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Tommy Cooper All In One Joke Book: Book Joke, Joke Book
by Tommy CooperMy wife is a magician, yesterday she turned our car into a tree.A big white horse walks into a pub. The barman says, 'we have a drink named after you.' The horse says, 'what? Eric?'I said, 'waiter, what's that in my soup?' he said, 'I'd better call the boss, I can't tell one insect from another.'I'm reading a book called 'Sex Before 20'. Personally I don't like audiences.I said, 'it's serious, doctor, I've broken my arm in 20 places'. He said, 'well stop going to those places.'I call my car flattery. It gets me nowhere.
Tommy Doc: The Controversial and Colourful Life of One of Football's Most Dominant Personalities
by David TossellTommy ‘The Doc’ Docherty was a combative Scotland international wing-half who became a brilliant but erratic manager. His 1960s Chelsea team was a glorious reflection of his colourful personality, and a decade later he reinvented his relegated Manchester United side as a vibrant attacking force.He was also, however, a hostage to his own decision-making, costing Chelsea a shot at the First Division title when he banned eight players for breaking their curfew. Most famously, he was fired by United after FA Cup glory because he’d fallen in love with the physiotherapist’s wife. He was a much-travelled manager, and ‘I’ve had more clubs than Jack Nicklaus’ was among the well-worn one-liners that created the image of ‘The Doc’ as football’s stand-up comedian. But in Tommy Doc, David Tossell looks beyond the wisecracks, interviewing Docherty himself, as well as former players and colleagues, to examine a remarkable career and reveal the personal heartaches behind the laughter.
Tommy Frasier and the Asteroid Bats (The Adventures of Tommy Frasier #2)
by Quentin DoddTommy Frasier's Second Adventure The Ultra Fun Habitat is the most exciting amusement park in the galaxy. It has rides, it has games, it has every kind of junk food and souvenir imaginable. It even has free tickets What could go wrong? Plenty. Tommy and his alien friends discover that it's easy to get into the Ultra Fun Habitat, but getting out will be their biggest challenge yet!
Tommy Frasier and the Planet of the Slugs (The Adventures of Tommy Frasier #1)
by Quentin DoddThe Space Slugs Need a Hero! One afternoon, Tommy Frasier finds a talking slug hiding in his refrigerator. Things get crazier from there. Soon, Tommy is traveling across the galaxy, fighting space pirates and Arctic Viking Ducks, to help his slimy new friends. Will he save the planet of the slugs? Find out inside! Ages 7 and up.
Tommy Puke and the Boy with the Golden Barf
by Robert T. Jeschonek Ben BaldwinA twisted modern fable from award-winner Robert T. Jeschonek, author of the Booklist Top Ten First Novel for Youth My Favorite Band Does Not Exist. Who's the grossest kid in the world? Tommy Puke, that's who! He fights off bullies with his mighty loogies...conquers jerks with his powerful farts...and sticks up for his pet skunk by driving off wild dogs with his blistering bad breath. What happens when he takes his new friend, Josh, on an epic quest to find the fabled prince of vomit, who might just be Tommy's brother? Action, laughs, and more disgusting gross-outs than you can shake a booger at! Will Tommy and Josh find the prince, otherwise known as the Boy with the Golden Barf? Will his golden barf make them rich? Will he welcome Tommy Puke to the family? Or will Tommy and Josh find themselves in over their heads in the sewer in a deadly battle with the only person more stomach-turning than Tommy? One thing is for sure: the puke, boogers, loogies, poop, and goop will fly! And Josh must gain the power of the secret Eighth Emanation--a magic bodily fluid far grosser than any known to mankind--to stand a chance of surviving. Don't miss this hilarious and action-packed gross-out adventure from award-winning author Robert T. Jeschonek.
Tommy Puke and the World's Grossest Grown-up
by Robert T. Jeschonek Ben BaldwinWho's the grossest kid in the world? Tommy Puke, that's who! He fights off bullies with his mighty loogies...conquers jerks with his powerful farts...and sticks up for his pet skunk by driving off wild dogs with his blistering bad breath. But what happens when Tommy meets Rhino Man, a barfing hero who's grosser than he is? What happens when Rhino Man shows off stomach-churning fighting moves that even Tommy can't match? What happens is this: Tommy feels inferior and decides to hang up his puke. But Tommy's best friend, Josh, won't give up on him. Josh gets the god of vomit, Chonganda, to let Tommy peek at his future as a grown-up. Will grown-up Tommy convince little Tommy to get gross again? Even if Tommy gets his mojo back, can he hope to defeat the mighty hair-horned Rhino Man and his bag of sickening tricks? One thing is for sure: the puke, boogers, loogies, poop, and goop will fly! Join Tommy Puke for action, laughs, and more disgusting gross-outs than you can shake a booger at! Don't miss this hilarious and action-packed gross-out adventure from award-winner Robert Jeschonek, author of the young readers' fantasy My Favorite Band Does Not Exist, selected as a Top Ten First Novel for Youth by Booklist.
TommyInnit Says...The Quote Book
by Tom Simons Will GoldA laugh-out-loud 'best of' selection of TommyInnit's most weird and wonderful quotes - plus much more - carefully selected to BLOW YOUR MIND by him and best friend Wilbur Soot.'Nah, I think I'd be a pretty bad shark''What if God was just legs?' 'We're really just chilling, fellas'Born sometime in the early 2000s, TommyInnit's first job was a YouTuber. No, really, we're not joking, the very first job he had was a YouTuber. For the last three years, he's been mouthing off on the internet to anyone who will listen. So far, that's over 40 million followers. Will there ever be an end to TommyInnit's rampant flurry of success? Probably.And Wilbur Soot has been right by his side. Wilbur first started his career as a young man staring at the wall until he also became a YouTuber. He also discovered a little activity some may call 'singing'.In The Quote Book, TommyInnit covers a wealth of topics from cars-that-grow-teeth to slime people, and from things that be crazy to octopi. Curated and edited by Wilbur Soot, TommyInnit is about to change your life one word at a time. Unless, dear reader, you read two words at a time, like he does.Featuring: A day in the life Inside TommyInnit's brain What TommyInnit would do if he was God Life advice from Wilbur Love poetry and history lessons, TommyInnit style Wilbur's attempts to reason with TommyInnit
TommyInnit Says...The Quote Book
by Tom Simons Will GoldA laugh-out-loud 'best of' selection of TommyInnit's most weird and wonderful quotes - plus much more - carefully selected to BLOW YOUR MIND by him and best friend Wilbur Soot.'Nah, I think I'd be a pretty bad shark''What if God was just legs?' 'We're really just chilling, fellas'Born sometime in the early 2000s, TommyInnit's first job was a YouTuber. No, really, we're not joking, the very first job he had was a YouTuber. For the last three years, he's been mouthing off on the internet to anyone who will listen. So far, that's over 40 million followers. Will there ever be an end to TommyInnit's rampant flurry of success? Probably.And Wilbur Soot has been right by his side. Wilbur first started his career as a young man staring at the wall until he also became a YouTuber. He also discovered a little activity some may call 'singing'.In The Quote Book, TommyInnit covers a wealth of topics from cars-that-grow-teeth to slime people, and from things that be crazy to octopi. Curated and edited by Wilbur Soot, TommyInnit is about to change your life one word at a time. Unless, dear reader, you read two words at a time, like he does.Featuring: A day in the life Inside TommyInnit's brain What TommyInnit would do if he was God Life advice from Wilbur Love poetry and history lessons, TommyInnit style Wilbur's attempts to reason with TommyInnit
TommyInnit's Guide to Survival
by Tom SimonsThis book will single-handedly eradicate the need for parenting and schools. It's that useful.It's a cruel, cruel world out there, a harrowing place filled with crime and illnesses, taxes and grief. And swans. But help is finally here. TommyInnit's Guide to Survival will teach you how to:- Navigate peer pressure using simple, fun solutions, such as violence- Survive being mugged, by humans or animals- Become famous in various ways, some of which are even morally defensible- Fall in love - with other actual humans- Overcome the mean voice in your head- Quickly and easily defeat Godzilla, sharks with arms . . . and swansWhen the apocalypse hits, you need to be ready! So read this book. Read it hard. And then read it again.
TommyInnit's Guide to Survival
by Tom SimonsThis book will single-handedly eradicate the need for parenting and schools. It's that useful.It's a cruel, cruel world out there, a harrowing place filled with crime and illnesses, taxes and grief. And swans. But help is finally here. TommyInnit's Guide to Survival will teach you how to:- Navigate peer pressure using simple, fun solutions, such as violence- Survive being mugged, by humans or animals- Become famous in various ways, some of which are even morally defensible- Fall in love - with other actual humans- Overcome the mean voice in your head- Quickly and easily defeat Godzilla, sharks with arms . . . and swansWhen the apocalypse hits, you need to be ready! So read this book. Read it hard. And then read it again.
TommyInnit's Guide to Survival
by Tom SimonsThis book will single-handedly eradicate the need for parenting and schools. It's that useful.It's a cruel, cruel world out there, a harrowing place filled with crime and illnesses, taxes and grief. And swans. But help is finally here. TommyInnit's Guide to Survival will teach you how to:- Navigate peer pressure using simple, fun solutions, such as violence- Survive being mugged, by humans or animals- Become famous in various ways, some of which are even morally defensible- Fall in love - with other actual humans- Overcome the mean voice in your head- Quickly and easily defeat Godzilla, sharks with arms . . . and swansWhen the apocalypse hits, you need to be ready! So read this book. Read it hard. And then read it again.
Tomo: I was an Eighth-Grade Ninja
by Andrew Simmons Rob CorleyHana's arrival in America places her in the two worlds of attending school by day and battling as a ninja at night. Although young, she begins to learn about the great role she will play in this first book of the manga-style Tomo series written by Andrew Simmons and Rob Corley with illustration by Ariel Padilla.
Tom's Tweet
by Dan Santat Jill EsbaumTom is on the hunt for a tasty morning treat when he spies a flip-flapping, fluttery bird just there for the taking. Hello, breakfast! But little Tweet with his big black button eyes is too skinny to eat. Tom is determined to not get involved, but he can't just leave Tweet there . . . frightened, unhappy, alone. Consarn it! It's just Tom's luck to get stuck with a Tweet!From the Hardcover edition.
Toneladas de Diversión
by Bernard Levine Balmore de Jesús MorenoEn este libro encuentras una colección de chistes divertidos que hacen cosquillas en el estómago para brindarles a sus hijos horas de pura felicidad y placer. ¡Prepárate para reír!
Tongue Fu! How to Deflect, Disarm and Defuse Any Verbal Conflict
by Sam HornFrom the book cover: "Looking for just the right words to cut your opponents off at the knees? Ms. Horn will probably convince you there's a better way. She teaches tactics for handling bullies, complainers, rude children, and angry people of every stripe. Her weapons are kindness, empathy, and a bit of detachment. Her anecdotes get to the bottom of conflicts with the same humor she urges on her readers."-The Dallas Morning News "If you use the strategies outlined by Horn, Tongue Fu! will change your attitude and the attitude of others. It will also change the way others treat you. This book is filled with diplomatic ways to deflect conflicts." -Foreign Service Journal "Sam Horn is a verbal black belt who knows how to counter oral attacks . . . her new book Tongue Fu! doesn't explain how to defeat opponents with linguistic karate chops. Instead, it teaches how to kill conflict with kindness."-The Seattle Times "This self-help book focuses on communication-specifically, how to see through your anger, embarrassment, and frustration to deal constructively with other people. Anecdotes and action plans . . . enliven the book."-Honolulu Star Bulletin "By focusing on real-life responses to verbal challenges instead of theories and platitudes, the author has delivered a convenient handbook for the mental martial art of verbal self-protection. Horn's book is a lively, positive guide that can be returned to time and again. A popular title for all public library collections."-Library Journal
Tonne se Genot!
by Bernard LevineHier is 'n versameling van snaakse maag-kielie grappies om jou kinders ure van suiwer geluk en plesier te gee.
Tony Hogan Bought Me an Ice-Cream Float Before He Stole My Ma: A Novel
by Kerry HudsonReminiscent of early Roddy Doyle, Tony Hogan Bought Me an Ice-Cream Float Before He Stole My Ma begins with our singular heroine's less than idyllic birth and quickly moves to a spectacular fight that lands Janie and her mother in a local women's shelter. From there it's on to a dodgy council flat and a succession of unsuitable men, including the hard-drinking, drug-dealing, ice-cream-buying Tony Hogan.<P><P> Kerry Hudson's arrestingly original debut will enthrall readers with Janie's tragicomic and moving story about coming of age in a non-traditional family amid the absurdities of the 1980s and Thatcherite Britain.
Tony's Bread
by Tomie dePaolaTony dreams that one day he'll become the most famous baker in northern Italy. His poor daughter Serafina wants to be allowed to marry. Each of their dreams seems far away until Angelo, a rich young nobleman from Milan, appears and devises a way to make everyone's dreams come true.
Tonys Therapie (Sex in Seattle (Deutsch) #1)
by Anna Doe Eli EastonBuch 1 in der Serie - Sex in SeattlePrivatdetektiv Tony DeMarco soll in Seattle den Mord an einer jungen Frau aufklären. Dazu meldet er sich als Patient in der Sexklinik von Dr. Jack Halloran an, der das Opfer vor ihrem Tod behandelt hat. Tony arbeitet nicht das erste Mal als verdeckter Ermittler, aber dieses Mal möchte er am liebsten mit einem seiner Verdächtigen unter eine Decke kriechen. Er kann es nicht ändern - Jack Halloran ist der Typ von stahlhartem Mann, auf den Tony steht. Aber bevor Tony den Romeo spielen kann, muss er erst Jacks Unschuld beweisen und gleichzeitig verhindern, dass der Arzt sein falsches Spiel herausfindet. Dr. Halloran hat seine eigenen Probleme. Als Feldchirurg im Irakkrieg wurde er verwundet, ist seitdem am rechten Arm behindert und leidet unter PTSD. Der attraktive neue Patient, ein großer, amüsanter Italiener mit treuherzigem Blick, verwirrt ihn. Tonys Humor bringt Jacks kühle Fassade zum Wanken und weckt Gefühle in ihm, die er lange vergraben und vergessen glaubte. Können der Arzt und der Privatdetektiv trotz der trennenden Geheimnisse, die zwischen ihnen liegen, ihren Weg ins Glück finden?
Too Beautiful to Break
by Tessa BaileyThe forced proximity of one wild road trip brings two childhood friends back together in this delightful romantic comedy from the No.1 New York Times bestselling author of Hook, Line & Sinker and It Happened One Summer.A love of a lifetime . . .Leaving Belmont Clarkson is the hardest thing Sage Alexander has ever done. From the moment they met, she knew Belmont was the one, and getting up close and personal with him on his family's epic road trip has taken her desire to a new, even hotter level. But there's no way she can go there - not without revealing secrets that could devastate them both.Losing Sage is not an option. Belmont's heart is hers, has always been hers. He knows she's hiding something from him, but nothing will stand in his way of telling her just how much she means to him. Finding her is easy - saving her from her past could cost him everything.'One of my all-time favourite authors!' Sally Thorne, author of The Hating Game
Too Beautiful to Break
by Tessa BaileyThe forced proximity of one wild road trip brings two childhood friends back together in this delightful romantic comedy from the No.1 New York Times bestselling author of Hook, Line & Sinker and It Happened One Summer.A love of a lifetime . . .Leaving Belmont Clarkson is the hardest thing Sage Alexander has ever done. From the moment they met, she knew Belmont was the one, and getting up close and personal with him on his family's epic road trip has taken her desire to a new, even hotter level. But there's no way she can go there - not without revealing secrets that could devastate them both.Losing Sage is not an option. Belmont's heart is hers, has always been hers. He knows she's hiding something from him, but nothing will stand in his way of telling her just how much she means to him. Finding her is easy - saving her from her past could cost him everything.'One of my all-time favourite authors!' Sally Thorne, author of The Hating Game
Too Far to Walk: A Novel
by John HerseyIs there anywhere a young man so dull he would not sell his soul for experience? In this striking new novel, quite different from anythign he has written before, John Hersey probes deeply, but with rich humor, into the aimlessness, boredom, and rebellion of a group of undergraduates in a New Englad college. In one of his remarkable insights into the problems of our times, he identifies their search for "breakthrough"—intense sensory experience of every kind—with the Faustian pursuit of illusion. John Fist was a talented over-achiever in his first year at Sheldon. But then he suddently lost his drive, his sense of purpose and identity. One of his friends promises him all the extreme experiences of modern life: love, war, orgy, beachcombing, povery, sex, protests (and protests against protests), and total "freedom." First there is Margaret, simple, open, affectionate. But Fist is restless and breaks with her after a marvelously funny and touching night in a motel. Then there is Mona, the bright, high-class whore who somehow knows quite a lot about how professors talk. Fist takes her home to his middle-class parents, and the masquerade turns into one of the most hilarious and yet moving scenes in the book. Even the devastating release of LSD is powerless to help Fist, who finally realizes that identity cannot come to him artificially, through any escape, drug, or indulgence, but must be dredged up from deep within. Thus John Fist becomes a man. And thus ends a rich and moving and distinguished novel about some very real contemporaries.
Too Fast to Fall: Sizzle Too Fast To Fall Alone With You (Jackson Hole)
by Victoria DahlA sexy cop catches the heart of a fast-driving woman in this scorching romantic comedy novella by a USA Today–bestselling author.For Jenny Stone, driving is her escape-from her past, her problems, her quiet life in Jackson Hole. But after Deputy Nate Hendricks stops her—again—for speeding, she could lose more than just her license. She could lose her heart. Nate seems to think that Jenny should replace her love for fast driving with something even more . . . heart pumping. And despite her need for speed, Jenny’s never been one for defying the law.Originally published in the anthology Be Mine.
Too Fat to Fish
by Howard Stern Artie Lange Anthony BozzaOutrageous, raw, and painfully funny true stories straight from the life of the actor, comedian, and much-loved cast member of The Howard Stern Show--with a foreword by Howard Stern.When Artie Lange joined the permanent cast of The Howard Stern Show in 2001, it was possibly the greatest thing ever to happen in the Stern universe, second only to the show's move to the wild, uncensored frontier of satellite radio. Lange provided what Stern had yet to find all in the same place: a wit quick enough to keep pace with his own, a pathetic self-image to dwarf his own, a personal history both heartbreaking and hilarious, and an ingrained sense of self-sabotage that continually keeps things interesting. A natural storyteller with a bottomless pit of material, Lange grew up in a close-knit, working-class Italian family in Union, New Jersey, a maniacal Yankees fan who pursued the two things his father said he was cut out for--sports and comedy. Tragically, Artie Lange Sr. never saw the truth in that prediction: He became a quadriplegic in an accident when Artie was eighteen and died soon after. But as with every trial in his life, from his drug addiction to his obesity to his fights with his mother, Artie mines the humor, pathos, and humanity in these events and turns them into comedy classics. True fans of the Stern Show will find Artie gold in these pages: hilarious tales that couldn't have happened to anyone else. There are stories from his days driving a Jersey cab, working as a longshoreman in Port Newark, and navigating the dark circuit of stand-up comedy. There are outrageous episodes from the frenzied heights of his coked-up days at MADtv, surprisingly moving stories from his childhood, and an account of his recent U.S.O. tour that is equally stirring and irreverent. But also in this volume are stories Artie's never told before, including some that he deemed too revealing for radio. Wild, shocking, and drop-dead hilarious, TOO FAT TO FISH is Artie Lange giving everything he's got to give. And like a true pro, the man never disappoints.
Too Funny for Words: Backstage Tales from Broadway, Television, and the Movies
by Jerry AdlerThis must read is your golden ticket to a trip down memory lane with of one of Hollywood's most iconic actors. . .Who almost turned down his iconic role on The Sopranos because he could not sing? Did Katharine Hepburn really build the Uris building? How did a simple handshake with President Kennedy almost end in disaster? In his debut memoir, Too Funny for Words, Jerry Adler reveals all for the first time! In his career as a theater director, producer, and actor that has spanned over 70 years, Adler has certainly had his fair share of laughs, and is ready to take readers on a reminiscent journey of Hollywood tales past. With numerous stories to tell, each funnier than the last, sit back and enjoy a trip behind the scenes. Including unforgettable stories about: Paul Rudd, Robin Williams, Meryl Streep, Larry David, James Gandolfini, Alan Arkin, Woody Allen, JFK, Marilyn Monroe, Barbra Streisand, Joe Pesci, Paul Reiser, George Clooney, Richard Burton, Richard M. Nixon, Katharine Hepburn, Julie Andrews, Orson Welles, and many, many more!