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Mortified: Real Words. Real People. Real Pathetic.
by David NadelbergShare the shame. In the days before blogs, teenagers recorded their lives with a pen in top-secret notebooks, usually emblazoned with an earnest, underlined plea to parents to keep away. Since 2002, David Nadelberg has tapped that vast wellspring of adolescent anguish in the stage show Mortified, in which grown men and women confront their past with firsthand tales of their first kiss, first puff, worst prom, fights with mom, life at bible camp, worst hand job, best mall job, and reasons they deserved to marry Simon LeBon. Following the same formula that has made the live show a beloved cult hit, Mortified the book takes real childhood journals and documents and edits the entries into captivating, comedic, and cathartic stories, introduced by their now older (and allegedly wiser) authors. From letters begging rescue from a hellish summer camp to catty locker notes about stuck-up classmates to obsessive love that borders on stalking, Mortified gives voice to the real -- and really pathetic -- hopes, fears, desires, and creative urgings that have united adolescents for generations.
Moscow 2042
by Vladimir VoinovichIn 1982, Vitaly Nikitich Kartsev, a Russian writer and recent (unwilling) emigrant to Germany does not think he is a dissident and dearly wants to return to his beloved Moscow. He finds this might be possible if he takes a strange new Lufthansa flight to Moscow 2042. Will Moscow of the future be any more willing to accept Kartsev?
Mosquitoes (Dover Thrift Editions: Classic Novels)
by William FaulknerWilliam Faulkner’s inspiration for his second novel, Mosquitoes (1927), was his involvement in the 1920s New Orleans creative community. Mosquitoes explores the themes of sexuality and the societal role of the artist as it follows a bohemian cast of characters on a four-day cruise aboard the yacht Nausikaa, which is owned by a wealthy patron of the arts. The excursion on Lake Pontchartrain offers an intriguing glimpse into the youth of one of the most influential writers of the twentieth century.
Mossy and Tweed: Crazy for Coconuts (I Like to Read Comics)
by Mirka HokkanenTwo clueless gnomes on a quest to crack a coconut make one blooper after another in this over-the-top funny early graphic novel series.Mossy and Tweed enjoy a perfect day in the Gnome Woods. The air is crisp, their gardens are growing, and the next-door neighbors have a good-natured argument brewing. But then a runaway coconut lands between their homes. What is inside this strange nut? The tag hints at water . . . sand . . . sunshine . . . Could it be paradise? The gnomes must know! Armed with dreams of an instant vacation, the wacky duo sets out to crack their nut. Cozy Scandinavian illustrations, oodles of &“oopsies,&” and easy-to-read banter are sure to delight in this new series for emerging readers. Kids will laugh themselves silly at Mossy and Tweed&’s slapstick misadventures. I Like to Read® Comics are perfect for kids who are challenged by or unengaged in reading, kids who love art, and the growing number of young comics fans. Filled with eye-catching art, humor, and terrific stories these comics provide unique reading experiences for growing minds. Like their award-winning I Like to Read® counterparts, these books are created by celebrated artists and support reading comprehension to transform children into lifelong readers.
Most Marshmallows
by Rowboat WatkinsMost marshmallows are born into marshmallow families, play with marshmallow friends, and go to marshmallow school where they learn to be squishy. Most marshmallows read a book before bed and then fall asleep to dream ordinary marshmallow dreams. Is this book about most marshmallows? It isn't. Because Rowboat Watkins knows that just like you, some marshmallows have big dreams, and just like you, these marshmallows can do anything they set their minds to. This sweet and silly book is an inspiring reminder that by being true to ourselves each of us can be truly extraordinary.
Most Wonderful: A Christmas Novel
by Georgia ClarkIt&’s the most romantic time of the year. Three adult siblings, each at a personal and romantic crossroads, reunite with their larger-than-life mother at her Catskills manor for an unforgettable Christmas in &“the funny queer holiday rom-com [we&’ve] always wanted to read&” (Self).&“Perfectly captures the glimmering magic of love at the holidays.&”—Christina Lauren, New York Times bestselling author of The UnhoneymoonersThe holidays are fast approaching, and the Belvedere siblings are a mess. Liz, a Hollywood showrunner and responsible eldest, has no idea how to follow up her hit show&’s first season, or how to deal with her giant crush on its star, Violet Grace. Birdie turned her chronic middle-child syndrome into a career as a stand-up comic, but since she spends more time wooing women than working on new material, she&’s facing one-hit-wonder status, especially once she gets axed by her manager. And Rafi, sensitive romantic and the baby golden boy, proposes to his co-worker girlfriend in front of their entire company, only to be turned down by the woman he thought was the love of his life.Born to three different fathers, the three adult children share one mother: famed actress and singer Babs Belvedere. Seeking direction and holiday cheer, all three siblings head up to their mother&’s house in the country, determined to swear off love and focus on themselves and their work. But the spirit of the season seems to have different plans for them, and their best intentions are quickly derailed in the most delightful and festive of ways.Emotional, smart, and sexy, this queer holiday rom-com celebrates love, family, and the wild creative life―perfect for fans of Emily Henry and Casey McQuiston.
Mostly Dead Things: A Novel
by Kristen Arnett<P><P>One morning, Jessa-Lynn Morton walks into the family taxidermy shop to find that her father has committed suicide, right there on one of the metal tables. <P><P>Shocked and grieving, Jessa steps up to manage the failing business, while the rest of the Morton family crumbles. Her mother starts sneaking into the shop to make aggressively lewd art with the taxidermied animals. Her brother Milo withdraws, struggling to function. And Brynn, Milo’s wife—and the only person Jessa’s ever been in love with—walks out without a word. <P><P>As Jessa seeks out less-than-legal ways of generating income, her mother’s art escalates—picture a figure of her dead husband and a stuffed buffalo in an uncomfortably sexual pose—and the Mortons reach a tipping point. For the first time, Jessa has no choice but to learn who these people truly are, and ultimately how she fits alongside them. <P><P> Kristen Arnett’s debut novel is a darkly funny, heart-wrenching, and eccentric look at loss and love. <P><b>A New York Times Bestseller</b>
Mostly Void, Partially Stars: Welcome to Night Vale—Episodes, Volume 1 (Welcome To Night Vale Episodes Ser. #1)
by Joseph Fink Jeffrey CranorA collection of scripts from season one of the hit podcast, Welcome to Night Vale,featuring behind-the-scenes commentary & original illustrations.A friendly desert community, where the sun is hot, the moon is beautiful, and the mysterious lights pass overhead while we all pretend to sleep.Welcome to Night Vale.In June of 2012, the creators of Welcome to Night Vale began airing twice-monthly podcasts about a fictional town in the American Southwest where ghosts, angels, aliens, and government conspiracies are all commonplace parts of day-to-day life. Mostly Void, Partially Stars contains the first year of episodes from the podcast that would become a worldwide sensation.Offering both an entertaining reading experience as well as a valuable reference guide to past episodes, Mostly Void, Partially Stars features a foreword by Cory Doctorow, an introduction by creator and cowriter Joseph Fink, behind-the-scenes commentary and guest introductions by both authors, as well as podcast performers and collaborators including Cecil Baldwin (Cecil), Dylan Marron (Carlos), and Kevin R. Free (Kevin), among others. Also here is the full script from the first Welcome to Night Vale live show, “Condos.” Beautiful illustrations by series artist Jessica Hayworth accompany each episode.Mostly Void, Partially Stars is an absolute must-have whether you’re a fan of the podcast or discovering for the first time the wonderful world of Night Vale.
Motel of the Mysteries
by David MacaulayA future archeologist finds the remnants of a mysterious ancient people—us—in a wry satire that is &“a marvel of imagination and . . . wonderfully illustrated&” (The New York Times). It is the year 4022, and the entire ancient country of Usa has been buried under many feet of detritus from a catastrophe that occurred back in 1985. Howard Carson, an amateur archeologist, is crossing the perimeter of an abandoned excavation site when he feels the ground give way beneath him. Suddenly, he finds himself at the bottom of a shaft, which, judging from the DO NOT DISTURB sign hanging from an archaic doorknob, is clearly the entrance to a still-sealed burial chamber. Carson's incredible discoveries, including the remains of two bodies, one laid to rest on a ceremonial bed facing an altar that appeared to be a means of communicating with the Gods and the other lying in a porcelain sarcophagus in the Inner Chamber. These dramatic discoveries give Carson all the clues he needs to piece together the entire civilization—which he gets utterly wrong. The acclaimed author and illustrator of Castle and Pyramid, David Macaulay presents a wonderfully tongue-in-cheek satire of both historical presumption and American self-importance.
Mother Finds a Body (Femmes Fatales)
by Gypsy Rose LeeThis encore performance by the author of The G-String Murders is simply &“one of the greatest mysteries ever written&” (Philadelphia Daily News). It&’s supposed to be a quiet honeymoon getaway for celebrated stripper Gypsy Rose Lee and Biff Brannigan, ex-comic and ex-Casanova of the Burly Q circuit, settled as they are in a cozy trailer built for two. If you don&’t count Gypsy&’s overbearing mother, a monkey act, and Gee Gee, a.k.a. the Platinum Panic. Not to mention the best man found shot to death in the bathtub. Strippers are used to ballyhoo, but this time it&’s murder. Leave it to Gypsy and her latest scandal to draw a crowd: Biff&’s burnt-out ex-flame, a sleazy dive owner with a Ziegfeld complex, a bus-and-truck circus troupe, and a local Texas sheriff randy for celebrities. But when another corpse turns up with a knife in his back, Gypsy fears that some rube is dead set on pulling the curtain on her bump and grind. She&’s been in the biz long enough to know this ghastly mess is just a tease of things to come.
Mother Knows Best?: The Truth About Mom's Well-Meaning (But Not Always Accurate) Advice
by Sue CastleWill a little warm milk really help you go to sleep? (Yes-although cold milk works just as well.) Does turning a light off for a few minutes actually use more energy than it saves? (No.) Is chicken soup the best cure for the common cold? (Not clear, but it certainly helps.) If you pick up a baby every time she cries, will she get spoiled? (No, babies need all the love they can get!) Your mother should know . . . but does she? Here is the book that finally sets the record straight on the received wisdom and commonly accepted notions we've all routinely followed for generations. Mother Knows Best? will entertain and amuse as it informs, offering not only the real basis in fact but also the origin and purpose of Mom's sometimes dubious counsel.
Mother for Dinner: A Novel
by Shalom AuslanderBy the author of Foreskin's Lament, a novel of identity, tribalism, and mothers.Seventh Seltzer has done everything he can to break from the past, but in his overbearing, narcissistic mother's last moments he is drawn back into the life he left behind. At her deathbed, she whispers in his ear the two words he always knew she would: "Eat me."This is not unusual, as the Seltzers are Cannibal-Americans, a once proud and thriving ethnic group, but for Seventh, it raises some serious questions, both practical and emotional. Of practical concern, his dead mother is six-foot-two and weighs about four hundred and fifty pounds. Even divided up between Seventh and his eleven brothers, that's a lot of red meat. Plus Second keeps kosher, Ninth is vegan, First hated her, and Sixth is dead. To make matters worse, even if he can wrangle his brothers together for a feast, the Can-Am people have assimilated, and the only living Cannibal who knows how to perform the ancient ritual is their Uncle Ishmael, whose erratic understanding of their traditions leads to conflict. Seventh struggles with his mother's deathbed request. He never loved her, but the sense of guilt and responsibility he feels--to her and to his people and to his "unique cultural heritage"--is overwhelming. His mother always taught him he was a link in a chain, thousands of people long, stretching back hundreds of years. But, as his brother First says, he's getting tired of chains. Irreverent and written with Auslander's incomparable humor, Mother for Dinner is an exploration of legacy, assimilation, the things we owe our families, and the things we owe ourselves.
Mother in Training: Mother In Training A Billionaire And A Baby (Talk of the Neighborhood #4)
by Marie FerrarellaMeticulous and by-the-book, corporate lawyer Jack Lever was used to order—not the disorder of two small children. When his babysitter abruptly quit, the single dad didn't know where to turn. He couldn't believe his good luck when Zooey Finnegan agreed to become his nanny.Uninhibited and fun, Zooey was happy to take care of Jack's children instead of sitting behind a desk in her family's business. And to her surprise, Zooey soon loved the Levers like they were her own flesh and blood. It didn't take long for Jack's kids to fall hopelessly in love with her, either.Their father could be a different story....
Mother in the Making (Home on the Ranch)
by Ellen JamesHOME ON THE RANCH"Ellen James writes with warmth, wit and style. I look forward to each new book."-Debbie MacomberThe Blue Mesa Ranch, near Stillwell, New MexicoHallie Claremont- She's the Blue Mesa's owner. Not that this is anything to brag about as far as Hallie's concerned. She inherited the place, and even she-who knows nothing about ranching-can tell the ranch needs work and lots of it. Still, she doesn't have any choice. With no money to her name, an adopted baby and a rebellious teenage brother to support, Hallie is now a rancher in the making. Of course, she's also a mother in the making, but she can be both-she's sure of it!Too bad that Hallie's new neighbor Dr. Gabe Miller doesn't see it that way. But no, the handsome doctor persists in seeing Hallie as a crisis in the making. Still, that doesn't explain why he's taken it upon himself to set her straight!HOME ON THE RANCH
Mother of Pearl: A Novel
by Edward SwiftThe hilarious chronicle of the McAlister clan, a collection of bickering southern eccentrics whose family history is a parade of missteps, mishaps, and certifiable insanityIn the later years of her life, widow and grandmother Pearl decides to return to East Texas and move in with her sister, Wanda Gay—despite the fact that the two have never agreed on anything. (It is no wonder that brother Frank preferred the relative quiet of a prison cell.) A particular bone of contention seems to be the perceived saintliness or demonic nature of their late mother, Eugenia Fane. An unbending, overbearing, man-hating matriarch who not-so-stoically endured her own mother, Eugenia set a standard that the McAlister women would find nearly impossible—and quite mad—to try to live up to. Through the disputed remembrances, distortions, and wound saltings of Wanda Gay and Pearl, the twisted personal history of the McAlister dynasty comes to light, revealing what it is exactly that makes a family endure in spite of itself.Like Faulkner in a funhouse, in Mother of Pearl, acclaimed author Edward Swift (Splendora) gives readers an extraordinary Southern gothic tale filled with unbridled dark humor, outrageous incidents, and wildly unforgettable characters.
Mother of the Year
by Karen Ross‘I often think my mother would prefer colonic irrigation to hanging out with me...’Beth Jackson is a national treasure, celebrated for her television shows and winning the Mother of the Year Award three times in a row.Only, her daughter just wishes that Beth would be more like a normal mum...
Mother to Son, Revised Edition: Shared Wisdom from the Heart
by Harry H. Harrison Jr. Melissa HarrisonWarm and fuzzy, anchored in values, and filled with simple words of wisdom, this beloved, bestselling book for parents speaks to the important business of raising sons, and distills their timeless lessons into one nugget of wisdom per page—some lighthearted, some serious, some practical, and some intangible, and all supported by a strong moral backbone.Freshly updated, the book begins with the Five Keys of Parenting, a guide to navigating the extraordinary, even if sometimes exasperating, journey of parenthood. It’s filled with the importance of nurturing responsibility: Teach him that the world will judge him by his actions, not his intentions. Fun stuff: Have tea with him in the afternoons. Serve cookies. And when he’s ready to go: Hug him fiercely.
Mother: A Book of Quotations (Dover Thrift Editions: Speeches/Quotations)
by Herb GalewitzThis delightful and entertaining collection includes scores of quotations, sayings, and speculations about motherhood — from the Roman poet Virgil and St. Augustine to movie-maker Mack Sennett and comedienne Phyllis Diller. Shakespeare is quoted, as are Euripides, Thomas Alva Edison, Abraham Lincoln, Oscar Wilde, Napoleon, Edna Ferber, Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis, Gloria Vanderbilt, Ralph Waldo Emerson, Harriet Beecher Stowe, and many other writers, statesmen, celebrities, biblical figures, movie stars, and others.There’s solid advice from Abigail Van Buren ("If you want your children to turn out well, spend twice as much time with them, and half as much money."), profound utterings by President Theodore Roosevelt ("Into a woman's keep is committed the destiny of the generations to come."), as well as tongue-in-cheek comments from American humorist Will Rogers ("I doubt if a charging elephant or rhino is as determined or hard to check as a socially ambitious mother.")A wonderful little time for browsing, this book will also serve as a handy reference.
Motherhood Comes Naturally (and Other Vicious Lies)
by Jill SmoklerNewly pregnant and scared out of her mind, Jill Smokler lay on her gynecologist's examination table and was told the biggest lie she'd ever heard in her life: "Motherhood is the most natural thing in the world." Instead of quelling her nerves like that well-intentioned nurse hoped, Jill was instead set up for a future of questioning exactly what DNA strand she was missing that made the whole motherhood experience feel less than natural to her. Wonderful? Yes. Miraculous? Of course. Worthwhile? Without a doubt. But natural? Not so much. Motherhood IS HEARING THE WORD "WHY" AT LEAST A HUNDRED TIMES A DAY AND, MOST OF THE TIME, NOT HAVING AN ANSWER. Jill Smokler's first memoir, the New York Times bestseller Confessions of a Scary Mommy, rocketed to national fame with its down-and-dirty details about life with her three precious bundles of joy. Motherhood IS USING YOUR SLEEVES TO WIPE RUNNY NOSES AND YOUR SPIT TO CLEAN DIRTY FACES. Now Jill returns with all-new essays debunking more than twenty pervasive myths about motherhood. She gives you what few others will dare: the truth. Motherhood IS NEVER PEEING OR SHOWERING IN PEACE. This is not a parenting manual or how-to guide (there are plenty of those out there and you've probably read more than your share). Think of it instead as a coping resource. Motherhood IS ALWAYS FEELING MILDLY SICK BUT NEVER BEING ABLE TO WALLOW IN YOUR OWN MISERY. If you've ever wondered why nobody bothered to tell you what having kids is really like, or felt like you were in (six feet) over your head, this book will show you that you're far from being alone. You're not the only mother who's wanted to spend Mother's Day as far away from her children as possible, and you aren't the only one with a frenemy who happens to be nine years old. Join Jill and her army of Scary Mommies united by a deep love for their children, an understanding that motherhood isn't always easy, and a mission to survive in one piece.
Motherhood Is a B#tch: 10 Steps to Regaining Your Sanity, Sexiness, and Inner Diva
by Jill Kargman Sheryl Berk Lyss SternYou’ve had a kid or two . . . or three. Now, every time you look in the mirror you ask yourself, "Who the hell is that tired, washed out woman looking back at me?” What happened to the stylish, stiletto-wearing woman who prided herself on living the fabulous life? It’s time to reclaim your pre-baby body, mind, and mojo. No more sulking, stressing, or resenting other moms who have it more together than you and wondering how they do it. Motherhood is a B#tch! tells you how YOU can do it.This guide tells it like it is and explains how women lose their sense of self once they have children and why it’s so important to reclaim it. Motherhood is a B#tch! tackles the toughest issues facing moms today and empowers you to regain your once fierce and fab self. In the end, you’ll be happier, healthier, and hotter than ever.Motherhood is a B#tch! is the modern mom’s bible for dealing with the day-to-day chaos with style and grace. It’s written for the stressed out working mom and the harried stay-at-home mom, who have sacrificed their lives, careers, bodies, and sanity to become moms. And, honey, it’s time to take it all back!
Motherhood: The Second Oldest Profession
by Erma BombeckMotherhood is the second oldest profession in the world. It never questions age, height, religious preference, health, political affiliation, citizenship, morality, ethnic background, marital status, economic level, convenience, or previous experience. It's the biggest on-the-job training program in existence today.
Motherhood: The Second Oldest Profession
by Erma Bombeck#1 New York Times bestseller:A hilarious look at one of the toughest jobs on earth, by a writer &“with the comic equivalent of perfect pitch&” (The Boston Globe). Anyone who thinks motherhood is easy has never had children. To care for children, a husband, and oneself is a superhuman task, and any woman who appears to be expert at doing all three simultaneously is not Supermom—she&’s a good actress. For three decades, Erma Bombeck chronicled motherhood&’s daily frustrations and victories. In this classic anthology, she presents all sorts of mothers, and even a stay-at-home dad, on good days and bad. With hilarious anecdotes and deep compassion, she shows that there is no other profession that demands so much, and rewards so highly. This ebook features an illustrated biography of Erma Bombeck including rare images and never-before-seen documents from the author&’s estate.
Mothering Heights: A year of joy and survival in the trenches of early parenthood
by Rachael Mogan McIntoshFollowing Rachael Mogan McIntosh over the year she gave birth to her third child and completed her shapeshift from wild to mild, Mothering Heights is a hilarious, moving celebration of early parenthood.The sudden and total identity theft of motherhood leftRachael with a kind of emotional whiplash. One day, she was wearing a funky outfit in a dark club, and the next she was performing 'Dingle Dangle Scarecrow' for an underwhelmed crowd of toddlers.Rachael adored all three of her tiny dictators and their non-stop comedy shenanigans, but the life of service was a tougher job than she had ever imagined. Through joyous heights and heartbreaking lows, motherhood cracked her heart wide open.
Mothering Heights: A year of joy and survival in the trenches of early parenthood
by Rachael Mogan McIntoshFollowing Rachael Mogan McIntosh over the year she gave birth to her third child and completed her shapeshift from wild to mild, Mothering Heights is a hilarious, moving celebration of early parenthood.The sudden and total identity theft of motherhood leftRachael with a kind of emotional whiplash. One day, she was wearing a funky outfit in a dark club, and the next she was performing 'Dingle Dangle Scarecrow' for an underwhelmed crowd of toddlers.Rachael adored all three of her tiny dictators and their non-stop comedy shenanigans, but the life of service was a tougher job than she had ever imagined. Through joyous heights and heartbreaking lows, motherhood cracked her heart wide open.
Mothership
by John BrosnanShrewd, devious, cunning and a born liar - but as a Court Jester, Jad's a disaster. So when he's sent off with the warlord's son, Prince Kender, on a spying mission, he's hoping that his less desirable traits will actually save his life. Since the Day of Wonder, when all the electric lights stopped working, there have been rumours of unrest in the neighbouring domains . . . and no one has seen hide nor hair of any of the Elite, the ruthless technocrat class that have ruled Urba for centuries. What most of the inhabitants don't realise is that their world of Urba is actually a giant spacecraft, an ark built more than a thousand years ago to save as much of the Earth's population as possible before the sun went nova. The Elite were originally the ship's crew, and as a social experiment, the ship's population were forced to live a pseudo-mediaeval life . . . and as the centuries passed, the Elite became decadent, corrupt and cruel and the truth about Urba became hidden. And now Jad and his courageous - if thick - Prince are about to find out what happened to the Elite - and what's happening to the people of Urba . . .