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How to Piss in Public: From Teenage Rebellion to the Hangover of Adulthood
by Gavin McinnesThough technically a memoir, this is more a compendium of hair-whitening bar stories that punch you in the throat until your eyes explode. Many people have watched their friends die and some have been to jail. There are those who have stepped in the ring with professional fighters and been beaten within an inch of their lives. Others have created media empires. Very few have done all this and embarrassed dozens of celebrities; enjoyed more than a couple of threesomes; brought the world "Warhol's Children"; consistently attracted a million views with viral comedy videos; said, "Jesus is gay," on national television; and made two American Indians from scratch. There certainly isn't anyone with this kind of life experience who can convey each tale in such a hilarious and endearing way. Whether he's watching his friend get decapitated on acid or snorting cocaine off women's breasts, McInnes only ever has one priority: maximum laughs. He's not here to tell you how wise his father is or how hard it was to achieve his success. He's here to make you laugh so hard, you puke. That's it.
How to Piss Off Men: 109 Things to Say to Shatter the Male Ego
by Kyle PrueBE NO MAN'S PEACE.Have you ever been badgered by an annoying pick-up artist at the bar? Ever felt a burning desire to emotionally torture a friend's boyfriend in an act of revenge? Have you ever endured just talking to a man before?If so, then this book is for you.With more than 100 phrases, questions, and comebacks, How to Piss Off Men is your essential guide to sending even the most relentless mansplainer into an existential crisis. Whether it's referring to his expensive NFL jersey as "cosplay" or letting him know he has the confidence of a much taller man, this handbook will ensure you're equipped to combat toxic masculinity in any situation.** The advice in this book has been thoroughly tested for effectiveness. Even on the author, bless his heart.
How to Piss Off Men: 109 Things to Say to Shatter the Male Ego
by Kyle PrueBE NO MAN'S PEACE.Have you ever been badgered by an annoying pick-up artist at the bar? Ever felt a burning desire to emotionally torture a friend's boyfriend in an act of revenge? Have you ever endured just talking to a man before?If so, then this book is for you.With more than 100 phrases, questions, and comebacks, How to Piss Off Men is your essential guide to sending even the most relentless mansplainer into an existential crisis. Whether it's referring to his expensive football shirt as 'cosplay' or letting him know he has the confidence of a much taller man, this handbook will ensure you're equipped to combat toxic masculinity in any situation.** The advice in this book has been thoroughly tested for effectiveness. Even on the author, bless his heart.
How to Plan Your Own Destination Wedding: Do-It-Yourself Tips from an Experienced Professional
by Sandy MaloneTen years ago, when Sandy Malone was planning her Caribbean destination wedding, there was no Pinterest, no Instagram, and no Wedding Wire. The Knot and the Wedding Channel were in their infancy. And Malone was planning her wedding from scratch.The tips and advice in How to Plan Your Own Destination Wedding will help brides and grooms navigate the murky waters of destination-wedding planning—and they are murky because most do-it-yourself brides and grooms are looking to do something “different” from what all of their friends have done before them. Unfortunately, the more remote, bizarre, and challenging the destination is, the more attractive it appears to the do-it-yourself couple.That’s where Sandy Malone, star of Wedding Island (TLC), who has been planning weddings for ten years, comes in. She offers advice to brides and grooms on how NOT to spend money on things they don’t need to invest in, and where they DO need to spend money to make sure the event runs smoothly. She also gives tips on how to negotiate the contract with the venue, the “wetiquette” of invitations for destination weddings, finding and handling vendors abroad, and much more. This book offers the complete guide to destination weddings, by a true expert!
How to Plot a Payback
by Melissa FergusonHe crossed an ocean, and it still wasn&’t enough to escape his lifelong nemesis. Now he has to work with her.Successful screenwriter Finn Masters just landed his dream job writing for Neighbors, one of Hollywood&’s highest-rated, longest-running sitcoms. The only downside? It will put him back in proximity of the show&’s universally adored, optimistic, altruistic star, Lavender Rhodes, who has been inadvertently ruining his life since they were school chums in England. But she doesn&’t even know she destroyed his acting career and wrecked his relationship with the love of his life.He&’s not about to let this woman yank yet another dream out from under his feet. In fact, he realizes he&’s been given the ideal opportunity to plot his payback: spinning her character in shocking new directions. What could go wrong? Only everything. As Finn&’s not-so-brilliant plot backfires one scene after the next, catching him in the blasts, he&’s forced to think about this impossible, infuriating…and maybe even lovable woman in an entirely new light.Sweet romantic comedyStand-alone novelBook length: 88,000 wordsIncludes discussion questions for book clubs
How to Potty Train Your Porcupine
by Tom ToroThis laugh-out-loud picture book is a hilarious take on potty training by a talented New Yorker cartoonist -- perfect for fans of If You Give a Mouse a Cookie and How to Babysit a Grandma. Two children bring home a pet porcupine, but they can only keep her if she's house-trained! After a whirlwind of increasingly zany approaches, the kids learn that sometimes the best way to solve a problem is to ask nicely. With Tom's wit and dynamic artwork, this delightful story about learning to pee will bring joy and heart to young readers.
How to Profit from the Coming Rapture: Getting Ahead When You're Left Behind
by Barbara Davilman Ellis WeinerAre the end times near? Is the Rapture really just around the corner? Could Jerry Falwell and Pat Robertson possibly be right? About 1 billion people among us believe, yes, absolutely. And that means one thing: investment opportunities! For those who are not as expertly versed in the Book of Revelation, Ellis Weiner and Barbara Davilman, authors of the bestselling Yiddish with Dick and Jane, helpfully offer both illumination and advice: What exactly is the Rapture, anyway? How is it different from the Tribulation? Who are the Antichrist, the Four Horsemen, and the 144,000 male virgins, and what do they want? And, most important, how can I make money during the 7 years of societal breakdown before Armaggedon? Taking the familiar form of a how-to investment guide, HOW TO PROFIT FROM THE COMING RAPTURE instructs those readers who will certainly be left behind (Jews, Catholics, Muslims, Buddhists, Hindus, less ardent Protestants, and many more) on how to exploit the inevitable demise of the world in order to make a tidy profit. Sure, the rivers and seas will run with blood, locusts will swarm, mountains will move all over the place, and famine will strike. But for the five billion of us left behind, the post-Rapture world will be a time of even more unique investment opportunities.
How to Promenade with a Python: A Polite Predators Book (Polite Predators #1)
by Rachel PoliquinIn this hilarious non-fiction chapter book series, a savvy cockroach shares wise tips and tricks to surviving an encounter with a charming predator who may (or may not) want to be your friend.Celeste is a cockroach, and everyone knows that cockroaches are survivors, so who better to give advice on surviving an encounter with a polite predator? Everyone also knows that taking a moonlit promenade with a deadly reticulated python (named Frank) is a very bad idea. But Celeste loves very bad ideas, and she is willing to put your life on the line to prove herself right! Need to stop a python from swallowing you head-first? Wear a lamp shade as a hat! Want to speed up a three-hundred-pound snake? Try roller skates! What's the perfect light snack for a python? A chicken! Using her superior pythonine knowledge, Celeste comes up with various strategies and solutions -- many dangerous, most absurd, but all based on the biology of pythons. Meanwhile, Frank is hatching his own plans.Rachel Poliquin has created a delightfully preposterous premise that, combined with Kathryn Durst's hilarious illustrations, will have readers laughing out loud as they learn about python biology and hunting behavior.
How To Pull Girls: An Insider Guide To Success With Women
by Julia BruniFor many men, changes in society have made it harder to get to know women and pulling has become more difficult than it's ever been. The result is that many capable and otherwise successful young men feel frustrated by not having a girlfriend - or even a lay. How to Pull Girls gives the lowdown on how to meet and charm girls. Whether you need to relax and set women at ease, or to understand how girls think and what motivates them, Julia Bruni has all the insider information, analysing the pulling game from every angle. How to Pull Girls is packed full with useful strategies and techniques for every stage of the women-charming mission and will transform you from a Mr Normal to a James Bond in a matter of minutes. This is the essential pulling tool kit 'Women, be warned. Julia's on their side and she is telling them our secrets!'' Kathy Lette
How To Pursue A Princess: Duchess Diaries 2 (Duchess Diaries #3)
by Karen HawkinsA wonderfully romantic and playful twist on Little Red Riding Hood, from New York Times bestseller Karen Hawkins, that fans of Julia Quinn, Monica McCarty and Julie Garwood will adore. The Duchess Diaries are sure to delight: a dazzlingly romantic, sexy, and Scottish spin on fairytales.Lily Balfour always swore she'd never marry, but her father's mountainous debts leave her no choice. The Earl of Huxley, a wealthy and perfectly pleasant widower handpicked by her godmother, the Duchess of Roxburghe, seems the obvious suitor. Until the roguish Wulfinski arrives on the scene and changes everything... As soon as the passionate scoundrel casts his possessive gaze over her, Lily knows she's in trouble. A prince masquerading as a mere pauper, Wulfinski vows to seduce the elusive beauty, no matter what the cost. Used to getting what he wants, he determines to use every cunning trick he can muster. Caught between sense and passion, her head and her heart, will Lily give in to romance, or riches? Don't miss the rest of the sparkling Duchess Diaries series: Princess In Disguise, How To Capture A Countess, and How To Entice An Enchantress. And mingle with more royalty in her spectacular Princes of Oxenburg series.
How to Quinoa: Life Lessons from My Imaginary Well-Dressed Daughter
by Tiffany BeveridgeMEET QUINOA! She’s the fearless and fashion-forward toddler taking over the world one elaborate play date at a time. From designer duds to posh friends to even the most avant-garde snack foods, Quinoa is setting trends and taking names. (In fact, see her list of approved baby names inside. ) She’s got more cool factor than the Kardashian, Jolie-Pitt, and Paltrow offspring combined. Oh yeah . . . she’s also imaginary. Based on the wildly popular Pinterest board, My Imaginary Well-Dressed Toddler Daughter, How to Quinoa will take you on a tour of high fashion hilarity with snapshots and stories from the life of the world’s most influential toddler, plus tips and best practices to transform your own life and wardrobe from snore to roar. Quinoa will show you how to do everything from raising a superior child to securing a compatible BFF. And from finding your own path to designer happiness to practicing on-trend hobbies like drinking flavored lemonades from mason jars. So, ask yourself this: Are you ready to Quinoa?
How to Raise a Billionaire Genius: Guarantee Your Crying Poop Monster Grows Up to be Better Than All the Other Kids
by D. Hornby Sean CampbellFrom attachment-parenting hugs to Tiger Mom discipline, the so-called experts offer plenty of contradictory advice on how to raise the perfect child. So don't bother with their boring theories and instead follow the hilarious, if not so expert, suggestions in this book and surely (well, maybe) your precious offspring will turn out to be exactly what you want.*Forget Mozart-inspire a BILLIONAIRE in the womb by playing stock market bells and yelling like rally-crazed brokers.* A GENIUS isn't made playing hide-and-seek, so stop your offspring from playing games with IQ-draining friends.* A SUPER MODEL can't have fat (not even baby fat), so start her at birth on a diet of painkillers, cigarettes and vodka.
How to Raise a Jewish Dog: Rabbis of Boca Raton Theological Seminary
by Barbara Davilman Ellis WeinerA humorous guide to raising a dog using traditional Jewish stereotypes.
How to Raise a Jewish Dog
by The Rabbis of the Boca Raton Theological Seminary, Ellis Weiner and Barbara DavilmanA ‘Not Missing Yet’ sign informs neighbours that dog is not missing. Some trainers call this precaution unnecessary. We say: It couldn’t hurt.
How to Raise a Mom (How To Series)
by Jean ReaganCelebrate the bond between moms and children with this humorous New York Times-bestseller that invites the kids to do the hard work of raising their mom...if just for a day! This humorous new addition to the beloved HOW TO . . . books takes readers through a playful, busy day with Mom. Written in an instructional style, two siblings suggest the best ways to raise a happy, healthy mom—from waking her up in the morning to arranging play dates, to making sure she gets enough exercise, some quiet time, and plenty of veggies! Filled with charming role-reversal humor, creative ideas, and lots of love, How to Raise a Mom is the perfect gift for Mother&’s Day—or any day! Praise for the HOW TO . . . series: &“A silly take on role reversal.&” –Kirkus Reviews Reviews (How to Babysit a Grandma) &“Laugh-out-loud funny. . .&” –Kirkus Reviews (How to Raise a Mom) &“. . . laugh-out-loud scenes and funny hidden details.&” –Kirkus Reviews (How to Babysit a Grandpa) &“Touches of humor in each of the digitally rendered illustrations.&” –Kirkus Reviews (How to Surprise a Dad) The fun doesn't stop! Check out more HOW TO... picture books: How to Babysit a Grandma How to Babysit a Grandpa How to Catch a Santa How to Get Your Teacher Ready How to Raise a Mom How to Surprise a Dad
How to Raise a Mum
by Jean ReaganA laugh-out-loud funny picture book. Packed full of tips on how to have fun with your mum and make her feel loved on Mother's Day!So you want to look after your mum? Then you need this book!Essential tips include: How to wake your mum up (nicely). How to be the best ever errands helper. How to help your mum relax. (Hint: you could sing her a lullaby)Always remember, mums are special. They require expert care and extra cuddles.This hilarious 'How To' guide style picture book is guaranteed to get kids giggling (and keep them busy!)Look out for more books in the brilliantly funny, New York Times bestselling series:How to Surprise a DadHow to Catch SantaHow to Babysit a GrandadHow to Babysit a GrandmaHow to Get Your Teacher Ready for SchoolHow to Scare a Ghost
How to Raise Your Adult Children: Real-Life Advice for When Your Kids Don't Want to Grow Up
by Gail Parent Susan EndeIn this irreverent guide, a bestselling comedy writer and noted psychotherapist teach parents how to handle their grown kids There are many books out there to teach you how to handle your children after they graduate from diapers, but none tells you how to proceed once they graduate from high school. As new patterns emerge in the lives of young adults, parents find that their grown children have bigger problems than they did just a few years ago. <P><P> How to Raise Your Adult Childrenis a manual for anxious moms and dads. Whether confronting the question of setting a curfew for a college kid at home, or paying for a forty-year-old daughter's wedding, two "been there, done that" moms give advice with an edge on a variety of emotionally and financially perilous situations, including: <P> * Your kid needs money--your money <P> * Your kid moves back home and stayshome <P> * You know your child should not marry their significant other <P> * Your big children keep dumping their little children on you <P> Combining the wit of Emmy Award-winning writer Gail Parent and the insight of psychotherapist Susan Ende, this book answers questions most parents never imagined they would have to ask.
How to Really be a Brit: The Unofficial Citizenship Test: A fun, fact-filled quiz book to test your knowledge of British culture!
by No Context BritsThis is the perfect gift for the least traditional person in your life - or an affectionate nod to the most!'Whilst the biggest political figures and finest historians have struggled for over a century to truly define what "being British" is, No Context Brits manages to do it five times a week, easily, on Twitter' CAITLIN MORANDo you know what year the Harrier jump jet was developed?What about the name of the first king of Scotland?Surely you must know the contents of the 1969 Bill of Rights?!Don't know the answers? Sorry, according to the Home Office, you're clearly not cut out to be a British Citizen. These inane questions have been posed by the Life in the UK test, more commonly known as the British citizenship test. If only there was an alternative test that wasn't stuck revelling in past glories . . . one that was fun, irreverent and unafraid to offer a glimpse of real life in the UK.How to Really be Brit is the unofficial citizenship test from the beloved No Context Brits Twitter account. You'll find 500 questions taking in every aspect of UK life - from Wrexham to Windrush, Bake Off to Brexit, scotch eggs to the Spice Girls and more.
How to Really Stink at Golf
by Jeff Foxworthy Brian HarttAs a longtime golfer, Jeff Foxworthy has learned something important about the grand auld game: It’s not who has the highest score, it’s who has the least fun playing it. And now, in his hilarious primer How to Really Stink at Golf, Foxworthy shares his invaluable tips for a lifetime of horrible drives and putts. • Get into the right frame of mind to play truly awful golf. Food poisoning or a killer hangover might be just the ticket to a robust three-digit score. • Try to get to the course promptly at tee time to avoid the hassle of warming up: “You’re only gonna hit five good shots in the course of the day; why waste even one on the driving range?” • The surefire way to screw up a great drive? As you walk to the tee, keep telling yourself, “Don’t screw up your drive. ” If bad golf’s your goal, stress is your best friend. • Avoid fun. “Fun = relaxed = low scores . . . and that’s something we want to avoid at all cost. If you have a good hole, shake it off. ” • Perhaps the most important element: Embrace the fact that you do stink at golf. Cheating. Cursing. Avoiding fairways. Reckless cart driving. How to Really Stink at Golf covers it all, from selecting the correct putter to use on a 385-yard drive to prolonging your stay in the sand trap to picking the perfect foursome for spectacularly bad golf (“you, your ex-wife, your girlfriend, your wife”). With Jeff Foxworthy as your guide, even a scratch golfer can add ten, twenty, maybe thirty strokes to his or her score–and possibly more if you attempt to play the back nine, too. From the Hardcover edition.
How To Really Stink At Work
by Jeff Foxworthy Brian Hartt"New York Times"-bestselling humorist Foxworthy offers a hilarious, illustrated guide to having the most fun possible at work while doing the least--without getting fired. Illustrations throughout.
How to Rent a Negro
by Damali AyoA hilarious and satirical look at race relations that is almost too close for comfort, this pseudo-guidebook gives both renters and rentals "much-needed" advice and tips on technique. Reframing actual stories, techniques, requests, and responses gathered from the author's more than 30 years of research and experience, tips are provided in step-by-step outlines for renters to get the most for their money, and how rentals can become successful and wealthy, what they should wear, and topics of conversation to avoid. The book also serves up photo-dramatizations of some of the popular approaches covered in the book, handy tip-boxes, frequently asked questions for renters and rentals, a "How do I know if I'm being rented" quiz, a glossary of important terms, and "quickie" insta-rentals for those who need to rent on the go. Punctuated by quotes from former renters, and featuring rental diaries based on real encounters, this satire shocks and amuses, presenting a strikingly stark mirror of human relationships.
How to Retire the Cheapskate Way
by Jeff YeagerUnlike most retirement planning and lifestyle books that focus on investing - or at the other end of the spectrum, on how to get the senior discount on a Grand Slam Breakfast at Denny's - this new book from Jeff Yeager, America's favorite cheapskate, makes the compelling case that you can have a joyous, worry-free retirement by merely spending smart and focusing on what you truly want and expect out of retirement. Combining Yeager's loveable humor and offbeat anecdotes that have garnered him an ever-growing fan base, How to Retire the Cheapskate Way shares with readers hundreds of retirement secrets and tips, including:·How to Simple-size Your Way to a Better Retirement·The 20 Secret Cheapskate Principles for Retiring Comfortably on Less...Maybe Even on Social Security Alone ·How to Survive the Medical Maelstrom (without resorting to DIY surgery at home)·Plus Dozens of Fun Ways to Both Earn a Little Extra Income During Retirement and Painlessly Cut Your ExpensesYeager, who serves as the official "Savings Expert" for AARP and its 40+ million members, weaves together both everyday practical tips and life-changing financial strategies with the real life stories of frugal retirees as well as people of all ages who are working toward a better, earlier, happier retirement The Cheapskate Way.
How to Ride a Dragonfly
by Kitty DonohoeLike a laugh-out-loud spin on Thumbelina, this whimsical, beautifully illustrated picture book stars an adventurous little girl who shrinks down to the size of a bug and takes a tour of the swamp on a dragonfly's back.Have you ever wanted to ride a dragonfly? Well, there&’s one problem… You&’re too big! But if you follow these simple steps, you'll be sure to have a fantastic journey:Step 1: Put a rose petal in your pocket at sunrise, which will make you shrink. But don't forget: you must return by sunset-- or else you&’ll stay shrunk!Step 2: Pick a blade of grass and lasso the first dragonfly that buzzes by--we'll call her Priscilla. Climb aboard!Step 3: Joust a bumblebee, groove to the Beetle Band, dine with fairies, and have an adventure. Watch out for the frogs! They love to eat dragonflies, and Priscilla looks quite tasty...Oh, dear! The sun is almost touching the mountains. Can you and Priscilla zip back in time before sunset? With a delightfully funny text by an elementary school teacher and deliciously playful artwork by a beloved illustrator, here is the perfect picture book for any child in search of adventure!
How To Ride A Dragon's Storm
by Cressida CowellHiccup Horrendous Haddock III, everyone's favorite reluctant Viking hero, has three months, five days and six hours to discover America, get back to Berk, save his father, battle Polarserpents and win the annual Inter-Tribal Friendly Swimming Race. Can he do it?
How to Rob an Armored Car: A Novel
by Iain LevisonThree friends looking for a way out of a dying Pennsylvania coal town dabble in petty crime, and believe they have a talent for it. Soon things begin to get out of hand.