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The Dallas Women's Guide to Gold-Digging with Pride
by Jennifer RossBarton's life has veered 180 degrees. A transplanted New Yorker now in a Lone Star state of mind, she's ditched her urban hipster look for the waxed, Botoxed, and blond glow of the Dallas women she now walks among and mingles with. Jenny's mission: to be in "tall cotton," which in Texan husband-hunting terms means sporting a major rock on your finger and seeing the prenup torn up before you walk down the aisle. But learning the local lingo is only the tip of the cactus for Jenny, who is used to picking men based on attraction and long-term compatibility, not net assets. No matter that in Dallas, a husband is "like a Hermès bag or a Chanel coat, a good investment that will mature over time. If he no longer fits, you can trade up to a more luxurious model." To Aimee, Jenny's pretty-as-a-beauty queen roommate (and an expert gold-digger), marrying for material worth is gospel-she's already successfully managed her first divorce and is on the lookout for husband number two. Jenny has laughed off Aimee's ideas on flirting and courting ("Never directly engage a man you're interested in"), but after catching her boyfriend cheating and listening to her mother's constant laments over her lack of grandchildren, Jenny reconsiders Aimee's businesslike approach to marriage: plan, strategize, conquer.Under Aimee's guidance, Jenny finds herself grocery shopping in stilettos, attending skeet shoots and rattlesnake hunts, and traversing the ultimate husband-hunting ground-a Baptist wedding. But in between secretly decoding her targets' e-mail passwords and breaking into potential mates' houses to figure out what their interests are, Jenny wonders if love ever enters into the deal.Welcome to Dallas, where the higher the hair the closer to God. Grab the steer by the horns and sharpen your nails, J. C. Conklin's hilariously funny debut novel will have you going Texas wild!
The Damned Busters
by Matthew HughesAfter accidentally summoning a demon, Chesney Anstruther refuses to sell his soul, which leads through various confusions to, well, Hell going on strike. Which means that nothing bad ever happens in the world... with disastrous consequences.File Under: Fantasy [ Expletives Deleted | Up Up And Away | Writer Of Life | No Demons ]From the Paperback edition.
The Damned Busters
by Matthew HughesAfter accidentally summoning a demon, Chesney Anstruther refuses to sell his soul, which leads through various confusions to, well, Hell going on strike. Which means that nothing bad ever happens in the world... with disastrous consequences.File Under: Fantasy [ Expletives Deleted | Up Up And Away | Writer Of Life | No Demons ]From the Paperback edition.
The Damned Busters (To Hell and Back #1)
by Matthew HughesAfter accidentally summoning a demon while playing poker, the normally mild-mannered Chesney Anstruther refuses to sell his soul... which leads through various confusions to, well, Hell going on strike. Which means that nothing bad ever happens in the world - and that actually turns out to be a really bad thing.There's only one thing for it. Satan offers Chesney the ultimate deal - sign the damned contract, and he can have his heart's desire. And thus the strangest superhero duo ever seen - in Hell or on Earth - is born! Book one of the To Hell & Back saga is a riotous fantasy from the acclaimed author of the Henghis Hapthorn stories.
The Dance of the Star Fairies (Thea Stilton #8)
by Thea StiltonThe Thea Sisters are on a magical adventure!The Thea Sisters' next adventure to the Kingdom of the Fairies!
The Danderfield Twins River Adventure
by Polly HorvathIt's a race against time to stop twins Deidre and Maisie from drifting away in their canoe.
The Dane of My Existence (A Bard's Rest Romance #2)
by Jessica MartinWhen the history and character of her Shakespeare-obsessed hometown is threatened, a powerhouse lawyer goes toe to toe with a commercial developer in a hilarious rom-com from the author of For the Love of the Bard.Portia Barnes is the youngest managing partner in her law firm&’s history, and she and her stilettos are poised to step into the role of her dreams—leading the firm&’s new Boston office. But first she&’s taking a summer sabbatical in her hometown of Bard&’s Rest, New Hampshire, where she discovers something&’s rotten in the midst of the town&’s annual Shakespeare festival.Hotshot commercial developer Benjamin Dane is sniffing around Bard&’s, and while Portia isn&’t necessarily a Shakespeare fanatic like the rest of her family, she&’s not about to let him bulldoze the town&’s beloved outdoor theater. Yet to Portia&’s dismay, Ben proves as skilled as she is when it comes to outworking, outmaneuvering, and one-upping the competition. While she&’s never hesitated to wage war against hyper-successful alpha males, Portia is caught off guard by Ben&’s openness and lack of arrogance. As her own long-constructed walls start to come down, Portia begins to wonder if he might be more than an archnemesis.With her heart on the line and the future of the town hanging in the balance, Portia faces an impossible decision—Ben or Bard&’s?—unless she finds a way to broker the merger of her life, and ensures the curtain falls on a happy ending for everyone.
The Danger of Desire: Dazzling Regency romance at its best! (Sinful Suitors #3)
by Sabrina JeffriesIf you love Julia Quinn's Bridgerton, you'll be enchanted by Sabrina Jeffries' Sinful Suitors!'Anyone who loves romance must read Sabrina Jeffries!' Lisa Kleypas, New York Times bestselling authorThe Danger of Desire is the third captivating book in the Sinful Suitors series by New York Times bestselling author Sabrina Jeffries. Sabrina's witty, sexy historicals will be loved by fans of Sarah MacLean, Eloisa James and Julia Quinn.To root out the card cheat responsible for her brother's death, Miss Delia Trevor spends her evenings at high society balls, and her late nights disguised as a young man gambling at London's gaming hells. When handsome Warren Corry, the Marquess of Knightford, a notorious member of St. George's Club, recognizes her and threatens to reveal her secret, she's determined to stop the enigmatic rakehell from ruining her plans.Warren refuses to watch Delia risk everything in a dangerous game to gain justice for her brother. But when she starts to delve beneath his carefully crafted façade, can he keep her at arm's length while still protecting her? Or will their hot desires explode into a love that transcends the secrets of their pasts?For more dazzlingly romantic and witty historical romance, don't miss Sabrina's other gorgeous series, including The Hellions of Halstead Hall, The School for Heiresses and The Royal Brotherhood.
The Dangerous Animals Club
by Stephen TobolowskyIf you ran into Stephen Tobolowsky on the street, you would not be mistaken: Yes, you've seen him before. A childhood dentist? A former geometry teacher? Your local florist? Tobolowsky is a character actor, one of the most prolific screen and stage presences of our time, having appeared in productions that range from Deadwood to Glee, from Mississippi Burning to Groundhog Day. But Stephen Tobolowsky, it turns out, is not just an actor; he is also a dazzlingly talented storyteller and writer. He has earned a devoted base of fans for his original stories, told in front of live audiences as well as in a popular podcast. Now, for the first time, he has assembled those stories here. The result is creative mitzvah, a work of art, and a narrative feat that combines biography and essay, ranging in tone from the hilarious to the introspective. To read these pages is to enter an astonishing world that, like all art, is universal yet individual, familiar yet disquieting. A dangerous world, indeed.
The Dangerous Book for Dogs
by Joe Garden Chris Pauls Anita Serwacki Scott Sherman Janet GinsburgA laugh-out-loud parody: An illustrated guide for--and by--dogs, unlocking the mysteries of doghood and teaching them how to do the very activities that human society says are wrong. The Dangerous Book for Dogs asks a simple question: isn't there more to being a dog than wearing a mini cashmere sweater and riding around in a $400 evening clutch? What about the simple pleasures of life -- feeling the wind in your fur, digging up the grass beneath your paws, smelling another dog's butt? Isn't that part of the great joy of being a dog? Written (with help) by dogs and for dogs, The Dangerous Book For Dogs provides insight on everything from the tastiest styles of shoes to chew to the proper method for terrorizing squirrels. It also contains portraits of noble dogs throughout history, the mysteries of cats and humans, and everything else your dog ever wanted to know but was afraid to ask-like how to make toys out of human's household items, or how to escape from a humiliating reindeer costume. Generously illustrated with drawings by cartoonist Emily Flake, this hilarious parody is for good dogs, bad dogs, and the millions of people who love them. Rex and Sparky wrote this parody without authorization (because they are dogs and they do what they want.)
The Dangerous Book for Dogs: A Parody
by Joe Garden Janet GinsburgA LAUGH-OUT-LOUD PARODY: AN lLLUSTRATED GUIDE FOR--AND BY--DOGS, UNLOCKING THE MYSTERIES OF DOGHOOD AND TEACHING THEM HOW TO DO THE VERY ACTIVITIES THAT HUMAN SOCIETY SAYS ARE WRONG.The Dangerous Book for Dogs asks a simple question: isn't there more to being a dog than wearing a mini cashmere sweater and riding around in a $400 evening clutch? What about the simple pleasures of life -- feeling the wind in your fur, digging up the grass beneath your paws, smelling another dog's butt? Isn't that part of the great joy of being a dog?Written (with help) by dogs and for dogs, The Dangerous Book For Dogs provides insight on everything from the tastiest styles of shoes to chew to the proper method for terrorizing squirrels. It also contains portraits of noble dogs throughout history, the mysteries of cats and humans, and everything else your dog ever wanted to know but was afraid to ask-like how to make toys out of human's household items, or how to escape from a humiliating reindeer costume.Generously illustrated with drawings by cartoonist Emily Flake, this hilarious parody is for good dogs, bad dogs, and the millions of people who love them.Rex and Sparky wrote this parody without authorization (because they are dogs and they do what they want.)From the Hardcover edition.
The Dangerous Book for Middle-Aged Men: A Manual for Managing Mid-Life Crisis
by David QuantickSo your husband/boyfriend/partner (delete as necessary) has just tipped over 35/40/45/50 (delete as necessary) and you can see that he's not quite as keen on Emmerdale as he once was. He's started to dress with his jeans hoiked too high like his hero Jeremy Clarkson and he's bought a home gym - the one recommended by George Clooney. Then there are those Harley Davison brochures delivered in brown envelopes. You've noticed he's started pulling in his beer gut when he's talks to his teenage secretary. And why have his grey sideburns turned that browny black? That's a sure sign of hair dye. And then you stumble into the bathroom in the morning and he's got his hands in a jar of your face cream. LADIES BEWARE!That dangerous age has arrived. It's the male menopause. The mid-life crisis. The time when suddenly you find your partner has put a whole Scalextrix track in your attic without you noticing. He's bought an electric guitar and insists on playing 'Smoke On The Water 'to the cat at all hours. It that time when no matter what you say they suddenly don't mind making a fools of themselves. They come home almost every week with a new enthusiasm. Dangerous Men don't just cook - they COOK. With truffles, that cost £210 for one the size of a wrinkled scrotum, and have to be from the right region of France. And they must be served with a side order of blowfish, because you saw that in a James Bond DVD that came free with the Mail on Sunday.
The Dare and the Doctor: Winner Takes All 3 (Winner Takes All)
by Kate NobleFrom Kate Noble, part of the sensational writing team behind The Lizzie Bennet Diaries, comes the third novel in a dazzling and superbly witty historical romance series that's part Trading Places, part Pride and Prejudice. Perfect for fans of Julia Quinn, Stephanie Laurens and Tessa Dare.The best of friends might be the perfect match . . . What's the worst that can happen?Margaret Babcock had always been content with her quiet life in the country. But with her late mother's words 'What's the worst that could happen?' ringing in her ears, she longs to spread her wings. So when her long-time correspondent Dr Rhys Gray invites her to London, she eagerly accepts.Many happy hours are spent touring the wonders of the city - purely as friends, of course. But would friends miss each other so fiercely when they're apart? Or feel such a spark together? And matters are complicated even further when it transpires that Rhys may be promised to another. Will their 'friendship' survive?Be dazzled by Kate Noble's previous Winner Takes All books: The Game and the Governess and The Lie and the Lady.
The Daring Exploits of a Runaway Heiress (Millworth Manor #5)
by Victoria AlexanderTo Do:Swim naked in the moonlightPlay in a high stakes card gameRide an elephantBe painted sans clothing. Take a lover. . .Lucy Merryweather has inherited a fortune--and her great-aunt's list of unfulfilled wishes. What better way to honor her memory than by accomplishing as many of them as possible? And with Lucy's family an ocean away in New York, nothing stands in her way--if one ignores the private investigator hired to spy on her. Yet Cameron Effington is infuriatingly difficult to ignore. . .As a reporter, Cameron is always looking for a good story. An American heiress running rampant between Millworth Manor and Mayfair is the perfect subject. Not to mention captivating. And extremely kissable. And if Lucy believes he's a detective? Well, the truth should never get in the way of a good story--or hinder delicious, impetuous passion. . .
The Dark Lord
by Jack HeckelIn this hilarious parody of epic fantasy, a young man travels into a dark and magical world, where dwarves, elves, and sorcerers dwell, to restore the balance between good and evilAfter spending years as an undercover, evil wizard in the enchanted world of Trelari, Avery hangs up the cloak he wore as the Dark Lord and returns to his studies at Mysterium University. On the day of his homecoming, Avery drunkenly confides in a beautiful stranger, telling her everything about his travels. When Avery awakens, hungover and confused, he discovers that his worst nightmare has come true: the mysterious girl has gone to Trelari to rule as a Dark Queen. Avery must travel back to the bewitched land and liberate the magical creatures . . . but in order to do so, he has to join forces with the very people who fought him as the Dark Lord.
The Dark Side of Stand-Up Comedy (Palgrave Studies in Comedy)
by Patrice A. Oppliger Eric ShouseThis book focuses on the “dark side” of stand-up comedy, initially inspired by speculations surrounding the death of comedian Robin Williams. Contributors, those who study humor as well as those who perform comedy, join together to contemplate the paradoxical relationship between tragedy and comedy and expose over-generalizations about comic performers’ troubled childhoods, addictions, and mental illnesses. The book is divided into two sections. First, scholars from a variety of disciplines explore comedians’ onstage performances, their offstage lives, and the relationship between the two. The second half of the book focuses on amateur and lesser-known professional comedians who reveal the struggles they face as they attempt to hone successful comedy acts and likable comic personae. The goal of this collection is to move beyond the hackneyed stereotype of the sad clown in order to reveal how stand-up comedy can transform both personal and collective tragedies by providing catharsis through humor.
The Dark Tourist: Sightseeing in the world's most unlikely holiday destinations
by Dom JolyEver since he can remember, Dom Joly has been fascinated by travel to odd places. In part this stems from a childhood spent in war-torn Lebanon, where instead of swapping marbles in the schoolyard, he had a shrapnel collection -- the schoolboy currency of Beirut. Dom's upbringing was interspersed with terrifying days and nights spent hunkered in the family basement under Syrian rocket attack or coming across a pile of severed heads from a sectarian execution in the pine forests near his home.These early experiences left Dom with a profound loathing for the sanitized experiences of the modern day travel industry and a taste for the darkest of places. In this brilliantly odd and hilariously told travel memoir, Dom Joly sets out on a quest to visit those destinations from which the average tourist would, and should, run a mile. The more insalubrious the place, the more interesting is the journey and so we follow Dom as he skis in Iran on segregated slopes, spends a weekend in Chernobyl, tours the assassination sites of America and becomes one of the few Westerners to be granted entry into North Korea. Eventually Dom journeys back to his roots in Beirut only to discover he was at school with Osama Bin Laden.Funny and frightening in equal measure, this is a uniquely bizarre and compelling travelogue from one of the most fearless and innovative comedians around.
The Dark Tourist: Sightseeing in the world's most unlikely holiday destinations
by Dom JolyEver since he can remember, Dom Joly has been fascinated by travel to odd places. In part this stems from a childhood spent in war-torn Lebanon, where instead of swapping marbles in the schoolyard, he had a shrapnel collection -- the schoolboy currency of Beirut. Dom's upbringing was interspersed with terrifying days and nights spent hunkered in the family basement under Syrian rocket attack or coming across a pile of severed heads from a sectarian execution in the pine forests near his home.These early experiences left Dom with a profound loathing for the sanitized experiences of the modern day travel industry and a taste for the darkest of places. In this brilliantly odd and hilariously told travel memoir, Dom Joly sets out on a quest to visit those destinations from which the average tourist would, and should, run a mile. The more insalubrious the place, the more interesting is the journey and so we follow Dom as he skis in Iran on segregated slopes, spends a weekend in Chernobyl, tours the assassination sites of America and becomes one of the few Westerners to be granted entry into North Korea. Eventually Dom journeys back to his roots in Beirut only to discover he was at school with Osama Bin Laden.Funny and frightening in equal measure, this is a uniquely bizarre and compelling travelogue from one of the most fearless and innovative comedians around.
The Dark Tourist: Sightseeing in the world's most unlikely holiday destinations
by Dom JolyEver since he can remember, Dom Joly has been fascinated by travel to odd places. In part this stems from a childhood spent in war-torn Lebanon, where instead of swapping marbles in the schoolyard, he had a shrapnel collection -- the schoolboy currency of Beirut. Dom's upbringing was interspersed with terrifying days and nights spent hunkered in the family basement under Syrian rocket attack or coming across a pile of severed heads from a sectarian execution in the pine forests near his home.These early experiences left Dom with a profound loathing for the sanitized experiences of the modern day travel industry and a taste for the darkest of places. In this brilliantly odd and hilariously told travel memoir, Dom Joly sets out on a quest to visit those destinations from which the average tourist would, and should, run a mile. The more insalubrious the place, the more interesting is the journey and so we follow Dom as he skis in Iran on segregated slopes, spends a weekend in Chernobyl, tours the assassination sites of America and becomes one of the few Westerners to be granted entry into North Korea. Eventually Dom journeys back to his roots in Beirut only to discover he was at school with Osama Bin Laden.Funny and frightening in equal measure, this is a uniquely bizarre and compelling travelogue from one of the most fearless and innovative comedians around.
The Darker Lord (The Mysterium Series #2)
by Jack HeckelThe second novel of Jack Heckel’s Mysterium series, The Darker Lord follows beleaguered former Dark Lord Avery Stewart as he is forced to take up his cloak and his Imp once again and travel the doors between realms in order to keep the fabric of the universe intact. More or less intact, anyway.In The Dark Lord, Avery had an epiphany about the Mysterium. Only now he can’t remember what it was, no matter how much coffee he drinks or how many times he reads the novel published from his notes. What he does know is that he has become the most famous mage in the multiverse, and no one is happy with him. His fellow mages are upset at his rapid promotion, Dawn and Eldrin are tired of him spending his days on their couch watching bad TV, and Harold the Imp won’t talk to him.Luckily, things can always get worse. And they do when the Administration’s enforcer, Moregoth, arrives at the first lecture of the semester to apprehend two of Avery’s new students for undoubtedly sinister reasons. In a fit of foolishness and heroism, Avery defies the university and flees with his friends into subworld. There, he reunites with his former allies from Trelari and thus begins a frantic race through the multiverse to escape Moregoth. But as Avery’s amnesia begins to fade, he realizes his loss of memory is no accident, that he is caught in a conspiracy as terrifying as Mysterium University’s Student Records Building—and that his friends might not all be on his side.
The Darkest Lord (The Mysterium Series #3)
by Jack HeckelIn the epic conclusion to Jack Heckel’s whimsical fantasy series, Dark Lord Avery Stewart must join the Company of the Fellowship in a frenzied war against Moregoth and the corrupt forces of Mysterium. . . and destroy the magical artifact fueling the interworld chaosIn The Darker Lord, Avery Stewart learned a terrible truth about Mysterium: the home of his beloved university and the reality-center of the multiverse is not the world he thought it was. The true Mysterians, innately endowed with the power to manipulate reality, were displaced eons ago by the subworlders with whom they shared their magical teachings, and written out of the reality pattern of their own world. For years they have lived in exile in the subworld of Trelari, shielded from the Mysterian pursuit led by Moregoth and the Sealers. That is, until Valdara, the warrior queen of Trelari, reopened the subworld to the rest of the multiverse and challenged the Mysterium to a final showdown.One year later, a violent war of worlds drags on, and Avery can’t help feeling that all of this is his fault.But the good news (if you can call it that) is that Avery might hold the key—literally, a key—to ending the suffering and saving Trelari. For Avery possesses the Reality Key, a magical artifact with the power to bend reality to one’s will, often to the immediate detriment of entire worlds. . . and, if it falls into the hands of the Mysterian forces, much more. To protect his friends, save Trelari, and bring order to Mysterium, Avery will need to do the unthinkable: travel to the heart of Mysterium, destroy the Key, and rewrite Mysterium’s reality pattern to restore balance to the multiverse, once and for all.
The Darling Buds of May: A Comedy (The Pop Larkin Chronicles #1)
by H. E. BatesThe rich spirit of an English junk dealer and his family is challenged by the arrival of the tax collector in this humorous and heartwarming classic. Beneath the sunny, cloudless skies of Kent, the Larkin household—Pop, Ma, and their six children—enjoy the simple pleasures of life. Pop works as a junk dealer and keeps the farm to feed his brood, while Ma cooks the meals and minds the children. While the family may not seem to have much, they more than make up for it in joyous spirit—and bountiful feasts. All of that could change, however, when a stranger appears on their farm. Cedric Charlton from Inland Revenue has come to inquire why the Larkins failed to file income tax for the previous year. But Charlton&’s plans hit a snag when the eldest Larkin daughter, Mariette, takes a liking to him—and he to her. Now, if the Larkins and country living can charm Charlton, perhaps he will forget about every last pound they owe . . . &“A pulsing comedy of country manners. A five-alarm blaze of a book. Just about perfick.&” —Time &“A gently, anarchic, wish-fulfilling daydream.&” —The Times (London)
The Darwin Awards 4
by Wendy NorthcuttAll new tales from the shallow end of the gene pool Named in honour of Charles Darwin, the father of evolution, The Darwin Awards pays homage to those who improve our gene pool . . . by removing themselves from it. Most of us know instinctively that igniting a blasting cap in our mouth is a recipe for disaster. Darwin Award winners do not. Most of us have basic sound judgement that eliminates the need for NO SMOKING signs at ammo dumps. Darwin Award winners do not. Whether it's thallium-snorting soldiers, head-butting motorcyclists, or hatchet-wielding men who mistake a body part for a chicken neck, there's no shortage of creative Darwin Award winners. Filled with 150 original tales of evolution in action, science essays by guest writers, and a spoof research paper supporting Intelligent Design, The Darwin Awards IV demonstrates that when it comes to common sense, natural selection still has a long way to go.
The Darwin Awards Countdown to Extinction
by Wendy NorthcuttThe newest installment of the human race's most "devastatingly" popular humor series. The Darwin Awards are more than just a brand. They're a pop culture phenomenon. With six books and a website that draws in more than a million unique visitors every month, the Darwin Awards rivals The Onion and The Simpsons as one of the biggest humor franchises in the world. Fully illustrated and featuring all-new tales of the marvelously macabre, The Darwin Awards Countdown to Extinction chronicles the astonishing acts of individuals who have taken a swan dive into the shallow end of the gene pool. From attaching a five-horsepower engine to a barstool, to hammering a metal hook into an explosive device, to using a taser to treat a snake bite, these gloriously gruesome incidents prove that the countdown (to human extinction) is well under way. And we won't exit this mortal coil without one last laugh. .
The Darwin Awards II: Unnatural Selection
by Wendy Northcutt'Only two things are infinite - the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the universe. ' Albert Einstein, Scientific adviser to the Darwin Awards One of the best-known and most frequently visited web sites is the Darwin Awards web site. Practically everyone who is on the net has received a Darwin story in their e-mail at one time or another. It is one of those legendary sites, which has become part of the fabric of being on-line. This is the sequel to the bestselling Darwin Awards and elaborates on the universal themes of death and stupidity. These stories are about the people for whom warnings such as 'coffee is hot' and 'this superman cape does not enable the wearer to fly' were made. This new book includes over 100 brand-new award-winners, honourable mentions, (debunked) urban legends, the return of some all-time favourites as well as some science and safety tips for readers on how to avoid the scythe of natural selection. This, the newest collection of magnificent misadventures, appeals to the market who continue to make The Darwin Awards a continual best-selling phenomenon, is the must-have humour title for the next holiday season and beyond.