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If You Take a Mouse to School (If You Give...)
by Laura NumeroffMouse goes to school in this picture book in the beloved #1 New York Times bestselling If You Give... series!If you take a mouse to school, he'll ask you for your lunch box. When you give him your lunch box, he'll want a sandwich to go in it. Then he'll need a notebook and some pencils. He'll probably want to share your backpack, too.The famous mouse from If You Take a Mouse to the Movies and If You Give a Mouse a Cookie is back for his first day of school. Only Laura Numeroff and Felicia Bond could make school this much fun!A perfect addition to the classic and beloved series—be sure to collect them all!
If You Take a Mouse to the Movies (If You Give...)
by Laura NumeroffMouse celebrates the holidays in this picture book in the beloved #1 New York Times bestselling If You Give... series!If you take a mouse to the movies, he'll ask you for some popcorn. If you give him the popcorn, he'll want to string it all together. Then he'll want to hang it on a Christmas tree.The famous little mouse from If You Give a Mouse a Cookie that has delighted millions of readers is back in an irresistible tale full of holiday antics. Collect all the books in this giggle-inspiring classic series!
If You Want to Knit Some Mittens
by Laura Purdie SalasIn this humorous picture book, a girl's desire to knit mittens leads to something even better: the warmth of friendship.How do you knit a pair of mittens? The first step is to get a sheep of course! In this playful story, a girl follows 18 steps to knit mittens--from bringing home a sheep to carding, spinning, and dyeing the wool to knitting the mittens. But along the way, her mischievous sheep creates chaos and wins her heart. By wintertime, the girl has sunny-yellow mittens, the sheep has a sunny-yellow hat, and together they're ready for adventure. This tale of patience, creativity, and friendship is knitted from skeins of humor and love.
If You Were Here
by Jen LancasterAmish-zombie-teen-romance author Mia and her husband Mac buy and renovate their first home in the Chicago suburbs that John Hughes' movies made famous. Along their harrowing renovation journey, they get caught up in various wars with the homeowners' association, meet some less-than-friendly neighbors, and are joined by a hilarious cast of supporting characters.
If You Were a Chocolate Mustache
by J. Patrick Lewis Matthew CordellIn this tasty collection, J. Patrick Lewis displays the breadth and depth of his talent, giving readers of any and every sensibility something to make them laugh out loud. He stirs humor into an astonishing array of subjects--from animals to school to dragons to food. And he delivers them in a remarkable variety of forms, including riddles, limericks, nonsense rhymes, parodies, anagrams, story poems, haiku, and more. <P><P>Baked in Lewis's brilliant imagination and sprinkled with Matthew Cordell's warm, witty drawings, the result is a collection to delight the taste buds.
If You're A Monster And You Know It
by Ed Emberley Rebecca EmberleyA brand-new monster twist on a classic song by Caldecott Medalist Ed Emberley and his daughter, Rebecca Emberley.Children will stomp their paws, twitch their tails, snort and growl, and wiggle and wriggle along with this bright and bold picture book twist on "If You're Happy and You Know It." Rebecca Emberley has written a rollicking text, which she has illustrated in collaboration with her father, Caldecott Medalist Ed Emberley. Includes a fun sing-along song by Adrienne Emberley which can be downloaded at www.scholstic.com/ifyouramonsterandyouknowit
If You, Then Me
by Yvonne WoonWarm and funny, this coming-of-age romcom from teen author Yvonne Woon is set in Silicon Valley and delves into the questions we all ask when making mistakes—in life and in love—perfect for fans of Emergency Contact and When Dimple Met Rishi. <p><p> What would you ask your future self? First question: What does it feel like to kiss someone?Xia is stuck in a lonely, boring loop. Her only escapes are Wiser, an artificial intelligence app she designed to answer questions as her future self, and a mysterious online crush she knows only as ObjectPermanence. <p><p> Until one day Xia enrolls at the Foundry, an app incubator for tech prodigies in Silicon Valley, and suddenly anything is possible. Flirting with Mast, a classmate also working on AI, leads to a date. Speaking up generates a vindictive nemesis intent on publicly humiliating her. And running into Mitzy Erst, Foundry alumna and Xia’s idol, could give Xia all the answers. <p><p> And then Xia receives a shocking message from ObjectPermanence. He is at the Foundry, too. Xia is torn between Mast and ObjectPermanence—just as Mitzy pushes her towards a shiny new future. Xia doesn’t have to ask Wiser to know: The right choice could transform her into the future self of her dreams, but the wrong one could destroy her.
If You’d Just Let Me Finish
by Jeremy ClarksonClarkson is back with a brand new book of hilarious stories and observations about our gone-wrong world. ___________In November 2016 we woke up to the news that the forthright presenter of a popular television programme had become the most powerful man on the planet. His name, sadly, was not Jeremy Clarkson, but we might not have been any more surprised if it had been.Because the world seems to have taken a decidedly odd turn since Jeremy last reflected on the state of things between the covers of a book. But who better than JC to help us navigate our way through the mess?And while he's being trying to make sense of it all he's discovered one or two things along the way, including- The disabling effects of being vegan- How Blackpool might be improved by drilling a hole through it- The problem with meditation- A perfect location for rebuilding Palmyra- Why Tom Cruise can worship lizards if he wants toIt's all been a bit unsettling.But don't worry. If You'd Just Let Me Finish is Clarkson at his best. He may be as bemused, exasperated, amused and surprised as the rest of us, but in a world gone crazy, thank God someone has still got his head screwed on ...Praise for Clarkson:'Brilliant...laugh-out-loud' - Daily Telegraph'Outrageously funny...will have you in stiches' - Time Out'Very funny...I cracked up laughing on the tube' - Evening Standard
If a Pickle Could Talk
by M. J. McGovernAnnie looked up from her homework. Her younger brother Petey was sitting at the opposite end of the kitchen table, talking to a jar of pickles.
If the Gods Had Meant Us to Vote They Would Have Given Us Candidates: More Political Subversion from Jim Hightower (Revised Edition)
by Jim HightowerIf anything, in this presidential election special, he's madder than ever!In his earlier bestseller, There's Nothing in the Middle of the Road but Yellow Stripes and Dead Armadillos, Hightower only began to tap into the deep yearning that Americans have for a new politics that speaks to them from a real-world, kitchen-table perspective. Now, with the year 2000 being an especially significant marker for contemplating our country's direction, not only for the new year but for the new century and the new millennium, it's time for citizens to reclaim their political, economic, and cultural heritage.Leading the way with his hilariously irreverent yet profoundly serious book is our name-naming, podium-pounding, point-them-in-the-right-direction populist, Hightower himself. He whacks conventional wisdom right upside the head,showing,with startling facts and compelling personal stories, that despite a so-called period of prosperity, America's middle class is getting mugged, and that far from being ordained by the gods,globalization is globaloney! Hightower rips the mass off of the candidates, the parties, the consultants, and especially the moneyed powers whoa re supporting all of the leading presidential hopefuls. he's mad about them all--but what he's maddest about, what really gets his goat,is that they are all the same! To paraphrase Jim, American politicians are alike because they don't come cheap. In fact, they're all very expansive. which is why only the rich can own them and why their allegiance is definitely not to regular,worka-day citizens.No one is spared in this insightful and engaging blend of horror and success stories, hard-hitting commentary, laugh-out-loud humor, useful facts, and sparkling language. An equal opportunity muckraker and conscientious agitator for "We the people," Hightower inspires us to take charge again, to build a new politics, and, together, to build a better tomorrow. Jim Hightower's If the Gods Had Meant Us to Vote They Would Have Given Us Candidates proves yet again that his is a uniquely wise and peerlessly singular voice in the maelstrom of political prattle.
If the Raindrops United: Drawings and Cartoons
by Judah FriedlanderA book of hilarious and ingenious comic drawings from the popular 30 Rock star and "World Champion" comedian Judah Friedlander, hailed by Tina Fey as "one of the all-time great weirdos." Most Americans know Judah Friedlander from his role as Frank Rossitano on 30 Rock and from appearances in films like American Splendor and The Wrestler. But long before he became a film and TV star and stand-up comic Friedlander drew stuff. Now, in this quirky, hilarious, and surprisingly profound collection of drawings, Friedlander shows a new side to his "terrifically entertaining" (New York Times) comedy. Whether imagining George Washington in Las Vegas, plastic surgery for imperfect triangles, and the Keystone Pipeline as a sex act, Friedlander's "Joodles" push boundaries as they explore the absurdities of American life, sex, and even history and human rights. If the Raindrops United is a milestone in the career of one of America's most inventive comedians.Praise for If the Raindrops United:"Judah has drawn a weird and funny book in the grand '70s tradition of B. Kliban! I think this book will probably fix the world."--Tina Fey"Some people meditate. Some people masturbate. But if you don't have the time or patience for either of those, I recommend reading If the Raindrops United to calm down, have a little laugh, or a big think."--Susan Sarandon"I've known Judah for many years and I still don't understand how his mind works, but it sure works. Seriously strange. Seriously funny. A National Treasure. Sadly, I need to get a restraining order against him."--Paul Giamatti"Judah thank you for writing a funny twisted book. It is such an easy read. Even dum dums like me can enjoy it!!! Buy this book."--Dave Attell"Judah's drawings are deceptively simple, yet they become more compelling with every page. His talent as an actor/writer/comedian is further conveyed in ANOTHER medium. He's a Quadruple Threat. He wears many hats. Literally."--Janeane Garofalo"Reading Judah Friedlander's new book is a lot like hanging out with Judah himself: occasionally baffling, frequently thought-provoking, but, most of all, consistently hilarious!"--Mick Foley"To compare Judah Friedlander to a great cartoonist like Jim Davis would be a compliment to Jim Davis."--Wyatt Cenac"Another hit from The World Champ tackling the signs and symbols you frequently question while dropping hot lava in your American Standard VorMax."--Eddie Huang
If the River Was Whiskey
by T. C. BoyleIn sixteen stories, T.C. Boyle tears through the walls of contemporary society to reveal a world at once comic and tragic, droll and horrific. Boyle introduces us to a death-defying stuntman who rides across the country strapped to the axle of a Peterbilt, and to a retired primatologist who can't adjust to the "civilized" world. He chronicles the state of romance that requires full-body protection in a disease-conscious age and depicts with aching tenderness the relationship between a young boy and his alcoholic father. These magical and provocative stories mark yet another virtuoso performance from one of America's most supple and electric literary inventors.
If the Shoe Fits: If the Shoe Fits (Whatever After #2)
by Sarah MlynowskiThis second book in Sarah Mlynowski's charming series puts a fresh spin on the Cinderella story!Tonight the mirror swept us into Cinderella's fairy tale. Now, we are NOT messing this story up. No way. Cinderella is going to marry her prince just like she's supposed to. Uh-oh. Cinderella broke her foot and there's massive swelling. The glass slipper won't fit, the prince won't know she's the one for him, and they won't live happily ever after. And it's all our fault!To save the day we'll need to:- Learn how to use a dustpan- Stay out of jail- Find Cinderella a job- And make sure true love finds its way. We just have to get it all done before the clock strikes twelve and the chance for a happily ever after is gone . . . forever!
If... Stands Up
by Steve BellA new satirical extravaganza from one of Britain&’s best-loved political cartoonistsSteve Bell&’s If… cartoon strip in the Guardian attracted generations of loyal readers. If… Stands Up is his hilarious commentary on our current political madness.Unmissable highlights include a Jubilee fly-past over Buckingham Palace by Boris Johnson&’s bottom. Liz Truss taking back control of her own eyeballs. A dead-horse race between zombie "Treeza" May and pink-rubber fiend David Cameron, towing his bijou shepherd&’s hut. Rishi Sunak flogging the skeletal remains of Margaret Thatcher. Donald Trump with a golden toilet seat brain. And Keir Starmer, aka Keeves the butler, assuring the toffs that "the below-stairs movement is realigning its values with those of the British people." If… Stands Up also keeps a gimlet eye on Charles and the Royals.Bell draws an unforgettable picture of a nation that has left reality behind. Why did the chlorinated chicken cross the Atlantic? Who needs hell when you have the Conservative Party? Might the Labour leadership simply be robots in disguise? In a world of war and chauvinism, Bell picks himself up and goes in search of a new source of laughs. In this, if nothing else, Westminster politics rarely disappoints.
Iggy Is Better Than Ever (Iggy #2)
by Annie BarrowsThe second book in the Iggy series about the lovable troublemaker by New York Times bestselling author Annie Barrows (Ivy + Bean).One thing led to another . . .Have you ever heard those words? Sometimes it means "Things got better." That's not what it means in this book. In this book, Iggy gets an idea--a perfectly fine idea--and then, unfortunately, the principal shows up, and then, even more unfortunately, there's an incident with a basketball, and then, before you know it, Iggy's flying through the air.How did it all happen? It's really hard to explain. You'd better read the book.In the second book in Annie Barrows's series about how causing a little bit of trouble can sometimes be a whole lot of fun, Iggy almost realizes that the consequences of his actions can affect others. Almost.
Iggy Is the Hero of Everything (Iggy #3)
by Annie BarrowsThe third book in the Iggy series about the lovable troublemaker from New York Times bestselling author of Ivy + Bean.From Iggy's point of view, his plan was genius, pure genius. From Iggy's point of view, he's saved (a) his candy, (b) his family, and (c) the toaster. From Iggy's point of view, he should get a trophy. And respect. And more candy. So what if Rudy Heckie disagrees? Rudy Heckie has been wrong before and he'll be wrong again. Rudy has a scar now, and scars are cool! He should be happy. So should Mr. Heckie. So should Iggy's mom and dad. Everyone should be happy. Specifically, everyone should be happy with Iggy. But are they? It all depends on your point of viewIn the third installment of Annie Barrows's series about the secret joys of causing trouble, readers will learn about the power of interpretation (but we all know who's really right).
Iggy Loomis, A Hagfish Called Shirley
by Jennifer Allison Michael MoranDaniel is trying really hard to be a good older brother, especially now that Iggy has mutant insect abilities that he got from the alien next door. But when Iggy flushes the alien's pet hagfish down the toilet, he goes way too far. Now Shirley the hagfish is fated to a life in the sewers! It's up to Iggy to use his powers to find Shirley, but with his temper tantrums and fits--and everyone on Daniel's case--it looks more and more like Shirley will never come home. Can Daniel convince Iggy to save the day, before everyone is grounded for life? With aliens, superpowers, slime mold, pets, extra-slimy creatures, and Jennifer Allison's laugh-out-loud humor, this sequel to Iggy Loomis, Superkid in Training is an out-of-control good time!
Iggy Loomis, Superkid in Training
by Jennifer Allison Michael MoranA hilarious new illustrated science fiction series for elementary school readers! For fans of Captain Underpants, here comes Iggy Loomis -- already a huge pain in his older brother Daniel's you-know-what. But when a science experiment gone wrong makes Iggy's DNA mutate, Iggy gets cool super powers! Is Iggy going to turn into an alien? Daniel needs to stop Iggy right now--before EVERYONE gets in trouble! With aliens, gadgets, space travel, superpowers, spies, and Jennifer Allison's humor, this story is an out-of-this-world blast!
Iggy Rules the Animal Kingdom (Iggy #5)
by Annie BarrowsThe fifth and final book in the Iggy series about the lovable troublemaker, perfect for fans of The Terrible Two series.Grownups make no sense at allThey&’re nuts about babies, but they tell their 9-year-olds to be more mature. They complain constantly about how old they are, and then they tell their kids to grow up. So when Iggy&’s mom and dad say he can&’t have a puppy because he&’s not mature and responsible, Iggy develops an excellent plan to prove them wrong.Like any great plan, it involves secrecy, strategy, and a chinchilla.There&’s also some screaming, but that&’s not Iggy&’s fault.Is there a puppy, too? You&’ll have to read the book to find out.
Iggy The Legend (Iggy #4)
by Annie BarrowsThe fourth book in the Iggy series about the lovable troublemaker from New York Times bestselling author of Ivy + Bean.Grownups are always changing the rules! When grown-ups make money, it&’s good. But when Iggy makes money, all of a sudden it&’s bad. When grown-ups find something interesting on the sidewalk, it&’s finders keepers. But when Iggy finds something (very) interesting, finders keepers turns into You&’re In Trouble. Why is Iggy being blamed for something they never said he couldn&’t do? What did he do, you ask? Something legendary!
Iggy's World (Orca Currents)
by Gail Anderson-DargatzFourteen-year-old Iggy comes from a famous family. Well, sort of. His dad directs a cheesy sci-fi Web series, his mom writes for it, and his sister has a successful YouTube channel. Iggy doesn’t have the acting bug, so he feels like an outsider. Wanting to prove himself, Iggy starts his own podcast about what interests him: insects. But it’s not until Iggy embarrasses his famous sister on air that his podcast really takes off. He’s thrilled with his own success, until she fires back. Now it’s all-out war. Iggy’s World is an exploration of the age-old problem artists face: when we find inspiration from our real lives, what will our friends and family think? And, of course, just how much of our private lives do we really want to reveal online? This short novel is a high-interest, low-reading level book for middle-grade readers who are building reading skills, want a quick read or say they don’t like to read!
Ignite: A Red-hot Small-town Romance (The Wildwood Series #1)
by Karen EricksonWeston Gallagher is falling hard—for the wrong woman.One night of passion has haunted him for years.Now he’s got a second chance to get the girl of his dreams…but there’s just one problem:She hates him.Eight years after he stormed out of Wildwood, California, West has returned to his hometown as a firefighter. His friends and family are thrilled he’s back—with the exception of Harper Hill. His sister’s best friend is all grown up and in all the right ways. He knows she’s going to do everything she can to protect her heart and keep him at arm’s length, but West has other ideas.He will win the girl that got away. No matter what it takes…An Avon Romance
Ignorance, Thy Name Is Bucky: A Get Fuzzy Collection (Get Fuzzy #13)
by Darby ConleyChances are the warm fuzzies aren't what you will get when you pick up Ignorance, Thy Name Is Bucky. Instead, you'll get LOL moments as Darby Conley pumps hilarity into living the single life with pets.The family portrait: Rob Wilco, the tallest member of the family, is a single, mild-mannered ad executive who pays the bills and often the price, thanks to his curious and anthropomorphic housemates. Rob gives guidance and all sorts of "material" to Bucky, a temperamental cat, who clearly wears the fur pants in the family. Satchel, a good-hearted pooch, plays neutral, but usually ends up on the receiving end of Bucky's mischief."Thanks for Get Fuzzy, the funniest comic strip on planet Earth. Sweet-natured Satchel Pooch and the utterly crazed Bucky B. Katt are much more fun than Odie and Garfield." --Stephen King, Entertainment Weekly * Three Get Fuzzy collections have become New York Times best-sellers: Bucky Katt's Big Book of Fun, Blueprint for Disaster, and Say Cheesy.* Recognized as Best Comic Strip in 2002 by the National Cartoonists Society.
Iguana Boy Saves the World With a Triple Cheese Pizza: Book 1 (Iguana Boy #1)
by James BishopOne boy. One disappointing superpower. Can Dylan tame a bunch of hyper iguanas and come up with a masterful plan to save the WORLD? Yeah, probably ... but he's going to need a MASSIVE cheese pizza. Perfect for fans of Tom Gates, Future Ratboy and My Brother is a Superhero.Dylan has wanted a superpower for as long as he can remember, especially since his brother and sister have got really cool ones. But when his wish finally comes true, Dylan is MIGHTILY disappointed. For Dylan has become ... Iguana Boy. He can talk to Iguanas ... RUBBISH!And when supervillain Celina Shufflebottom kidnaps all the superheroes in London, Dylan must work out how to use his new team of chatty iguanas to save the day. He's going to have to think outside the box, (the pizza box), if he's going to become the hero he's always dreamed of. If he's going to make Iguana Boy cool.'HILARIOUS and so silly - superheroes, reptiles and pizza ... AWESOME, why didn't I think of that?!' Tom Fletcher
Iguana Boy Saves the World With a Triple Cheese Pizza: Book 1 (Iguana Boy #1)
by James BishopOne boy. One disappointing superpower. Can Dylan tame a bunch of hyper iguanas and come up with a masterful plan to save the WORLD? Yeah, probably ... but he's going to need a MASSIVE cheese pizza. Perfect for fans of Tom Gates, Future Ratboy and My Brother is a Superhero.Dylan has wanted a superpower for as long as he can remember, especially since his brother and sister have got really cool ones. But when his wish finally comes true, Dylan is MIGHTILY disappointed. For Dylan has become ... Iguana Boy. He can talk to Iguanas ... RUBBISH!And when supervillain Celina Shufflebottom kidnaps all the superheroes in London, Dylan must work out how to use his new team of chatty iguanas to save the day. He's going to have to think outside the box, (the pizza box), if he's going to become the hero he's always dreamed of. If he's going to make Iguana Boy cool.'HILARIOUS and so silly - superheroes, reptiles and pizza ... AWESOME, why didn't I think of that?!' Tom Fletcher(P) Hachette Children's Group 2018