebars on related stories, photos, and illustrations throughout.From pinpointing the exact worst time to be alive in human history, to learning what makes you a procrastinator or a go-getter, to the very key to a happy sex life, and so much more, this is the science book that only the world's leading source of crazy-but-true stories could produce.
INVASION
by Eric L HarryA powerful portrait of modern-day politics gone wild. U.S. Republican President Bill Baker is thrown a curveball when China puts its plan of world dominance into action. After invading Asian, European and finally Caribbean territory, it's obvious that four thousand miles of ocean is not enough to keep North America safe from China. The siege begins, and Baker retaliates by declaring war on China. As if this staggering situation weren't enough, Harry juxtaposes this scenario with the personal implications raised by the presence of the president's patriotic teenage daughter, Stephie Roberts, in the U.S. Army. Problems arise when Stephie's mother (the president's ex-wife) insists that her daughter be removed from danger--though not before Stephie's relationship with young Chinese army Lieutenant Wu surfaces...
INVASION
by Eric L HarryA powerful portrait of modern-day politics gone wild. U.S. Republican President Bill Baker is thrown a curveball when China puts its plan of world dominance into action. After invading Asian, European and finally Caribbean territory, it's obvious that four thousand miles of ocean is not enough to keep North America safe from China. The siege begins, and Baker retaliates by declaring war on China. As if this staggering situation weren't enough, Harry juxtaposes this scenario with the personal implications raised by the presence of the president's patriotic teenage daughter, Stephie Roberts, in the U.S. Army. Problems arise when Stephie's mother (the president's ex-wife) insists that her daughter be removed from danger--though not before Stephie's relationship with young Chinese army Lieutenant Wu surfaces...
Ice Cap: A Mystery (Jackie Swaitkowski Mysteries #3)
by Chris KnopfCrazy weather, crazy artists, organized crime, and digital wizardry all play a role in a murder mystery that could only happen in the Hamptons.It's the worst winter on record. Jackie Swaitkowski has made the transition from lackadaisical, pot-smoking real-estate lawyer to obsessive, pot-smoking criminal defense attorney. And now, not only are there blizzards to contend with, her ne're-do-well client is headed for a first-degree murder rap.The case pulls Jackie reluctantly back into her late husband's extended, and famously outrageous, family. Complicating matters is a handsome journalist whose interest in Jackie exceeds the professional. Ice Cap marks the return of Jackie Swaitkowski, outlandish lawyer to the rich and criminal, by award-winning author Chris Knopf, who's been praised by Publishers Weekly for his "hard-boiled dialogue worthy of Elmore Leonard or John D. MacDonald."
Ice Cream & Dinosaurs: Ice Cream & Dinosaurs (Groovy Joe #1)
by Eric LitwinMeet Groovy Joe, a fun-lovin', guitar-strummin', doggy-ice-cream-eatin' pup as he wrangles three hungry dinosaurs and soon has them singing, grooving, and sharing! Groovy Joe was living the dream.He had a spoon and tub of doggy ice cream.And he started to sing: Love my doggy ice cream! Love my doggy ice cream!Eric Litwin, author of the bestselling and beloved Pete the Cat: I Love My White Shoes, and bestselling artist Tom Lichtenheld, illustrator of Goodnight, Goodnight Construction Site, have created a captivating new canine character who will sing his way into readers' hearts and have them grooving and giggling all the while. In his debut adventure, Groovy Joe faces three roaring dinosaurs hungry for his doggy ice cream! Oh no! But Joe knows just what to do and soon enough he has them all sharing while moving and singing along. Signature rhyme, repetition, and musical writing style, combined with wild and witty illustrations come together to create an unforgettable new character who embodies positivity, creativity, and kindness. Groovy Joe is here, ready to get groovy!
Ice Cream Face
by Heidi Woodward SheffieldThe Ezra Jack Keats Award–winning creator of Brick by Brick brings to delicious life the anxiety and elation involved in waiting in line to get ice cream.As far as this ice-cream-loving kid is concerned, every meal should include ice cream. In any form, in every flavor, he loves it all. But what he doesn't love is seeing other people with ice cream . . . while he's still waiting in line for his. That's when he can get his mad, "no-ice-cream-yet, waiting-in-a-long-line face"--until he finally gets his cone, and his mad face melts into something sweet. Heidi Woodward Sheffield gently explores a range of emotions as they relate to this delicious, everyday experience.