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Unusual Uses For Olive Oil: A Von Igelfeld Novel (Professor Dr Moritz-Maria von Igelfeld)
by Alexander McCall SmithLife is so unfair, and it sends many things to try Professor Dr Moritz-Maria von Igelfeld, author of Portuguese Irregular Verbs and pillar of the Institute of Romance Philology in the proud Bavarian city of Regensburg.There is the undeserved rise of his rival (and owner of a one-legged dachshund), Detlev Amadeus Unterholzer; the interminable ramblings of the librarian, Herr Huber; and the condescension of his colleagues with regard to his unmarried state. But when his friend Ophelia Prinzel takes it upon herself to match-make, and duly produces a cheerful heiress with her own Schloss, it appears that the professor's true worth is about to be recognised.Maddening, idiotic and hugely entertaining, von Igelfeld is an inspired comic creation.
Unusual Uses for Olive Oil (Professor Dr von Igelfeld Series #4)
by Alexander Mccall SmithProfessor Dr. Dr. Moritz-Maria von Igelfeld, author of the highly regarded Portuguese Irregular Verbs (200 LTD copies sold!) and a pillar of the Institute of Romance Philology in the proud Bavarian city of Regensburg, finds that life is very difficult these days. His academic rival (and owner of a one-legged dachsund) Detlev-Amadeus Unterholzer has been winning undeserved recognition. With help from the matchmaking Ophelia Prinzel, he stumbles towards a romance with Frau Benz, a charming widow who owns her very own Schloss and a fleet of handsome cars. While on the annual student study retreat in the Alps, von Igelfeld fearlessly plunges 3,000 feet into mountaineering history, only to suffer the ignominy of giving inspirational lectures about the experience. And at a dinner party, he is the only kind soul who can aid the aforementioned unfortunate dachshund, whose sticky wheels are in need of lubrication.
Unusual Ways to Die: History's Weirdest Deaths
by James ProudOver the ages, death has come in some very unpredictable forms. This irreverent little book gathers together some of the most peculiar and outrageous ways that people across the globe have met their untimely ends. Whether shocking or silly, these true stories are proof at least that the grim reaper has a strange sense of humour.
Unusually Stupid Americans: A Compendium of All-American Stupidity
by Kathryn Petras Ross PetrasA hilarious collection of lists, statistics, news items, quotations, and facts detailing stupid acts of Americans from all walks of life—by the authors of the bestselling The 776 Stupidest Things Ever SaidEveryone knows that America is “the land of the free and the home of the brave,” but sometimes that means we’re free to be as bravely stupid as we want! In Unusually Stupid Americans, Kathryn Petras and Ross Petras assemble choice bits of stupidity, U.S.A.-style, including•the top seriously flawed American advertising moments, including Pacific Airlines’ brilliant “You’re scared of flying? So’s our pilot!” ad campaign, which led the airline to bankruptcy within two months of the campaign’s inception•the Martin Luther King, Jr., celebration in Florida, where a plaque was un-veiled that was intended to honor the actor James Earl Jones but instead read, “Thank you James Earl Ray for keeping the dream alive” (an unfortunate slip-up, as James Earl Ray was King’s assassin)•and much more!
Unusually Stupid Celebrities: A Compendium of All-Star Stupidity
by Kathryn Petras Ross PetrasThe Greeks honored Zeus, the Romans revered Juno, but modern civilization worships a different sort of god: Celebrity. Face it, we follow the stars' every move, fashion choice, and deliciously dishy affairs. Now Kathryn Petras and Ross Petras, authors of Unusually Stupid Americans, pull the demanding divas, screwball stars, and celebu-twits off their pedestals-and prove it doesn't take a degree in rocket science to become famous. Cases in point: * Courtney Love misses an important court date relating to "possession of a controlled substance" because she can't find a professional bodyguard at the last minute. * Mariah Carey's entourage includes a skirt-from-touching-floor specialist, a towel hand-off person, and a professional drink holder/lifter. * Savvy traveler Paris Hilton concludes that all of Europe is, "like, French. " * Mensa candidate and rocker Tommy Lee is pretty sure that Winston Churchill was president during the Civil War, that the numeric equivalent of pi is "the two-equals-MC-squared thing," and that an isosceles triangle is "somewhere in Bermuda." Feuds, faith, family, money, sex, tantrums, travel-no star-studded stone is left unturned. Filled with jaw-dropping anecdotes, quirky quotes, and special stupid-celebrity awards, Unusually Stupid Celebrities provides a red-faced glimpse of the red carpet.
Unusually Stupid Politicians: Washington's Weak in Review
by Kathryn Petras Ross PetrasKathryn Petras and Ross Petras, bestselling authors of the scathingly funny Unusually Stupid Americans and Unusually Stupid Celebrities, now set their bipartisan sights on the hallowed halls of the United States government. Unusually Stupid Politicians exposes the mind-boggling but true political mishaps, missteps, and miscues that have even the savviest spin doctors shaking their heads and saying "No comment." Sections include * Extreme Hairsplitting--such as when Florida governor Jeb Bush, after being accused of hiding in a closet from rampaging Democrats, denied the allegation completely, stating that "it was actually a boiler room" * Brilliant and Innovative Ideas from The Pentagon-- like their groundbreaking "Gay Bomb," their "Bad Breath Inducing" halitosis weapon and their plans to enlist The Three Stooges in the fight against terror. * Creative Political Excuses--such as "I just discovered I'm Jewish and it's a Holy Day,"--used by Senator George Allen, who, after learning of his Jewish heritage, got out of a Senate hearing to "observe" Yom Kippur * The Most Egregiously Large Political Egos--measured in standard Chuck Schumer Ego Units (CSEUs). This hilarious and eye-opening exposé gives awards for "How I Blew My Campaign" and "Worst Campaign Ad," and shares a list of candidates "endorsed by God," as well as a list of those who lost because of Satan. So turn off C-SPAN and quit text-messaging congressional pages--you're about to learn what the definition of "is" is.
Unveiled for the Persian King (Undone!)
by Linda SkyeDarius, King of Persia, has many beautiful women in his harem-but none entice him more than his latest prize: Myrine of Scythia. The princess's overwhelming beauty and provocative dances fill him with lust-and his desire is matched by her own boldness.Myrine has been given to the new king as a tribute, a tantalizing prize for the fierce warrior. But she is no submissive concubine, and her veils hide more than her sensuous curves. If she can capture Darius's attention through a game of seduction, she will have him at her mercy!
The Unwelcome Surprise
by Olga HerreraPerfect for fans of Something's Wrong! and Can I Be Your Dog?, The Unwelcome Surprise is a charming new baby story full of debut author-illustrator Olga Herrera's incredibly humorous art, and that explores the fears and joys that come with change. Every morning, Bongo walks downstairs to get his food, passing his dried-up potted plant, his old stained chair, and his stinky stained carpet. Until one morning...something is different! Something monstrous is in his way! Bongo is beside himself with worry; will it take his walks? What if it eats his food? Or even worse...what if it takes his family?!
Unwrapping the Playboy (Matchmaking Mamas #8)
by Marie FerrarellaA single mom seeks help from her former sweetheart and falls in love all over again in this romance from a USA Today–bestselling author.As rakishly handsome as he was successful, attorney Kullen Manetti was a "love 'em and leave 'em" kind of guy. Until Lilli McCall,his long-lost love, suddenly appeared in his office—and turned his carefully crafted world upside down. Lilli had her reasons for leaving Kullen years ago—reasons she'd never dreamed of sharing with him. But now the single mom needed his expert help to fight for what mattered most—her young son. As her custody battle heated up, so did the still-blazing chemistry with Kullen. Against her best-laid plans, she fell hopelessly in love all over again. Only, this time, would she find the courage to stay?
Up (Little Golden Book)
by RH DisneyA Little Golden Book retelling of Disney/Pixar Up! Meet Car and Russell. Carl is old and lonely. Russell is young and looking for a friend. When they’re thrown together on the adventure of a lifetime, they discover that friendships are great at any age! This Little Golden Book retelling of Disney/Pixar Up will appeal to adventurers of all ages.
Up and Down
by Terry FallisThe author of the Stephen Leacock Medal-winning The Best Laid Plans brings his trademark humour and sharp storytelling to a new novel set in the high-stakes world of a global public relations agency. On his first day at Turner King, David Stewart quickly realizes that the world of international PR (affectionately, perhaps ironically, known as "the dark side") is a far cry from his previous job on Parliament Hill. For one, he missed the office memo on the all-black dress code; for another, there are enough acronyms and jargon to make his head spin. Before he even has time to find the washroom, David is assigned a major project: devise a campaign to revitalize North America's interest in the space program - maybe even show NASA's pollsters that watching a shuttle launch is more appealing than going out for lunch with friends. The pressure is on, and before long, David finds himself suggesting the most out-of-this-world idea imaginable: a Citizen Astronaut lottery that would send one Canadian and one American to the International Space Station. Suddenly, David's vaulted into an odyssey of his own, navigating the corporate politics of a big PR agency; wading through the murky but always hilarious waters of Canada-U.S. relations; and trying to hold on to his new job while still doing the right thing. Equal parts clever and satirical, thoughtful and affecting, Up and Down is Terry Fallis at his best, confirming his status as a Canadian literary star.
Up and Down (Funny Bunnies #2)
by David MellingThis bright, bold rhyming story from the creator of the bestselling Hugless Douglas is a wonderfully funny introduction to opposites for the very young and great to read aloud.Follow these hilarious pogo-stick loving bunnies through their crazy day. These bunnies go up and these bunnies go down. Sometimes they're funny and sometimes they frown!Don't miss Funny Bunnies: Rain or Shine - a brilliant introduction to weather.Praise for Hugless Douglas: 'A new Hugless Douglas book is always a cause for celebration.' Daily Mail
Up and Down in the Dales
by Gervase PhinnEscape to the country with Gervase Phinn's heartwarming tales of life as a school inspector in Yorkshire'Gervase Phinn's memoirs have made him a hero in school staff-rooms' Daily Telegraph______What's your name? I asked the child.'Tequila,' she replied. I'm named after a drink.''Tequila Sunrise,' I murmured.'No,' pouted the child. 'Tequila Braithwaite.'Now in his fourth year as an Inspector for English in the Yorkshire Dales, Gervase Phinn still relishes visiting the schools - whether an inner-city comprehensive fraught with difficulties or a small Dales Primary school where the main danger is one of closure. With endless good humour, he copes with the little surprises that occur round every corner.Some things never change: Mrs Savage roars, Connie rants, and Gervase's colleague in the office play verbal ping-pong. But all this can be put behind him each day when he returns home to his lovely wife, Christine, who is expecting their first baby.Up and Down in the Dales is charming montage of Gervase Phinn's experiences will keep you amused and will win a place in your heart.Gervase Phinn has an extraordinary talent to entertain, and the latest instalment to the Dale Series is heart-warming, wry and will make you laugh out loud.
Up Close: Book 2 (Boywatching #2)
by Chloe BennetIn BOYWATCHING, Chloe and her friends turned their obsession with the mysterious yet strangely alluring St Thomas's boys into a scientific pursuit (with hilarious consequences). In the second book, the thrilling prospect of a joint school play takes up much of everyone's waking (and dreaming) hours. But aside from that, can Chloe hang onto the heaven that is Mark? Will Gemma's reunion with the unpredictable Jezza last? Is Amy destined for greatness in the Olympics, and will Sally ever discover the truth about her absent father? There are tricky times ahead for the Boywatchers and their families...By turns touching and hilarious, this is another fabulous story of friendship, fun and boys that fans of GEEK GIRL will adore.
Up Close & Personal
by Ana Holguin"Charming, witty, and tender" Abby Jimenez, #1 New York Times bestselling author of Just for the Summer A jaded journalist challenges a celebrity fitness instructor to prove her job isn't a scam in this swoony, sizzling rom-com for fans of 27 Dresses and Jessica Joyce. Jo De La Cruz should be on top of the world. As one of spin&’s hottest instructors, her workouts stream into thousands of living rooms, her waiting list is harder to access than Area 51, and even her hair has its own social media page. But Jo&’s struggling from a decade in the spotlight—which is when she meets the annoyingly handsome journalist who claims her job is just yelling at people from a bike. Converting a hater is a challenge Jo can&’t resist. Only nothing about Silas Anders matches her expectations. He throws himself into her classes, he&’s genuinely interested in Jo&’s hobbies, and—most surprising of all—he knows what it&’s like to struggle with mental health. Between all-you-can-eat-diner lunches, thrifting adventures, and sizzling summer nights, Jo might even be catching feelings. But as buzz for the article skyrockets, Jo discovers that the man she&’s been falling for may, in fact, be the one scamming her. Will trusting him break her heart—or lead to a love worth riding for?
Up, Down and Sideways
by Robert H. PattonAt 24, Philip Halsey has too much of everything. His stock market investments have replicated like breeding hamsters, and his recent real estate venture seems sure to score big in the Reagan boomtime eighties. Philip's discovery that he's not the scion of old New England wealth, but rather the son of a penniless Jewish immigrant, marks the first shudder of earth beneath his feet.
Up, Down and Turned Around
by Amy TaoHave you ever wondered how plants grow? How does the plant stem know to grow up while the roots grow down? This book will teach children how gravity affects plants with a fun experiment to grow their own beans!
Up Front: The Classic Portrait in Text and Drawings of the American Combat Soldier in World War II (Fiftieth Anniversary Edition)
by Bill MauldinDuring the three years the author spent in the 45th Division, he was certain that it was not only the best division in the army, but that it was the army. Since then he had kicked around in more than fifteen other divisions, and found that the men in each of them were convinced that their division was the best and the only division. That's good. Esprit is the thing that holds armies together. But it puts people who write about the army on the spot.
Up in Flames
by Kira SinclairOnce burned, twice shy Lola Whittaker can't remember a time when she didn't want smoke jumper Erik McKnight-those stormy gray eyes, that rock-hard bod... But once burned, twice shy, and Lola swore she would never make the same mistake again. But that won't stop her from making a new one. Like getting into the wrong bunk and having the hottest night of her life-with Erik. Erik knows Lola will never forgive him for what happened that disastrous night six years ago-he sure as hell hasn't forgiven himself. But when the woman he's dreamed about every night since climbs into his bed, it's impossible to turn her away. It's just one night, right? Except now Lola's pregnant...
Up on Bob
by Mary Sullivan★ "Perfect pacing builds suspense and adds to the hilarity." —Booklist, STARRED Review★ "Sullivan again displays her gift for concise animal comedy."—The Bulletin of the Center for Children's Books, STARRED reviewGeisel Honor winner Mary Sullivan humorously and deftly delivers a sweet spin on cat-and-dog rivalry. Perfect for fans of Kelly DiPucchio and Vera Brosgol. Bob the dog doesn&’t mind hard work when it means he can reward himself with a nap. But Someone is watching him sleep! Hopefully they will just go away if Bob lies really still. But Someone, who happens to be a cat, has other things in mind.Up on Bob is a humorous tale about sharing, working hard—and sleeping even harder. With irresistibly sly illustrations and pitch perfect pet dynamics, Geisel Honor–winning author-illustrator Mary Sullivan tells a sweet tale of friendship with a fresh new spin on the age-old cat-and-dog rivalry.
Up on the Woof Top: A Chet & Bernie Mystery (A Chet & Bernie Mystery #14)
by Spencer QuinnChet the dog, "the most lovable narrator in all of crime fiction" (Boston Globe) and his human partner Bernie Little find themselves high in the mountains this holiday season to help Dame Ariadne Carlisle, a renowned author of bestselling Christmas mysteries, find Rudy, her lead reindeer and good luck charm, who has gone missing.At Kringle Ranch, Dame Ariadne’s expansive mountain spread, Chet discovers that he is not fond of reindeer. But the case turns out to be about much more than reindeer after Dame Ariadne’s personal assistant takes a long fall into Devil’s Purse, a deep mountain gorge. When our duo discovers that someone very close to Dame Ariadne was murdered in that same spot decades earlier, they start looking into that long ago unsolved crime.But as they reach into the past, the past is also reaching out for them. Can they unlock the secrets of Dame Ariadne’s life before they too end up at the bottom of the gorge? Is Rudy somehow the key?Up on the Woof Top is a brand-new holiday adventure in Spencer Quinn's delightful New York Times and USA Today bestselling series that the Los Angeles Times called “nothing short of masterful.”At the Publisher's request, this title is being sold without Digital Rights Management Software (DRM) applied.
Up the Creek: A Quirky Comedy
by Andreas A. ReicheltA quirky comedy in three acts by Andreas A. Reichelt. Luitpold von Scharffenlow is suffering greatly from the current state of the world. His noble clan had been robbed of its omnipresent social significance, his family has frittered away its wealth, and he himself seems to be the laziest thirty-year-old on Planet Earth. He never would have thought that it would be a porta-potty that would change his life forever…although it actually suits him. “The most bizarre story of all times”
Up the Down Staircase
by Bel KaufmanBel Kaufman's bestselling classic, about a young teacher's efforts to reach her students and the odd, amusing, and poignant ways that the students respondWhen Miss Barrett arrives at Calvin Coolidge High, fresh from earning literature degrees at Hunter College, she can hardly wait to shape young minds. Instead, she encounters broken windows, no supplies, students who would rather be anyplace else, and a stifling bureaucracy that makes her job more difficult at every turn. Narrated through hilarious inter-office memos, students' notes, and other scraps drawn from the waste basket, Up the Down Staircase stands as the seminal novel of the American public school system, a beleaguered institution perpetually redeemed by teachers who love to teach and students who long to be recognized. This ebook features an illustrated biography of Bel Kaufman including photos from the author's personal collection.
Up the Down Staircase
by Bel KaufmanSylvia Barrett arrives at New York City’s Calvin Coolidge High fresh from earning literature degrees at Hunter College and eager to shape young minds. Instead she encounters broken windows, a lack of supplies, a stifling bureaucracy, and students with no interest in Chaucer. Her bumpy yet ultimately rewarding journey is narrated through an extraordinary collection of correspondence—sternly worded yet nonsensical administrative memos, furtive notes of wisdom from teacher to teacher, “polio consent slips,” and student homework assignments that unwittingly speak from the heart. An instant bestseller when it was first published in 1964, Up the Down Staircase remains as poignant, devastating, laugh-out-loud funny, and relevant today as ever. It timelessly depicts a beleaguered public school system redeemed by teachers who love to teach and students who long to be recognized.
Up the Line
by Robert Silverberg“A ribald, Byzantine tale of time-tourism” from the multiple Nebula and Hugo Award–winning author (Tor.com). It’s 2059, and former law clerk Jud Elliott finds himself at loose ends—until a chance meeting with a Time Courier gives him the inspiration to become one himself. The job—as a time-traveling guide—gives him the opportunity to indulge his love of Byzantine history, in between shuttling tourists to such monumental events as the crucifixion and the assassination of JFK. But there are strict rules to follow as a Time Courier, put in place to guard against paradoxes and preserve the sanctity of “now-time.” Jud isn’t used to following the rules—especially when faced with temptation. All it takes is one tiny slip here, one misplaced step there, and Jud could destroy his own timeline and cease to exist in the blink of an eye . . . a practicality that’s hard for Jud to grasp when he crosses paths with an eleventh-century Byzantium beauty he can’t resist. “A hugely ambitious, enormously fun, sly, paradox-peppered piece that chronicles the time-tourist trade and all its perils—specializing in Byzantine history.” —Strange Horizons “This novel is a comedy, and it is funny, but it is one of those black comedies where things go wrong, and then the more the protagonist tries to fix things, the more wrong they become, until the ending is at one and the same time an O. Henry punchline and a deep existential truth, neat as a pin and just as sharp.” —Kim Stanley Robinson