- Table View
- List View
The History of the World According to Facebook
by Wylie OverstreetThe Sun is now friends with Earth and 7 other planetsPluto: Not cool.What if Facebook had emerged with the Big Bang, and every historical event took place online? Imagine how we’d we see history if . . .On April 15, 1865, Abraham Lincoln updated his status: "Taking the missus to the theater"God and Stephen Hawking trolled each other in a comment war over the creation of the universe?Alexander the Great "checked into" all the countries he conqueredDonald Trump and Vladimir Putin "Liked" each other's cryptic statusesIrreverent and clever, The History of the World According to Facebook goes back through time, from the beginning of the world to the present, to cover all the major events and eras of human history, such as the Renaissance, the Industrial Revolution, and the Information Age. Filled with hundreds of actual figures from across the centuries and thousands of invented statuses, comments, and actions lampooning Facebook users’ penchant for oversharing, abbreviation, self-importance, and lazy jargon, The History of the World According to Facebook defies all attempts at taking the multi-billion user social media platform SRSLY. It is the funniest parody of history and the dawn of man since, well, the dawn of man.
The History of the World According to Facebook, Revised Edition
by Wylie OverstreetA revised and expanded edition of the bestselling parody that includes thirty-pages of new text, photos, and contemporary subjects—a clever and fresh historical chronicle.The Sun is now friends with Earth and 7 other planetsPluto: Not cool.What if Facebook had emerged with the Big Bang, and every historical event took place online? Imagine how we’d we see history if . . .On April 15, 1865, Abraham Lincoln updated his status: "Taking the missus to the theater"God and Stephen Hawking trolled each other in a comment war over the creation of the universe?Alexander the Great "checked into" all the countries he conqueredDonald Trump and Vladimir Putin "Liked" each other's cryptic statusesIrreverent and clever, The History of the World According to Facebook goes back through time, from the beginning of the world to the present, to cover all the major events and eras of human history, such as the Renaissance, the Industrial Revolution, and the Information Age. Wylie Overstreet brings the book up to date with three-dozen pages of additional material on contemporary figures and topics, from Caitlin Jenner to Deflategate to MAGA and Trump.Filled with hundreds of actual figures from across the centuries and thousands of invented statuses, comments, and actions lampooning Facebook users’ penchant for oversharing, abbreviation, self-importance, and lazy jargon, The History of the World According to Facebook defies all attempts at taking the multi-billion user social media platform SRSLY. It is the funniest parody of history and the dawn of man since, well, the dawn of man.
The History of the World in Fifty Dogs
by Mackenzi LeeIllustrated stories about dogs that knew how to sit, stay, and witness history—from the loyal Greyfriars Bobby to Lizzie Borden’s Boston Terriers. Most dog lovers know Fido and Laika, but how about Martha, Paul McCartney’s Old English Sheepdog? Or Peritas, Alexander the Great’s trusted canine companion? As long as there have been humans, those humans have had beloved companions—their dogs. From the ancient Egyptians mummifying their pups, to the Indian legend of the king who refused to enter the afterlife unless his dog was allowed there too, to the modern meme and popularity of terms like the corgi sploot, humans are undeniably obsessed with their dogs. Told in short, illustrated essays that are interspersed with both historical and canine factoids, The History of the World in Fifty Dogs brings to life some of history’s most memorable moments through the stories of the dogs that saw them happen.
The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Douglas Adams The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy (The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy #1)
by Douglas Adams<P><P>Seconds before the Earth is demolished to make way for a galactic freeway, Arthur Dent is plucked off the planet by his friend Ford Prefect, a researcher for the revised edition of The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy who, for the last fifteen years, has been posing as an out-of-work actor. <P><P>Together this dynamic pair begin a journey through space aided by quotes from The Hitchhiker's Guide ("A towel is about the most massively useful thing an interstellar hitchhiker can have") and a galaxy-full of fellow travelers: Zaphod Beeblebrox--the two-headed, three-armed ex-hippie and totally out-to-lunch president of the galaxy; Trillian, Zaphod's girlfriend (formally Tricia McMillan), whom Arthur tried to pick up at a cocktail party once upon a time zone; Marvin, a paranoid, brilliant, and chronically depressed robot; Veet Voojagig, a former graduate student who is obsessed with the disappearance of all the ballpoint pens he bought over the years. <P><P>Where are these pens? Why are we born? Why do we die? Why do we spend so much time between wearing digital watches? For all the answers stick your thumb to the stars. And don't forget to bring a towel!
The Hive
by Gill HornbyIt's the start of another school year at St Ambrose. But while the children are in the classroom colouring in, their mothers are learning sharper lessons on the other side of the school gates. Lessons in friendship. Lessons in betrayal. Lessons in the laws of community, the transience of power... and how to get invited to lunch.Beatrice - undisputed queen bee. Ruler, by Divine Right, of all school fund-raising, this year, last year and, surely, for many years to come.Heather - desperate to volunteer, desperate to be noticed, desperate just to belong.Georgie - desperate for a fag.And Rachel - watching them all, keeping her distance. But soon to discover that the line between amused observer and miserable outcast is a thin one.Wickedly funny and brilliantly observed, The Hive is a fascinating and subtle story about group politics and female friendship. From the joys and perils (well, mainly perils) of the Lunch Ladder, to the military operation that is the Car Boot Sale, via the dos and don'ts of dressing your child as a Dalek, all human life is here.
The Hive
by Gill HornbyWelcome to St Ambrose Primary School. A world of friendships, fights and feuding. And that's just the mothers.It's the start of another school year at St Ambrose. But while the children are in the classroom colouring in, their mothers are learning sharper lessons on the other side of the school gates. Lessons in friendship. Lessons in betrayal. Lessons in the laws of community, the transience of power... and how to get invited to lunch.Beatrice - undisputed queen bee. Ruler, by Divine Right, of all school fund-raising, this year, last year and, surely, for many years to come.Heather - desperate to volunteer, desperate to be noticed, desperate just to belong.Georgie - desperate for a fag.And Rachel - watching them all, keeping her distance. But soon to discover that the line between amused observer and miserable outcast is a thin one.The Hive is an irresistible, brilliantly observed novel - warm, witty and true. Wickedly funny, it is also a fascinating and subtle story about group politics and female friendship. From the joys and perils (well, mainly perils) of the Lunch Ladder, to the military operation that is the Car Boot Sale, via the dos and don'ts of dressing your child as a dalek, all human life is here.
The Hockey Dad Chronicles
by Ed WenckThe sport of ice hockey is going through a transitional period, losing popularity in the United States even as it gains momentum in other countries. The Hockey Dad Chronicles is the touching and funny story of one season in the youth hockey career of Ed Wenck's son, Oliver, when he played for the Indianapolis Junior Ice. Hockey parents spend an inordinate amount of time and money on their child's sport of choice - considerably more than soccer, football, or basketball parents dish out. They get their children to the ice rink for 7 a.m. ice time, they travel with them to other states for games every other weekend - and if they're anything like Ed Wenck, they spend a lot of time sitting in bleachers wondering at the absurdity of it all. As youth hockey grows ever more popular, increasing numbers of parents are seeing their lives taken over by their children's hockey careers. The Hockey Dad Chronicles will be a familiar, amusing, and moving reminder to them - and to all parents who devote themselves to their children's extracurricular activities, whether they're sports, drama, or dance - of what it's all about.
The Hole Story
by Eve MerriamDescribes all kinds of different holes, from straws to locks to noodles.
The Hole in the Middle
by Kate HiltonThe heartfelt and hilarious, international bestselling debut about having it all without losing your mind.Sophie Whelan is the kind of woman who prides herself on doing it all. In a single day, she can host a vegan-friendly and lactose-free dinner for ten, thwart a PTA president intent on forcing her to volunteer, and outwit her hostile 'assistant' in order to get her work done on time.With her fortieth birthday looming, and her carefully coordinated existence beginning to come apart at the seams, Sophie begins feeling like she needs more from her life--and especially from her husband, Jesse.The last thing Sophie needs is a new complication in her life. But when an opportunity from her past suddenly reappears, Sophie is forced to confront the choices she's made and decide if her chaotic life is really a dream come true--or the biggest mistake she's ever made...
The Holiday Honeymoon Switch
by Julia McKayTrading places and vacations might just be the Christmas miracle these two best friends need&“The Holiday meets The Unhoneymooners in this friends-swapping-places romance that has it all: mistletoe and make-outs, plus sun, sand, and swoon!&”—Chantel Guertin, author of It Happened One ChristmasHolly Beech and Ivy Casey are bury-the-body besties. They&’re so in sync, they even look alike. When Holly&’s fiancé jilts her, leaving her in shock and with a nonrefundable honeymoon, Holly convinces Ivy to switch places. Ivy will go on the Hawaiian honeymoon her best friend can&’t bear to take alone, while Holly escapes to Ivy&’s rented Hudson Valley cabin to binge-watch holiday movies and heal. But Holly&’s wallowing is interrupted when her rugged Airbnb host turns out to be her high school academic rival who&’s had a major glow-up. Meanwhile, Ivy&’s (now Hawaiian) annual solo art retreat is upended when Holly&’s ex-fiancé checks into the honeymoon suite—with a new woman. Raging and bed-less, the last thing Ivy expects is for the hot hotel bartender to come to her rescue. Against all odds, this Christmas might prove the most magical yet.
The Holiday Honeymoon Switch
by Julia McKayINSTANT NATIONAL BESTSELLER!Trading places and vacations might just be the Christmas miracle these two best friends need&“The Holiday meets The Unhoneymooners in this friends-swapping-places romance that has it all: mistletoe and make-outs, plus sun, sand, and swoon!&”—Chantel Guertin, author of It Happened One ChristmasHolly Beech and Ivy Casey are bury-the-body besties. They&’re so in sync, they even look alike. When Holly&’s fiancé jilts her, leaving her in shock and with a nonrefundable honeymoon, Holly convinces Ivy to switch places. Ivy will go on the Hawaiian honeymoon her best friend can&’t bear to take alone, while Holly escapes to Ivy&’s rented Hudson Valley cabin to binge-watch holiday movies and heal. But Holly&’s wallowing is interrupted when her rugged Airbnb host turns out to be her high school academic rival who&’s had a major glow-up. Meanwhile, Ivy&’s (now Hawaiian) annual solo art retreat is upended when Holly&’s ex-fiancé checks into the honeymoon suite—with a new woman. Raging and bed-less, the last thing Ivy expects is for the hot hotel bartender to come to her rescue. Against all odds, this Christmas might prove the most magical yet.
The Holiday Honeymoon Switch
by Julia McKayTrading places and vacations might just be the Christmas miracle these two best friends need&“The Holiday meets The Unhoneymooners in this friends-swapping-places romance that has it all: mistletoe and make-outs, plus sun, sand, and swoon!&”—Chantel Guertin, author of It Happened One ChristmasHolly Beech and Ivy Casey are bury-the-body besties. They&’re so in sync, they even look alike. When Holly&’s fiancé jilts her, leaving her in shock and with a nonrefundable honeymoon, Holly convinces Ivy to switch places. Ivy will go on the Hawaiian honeymoon her best friend can&’t bear to take alone, while Holly escapes to Ivy&’s rented Hudson Valley cabin to binge-watch holiday movies and heal. But Holly&’s wallowing is interrupted when her rugged Airbnb host turns out to be her high school academic rival who&’s had a major glow-up. Meanwhile, Ivy&’s (now Hawaiian) annual solo art retreat is upended when Holly&’s ex-fiancé checks into the honeymoon suite—with a new woman. Raging and bed-less, the last thing Ivy expects is for the hot hotel bartender to come to her rescue. Against all odds, this Christmas might prove the most magical yet.
The Holiday Mix-Up
by Ginny BairdWhile You Were Sleeping meets The Wedding Date with a fun Puerto Rican holiday twist in NYT and USA Today bestselling author Ginny Baird's latest sweet romance, in which a diner waitress agrees to be her patron's fake date...only for him to land in a coma and her to be stuck playing his sweetheart with his family all week long.Lonely-hearted waitress Katie Smith has nowhere to go for Christmas, and a huge crush on her gorgeous diner patron Juan Martinez. So when Juan asks Katie to pose as his girlfriend for holiday festivities at his family's winery, Katie leaps at the chance…that is, until an accident lands Juan in a coma right after giving his folks the "news." Katie knows she should tell the Martinezes the truth, but when they immediately embrace her, Katie is reluctant to let her fantasy of a family holiday go. And then there's Juan's brother, Mateo, whose smile tugs at her heartstrings just right—and who tells her perfect Juan might not be everything he seems.Second son Mateo Martinez loves his brother, but Juan's plan to "rebrand and expand" Los Cielos Cellars has cost their family too much and put its entire tradition in jeopardy. Katie seems to understand, but she's still committed to Juan…even when Mateo starts to wish her gentle heart and beautiful smile were committed to him instead. With the winery at stake, secrets on all sides, and Juan due to wake up any day, can Katie and Mateo follow their hearts to a Christmas miracle, or will this mix-up ruin their chances?Praise for The Holiday Mix-Up:"Fans of Hallmark movies and authors Sophie Cousens and Lia Louis will appreciate this wholesome holiday offering from Baird." —Library Journal"Baird excels at capturing the Martinez family's warmhearted and somewhat kooky dynamic, adding to the cozy, homey atmosphere. This is a delight." —Publishers Weekly
The Holiday Swap
by Maggie Knox"An utterly adorable, pitch-perfect romance with just the right amount of Christmas cheer. The Holiday Swap is a pure delight, I couldn&’t stop from smiling."-- Taylor Jenkins Reid, NYT bestselling author of Daisy Jones & The SixA feel-good, holiday-themed romantic comedy about identical twins who switch lives in the days leading up to Christmas. All they want for Christmas is a different life. When chef Charlie Goodwin gets hit on the head on the L.A. set of her reality baking show, she loses a lot more than consciousness; she also loses her ability to taste and smell--both critical to her success as show judge. Meanwhile, Charlie's identical twin, Cass, is frantically trying to hold her own life together back in their quaint mountain hometown while running the family's bustling bakery and dealing with her ex, who won't get the memo that they're over.With only days until Christmas, a desperate Charlie asks Cass to do something they haven't done since they were kids: switch places. Looking for her own escape from reality, Cass agrees. But temporarily trading lives proves more complicated than they imagined, especially when rugged firefighter Jake Greenman and gorgeous physician assistant Miguel Rodriguez are thrown into the mix. Will the twins' identity swap be a recipe for disaster, or does it have all the right ingredients for getting their lives back on track?
The Holiday Swap
by Maggie KnoxA feel-good, holiday-themed romantic comedy about identical twins who switch lives in the days leading up to Christmas--perfect for fans of Christina Lauren's In a Holidaze and Josie Silver's One Day in December. All they want for Christmas is a different life. When chef Charlie Goodwin gets hit on the head on the L.A. set of her reality baking show, she loses a lot more than consciousness; she also loses her ability to taste and smell--both critical to her success as show judge. Meanwhile, Charlie's identical twin, Cass, is frantically trying to hold her own life together back in their quaint mountain hometown while running the family's bustling bakery and dealing with her ex, who won't get the memo that they're over. With only days until Christmas, a desperate Charlie asks Cass to do something they haven't done since they were kids: switch places. Looking for her own escape from reality, Cass agrees. But temporarily trading lives proves more complicated than they imagined, especially when rugged firefighter Jake Greenman and gorgeous physician assistant Miguel Rodriguez are thrown into the mix. Will the twins' identity swap be a recipe for disaster, or does it have all the right ingredients for getting their lives back on track?
The Holiday Swap: The perfect heartwarming and cosy festive romance
by Maggie Knox'An utterly adorable, pitch-perfect romance'Taylor Jenkins Read, author of Daisy Jones and The SixWhen chef Charlie Goodwin gets hit on the head on the L.A. set of her reality baking show, she loses a lot more than consciousness; she also loses her ability to taste and smell - both critical to her success as show judge. Meanwhile, Charlie's identical twin, Cass, is frantically trying to hold her own life together back in their quaint mountain hometown while running the family's bustling bakery and dealing with her ex, who won't get the memo that they're over.With only days until Christmas, a desperate Charlie asks Cass to do something they haven't done since they were kids: switch places. Looking for her own escape from reality, Cass agrees. But temporarily trading lives proves more complicated than they imagined, especially when rugged firefighter Jake Greenman and gorgeous Physician Assistant Miguel Rodriguez are thrown into the mix. Will the twins' identity swap be a recipe for disaster, or does it have all the right ingredients for getting their lives back on track?Readers love The Holiday Swap:'A feel good story, romance, Christmas, dogs and cake! What more could you ask for?' - 5 STARS'A perfect mix of fun and romance!' - 5 STARS'A delightful festive read with drama that will pull you in' - 5 STARS'A glorious holiday adventure with a dash of romance and sibling love . . . Great fun!' - 5 STARS'Delightfully entertaining and thoroughly addictive . . . the perfect winter romance to curl up with this Christmas, with an ending worthy of a Hallmark movie' - 5 STARS
The Holiday Swap: The perfect heartwarming and cosy festive romance
by Maggie Knox'An utterly adorable, pitch-perfect romance'Taylor Jenkins Read, author of Daisy Jones and The SixTwo identical twins. Twelve days til Christmas. One recipe for love.When chef Charlie Goodwin gets hit on the head on the L.A. set of her reality baking show, she loses a lot more than consciousness; she also loses her ability to taste and smell - both critical to her success as show judge. Meanwhile, Charlie's identical twin, Cass, is frantically trying to hold her own life together back in their quaint mountain hometown while running the family's bustling bakery and dealing with her ex, who won't get the memo that they're over.With only days until Christmas, a desperate Charlie asks Cass to do something they haven't done since they were kids: switch places. Looking for her own escape from reality, Cass agrees. But temporarily trading lives proves more complicated than they imagined, especially when rugged firefighter Jake Greenman and gorgeous Physician Assistant Miguel Rodriguez are thrown into the mix. Will the twins' identity swap be a recipe for disaster, or does it have all the right ingredients for getting their lives back on track?(P) 2021 Hodder & Stoughton Limited
The Holiday Switch (Underlined Paperbacks)
by Tif MarceloTwo rival coworkers with two very big secrets . . . What could possibly go wrong? Cozy up with this charming holiday romance by USA Today bestselling author Tif Marcelo. Lila Santos is ready for her last winter break of high school. The snow in her small town of Holly, New York, is plentiful, the mood is as cozy as a fuzzy Christmas sweater, and she's earning extra cash working at the local inn—AKA the setting of the greatest film of all time, Holiday by the Lake—while moonlighting as an anonymous book blogger. But her perfect holiday plans crash to a halt when her boss's frustratingly cute nephew, Teddy Rivera, becomes her coworker. Lila is type A; Teddy is type &“Anything but Lila&’s Way,&” and the two of them can&’t stop butting heads over tangled icicle lights and messy gift shop merch. But when they accidentally switch phones one afternoon, they realize they've both been hiding things from each other. Will their secrets—and an unexpected snowstorm—bring these rivals together? &“I swooned for the romance!&”—Jasmine Guillory, New York Times bestselling author of The Proposal, on Tif Marcelo's The Key to Happily Ever After
The Holiday Trap
by Roan ParrishFor fans of Alexandria Bellefleur and Casey McQuiston comes a charming, hilarious, and heartwarming LGBTQIA+ romcom about two separate couples finding love over the holidays from acclaimed author Roan Parrish!FROM A COZY NEW ENGLAND HAVEN TO THE HEART OF NEW ORLEANS COMES ONE HOLIDAY THAT'LL CHANGE THEIR LIVESGreta Russakoff loves her tight-knit family and tiny Maine hometown, but they can't seem to understand what it's like to be a lesbian living in such a small world. When an act of familial meddling goes way too far, she realizes just how desperately she needs space to figure out who she is.Truman Belvedere's heart is crushed when he learns that his boyfriend has a secret life including a husband and daughter. Reeling, all he wants is a place to lick his wounds far, far away from Louisiana.Enter a mutual friend with a life-altering idea: swap homes for the holidays. For one perfect month, Greta and Truman will have a chance to experience a whole new world…and maybe fall in love with the partner of their dreams. But all holidays must come to an end, and eventually these two transplants will have to decide whether the love (and found family) they each discovered so far from home is worth fighting for.
The Holistic Dog: Inside the Canine Mind, Body, Spirit, Space
by Laura Benko Susan Fisher PlotnerPeople love their pets—especially their dogs. They treat them as children, as part of the family. They want to do everything they can for them, including making them feel loved, welcomed, and appreciated around the house. By delving into dogs’ worlds holistically through their mind, body, spirit, and space, The Holistic Dog delivers a thorough understanding of our canine friends. The mind portion covers their habits and personalities. The body addresses their breeds and physical characteristics. Spirit represents the dogs’ dispositions and the many ways they enhance the home atmosphere. Space captures the dogs’ connections to the beauty of the unique environments they call home. Lifestyle expert Laura Benko interviews various holistic care practitioners such as holistic veterinarians, a canine masseuse, a canine behaviorist, an animal communicator, and more. Photographs and step-by-step instructions enable readers to gain helpful tips and insights into holistic pet care and teach readers how to implement them on their own dogs. From pug to greyhound, purebred to winning mix, these dogs jump off the pages of The Holistic Dog and into our laps, warming our hearts with their charming stories by Benko and photographs by Susan Fisher Plotner, inviting us into their spaces, and introducing us to the trajectory of holistic pet care.
The Hollow Chocolate Bunnies of the Apocalypse
by Robert RankinTHE HOLLOW CHOCOLATE BUNNIES OF THE APOCALYPSE is set in Toy City, once Toy Town, but now older, bigger and certainly not wiser. The Old Rich, who have made their millions from the royalties on their world-famous nursery rhymes, are being slaughtered. One by One. Horribly. A psychopath is on the loose. He must be stopped at all costs. It's a job for Toy City's only detective - but he's missing, leaving Eddie Bear to track down the mad killer, with the aid only of his bestest friend, Jack, and a wide cast of truly unforgettable characters. This is a wonderfully funny book from the irreverent, hilarious writer of WEB SITE STORY, THE SPROUTS OF WRATH and The Brentford Trilogy.
The Hollow Chocolate Bunnies of the Apocalypse
by Robert RankinA hilarious comic fantasy from the bestselling cult creator of the Brentford Triangle TrilogyOnce upon a time Jack set out to find his fortune in the big city. But the big city is Toy City, formerly known as Toy Town, and it has grown considerably since the good old days and isn't all that jolly any more. And there is a serial killer loose on the streets. The old, rich nursery rhyme characters are being slaughtered one by one and the Toy City police are getting nowhere in their investigations. Meanwhile, Private Eye Bill Winkie has gone missing, leaving behind his sidekick Eddie Bear to take care of things.Eddie may be a battered teddy with an identity crisis, but someone's got to stop the killer. When he teams up with Jack, the two are ready for the challenge. Not to mention the heavy drinking, bad behaviour, car chases, gratuitous sex and violence, toy fetishism and all-round grossness along the way. It's going to be an epic adventure!
The Hollow Chocolate Bunnies of the Apocalypse: Eddie Bear Book 1 (Eddie Bear #1)
by Robert RankinOnce upon a time Jack set out to find his fortune in the big city. But the big city is Toy City, formerly known as Toy Town, and it has grown considerably since the good old days and isn't all that jolly any more. And there is a serial killer loose on the streets. The old, rich nursery rhyme characters are being slaughtered one by one and the Toy City police are getting nowhere in their investigations. Meanwhile, Private Eye Bill Winkie has gone missing, leaving behind his sidekick Eddie Bear to take care of things.Eddie may be a battered teddy with an identity crisis, but someone's got to stop the killer. When he teams up with Jack, the two are ready for the challenge. Not to mention the heavy drinking, bad behaviour, car chases, gratuitous sex and violence, toy fetishism and all-round grossness along the way. It's going to be an epic adventure!Read by Robert Rankin(p) 2005 Orion Publishing Group
The Hollows Insider: New Fiction, Facts, Maps, Murders, and More in the World of Rachel Morgan (Hollows)
by Kim HarrisonNew York Times bestselling author Kim Harrison has won legions of fans with her sexy supernatural novels featuring bounty-hunting witch Rachel Morgan. And now comes a unique look inside her beloved Hollows series that no fan should miss. . . . The Hollows InsiderIn the Hollows, the supernatural Inderlanders rule, and humanity must abide by their conventions, or else.To survive among vampires, witches, Weres, gargoyles, trolls, fairies, and banshees—to say nothing of demons—humanity needs a guide. And now, written by Kim Harrison herself, here is an insider’s look at the supernatural world of the Hollows, from an overarching new story to character profiles, maps, spell guides, charm recipes, secret correspondence from the elusive Trent Kalamack, and much more.
The Hollywood Assistants Handbook: 86 Rules for Aspiring Power Players
by Peter Nowalk Hillary StammAre you young, eager, smart, and heading off to LA to make it big in the entertainment business? Time for a reality check: Leave your diploma at home, put your grandiose dreams on hold (where hopefully they'll get tired and hang up), and start by repeating the first rule of the industry: Who you work for is more important than who you are. Then leapfrog over everyone else by reading The Hollywood Assistants Handbook. Written by two very sharp and successful assistants to HPPs (Hollywood Power Players), here are 86 lessons packed with a combination of blunt truth, insider humor, and juicy secrets that explain the unwritten rules of how to get a foot in the door and make all the right moves as you climb to the top. Here are the minimum-wage jobs that will put you in the path of HPPs. An annotated resume roundup. The clubs to frequent and the cocktails to order. Movies to watch and books to read (it's called homework). Dressing do's and don'ts. How to get on the Free List. A lineup of boss genres—the Horror Show, the Romantic Comedy, Mr. Action—and how to dodge the tirades that will soon be hurled your way, along with the proper outlets for venting. Plus, the ins and outs of your most important tool, the telephone—when to listen in (always!), who to put through and who to put off, and your new best friend forever, the Plantronics CS70 cordless headset. With its hilariously snarky tone—the gate-keeping quiz is "How to Tell if You're a Moron Who Should Pack Up the Corolla and Move Back Home"—The Hollywood Assistants Handbook is as baldly entertaining for everyone who loves reading about Hollywood as it is indispensably practical for the job-seeker.