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If I Ran the Circus (Classic Seuss)
by Dr. SeussDr. Seuss's classic celebration of youthful imagination! The Circus McGurkus! The World's Greatest Show On the face of the earth, or wherever you go! Young Morris McGurk's has a BIG imagination. He wants to turn the vacant lot behind Sneelock's Store into the Circus McGurkus—the most colossal, stupendous, tremendous show in the world! Here you'll be entertained by bizarre creatures like the Drum-Tummied Snum, the Juggling Jott, and the Harp-Twanging Snarp, and fantastic circus acts performed by Sneelock—a sleepy shop keeper whom Morris images as the daredevil star of his big top! This is Dr. Seuss at his best, celebrating youthful imagination and creating a fantasy world that will delight and transport readers of all ages.
If I Ran the Circus: Read & Listen Edition (Classic Seuss)
by Dr. SeussStep right up for Dr. Seuss&’s classic rhyming picture-book tale of young Morris McGurk&’s big circus dreams. This circus has more than a mere lion tamer and trapeze artist! At the Circus McGurkus, you&’ll be intrigued by the wink-hooded Hoodwink, terrified by the Spotted Atrocious, and amazed by the daring feats of the great Sneelock. And these are just a few of the astonishing things you&’ll find under this big top. Told with the humor and originality that are synonymous with Dr. Seuss, If I Ran the Circus is a crowd-pleasing showstopper!This Read & Listen edition contains audio narration.
If I Stopped Haunting You
by Colby Wilkens"If you're in the mood for a steamy enemies-to-lovers romance but also a chilling haunted-house horror, GET YOU A BOOK THAT CAN DO BOTH! I blazed through this book in one sitting because I just couldn't wait to find out what would happen next!" - Alicia Thompson, USA Today bestselling author of With Love, from Cold WorldAn enemies to lovers romance where two feuding writers end up on a writers retreat together at a haunted castle in Scotland...It's been months since horror author Penelope Skinner threw a book at Neil Storm. But he was so infuriating, with his sparkling green eyes and his bestselling horror novels that claimed to break Native stereotypes. And now she’s a publishing pariah and hasn’t been able to write a word since. So when her friend invites her on a too-good-to-be-true writers retreat in a supposedly haunted Scottish castle, she seizes the opportunity. Of course, some things really are too good to be true.Neil wants nothing less than to be trapped in a castle with the frustratingly adorable woman who threw a book at him. She drew blood! Worse still, she unleashed a serious case of self-doubt! Neil is terrified to write another bestselling “book without a soul,” as Pen called it. All Neil wants is to find inspiration, while completely avoiding her.But as the retreat begins, Pen and Neil are stunned to find themselves trapped in a real-life ghost story. Even more horrifying, they’re stuck together and a truly shocking (extremely hot) almost-kiss has left them rethinking their feelings, and… maybe they shouldn’t have been enemies at all? But if they can’t stop the ghosts pursuing them, they may never have the chance to find out.Full of spooky chills and even more sexy thrills, If I Stopped Haunting You by Colby Wilkens is the funny, fast-paced romp romance readers have been waiting for!"I didn't realize I needed a romance book married to cozy horror but now I'm wondering where this particular mashup has been all my life. Can't wait to read the next!" - Jessica Clare, New York Times bestselling author
If It Fits, I Sits: Cats in Awkward Places
by VariousAnyone who has met a cat knows how much they enjoy squeezing themselves into weird places and uncomfortable-looking positions.Will we ever know why?Probably not.Featuring over 100 photos of cats and kittens, and the sarcastic comments we know they would make if they decided to communicate with humans beyond meowing, IF IT FITS, I SITS celebrates the simple truth that if it fits... they'll sits.
If It Makes You Happy
by Julie OliviaGrab your favorite fall candle, cuddle into a comfy blanket, and travel back in time to 1997 in this cozy, slow-burn romance set in the autumn glow of small-town Vermont.My new next-door neighbor seems to have everything figured out. Small town golden boy? Check. Single dad extraordinaire? Check. Hot baker forearms? I didn&’t notice them, I swear.I, on the other hand, don&’t–at all–have anything figured out. Trust me, I didn&’t think taking over my mom&’s dream bed and breakfast in Copper Run Vermont was going to be easy. It should be a good place to heal after my divorce. But apparently my scones belong in the garbage with my small talk skills. As pointed out by none other than Cliff.Cliff is inescapable. He knows exactly what people need–always. His charm, the way he wears flannel, and even his pastries, make not wanting to be friends with Cliff and his daughters pretty hard.Friends? I can make friends. That&’s safe. Except I&’m leaving in three months to pass the inn off to my little sister and get the promotion in Seattle I&’ve been working towards. So ask me why I&’m thinking about kissing my hot neighbor.
If It Was Easy, They'd Call the Whole Damn Thing a Honeymoon
by Jenna Mccarthy"Hilarious, smart, and utterly addicting. Watch out, Nora Ephron." -Valerie Frankel Jenna McCarthy presents an uproarious but insightful peek behind the curtains at the unholy state of matrimony. With ballsy wit and bawdy humor, she explores everything from male domestic idiocy and the frustrating misfires in spousal communication to how to stay true to the peskiest of vows: forsaking all others. Part in-your-face guide, part brutal confession, this book is a must-read manifesto on surviving marriage in an age when everyone seems to live forever and getting a divorce is as easy as ordering a latte.
If It's Not Funny It's Art
by Demetri MartinNew York Times bestselling author of This Is a Book and Point Your Face at This, Demetri Martin is back with another collection of hilarious drawings: IF IT'S NOT FUNNY IT'S ARTPacked with hundreds of new illustrations and one-liners, IF IT'S NOT FUNNY IT'S ART is a peek into the ingenious mind of author/comedian/filmmaker Demetri Martin. Exploring the meaning of art, life, death, ennui and the elegant fart joke with a sensibility all its own, this collection is a perfect gift for word lovers, art appreciators and fans of Demetri's unique brand of comedy. Sure to make you laugh out loud, and if it doesn't, then you know it's art.
If It's Not One Thing, It's Your Mother
by Julia Sweeney“I took so long to assemble my lovely family. If only they would disappear.” While Julia Sweeney is known as a talented comedienne and writer and performer of her one-woman shows, she is also a talented essayist. Happily for us, the past few years have provided her with some rich material. Julia adopted a Chinese girl named Mulan (“After the movie?”) and then, a few years later, married and moved from Los Angeles to Chicago. She writes about deciding to adopt her child, strollers, nannies (including the Chinese Pat), knitting, being adopted by a dog, The Food Network, and meeting Mr. Right through an email from a complete stranger who wrote, “Desperately Seeking Sweeney-in-Law.” She recounts how she explained the facts of life to nine-year-old Mulan, a story that became a wildly popular TED talk and YouTube video. Some of the essays reveal Julia’s ability to find that essential thread of human connection, whether it’s with her mother-in-law, who candidly reveals a story that most people would keep a secret, or with an anonymous customer service rep during a late-night phone call. But no matter what the topic, Julia always writes with elegant precision, pinning her jokes with razor-sharp observations while articulating feelings that we all share. Poignant, provocative, and wise, this is a funny, and at times powerful, memoir by a woman living her life with originality and intelligence.
If Keanu Were Your Boyfriend: The Man, the Myth, the WHOA!
by Marisa PolanskyImagine dating the internet's boyfriend in this illustrated homage to the always charming and often enigmatic Keanu Reeves. This full-color hardcover contains biographical information as well as illustrated quotes straight from the unicorn-of-a-man himself.Keanu Reeves insists he's "just a normal guy" despite being one of the most recognizable (and most excellent) faces in Hollywood. Apparently, Keanu's humility knows no bounds--just like our love for him. After all, the Keanusance didn't just come out of nowhere. He's had an epic four-decade-long acting career that includes the heart-stopping John Wick, the heart-melting Always Be My Maybe, and the heart-pounding The Matrix. His generosity and kindness are legendary, and he remains an enigmatic mystery we're dying to solve. And how could we forget, he's the Sexiest Man Alive!Part biography and part dreamlike narrative, this vibrant book imagines what it would be like if the internet's boyfriend were YOUR boyfriend. Get to know your man even better through stunning hand-lettered quotes including gems like: "I don't get out much" and "Life is good when you have a good sandwich." If Keanu Were Your Boyfriend is the perfect celebration of the man, the myth, the whoa: Keanu Reeves.
If Kids Ruled the School: Kids' Favorite Funny School Poems (Giggle Poetry)
by Stephen Carpenter Bruce LankyIf you've ever tried to convince Mom and Dad that the F on your report card stands for "fabulous," this hilarious collection of school poems is for you! In the tradition of the popular anthology No More Homework! No More Tests!, this book covers wild and wacky school topics, like bringing skunks to show-and-tell, falling asleep at your desk, and ripping your pants on the playground. The big-timers of children's poetry have converged on the pages of this book to deliver the very best in school poetry. Just ask the hundreds of elementary-school students who helped Bruce Lansky handpick these poems: Each poem is guaranteed to make you giggle, grin, and/or guffaw!
If Life Is a Bowl of Cherries, What Am I Doing in the Pits?: Bestselling Author Of Family - The Ties That Bind... And Gag!
by Erma BombeckThe hilarious #1 New York Times bestseller: Erma Bombeck&’s take on marriage and family life is &“fun from cover to cover&” (Hartford Courant). Ever since she was a child, Er ma Bombeck has been an expert worrier, and married life has only honed that skill. She gets anxious about running out of ball bearings; about snakes sneaking in through the pipes; about making meaningful conversation on New Year&’s Eve. Married life, she realizes, is an unpredictable saga even when you know exactly how loud your husband snores every night—and she wouldn&’t have it any other way. In this crisp collection of essays, Bombeck shows off the irresistible style that made her one of America&’s favorite humorists for more than three decades. When she sharpens her wit, no family member is sacred and no self-help fad is safe. This ebook features an illustrated biography of Erma Bombeck including rare images and never-before-seen documents from the author&’s estate.
If Monet Painted a Monster
by Amy NewboldA new kid-friendly tour of art history from the inventive Newbolds. Edward Hopper’s monster lurks outside the nighthawks’ diner. James Whistler’s monster rocks in her chair. Monsters invade masterpieces by Dorthea Tanning, Paul Cezanne, M.C. Escher, Jean Michel Basquiat, Giuseppe Archimboldo, Rene Magritte, Henri Rousseau, Franz Kline, Frida Kahlo, Bob Thompson, Henri Toulouse-Lautrec, Thomas Hart Benton, and Helen Frankenthaler. The monster emerging from Claude Monet’s waterlilies is unforgettable. Our guide for this romp through re-imagined masterpieces is an engaging hamster. Thumbnail biographies of the artists identify their iconic works.
If Nietzsche Were a Narwhal: What Animal Intelligence Reveals About Human Stupidity
by Justin GreggThis funny, "extraordinary and thought-provoking" (The Wall Street Journal) book asks whether we are in fact the superior species. As it turns out, the truth is stranger—and far more interesting—than we have been led to believe.If Nietzsche Were a Narwhal overturns everything we thought we knew about human intelligence, and asks the question: would humans be better off as narwhals? Or some other, less brainy species? There&’s a good argument to be made that humans might be a less successful animal species precisely because of our amazing, complex intelligence. All our unique gifts like language, math, and science do not make us happier or more &“successful&” (evolutionarily speaking) than other species. Our intelligence allowed us to split the atom, but we&’ve harnessed that knowledge to make machines of war. We are uniquely susceptible to bullshit (though, cuttlefish may be the best liars in the animal kingdom); our bizarre obsession with lawns has contributed to the growing threat of climate change; we are sexually diverse like many species yet stand apart as homophobic; and discriminate among our own as if its natural, which it certainly is not. Is our intelligence more of a curse than a gift? As scientist Justin Gregg persuasively argues, there&’s an evolutionary reason why human intelligence isn&’t more prevalent in the animal kingdom. Simply put, non-human animals don&’t need it to be successful. And, miraculously, their success arrives without the added baggage of destroying themselves and the planet in the process. In seven mind-bending and hilarious chapters, Gregg highlights one feature seemingly unique to humans—our use of language, our rationality, our moral systems, our so-called sophisticated consciousness—and compares it to our animal brethren. Along the way, remarkable tales of animal smarts emerge, as you&’ll discover: &“A dazzling, delightful read on what animal cognition can teach us about our own mental shortcomings.&” —Adam Grant The house cat who&’s better at picking winning stocks than actual fund managers Elephants who love to drink Pigeons who are better than radiologists at spotting cancerous tissue Bumblebees who are geniuses at teaching each other soccer What emerges is both demystifying and remarkable, and will change how you look at animals, humans, and the meaning of life itself. San Francisco Chronicle bestseller • BOOKRIOT Best Books of the Year • Next Big Idea Book Club Best Science Books of the Year &“I love the book, and everyone should read it.&” —Ryan Holiday "Undeniably entertaining." —TheNew York Times
If Only She Knew: A twisty humorous mystery series (If Only She Knew Mystery Series #1)
by Pamela CraneWITH OVER 100,000 COPIES SOLD, THIS HUMOROUS MYSTERY SERIES IS GUARANTEED TO KEEP YOU ON YOUR TOES!For over a century, death visits Bloodson Bay on the same day every year, and no one knows why…When a girl goes missing, Peace Bloodson's family is blamed as the "curse" strikes again—a deadly phenomenon that happens every year in her small town. Dark tales are retold in fearful whispers around campfires about an ancient murder. Wide-eyed children search the shadows for ghosts said to haunt the townsfolk. And the abandoned manor at the edge of Peace's farm, called the Slaughter Shed for good reason, holds unexplainable mysteries.As the rumors and body count grow, so does Peace's determination to crack the case. A hidden journal reveals a sinister family history along with a chilling link to the missing girl. To restore Peace's reputation and lay the spirits to rest, she must expose this terrible secret.While Peace is dangerously close to causing a public scandal and tearing her life apart, she faces a much more sinister threat. Someone will kill to keep the truth hidden as she faces the same deadly fate.Throw on your favorite flannel and combat boots, then dive into this 1990s throwback thriller that smells like teen spirit as a group of friends risk their so-called lives to stop a century-old murder spree...Fans of Nita Prose's The Maid, Janet Evanovich's Stephanie Plum Series, and Richard Osman's The Thursday Murder Club are raving about this witty new twisty mystery series!Buy If Only She Knew to start this addicting series today!
If Only You (The Bergman Brothers #6)
by Chloe LieseA longtime good girl and unapologetic bad boy score the love of their life when they least expect to in this swoony, slow-burn sports romance.Ziggy Bergman is tired of being underestimated. Sure, she&’s the youngest player on the National Soccer team and the baby of the family, but that doesn&’t mean she still deserves to be treated like a kid. It&’s time for her angelic image to get a makeover. What better way to do that than hanging out with trouble incarnate and her brother&’s best friend, Sebastian Gauthier?Sebastian has hit rock bottom. His hockey career and sponsorships are in jeopardy of ending if something doesn&’t give. Seb&’s not willing to actually change his destructive ways, but he&’s happy to pretend he&’s a reformed reprobate by faking a friendship for publicity with sweet, shy Ziggy Bergman.When faking starts to feel real, Ziggy and Seb discover an unexpected friendship they&’re happy to hold on to. At least, until their once-fake friendship becomes the most loving, empowering relationship they&’ve ever known, and the end goal—for both of them—changes.
If Rednecks Had Been the Chosen People
by Charlie Thompson"In the beginning, God created Alabama," from which Adam Bob and Eveleen were banished because they ate the forbidden asparagus. This book humorously outlines the Old Testament from a Southern perspective without losing the integrity of the message.
If Someone Says "You Complete Me," RUN!: Whoopi's Big Book of Relationships
by Whoopi GoldbergFrom the provocative and hilarious EGOT winner, bestselling author, and host of The View, Whoopi Goldberg, comes the perfect antidote to all those outdated relationship advice books in the world, weighing in on why marriage isn't for everybody, and how the life you want shouldn't be the life everyone else expects you to have.Whoopi Goldberg has been an electrifying, envelope-pushing public figure of many stripes: acclaimed actor, comedienne, singer, songwriter, author, political activist and talk show host. Now, Whoopi will speak openly about why marriage isn't for everyone, how being alone can be satisfying, and how what's most important is understanding who you are and what makes you happy. Wise, funny, and conversation-starting, Whoopi's message is sure to resonate with the millions of people who struggle with relationships every day. Goldberg says: "I get to hear from a lot of different people about relationships and this got me trying to figure out why the divorce rate is SO high. It occurred to me that as one who has done it badly often, I might have some insight. It's hard to really know the other person's agenda, but if someone says 'you complete me'...RUN!!!"
If The Slipper Fits
by Elizabeth HarbisonLIVING IN A FAIRY TALE...Prince Conrad of Beloria arrived in New York to host a charity banquet n his family's honor, his playboy reputation preceding him. Every eligible society girl in town wanted to accompany the wealthy royal to the ball. But to his stepmother's dismay, the handsome prince only had eyes for one woman....The wrong woman.Hotel concierge Lily Tilden wasn't A-list, but Conrad was immediately smitten with her beauty, brains and poise. And while his position required a more appropriate candidate, Conrad would need all the cunning his noble legacy had taught him to now reconcile the duties of the crown with the desires of his heart...
If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe: A John, Dave, and Amy Novel (John Dies at the End #4)
by Jason ParginNew York Times bestselling author Jason Pargin’s hilarious and horrifying John Dies at the End series continues with If This Book Exists, You’re in the Wrong Universe."Pargin once again delights with scathing social commentary thinly disguised as an outrageous action novel...This is a feast."—Publishers Weekly "Within the snarky humor is an incisive commentary on social media and the state of our connected world, and a story about trauma and how people lash out when they’re hurt...This isn’t just a funny tale of inept supernatural investigators; it’s a story of people struggling through pain to find a better path. Pargin offers us a welcome note of hope." — BooklistIf the broken neon signs, shuttered storefronts, and sub-standard housing didn’t tip you off, you’ve just wandered into the city of “Undisclosed”. You don’t want to be caught dead here, because odds are you just might find yourself rising from the grave. That hasn’t stopped tourists from visiting to check out the unusual phenomena that hangs around our town like radioactive fallout. Interdimensional parasites feeding on human hosts, paranormal cults worshipping demonic entities, vengeful teenage sorcerers, we’ve got it all.Did I mention the possessed toy? It’s a plastic football-sized egg that’s supposed to hatch an adorable, colorful stuffed bird when a child “feeds” it through a synchronized smartphone app. What’s actually inside is an otherworldly monstrosity that’s enticing impressionable wayward youth into murdering folks and depositing their body parts inside the egg as if it’s a hungry piggy bank to trigger the end of the world.That’s where Dave, John, and Amy come in. They face supernatural threats so the rest of us don’t have to—and sometimes even earn a couple of bucks to so do. But between the bloody ritual sacrifices and soul-crushing nightmares, our trio realizes this apocalypse is way above their pay grade.
If This Gets Out
by Cale Dietrich Sophie Gonzales"If This Gets Out is an absolute showstopper! Equal parts edgy and adorable, this bright, joyful book has everything I look for in a queer YA romance." - Phil Stamper, bestselling author of The Gravity of UsOne of the world's biggest boy bands. A secret love. What happens if the world finds out? A queer YA boy band romance from Sophie Gonzales and Cale Dietrich, perfect for fans of Only Mostly Devastated and What If It's Us.Eighteen-year-olds Ruben Montez and Zach Knight are two members of the boy-band Saturday, one of the biggest acts in America. Along with their bandmates, Angel Phan and Jon Braxton, the four are teen heartbreakers in front of the cameras and best friends backstage. But privately, cracks are starting to form: their once-easy rapport is straining under the pressures of fame, and Ruben confides in Zach that he's feeling smothered by management's pressure to stay in the closet.On a whirlwind tour through Europe, with both an unrelenting schedule and minimal supervision, Ruben and Zach come to rely on each other more and more, and their already close friendship evolves into a romance. But when they decide they're ready to tell their fans and live freely, Zach and Ruben start to truly realize that they will never have the support of their management. How can they hold tight to each other when the whole world seems to want to come between them?"Deftly explores the dark side of fame and the giddy thrill of first - and forbidden - love." - Mackenzi Lee, New York Times bestselling author"A sweet and swoon-worthy romance. Zach and Ruben are a pitch-perfect duet!" - Caleb Roehrig, author of Last Seen Leaving"Dazzles . . . with a narrative of queer boy-bandmates who wrestle with newfound fame, and newfound feelings for each other. Readers will fall in love." - Adam Sass, author of Surrender Your Sons"Blends the ache and the beauty of coming out under the lights of celebrity with the ways in which queer love is told to stay hidden, even when it's the only thing keeping the music going." - L.C. Rosen, author of Camp
If This Gets Out
by Cale Dietrich Sophie Gonzales"If This Gets Out is an absolute showstopper! Equal parts edgy and adorable, this bright, joyful book has everything I look for in a queer YA romance." - Phil Stamper, bestselling author of The Gravity of UsOne of the world's biggest boy bands. A secret love. What happens if the world finds out? A queer YA boy band romance from Sophie Gonzales and Cale Dietrich, perfect for fans of Only Mostly Devastated and What If It's Us.Eighteen-year-olds Ruben Montez and Zach Knight are two members of the boy-band Saturday, one of the biggest acts in America. Along with their bandmates, Angel Phan and Jon Braxton, the four are teen heartbreakers in front of the cameras and best friends backstage. But privately, cracks are starting to form: their once-easy rapport is straining under the pressures of fame, and Ruben confides in Zach that he's feeling smothered by management's pressure to stay in the closet."Deftly explores the dark side of fame and the giddy thrill of first - and forbidden - love." - Mackenzi Lee, New York Times bestselling author"A sweet and swoon-worthy romance. Zach and Ruben are a pitch-perfect duet!" - Caleb Roehrig, author of Last Seen Leaving"Dazzles . . . with a narrative of queer boy-bandmates who wrestle with newfound fame, and newfound feelings for each other. Readers will fall in love." - Adam Sass, author of Surrender Your Sons"Blends the ache and the beauty of coming out under the lights of celebrity with the ways in which queer love is told to stay hidden, even when it's the only thing keeping the music going." - L.C. Rosen, author of Camp(P) 2021 Macmillan Audio
If This Isn't Nice, What Is?: Advice for the Young
by Kurt Vonnegut Dan WakefieldMaster storyteller and satirist Kurt Vonnegut was one of the most in-demand commencement speakers of his time. For each occasion, Vonnegut's words were unfailingly unique, insightful, and witty, and they stayed with audience members long after graduation.As edited by Dan Wakefield, this book reads like a narrative in the unique voice that made Vonnegut a hero to readers of all ages. At times hilarious, razor-sharp, freewheeling, and deeply serious, these reflections are ideal for anyone undergoing what Vonnegut would call their "long-delayed puberty ceremony"-marking the passage from student to full-time adult.This book makes the perfect gift for high school or college graduates-or for parents and grandparents who remember Vonnegut fondly and want to connect with him in a new context.
If This is Paradise, I Want My Money Back: A Novel
by Claudia CarrollWhat if you got the opportunity to come back to life…as a guardian angel to your evil ex-boyfriend? That’s the hilarious premise of If This is Paradise I Want My Money Back, a wonderfully clever and charming tale of heavenly revenge from Claudia Carroll, the bestselling author of I Never Fancied Him Anyway and Remind Me Again Why I Need a Man. Fans of smart, contemporary women’s fiction like the bestselling novels of Meg Cabot and Marion Keyes will adore this delightful romp, as Charlotte Grey makes her way back to Earth for a second chance…at retribution!
If We Were Us
by K. L. WaltherMorgan Matson meets Becky Albertalli in this story of two best friends who are forced to confront truths about their friendship, identities, and relationships their senior year at boarding school.Everyone at the prestigious Bexley School believes that Sage Morgan and Charlie Carmichael are meant to be. Even though Charlie seems to have a new girlfriend every month, and Sage has never had a real relationship, their friends and family all know it's just a matter of time until they realize that they are actually in love.When Luke Morrissey shows up on the Bexley campus his presence immediately shakes things up. Charlie and Luke are drawn to each other the moment they meet, giving Sage the opportunity to steal away to spend time with Charlie's twin brother, Nick.But Charlie is afraid of what others will think if he accepts that he has much more than a friendship with Luke, that he's never felt this way before. And Sage fears that if she lets things with Nick get too serious too quickly, they won't be able to last as a couple outside of high school and miss their chance at forever. The duo will need to rely on each other and their lifelong friendship to figure things out with the boys they love.
If Wishes Were Heroes
by Alice SharpeIt's just a lamp. Really. There's nothing magical about it.I bought it at a garage sale because I thought it would make a nice prop. It's just that, ever since then, some really weird things have been happening....But maybe I should make a wish-just in case.Now this gorgeous guy, Alan Kincaid, wants the lamp back. He seems to think there is something pretty special about it. That's crazy, right? I'm sure it's just a coincidence that my first wish came true. But I'm starting to think that Alan could be my wish number two-and three, and four, and...