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The Petraeus Files: All the Photos, Chats, Poems, and Other Super-Secret Emails They Don't Want You to See
by Ted TravelsteadWARNING: The satire you are about to read will change the way you look at our nation's leaders. FOREVER.In November 2012, General David Petraeus stepped down from his post as director of the CIA when it was exposed that he'd had an affair with his biographer, Paula Broadwell. The political scandal that unfolded would eventually include four-star generals, socialites, FBI agents, the Army, a stuffed Sasquatch, and the entire cast of TLC's Sister Wives.Hundreds, thousands—maybe millions—of e-mails were exchanged between these parties. Their computers have been seized by the government, and those e-mails would likely never see the light of day. . . . However, access to these confidential documents has been obtained by a most unlikely source: comedian Ted Travelstead. Through a perfect storm of dumb luck, desperation, and a favor from a friend with a working computer, Travelstead managed to secure these e-mails. He has pored over reams of pages to give you an inside look at The Petraeus Files. Prepare to be amazed by:*The coded phrases Gen. Petraeus and his mistress Paula Broadwell used to keep their rendezvous private, and the numerous nicknames they had for each other ("Peaches: I want your plums in my juicer.")*Florida socialite Jill Kelley's official titles: Vice Consul of Sweet Times, Ambassador of Lady Town, Lil' Mayor Push-N-Pull, and Undersecretary of All Things Considered, to name a few.*Gen. John Allen's previously unknown penchant for Nip/Tuck fan fictionWith exclusive e-mails, chats, photographs, and illustrations, this is a book that will change the way you look at the military, our nation's leaders, and the phrase "rear admiral."
The Petrelli Heir (Mills & Boon Largeprint Romance Ser. #Vol. 2216)
by Kim LawrenceAn impossible truthRoman Petrelli knows exactly how precious life is. Now that he can’t produce an heir, he’s the last Petrelli standing. So how could Isabel Carter have given birth to his baby? Izzy’s one night with Roman was an uncharacteristic act of spontaneity that left her with more than redhot memories. Her little daughter is the family that Izzy’s always wanted. When Roman demands to be part of his child’s life Izzy fears he’ll sweep in and take over. But Roman’s determined to get what he wants and he’ll use any means necessary-charming or otherwise!"Kim Lawrence is utterly compelling. She creates such sympathetic and likeable characters."-Victoria, Retired, Belfast
The Phantom Of The Open Hearth
by Jean ShepherdThe Phantom of the Open Hearth: A Film for Television Co-ordinated by Leigh Brown
The Phantom Virus: Herobrine?s Revenge Book One (A Gameknight999 Adventure): An Unofficial Minecrafter?s Adventure (Gameknight999 Series)
by Mark ChevertonHerobrine has crafted an evil game for Gameknight999 to play.Herobrine, the artificially intelligent virus, was deleted. The computer it resided in was completely destroyed. Without their leader, the few survivors of its evil army were cast away into the shadows. It looked as if there would finally be peace and happiness throughout the servers of Minecraft.But suddenly, and mysteriously, software began misbehaving. Sheep fell from the sky. Snowballs appeared out of nowhere. What seemed at first like harmless glitches quickly became dangerous. Pigs begin walking backwards, it starts to snow in the middle of the desert, and sheep are falling from the sky.Gameknight999, the User-that-is-not-a-user, has no choice but to investigate. But the odd yet harmless pranks are turning deadly, and it’s not long before entire villages are completely destroyed. Examining the arrogant clues, Gameknight is no longer so sure that Herobrine was destroyed after all. Is it possible he escaped? Everything points towards a deadly trap far worse than anything that Minecraft has seen before. Will Gameknight solve the puzzle before the Overworld is destroyed?Sky Pony Press, with our Good Books, Racehorse and Arcade imprints, is proud to publish a broad range of books for young readers-picture books for small children, chapter books, books for middle grade readers, and novels for young adults. Our list includes bestsellers for children who love to play Minecraft; stories told with LEGO bricks; books that teach lessons about tolerance, patience, and the environment, and much more. While not every title we publish becomes a New York Times bestseller or a national bestseller, we are committed to books on subjects that are sometimes overlooked and to authors whose work might not otherwise find a home.
The Phantom in the Mirror (Hank the Cowdog Series, #20)
by John R. EricksonPete the Barncat starts a rumor about a Phanotm Dog in the machine shed. Hank checks it out and sees the meanest, toughest, stupidest dog he's ever seen.
The Phantom of the Theater: A Geronimo Stilton Adventure (Creepella von Cacklefur #8)
by Geronimo StiltonIt's always a fur-raising adventure with Creepella von Cacklefur!The famouse opera singer Violetta von Cacklefur is in Gloomeria to perform at the Royal Mousetropolitan Theater! But the mischievous phantom of the theater has anold grudge against her. It's up to Creepella and Geronimo to track him down in the theater's spooky basement... before the curtains rise and he ruins the show!
The Philosophy of Beards: A Lecture: Physiological, Artistic & Historical
by Thomas S. GowingA humorous and bizarre artifact from the Victorian culture of manliness, and the perfect gift book for the man in your life -- bearded or not.The Philosophy of Beards is a curious look into the Victorian culture of hyper-manliness. The author makes his case for the universal wearing of a beard--proclaiming that a beard is the essential symbol of manly virtue and distinction since time immemorial. The book is here republished for the first time since 1854 in this disctinctive gift edition, edited by the British Library with illustrations of impressive beards from history.
The Philosophy of Laughter and Humor (Suny Series in Philosophy)
by John MorreallJohn Morreall is Associate Professor of Philosophy at Rochester Institute of Technology. He has written widely in philosophy, religion, and linguistics, and is the author of Taking Laughter Seriously, published by SUNY Press, and Analogy and Talking about God.
The Philosophy of Mr. B*rtr*nd R*ss*ll: With an Appendix of Leading Passages from Certain Other Works. A Skit. (Routledge Library Editions: Russell)
by Philip E. B. JourdainThis skit of Bertrand Russell’s philosophy was originally published in 1918 by Russell’s correspondent friend Jourdain. The introduction explains that the contents purport to be lost papers written by Mr. B*rtr*nd R*ss*ll, a contemporary of Bertrand Russell. This politically humorous volume from the early 20th Century parodies the writing style of Russell as well as his theories.
The Phoenix Colossal Comics Collection, Volume Three (The Phoenix)
by Contributor VariousA stunning full-color bind-up of content from the amazing Phoenix comic. From humor to adventure to nonfiction to puzzles to the just plain awesome, this bind-up is a smorgasbord for everyone.Behold! The third epic compendium in The Phoenix Colossal Comics Collection is here!Race across the country with the fastest girl in the land; follow the misadventures of a beefy barbarian chef; embark on a crazy odyssey through ancient Greece, alongside its hopeless hero. From humor, to adventure, to non-fiction, to puzzles, to the just plain awesome, this bind-up is a smorgasbord for everyone.
The Phoenix Colossal Comics Collection: Volume One (The Phoenix #1)
by Contributor VariousA stunning full-color bind-up of content from the amazing Phoenix comic. From humor to adventure to non-fiction to puzzles to the just plain awesome, this bind-up is a smorgasbord for everyone.Laughs, advenutres, thrills!Slug private detectives!Terrifying kittens!Intergalactic foes and evil penguins! The Phoenix Colossal Comics Collection: Volume One is arriving on our shores from a top secret location. A collection of different comics content taken from the issues of The Phoenix, this bind-up pulls together different humorous, informative, action-packed, and brain-teasing stories into one mega-comic bind-up! From humor to adventure to non-fiction to puzzles to the just plain awesome, this bind-up is a smorgasbord for everyone.
The Phoenix Colossal Comics Collection: Volume Two (The Phoenix)
by Contributor VariousA stunning full-color bind-up of content from the amazing Phoenix comic. From humor to adventure to nonfiction to puzzles to the just plain awesome, this bind-up is a smorgasbord for everyone.Continue the laugh-out-loud humor, the thrilling adventure, the just plain awesome. The second epic compendium in The Phoenix Colossal Comics Collection will have you traveling from the sewers of London, to Daniel Crisp's crazy imagination, into the forest with giant mechanical insects, to cat starships in outerspace and back again. From humor, to adventure, to non-fiction, to puzzles, this bind-up is a smorgasbord for everyone.
The Phoenix of Destiny: An Epic Kingdom of Fantasy Adventure (Geronimo Stilton and the Kingdom of Fantasy)
by Geronimo StiltonAn adventure of epic proportions!I, Geronimo Stilton, had returned to the Kingdom of Fantasy on the wings of the Phoenix of Destiny! Blossom, Queen of the Fairies, needed my help once again. But Blossom was behaving strangely. She sent me off on quest after magical quest, each one more bizarre and dangerous than the last. It felt like my missions were building up to something truly terrible right under my snout. Could my friends and I put things right again? It's a story full of twists and turns, mazes and puzzles, and tons of fantastical creatures!
The Piano Lesson (Pictureback(R))
by Billy WrecksIt's music and laughs galore as Cuphead and Mugman tickle the ivories in this full-color retelling of the "Piano Lesson" from Netflix's hit animated series The Cuphead Show!The Cuphead Show! follows the adventures of two lovable brothers—Cuphead and Mugman—through their unique misadventures! But no matter what the trouble is, they&’ve always got one another&’s backs. But what happens when Mugman's dream of becoming a great pianist is dashed by an unexpected musical genius? Fans of the Netflix animated series or the video game that inspired it, will love this retelling with full-color images straight from the laugh out loud series!
The Picture of Dorian Greyhound (Classic Tails 4): Beautifully illustrated classics, as told by the finest breeds!
by Oscar Wilde Eliza GarrettCLASSIC TAILS - the greatest works of literature, as told by the finest breedsWe all have our favourite classic tales; books that have been beloved to us since childhood, whose wonderful stories and rich tapestry of characters are unsurpassed in modern literature. How, you may ask, could these marvellous works ever be improved upon?Reader, ask no more...for we present The Picture of Dorian GreyhoundDorian Greyhound is the best of his breed - well-tempered, beautiful and pure of heart. So Basil Basset, an artist, paints a portrait that reflects the very essence of Dorian's soul.But soon Dorian befriends selfish hedonist Lord Henry Wooffon, and then the moral corruption of this sweet creature begins. On the outside, Dorian remains young and sleek - but as his naughtiness increases, the portrait starts to reveal the extent of his inner decay...What readers are saying about The Picture of Dorian Greyhound:'The whole book is hilarious. I need more of these Classic Tails editions in my life''Clever text, lovely illustrations''Fun references and amazing artwork. It's certainly made me want to read the original'
The Picture of Dorian Greyhound: Beautifully illustrated classics, as told by the finest breeds! (Classic Tails)
by Oscar Wilde Eliza GarrettCLASSIC TAILS - the greatest works of literature, as told by the finest breedsWe all have our favourite classic tales; books that have been beloved to us since childhood, whose wonderful stories and rich tapestry of characters are unsurpassed in modern literature. How, you may ask, could these marvellous works ever be improved upon?Reader, ask no more...for we present The Picture of Dorian GreyhoundDorian Greyhound is the best of his breed - well-tempered, beautiful and pure of heart. So Basil Basset, an artist, paints a portrait that reflects the very essence of Dorian's soul.But soon Dorian befriends selfish hedonist Lord Henry Wooffon, and then the moral corruption of this sweet creature begins. On the outside, Dorian remains young and sleek - but as his naughtiness increases, the portrait starts to reveal the extent of his inner decay...What readers are saying about The Picture of Dorian Greyhound:'The whole book is hilarious. I need more of these Classic Tails editions in my life''Clever text, lovely illustrations''Fun references and amazing artwork. It's certainly made me want to read the original'
The Pig Comes to Dinner: A Novel (The Pig Trilogy #2)
by Joseph Caldwell&“A comic triumph&” set in a haunted Irish castle from the author of The Pig Did It (Richmond Times-Dispatch).All of the charming characters of the previous book are present again in this delightful new story. Kitty McCloud, now married to Kieran Sweeney, her former rival in one of their district&’s oldest blood feuds, has bought an ancient Irish castle with the profits from her popular revisions of classic novels like Jane Eyre. Kitty&’s American cousin, Aaron McCloud, has arrived with his new wife, the former Lolly McKeever, to redeliver to Kitty and Kieran their wedding gift of the troublesome pig, who is not at all welcome at the castle. But over their lighthearted discord hangs a weightier problem—Kitty&’s new home is inhabited by two comely ghosts from out of the castle&’s troubled past. How this haunting couple is dealt with serves only to embellish the allure and humor of Mr. Caldwell&’s uniquely theatrical storytelling.
The Pig Goes to Hog Heaven: A Novel (The Pig Trilogy #3)
by Joseph Caldwell&“A triumphant conclusion&” to the spirited Irish trilogy from the author of The Pig Did It and The Pig Comes to Dinner (Richmond Times-Dispatch). Kitty McCloud, the trilogy&’s leading lady, would let these words stand, even were she a reviser of aphorisms rather than a &“fixer&” of great literary works by the likes of Bronte, Hardy, and Eliot no less, by writing &“improved&” versions of which she makes an outsized bestselling living that affords her the dubious luxury of living in contentious bliss with her husband, Kieran Sweeney, in their ancient, haunted Irish Castle Kissane. For in Mr. Caldwell&’s new comedy—well, tragicomedy, in the truly Irish sense—almost nothing seems to be over—disappeared characters rematerialize, romances that seemed dead burst back to ardent life, and even Taddy and Brid, Castle Kissane&’s comely spirits, find new meaning in Yogi&’s remark as they resolve themselves into much-longed-for conclusions. And the pig, ah yes, the pig! The pig who started it all by rooting up the bones of the past and tipping many lives topsy turvy—that pig goes wee wee wee all the way—er—home.
The Pig Scrolls
by Paul Shipton"Filled with wild adventures, bad puns, and classical allusions, this slapstick sheds light on the gods, heroes, and philosophers of antiquity. " -- THE HORN BOOK Behold Gryllus, sarcastic former crewman of Odysseus, changed by Circe into a swine -- and happy to stay that way. Life is just fine until the prophetess Sibyl tells him that the world's in grave danger and that the only one who can save it is . . . a talking pig. Well, fan-bloomin'-tastic! Full of nonstop action and oddly familiar characters, from a lyres trumming poet to the testy gods and goddesses, this comical quest will tickle young readers and earn a place on teachers' and librarians' shelves.
The Pig Trilogy: The Pig Did It, The Pig Comes to Dinner, and The Pig Goes to Hog Heaven (The Pig Trilogy #2)
by Joseph CaldwellJoseph Caldwell&’s rollicking Pig Trilogy, a charmingly romantic three-part tale of an American in contemporary IrelandAaron McCloud has come to Ireland from New York City to walk the beach and pity himself for the cold indifference of the young lady in his writing class he had chosen to be his love. The pig will have none of that.What the pig eventually does is root up in Aunt Kitty&’s vegetable garden evidence of a possible transgression that each of the novel&’s three Irish characters is convinced the other probably benefited from. The resolution of this hilarious mystery in The Pig Did It—the first entry in Mr. Caldwell&’s Pig Trilogy—inspires both comic eloquence and a theatrically colorful canvas depicting the brooding Irish land and seascape. And in The Pig Comes to Dinner and The Pig Goes to Hog Heaven, all of the charming characters of the first book return for more tragicomedy and hijinks, told in Caldwell&’s uniquely theatrical style.
The Pigeon HAS to Go to School! (Pigeon Ser.)
by Mo WillemsThe Pigeon must go to school, but frets about math, learning the alphabet, heavy backpacks, and what the teacher and other birds will think of him.
The Pillow Book of Lotus Lowenstein
by Libby SchmaisAn adorable, completely original YA voice. Lotus Lowenstein's life ismerde. She dreams of moving to Paris and becoming an existentialist. Yet here she is trapped in Park Slope, Brooklyn, with a New-Agey mom, an out-of-work dad, and a chess champion brother who dreams of being a rock star. Merci à Dieufor Lotus’s best friend, Joni, who loves French culture enough to cofound their high school’s first French Club with Lotus. At the first meeting, the cutest boy in the world walks in. His name is Sean, and he too loves French culture and worships Jean-Paul Sartre. At first, Lotus thinks Sean is the best thing to happen to her in years. He’s smart, cultured, and adorable. Unfortunately, though, Joni feels the same way. And having an existentialist view of love, Sean sees nothing wrong with enjoying both girls’ affections. Things come to a head when all three depart for Montreal with their teacher, Ms. G, on the French Club’s first official field trip. Will Sean choose Joni over Lotus? And will Lotus and Joni’s friendship ever recover?
The Pilo Traveling Show
by Will ElliottJamie is rebuilding his life after his previous escape from the Pilo Family Circus, with no memories of the circus besides the clown outfit in his cupboard. Far below, as the circus stirs back to life, Jamie finds himself filled with urges to be a clown again (making inappropriate jokes at work, an urge to put on his clown outfit, etc. ) He also finds that his friends and family do not trust him, because of that night he was found by police in a clown suit with blood on his shoes, and no memory of what happened. But there are those who do remember what happened. As the circus rebuilds itself, seeking out past performers and enslaving new cast members, Jamie finds himself drawn back into the dark world of the diabolic big top. But this time, the clown paint has no effect on him. His evil twin -- JJ -- is dead and buried. Jamie believes there is no way to bring back that twisted side of himself. That is, until the body is found and reanimated . . .
The Pinhoe Egg (Chronicles of Chrestomanci #6)
by Diana Wynne JonesCat Chant and Marianne Pinhoe have discovered something exciting-something truly precious, very strange, and valuable. An egg. An egg that has been hidden away in an attic for who-knows-how-many years. An egg protected by some strong "Don't Notice" spells. An egg that Marianne gives to Cat, even though he lives at nearby Chrestomanci Castle. Chrestomanci himself, the strongest enchanter in the world, is sure to be interested in the egg-and interference from the Big Man is the last thing Marianne's family of secret rogue witches wants. But how much longer can the Pinhoes keep their secrets? Gammer, the leader of the clan, has gone mad, a powerful bad luck spell is wreaking havoc, and there's an unexplained plague of frogs. Not to mention the mysterious barrier Cat finds in the forest. Marianne and Cat may be the only two who can set things right. But first Marianne must accept her own powerful magic, and Cat must uncover the secrets behind the mystical Pinhoe Egg. In this new Chrestomanci book, Diana Wynne Jones is at her most magical.
The Pink Book (Beginner Books(R))
by Diane MuldrowAn over-the-top celebration of pink, as told by a small girl with a BIG imagination!In this charming Beginner Book by New York Times best-selling author Diane Muldrow, a spunky young girl encourages readers to spot the different shades of pink in the real--and sometimes imaginary--world around her. From the pearly pink inside a shell to the rosy hue she'll paint the White House when she's President, this charming ode to a beloved color is ideal for reading-aloud or reading alone. With bright, cheerful illustrations by Mike Yamada, beginning readers will be (dare we say) tickled PINK! Originally created by Dr. Seuss himself, Beginner Books are fun, funny, and easy to read. These unjacketed hardcover early readers encourage children to read all on their own, using simple words and illustrations. Smaller than the classic large format Seuss picture books like The Lorax and Oh, The Places You&’ll Go!, these portable packages are perfect for practicing readers ages 3-7, and lucky parents too!