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Too Soon to Say Goodbye (Thorndike Biography Ser.)
by Art BuchwaldWhen doctors told Art Buchwald that his kidneys were kaput, the renowned humorist declined dialysis and checked into a Washington, D.C., hospice to live out his final days. Months later, "The Man Who Wouldn't Die" was still there, feeling good, holding court in a nonstop "salon" for his family and dozens of famous friends, and confronting things you usually don't talk about before you die; he even jokes about them. Here Buchwald shares not only his remarkable experience--as dozens of old pals from Ethel Kennedy to John Glenn to the Queen of Swaziland join the party--but also his whole wonderful life: his first love, an early brush with death in a foxhole on Eniwetok Atoll, his fourteen champagne years in Paris, fame as a columnist syndicated in hundreds of newspapers, and his incarnation as hospice superstar. Buchwald also shares his sorrows: coping with an absent mother, childhood in a foster home, and separation from his wife, Ann. He plans his funeral (with a priest, a rabbi, and Billy Graham, to cover all the bases) and strategizes how to land a big obituary in The New York Times ("Make sure no head of state or Nobel Prize winner dies on the same day"). He describes how he and a few of his famous friends finagled cut-rate burial plots on Martha's Vineyard and how he acquired a Picasso drawing without really trying. What we have here is a national treasure, the complete Buchwald, uncertain of where the next days or weeks may take him but unfazed by the inevitable, living life to the fullest, with frankness, dignity, and humor. "[Art Buchwald] has given his friends, their families, and his audiences so many laughs and so much joy through the years that that alone would be an enduring legacy. But Art has never been just about the quick laugh. His humor is a road map to essential truths and insights that might otherwise have eluded us." -Tom Brokaw.
Too Soon to Tell
by Calvin TrillinCompiled from his syndicated column and from his pieces in The New Yorker, this whimsical, uproarious collection presents Calvin Trillin's witty take on all the zany people, happenings, and events that have so boldly colored life so far in the 1990s.
Too Weird for Ziggy (Books That Changed the World)
by Sylvie SimmonsThe renowned rock journalist for Rolling Stone and Mojo takes readers into the outrageous netherworld of pop music in this debut collection of short fiction. British rock journalist Sylvie Simmons spent decades covering and interviewing music legends from Stevie Nicks to Frank Zappa; from Muddy Waters to Michael Jackson; and from The Clash to Guns n&’ Roses, and beyond. Now she takes everything she&’s seen, heard, and experienced in the company of these music legends and funnels it all through her vivid imagination. From heavy metal megalomaniacs to country crooners and a brokenhearted punk-pop singer named Pussy, Simmons conjures a cast of larger-than-life characters that ring all too true. In these eighteen interlocking stories, &“Simmons has all the details of record-company politicking, rock-biz noblesse oblige, and backstage ritual down pat&” (Kirkus Reviews).
Too Wild to Tame
by Tessa BaileyOpposites attract in this steamy romantic comedy from the No.1 New York Times bestselling author of Hook, Line & Sinker. A buttoned-up businessman and a gorgeous wild-child . . . what happens when opposites definitely attract?By day, Aaron Clarkson suits up, shakes hands and acts the perfect gentleman. At night, behind bedroom doors, the tie comes off and the real Aaron comes out to play. But he knows that if he wants to work for the country's most powerful senator, he'll have to keep his eye on the prize. That's easier said than done, though, when he meets the senator's daughter. She's wild, gorgeous and 100 per cent trouble. Grace Pendleton is the black sheep of her family. Yet while Aaron's presence reminds her of a past she'd rather forget, something in his eyes keeps drawing her in. Maybe it's the way his voice turns her molten. Or maybe it's because deep down inside, the ultra-smooth, polished Aaron Clarkson might be more than even Grace can handle . . .'One of my all-time favourite authors!' Sally Thorne, author of The Hating Game
Too Wild to Tame
by Tessa BaileyOpposites attract in this steamy romantic comedy from the No.1 New York Times bestselling author of Hook, Line & Sinker. A buttoned-up businessman and a gorgeous wild-child . . . what happens when opposites definitely attract?By day, Aaron Clarkson suits up, shakes hands and acts the perfect gentleman. At night, behind bedroom doors, the tie comes off and the real Aaron comes out to play. But he knows that if he wants to work for the country's most powerful senator, he'll have to keep his eye on the prize. That's easier said than done, though, when he meets the senator's daughter. She's wild, gorgeous and 100 per cent trouble. Grace Pendleton is the black sheep of her family. Yet while Aaron's presence reminds her of a past she'd rather forget, something in his eyes keeps drawing her in. Maybe it's the way his voice turns her molten. Or maybe it's because deep down inside, the ultra-smooth, polished Aaron Clarkson might be more than even Grace can handle . . .'One of my all-time favourite authors!' Sally Thorne, author of The Hating Game
Too Wrong to Be Right: A Novel
by Melonie JohnsonA swoony, slow-burn rom-com, Melonie Johnson's Too Wrong to Be Right features a true romantic on a mission to find her happily ever after. After her latest jerk of a boyfriend dumps her (and ditches her with his pet hedgehog), florist Kat Kowalski is done chasing after Mr. Wrong. With her two best friends moving on to more serious relationships, she’s ready to stop repeating the same mistakes that are leaving her stuck in the single lane. Armed with a list of qualities for her perfect Mr. Right, Kat swears off dating until she finds him.Then in a meet-disaster involving a corpse and a salty cockatoo, she stumbles across Mick O’Sullivan at his family's funeral home. Their immediate chemistry warns Kat to keep things platonic; after all, following her heart never worked out in the past, and this time she’s determined to listen to her head. But can Kat and Mick be just friends? As she gets to know him better, the lines blur, and Kat starts to wonder if she’s gotten it wrong and Mick is exactly who she’s been looking for...
Tools of Engagement: A Novel (Hot And Hammered Series #3)
by Tessa BaileyIn Tessa Bailey’s latest rom-com, two enemies team up to flip a house... and the sparks between them might burn the place down or ignite a passion that neither can ignore! Hair, makeup, clothing, decor... everything in Bethany Castle's world is organized, planned, and styled to perfection. Which is why the homes she designs for her family's real estate business are the most coveted in town. The only thing not perfect? Her track record with men. She's on a dating hiatus and after helping her friends achieve their dreams, Bethany finally has time to focus on her own: flip a house, from framework to furnishings, all by herself. Except her older brother runs the company and refuses to take her seriously. <P><P> When a television producer gets wind of the Castle sibling rivalry, they’re invited on Flip Off, a competition to see who can do the best renovation. Bethany wants bragging rights, but she needs a crew and the only member of her brother's construction team willing to jump ship is Wes Daniels, the new guy in town. His Texas drawl and handsome face got under Bethany's skin on day one, but the last thing she needs is some cocky young cowboy in her way. <P><P> As the race to renovate heats up, Wes and Bethany are forced into close quarters, trading barbs and biting banter as they remodel the ugliest house on the block. It's a labor of love, hate, and everything in between, and soon sparks are flying. But Bethany's perfectly structured life is one kiss away from going up in smoke and she knows falling for a guy like Wes would be a flipping disaster.
Tooner Schooner (Suds In Your Eye Ser. #5)
by Mary LasswellOn a trip to the waterfront, Mrs. Feeley, Mrs. Rasmussen, and Miss Tinkham befriend the kindhearted, if somewhat gruff, Captain Dowdy. When he takes them up on their invitation for dinner that evening, he brings the bad news that his crew has been locked up and he's clueless about what to do for his big charter the following day. Of course Mrs. Feeley and friends can't leave him in need. But little do they know they're sailing into a tangled web of romance and conspiracy full of scheming villains and even a princess! Mary Lasswell's fifth book of exploits to feature Mrs. Feeley and company is brimming with fun, adventure, and an inspirational passion for life. This feel-good book is bound to make some waves, so be sure to read it schooner rather than later.
The Toot Fairy
by Mark Huffman“Sorry, Walter the Farting Dog. I think it’s fair to say that this is probably the best picture book about toots I’ve ever read.” —A Fuse #8 Production, School Library JournalWhen it’s time for Jessa the fairy to proclaim what kind of fairy she wants to be, she accidentally says “toot” instead of “tooth!” Now she’ll be in charge of finding all the toots from all the bottoms in the world. This is not exactly what she had in mind . . .Read by the author! Play on any Kindle device with color and audio support, including Kindle Fire, Kindle for PC or the Kindle app for iOS.“A good giggle. In this day and age, it’s fun to read something so . . . ‘refreshing!’” —Craig Smith, award-winning, international bestselling author of The Wonky Donkey“Wish I had thought of it first!” —Adam Rex, author/illustrator of On Account of the Gum
The Tooth Fairy vs. the Easter Bunny
by Jamie L.B. DeenihanThe Tooth Fairy and the Easter Bunny go head-to-head in this silly picture book perfect for anyone who's ever lost a tooth or found an Easter egg!After going head-to-head with Santa on Christmas Eve, Blue completed his mission to collect a child's lost tooth, earning him his Tooth Fairy Badge. Now that he's officially a Tooth Fairy, he's on his way to that child's house once again. But when he gets there this time, he runs into the Easter Bunny--who makes it clear that he works alone. Can Blue convince the rude rabbit to let him stay, or will he be forced to hop out in a hurry?
The Tooth Fairy's Royal Visit (Tooth Fairy #2)
by Peter BentlyThe Tooth Fairy meets the Royal Family in this hilarious rhyming sequel to The Tooth Fairy's Christmas from Roald Dahl Funny Prize winner Peter Bently and Garry Parsons, bestselling illustrator of The Dinosaur That Pooped Christmas.The prince has lost his first tooth! He's asleep in his bedroom in the palace ... but the palace is enormous! Will the Tooth Fairy ever find him? And meanwhile can she help find another set of important royal teeth that have gone missing?!Praise for The Tooth Fairy's Christmas:'Garry Parsons does the both characters proud with his swirling, atmospheric illustrations.' - Independent'Lots of fun for young children' - Angels and Urchins
Tooth Imprints On a Corn Dog
by Mark LeynerA fiendishly innovative young writer ups the ante on his cult classics Et Tu, Babe and My Cousin, My Gastroenterologist with a book so funny that it ought to be a controlled substance. "With his pumped-up prose and steroidal satire . . . You could call him the Quentin Tarantino of cult fiction."--Newsweek. (From the Trade Paperback edition.)
The Top 10 As We Hit Bottom: What Global Warming, Nuclear War, Cyberwar, Pandemics, Supervolcanoes, Asteroid Strikes, Out-of-Control A.I., and Other Unpleasantries Could Do to Us.
by Jim ParryFrom best-selling author and illustrator Ron Barrett, who forecasted the weather in the classic picture book, Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs, now predicts how—thanks to climate change and other unpleasantries—the world will end! With research and really scary text by Jim Parry, The Top Ten As We Hit Bottom is a darkly humorous collection of &“Top Ten&” lists that highlights the predicament global warming and other impending catastrophes have put us into. Though some might call these lists &“fake news&” (we&’re looking at you, Donald), these lists are compiled and culled from the world's most credible authorities like NASA, the UN, and the Union of Concerned Scientists. But coupled with darkly humorous illustrations, you&’ll be laughing your way all the way down in our race toward the bottom! Here are some Top 10 lists to whet your appetite for Earth&’s impending doom: &“Top 10 species we&’ll lose to climate change&”&“Top 10 avalanches mostly caused by global warming&”&“Top 10 climate change deniers&”&“Top 10 times we almost had a nuclear war,&”&“Top 10 things that will happen when the Yellowstone Supervolcano erupts,&”&“Top 10 ways to try to stop an asteroid,&”&“Top 10 signs that the earth is about to be swallowed by a black hole,&”&“Top 10 ways a particle accelerator mishap could destroy the world,&”&“Top 10 end-of-world cults you can join now.&”And many more!
Top 10 for Men: Over 250 lists that matter (Top 10)
by Brendan Mcginley Brian Cullen Russell AshIt's a fact that men love lists: with lists, men can find the most interesting information with the least amount of effort. This book contains over 250 lists covering the most important subjects in life - cars, sports, barbecues, gadgets - and answers the most vital questions: Are Ferraris faster than Lamborghinis? What's the most common murder weapon? Who was the fattest Prime Minister? Which city has the highest proportion of women to men? What's the most alcholic beer in the world?No matter what your chosen subject may be, Top 10 for Men is a must for every pub-trivia king.
Top 10 of Britain: 250 quintessentially British lists (Top 10)
by Russell AshFrom the bestselling author of "Hamlyn's Top 10 of Everything" series comes a special collection of 250 unique lists that observe of the idiosyncrasies of our Isles and encompass everything British. Discover hundreds of essential, intriguing and bizarre facts about your country's most iconic subjects, including: the 10 most produced plays by Shakespeare; 10 defunct British national holidays; the 10 longest seaside piers; the 10 lowest-scoring UK Eurovision entries; the 10 latest winners of the World Conker Championships; the 10 first performed Gilbert & Sullivan operas; the Top 10 singles of all time banned by the BBC; 10 unusual British laws; the Top 10 Tesco's lines; the 10 latest winners of the Pub of the Year award ...plus 240 other fascinating lists in this at-a-glance guide to what makes Britain great.
The Top 10 Ways to Ruin the First Day of 5th Grade
by Ken DerbyFifth-grader Anthony Madison, a.k.a. Tony Baloney, can't get enough of the Late Show with David Letterman. He loves the jokes, the silly routines, and most of all the top ten lists Dave features night after night; and Tony will stop at nothing to get himself on the program. He's even devising his own repertoire of Stupid Human Tricks and top ten lists (such as "The Top 10 Ways to Ruin the First Day of 5th Grade, #1: Get your foot stuck in a toilet in the boys' rest room and have to be rescued by the 911 guys") sure to put him next in line as Dave's replacement. But to get all the way from Kansas to the big time in New York City, he will have to pull out all the stops. With his own brand of top ten lists, and stunts that range from photocopying his hinder to taking to the field in a bear suit at a professional football game, Tony Baloney takes his friends. family, and readers on an uproarious and wild ride to remember. From The Top 10 Ways to Ruin Day of 5th "We shouldn't be doing this," Mo said. "It's the first day of school." "You worry too much," said Tony. He faced the wall, climbed up on a toilet, and stood on the edge of the open bowl with his feet spread apart. Then he pulled a jump rope out of his back pocket. "What are you going to do with that?" asked Mo. "I'm going to flush and jump," Tony proudly said. "Nobody's ever jumped rope on an open flushing toilet before!" "That's stupid," said Mo. "Exactly," said Tony. . . . "Stupid human tricks. . . . You know. Like on the Late Show with David Letterman. . . ." Tony flushed the toilet and then swung the rope over his head. His first jump was perfect. His feet landed squarely on the seat of the toilet. Jumps two and three were pretty good. Jump number four was not. . . . His right foot missed the seat and plunged into the toilet. . . . Tony dropped the jump rope. . . . "My foot is stuck. . . . Mr. Gore is going to kill us. . . ." Tony flushed and Mo pulled. . . . Nothing happened-except that water filled the toilet and spilled onto the floor. "We're dead now," said Mo.
Top 5: Lists of Jewish Character and Characters
by Dovid BashevkinTop 5: Lists of Jewish Character and Characters A collection of Dovid Bashevkin's beloved columns in Mishpacha Magazine that highlight the comedic idiosyncrasies and nuances of Jewish life. In these pages, you'll discover your favorite characters from shul, the subtle dilemmas of Jewish life, and the joy and fun throughout the Jewish calendar. A new appreciation for Yiddishkeit is just a Top 5 list away. DOVID BASHEVKIN is the director of education for NCSY, the youth movement of the Orthodox Union. He has written several scholarly works about failure in Jewish thought. This is his first published work of narishkeit. When Dovid isn't writing about failure, he's trying to laugh about it. Dovid has been rejected from many prestigious fellowships and awards.
Top Elf
by Caleb HuettThese elves are off the shelves. Ollie and Celia think they know what the life of an elf is supposed to be like: Make toys. Help Santa. Make more toys. Help Santa. Try out a new ice-cream flavor. Help Santa. But then Santa rocks the North Pole with a surprise announcement! He's decided this is going to be his last year in the Big Red Suit--and instead of letting his oldest son, the unfortunately named Klaus Claus, take over, he's opening up the job to any kid who wants to apply--Claus or elf. The Santa Trials have begun! Ollie and Celia enter the contest, having no idea whatsoever that they'll soon have to squeeze through impossible chimneys, race runaway sleighs, sweet-talk a squad of rowdy reindeer, and consume cruel amounts of cookies and milk. It's both an adventure and a survival test, far beyond what any elf or Claus has been asked to do before. But whoever rises to the top will get a reward even bigger than Christmas . . .
Top Gear: The Alternative Highway Code
by Ministry of Top GearAs everyone knows, there are three ways of doing things. The right way, the wrong way and the Top Gear way. Although, on reflection, that's usually just the wrong way, but faster and with more shouting. Anyway, the good news is that this third way of doing things can be applied to almost anything, and that includes motoring in general. All you need is the right guidance, which is where the brand new Top Gear Alternative Highway Code comes in. Top Gear's Altnernative Highway Code will show you how to bring the ambitious but rubbish philosophies of the world's most popular TV programme to your driving, containing advice on general motoring, as well as specific tips on how to deal with common eventualities like a rapidly sinking amphibious camper van, a caravan airship that's just crashed into a small bush, or a stupid home-made limousine that's snapped in half while transporting a top celebrity to an awards ceremony.Road users should not leave home without it.
Top Gear: Motor Mania
by Ivan Berg Nik BergDid you know that Jasons and Tracies crash more cars than Jacquelines and Damons? Or that a boomerang can be used to repair a knackered clutch? Have you ever wanted to visit a naked car show, wondered what it's like to drive on the world's most dangerous road, or receive the world's most expensive speeding ticket?Want to read about flying cars, amphibious cars, or atomic cars? What about the Accord that can actually strike a chord, or the love car park? Dip inside to find all these plus stacks of other stuff, including cars in films, cars on TV, cars in songs - even cars as coffins.Top Gear: Motor Mania is a car book like no other. It's full of the strangest stories, fascinating facts and spectacular stats - a must for any car nut.
Top Gear: My Dad Had One of Those
by Giles Chapman Richard PorterGood old Dad and his good old Dad's car. As solid and dependable as the man himself, if a little less balding, Dad's car was almost a member of the family, whisking you to exciting days out, or just to visit boring relatives in distant parts of the country to the chant of 'are we nearly there yet?' Like the man behind the wheel, Dad's car made you feel safe and secure, because it was as reassuring and sensible as he was. Maybe in an idle moment Dad dreamt of driving something rakish and fast, just like in idle moments he dreamt that your Mum was Twiggy, but the demands of family life meant soft tops, hard suspension and anything even remotely sporty were off the cards. Even anything less than four doors would have been wildly hedonistic. But although the family car may not have been the very essence of rock 'n' roll, Dad was proud of it. Spanning the 1950s to the '80s, this is a celebration of the heyday of the Dad car. From much loved family workhorses like the Ford Cortina and Vauxhall Viva to the rakish excitement and playground kudos of the Rover 3500 and Citroen CX, all the great Dad cars are here. Reflecting a time before people carriers and lifestyle off roaders, when the nearest thing to an airbag was hiding behind your fat brother, this is a celebration of simple, honest cars that were as flawed and as loveable as your Dad himself.
Top Marks for Murder (A Murder Most Unladylike Mystery)
by Robin StevensDaisy and Hazel return to their beloved Deepdean School for Girls only for a murder to put the school under threat of closure in this gripping eighth novel of the Murder Most Unladylike series.Daisy and Hazel are finally back at Deepdean, and the school is preparing for a most exciting fiftieth anniversary celebration. Plans for a weekend of festivities are in full swing. But in the detectives&’ long absence, Deepdean has changed. Daisy has lost her popularity crown to a fascinating new girl, and many of the Detective Society&’s old allies are now their sworn enemies. Then the girls witness a shocking incident in the woods close by—a crime that they&’re sure is linked to the anniversary. As parents and alumni descend upon Deepdean, decades-old grudges, rivalries, and secrets begin to surface, and soon Deepdean&’s future is at stake. Can the girls solve the case and save their home?
Top Secret Smackdown (Mac B., Kid Spy #3)
by Mac BarnettMac B. is back on another madcap adventure -- this time a stolen raven threatens to topple the Queen and it's up to Mac to smackdown his KGB rival once and for all!Get the latest in the New York Times bestselling series, MAC B., KID SPY!Ravens have been stolen from the Tower of London! Mac B.'s top-secret mission? Travel to Iceland and retrieve the ravens... or Britain is ruined!In Iceland, Mac discovers secret submarines, hungry polar bears, mysterious blueprints... and his old archnemesis! Is the KGB man behind this birdnapping? Can Mac get the ravens to safety? It's time for an epic, top-secret smackdown between these two secret agents! With full-color illustrations on every page and fascinating historical facts woven throughout, this series offers adventure, intrigue, absurdity, history, and humor. Catch the latest in the totally smart and sidesplittingly funny series, Mac B., Kid Spy.
Top Secret Twenty-One: A Stephanie Plum Novel (Stephanie Plum #21)
by Janet EvanovichCatch a professional assassin: top priority. Find a failure-to-appear and collect big bucks: top score. How she’ll pull it all off: top secret. <p><p>Trenton, New Jersey’s favorite used-car dealer, Jimmy Poletti, was caught selling a lot more than used cars out of his dealerships. Now he’s out on bail and has missed his date in court, and bounty hunter Stephanie Plum is looking to bring him in. Leads are quickly turning into dead ends, and all too frequently into dead bodies. Even Joe Morelli, the city’s hottest cop, is struggling to find a clue to the suspected killer’s whereabouts. These are desperate times, and they call for desperate measures. So Stephanie is going to have to do something she really doesn’t want to do: protect former hospital security guard and general pain in her behind Randy Briggs. Briggs was picking up quick cash as Poletti’s bookkeeper and knows all his boss’s dirty secrets. Now Briggs is next on Poletti’s list of people to put six feet under. <p><p>To top things off, Ranger—resident security expert and Stephanie’s greatest temptation—has been the target of an assassination plot. He’s dodged the bullet this time, but if Ranger wants to survive the next attempt on his life, he’ll have to enlist Stephanie’s help and reveal a bit more of his mysterious past. <p><p>Death threats, highly trained assassins, highly untrained assassins, and Stark Street being overrun by a pack of feral Chihuahuas are all in a day’s work for Stephanie Plum. The real challenge is dealing with her Grandma Mazur’s wild bucket list. A boob job and getting revenge on Joe Morelli’s Grandma Bella can barely hold a candle to what’s number one on the list—but that’s top secret.
Top Tips for Life
by David HarrisLife doesn’t come with an instruction manual. But if it did, and if that manual was cobbled together in five minutes by a drunken idiot-genius, then it might look something like these crowd-sourced tips and ill-thought-out ideas. Covering everything from how best to turn your cat into a fearsome stegosaurus to pre-empting jellyfish stings, this book presents the wealth of knowledge gleaned from the dusty vaults of twitter’s hugely popular @TwopTwips. From the profane to the ridiculous, these laugh-at-loud nuggets of advice, with absurd and informative illustrations, will change your life in a hugely insignificant way.Tips include:BORED of a friend's text messages? Reply with 'unsubscribe' and they'll get the hint.SPICE up a boring salad by replacing the vegetables with bacon and placing between two slices of bread.STOP your dog from pulling on its lead by walking a bit faster.PREPARE your children for office life by acting awkwardly around them in the kitchen.AVOID the hassle and expense of hair straighteners by not eating your crusts.