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2,000 Sure-Fire Jokes for Speakers: The Encyclopedia of One-Liner Comedy
by Robert OrbenLooking for that snappy, just right touch of humor to enliven a speech, give zest to a sales meeting, punch up a memo, or gain the attention and interest of all types of audiences? Then search no further than this sparkling collection of timely, topical one-liners compiled by the well-known comedy writer Robert Orben.
2,501 Things That Really Piss Me Off: A Catalog of Insults and Intrusions That are Sure to Ruin My Day
by Herb ReichComplaining, psychologists assert, is good for the soul. It acts as a relief valve to help dispel the pent-up energy generated by our frustration. If we weren't able to complain, we would no doubt exhibit more physical violence and engage more frequently in destructive behavior. Our neighbors outrage us, our children mock us, strangers insult us, government agencies mistreat us, unscrupulous entrepreneurs victimize us, and even inanimate objects conspire to screw up our lives. Compelling inner voices harass us, the crowd in the Agora thwarts us, and irrationality surrounds us everywhere. It's enough to make someone paranoid! 2,501 Things That Really Piss Me Off demonstrates that misery loves company, and that we are the company that misery loves. Intended as a catalog of everything irksome in our lives, 2,501 Things That Really Piss Me Off reviews the broad spectrum of affronts, annoyances, nuisances, grievances, vexations, mortifications, and molestations that disrupt our equanimity and that daily pervert the simple pleasures of living. It gives voice to the time-honored practice of people everywhere in the world-griping. Within these pages the reader will find items of anger, reflection, humor, social comment, and even the occasional non sequitur. For its octogenarian author, it is pure catharsis, but it is also the author's intention that the reader be entertained, and, with a little luck, enriched by the realization that the demons that confound him confound the rest of us as well. That he is not alone in his Weltschmerz.
The 2,548 Best Things Anybody Ever Said
by Robert ByrneDrawing from diverse personages from Goethe to Churchill to Woody Allen, The 2,548 Best Things Anybody Ever Said is a witty wise quotation collection that deserves a special place on every humor lover's bookshelf. These unique, funny, and outrageous quotations, previously published in four separate volumes, are now gathered together in a seemingly limitless trove of pithy and often irreverent one-liners, retorts, put-downs, jokes, and last words that cover every conceivable subject and will appeal to every taste. Highlights include:—W. C. Fields: "Start every day with a smile and get it over with." —George Burns:&” "Happiness is having a large loving family in another city."And many more.
The 2,548 Wittiest Things Anybody Ever Said
by Robert ByrneA fresh selection of sharp, witty zingers gathered from both famous and utterly unknown (but very quotable) sources, by the editor of the popular The 2,548 Best Things Anybody Ever Said Robert Byrne's quote books are widely praised as authoritative and accessible sources of sayings for any and all occasions. Byrne's own wit, diligent research, and creativity combine to form a fresh go-to reference that serves readers better than Google--no Wi-Fi required. The 2,548 Wittiest Things Anybody Ever Said is an all-new collection of clever quips and laugh-out-loud punch lines from Gracie Allen to Frank Zappa, on such topics as sex, divorce, religion, fashion, animals, and money: STEVE MARTIN: "I'd do anything for a good body except exercise and eat right." JON STEWART: "War is God's way of teaching Americans geography." NORA EPHRON: "Successful parents have adult children who can pay for their own psychoanalysis." This compilation, to be enjoyed by generations young and old, deserves a place of honor on every language lover's bookshelf.
2 A.M. in Little America: A Novel
by Ken KalfusAs Americans flee widespread civil conflict, one young refugee ekes out a living in a suspenseful, darkly comic novel: “An important writer in every sense.” —David Foster WallaceAn Esquire “Best Book of Spring 2022” A Literary Hub “Most Anticipated Book of 2022” A San Francisco Chronicle “Most Anticipated Novel of 2022”In the future, sweeping civil disorder has forced America’s young people to flee its borders into an unwelcoming world. One such American is Ron Patterson, who finds himself on distant shores, working as a repairman and sharing a room with other refugees. In an unnamed city wedged between ocean and lush mountainous forest, Ron can almost imagine a stable life for himself. Especially when he makes the first friend he’s had in years—a mysterious migrant named Marlise, who bears a striking resemblance to a onetime classmate.Nearly a decade later—after anti-migrant sentiment has put their whirlwind intimacy and asylum to an end—Ron is living in “Little America,” an enclave of migrants in one of the few countries still willing to accept them. Here, among reminders of his past life, he again begins to feel that he may have found a home. He adopts a stray dog, observes his neighbors, and lands a new repairman job that allows him to move through the city quietly. But this newfound security, too, is quickly jeopardized, as resurgent political divisions threaten the fabric of Little America. Tapped as an informant against the rise of militant gangs and contending with the appearance of a strangely familiar woman, Ron is suddenly on dangerous and uncertain ground.Brimming with mystery, suspense, and Ken Kalfus’s distinctive comic irony, 2 A.M. in Little America poses questions vital to the current moment: What happens when privilege is reversed? Who is watching and why? How do tribalized politics disrupt our ability to distinguish what is true and what is not? This is a story for our time—gripping, unsettling, prescient—by an acclaimed National Book Award finalist.“My favorite book by one of America’s great living writers.” —Jonathan Safran Foer“A provocative dystopian story . . . takes hold of the reader.” —Publishers Weekly“A highly readable, taut novel.” —The New York Times Book Review“One of contemporary literature’s best-kept secrets.” —Esquire
2 Kinds of People: A Visual Compatibility Quiz
by João RochaHow do you roll? Ketchup on the fries, or ketchup on the side? Bed made—or why bother? Night owl, or early bird? And about that toilet paper roll . . . Over? Or under? This visual personality quiz, which doubles as a game, is the easiest way to discover if you and your friend/date/loved one/spouse/future roommate/coworker/person-you-just-met-in-a-bar are destined to be soul mates. Or mortal enemies.
The 2½ Pillars Of Wisdom
by Alexander McCall SmithAlexander McCall Smith, best-selling author of The No. 1 Ladies' Detective Agency, has turned his hand to humour. The delightful result is a creation of comic genius. For in the unnaturally tall form of Professor Doctor Moritz-Maria von Igelfeld, we are invited to meet a memorable character whose sublime insouciance is a blend of the cultivated pomposity of Frasier Crane and of Inspecteur Clouseau's hapless gaucherie.Von Igelfeld inhabits the rarefied world of the Institute of Romance Philology at Regensburg, a world he shares with his equally tall and equally ridiculous colleagues, Professors Florianus Prinzel and Detlev Amadeus Unterholzer. Their unlikely adventures are described in three deliciously funny instalments: Portuguese Irregular Verbs, The Finer Points of Sausage Dogs and At the Villa of Reduced Circumstances.
20 Relationship Secrets for Your Twenties: A Portion from 101 Secrets for Your Twenties
by Paul AngoneWhat happens when you graduate high school (or college) and your friends scatter? Do you lose touch or keep in contact? Do you make new friends or hide out in your dorm/apartment until you run out of shows in your Netflix queue? Is it possible to keep friendships after college?To quote one of the secrets: Making and keeping friendships after college is harder than G.I. Joe&’s abs.What about romance? Should you go on a date with that person? Do you need to break up? What constitutes a date anyway?To quote another of the secrets: A date is a date is a date is a…date. It&’s not a marriage proposal. It&’s not a death sentence.These twenty secrets, pulled from Paul Angone&’s book: 101 Secrets for Your Twenties, will give you insights into the relationships in your twentysomething life. The secrets cover everything from friendship dynamics to romantic interests, from being friendless in a new city to being uncertain who/what/when/where/why you will marry.Moody Collective Portions are short pieces of content taken from our full-length books. Our goal is to introduce our readers to a complete idea in a brief, concise, and inexpensive format. Most portions will take about 20 minutes to read.
20 Relationship Secrets for Your Twenties: A Portion from 101 Secrets for Your Twenties
by Paul AngoneWhat happens when you graduate high school (or college) and your friends scatter? Do you lose touch or keep in contact? Do you make new friends or hide out in your dorm/apartment until you run out of shows in your Netflix queue? Is it possible to keep friendships after college?To quote one of the secrets: Making and keeping friendships after college is harder than G.I. Joe&’s abs.What about romance? Should you go on a date with that person? Do you need to break up? What constitutes a date anyway?To quote another of the secrets: A date is a date is a date is a…date. It&’s not a marriage proposal. It&’s not a death sentence.These twenty secrets, pulled from Paul Angone&’s book: 101 Secrets for Your Twenties, will give you insights into the relationships in your twentysomething life. The secrets cover everything from friendship dynamics to romantic interests, from being friendless in a new city to being uncertain who/what/when/where/why you will marry.Moody Collective Portions are short pieces of content taken from our full-length books. Our goal is to introduce our readers to a complete idea in a brief, concise, and inexpensive format. Most portions will take about 20 minutes to read.
20 Times a Lady: A Novel
by Karyn Bosnak“Bosnak writes with a charming and original voice.”—Chicago Sun-TimesA smart and bubbly romp, soon to be a major Hollywood motion picture starring Anna Faris, Chris Evans, Zachary Quinto, and Andy Samberg, What’s Your Number? by Karyn Bosnak asks—and answers—the provocative question, how many men are too many? When Delilah Darling exceeds her magic number of twenty ex-lovers without finding “Mr. Right,” she sets out on a hilarious road trip to discover what went wrong. Originally published as 20 Times a Lady, Bosnak’s What’s Your Number? has got the number of chick lit romantic comedy fans who are looking for a sassy read with true wit as well as brains.
The 2000s Made Me Gay: Essays on Pop Culture
by Grace PerryFrom The Onion and Reductress contributor, this collection of essays is a hilarious nostalgic trip through beloved 2000s media, interweaving cultural criticism and personal narrative to examine how a very straight decade forged a very queer woman"Honest, funny, smart, and illuminating.” —Anna Drezen, co-head writer of SNL"If you came of age at the intersection of Mean Girls and The L Word: Read this book.” —Sarah Pappalardo, editor in chief and co-founder of Reductress Today’s gay youth have dozens of queer peer heroes, both fictional and real, but former gay teenager Grace Perry did not have that luxury. Instead, she had to search for queerness in the (largely straight) teen cultural phenomena the aughts had to offer: in Lindsay Lohan’s fall from grace, Gossip Girl, Katy Perry’s “I Kissed A Girl,” country-era Taylor Swift, and Seth Cohen jumping on a coffee cart. And, for better or worse, these touch points shaped her adult identity. She came out on the other side like many millennials did: in her words, gay as hell.Throw on your Von Dutch hats and join Grace on a journey back through the pop culture moments of the aughts, before the cataclysmic shift in LGBTQ representation and acceptance—a time not so long ago, which many seem to forget.
2002 Things to do on a Date
by Cyndi Haynes Dale EdwardsBored with the usual dinner/movie date routine? Has the miniature golf course lost its charm? Why not take a CPR class, rent a moped, or test-drive a luxury sports car neither of you can afford? Just a sampling of the 2002 fun, silly, romantic ideas to be found in this unique guide.
2002 Things To Do On A Date
by Dale Edwards Cyndi HaynesYou've visited every restaurant in town--and you're tired of going to the movies. What are you supposed to do when you go out on a date these days? Well, how about hosting a co-ed volleyball party? Getting to know each other better by playing Twenty Questions? Catching some local scenery by renting a moped for the day? Sharing the cooking for a luxurious gourmet meal? Or test-driving a luxury car you know full well neither of you can afford? From the purely romantic to the unusual and exotic, these adventurous suggestions will add up to plenty of fun for people who want to try something new.
2002 Things To Do On A Date: From Fun, Sometimes Silly, Romantic, to the Unique
by Cyndi HaynesA Simon & Schuster eBook. Simon & Schuster has a great book for every reader.
2007-Eleven
by Hart Seely Frank CammusoFrom the pages of The New Yorker, The New York Times, and Slate stagger Frank Cammuso and Hart Seely, restoring a cheerful sanity to our deranged lives and times.Every now and then, funny writing somehow manages to retain full possession of literary quality. Please see Twain, Heller, Benchley, Parker, Frazier, Geng. And now please see Cammuso and Seely. If you're not some famous person in our hyped, commodified, three-screen (movie, TV, computer), celeb-ridden society, count your blessings. Because if you are, Cammuso and Seely will probably get you sooner or later. They got Martha Stewart--they have her planning gracious plans for her version of the Son of God's final repast: "Jesus has indicated--against my better wishes--that He intends to gird Himself with a towel and wash everybody's feet. So be it. But beforehand, I'll run his terry cloth for five minutes in the dryer, making it toasty and soft." They (fondly) postu-late how Phil Rizzuto might have written a characteristically fractionated version of "Casey at the Bat": "'Fraud!' cried the maddened thousands, and the echo murmured 'Fraud.' / Hey, Murcer! Look! Bea Arthur! Didn't she play Maude?" The Flintstones become the Clintstones, Quentin Tarantino directs The Three Little Pigs, and Dr. Seuss collaborates poetically with Rod Serling.Even when the targets of these pieces are of the moment, Cammuso and Seely's humor will endure. What's more evanescent than pop-music stardom? Sex, maybe, but not much else. But who won't laugh, even years from now, as Cammuso and Seely--in "Six Degrees of Chuck Berry"--introduce some of the record industry's often interchangeable personages to each other: "Tanya, Enya. Enya, Shania. Shania, Mariah. Mariah, Wynonna. Wynonna, Fiona . . . " Nobody.From the Hardcover edition.
2011 Daily Calendar: Worst-Case Scenario
by Joshua Piven David BorgenichtBe prepared for the worst with expert advise and survival trivia all year long.
2012: Everything You Need To Know About The Apocalypse
by Manda ScottA pocket compilation of the Mayan legends of 2012, featuring everything you need to know about the Apocalypse in easy to digest facts. The first thing you need to know about 2012 is that it's just like any other year.And the second thing you need to know... is that it really isn't...The Maya didn't make it their 'end date' for nothing...2012 collects everything you need to know about how, why and what is going to happen in this apocalyptic year, as outlined in the ancient Mayan prophesies in a humourous and insightful way, the facts, the fantasties and the frankly extraordinary.
2013 Daily Calendar: F in Exams
by Richard BensonBased on the best seller F in Exams comes a full year of fails, featuring hundreds of brilliantly wrong but incredibly hilarious student test answers, including all-new answers, things you should have learned in high school (but didn't), a gallery of famous failures, and more.
2013 Daily Calendar: VICE Dos & Don'ts
by Vice MagazineFrom VICE magazine--a.k.a. the "hipster bible"--this ebook includes photos from the uber popular DOs & DON'Ts street fashion feature in which candid photos of strangers are accompanied by over-the-top critiques either praising (a "Do") or ridiculing (a "Don't"). Featuring the best Dos and the worst Don'ts, this ebook provides a hearty dose of the most amazing--and appalling--street fashion finds.
2013 Daily Calendar: Worst-Case Scenario
by Joshua Piven David BorgenichtBe prepared for the worst with expert advice and survival trivia all year long.
2018 Valentine's Day Special (The Backstagers #1)
by James Tynion Iv Rian Sygh Walter Baiamonte Caitlin Rose Boyle Katy Farina Brittney Williams Rebecca NaltyIt’s Valentine’s Day at St. Genesius Prep and the Backstagers are back in (stage) blacks for some ROMANTIC adventures in the mysterious world behind the scenes! Featuring bonus tales from a variety of special guests, including Brittney Williams, Caitlin Rose Boyle, and Katy Farina! It’s the “seasons of love” for your favorite backstage boys! (No, you can’t wear pink backstage. Or red. Or glitter. Or cherub wings, Sasha.)
The 2020 Commission Report on the North Korean Nuclear Attacks Against the United States: A Speculative Novel
by Jeffrey LewisThis &“brilliantly conceived&” novel imagines a devastating nuclear attack on America and the official government report of the calamity (Eric Schlosser, author of Fast Food Nation and Command and Control). &“The skies over the Korean Peninsula on March 21, 2020, were clear and blue.&” So begins this sobering report by the Commission on the Nuclear Attacks against the United States, established by Congress and President Donald J. Trump to investigate the horrific events of the following three days. An independent, bipartisan panel led by nuclear expert Jeffrey Lewis, the commission was charged with finding and reporting the relevant facts, investigating how the nuclear war began, and determining whether our government was adequately prepared. Did President Trump and his advisers understand North Korean views about nuclear weapons? Did the tragic milestones of that fateful month—North Korea's accidental shoot-down of Air Busan flight 411, the retaliatory strike by South Korea, and the tweet that triggered vastly more carnage—inevitably lead to war? Or did America&’s leaders have the opportunity to avert the greatest calamity in the history of our nation? Answering these questions will not bring back the lives lost in March, 2020. It will not rebuild New York, Washington, or the other cities reduced to rubble. But at the very least, it might prevent a tragedy of this magnitude from occurring again. It is this hope that inspired The 2020 Commission Report. &“I couldn&’t put the book down, reading most of it in the course of one increasingly intense evening. If fear of nuclear war is going to keep you up at night, at least it can be a page-turner.&”—New Scientist
2030: The Real Story of What Happens to America
by Albert BrooksJune 12, 2030 started out like any other day in memory -- and by then, memories were long. Since cancer had been cured fifteen years before, America's population was aging rapidly. That sounds like good news, but consider this: millions of baby boomers, with a big natural predator picked off, were sucking dry benefits and resources that were never meant to hold them into their eighties and beyond. Young people around the country simmered with resentment toward "the olds" and anger at the treadmill they could never get off of just to maintain their parents' entitlement programs. But on that June 12th, everything changed: a massive earthquake devastated Los Angeles, and the government, always teetering on the edge of bankruptcy, was unable to respond. The fallout from the earthquake sets in motion a sweeping novel of ideas that pits national hope for the future against assurances from the past and is peopled by a memorable cast of refugees and billionaires, presidents and revolutionaries, all struggling to find their way. In 2030, the author's all-too-believable imagining of where today's challenges could lead us tomorrow makes gripping and thought-provoking reading.
2030
by Dani Gove2030 es un cóctel apocalíptico que repasa, desde el humor y la sátira, nuestra evolución como especie en un futuro próximo. En 2030... ¿Podremos clonarnos para echar las horas extras del curro? ¿Mantendremos relaciones sexuales con robots aspiradores? ¿Lograremos detener el avance del cambio climático? ¿Habrán dejado por fin de hacer pelis de superhéroes? ¿Dónde están esos malditos coches voladores?
21 Dog Years
by Mike DaiseyBoy meets dot-com, boy falls for dot-com, boy flees dot-com in horror. So goes one of the most perversely hilarious love stories you will ever read, one that blends tech culture, hero worship, cat litter, Albanian economics, venture capitalism, and free bagels into a surreal cocktail of delusion. In 1998, when Amazon. com went to temp agencies to recruit people, they gave them a simple directive: send us your freaks. Mike Daisey -- slacker, onetime aesthetics major, dilettante -- seemed perfect for the job. His ascension from lowly temp to customer service representative to business development hustler over the course of twenty-one dog years is the stuff of both dreams and nightmares. With lunatic precision, Daisey describes the lightless cube farms in which book orders were scrawled on Post-its while technicians struggled to bring computers back online; the fourteen-hour days fueled by caffeine, fanaticism, and illicit day-trading from office desks made from doors; his strange compulsion to send free books to Norwegians; and the fevered insistence of BizDev higher-ups that the perfect business partner was Pets. com -- the now-extinct company that spent all its assets on a sock puppet. In these pages, you'll meet Warren, the cowboy of customer service, capable of verbally hog-tying even the most abusive customer; Amazon employee #5, a reclusive computer gamer worth a cool $300 million, who spends at least six hours a day locked in his office killing goblins; and Jean-Michele, Mike's girlfriend and sparring partner, who tries to keep him grounded, even as dot-com mania seduces them both. At strategic intervals, the narrative is punctuated by hysterically honest letters to CEO Jeff Bezos -- missives that seem ripped from the collective unconscious of dot-com disciples the world over. 21 Dog Yearsis an epic story of greed, self-deception, and heartbreak, a wickedly funny anthem to an era of bounteous stock options and boundless insanity.