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If You Ask Me
by Libby HubscherWhen an advice columnist&’s picture-perfect life implodes, she opts to go rogue in this hilarious, heartwarming romance from the author of Meet Me in Paradise. Violet Covington pens Dear Sweetie, the most popular advice column in the state of North Carolina. She has an answer for how to politely handle any difficult situation…until she discovers her husband, Sam, has been cheating on her. Furious and out of sensible solutions, Violet leaves her filter at the door and turns to her column to air her own frustrations. The new, brutally honest Dear Sweetie goes viral, sending more shock waves through Violet&’s life. When she burns Sam&’s belongings in a front-yard, late-night bonfire, a smoking-hot firefighter named Dez shows up to douse the flames, and an unexpected fling quickly shows potential to become something longer lasting. A lot of people want to see the old polished Violet return—including her boss, who finds her unpredictability hard to manage, and Sam, who&’s begging for another chance. But Dez appreciates Violet just the way she is—in fact, he can&’t get enough of her. The right answers don&’t come easily when Violet finds herself at her own personal crossroads. But maybe, by getting real, Violet can write her own happy ending.
If You Can't Take the Heat: Tales of Food, Feminism, and Fury
by Geraldine DeRuiterNATIONAL BESTSELLER • From the James Beard Award–winning blogger behind The Everywhereist come hilarious, searing essays on how food and cooking stoke the flames of her feminism.&“With charm and humor, Geraldine DeRuiter welcomes us into her personal history and thus reconnects us with ourselves.&”—Mikki Kendall, New York Times bestselling author of Hood FeminismWhen celebrity chef Mario Batali sent out an apology letter for the sexual harassment allegations made against him, he had the gall to include a recipe—for cinnamon rolls, of all things. Geraldine DeRuiter decided to make the recipe, and she happened to make food journalism history along with it. Her subsequent essay, with its scathing commentary about the pervasiveness of misogyny in the food world, would be read millions of times, lauded by industry luminaries from Martha Stewart to New York Times restaurant critic Pete Wells, and would land DeRuiter in the middle of a media firestorm. She found herself on the receiving end of dozens of threats when all she wanted to do was make something to eat (and, okay fine, maybe take down the patriarchy).In If You Can&’t Take the Heat, DeRuiter shares stories about her shockingly true, painfully funny (and sometimes just painful) adventures in gastronomy. We&’ll learn how she finally got a grip on her debilitating anxiety by emergency meal–planning for the apocalypse. (&“You are probably deeply worried that in times of desperation I would eat your pets. And yes, I absolutely would.&”) Or how she learned to embrace her hanger. (&“Because women can be a lot of things, but we can&’t be angry. Or president, apparently.&”) And how she inadvertently caused another international incident with a negative restaurant review. (She made it on to the homepage of The New York Times&’s website! And she got more death threats!)Deliciously insightful and bitingly clever, If You Can&’t Take the Heat is a fresh look at food and feminism from one of the culinary world&’s sharpest voices.
If You Cry like a Fountain
by Noemi VolaA quirky and surprisingly funny picture book about the many practical uses for tears, for fans of Big Feelings.In an attempt to cheer up a sad-looking worm, a narrator makes things worse by causing the worm to cry. But in the process of trying to make the sobbing worm feel better, the narrator starts to think of the various ways tears can be used productively. For example, if you&’re sad around lunchtime, cry until you fill a pot with your tears and boil pasta — you won&’t even need to season with salt! Crying can be used to dilute paint, and with paint, you can make beautiful art. Crying also serves lots of different purposes. Without tears, the rivers would dry up. Clouds would keep getting bigger and bigger. And crying also helps the pears to grow, and with pears, you can make jam. Jam makes people happy, and can help staunch the flow of tears . . . at least until the jam runs out!Join a tearful worm and a bungling narrator as they explore the many uses for tears in this hilarious and quirky picture book by up-and-coming author-illustrator Noemi Vola.
If You Didn't Bring Jerky, What Did I Just Eat?: Misadventures in Hunting, Fishing, and the Wilds of Suburbia (Laugh Lines Ser.)
by Bill HeaveyA hilarious collection of essays dedicated to life in the great outdoors from Field & Stream’s acclaimed Sportsman’s Life columnist. For nearly a decade, Bill Heavey, an outdoorsman marooned in suburbia, has written the Sportsman’s Life column on the back page of Field & Stream, where he does for hunting and fishing what David Feherty does for golf and Lewis Grizzard did for the South. If You Didn’t Bring Jerky, What Did I Just Eat? is the first collection of Heavey’s sidesplitting observations on life as a hardcore (but often hapless) outdoorsman. Whether he’s hunting cougars in the desert, scheming to make his five-year-old daughter love fishing, or chronicling his father’s life through a succession of canine companions, Heavey brings his trademark wit to a wide-range of outdoor enthusiasms, running the gamut from elite expeditions to ordinary occupations. In turns hysterical and poignant, entertaining and educational, this is an irresistible addition to the collection of any avid outdoorsman—or any suburbanite intrigued by the call of the wild.
If You Don't Laugh You'll Cry: Life and love from either side of the TV screen
by Angie KentAngie Kent won hearts and friends when she partnered with best friend Yvie Jones to commentate from the couch as we watched them watching TV on Gogglebox. Then Angie proved a stalwart on the 2019 season of I'm a Celebrity ... Get Me Out of Here! And THEN she became the unforgettable 2019 Bachelorette. It's clear Australia can't get enough of Angie - and now she gives us some of her quirky, funny, warm-hearted wisdom on life, love and everything in between, in the form of a book.With no holds barred - just as you'd expect - Angie talks about her challenges with mental health and body image; her family and friends; what has and hasn't worked in her relationships, and what she has learned - the hard way - about life. There are plenty of laughs, and some tears, and always plenty of heart. Angie's is the voice of your imaginary best friend - the one who always has your back, and who knows just what to say because she's been there before.
If You Ever Want to Bring a Circus to the Library, Don't! (Magnolia Says DON'T! #3)
by Elise Parsley<P>If you see a poster that says "You Can Do Anything at the Library!", it is NOT giving you permission to put on a circus! <P>But Magnolia doesn't see any problem with setting up her own big top. She's got a lot of gusto and one mean human cannonball routine. <P>So what if her greatest show on Earth won't fit between the bookshelves? <P>Elise Parsley's boldly expressive illustrations perfectly complement this mostly-librarian-approved guide on how to be everything BUT quiet in the library!
If You Ever Want to Bring a Piano to the Beach, Don't!
by Elise ParsleyElise Parsley's tale of the charismatic and willful Magnolia's disastrous trip to the beach follows up her New York Times bestselling debut, If You Ever Want to Bring an Alligator to School, Don't! If your mom says to get ready to play at the beach, she means with a boat, or a Frisbee, or a shovel. She is NOT talking about the piano. But Magnolia is a little girl with a big idea, determination, and one very heavy upright piano that, she insists, she needs to take with her. What's the worst that can happen? In a riotous series of mishaps, Magnolia quickly learns that--not surprisingly--a piano doesn't mix well with sand, sun, and seagulls!
If You Ever Want to Bring a Pirate to Meet Santa, Don't! (Magnolia Says DON'T! #4)
by Elise ParsleyThe fourth book in the New York Times-bestselling Magnolia Says DON'T! series that started with If You Ever Want to Bring an Alligator to School, Don't! is another loud and cautionary tale of what not to do...when you visit Santa.If your dad says you're going to meet a bearded guy with a red suit and a bag full of treasures...he is not talking about meeting a pirate! But Magnolia has already invited the misbehaving swashbuckler to jump in line to meet Santa. So what if pirates are on the Naughty List? She'll just teach this one to change his scurvy ways--no plundering or sword-fighting or plank-walking allowed! Plus, Santa is happy to hear everyone's wish list. Right?It's YO HO HO versus HO HO HO in this rowdy and raucous holiday guide on how not to meet Santa, from Elise Parsley, the bestselling creator of If You Ever Want to Bring an Alligator to School, DON'T!
If You Ever Want to Bring an Alligator to School, Don't!
by Elise ParsleyNote to self: If your teacher tells you to bring something from nature for show-and-tell, she does not want you to bring an alligator! <P><P>But nothing will stop Magnolia, who's determined to have the best show-and-tell of all--until her reptilian rapscallion starts getting her into some major trouble. <P>Now it's up to Magnolia to find a way to send this troublemaker home--but what could possibly scare an alligator away?
If You Follow Me: A Novel
by Malena Watrous“I love, love, love If You Follow Me. It’s fearlessly honest, occasionally heartbreaking, and extremely funny, and I can’t recommend it highly enough.” — Curtis Sittenfeld, New York Times bestselling author of Prep and American Wife“Graceful, smart, and filled with wonder, If You Follow Me is a heartfelt delight from beginning to end.” — Michelle Richmond, bestselling author of The Year of FogBeautifully wrought and deftly written, If You Follow Me is the stunning debut novel from author Malena Watrous. It tells the story of Marina, who moves to Japan to teach English shortly after her father’s tragic suicide, and finds unexpected solace with her Japanese supervisor and seemingly indifferent neighbors. Fans of the works of Curtis Sittenfeld, Diana Spechler, and Min Jin Lee, as well as those interested in Japanese culture, will love If You Follow Me.
If You Give a Cat a Cupcake
by Laura Joffe NumeroffThe lovable cat who first appeared in "If You Give a Pig a Party" now stars in his very own book--the newest story in the "New York Times"-bestselling series.
If You Give a Man a Cookie: A Parody
by Laura Joffe NumeroffIf you give a man a cookie...he's going to want milk to go with it...God forbid he should get it himself.If You Give a Man a Cookie is a woman&’s commentary about her helpless man and the chain of events that leads him on a journey from the bed to the bathroom to the couch and back to bed at nightfall.
If You Give a Moose a Muffin (If You Give...)
by Laura NumeroffIf a big hungry moose comes to visit, you might give him a muffin to make him feel at home. If you give him a muffin, he'll want some jam to go with it. When he's eaten all your muffins, he'll want to go to the store to get some more muffin mix...In this hilarious sequel to the beloved If You Give a Mouse a Cookie, the young host is again run ragged by a surprise guest. Young readers will delight in the comic complications that follow when a little boy entertains a gregarious moose.The If You Give... series is a perennial favorite among children. With its spare, rhythmic text and circular tale, these books are perfect for beginning readers and story time. Sure to inspire giggles and requests to "read it again!"Other favorites in Laura Numeroff and Felicia Bond's bestselling series include:If You Give a Cat a CupcakeIf You Give a Dog a DonutIf You Give a Mouse a CookieIf You Give a Pig a PancakeIf You Give a Pig a Party
If You Give a Mouse a Brownie (If You Give...)
by Laura NumeroffMouse is back in this ninth picture book in the beloved #1 New York Times bestselling If You Give... series! If you give a mouse a brownie, he's going to ask for some ice cream to go with it. When you give him the ice cream, he'll probably ask you for a spoon. He'll start drumming on the table. Drumming will get him so excited he'll want to start a band. . . .Mouse makes his long-anticipated return to the spotlight in this winning picture book from the acclaimed team of Laura Numeroff and Felicia Bond. Fans of If You Give a Mouse a Cookie won't want to miss this!
If You Give a Mouse a Cookie: A Treasury (If You Give...)
by Laura Joffe NumeroffIf a hungry little traveler shows up at your house, you might want to give him a cookie. If you give him a cookie, he's going to ask for a glass of milk. He'll want to look in a mirror to make sure he doesn't have a milk mustache, and then he'll ask for a pair of scissors to give himself a trim....The consequences of giving a cookie to this energetic mouse run the young host ragged, but young readers will come away smiling at the antics that tumble like dominoes through the pages of this delightful picture book.
If You Give a Mouse an iPhone: A Cautionary Tail
by Ann DroydThe perfect gift for parents everywhere, from the New York Times bestselling author of Goodnight iPad. The parody of If You Give a Mouse a Cookie that every parent will relate to. If you give in to temptation and give a bored little mouse your iPhone, even for ten minutes, he&’s probably going to beam to some faraway place beyond time, space, and the sound of your pleading voice. And if he&’s that far gone, he won&’t have any idea what&’s going on around him, and he might end up missing out on all the real fun. From the New York Times-bestselling author of Goodnight iPad comes a delightful new commentary on the perils of our tech-obsessed lives and a fully charged romp for readers of all ages.
If You Give a Pig a Pancake (If You Give...)
by Laura NumeroffIf you give a pig a pancake, she'll want some syrup to go with it. You'll give her some of your favorite maple syrup, and she'll probably get all sticky, so she'll want to take a bath. She'll ask you for some bubbles. When you give her the bubbles...Readers will delight in the story of an accommodating little girl who tries to keep up with the whims of a busy little pig. Fans of If You Give a Mouse a Cookie will love this perfect addition to the series!The If You Give... series is a perennial favorite among children. With its spare, rhythmic text and circular tale, these books are perfect for beginning readers and story time. Sure to inspire giggles and requests to "read it again!"Other favorites in Laura Numeroff and Felicia Bond's bestselling series include:If You Give a Cat a CupcakeIf You Give a Dog a DonutIf You Give a Moose a MuffinIf You Give a Mouse a CookieIf You Give a Pig a Party
If You Give a Pig the White House: A Parody for Adults
by Faye KanouseA coiffed and blustery pig has shoved his way into the White House! A cleverly worded and illustrated picture book, this is the adult parody of the beloved children’s cautionary tale, If You Give a Pig a Pancake. Watch in dismay as the presidential pig gets into trouble, binges on too much Fox News and fast food, and cavalierly threatens national security. If You Give a Pig the White House both lovingly caricatures the original children's book series and shows just what can happen when a greedy anti-hero tracks his hooves all over America.
If You Had a Jetpack
by Lisl H. DetlefsenA fun and creative answer to the question "what would YOU do if you had a jetpack?" perfect for fans of Boy and Bot and How to Train a Train.Having a jetpack is fun--if you know what to do with one. If you had a jetpack, you could:Teach your brother how to build one too.Demonstrate its usefulness at Show and Share Time at school.Give your principal a ride home.Fly south to visit your nana.Visit the astronauts on the space station and help with anything that needed fixing.Join one inventive little rabbit as he and his brother put their new jetpack to good use!"An energetic, crowd-pleasing read-aloud that can be revisited again and again."--SLJ"This vivid picture book will leave kids longing for jetpacks, while taking off on their own flights of fancy."--Booklist
If You Happen to Have a Dinosaur
by Linda BaileyA tongue-in-cheek look at the practical uses of dinosaurs by a dynamic author/illustrator team. If you happen to have a dinosaur, lying around your living room, and you don't know what to do with it ... why don't you use it as a can opener? It will make a terrific nutcracker too! There are oodles of uses for a dinosaur -- from a fine umbrella to an excellent kite and a dandy pillow, not to mention a reliable burglar alarm and the perfect excuse to forget your homework. This delightfully absurd exploration of the domestic uses of dinosaurs -- and the things dinos just aren't good for at all -- is guaranteed to tickle funny bones and spark imaginations. If you read carefully, you'll learn how to make your dinosaur last a very long time.
If You Just Say Yes
by Reon LaudatManhattan journalist Michelle Michaels just can't seem to get a break when she finds herself the subject of false rumors. Now she's being blindsided by her own boss. Wrongly suspecting her of trading sex for scoops, he's caved in to the shady newsroom gossip and sent Michelle quietly packing on a leave of absence to her hometown of Detroit where some family secrets still lurk. With a career on the DL and a love life at low-ebb, Michelle's hit rock bottom-until she meets dark, dimpled, and delicious Wesley Abbott...Detroit reporter Wesley Abbott's plate is full investigating a corrupt local judge. Now he's got something else to investigate-and she's the sweetest thing to sashay into the Herald in years. But Michelle and Wesley have more in common than they ever imagined, and it's not just mellow vibes. In fact, it's a scandal! And when these two bodies bump, so does trouble-with a capital T...
If You Lived Here You'd Already be Home: Stories
by John JodzioJohn Jodzio, whose recent breakout collection Knockout was hailed by the New York Times Book Review (every story inventive and a pleasure to read) and NPR (€œHes a compassionate writer who is refreshingly unafraid to take risks, and his book is, well, a knockout), returns with this expanded and updated edition of his cult classic. Jodzio has been lauded for his writing that delicately walks the line between the pain and humor of human experience, the small truths that are exposed through ludicrous situations, and the captivating characters that must navigate them.
If You Lived Here You'd Be Famous by Now: True Stories from Calabasas
by Via BleidnerIf You Lived Here You'd Be Famous by Now is an insider’s collection of funny and warmhearted stories about coming of age in the Los Angeles suburb famed for birthing the Kardashian-Jenners and the Bling RingFor Via Bleidner, transferring to Calabasas High from the private Catholic school she’s attended since second grade is a culture shock, not to mention absolutely lonely. Suddenly thrust into an unfamiliar world of celebrities, affluenza, and McMansions, Via takes a page from Cameron Crowe and pretends she’s on a journalism assignment, taking notes on her classmates and jotting down bits of overheard gossip.Getting through high school in Calabasas is something else—from Kim Kardashian endorsing the students’ favorite hidden lunch spot, to the theater program hiring a famous dog to play Elle Woods' Chihuahua in its production of Legally Blonde, and Kanye trying to take control of your school to make it the very first YEEZY institution.But instead of floating through high school detached from her peers, Via finds that putting herself out there—for her writing, of course—just might have been exactly what she needed. She unexpectedly finds an eclectic group of friends to call her own, including a multi-multi-millionaire, a wild-card throwback intent on going viral, a former Disney actor, and a doughnut-dealing madman.With wit, candor, and sharp observations, twenty-one-year-old Via grounds the surreal glamour of Calabasas with reflections on her own coming-of-age, sharing her teenage misadventures as she struggles to fit in, faces crushing social pressure, and eventually makes her own way.
If You Love Something
by Jayce Ellis"A lovingly drawn depiction of Black family dynamics." —Publishers Weekly on Learned ReactionsA marriage lost is found again in this cheeky new romantic comedy from acclaimed author Jayce Ellis. As executive chef at one of the hottest restaurants in DC, DeShawn Franklin has almost everything he&’s ever wanted. He&’s well-known, his restaurant is Michelin starred and he can write his own ticket anywhere he wants. Until his grandmother calls him home and drops two bombshells:1) She has cancer and she&’s not seeking treatment.2) She&’s willing half her estate to DeShawn&’s ex-husband, Malik.Make that three bombshells. 3) That whole divorce thing? It didn&’t quite go through. DeShawn and Malik are still married.And when DeShawn&’s shady uncle contests Grandma&’s will, there&’s only one path back to justice: play it like he and Malik have reconciled. They need to act like a married couple just long enough to dispense with the lawsuit.Once DeShawn is back in Malik&’s orbit, it&’s not hard to remember why they parted. All the reasons he walked away remain—but so do all the reasons he fell in love in the first place.Carina Adores is home to highly romantic contemporary love stories where LGBTQ+ characters find their happily-ever-afters. Discover a new Carina Adores book every month!
If You Never Come Back
by Sarah SmithI hate Valentine’s Day for one reason and one reason only: Wes Paulsen.He came into my life like a wrecking ball one year ago today. After an incredible night together, we were inseparable for months. I’d never been happier in a relationship—neither had he. We were just starting to build a life together when everything changed...Turns out Wes was hiding things from me—big things. I wanted to work through it, but he walked out, never giving me—never giving us a chance. I didn’t know how I’d be able to get over him, but I threw myself into my art. After months of working nonstop to escape the memories of Wes, my career’s finally taking off and what do you know—Wes walked back into my life. Once again on Valentine’s Day.One year to the day that we met.I’ve spent six months hardening my heart. It should be easy to reject him, to tell him I’ve moved on. But he’s doing everything—and more—to win me back. He’s being the boyfriend I’ve always wanted. It’ll take everything in me to resist him—I’m not even sure if I can. But I’ll sure as hell try.