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Power Moves: A Guide to Livin' the American Dream, USA Style
by Karl WelzeinMeet Karl Welzein, aka Captain Karl, aka @DadBoner on Twitter—the Midwest's most beautiful loserKarl Welzein is really lookin' forward to the weekend, you guys.His job is a drag and his wife kicked him out, but that's okay. She wears granny panties and is constantly dropping wads of cash at Target, and his son cries all the time. Now his "temporary" roommate, Dave, ate all the Totino's pizza rolls. Again. Karl Welzein is sick of this. So sick of this.Power Moves chronicles the hilarious decline of Karl Welzein on his journey from life as a Dockers-and-golfshirt-wearing dad to a ponytailed party maniac who spits out his life philosophies like a modern-day Charles Bukowski (if he preferred to get drunk at Applebee's).A middle-aged Michigan native, Karl may be overweight, prone to questionable fashion and culinary choices, oblivious to his drinking problem, a poor excuse for an employee, obsessed with the restroom, and a terrible husband, father, and friend . . . but in his heart he means well. He's just like a lot of us—he loves the USA, Guy Fieri, bold flavors, Bob Seger, and thinking he looks jacked in a tight tee and Maui Jim sunglasses. Karl is an everyman and like no other man on the planet all at once.Inspired by the Twitter feed @DadBoner, Karl finally tells his full story. He shares his wisdom on fitness (1. Look at a pic of Stone Cold Steve Austin. 2. Do 'shups 'til you look like Stone Cold. 3. Cut off your sleeves), diet (Eat only the filling of the Taco Bell Beefy Melts for maximum flavor and low-carb health), fashion (Wearin' boots with jean shorts says "I like to keep cool, but I'm ready if the action gets hot"), work life (If you don't have a job that makes you want to kill yourself, you don't deserve to drink until you want to die), and the bliss of the perfect weekend (beers, brats, and babes' chest beefers).But above all, this is a story about America—the real red, white, and blue America of today. Welcome to Karl's world. Reading this book is the ultimate Power Move.
Power of Three
by Diana Wynne JonesAyna could predict the future. Cari could find what was lost. Gair thought he was ordinary. The three children of Gest, the chief of Garholt, know the perils of the Moor on which they live. The Dorig, their people's enemies, are cold-blooded, fierce underwater creatures who terrify anyone unlucky enough to happen upon them. The Giants are dangerous and violent. But it's not until their home is invaded that Gair learns of a dying curse that endangers all three peoples of the Moor. A curse that ordinary Gair, with the help of his extraordinary brother and sister, may be able to break, but only at the most dreadful risk to all three, and to the Moor itself.
A Practical Guide to Racism
by C. H. DaltonMeet C. H. Dalton, a professor of racialist studies and an expert on inferior people of all ethnicities, genders, religions, and sexual preferences. Presenting evidence that everyone should be hated, A Practical Guide to Racism contains sparkling bits of wisdom on such subjects as: · The good life enjoyed by blacks, who shuffle through life unhindered by the white man's burdens, to become accomplished athletes, rhyme smiths, and dominoes champions · The sad story of the industrious, intelligent Jews, whose entire reputation is sullied by their taste for the blood of Christian babies · A close look at the bizarre, sweet-smelling race known as women, who are not very good at anything - especially ruling the free world · A crucial manual to Arabs, a people so sensitive they are liable to blow up at any time. Literally.e glossary of timeless epithets, with hundreds of pejorative words for everyone from Phoenicians to Jews, A Practical Guide to Racism is an essential field guide for our multicultural world.
A Practical Guide to Racism
by C. H. DaltonA look at the races of the world by a lovable bigot, capturing the proud history and bright future of racism in one handy, authoritative, and deeply offensive volume Meet ?C. H. Dalton,? a professor of racialist studies and an expert on inferior people of all ethnicities, genders, religions, and sexual preferences. Presenting evidence that everyone should be hated, A Practical Guide to Racism contains sparkling bits of wisdom on such subjects as: · The good life enjoyed by blacks, who shuffle through life unhindered by the white man?s burdens, to become accomplished athletes, rhyme smiths, and dominoes champions · The sad story of the industrious, intelligent Jews, whose entire reputation is sullied by their taste for the blood of Christian babies · A close look at the bizarre, sweet-smelling race known as ?women,? who are not very good at anything?especially ruling the free world · A crucial manual to Arabs, a people so sensitive they are liable to blow up at any time. Literally. Including a comprehensive glossary of timeless epithets, with hundreds of pejorative words for everyone from Phoenicians to Jews, A Practical Guide to Racism is an essential field guide for our multicultural world. .
Practically Perfect
by Caroline AndersonWhen surgeon Connie Wright broke her arm, she had some serious decisions to make. It seemed natural to go home, but finding Patrick Durrant pinch–hitting for her father in his general practice was disturbing. Connie thought him deeply attractive, and his small son, Edward, soon found a place in her heart. But how could she let herself fall in love when Patrick would be moving on to a permanent country practice, and Connie would of course be returning to London?
Practically Perfect: A Novel
by Katie FfordeA designer copes with a cottage renovation, a rescue greyhound, and a handsome home inspector in a novel by “the queen of uplifting, feel good romance” (A.J. Pearce, Sunday Times–bestselling author of the Emmy Lake Chronicles).Anna, a newly qualified interior designer, has decided it’s time to put her money and her expertise where her mouth is—so she risks everything to buy a tiny but adorable cottage in desperate need of renovation.Outside, the chocolate-box cottage is perfect, but inside, all is chaos. With a ladder for a staircase, no downstairs flooring, candles the only form of lighting, and a sleeping bag for a bed, Anna soon wonders if she’s bitten off more than she can chew.Her neighbor Chloe comes to the rescue, providing tea, wine, and sympathy—and a recently rescued greyhound named Caroline. But just as Anna’s starting to settle in, make new friends, and see the house transforming before her eyes, the impossible—and impossibly good-looking—Rob Hunter arrives on the scene and puts even more obstacles in her way . . . Praise for Katie Fforde“Witty writing and plotting.” —The New York Times Book Review“Romantic comedy is one of the hardest things to pull off, requiring aplomb, immaculate timing, and a relish for the absurd. Katie Fforde pays the form a spirited compliment.” —Elizabeth Buchan, New York Times–bestselling author of Revenge of the Middle-Aged Woman“Enormously enjoyable.” —Newsday“Enough charm to entertain the most discerning fans.” —Kirkus Reviews
Practice Husband
by Judith McWilliamsWANTED: MARRIAGE-MINDED MENAddy Edson was looking for a husband, and she knew just the guy to help her with her search. But what she hadn't expected were the warm, sensuous "practice kisses" that her childhood friend Joe Barrington was bent on giving her-or the way they made her feel....Joe was more than happy to help Addy find a groom, especially since it meant the redheaded beauty would be practicing her sexy charms on him! But how could he convince her that a lifetime of happiness-and nighttimes of passion-could be found in his arms?
Practice Makes Perfect: A Novel
by Sarah AdamsA small-town sweetheart and an emotionally unavailable bad boy try to find some common ground in this chemistry-filled romance from the author of The Cheat Sheet and When in Rome.Annie Walker is on a quest to find her perfect match—someone who complements her happy, quiet life running the local flower shop in Rome, Kentucky. But finding her dream man may be harder than Annie imagined. Everyone knows everyone in her hometown, and the dating prospects are getting fewer by the day. After she overhears her latest date say she is &“so unbelievably boring,&” Annie starts to think the problem might be her. Is it too late to become flirtatious and fun like the leading ladies in her favorite romance movies? Maybe she only needs a little practice . . . and Annie has the perfect person in mind to be her tutor: Will Griffin.Will—the sexy , tattooed, and absolutely gorgeous bodyguard—is temporarily back in Rome, providing security for Amelia Rose as excitement builds for her upcoming marriage to Noah Walker, Annie&’s brother. He has one personal objective while on the job: stay away from Annie Walker and any other possible attachments to this sleepy town. But no sooner than he gets settled, Will finds himself tasked with helping Annie find the love of her life by becoming the next leading lady of Rome, Kentucky. Will wants no part in changing the sweet and lovely Annie. He knows for a fact that some stuffy, straitlaced guy won&’t make her happy, but he doesn&’t have the heart to say no.Amid steamy practice dates and strictly &“educational&” tutoring lessons, Annie discovers there are more layers to Will&’s usual stoic attitude. As the lines of their friendship become dangerously blurred, Annie reconsiders her dream guy. Maybe her love life doesn&’t need to be perfect—it just needs to be real.
Prada and Prejudice
by Mandy HubbardTo impress the popular girls on a high school trip to London, klutzy Callie buys real Prada heels. But trying them on, she trips?conks her head?and wakes up in the year 1815! There Callie meets Emily, who takes her in, mistaking her for a long-lost friend. As she spends time with Emily?s family, Callie warms to them?particularly to Emily?s cousin Alex, a hottie and a duke, if a tad arrogant. But can Callie save Emily from a dire engagement, and win Alex?s heart, before her time in the past is up? More Cabot than Ibbotson, Prada and Prejudice is a high-concept romantic comedy about finding friendship and love in the past in order to have happiness in the present. .
Prada and Prejudice
by Mandy HubbardTo impress the popular girls on a high school trip to London, klutzy Callie buys real Prada heels. But trying them on, she trips?conks her head?and wakes up in the year 1815! There Callie meets Emily, who takes her in, mistaking her for a long-lost friend. As she spends time with Emily?s family, Callie warms to them?particularly to Emily?s cousin Alex, a hottie and a duke, if a tad arrogant. But can Callie save Emily from a dire engagement, and win Alex?s heart, before her time in the past is up? More Cabot than Ibbotson, Prada and Prejudice is a high-concept romantic comedy about finding friendship and love in the past in order to have happiness in the present.
The Prairie Chicken Dance Tour
by Dawn DumontThe hilarious story of an unlikely group of Indigenous dancers who find themselves thrown together on a performance tour of Europe The Tour is all prepared. The Prairie Chicken dance troupe is all set for a fifteen-day trek through Europe, performing at festivals and cultural events. But then the performers all come down with the flu. And John Greyeyes, a retired cowboy who hasn't danced in fifteen years, finds himself abruptly thrust into the position of leading a hastily-assembled group of replacement dancers. A group of expert dancers they are not. There's a middle-aged woman with advanced arthritis, her nineteen-year-old niece who is far more interested in flirtations than pow-wow, and an enigmatic man from the U.S. -- all being chased by Nadine, the organizer of the original tour who is determined to be a part of the action, and the handsome man she picked up in a gas-station bathroom. They're all looking to John, who has never left the continent, to guide them through a world that he knows nothing about. As the gang makes its way from one stop to another, absolutely nothing goes as planned and the tour becomes a string of madcap adventures. The Prairie Chicken Dance Tour is loosely based -- like, hospital-gown loose -- on the true story of a group of Indigenous dancers who left Saskatchewan and toured through Europe in the 1970s. Dawn Dumont brings her signature razor-sharp wit and impeccable comedic timing to this hilarious, warm, and wildly entertaining novel.
Prairie Chicken Little
by Jackie Mims HopkinsWhen Mary McBlicken the prairie chicken hears a rumblin' and a grumblin', she sets off to warn her friends in this prairie-style twist on Chicken Little.Mary McBlicken is sure a stampede's a comin'! She hurries to the ranch, gathering up her friends—a prairie dog, a jack rabbit, and a meadowlark—along the way. Before the fine feathered and furry folks get to their destination, they encounter a coyote who says he knows a shortcut. Should they trust him? Will they find Cowboy Stan and Red Dog Dan in time? And where is that rumbling coming from anyway?Jackie Mims Hopkins brings readers a hilarious, prairie-style rendition of a well-loved tale. Henry Cole's energetic illustrations perfectly complement the hilarity and will have readers laughing out loud.
A Prairie Dog's Love Song (Dreamspinner Press Advent Calendar - Mended Ser.)
by Eli EastonBen Rivers always was a showman. He won awards in 4-H and rodeo competitions from the time he could walk, and he's happiest in the spotlight. So when he got the chance to be a star--in porn--he took it. He still loves Montana and everything about being a cowboy, but when news of his alternate identity leaks out, he figures he's lost the town's goodwill forever. Clyde's Corner would never accept an openly gay cowboy, even a hometown boy born and bred. Joshua Braintree always had the notion that he and his best friend's kid brother, Ben, would end up together. Ben's always been a diehard cowboy, just like him: they need the land and its freedom as much as they need air. So when Joshua learns Ben moved away from their small Montana town to be a porn star in Vegas, he can hardly believe it. He's determined to finally declare himself and bring Ben home. Despite his longtime crush on Joshua, Ben won't be as easy to tame as Joshua's "lost cause" horses. It will take a lot of heart and holiday spirit for Joshua to convince Ben that even old prairie dogs can learn new tricks in the name of love.A story from the Dreamspinner Press 2013 Advent Calendar package "Heartwarming".
Prairie Home Companion, A (movie tie-in)
by Garrison KeillorThe screenplay of the major motion pictureAmerica's most celebrated radio show is holding its very last broadcast unbeknownst to the fans filing in to watch it. Coinciding with the release of the film version, A Prairie Home Companion features a special eight-page photo insert from the movie as well as an interview between Garrison Keillor and Robert Altman, who once again showcases his unique style of wit and humour in this fantastic crowd-pleaser.
Prak Fills the House
by Donna L. WashingtonThis hilarious retelling of &“The Three Little Pigs&” stars a spirited pig as she outsmarts her older siblings in a friendly competition.Prak is a practical pig who is often overlooked by her two older brothers: Mo the muscly one, and Bo the beautiful one. So when Poppa Pig offers his house to whichever of his children can fill it to the brim, everyone assumes Mo or Bo will be up for the task. No one expects Prak to have the strength or charisma to fill a house. But with a lot of creativity and a bit of luck, Prak might just surprise them all!Charming and lighthearted illustrations by debut illustrator Lauren Emmons joyously accentuate this lively read-aloud from the acclaimed author of Boo Stew, Donna L. Washington. A warm and endearing choice to share with family.
Prank Day
by Kel MitchellFrom actor, producer, and comedian Kel Mitchell of Nickelodeon's All That and the film Good Burger, this laugh-aloud novel for kids follows Chase as he masterminds a series of epic pranks only to discover that they've all become real on April 2nd. When his tricks become reality in hilarious and disastrous ways, Chase must come clean. How will he set the world right again, catch the eye of his crush Zoe, and keep her from getting flattened by the refrigerator running all over town?This comedy-fantasy adventure is full of wackiness, mayhem, and laugh-out loud momentsteaches the value of taking responsibility for your actions and telling the truthblends realistic fiction with fantasyfeatures comic-style illustrations in every chaptercelebrates the value of friendship, family, and good teachers in your lifefeatures a diverse cast of characters Intended for kids and tweens 8 to 12 years old, this book is perfect forindependent young readers, boys and girlsfans of illustrated chapter book series like Diary of a Wimpy Kid, The Terrible Two, Middle School, and Locker 37fans of the popular Nickelodeon show All That This novel will keep middle graders entertained with its fast pace, fantastical chaos, and hilarious tricks. If you've ever dreamed of pranking the world with toilet clowns and spider drones, this book is for you.
The Prank of the Good Little Virgin of Via Ormea
by Amara LakhousA Turin journalist must investigate when a local girl is allegedly assaulted by two Romani boys in this farcical whodunit for fans of Alaa Al Aswany.Bittersweet, like any self-respecting Italian comedy, The Prank is a Pirandellian exploration of identity in today’s multicultural, polyglot societies. Lakhous draws inspiration from everyday reality, describing his approach to writing as “total literature,” a term he has adapted from soccer’s “total football.” He plays in attack, describing in this work the realities of an Italy of the future with colorful characters portrayed in limpid but lively prose.Praise for Amara Lakhous“French and British literatures have long been enriched by the biculturalism of authors like Tahar Ben Jelloun, Amin Maalouf, Gaitam Malkani, and Monica Ali. With talented new writers like Lakhous, Italy is closing the gap.” —New York Times“As a novelist of culture clash, Lakhous has the faculty to maintain colorful voices with the luxury of introducing political themes as instantiations of character.” —Bookforum
Prank University: The Ultimate Guide to College's Greatest Tradition
by John AustinBAD BEHAVIOR 101. Forget about Punk'd. Or any of those other stupid hidden camera shows. Executing the perfect prank is an art that demands deft craftsmanship and sly cunning. Whether you're talking about a good-natured practical joke between roommates or an elaborate hit against a nosy neighbor, nothing sends a message with satisfying elegance like a well-designed prank. But how can you, just some regular schmo, become an ultimate prankster? Welcome toPrank University! Here are 100 essential pranks--from classics such as Doorbell Drench and Silly-String Sleep to more modern operations like Quick Leg Shave, Wasabi Paste, and Plastic Forking (you'll have to look inside for that one, but trust us, it's good). Step-by-step instructions and ingenious diagrams make these diabolical schemes all too easy. An icon system denotes prank difficulty as well as the number of accomplices needed, costs involved (if any), and whether to film the event for posterity. Just remember to use this information judiciously . . . you never know when some young jokester (also armed with this book) might be coming after you. With Prank University, jackass class is in session!
Prank You Very Much: A Graphix Chapters Book (Squidding Around #3)
by Kevin SherryThis wonderfully silly young graphic novel from Graphix Chapters about fin-tastic friends is perfect for fans of The Bad Guys and Narwhal and Jelly!Get drawn into reading with Graphix Chapters!Graphix Chapters are ideal books for beginning and newly independent readers aged 6-8. With approachable page counts, easy-to-follow paneling, and artwork that supports text comprehension, these engaging stories with unforgettable characters help children become lifelong readers.It's time for Seaweed Elementary's annual talent show, but Squizzard can't decide on an act. He's too distracted by the fact that it's also prank week! And he has some fin-tastically silly pranks planned. But his friends have a few tricks up their sleeves, and soon the joke is on Squizzard. Can he survive the prank war, or will he lose his crown as the reigning class clown fish once and for all?
Pranklopedia: The Funniest, Grossest, Craziest, Not-Mean Pranks on the Planet!
by Julie WinterbottomPranklopedia is the young practical joker’s secret weapon, a boisterous collection of over 70 guaranteed-to-amuse (or annoy) pranks to be pulled on friends, siblings, and parents. Discover the Homework Hoax, the Squirting Blister, the Movie Popcorn That Grabs You Back. Pull classic pranks on your siblings, like short-sheeting the bed. Freak out your friends with food pranks: a self-peeling banana, “misfortune” cookies, or ice cream that will make them scream (here’s a hint—it involves instant mashed potatoes). And there are perfect pranks to pull on your parents, including a scheme to “freeze” the family computer. The book includes recipes for fake bird poop, fake dog poop, fake vomit, and fake snot (regular, nosebleed, and wormy varieties). A complete prankster’s guide, Pranklopedia also provides a four-part lesson on how to pull the perfect prank and tells you what to do when pranks go bad: 1. Disappear for a while . . .
Pratt a Manger: (Henry Pratt) (Henry Pratt #2)
by David NobbsWhen pretty young TV researcher Nicky Proctor visits Cafe Henry in London's Soho, Henry Pratt's life changes forever. He becomes an instant star of the TV food quiz, A Question of Salt and before long he is given his own series, Hooray, it's Henry. The book of the series reaches Number Two. He's a celebrity. Henry Ezra Pratt has come a long way from his humble beginnings.But, as usual in Henry's life, things begin to go wrong. He incurs the deep hatred of rival celebrity chef Bradley Tompkins, with his bad manners, bad wig and no Michelin stars. A war is waged against him, escalating into plots and deceptions which threaten to destroy the reputation and career of the man dubbed 'The People's Chef'. It must be Bradley behind all this - or must it? On the domestic front, too, there are storms ahead. Henry is blissfully happy in his second marriage to Hilary, but he is sorely tempted by young Nicky and his lovely co-star Sally. Can he resist? Can he become a real man at last? Or will success spoil Henry Pratt for good...?We last met Henry Pratt in The Cucumber Man. Pratt à Manger continues the hilarious story of a great British underdog.
Pratt Of The Argus: (Henry Pratt) (Henry Pratt #4)
by David NobbsHenry Pratt, back home from National Service, is a man at last. As eager to prove it as he is to please, he is in at the deep end in his chosen profession - cub reporter on the Thurmarsh Evening Argus.As trams and typewriters chatter to the echoes of Suez and Hungary, Henry finds himself in an exciting if bewildering world. His first scoop about a stolen colander is not quite as straightforward as he hopes.Misprints and chuckles abound as ever-hopeful Henry manages to fall foul both of typesetters and attractive women. And, in a profession not noted for kindness to the diffident, he is as prone to accident as practical jokes.Nothing ever goes quite right for Henry. So when the scoop of a lifetime finally comes his way it threatens to upset the family and complicate further his ever-hopeful love life.
Precocia: The Sixth Circle of Heck (Heck #6)
by Dale E. Basye Bob DobDale E. Basye sends Milton and Marlo to Precocia, the circle reserved for kids who grow up too fast, for their latest hilarious escapade in Heck.When Bea "Elsa" Bubb, the Principal of Darkness, tells Milton and Marlo Fauster they've gotten too big for their britches, she sends them to Precocia, the circle of Heck for smartypants kids who grow up too fast. There, the children learn adult jobs. William the Kid teaches bill collection. Mozart teaches commercial jingles. And all the students are forced to act, dress, and talk like little adults. Soon, the Fausters realize that Precocia's vice principals Napoleon and Cleopatra want more than to hasten adulthood--they seem to want to eliminate childhood altogether. Can Milton and Marlo figure out their plan in time to stop it?Heck is a school in the afterlife where bad kids go for all eternity, or until they turn eighteen, whichever comes first. As in Dante's Inferno, there are nine circles of Heck, based on kids' various vices.
A Predator's Rights: A Beastly Crimes Book (#2)
by Anna Starobinets Marie MuravskiFlush with success from having solved the case of the murdered Rabbit, crotchety detective Chief Badger and his impetuous young assistant, Badgercat, anticipate the return of peace and quiet to their community. But trouble recurs with a visit from Huntington Farm's bloodthirsty security team, who bring accusations of theft and harsh demands for justice. Guard dog Muxtar and hunting hound Polkan are searching for Chicken Four, a plucky little fowl who's just discovered what happens to her sister chickens when they disappear into Nina Palna's kitchen on Fridays. Now Badger and Badgercat have to persuade Palna to stop making chicken soup and to prevent Muxtar and Polkan from taking matters into their own paws (and jaws). Filled with quirky illustrations and newly translated from the original Russian, this is the second of the Beastly Crimes Books to come from this imaginative mystery series geared toward middle-grade readers. It's the perfect read for young detectives ... and all who oppose fowl play.
A Prefect's Uncle
by P. G. WodehouseThe novel takes place at the fictional "Beckford College," a private school for boys. The action begins with the arrival at the school of a mischievous young boy called Farnie, who turns out to be the uncle of the older "Bishop" Gethryn, a prefect, cricketer, and popular figure in the school. His arrival, along with that of another youngster who becomes a servant to Gethryn, leads to much excitement and scandal in the school, and the disruption of some important cricket matches.