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Barking
by Tom Holt'Tom Holt may be the most imaginative satirist to land on our shores since Douglas Adams' - Christopher Moore'Holt has a zany humor that will appeal to fans of Terry Pratchett and Christopher Moore.' - Library JournalMonsters are roaming the streets of London. Of course, some monsters are scarier than others:Unicorns? No bother.Vampires? Big deal.Werewolves? Ho hum.Lawyers? ... Aaargh!Duncan's boss doesn't think that he's cut out to be a lawyer. He isn't a pack animal. He lacks the killer instinct. But when his best friend from school barges his way back into Duncan's life, with a full supporting cast of lawyers, ex-wives, zombies and snow-white unicorns, it's not long before things become distinctly unsettling. Hairy, even.Tom Holt's latest comic novel is a rollercoaster ride of supernatural silliness and biting satire.Books by Tom Holt: Walled Orchard Series Goatsong The Walled Orchard J.W. Wells & Co. Series The Portable Door In Your Dreams Earth, Air, Fire and Custard You Don't Have to Be Evil to Work Here, But It Helps The Better Mousetrap May Contain Traces of Magic Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Sausages YouSpace Series Doughnut When It's A Jar The Outsorcerer's Apprentice The Good, the Bad and the Smug Novels Expecting Someone Taller Who's Afraid of Beowulf Flying Dutch Ye Gods! Overtime Here Comes the Sun Grailblazers Faust Among Equals Odds and Gods Djinn Rummy My Hero Paint your Dragon Open Sesame Wish you Were Here Alexander at World's End Only Human Snow White and the Seven Samurai Olympiad Valhalla Nothing But Blue Skies Falling SidewaysLittle PeopleSong for NeroMeadowlandBarkingBlonde BombshellThe Management Style of the Supreme BeingsAn Orc on the Wild Side
Barking
by Tom Holt'Tom Holt may be the most imaginative satirist to land on our shores since Douglas Adams' - Christopher Moore'Holt has a zany humor that will appeal to fans of Terry Pratchett and Christopher Moore.' - Library JournalMonsters are roaming the streets of London. Of course, some monsters are scarier than others:Unicorns? No bother.Vampires? Big deal.Werewolves? Ho hum.Lawyers? ... Aaargh!Duncan's boss doesn't think that he's cut out to be a lawyer. He isn't a pack animal. He lacks the killer instinct. But when his best friend from school barges his way back into Duncan's life, with a full supporting cast of lawyers, ex-wives, zombies and snow-white unicorns, it's not long before things become distinctly unsettling. Hairy, even.Tom Holt's latest comic novel is a rollercoaster ride of supernatural silliness and biting satire.Books by Tom Holt:Walled Orchard SeriesGoatsongThe Walled OrchardJ.W. Wells & Co. SeriesThe Portable DoorIn Your DreamsEarth, Air, Fire and CustardYou Don't Have to Be Evil to Work Here, But It HelpsThe Better MousetrapMay Contain Traces of MagicLife, Liberty and the Pursuit of SausagesYouSpace SeriesDoughnutWhen It's A JarThe Outsorcerer's ApprenticeThe Good, the Bad and the SmugNovelsExpecting Someone TallerWho's Afraid of BeowulfFlying DutchYe Gods!OvertimeHere Comes the SunGrailblazersFaust Among EqualsOdds and GodsDjinn RummyMy HeroPaint your DragonOpen SesameWish you Were HereAlexander at World's EndOnly HumanSnow White and the Seven SamuraiOlympiadValhallaNothing But Blue SkiesFalling SidewaysLittle PeopleSong for NeroMeadowlandBarkingBlonde BombshellThe Management Style of the Supreme BeingsAn Orc on the Wild Side
Barkis
by Crockett JohnsonA book of cartoons giving some precise and speculative interpretations of the meaning of a dog's bark at certain times and in certain circumstances. All images described.
Barkus: Book 1 (Barkus #1)
by Patricia Maclachlan Marc BoutavantMeet Barkus. Barkus is loyal. Barkus is generous. Barkus is family.The exuberant Barkus and his lucky young owner whirl and twirl across the pages of this delightful pre-chapter book series from award-winning author Patricia MacLachlan. The accessible text is ideal for even the newest independent reader, while the warm, humorous story and energetic illustrations will appeal to picture book readers as well as advanced readers.
Barkus Dog Dreams: Book 2 (Barkus #2)
by Patricia MacLachlanBarkus is back! With new tricks. New friends. And lots more fun. The lovable Barkus and his lucky young owner romp through the pages of this delightful series from Newbery Medal–winning author Patricia MacLachlan. The simple text told in short chapters is just right for children ready to take their first steps toward reading on their own.
Barnabas Collins in a Funny Vein
by Dan Curtis Productions Inc.Dig the groovy new humor craze that's sweeping the country--inspired by TV's cool ghoul, Barnabas Collins--America's favorite pain in the neck! * Why did Barnabas accept the part in DARK SHADOWS? Because they said he could drink on the job. * Why did Barnabas become a vampire? He failed his blood test. * How does Barnabas open the door to his house? He uses a skeleton key. * Why does Barnabas like to bite airplane pilots? He says they make him high. * Why does Barnabas use make-up when he goes on TV? * These are among the hundreds of jokes about Barnabas Collins the popular and very troubled vampire in the mid 20th century soap opera Dark Shadows. Barnabas played a huge part in popularizing fiction about vampires. If you enjoy gothic stories featuring vampires, witches, werewolves and more, look for the Many Dark Shadows books by Marilyn Ross in the Bookshare library. You will also find additional Dark Shadows fiction and books about the making of the show with background about its stars.
Barnacle Is Bored
by Jonathan FenskeBarnacle is bored. Bored. Bored. Bored.Barnacle is stuck on the underside of a pier, wishing he had something to do. Every day is exactly the same. The tide comes in and Barnacle gets wet. The tide goes out and Barnacle dries off. Boring! Barnacle wants something EXCITING to happen. Then a colorful fish swims by. Barnacle bets the fish doesn't have a boring life. In the end, it turns out exciting isn't always better. . .
Barney's Version
by Mordecai RichlerCharged with comic energy and a steely disregard for any pieties whatsoever, Barney's Version is a major Richler novel, the most personal and feeling book of a long and distinguished career.Told in the first person, it gives us the life (and what a life!) of Barney Panofsky--whose trashy TV company, Totally Useless Productions, has made him a small fortune; whose three wives include a martyred feminist icon, a quintessential JCP (Jewish-Canadian Princess), and the incomparable Miriam, the perfect wife, lover, and mother--alas, now married to another man; who recalls with nostalgia and pain his young manhood in the Paris of the early fifties, and his lifelong passion for wine, women, and the Montreal Canadiens; who either did or didn't murder his best friend, Boogie, after discovering him in bed with The Second Mrs. Panofsky; whose satirical eye for the idiocies of today's Quebec separatists (as well as for every other kind of political correctness) manages to offend his entire acquaintanceship (and will soon be offending readers everywhere); and whose memory--though not his bile--is, in his sixty-seventh year, definitely slipping . . .From the Hardcover edition.
Barnyard Hullabaloo (Early Reader)
by Francesca SimonEarly Readers are stepping stones from picture books to reading books. A blue Early Reader is perfect for sharing and reading together. A red Early Reader is the next step on your reading journey.Naughty Fox is on the prowl again, and the animals of Potter's Barn must come up with a plan to get rid of him once and for all. It's time to create a Barnyard Hullabaloo!
Barnyard Hullabaloo (Early Reader Ser.)
by Francesca Simon Emily BolamEarly Readers are stepping stones from picture books to reading books. A blue Early Reader is perfect for sharing and reading together. A red Early Reader is the next step on your reading journey.Naughty Fox is on the prowl again, and the animals of Potter's Barn must come up with a plan to get rid of him once and for all. It's time to create a Barnyard Hullabaloo!
Barrel Fever: Stories and Essays
by David SedarisIn David Sedaris' world, no one is safe and no cow is sacred. A manic cross between Mark Leyner, Fran Lebowitz, and the National Enquirer, Sedaris' collection of essays is a rollicking tour through the national Zeitgeist: a do-it-yourself suburban dad saves money by performing home surgery; a man who is loved too much flees the heavyweight champion of the world; a teenage suicide tries to incite a lynch mob at her funeral; a bitter Santa abuses the elves. David Sedaris made his debut on NPR's Morning Edition with "SantaLand Diaries", recounting his strange-but-true experiences as an elf at Macy's, and soon became one of the show's most popular commentators. With a perfect eye and a voice infused with as much empathy as wit, Sedaris writes stories and essays that target the soulful ridiculousness of our behavior. Barrel Feveris like a blind date with modern life, and anything can happen.
Barrel Fever: Stories And Essays
by David SedarisIn David Sedaris's world, no one is safe and no cow is sacred. A manic cross between Mark Leyner, Fran Lebowitz and the National Enquirer, Sedaris's collection of stories and essays is a rollicking tour through the American Zeitgeist: a man who is loved too much flees the heavyweight champion of the world; a teenage suicide tried to incite a lynch mob at her funeral; and in his essays, David Sedaris considers the hazards of rewards of smoking, writing for Giantess magazine, and living with his scrappy brother Paul, aka 'The Rooster'.With a perfect eye and a voice infused with as much empathy as wit, Sedaris writes and reads stories and essays that target the soulful ridiculousness of our behaviour. Barrel Fever is like a blind date with modern life - and anything can happen.
Barrel Fever
by David SedarisIn David Sedaris's world, no one is safe and no cow is sacred. A manic cross between Mark Leyner, Fran Lebowitz and the National Enquirer, Sedaris's collection of stories and essays is a rollicking tour through the American Zeitgeist: a man who is loved too much flees the heavyweight champion of the world; a teenage suicide tried to incite a lynch mob at her funeral; and in his essays, David Sedaris considers the hazards of rewards of smoking, writing for Giantess magazine, and living with his scrappy brother Paul, aka 'The Rooster'.With a perfect eye and a voice infused with as much empathy as wit, Sedaris writes and reads stories and essays that target the soulful ridiculousness of our behaviour. Barrel Fever is like a blind date with modern life - and anything can happen.
Barry: The Fish With Fingers
by Sue HendraLife under the sea can be as dull as dishwater, until Barry arrives, that is. See, Barry is no ordinary fish-he's a fish withfingers! And fingers mean finger puppets, finger painting, knitting, counting to ten, tickling, and all sorts of fun things. It isn't long before all of the other fish want fingers, too. Life under the sea will never be the same again. . . . Sue Hendra's hilarious text and bright, bold, colorful art will have youngsters begging to read this story again and again. Fro...
Barry, Boyhound
by Andy SpearmanThis is the story of a boy named Barry. Some stuff happens, and overnight like magic he turns into a boyhound. Not a hound, but a boyhound–which means while he may still look like a boy, he is, in fact, a dog. And even in his boyhound brain, Barry knows there are lots of advantages to being a dog. You don’t have to clean your room or use dental floss, for example. But things get crazy. He eats something too disgusting to mention. He’s attacked by telepathic squirrels. An innocent squashed frog becomes involved. Plus, his mother’s getting pretty mad. And that’s all before the really bad thing happens. . . .
Barry Squires, Full Tilt
by Heather SmithBarry Squires, Full Tilt takes readers on a romp through the streets of St. John's and into the Squires household, a place where tragedy strikes but love prevails. Derry Girls meets Billy Elliot with an East coast twist.It's 1995. When the Full Tilt Dancers give an inspiring performance at the opening of the new bingo hall, twelve-year-old Finbar (Barry) Squires wants desperately to join the troupe. Led by Father O'Flaherty, the Full Tilt Irish Step Dancers are the most sought-after act in St. John's, Newfoundland (closely followed by popular bagpiper, Alfie Bragg and his Agony Bag). Having watched Riverdance twice, Barry figures he'll nail the audition. And good thing too -- it'd be nice to be known for something other than the port wine stain on his cheek. With questionable talent and an unpredictable temper, Barry's journey to stardom is jeopardized by his parents' refusal to take his dreams seriously. Thankfully, Barry has the support of a lively cast of characters: his ever-present grandmother, Nanny Squires; his adorable baby brother, Gord; an old British rocker named Uneven Steven; a group of geriatrics from the One Step Closer to God Nursing Home; and Saibal, a friend with whom Barry gets up to no good. Told with humor and a healthy dose of irreverence, Barry Squires, Full Tilt is the latest novel by Heather Smith, the award-winning author of The Agony of Bun O&’Keefe and Chicken Girl.
Barry Trotter and the Unauthorized Parody
by Michael GerberWARNING: THIS ISN'T THE REAL THING. . . IT'S FUNNIER! "Stop that movie," Headmaster Alpo Bumblemore said, "or Hogwash is history!" Already overrun by brawling, fetid fans of the bestselling Barry Trotter books, Hogwash is certain to be pulled down brick by brick after Barry's new big-budget biopic debuts. So Barry Trotter, Ermine Cringer, and Lon Measly are hauled out of retirement to face their toughest challenge yet.
Barry Trotter and the Unauthorized Parody (Barry Trotter, #1)
by Michael E. GerberBarry Trotter is 22 and the only student in Hogwash history ever to be held back 5 times. From a Quiddit accident, pleasant, playful, loyal, Lon has a hole through his head, an IQ of 62 and exhibits many doggie behaviors. Ermine teaches at St. Hilary's Academy for the Marginally-Magical and is more than a flirt. Together they go on a quest to New York and Hollywood to stop the filming of the first Barry Trotter blockbuster film the very publicity for which has caused Hogwash School to be overrun buy rude, unkempt, insane fans. Ferd and Jorge Measly join them and bad goes to worse. There are new magic potions, Boarsbollocks' Brew, and abilities, pretzeltongues who can lick their own eyeballs. The friends must make their way through putrid smells, foul fluids, and bathroom humor. Nothing is safe from Star Wars to Buddhism. And of course, Lord Valumart lurks where he is least suspected to corrupt Harry who is wrestling with the new information that he is to be killed off in the next novel because who wants to read, Barry Trotter and the Difficult Tax Return? Readers who enjoy humor that ranges from clever to crude and aren't Harry Potter purists, will find this parody to be packed with laughs. Don't miss the humor from the copyright page at the beginning of the book, to the I Hate You letter at the end where readers are given a series of check lists to register their objections.
Bartaldi's Bride (Wedlocked!)
by Sara CravenClare usually ran a mile from powerful, sensual men like Guido Bartaldi. Only, she’d agreed to live under Guido’s roof as companion to his wayward ward, the young woman clearly destined to become Guido’s wife…Horrified at Guido’s marriage plans, Clare soon decided to leave—and found herself all by captive in Guido’s palatial villa. Then she realized it was she who’d been chosen as Bartaldi’s bride!
Bartholomew and the Oobleck
by Dr SeussAn ooey-gooey, green oobleck was not exactly what the king had in mind when he ordered something extra-special from his royal magicians.
Bartolomé y el glúpiti (Classic Seuss)
by Dr. SeussEdición en español del álbum ilustrado de Dr. Seuss, ganador de la Mención de Honor Caldecott, que trata el tema de hacernos responsables de nuestros propios actos y de ser capaces de decir «¡lo siento!». En este divertido álbum ilustrado, el joven paje Bartolomé Cubbins (protagonista de Los 500 sombreros de Bartolomé Cubbins) le da una lección de buen comportamiento al viejo rey Derwin. Aburrido de la lluvia, el sol, la niebla y la nieve, Derwin ordena a sus magos crear algo «nuevo» que caiga del cielo. ¡Lo que obtiene es un aguacero de una sustancia verde y pegajosa llamada glúpiti, que amenaza con destruir todo su reino! Pero con la ayuda del sabio Bartolomé, el Rey (y los lectores) aprenden que, a veces, las palabras más sencillas pueden resolver los mayores problemas.Las ediciones rimadas y en español de los clásicos de Dr. Seuss publicadas por Random House brindan la maravillosa oportunidad de disfrutar de sus historias a más de treinta y ocho millones de personas hispanohablantes en Estados Unidos. Los lectores podrán divertirse con las ediciones en español de The Cat in the Hat (El Gato Ensombrerado); Green Eggs and Ham (Huevos verdes con jamón); One Fish Two Fish Red Fish Blue Fish (Un pez, dos peces, pez rojo, pez azul); The Lorax (El Lórax); Oh, the Places You'll Go! (¡Oh, cuán lejos llegarás!); How the Grinch Stole Christmas! (¡Cómo el Grinch robó la Navidad!), y Horton Hears a Who! (¡Horton escucha a Quién!). Ideal tanto para leer en casa como en la escuela, estos libros han sido meticulosamente traducidos, respetando la rima, por autores y traductores latinoamericanos, y supervisados por Teresa Mlawer, reconocida y galardonada traductora durante más de cincuenta años.A Spanish edition of Dr. Seuss's Caldecott-Honor winning picture book about taking responsibility and saying you're sorry!In this hilarious picture book featuring unrhymed verse, young page boy Bartholomew Cubbins (star of Dr. Seuss's The 500 Hats of Bartholomew Cubbins) teaches old King Derwin a lesson in good behavior. Bored with rain, sun, fog, and snow, Derwin orders his royal magicians to create something "new" to fall down from the sky. What he gets is a downpour of sticky green goo called Oobleck, which soon threatens to wreck his entire kingdom! But with the assistance of wise Bartholomew, the king (along with young readers) learns that the simplest words can sometimes solve the biggest problems.Random House's rhymed Spanish-language editions of classic Dr. Seuss books make the joyful experience of reading Dr. Seuss books available for the more than 38 million people in the United States who speak Spanish. Readers can enjoy over 30 different classic Dr. Seuss titles including The Cat in the Hat (El Gato Ensombrerado); Green Eggs and Ham (Huevos verdes con jamón); One Fish Two Fish Red Fish Blue Fish (Un pez dos peces pez rojo pez azul); The Lorax (El Lórax); Oh, the Places You'll Go! (¡Oh, cuán lejos llegarás!); How the Grinch Stole Christmas! (¡Cómo el Grinch robó la Navidad!); and Horton Hears a Who! (¡Horton escucha a Quién!). Perfect for home and classroom use, they are meticulously translated in rhyme by native Latin American Spanish speakers overseen by award-winning translator Teresa Mlawer.
Baseball, Boys, and Bad Words: A True Story of Little League, Laughter, and Life
by Andy AndrewsBaseball, Boys, and Bad Words reveals the hilarity and magic of Little League baseball.Often called “the funniest tale ever told,” this story will have you laughing until you cry, while warming your soul, reminding you of childhood and a simpler time.In 1970, eleven-year-old Andy Andrews and a group of friends began a Little League season they would never forget. All the usual ingredients were there—well-worn gloves, freshly cut grass, and new uniforms. But the addition of a coach who was “new to the area” is what made this season truly unforgettable for young Andy.Baseball fans and both current and former Little Leaguers will love the funny story, the age-old baseball wisdom quoted from some of the game’s greatest players, and the vintage baseball photography.
Baseball Card Vandals: Over 200 Decent Jokes on Worthless Cards!
by Beau Abbott Bryan AbbottThe true story and bizarrely brilliant art of the creative duo Mashable called "the Rembrandt and Picasso of vandalized baseball cards." Every day since 2012, brothers Beau and Bryan Abbott have drawn crude jokes on their old trading cards from the '80s and '90s and posted them on Tumblr, Twitter, and Instagram as Baseball Card Vandals. Now the fruits of this completely unnecessary labor have been collected in this stunningly absurd book. Inside you'll find a collection of over 200 "expertly" vandalized cards—including dozens of never-before-seen artworks—that blend the Vandals' signature oddball humor and artistic flair with a charming dose of sports nostalgia. Featuring an introduction on the Baseball Card Vandals history and process as well as a beautiful design inspired by vintage baseball cards, this book will be a hit with sports fans, art lovers, memorabilia collectors, pop culture watchers, Internet geeks, comedy connoisseurs, and permanent marker sniffers everywhere.
Baseball Jokes and Riddles: More than 50 to tickle your funny bone!
by Matt Christopher Daniel VasconcellosA collection of wacky jokes, riddles, puns, and anecdotes about America's favorite pastime is gathered by a favorite young sports fiction writer and is guaranteed to liven up locker rooms and baseball diamonds alike.
Baseball Shorts: 1,000 of the Game's Funniest One-Liners
by Glenn Liebman"The secret of managing a club is to keep the five guys who hate you from the five who are undecided." -- Casey Stengel "Do they leave it there during games?" -- Bill Lee, upon first seeing the Green Monster, Fenway Park's 37-foot high left-field wall "The cops picked me up on the streets at 3:00 am and fined me $500 for being drunk and $100 for being with the Phillies." -- Bob Uecker "Well, she's already had so much experience grabbing herself, she should be great." -- Jay Leno, on Madonna appearing in the movie A League of Their Own "I pitch like my hair's on fire." -- Mitch Williams