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When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?: An Orgy Of George Including Brain Droppings, Napalm And Silly Putty, And When Will Jesus Bring The Pork Chops?
by George CarlinOn the heels of George Carlin's #1 New York Times bestseller Napalm & Silly Putty comes When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?--infused with Carlin's trademark irreverent humor and biting cultural observations.Here we go again . . . George Carlin's hilarious When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops? offers his cutting-edge opinions and observational humor on everything from evasive euphemistic language to politicians to the media to dead people. Nothing and no one is safe!Despite the current climate of political correctness, Carlin is not afraid to take on controversial topics: Carlin on the media: The media comprises equal parts business, politics, advertising, public relations, and show business. Nice combination. Enough bull for Texas to open a chain of branch offices. Carlin on the battle of the sexes: Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid. Carlin on hygiene: When did they pass a law that says the people who make my sandwich have to be wearing gloves? I'm not comfortable with this. I don't want glove residue all over my food; it's not sanitary. Who knows where these gloves have been? Carlin on evasive language: Just to demonstrate how far using euphemisms in language has gone, some psychologists are now actually referring to ugly people as those with "severe appearance deficits." Hey, Doctor. How's that for "denial"? Carlin on politics: No self-respecting politician would ever admit to working in the government. They prefer to think of themselves "serving the nation." To help visualize the service they provide the country, you may wish to picture the things that take place on a stud farm.The thinking person's comic who uses words as weapons, Carlin puts voice to issues that capture the modern imagination. For instance, why are there Ten Commandments? Are UFOs real? What will the future really be like? This brand-new collection tackles all that and more.In When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops? Carlin's razor-sharp observations demolish everyday values and leave you laughing out loud--delivering exactly what his countless fans have been waiting for.
When You Are Engulfed in Flames
by David SedarisEssays by Sedaris on a variety of subjects including a parasitic worm that once lived in his mother-in-law's leg, an encounter with a dingo, the recreational use of an external catheter, buying a human skeleton, and trying to quit smoking in Japan. Sedaris describes the events in his essays as "realish".
When You Are Engulfed in Flames
by David SedarisTrying to make coffee when the water is shut off, David considers using the water in a vase of flowers and his chain of associations takes him from the French countryside to a hilariously uncomfortable memory of buying drugs in a mobile home in rural North Carolina. In essay after essay, Sedaris proceeds from bizarre conundrums of daily life-having a lozenge fall from your mouth into the lap of a fellow passenger on a plane or armoring the windows with LP covers to protect the house from neurotic songbirds-to the most deeply resonant human truths.
When You Are Engulfed In Flames
by David SedarisDavid Sedaris's remarkable ability to uncover the hilarious absurdity teeming just below the surface of everyday life is elevated to wilder and more entertaining heights than ever in this new book of stories.Sedaris proceeds from bizarre conundrums of daily life - the etiquette of having a lozenge fall from your mouth into the lap of a fellow passenger or how to soundproof your windows with LP covers against neurotic songbirds - to the most deeply resonant human truths. Taking in the parasitic worm that once lived in his mother-in-law's leg, an encounter with a dingo and the purchase of a human skeleton, and culminating in a brilliant account of his attempt to quit smoking - in Tokyo - David Sedaris's sixth story collection is a fresh masterpiece of comic writing.
When You Are Engulfed In Flames
by David SedarisDavid Sedaris's remarkable ability to uncover the hilarious absurdity teeming just below the surface of everyday life is elevated to wilder and more entertaining heights than ever in this new book of stories.Sedaris proceeds from bizarre conundrums of daily life - the etiquette of having a lozenge fall from your mouth into the lap of a fellow passenger or how to soundproof your windows with LP covers against neurotic songbirds - to the most deeply resonant human truths. Taking in the parasitic worm that once lived in his mother-in-law's leg, an encounter with a dingo and the purchase of a human skeleton, and culminating in a brilliant account of his attempt to quit smoking - in Tokyo - David Sedaris's sixth story collection is a fresh masterpiece of comic writing.
When You Find Out the World Is Against You: And Other Funny Memories About Awful Moments
by Kelly Oxford“Kelly is part geek, part freak. When You Find Out The World Is Against You shows us ourselves: our sensitivities, our awkward moments, our strange desires. She takes us through summer camp, dating, rape culture, Trump, death . . . Kelly Oxford c’est moi.” — James Franco“Two things I’m grateful for: how imperfect Kelly Oxford is at life and decision-making, and how terrific she is at writing about what a goddamn mess she is.” — Patton Oswalt“Kelly Oxford’s writing is hilarious and fearless. She’s the badass Canadian sister I never had.” — Mindy Kaling“I have worshipped the mind of Kelly Oxford for eons. Kelly Oxford’s concise, whip-smart observations feel eerily universal. When You Find Out the World is Against You shows that there is something to be learned from even the most absurd or devastating moments of life.” — Jill Soloway“Kelly Oxford is a beautiful writer. She finds beauty in the mundane and humor in everyday eccentricities. She is our present-day, funny Joan Didion.” — Gia Coppola
When You Lie About Your Age, the Terrorists Win: Reflections on Looking in the Mirror
by Carol LeiferStand-up comic and comedy writer Carol Leifer faced a critical dilemma and had only two options: either continue sharing her greatest childhood memory (seeing the Beatles at Shea Stadium in 1966) or lie about her age. But the choice soon became clear: "I see now that when you deny your age, you deny yourself, and when you lie about your age, you become your inauthentic twin. But most important, when you lie about your age, they win. (And of course by 'they,' I mean the terrorists)." Now, in this uproarious book, Leifer reveals all--her age, her outlook, her life philosophy--no holds barred.
When You Look Like Your Passport Photo, It's Time to Go Home
by Erma BombeckThe popular humorist offers tips and truisms on travel, discussing oddly named food, Asian bus drivers in Germany, plumbing around the world, and more.
When You Read This: 'Deeply moving but also uplifting, Mary Adkins' debut novel is easy to read but hard to forget' - Anne Youngson
by Mary Adkins'Deeply moving but also uplifting' Anne Youngson, author of Meet Me at the MuseumFor four years, Iris Massey worked side by side with PR maven Smith Simonyi, helping clients perfect their brands. But Iris has died, taken by terminal illness at only thirty-three. Adrift without his friend and colleague, Smith is surprised to discover that in her last six months, Iris created a blog filled with sharp and often funny musings on the end of a life not quite fulfilled. She also made one final request: for Smith to get her posts published as a book. With the help of his charmingly eager, if overbearingly forthright, new intern Carl, Smith tackles the task of fulfilling Iris's last wish. Before he can do so, though, he must get the approval of Iris's big sister Jade, an haute cuisine chef who's been knocked sideways by her loss. Each carrying their own baggage, Smith and Jade end up on a collision course with their own unresolved pasts and with each other. Funny and moving in equal measures, When You Read This is a sparkling debut about love, life, and all the emails you really wish you'd never sent.Praise for When You Read This:'Thought-provoking, tear-jerking, funny - and [with] a delectable literary twist' Refinery29 'A touching, funny and life-affirming tale' Publishers Weekly'As with Maria Semple's Where'd You Go Bernadette, Adkins's debut novel is so much more than its clever style . . . [it] feels miraculous and leaves a lasting impression long after its final moment' Val Emmich, author of The Reminders'This gentle tragicomedy . . . deals sensitively with loss' Daily MailWhat reviewers have said about When You Read This:'A marvellous, funny, poignant and uplifting book . . . I hope you enjoy it as much as I did''I could not put it down . . . a very original and emotional read''What a delight this book is! . . . touched my heart and made me laugh''I read it in a single sitting, enjoying every minute of it''This book is a treasure. Every character is so full and unforgettable. Sad and funny and hopeful'
When You Read This: 'Deeply moving but also uplifting, Mary Adkins' debut novel is easy to read but hard to forget' - Anne Youngson
by Mary AdkinsWHEN YOU READ THIS is a warm, heart-breaker of a novel, and just as you think you might be on the verge of tears, it will tip you over into laughter instead.On his first day of work at a struggling brand management firm, an ambitious intern discovers a blog created by his predecessor, Iris Massey. Iris, he quickly learns, died a few months earlier, leaving a hole in the life of the firm's morose boss, Smith. Now, stuck at his desk all day, Carl-the-Intern - whose sky-high aspirations are thwarted only by Smith's sluggishness - gets hooked on Iris's blog, and the stories she tells about the life she left behind. Determined to share her story, Carl and Smith soon track down Iris' sister Jade, an haute cuisine chef who's been knocked sideways by her loss, finding solace only in potato chips and red wine. Smith and Jade, tied together by their mutual grief and each carrying their own baggage, end up on a collision course: with their own unresolved pasts, and also with each other. Funny and moving in equal measures, WHEN YOU READ THIS is a sparkling debut about love, life, and all the emails you really wish you'd never sent.(P)2019 Hodder & Stoughton Limited
When You Ride Alone, You Ride with Bin Laden: What the Government Should Be Telling Us to Help Fight the War on Terrorism
by Bill MaherPolitical provocateur Bill Maher tells it like it is in a useful and hilarious guide for the many Americans who want to do more here at home to help the war effort, but are at a loss as to what. Thirty-three dynamic posters and several classics from our government's archive— accompanied by text from one of our leading pundits and cutting-edge comedians— make this the perfect book for this time in our nation's history, the zeitgeist of post-9/11 America. This is the book that will help Americans make the connections between what we do and how it can help our troops and ourselves.
When you stop laughing - go home!
by Paul CoghlanIn 2010 to assist his recovery from too many years as a Victorian Public Servant - the land where good ideas go to die - the author took up two consecutive volunteering assignments - over two and a half years in what was then the world's youngest country and youngest democracy - Timor Leste. When you stop laughing go home is a book of personal impressions of modern day Timor Leste told through the prism of the authors daily life in a small township in the hills of Timor Leste. This is a series of stories telling of how an ageing Australian in a transitional time in his life met a young nation in a transitional time in their life and how over two and a half years they worked together, laughed together, came to understand each other and helped rebuild each other. The impressions while sometimes critical of the Government, some foreign consultants and some foreign aid programs tell of the respect gained by the author for the people of Timor Leste and his hope that at last they may experience the freedom to be themselves, govern themselves and build their own future in their own image and likeness.
When You Wish Upon A Duke: Wylder Sisters Book 1 (Wylder Sisters)
by Isabella BradfordLose your heart in this sparkling and enchanting romance, the first in the Wylder sisters series from award-winning author Isabella Bradford. Raised in the countryside, Lady Charlotte Wylder doesn't care one bit about decorum. So when the dark-haired beauty learns that she is to leave for London to wed the Duke of Marchbourne, a perfect model of aristocratic propriety, she is less than enchanted. But to her delight, their first encounters are brazenly flirtatious, and their wedding night burns with passion; Charlotte may even be falling in love with her new husband. Yet whenever their desire boils over, March pushes Charlotte away. Will past secrets and present misunderstandings mire their marriage in scandal, or serve to strengthen a bond to last a lifetime?Meet the other Wylder Sisters in Books Two and Three in the series, When The Duchess Said Yes, and When The Duke Found Love. And check out Isabella's Breconridge Brothers series for more exquisite historical romance.
When's Happy Hour?: Work Hard So You Can Hardly Work
by BetchesThe New York Times bestselling authors of I Had a Nice Time and Other Lies and Nice Is Just a Place in France and founders of Betches.com are back with a guide on how to thrive professionally, get ahead in the workforce, and basically become the Beyoncé of whatever you aspire to do. We get it. You run shit. You can go from being blackout at drunk brunch to being ready to meet your new boyfriend’s parents in two seconds. But how do you go from being the boss of your personal life to taking charge of your career? That’s where the Betches come in. We are dedicated to making you the most successful, betchiest career woman you can be. After all, we only became Betches after we worked like, really hard. And now we’re confident enough to help you become the best. You’re welcome. You can thank us later. As New York Times bestselling author Jessica Knoll says, “I only ever want the cold, hard truth from a betch.” So whether you’re trying to become a CEO, navigate an office hookup, or just save enough money to go to happy hour twice a week, we’re here to help. It’s time to channel your inner Elle Woods, Miranda Priestly, and Ruth Bader Ginsburg. Per our last email, you better read this.
When's It Due Sophie Drew: A Heart-Warming Romantic Comedy (The Sophie Drew Series #2)
by Katey LovellAn expectant mom juggles her new man, new mummy friends, and mysterious packages in this charming romantic comedy.Sophie Drew has been dealt the mother of all surprises—she’s having a baby!Socializing with other mummies-to-be tempts Sophie into setting up a wish list at a local baby boutique. Although most of the items are unnecessary luxuries, she still finds herself lusting after designer changing bags and hi-tech prams.When some of the most expensive items from her list start arriving, Sophie thinks her boyfriend Max has been splurging but when he denies it, Sophie is surprised.Sophie is determined to find out who is sending the gifts and why. Will she find the answer she is looking for and can Sophie finally have everything she ever hoped for?A heart-warming look at life, When’s It Due, Sophie Drew? explores the emotional aspects of trying to conceive and being pregnant with sensitivity and humor.When's It Due, Sophie Drew? is the perfect read for fans of books like Bridget Jones’s Diary as well as for readers of authors like Sue Roberts, Marian Keyes and Sarah Morgan. It can be read as part of the Sophie Drew series or enjoyed as a brilliant stand-alone read.
Where Am I Now?: True Stories of Girlhood and Accidental Fame
by Mara Wilson"Growing up, I wanted to be Mara Wilson. Where Am I Now? is a delight." --Ilana Glazer, cocreator and star of Broad City"Genuine and authentic, funny and heartbreaking." --Jenny Lawson, author of Let's Pretend This Never Happened and Furiously HappyNamed a best book of the month by GoodReads and Entertainment WeeklyA former child actor best known for her starring roles in Matilda and Mrs. Doubtfire, Mara Wilson has always felt a little young and out of place: as the only kid on a film set full of adults, the first daughter in a house full of boys, a Valley girl in New York and a neurotic in California, and a grown-up the world still remembers as a little girl. Tackling everything from what she learned about sex on the set of Melrose Place, to discovering in adolescence that she was no longer "cute" enough for Hollywood, these essays chart her journey from accidental fame to relative (but happy) obscurity. They also illuminate universal struggles, like navigating love and loss, and figuring out who you are and where you belong. Candid, insightful, moving, and hilarious, Where Am I Now? introduces Mara Wilson as a brilliant new chronicler of the experience that is growing up female.From the Trade Paperback edition.
Where are my Lambs? (Early Reader)
by Francesca SimonIt's time for bed but Mother Sheep can't find her lambs, Tilly and Tam, anywhere! Where in Potter's Barn could they be hiding? An ideal story to read at Easter! Early Readers are stepping stones from picture books to reading books. A blue Early Reader is perfect for sharing and reading together. A red Early Reader is the next step on your reading journey.
Where are my Lambs? (Early Reader Ser.)
by Francesca Simon Emily BolamIt's time for bed but Mother Sheep can't find her lambs, Tilly and Tam, anywhere! Where in Potter's Barn could they be hiding? An ideal story to read at Easter! Early Readers are stepping stones from picture books to reading books. A blue Early Reader is perfect for sharing and reading together. A red Early Reader is the next step on your reading journey.
Where Bear?
by Sophy HennThis beautifully illustrated, fun-to-read book will have kids everywhere asking the same question: "Where, bear?"Once there was a bear cub who lived with a little boy. But over time the bear cub grew . . . and grew . . . and GREW! And did things that bears do . . . and do . . . and DO! One day the boy looked at the bear and realized he was just too big and bearish to be living in a house. "I think it's time we found you a new place to live where you can be bearish and big," said the boy. "But where, bear?"So begins a delightful journey that reminds us that even when best friends are apart, they always stay together. Praise for WHERE BEAR?:* "[N]othing short of magnificent. Each page is absolutely charming and begs to be looked at again and again."--Library Media Connection, starred review "This gentle tale about friendship and home will give early readers and their grown-ups plenty of food for discussion."–Kirkus Reviews
Where Did I Go Right?: How the Left Lost Me
by Geoff Norcott***'Few people walk the line of thought provoking and laugh out loud funny like Geoff Norcott.' - Romesh Ranganathan'Where Did I Go Right? is sharp, considered, insightful, and helped me make sense of "the other side". And because Geoff Norcott is so funny, it unfortunately means I can't dismiss his views entirely. It's so important to have a friend you can disagree with but still admire and Geoff can be that friend to you!' - Katherine Ryan"I've always thought the benefit of having batsh*t parents is it increases the chance of you growing up funny. It's certainly worked for Geoff Norcott." - David Baddiel"Brave... and vividly evoked. [...] 'How the left lost me' is a phrase that should haunt Kier Starmer et al. Looking at the collapse of the 'red wall', at the last election, there do seem to be a lot of disgruntled Geoffs out there." - The Telegraph"While I stand firmly at the other end of the political spectrum, it provided fascinating and well-considered insights into how the half think and, as such, should be read by both Reds and Blues." - Love Reading UK'Voting Conservative is like buying a James Blunt album: loads of people have done it, but weirdly you never meet them ...'Comedian Geoff Norcott should have been Labour through and through. He grew up on a council estate, both of his parents were disabled, and his Dad was a Union man. So, how was it that he grew up to vote Tory?In this courageously honest and provocative memoir, Geoff unpicks his working-class upbringing and his political journey from left to right. Raised by a fierce matriarch and a maverick father on a South London council estate where they filmed scenes for The Bill, Geoff spends his youth attempting to put out kitchen fires with aerosols and leaping in and out of industrial skips. But as he reaches adolescence, his political views begin to be influenced by major events including the early 90s recession, the credit crunch, and a chance encounter with Conservative PM John Major.As an adult, Geoff begins to have the gnawing feeling that the values and traditions he grew up with no longer match Labour's. And, as Brexit appears, he feels even more like a double agent operating behind enemy lines.Written with warmth, wit and often laugh-out-loud humour, Where Did I Go Right? is Geoff's attempt to understand why he ended up voting 'for the bad guys', and why blue-collared conservatism could be here to stay.Praise for Geoff Norcott:'A mature, sharp take on modern politics' - The Sunday Times'Gently abrasive, but that's what makes him so entertaining... with a sharp, self-knowing wit' -The Times'Geoff Norcott genuinely has something original to say' - New European'A refreshingly brilliant new comedic voice' - Spectator'Norcott is an out-and-out rebel' - Express
Where Did I Go Right?: How the Left Lost Me
by Geoff Norcott***'Few people walk the line of thought provoking and laugh out loud funny like Geoff Norcott.' - Romesh Ranganathan'Where Did I Go Right? is sharp, considered, insightful, and helped me make sense of "the other side". And because Geoff Norcott is so funny, it unfortunately means I can't dismiss his views entirely. It's so important to have a friend you can disagree with but still admire and Geoff can be that friend to you!' - Katherine Ryan"I've always thought the benefit of having batsh*t parents is it increases the chance of you growing up funny. It's certainly worked for Geoff Norcott." - David Baddiel"Brave... and vividly evoked. [...] 'How the left lost me' is a phrase that should haunt Kier Starmer et al. Looking at the collapse of the 'red wall', at the last election, there do seem to be a lot of disgruntled Geoffs out there." - The Telegraph"While I stand firmly at the other end of the political spectrum, it provided fascinating and well-considered insights into how the half think and, as such, should be read by both Reds and Blues." - Love Reading UK'Voting Conservative is like buying a James Blunt album: loads of people have done it, but weirdly you never meet them ...'Comedian Geoff Norcott should have been Labour through and through. He grew up on a council estate, both of his parents were disabled, and his Dad was a Union man. So, how was it that he grew up to vote Tory?In this courageously honest and provocative memoir, Geoff unpicks his working-class upbringing and his political journey from left to right. Raised by a fierce matriarch and a maverick father on a South London council estate where they filmed scenes for The Bill, Geoff spends his youth attempting to put out kitchen fires with aerosols and leaping in and out of industrial skips. But as he reaches adolescence, his political views begin to be influenced by major events including the early 90s recession, the credit crunch, and a chance encounter with Conservative PM John Major.As an adult, Geoff begins to have the gnawing feeling that the values and traditions he grew up with no longer match Labour's. And, as Brexit appears, he feels even more like a double agent operating behind enemy lines.Written with warmth, wit and often laugh-out-loud humour, Where Did I Go Right? is Geoff's attempt to understand why he ended up voting 'for the bad guys', and why blue-collared conservatism could be here to stay.Praise for Geoff Norcott:'A mature, sharp take on modern politics' - The Sunday Times'Gently abrasive, but that's what makes him so entertaining... with a sharp, self-knowing wit' -The Times'Geoff Norcott genuinely has something original to say' - New European'A refreshingly brilliant new comedic voice' - Spectator'Norcott is an out-and-out rebel' - Express
Where Did It All Go Right?: Growing Up Normal in the 70s
by Andrew CollinsAndrew Collins was born 37 years ago in Northampton. His parents never split up, in fact they rarely exchanged a cross word. No-one abused him. Nobody died. He got on well with his brother and sister and none of his friends drowned in a canal. He has never stayed overnight in a hospital and has no emotional scars from his upbringing, except a slight lingering resentment that Anita Barker once mocked the stabilisers on his bike. Where Did It All Go Right? is a jealous memoir written by someone who occasionally wishes life had dealt him a few more juicy marketable blows. The author delves back into his first 18 years in search of something - anything - that might have left him deeply and irreparably damaged. With tales of bikes, telly, sweets, good health, domestic harmony and happy holidays, Andrew aims to bring a little hope to all those out there living with the emotional after-effects of a really nice childhood. Andrew Collins kept a diary from the age of five, so he really can remember what he had for tea everyday and what he did at school, excerpts from his diary run throughout the book and it is this detail which makes his story so compelling.
Where Do Giggles Come From? (Little Golden Book)
by Diane E. Muldrow Anne KennedyThis playful rhyming Little Golden Book asks, "Where do giggles come from?" It's a celebration of families and laughter and children will delight in watching piglets, bear cubs, bunnies, and more baby animals frolicking joyfully with their families. Charming pastel illustrations show little ones laughing and giggling while playing peek-a-boo, hula-hoop, hide-n-seek, and other games.
Where Do I Go From Here?: A hilarious and moving new novel for fans of Lucy Vine and Mhairi McFarlane!
by India RiggLife was telling her no. Now it's time to say yes. Seffy's ripping up the to-do list she's lived by her whole adult life. The world is telling her she needs to find a husband, get a promotion, and start a family. Her social media is wall-to-wall engagement and new baby pictures, but none of them are hers - and she's tired of trying.But don't feel sorry for Seffy. She's booked a one-way plane ticket and it's finally time to put herself first. With a new to-do list, she plans to join the mile-high club, meet a hot stranger and try magic mushrooms - all before she's thirty.With the whole world at her feet, where does she go from here?***PRAISE FOR INDIA RIGG'A triumph!' Abigail Mann'All kinds of wonderful' Sarah Bonner'Moves you to tears and makes you laugh' Chloe Timms'Painfully relatable' Amy LavelleReaders LOVE India Rigg!'Heartwrenching and heartwarming' ***** Reader Review'Moves you to tears and makes you laugh' ***** Reader Review'Such a great story!' ***** Reader Review'Hilariously funny' ***** Reader Review'Broke my heart and pieced it back together' ***** Reader Review
Where Do I Start? (Why You? #1)
by Chase Taylor HackettThe ex best thing . . .Fletcher Andrews never believed in promises. Or monogamy. Or love. When you’re tall and gorgeous, New York City is one big all-you-can-eat buffet of hot young actors, models, and baristas. Even when living happily with Roger, his sweet, sexy violinist boyfriend, Fletch can’t resist an occasional taste. Too bad you don’t know what you’ve got until it’s thrown you out for cheating with half the cast of Disney on Ice.Two years and a chance meeting later, Fletch desperately wants Roger back. Roger’s new boyfriend, Jeff, will do anything to stop that from happening. But Fletch has a plan to make amends. And with a little help from friends, colleagues—even Roger’s Scottish terrier, Haggis—they might find that the love you don’t believe in can sweep you right off your feet . . .