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If You Give a Moose a Muffin (If You Give...)
by Laura NumeroffIf a big hungry moose comes to visit, you might give him a muffin to make him feel at home. If you give him a muffin, he'll want some jam to go with it. When he's eaten all your muffins, he'll want to go to the store to get some more muffin mix...In this hilarious sequel to the beloved If You Give a Mouse a Cookie, the young host is again run ragged by a surprise guest. Young readers will delight in the comic complications that follow when a little boy entertains a gregarious moose.The If You Give... series is a perennial favorite among children. With its spare, rhythmic text and circular tale, these books are perfect for beginning readers and story time. Sure to inspire giggles and requests to "read it again!"Other favorites in Laura Numeroff and Felicia Bond's bestselling series include:If You Give a Cat a CupcakeIf You Give a Dog a DonutIf You Give a Mouse a CookieIf You Give a Pig a PancakeIf You Give a Pig a Party
If You Give a Mouse a Brownie (If You Give...)
by Laura NumeroffMouse is back in this ninth picture book in the beloved #1 New York Times bestselling If You Give... series! If you give a mouse a brownie, he's going to ask for some ice cream to go with it. When you give him the ice cream, he'll probably ask you for a spoon. He'll start drumming on the table. Drumming will get him so excited he'll want to start a band. . . .Mouse makes his long-anticipated return to the spotlight in this winning picture book from the acclaimed team of Laura Numeroff and Felicia Bond. Fans of If You Give a Mouse a Cookie won't want to miss this!
If You Give a Mouse a Cookie: A Treasury (If You Give...)
by Laura Joffe NumeroffIf a hungry little traveler shows up at your house, you might want to give him a cookie. If you give him a cookie, he's going to ask for a glass of milk. He'll want to look in a mirror to make sure he doesn't have a milk mustache, and then he'll ask for a pair of scissors to give himself a trim....The consequences of giving a cookie to this energetic mouse run the young host ragged, but young readers will come away smiling at the antics that tumble like dominoes through the pages of this delightful picture book.
If You Give a Mouse an iPhone: A Cautionary Tail
by Ann DroydThe perfect gift for parents everywhere, from the New York Times bestselling author of Goodnight iPad. The parody of If You Give a Mouse a Cookie that every parent will relate to. If you give in to temptation and give a bored little mouse your iPhone, even for ten minutes, he&’s probably going to beam to some faraway place beyond time, space, and the sound of your pleading voice. And if he&’s that far gone, he won&’t have any idea what&’s going on around him, and he might end up missing out on all the real fun. From the New York Times-bestselling author of Goodnight iPad comes a delightful new commentary on the perils of our tech-obsessed lives and a fully charged romp for readers of all ages.
If You Give a Pig a Pancake (If You Give...)
by Laura NumeroffIf you give a pig a pancake, she'll want some syrup to go with it. You'll give her some of your favorite maple syrup, and she'll probably get all sticky, so she'll want to take a bath. She'll ask you for some bubbles. When you give her the bubbles...Readers will delight in the story of an accommodating little girl who tries to keep up with the whims of a busy little pig. Fans of If You Give a Mouse a Cookie will love this perfect addition to the series!The If You Give... series is a perennial favorite among children. With its spare, rhythmic text and circular tale, these books are perfect for beginning readers and story time. Sure to inspire giggles and requests to "read it again!"Other favorites in Laura Numeroff and Felicia Bond's bestselling series include:If You Give a Cat a CupcakeIf You Give a Dog a DonutIf You Give a Moose a MuffinIf You Give a Mouse a CookieIf You Give a Pig a Party
If You Give a Pig the White House: A Parody for Adults
by Faye KanouseA coiffed and blustery pig has shoved his way into the White House! A cleverly worded and illustrated picture book, this is the adult parody of the beloved children’s cautionary tale, If You Give a Pig a Pancake. Watch in dismay as the presidential pig gets into trouble, binges on too much Fox News and fast food, and cavalierly threatens national security. If You Give a Pig the White House both lovingly caricatures the original children's book series and shows just what can happen when a greedy anti-hero tracks his hooves all over America.
If You Give an Elephant Edibles (Addicted Animals #6)
by Sam MiserendinoLight up and laugh out loud at this adult parody of a favorite children&’s series. A hilarious gift for your favorite stoner. A humorous play off of the bestselling If You Give a Moose a Muffin, this new installment of the Addicted Animals series reveals what happens when pot and pachyderm meet. It is a charming, cannabis-infused tale about a circus elephant who, with the help of an edible or two, flies with the greatest of ease. And even though they say an elephant never forgets, this one does! Following the success of other adult-themed parodies of children&’s books, like Go the F*ck to Sleep, author Sam Miserendino presents a delightful tale that will entertain readers with its charming combination of innocence and lack thereof. Featuring gorgeous full-color illustrations by illustrator Mike Odum that accompany the text, this heartwarming cautionary tale informs readers of the dangers of mixing marijuana and large mammals.
If You Had a Jetpack
by Lisl H. DetlefsenA fun and creative answer to the question "what would YOU do if you had a jetpack?" perfect for fans of Boy and Bot and How to Train a Train.Having a jetpack is fun--if you know what to do with one. If you had a jetpack, you could:Teach your brother how to build one too.Demonstrate its usefulness at Show and Share Time at school.Give your principal a ride home.Fly south to visit your nana.Visit the astronauts on the space station and help with anything that needed fixing.Join one inventive little rabbit as he and his brother put their new jetpack to good use!"An energetic, crowd-pleasing read-aloud that can be revisited again and again."--SLJ"This vivid picture book will leave kids longing for jetpacks, while taking off on their own flights of fancy."--Booklist
If You Happen to Have a Dinosaur
by Linda BaileyA tongue-in-cheek look at the practical uses of dinosaurs by a dynamic author/illustrator team. If you happen to have a dinosaur, lying around your living room, and you don't know what to do with it ... why don't you use it as a can opener? It will make a terrific nutcracker too! There are oodles of uses for a dinosaur -- from a fine umbrella to an excellent kite and a dandy pillow, not to mention a reliable burglar alarm and the perfect excuse to forget your homework. This delightfully absurd exploration of the domestic uses of dinosaurs -- and the things dinos just aren't good for at all -- is guaranteed to tickle funny bones and spark imaginations. If you read carefully, you'll learn how to make your dinosaur last a very long time.
If You Lived Here You'd Already be Home: Stories
by John JodzioJohn Jodzio, whose recent breakout collection Knockout was hailed by the New York Times Book Review (every story inventive and a pleasure to read) and NPR (€œHes a compassionate writer who is refreshingly unafraid to take risks, and his book is, well, a knockout), returns with this expanded and updated edition of his cult classic. Jodzio has been lauded for his writing that delicately walks the line between the pain and humor of human experience, the small truths that are exposed through ludicrous situations, and the captivating characters that must navigate them.
If You Lived Here You'd Be Famous by Now: True Stories from Calabasas
by Via BleidnerIf You Lived Here You'd Be Famous by Now is an insider’s collection of funny and warmhearted stories about coming of age in the Los Angeles suburb famed for birthing the Kardashian-Jenners and the Bling RingFor Via Bleidner, transferring to Calabasas High from the private Catholic school she’s attended since second grade is a culture shock, not to mention absolutely lonely. Suddenly thrust into an unfamiliar world of celebrities, affluenza, and McMansions, Via takes a page from Cameron Crowe and pretends she’s on a journalism assignment, taking notes on her classmates and jotting down bits of overheard gossip.Getting through high school in Calabasas is something else—from Kim Kardashian endorsing the students’ favorite hidden lunch spot, to the theater program hiring a famous dog to play Elle Woods' Chihuahua in its production of Legally Blonde, and Kanye trying to take control of your school to make it the very first YEEZY institution.But instead of floating through high school detached from her peers, Via finds that putting herself out there—for her writing, of course—just might have been exactly what she needed. She unexpectedly finds an eclectic group of friends to call her own, including a multi-multi-millionaire, a wild-card throwback intent on going viral, a former Disney actor, and a doughnut-dealing madman.With wit, candor, and sharp observations, twenty-one-year-old Via grounds the surreal glamour of Calabasas with reflections on her own coming-of-age, sharing her teenage misadventures as she struggles to fit in, faces crushing social pressure, and eventually makes her own way.
If You Love Something
by Jayce Ellis"A lovingly drawn depiction of Black family dynamics." —Publishers Weekly on Learned ReactionsA marriage lost is found again in this cheeky new romantic comedy from acclaimed author Jayce Ellis. As executive chef at one of the hottest restaurants in DC, DeShawn Franklin has almost everything he&’s ever wanted. He&’s well-known, his restaurant is Michelin starred and he can write his own ticket anywhere he wants. Until his grandmother calls him home and drops two bombshells:1) She has cancer and she&’s not seeking treatment.2) She&’s willing half her estate to DeShawn&’s ex-husband, Malik.Make that three bombshells. 3) That whole divorce thing? It didn&’t quite go through. DeShawn and Malik are still married.And when DeShawn&’s shady uncle contests Grandma&’s will, there&’s only one path back to justice: play it like he and Malik have reconciled. They need to act like a married couple just long enough to dispense with the lawsuit.Once DeShawn is back in Malik&’s orbit, it&’s not hard to remember why they parted. All the reasons he walked away remain—but so do all the reasons he fell in love in the first place.Carina Adores is home to highly romantic contemporary love stories where LGBTQ+ characters find their happily-ever-afters. Discover a new Carina Adores book every month!
If You Never Come Back
by Sarah SmithI hate Valentine’s Day for one reason and one reason only: Wes Paulsen.He came into my life like a wrecking ball one year ago today. After an incredible night together, we were inseparable for months. I’d never been happier in a relationship—neither had he. We were just starting to build a life together when everything changed...Turns out Wes was hiding things from me—big things. I wanted to work through it, but he walked out, never giving me—never giving us a chance. I didn’t know how I’d be able to get over him, but I threw myself into my art. After months of working nonstop to escape the memories of Wes, my career’s finally taking off and what do you know—Wes walked back into my life. Once again on Valentine’s Day.One year to the day that we met.I’ve spent six months hardening my heart. It should be easy to reject him, to tell him I’ve moved on. But he’s doing everything—and more—to win me back. He’s being the boyfriend I’ve always wanted. It’ll take everything in me to resist him—I’m not even sure if I can. But I’ll sure as hell try.
If You Take a Mouse to School (If You Give...)
by Laura NumeroffMouse goes to school in this picture book in the beloved #1 New York Times bestselling If You Give... series!If you take a mouse to school, he'll ask you for your lunch box. When you give him your lunch box, he'll want a sandwich to go in it. Then he'll need a notebook and some pencils. He'll probably want to share your backpack, too.The famous mouse from If You Take a Mouse to the Movies and If You Give a Mouse a Cookie is back for his first day of school. Only Laura Numeroff and Felicia Bond could make school this much fun!A perfect addition to the classic and beloved series—be sure to collect them all!
If You Take a Mouse to the Movies (If You Give...)
by Laura NumeroffMouse celebrates the holidays in this picture book in the beloved #1 New York Times bestselling If You Give... series!If you take a mouse to the movies, he'll ask you for some popcorn. If you give him the popcorn, he'll want to string it all together. Then he'll want to hang it on a Christmas tree.The famous little mouse from If You Give a Mouse a Cookie that has delighted millions of readers is back in an irresistible tale full of holiday antics. Collect all the books in this giggle-inspiring classic series!
If You, Then Me
by Yvonne WoonWarm and funny, this coming-of-age romcom from teen author Yvonne Woon is set in Silicon Valley and delves into the questions we all ask when making mistakes—in life and in love—perfect for fans of Emergency Contact and When Dimple Met Rishi. <p><p> What would you ask your future self? First question: What does it feel like to kiss someone?Xia is stuck in a lonely, boring loop. Her only escapes are Wiser, an artificial intelligence app she designed to answer questions as her future self, and a mysterious online crush she knows only as ObjectPermanence. <p><p> Until one day Xia enrolls at the Foundry, an app incubator for tech prodigies in Silicon Valley, and suddenly anything is possible. Flirting with Mast, a classmate also working on AI, leads to a date. Speaking up generates a vindictive nemesis intent on publicly humiliating her. And running into Mitzy Erst, Foundry alumna and Xia’s idol, could give Xia all the answers. <p><p> And then Xia receives a shocking message from ObjectPermanence. He is at the Foundry, too. Xia is torn between Mast and ObjectPermanence—just as Mitzy pushes her towards a shiny new future. Xia doesn’t have to ask Wiser to know: The right choice could transform her into the future self of her dreams, but the wrong one could destroy her.
If You Want to Knit Some Mittens
by Laura Purdie SalasIn this humorous picture book, a girl's desire to knit mittens leads to something even better: the warmth of friendship.How do you knit a pair of mittens? The first step is to get a sheep of course! In this playful story, a girl follows 18 steps to knit mittens--from bringing home a sheep to carding, spinning, and dyeing the wool to knitting the mittens. But along the way, her mischievous sheep creates chaos and wins her heart. By wintertime, the girl has sunny-yellow mittens, the sheep has a sunny-yellow hat, and together they're ready for adventure. This tale of patience, creativity, and friendship is knitted from skeins of humor and love.
If You Were a Chocolate Mustache
by J. Patrick Lewis Matthew CordellIn this tasty collection, J. Patrick Lewis displays the breadth and depth of his talent, giving readers of any and every sensibility something to make them laugh out loud. He stirs humor into an astonishing array of subjects--from animals to school to dragons to food. And he delivers them in a remarkable variety of forms, including riddles, limericks, nonsense rhymes, parodies, anagrams, story poems, haiku, and more. <P><P>Baked in Lewis's brilliant imagination and sprinkled with Matthew Cordell's warm, witty drawings, the result is a collection to delight the taste buds.
If You Were Here
by Jen LancasterAmish-zombie-teen-romance author Mia and her husband Mac buy and renovate their first home in the Chicago suburbs that John Hughes' movies made famous. Along their harrowing renovation journey, they get caught up in various wars with the homeowners' association, meet some less-than-friendly neighbors, and are joined by a hilarious cast of supporting characters.
If You’d Just Let Me Finish
by Jeremy ClarksonClarkson is back with a brand new book of hilarious stories and observations about our gone-wrong world. ___________In November 2016 we woke up to the news that the forthright presenter of a popular television programme had become the most powerful man on the planet. His name, sadly, was not Jeremy Clarkson, but we might not have been any more surprised if it had been.Because the world seems to have taken a decidedly odd turn since Jeremy last reflected on the state of things between the covers of a book. But who better than JC to help us navigate our way through the mess?And while he's being trying to make sense of it all he's discovered one or two things along the way, including- The disabling effects of being vegan- How Blackpool might be improved by drilling a hole through it- The problem with meditation- A perfect location for rebuilding Palmyra- Why Tom Cruise can worship lizards if he wants toIt's all been a bit unsettling.But don't worry. If You'd Just Let Me Finish is Clarkson at his best. He may be as bemused, exasperated, amused and surprised as the rest of us, but in a world gone crazy, thank God someone has still got his head screwed on ...Praise for Clarkson:'Brilliant...laugh-out-loud' - Daily Telegraph'Outrageously funny...will have you in stiches' - Time Out'Very funny...I cracked up laughing on the tube' - Evening Standard
If You're A Monster And You Know It
by Rebecca Emberley Ed EmberleyA brand-new monster twist on a classic song by Caldecott Medalist Ed Emberley and his daughter, Rebecca Emberley.Children will stomp their paws, twitch their tails, snort and growl, and wiggle and wriggle along with this bright and bold picture book twist on "If You're Happy and You Know It." Rebecca Emberley has written a rollicking text, which she has illustrated in collaboration with her father, Caldecott Medalist Ed Emberley. Includes a fun sing-along song by Adrienne Emberley which can be downloaded at www.scholstic.com/ifyouramonsterandyouknowit
IFLScience 117 Things You Should F*#king Know About Your World
by Paul Parsons The Writers of IFLScienceIFLScience presents the most intriguing and far-out facts about space, technology, the human brain, nature, and so much more that you should know, right now!117 Things You Should F*#ing Know About Your World is a compendium of the greatest articles from IFLScience's long history, broken up by leading subjects: Health & Medicine Plants & Animals Technology The Brain Space The Environment Chemistry PhysicsEach chapter opens with a new and irreverent introduction to the subject and collection of stories by author Paul Parsons, and the book features fascinating sidebars on related stories, photos, and illustrations throughout.From pinpointing the exact worst time to be alive in human history, to learning what makes you a procrastinator or a go-getter, to the very key to a happy sex life, and so much more, this is the science book that only the world's leading source of crazy-but-true stories could produce.
Iggy Is Better Than Ever (Iggy #2)
by Annie BarrowsThe second book in the Iggy series about the lovable troublemaker by New York Times bestselling author Annie Barrows (Ivy + Bean).One thing led to another . . .Have you ever heard those words? Sometimes it means "Things got better." That's not what it means in this book. In this book, Iggy gets an idea--a perfectly fine idea--and then, unfortunately, the principal shows up, and then, even more unfortunately, there's an incident with a basketball, and then, before you know it, Iggy's flying through the air.How did it all happen? It's really hard to explain. You'd better read the book.In the second book in Annie Barrows's series about how causing a little bit of trouble can sometimes be a whole lot of fun, Iggy almost realizes that the consequences of his actions can affect others. Almost.
Iggy Is the Hero of Everything (Iggy #3)
by Annie BarrowsThe third book in the Iggy series about the lovable troublemaker from New York Times bestselling author of Ivy + Bean.From Iggy's point of view, his plan was genius, pure genius. From Iggy's point of view, he's saved (a) his candy, (b) his family, and (c) the toaster. From Iggy's point of view, he should get a trophy. And respect. And more candy. So what if Rudy Heckie disagrees? Rudy Heckie has been wrong before and he'll be wrong again. Rudy has a scar now, and scars are cool! He should be happy. So should Mr. Heckie. So should Iggy's mom and dad. Everyone should be happy. Specifically, everyone should be happy with Iggy. But are they? It all depends on your point of viewIn the third installment of Annie Barrows's series about the secret joys of causing trouble, readers will learn about the power of interpretation (but we all know who's really right).
Iggy The Legend (Iggy #4)
by Annie BarrowsThe fourth book in the Iggy series about the lovable troublemaker from New York Times bestselling author of Ivy + Bean.Grownups are always changing the rules! When grown-ups make money, it&’s good. But when Iggy makes money, all of a sudden it&’s bad. When grown-ups find something interesting on the sidewalk, it&’s finders keepers. But when Iggy finds something (very) interesting, finders keepers turns into You&’re In Trouble. Why is Iggy being blamed for something they never said he couldn&’t do? What did he do, you ask? Something legendary!