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The Unsuitable: A Novel
by Molly PohligMolly Pohlig's The Unsuitable is a fierce blend of Gothic ghost story and Victorian novel of manners that’s also pitch perfect for our current cultural moment.Iseult Wince is a Victorian woman perilously close to spinsterhood whose distinctly unpleasant father is trying to marry her off. She is awkward, plain, and most pertinently, believes that her mother, who died in childbirth, lives in the scar on her neck. Iseult’s father parades a host of unsuitable candidates before her, the majority of whom Iseult wastes no time frightening away. When at last her father finds a suitor desperate enough to take Iseult off his hands—a man whose medical treatments have turned his skin silver—a true comedy of errors ensues.As history’s least conventional courtship progresses into talk of marriage, Iseult’s mother becomes increasingly volatile and uncontrollable, and Iseult is forced to resort to extreme, often violent, measures to keep her in check. As the day of the wedding nears, Iseult must decide whether (and how) to set the course of her life, with increasing interference from both her mother and father, tipping her ever closer to madness, and to an inevitable, devastating final act.
The Untamed Scoundrel (Epic Tales from Adventure Time)
by Christopher Houghton T. T. MacdangereuseAdventure Time is Cartoon Network's top original animated series.<P> When Sir Jacobus Gooddog meets Lady Rainicorn at a ball, he and his loyal manservant must set sail to rescue her from an evil witch so that he and Lady Rainicorn can be married.<P> Based on an idea from Adventure Time creator Pendleton Ward comes a series of epic fiction inspired by classic pulp adventure stories (with just a touch of romance novels) set in a fan-fiction version of Ooo and featuring original, off the wall stories staring the series most popular couples such as Jake & Lady Rainicorn and Fionna & Marshall Lee.
The Unteachables
by Gordon KormanA hilarious new middle grade novel from beloved and bestselling author Gordan Korman about what happens when the worst class of kids in school is paired with the worst teacher—perfect for fans of Ms. Bixby’s Last Day. <P><P>The Unteachables are a notorious class of misfits, delinquents, and academic train wrecks. Like Aldo, with anger management issues; Parker, who can’t read; Kiana, who doesn’t even belong in the class—or any class; and Elaine (rhymes with pain). The Unteachables have been removed from the student body and isolated in room 117. <P><P>Their teacher is Mr. Zachary Kermit, the most burned-out teacher in all of Greenwich. He was once a rising star, but his career was shattered by a cheating scandal that still haunts him. After years of phoning it in, he is finally one year away from early retirement. <P><P>But the superintendent has his own plans to torpedo that idea—and it involves assigning Mr. Kermit to the Unteachables. <P><P>The Unteachables never thought they’d find a teacher who had a worse attitude than they did. And Mr. Kermit never thought he would actually care about teaching again. Over the course of a school year, though, room 117 will experience mayhem, destruction—and maybe even a shot at redemption.
The Unwanted Conti Bride: The Billionaire's Ruthless Affair Moretti's Marriage Command The Unwanted Conti Bride The Flaw In Raffaele's Revenge (The Legendary Conti Brothers)
by Tara Pammi"I want to marry you." If Sophia Rossi wants to save her father's business, then merging the Rossi and Conti empires is the only way. Luca Conti broke her heart once before, but this time Sophia's in the driver's seat. Except Luca can still make her body tremble with just a look! Luca has spent years cultivating his Conti Devil reputation to mask the darkness he inherited from his father, a facade that Sophia should be all too familiar with. Still, the shrewd businessman can see the benefits of her proposal... He might not want her as his bride, but he'll enjoy having her in his bed!
The Unwelcome Surprise
by Olga HerreraPerfect for fans of Something's Wrong! and Can I Be Your Dog?, The Unwelcome Surprise is a charming new baby story full of debut author-illustrator Olga Herrera's incredibly humorous art, and that explores the fears and joys that come with change. Every morning, Bongo walks downstairs to get his food, passing his dried-up potted plant, his old stained chair, and his stinky stained carpet. Until one morning...something is different! Something monstrous is in his way! Bongo is beside himself with worry; will it take his walks? What if it eats his food? Or even worse...what if it takes his family?!
The Upper Case: Trouble in Capital City (Private I)
by Tara LazarJust when Private I thinks all is calm-now that he's cracked the case of 7 Ate 9-Question Mark storms into the office.Mark is worried. All the uppercase letters are M-I-S-S-I-N-G! But that's absurd. This is CAPITAL City!Private I is the last letter standing. Will he solve his BIGGEST mystery yet, the UPPER CASE, before it's too late?!Filled with the same humor, wit, and quirkiness of the hit 7 Ate 9: The Untold Story, comes another laugh-out-loud whodunit.
The Upside of Over
by J. D. BarrettWhat happens when one of the country's most popular identities goes from reading the news to being the news? Olivia Law had always been the good girl. Great grades, perfect career, husband, house and hairdo. She'd learnt image was everything so she refused to look below the surface of her life. When not at work her minutes were filled with causes, chairing boards and dining at fabulous restaurants with her equally fabulous husband, David. She kept up the Botox, blow-dries and worked hard. It wasn't enough, but whenever doubt crept in she'd head to a pilates class or plan a renovation on her trophy house. Then she turned 45. Olivia wasn't prepared for David to leave. The fact that they hadn't had sex for two years should have triggered warning bells ... it didn't.In an attempt to fix her broken marriage Olivia exposed herself like never before. But when her confession goes viral, the husband, house and job disappear. The woman who once offered glamorous reassurance and a steady gaze is labelled a princess of perversion. Humiliated, defeated, facing fifty shades of failure, she's left wondering who the hell she really is? Stripped bare, she abandons perfection ... and something remarkable happens. Olivia Law just might get her sass back (and this time, it's the real thing). The brilliant new novel from J.D. Barrett about break ups, breakdowns and break throughs. Batteries not included.
The Upside of Over
by J. D. BarrettWhat happens when one of the country's most popular identities goes from reading the news to being the news? Olivia Law had always been the good girl. Great grades, perfect career, husband, house and hairdo. She'd learnt image was everything so she refused to look below the surface of her life. When not at work her minutes were filled with causes, chairing boards and dining at fabulous restaurants with her equally fabulous husband, David. She kept up the Botox, blow-dries and worked hard. It wasn't enough, but whenever doubt crept in she'd head to a pilates class or plan a renovation on her trophy house. Then she turned 45. Olivia wasn't prepared for David to leave. The fact that they hadn't had sex for two years should have triggered warning bells ... it didn't.In an attempt to fix her broken marriage Olivia exposed herself like never before. But when her confession goes viral, the husband, house and job disappear. The woman who once offered glamorous reassurance and a steady gaze is labelled a princess of perversion. Humiliated, defeated, facing fifty shades of failure, she's left wondering who the hell she really is? Stripped bare, she abandons perfection ... and something remarkable happens. Olivia Law just might get her sass back (and this time, it's the real thing). The brilliant new novel from J.D. Barrett about break ups, breakdowns and break throughs. Batteries not included.
The Upside-Down Fish
by Laura Matine Kate LouiseUpside-Down Fish lives in a big tank at a pet store filled with lots of other fish. The other fish in the tank swim the right way up though, and they don’t understand why Upside-Down Fish is so different. This makes him very lonely. One day, a child comes into the store and chooses Upside-Down Fish as a pet. He is anxious that he won’t be accepted in his new tank, but much to his surprise, the new fish are friendly! They love that he is different and want to know what it’s like to have the sky below and the ground above. Upside-Down Fish realizes that it’s okay to be different-it’s what makes him so special.Kate Louise and Laura Matine’s The Upside-Down Fish is about being yourself and finding happiness with people who accept you for who you are. Inspired by the author’s own upside-down fish, this is a book for any child who feels a little different and needs that extra boost of confidence.Sky Pony Press, with our Good Books, Racehorse and Arcade imprints, is proud to publish a broad range of books for young readers-picture books for small children, chapter books, books for middle grade readers, and novels for young adults. Our list includes bestsellers for children who love to play Minecraft; stories told with LEGO bricks; books that teach lessons about tolerance, patience, and the environment, and much more. While not every title we publish becomes a New York Times bestseller or a national bestseller, we are committed to books on subjects that are sometimes overlooked and to authors whose work might not otherwise find a home.
The Uptown Collection (Uptown)
by Ruby LangLove, real estate and adulting in three contemporary romance novellas from critically acclaimed author Ruby Lang. Available together for the first time. A fake relationship becomes a little too real…A heated rivalry blurs into love…A temporary reunion might not be so temporary…Set against the vibrant backdrop of Harlem, these charming, irresistible stories look at the many different ways couples find each other and what it means to fall in love.Included in this 3-in-1 are:Playing HouseOpen HouseHouse RulesOne-click with confidence. This title is part of the Carina Press Romance Promise: all the romance you’re looking for with an HEA/HFN. It’s a promise!
The Usual Desire to Kill
by Camilla Barnes&‘Hilarious and heartbreaking&’ MONICA ALI 'Deeply funny and knowing' MEG WOLITZER 'Witty, moving' ANN NAPOLITANO 'Poignant, funny and brilliantly told' POSY SIMMONDSAn often hilarious, surprisingly moving portrait of a long-married couple, seen through the eyes of their wickedly observant daughter – for fans of A Man Called Ove and The Royal Tenenbaums. Miranda&’s parents live in a dilapidated house in rural France that they share with two llamas, eight ducks, five chickens, two cats, and a freezer full of food dating back to 1983. Miranda&’s father is a retired professor of philosophy who never loses an argument. Her mother likes to bring conversation back to the War, although she was born after it ended. Married for fifty years, they are uncommonly set in their ways. Miranda plays the role of translator when she visits, communicating the desires or complaints of one parent to the other and then venting her frustration to her sister and her daughter. A wry, propulsive, exquisitely observed story of a singularly eccentric family and the sibling rivalry, generational divides, and long-buried secrets that shape them. This is an extraordinary debut novel from a seasoned playwright with a flare for dialogue and, in the end, immense empathy. ______________________________________________________________________________________________________________ &‘Hilarious and heartbreaking. Barnes&’s dialogue is pitch-perfect, and her characters dance off the page and straight into your heart&’ Monica Ali, author of Love Marriage &‘Camilla Barnes deftly deciphers the secret language of one family, often with deeply funny and knowing results. I loved spending time in the very specific, complicated and memorable world of this novel&’ Meg Wolitzer, author of The Wife &‘I love nothing more than reading about eccentric families, and the family in The Usual Desire to Kill is just that. Miranda and her sister work to uncover the true story of their parents' marriage, only to have their brilliant, quirky mother and father deflect them at every turn. Barnes has written a witty, moving novel about characters who, even when they seem incapable of speaking honestly, are worth listening to nonetheless&’ Ann Napolitano, author of Hello Beautiful &‘An account of two ageing, secretive, disputatious and thoroughly maddening parents – poignant, funny and brilliantly told through gritted teeth&’ Posy Simmonds, author of Cassandra DarkeEARLY READERS' REVIEWS FOR THE USUAL DESIRE TO KILL: &‘Family saga at its very best told with a tenderness that matches the dark humour in equal parts. I think this a book a lot of people will identify with&’ &‘Hugely relatable. Endearingly flawed characters with real depth and an insightful understanding of the ways in which family dynamics play out&’ &‘A unique yet weirdly relatable family saga&’ &‘Funny, honest, and engaging&’ &‘An observant and darkly witty debut&’
The Usual Family Mayhem: A Novel
by HelenKay DimonRevenge is a dish best served cold—especially when it comes in the form of one of Grandma’s “special” pies. Get the best of family hijinks, girl power, and hilariously justifiable crime in the latest novel from award-winning author HelenKay Dimon.Kasey Nottingham needs a splashy idea at her company where they find and develop the next big thing for investors—her job depends on it. Impulsively, she pitches Mags’ Desserts, a beloved small-town business run by her grandma Mags and live-in “best friend” Celia, two women who overcame deadbeat husbands and financial ruin to build a word-of-mouth clientele. Kasey expects her boss to say no. Instead, he sends her home to North Carolina to land the deal…and now she has a problem.Mags and Celia aren’t interested, which isn’t a surprise, but something else is going on in their kitchen. Locked cabinets. Cryptic conversations. Unexpected notations on business records. The ladies have secrets and whatever they’re hiding is big. As reports of mysterious deaths of abusive men in the area surface—all in households that recently received a delivery from Mags’ Desserts—Kasey worries Gram and Celia have gone into the poison pie business.As investors start circling, Kasey enlists Jackson Quaid, Celia’s nephew and Kasey’s long-time crush, as her reluctant investigation assistant. Jackson is practical. Kasey has a wild imagination. Together, they dodge Kasey’s boss and gather intel. And kiss. Lots of kissing, though probably not the best idea to start an unexpected romance. Doing it while keeping two feisty ladies from going to jail for knocking off bad husbands—even if those husbands deserve it—might be impossible…but Kasey never shied away from a challenge.
The Va Dinci Cod
by Adam RobertsSomething fishy is going on in the world of artistic scholarship. How can there possibly be a link between the hidden cod of Leonardo Da Vinci's paintings and the over fishing of the North Atlantic fish stocks? Could it be that Leonardo Da Vinci, the greatest genius of his age and inventor of the photocopier and mouse mat, had a chilling insight into European Union Fishing policies.Only one man can find out. Robert Hangdog, international scholar, master spy and action hero. Oh and Bezu Fish.
The Va Dinci Cod
by Adam RobertsSomething fishy is going on in the world of artistic scholarship. How can there possibly be a link between the hidden cod of Leonardo Da Vinci's paintings and the over fishing of the North Atlantic fish stocks? Could it be that Leonardo Da Vinci, the greatest genius of his age and inventor of the photocopier and mouse mat, had a chilling insight into European Union Fishing policies.Only one man can find out. Robert Hangdog, international scholar, master spy and action hero. Oh and Bezu Fish.
The Vale of Laughter: A Novel
by Peter De VriesA brilliant, fiercely funny novel that ponders the eternal question: is it better to laugh or cry? Joe Sandwich is a clown. Not literally, but what else do you call an eleven-year-old who goes to church to confess his good deeds: &“I did my homework without being told&”? A stockbroker who gets seasick watching the market tape and claims the gross national product is &“deodorants&”? A father who mows curse words into his lawn and names his son Hamilton because, well, who can resist a Ham Sandwich? Prankster, punster, cut-up, card—Joe needs to crack wise about everything. Has he figured out the secret to embracing the inherent absurdity of life, or is there some terrible anxiety at the root of his compulsion? Lots of people want to know, including his wife, Naughty, who is anything but; his mistress, Gloria Bunshaft; and her husband, Wally Hines, a humorless professor who specializes is the philosophy of humor. &“If you look back,&” says Joe, &“you turn into a pillar of salt. If you look ahead, you turn into a pillar of society.&” He prefers to live in the moment, from one gag to the next, but the joke he doesn&’t see coming may get the biggest laugh of all.
The Valentine Affair!
by Mary LyonsSex, lies and Valentines!Alexandra Pemberton had promised her newspaper a Valentine exclusive: the story of Leo Hamilton's whirlwind engagement to Fiona Bliss. By fair means or foul-and more likely foul!-Fiona had succeeded where many had failed, and got the world's most determined bachelor at least halfway to the altar!Alex was impressed! She was also-she had to admit-jealous as hell! Eight years ago Leo had almost seduced Alex-almost. It had never been enough. And dogging Leo's all-too-attractive heels, Alex realized that she wanted Leo as an exclusive, all right-exclusively hers!Mary Lyons writes sharp, sophisticated and sexy stories that will leave you chuckling and breathless for more!
The Valentine's Hate: A Novel
by Sidney HalstonA delightful enemy to lovers/fake engagement rom-com themed around Valentine’s Day! Jennifer Lopez’s new movie Marry Me meets Erin Sterling’s holiday themed The Ex Hex.Cupid only strikes once. At least that’s what Lissette Alonso believes. Ever since the Most Disastrous Valentine’s Day of All Time™ she has hated all things V-day. But Lizzie’s best friend is having pre-nuptial festivities for a week leading up to her February 14th wedding and Lissette is taking her maid of honor duties seriously, maybe too seriously. Of course of course of course who is the first person she runs into on the way to the wedding? None other than her childhood nemesis, Brian Anderson, the reason for all of her Valentine’s Day hatred.Brian knows he messed up with Lizzie but give him a break, he was just a kid who was trying to look cool and Lizzie regularly pushed all of his buttons—both in school and out of it. He’s always been gruff and grumpy, but these days, Brian is much better off with his writing; fictional characters never talk back. Unlike Lizzie who always has something to say. Suddenly the two are back under the same roof and bickering like old times, except that Brian has bigger problems than dealing with Lizzie’s verbal sparring. Someone Brian is desperate to avoid shows up and somehow Lizzie gets roped into pretending to be dating him. And, suddenly, the simmering anger has blossomed into something extra spicy…
The Valiant Little Tailor: A Novel (The Margellos World Republic of Letters)
by Eric ChevillardThe classic Grimms' fairy tale of the valiant little tailor, as you&’ve never read it before Once upon a time, there lived a valiant little tailor who killed seven flies with one blow—but who is this narrator who has abruptly inserted himself into the story, claiming authorship? He&’s indignant: the fairy tale, borne carelessly along by the popular imagination, subjected to the transformations of oral tradition, was collected in a lamentable state by the Brothers Grimm, and he intends to restore the tale and its giant-slaying, unicorn-fighting, boar-hunting star to their original magnificence. But the true hero of the story remains to be seen: Is it the tailor, the narrator, or someone else entirely? In this explosive retelling of the classic tale, Éric Chevillard enlists the reader in a dizzying game of crack-the-whip, with new directions and delights in every paragraph. At once irreverent and deeply sincere, this book is a mischievous, multifarious celebration of the power of stories and those who tell them.
The Valtieri Baby
by Caroline AndersonWedding planner Anita della Rossa is an expert in arranging happy-ever-afters-except her own, that is. Five years ago her childhood sweetheart Giovanni Valtieri ended their relationship abruptly, keeping his reasons as secret as the love he still feels for Anita.When Gio and Anita find themselves alone in a Tuscan hideaway, familiar passion rises to the surface once more. Gio is still struggling to open his heart...but with Anita's baby bombshell ringing in his ears can this brooding Italian finally make all Anita's dreams come true?
The Vampire Combat Manual
by Roger MaWHEN DARKNESS FALLS... WHEN THE UNDEAD RISE WITH A HUNGER FOR BLOOD... WHEN THE HUNT IS ON--AND YOU ARE THE PREY... WILL YOU BE READY? In the inevitable event of a vampire attack, the average citizen will be forced to engage in vicious hand-to-hand combat. To avoid serious injury, disfigurement, or death by exsanguination, you need to know the proper combat strategies and techniques to ward off a stronger, faster, more agile undead opponent looking to drain the life from your body. Are you prepared? With detailed illustrations and firsthand accounts from vampire combat veterans--as well as interviews with actual members of the undead--this manual provides you with the information you need to survive with your life and blood supply intact, including: * Debunking myths, i.e.: vampire flight, animal metamorphosis, physical attraction to humans * Crafting the most lethal vampire weapons from everyday materials * The pros--and cons--of decapitation * Weaponizing Ultraviolet (UV) light against an undead opponent * Using the Domicile Histodiscordant Reaction (DHR), otherwise known as "The Vampire Invitation," to your advantage * Solo attacks, team-based combat, and much more... The Vampire Combat Manual is your indispensable key to survival, whether in a one-on-one battle for blood or a face-off against multiple attackers. Don't wait until the sun goes down--prepare yourself now!
The Vampire Survival Guide: How to Fight, and Win, Against the Undead (Zen of Zombie Series)
by Scott BowenVampires have walked among us for thousands of years. These reanimated corpses survive by draining and consuming the blood of the living, and their threat to humanity cannot be ignored. Throughout the centuries, professors and peasants have offered their own vampire-fighting tips, but these were often old wives' tales, based more on superstition than on fact. Here, for the first time, is a comprehensive vampire-fighting guide for the twenty-first century. In the tradition of bestsellers like The Zombie Survival Guide and The Zen of Zombie, The Vampire Survival Guide covers everything you need to know to protect yourself from vampires. Topics include the habits and routines of vampires, how to tell if somebody you know has become a vampire, how to protect yourself from attack, how to set traps, what to do if you must fight off multiple vampires, how to cleanse an entire town after devastating vampiric attacks, and much more. It confronts head-on the most terrifying situation of all-that of being bitten by a vampire-by providing the reader with numerous approaches, rooted in both science and medicine and religion, for fighting off blood-suckers before it is too late. Vampires are found in every country in the world-not just in Eastern Europe and Sunnydale, California. With the human population expected to reach over 9 billion by the year 2050, confrontations between men, women, children, and vampires are increasingly inevitable. This guide is the human race's best hope.
The Vanishing Pumpkin
by Tony JohnstonA classic Halloween story about a pumpkin gone missing is certain to delight readers of all ages!When a 700-year-old woman and an 800-year-old man want to make pumpkin pie on Halloween, they can&’t find their pumpkin. &“Our pumpkin&’s been snitched,&” cries the woman. And off they go to find it. &“A good bet for Halloween story hours.&”—School Library Journal &“There can never be enough Halloween stories. This one is appealing, participatory, fast-paced and a delight in the telling.&”—Children&’s Book Review Service
The Vanishing Vampire: A Monsterrific Tale (Monsterrific Tales)
by David LubarThere's something strange going on at Washington Irving Elementary School. People are turning into monsters—literally! In The Vanishing Vampire, Sebastian's life has become a real pain in the neck. It all started the night he walked home from the movies by himself. He sort of blacked out and the next morning, he woke up as a vampire. Now he has only one chance to turn back into a human. And time is running out…. With its blend of humor and horror, David Lubar's middle-grade monsteriffic tales series will appeal to the same audience that has made his Weenies short story collections such a success.At the Publisher's request, this title is being sold without Digital Rights Management Software (DRM) applied.
The Vanishing of Billy Buckle: The Detective Agency's Third Case (The Fairy Detective Agency #3)
by Sally GardnerSpot on the Fishcake!The famous fairy detective agency, Wings & Co, has a problem. Really quite a big problem. Well, a few of them actually.There's the missing giant, Billy Buckle, who has vanished without a trace, and left his giant daughter with the detectives. There's a surprise visit to the seaside, which uncovers a murder and a stolen diamond. And then there's that tricky business of the TV talent show.Squat on a squid, this is Emily, Buster and Fidget's most complicated case yet.Read by Simon Russell Beale(P)2004 Orion Publishing Group.Ltd
The Variable Man and Other Stories (Dover Thrift Editions: Short Stories)
by Philip K. DickA seminal figure of twentieth-century science fiction, Philip K. Dick ponders the very nature of humanity in this anthology of five gripping short stories and novellas that were first published in early 1950s pulp magazines. Written during the Cold War, “The Defenders” presents a tale of robotic warfare. “Foster, You’re Dead” criticizes consumerism and the Cold War, when the military-industrial complex shifted responsibility for self-defense to families by selling bomb shelters. “Piper in the Woods” is a clever short story concerning the erosion of reality. A military psychologist is tasked with solving the mystery of why military personnel are behaving like plants upon their return from an asteroid. “Second Variety” is prescient in its anticipation of the hazards of self-evolving robots that can operate independently of one another. In “The Variable Man,” Earth relies on computer technology and a time traveler to predict their chances of victory in a fight against aliens. This collection is an excellent introduction to one of the most original minds of the modern era.