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How to Steal the Mona Lisa
by Taylor BayouthA step-by-step guide for the craft of high stakes thievery In How to Steal the Mona Lisa, author Taylor Bayouth meticulously describes seven heists of priceless art and artifacts: the Hope Diamond, the "Mona Lisa," the Archaeopteryx Lithographica, Rodin's "Thinker," King Tut's golden death mask, the Crown Jewels, and the Codex Leicester. With this trusty guide, learn to: - Camouflage a getaway car. - Hack security systems. - Navigate air ducts. - Master the art of disguise. - Pick locks, scale buildings, and more. Illustrated throughout, this book contains all the information you need to acquire equipment, recruit partners, strategize the perfect crime, and discreetly sell off your stolen national treasures.From the Trade Paperback edition.
How to Stop a Viking Invasion (Max and Molly's Guide to Trouble #4)
by Dominic BarkerIn this Guide to Trouble, Max and Molly will show you, clever reader:1. How to spot a VIKING even when he is in disguise2. How to chase a VIKING even when he is riding a motorbike3. How to accidentally-also-at-the-same-time stop a REAL-LIFE VIKING INVASION!
How to Stop Loving Someone
by Joan ConnorWinner of the 2010 Leapfrog Fiction Contest. "Excellent and lively. A sharp wit, the apt metaphor, the turn of phrase that pleases and surprises."--Marge Piercy, contest judge "Bright, brassy, spunky, intelligent. Ingenious writing. . . . Quirky and filled with metaphoric twists that often startle."--Michael Mirolla, contest judge "Smart, funny, biting, and, above all, touching. A collection to savor over and over."--Michael White, author of Beautiful Assassin Praise for Joan Connor's previous collections: "Brilliantly quirky wit and wordplay."--Syndey Lea, author of A Little Wilderness "A deeply talented writer."--Alyce Miller, author of Water "Candor, bracing wit, and skewering insight that could kill if she let it."--Rosellen Brown, author of Half a Heart Joan Connor's collection investigates love and loss, sex, family, and the ways they echo back through memory, sometimes to comfort and sometimes to bite. Some comic, some dark, the stories range from lyrical to laugh-out-loud funny. The title story is a mock self-help manual on how to fall out of love. "Men in Brown" is a rollicking account of a woman infatuated with her UPS man. "Aground" is a dark account of male lust and violence on a lonely island in Maine. Joan Connor is a professor at Ohio University and at Fairfield University's low residency MFA program. She received the AWP award for her collection History Lessons, and the River Teeth Literary Nonfiction Prize for The World Before Mirrors. Her two earlier collections are We Who Live Apart and Here on Old Route 7.
How to Succeed in Business Without Really Crying
by Carol LeiferFor many years, television comedy was an exclusive all boys' club--until a brilliant comedian named Carol Leifer came along, blazing a trail for funny women everywhere. From Late Night with David Letterman and Saturday Night Live to Seinfeld, The Ellen Show, and Modern Family, Carol has written for and/or performed on some of the best TV comedies of all time. This hilarious collection of essays charts her extraordinary three-decade journey through show business, illuminating her many triumphs and some missteps along the way--and offering valuable lessons for women and men in any profession. Part memoir, part guide to life, and all incredibly funny, How to Succeed in Business without Really Crying offers tips and tricks for getting ahead, finding your way, and opening locked doors--even if you have to use a sledgehammer.
How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying
by Stanley Bing Shepherd MeadFrom this classic tome, learn everything you need to know to land the corner office: · How to make money · How to make more money · How to choose the right company (one big enough so that nobody knows exactly what anyone else is doing) · How to cultivate the appearance of extreme busyness through strategic desk management · How to delegate responsibility (have plenty of assistants!) First published in 1952, this guide inspired the beloved Pulitzer Prize-winning musical, which returns to Broadway in 2011 in a production that stars Daniel Radcliffe and John Larroquette. Updated with a brilliant new introduction by the king of business satire, Stanley Bing, How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying is essential reading for the ambitious and the lazy alike.
How to Success!: A Writer's Guide to Fame and Fortune
by Corinne CaputoThis parody self-help book for writers is filled with hilariously misguided tips, factual-looking charts, and other advice that knowingly pokes fun at writerly foibles while still cheering would-be authors on. With this book, struggling writers can find suggestions for effective paragraph shapes, tips on where to find inspiration (in your reflection, in the shapes of gum stuck to the ground, in a consultation with your doctor), thoughtful poses for author photos, pull-out procrastination excuses, and much more. How to Success! is filled with enough almost-helpful advice to keep aspiring writers amused, unblocked, and on their way to literary fame.
How to Summon a Fairy Godmother: A Laugh-Out-Loud Fairytale What-If (Fairies and Familiars #1)
by Laura J. MayoIf a fairy godmother can get one sister into a marriage, getting another out of one should be easy… Lady Theodosia Balfour has certainly gotten the short end of the stick—her stepsister, the newly crowned Princess Beatrice, is telling everyone in polite society that Theo, her sister, and their mother are evil, wicked, and horrid people who treated her like a slave. Though Theo knows this isn't exactly true, it seems her life is thoroughly ruined by the rumor. With the Balfour family estate on the verge of bankruptcy, Theo's only path forward is a forced betrothal to the Duke of Snowbell, a foul-tempered geezer who wishes only to use her as a brood mare for spare heirs. Desperate for help, Theo clings to the only thing that might save her: the rumor of a fairy godmother, one that supposedly helped her stepsister secure a prince. After discovering a way to summon a fairy in Beatrice's old room, Theo thinks her prayers have been answered. But the fairy she meets isn't at all what she imagined. Drop-dead gorgeous, incredibly cunning, and slightly devious, Cecily of the Ash Fairies is much more interested in gathering powerful favors and smoking her pipe than providing charitable magic for humans in a bind. Before she receives magical assistance, Cecily sets Theo to three tasks, seemingly to prove that Theo is a selfless and kind person. Helping her along the way are Cecily's familiars, the flirty human-turned-mockingbird Phineas and the aloof Kasra, a fox shapeshifter who should not be as handsome as he is for someone with such cutting remarks. As Theo works on her tasks, she shockingly finds kinship with the magical creatures she's helping, and starts to wonder if a continued life among her human peers is what she really wants after all. From debut author Laura J. Mayo comes a hilarious new spin on the Cinderella tale!
How to Surprise a Dad (How To Series)
by Lee Wildish Jean ReaganFrom the creators of the New York Times bestsellers HOW TO BABYSIT A GRANDPA and HOW TO BABYSIT A GRANDMA comes a charming new how-to book about surprising dear old Dad! So you want to surprise your dad? You're in luck! The pages of this book are full of tips on how to become a super dad surpriser, including tips for things you can make, do, or find--just for your dad. Be sure to read up on: · Yummy treats and presents for a dad · What to do if he starts getting suspicious · How to prepare for the big moment (where to hide everyone, and how to practice whispering "Surprise!") From the author-illustrator team behind the New York Times bestsellers How to Babysit a Grandpa and How to Babysit a Grandma comes an adorable, funny, surprising celebration of dads!From the Hardcover edition.
How to Surprise a Dad: Read & Listen Edition (How To Series)
by Jean ReaganFrom the creators of the New York Times bestsellers HOW TO BABYSIT A GRANDPA and HOW TO BABYSIT A GRANDMA comes a charming new how-to book about surprising dear old Dad! So you want to surprise your dad? You&’re in luck! The pages of this book are full of tips on how to become a super dad surpriser, including tips for things you can make, do, or find—just for your dad. Be sure to read up on: · Yummy treats and presents for a dad · What to do if he starts getting suspicious · How to prepare for the big moment (where to hide everyone, and how to practice whispering &“Surprise!&”) From the author-illustrator team behind the New York Times bestsellers How to Babysit a Grandpa and How to Babysit a Grandma comes an adorable, funny, surprising celebration of dads! This Read & Listen edition contains audio narration.
How to Survive 40
by Clive Whichelow Mike HaskinsBrace yourself… 40 is approaching! Once your thirties are behind you, there are no excuses left – you’re indisputably ‘experienced’, certifiably ‘mature’. But don’t trade that margarita for a mug of cocoa just yet, because there’s plenty more fun to be had. This cheerful little book, full of tongue-in-cheek advice, will help keep your mojo working for many years to come!
How to Survive 40
by Clive Whichelow Mike HaskinsBrace yourself… 40 is approaching! Once your thirties are behind you, there are no excuses left – you’re indisputably ‘experienced’, certifiably ‘mature’. But don’t trade that margarita for a mug of cocoa just yet, because there’s plenty more fun to be had. This cheerful little book, full of tongue-in-cheek advice, will help keep your mojo working for many years to come!
How to Survive 50
by Clive Whichelow Mike HaskinsBrace yourself… 50 is approaching! There’s no denying it – you’ve officially got ‘a few years’ under your belt (and possibly a few extra notches on it). But don’t trade your party gear for a pair of slippers just yet, because there’s plenty more fun to be had. This cheerful little book, full of tongue-in-cheek advice, will help you carry on strutting your stuff for many years to come!
How to Survive 50
by Clive Whichelow Mike HaskinsBrace yourself… 50 is approaching! There’s no denying it – you’ve officially got ‘a few years’ under your belt (and possibly a few extra notches on it). But don’t trade your party gear for a pair of slippers just yet, because there’s plenty more fun to be had. This cheerful little book, full of tongue-in-cheek advice, will help you carry on strutting your stuff for many years to come!
How to Survive 60
by Clive Whichelow Mike HaskinsBrace yourself… 60 is approaching! It’s time to face the facts – even though you might not feel it, you’re decidedly more O.A.P. than V.I.P. But don’t trade your custard creams for the cod-liver oil just yet, because there’s plenty more fun to be had. This cheerful little book, full of tongue-in-cheek advice, will put some swagger in your step for many years to come!
How to Survive 60
by Clive Whichelow Mike HaskinsBrace yourself… 60 is approaching! It’s time to face the facts – even though you might not feel it, you’re decidedly more O.A.P. than V.I.P. But don’t trade your custard creams for the cod-liver oil just yet, because there’s plenty more fun to be had. This cheerful little book, full of tongue-in-cheek advice, will put some swagger in your step for many years to come!
How to Survive a Horror Movie: All the Skills to Dodge the Kills
by Seth Grahame-SmithBe Afraid. Be Very Afraid. From ghosts, vampires, and zombies to serial killers, cannibalistic hillbillies, and haunted Japanese videocassettes, How to Survive a Horror Movie shows how to defeat every obstacle found in scary films. Readers will discover: * How to Perform an Exorcism * What to Do If You Did Something Last Summer * How to Persuade the Skeptical Local Sheriff * How to Vanquish a Murderous Doll * How to Survive an Alien Invasion * How to Tell If You've Been Dead Since the Beginning of the Movie and much, much more. Complete with useful instructions, insane illustrations, and a list of 100 important films to study, How to Survive a Horror Movie is essential reading for prom queens, jocks, teenage babysitters, and anyone employed by a summer camp. From the Trade Paperback edition.
How to Survive a Human Attack: A Guide for Werewolves, Mummies, Cyborgs, Ghosts, Nuclear Mutants, and Other Movie Monsters
by K. E. FlannDid you know human attacks account for a staggering 100 percent of premature deaths for witches, swamp monsters, cyborgs, and other supernatural, mutant, and exceptionally large beings?The past millennia or so has seen not only an uptick in human attacks, but also increasingly indiscriminate victim selection. It is understandable to feel overwhelmed. From renowned preternaturalist K. E. Flann, How to Survive a Human Attack provides critical information at a critical time with chapters specifically tailored to their target audience, including:· A Zombie&’s Guide to Filling the Emptiness and Moving Forward· First-Time Haunter&’s Guide for Ghosts, Spirits, Poltergeists, Specters, and Wraiths· Self-Training 101 for Werewolves: Sit, Don&’t Speak, Stay Alive!· What&’s Happening to My Body?: Radioactive Mutants and the Safety of the Nuclear Family
How to Survive a Midlife Crisis: Tongue-In-Cheek Advice and Cheeky Illustrations about Being Middle-Aged
by Clive Whichelow Mike HaskinsFinally, you’re a proper grown-up! But between the paunch and the mortgage, you’re starting to wonder if this is what you really want. You need midlife crisis survival skills. This mischievous little book will help you enjoy your second youth with tongue-in-cheek advice and cheeky illustrations.
How to Survive a Quarter-Life Crisis: A Comfort Blanket for Twenty-Somethings
by Hattie HamiltonMy 'life goals before 25' when I was 20: mortgage, become an MD or social media sensation, have good hair, have my own sustainable coffee shop, travel to 98 countries.My life goals on the eve of my 25th birthday: afford my rent without getting overdrawn this month, get at least two likes on my Instagram post on my new shoes, remember to pluck nose hairs before work, stop mislaying my refillable coffee cup, visit my parents once a month.Is it just me, or does everyone else have their shit together?Believe me, you’re not alone! If you’re having sleepless nights about your latest social media post, think that you’re a bit of a loser in love, or have a job that you hate (but you need the money and there are no full-time poet positions out there), then this book is your life-jacket and comfort blanket rolled into one sweet package. Learn why you’re not the failure you think you are, and why actually you’re well on your way to being a flawed-but-brilliant grown-up, as this guide helps you navigate your way through the choppy waters of your quarter-life crisis.
How to Survive a Robot Uprising: Tips on Defending Yourself Against the Coming Rebellion
by Daniel H. WilsonHow do you spot a robot mimicking a human? How do you recognize and then deactivate a rebel servant robot? How do you escape a murderous "smart" house, or evade a swarm of marauding robotic flies? In this dryly hilarious survival guide, roboticist Daniel H. Wilson teaches worried humans the keys to quashing a robot mutiny. From treating laser wounds to fooling face and speech recognition, besting robot logic to engaging in hand-to-pincer combat, How to Survive a Robot Uprising covers every possible doomsday scenario facing the newest endangered species: humans. And with its thorough overview of current robot prototypes-including giant walkers, insect, gecko, and snake robots-How to Survive a Robot Uprising is also a witty yet legitimate introduction to contemporary robotics. Full of charming illustrations, and referencing some of the most famous robots in pop-culture, How to Survive a Robot Uprising is a one-of-a-kind book that is sure to be a hit with all ages.
How to Survive a Sharknado and Other Unnatural Disasters
by Andrew ShafferSharks Are Flying at Your Head at 300 mph. How Will You Survive? In the apocalyptic world we live in, Mother Nature is angry. Danger waits at every turn, and catastrophes like the Los Angeles sharknados have taught us that we need to be ready for anything. Too many lives have already been lost. But fear not. How to Survive a Sharknado and Other Unnatural Disasters is the first and only comprehensive guide to surviving the very worst that Mother Nature can throw our way. Inside this life-saving reference, you'll find: * Vital information about dozens of unnatural disasters and ungodly monsters that can injure, maim, or kill you, from arachnoquakes and ice twisters to piranhacondas and mega pythons; * Easy-to-understand survival tips for avoiding a bloody demise; * Inspirational words of wisdom from survivors, including Fin Shepard and April Wexler; * Useful resources, such as the Shepard Survival Assessment Test (S.S.A.T), and much more. With this essential book in hand, you too can be a hero who laughs in the face of calamity while saving friends and family. Or you can just avoid getting savagely ripped apart by a robocroc. Either way, you've been warned. Now be prepared.Sharknado 2: The Second One premieres July 30 at 9/8c on Syfy!From the Trade Paperback edition.
How to Survive America: A Prescription
by D. L. Hughley Doug Moe"Dispels the myth that people of color are somehow predisposed to poor health, blaming systemic injustice in the health care system." —New York Times Book ReviewLegendary comedian D.L. Hughley uses his "hilarious yet soul-shaking" (Black Enterprise) humor to confront racism's unjust impact on the health and wellbeing of Blacks and minorities White people love survival guides. But have you noticed they’re always about ridiculous activities in locations far from home, with chapters like “How to Survive an Avalanche" or "How to Live on Bugs in the Jungle.” Huh?!You know who really needs a survival guide? Black and brown Americans. For surviving their own damn country! Minority populations wake up every day in a battle for their health and safety. Thankfully, legendary activist-comedian D.L. Hughley offers How to Survive America, a fearless satire that exposes racism’s unjust toll on our bodies and minds.Even before COVID-19 disproportionately impacted minority communities, life expectancy for Blacks was a full three years less than for white Americans. The very air we breathe is more polluted, our water is more contaminated, our local food options are toxic, and our jobs are underpaid. Despite the obvious need, the quality of our health care is tragically inadequate. Our communities are statistically less safe than the average, and yet we’re terrorized by the law-enforcement and criminal-justice systems that are supposed to protect us, sending Blacks to prison at five times the rate of whites. Not least, our means of addressing these injustices—voting—is perennially under assault.It’s enough to drive you crazy. Well, guess what? According to Cigna, Blacks are 20 percent more likely to report “psychological distress” yet “50 percent less likely to receive counseling or mental health treatment.” It’s almost like the entire country has been structured with no regard for our welfare. Hmmm.Whether you’re Black, white, brown, or Asian, don’t leave home without arming yourself with How to Survive America!
How to Survive Being a Cat Owner: Tongue-In-Cheek Advice and Cheeky Illustrations about Being a Cat Owner
by Clive Whichelow Mike HaskinsCats are furry, purry and loveable. They also happen to be the keepers of their own destiny – and utterly untrainable; if you’re going to make it as a cat owner, you’re going to need survival skills. This mischievous little book will help see you through your years as a cat owner with tongue-in-cheek advice and cheeky illustrations.
How to Survive Being a Cat Owner: Tongue-In-Cheek Advice and Cheeky Illustrations about Being a Cat Owner
by Clive Whichelow Mike HaskinsCats are furry, purry and loveable. They also happen to be the keepers of their own destiny – and utterly untrainable; if you’re going to make it as a cat owner, you’re going to need survival skills. This mischievous little book will help see you through your years as a cat owner with tongue-in-cheek advice and cheeky illustrations.
How to Survive Being a Doctor: Tongue-In-Cheek Advice and Cheeky Illustrations about Being a Doctor
by Clive Whichelow Mike HaskinsYour job is rewarding, but if you’re going to be faced with the horrors of the human body you’re going to need survival skills. This mischievous little book will help see you through your years as a doctor with tongue-in-cheek advice and cheeky illustrations.