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When the Balls Drop
by Brad GarrettA refreshingly candid and wickedly funny look at life's second half from Everybody Loves Raymond TV sitcom star and comic Brad Garrett.In this no-holds-barred book of comedic and personal essays, Brad Garrett waxes hilarious--and irreverently honest--about the gaffes, challenges, and ultimately the joys of middle age as he advises us on how to best approach the dreaded "second half" of life. Ranging in topics from genetics to genitals, weight to women, and dating to diarrhea, Brad leaves no stone unturned in this laugh-out-loud look at getting older. With pieces such as "No Scales in Heaven," in which Brad points out the essential pointlessness of overthinking diet and exercise, and "Celebrating Your E.D. (erectile dysfunction) During Your Mid-Life Crisis," the star comedian encourages you to forget the overwhelming concerns that accompany middle age and to welcome the laughs--even if you have a fifty-fifty chance of throwing your back out in doing so. Penned in Brad's signature witty, conversational, no-nonsense style that has cemented his status as an icon in the comedy industry, this autobiographical book will teach you the most important thing: that, no matter what, we're all in this together. So embrace it.
When the Drumming Stops
by Steven WishniaBass player and rapidly aging punk rocker Underend Vicodini is an unlikely hero. He loves New York City like nobody's business but does it still love him despite his lack of affluence and influence? His former band, The Gutter Astronomers, was riding high in the 1980s, releasing albums and touring across the country playing to packed nightclubs filled with eager fans, but the Great Recession finds the band members middle-aged and struggling not to drown in the seas of gentrification and disillusion. When lead singer Mickey gets an offer to reunite the band, he jumps at it. But can the old bandmates overcome their acrimonious break up? Can they get back into it without shredding their lives? Can Underend Vicodini find inner peace and, more importantly, a reasonably priced apartment below 14th Street or in Brooklyn? Steven Wishnia is a New York-based musician and journalist. Born on the Lower East Side, he grew up in Brooklyn, New England, Edinburgh, and Long Island. He has played in numerous bands, including the False Prophets, an eclectic punk group that recorded two albums released by Alternative Tentacles. After the False Prophets broke up in 1987, he earned an MA at New York University's School of Journalism, writing for failing newspapers before working for many years as news editor at High Times. Recipient of two New York City Independent Press Association awards, he currently works as a freelance writer and editor, most often for AlterNet.org and Junior Scholastic, and often performs musically with artist Mac McGill.
When the Elephant Walks
by Keiko KaszaA charming circular story where the tiniest animal just might be the most powerful.When the Elephant walks, he scares the Bear. When the Bear runs away, he scares the Crocodile. When the Crocodile swims for his life, he scares the Wild Hog . . . and so on, down to the Mouse. And who could be scared of the little Mouse? The last spread answers this question in a way that will delight small children-and the endearing animals, rhythmic text, and hilarious illustrations will make this book a favorite.
When the Ghost Dog Howls (Goosebumps HorrorLand #13)
by R. L. StineGoosebumps now on Disney+!In HorrorLand's eerie gift shop Andy finds a hound's-tooth necklace. The big tooth is yellow, has two sharp points, and, according to the shopkeeper, is said to grant wishes. But Jonathan Chiller knows something else about the tooth. It's said to be haunted by the ghost of a huge hound. A ghost that's got a mouthful of sharp teeth--but wants this one back.
When the Green Woods Laugh (The Pop Larkin Chronicles #3)
by H. E. BatesA rural British family gets new neighbors—and new troubles—in this comic classic by the author of The Darling Buds of May. Gore Court is a run-down country house that junk dealer Pop Larkin intends to convert into a bungalow for his daughter and son-in-law. But Mr. and Mrs. Jerebohm, a wealthy couple from London, arrive desperate to buy the place. Spotting the naivete of the social-climbing pair, Pop manages to get them to agree to pay a ridiculous amount. Now he can install a swimming pool at home . . . But he may not have time to enjoy it. After a party at the Jerebohms, Pop finds himself fending off unwanted advances. Soon, a rocking rowboat, a pair of misplaced hands, and a misunderstanding have Pop before the local magistrate, and it may take more than wit and country charm for him to clear his name . . . &“Pop is as sexy, genial, generous, and boozy as ever. Ma is a worthy match for him in all these qualities.&” —The Times (London)Praise for the Pop Larkin Chronicles &“The Larkins live—these novels please us by escaping definition.&” —The Guardian &“Like Wodehouse&’s Jeeves, Bates&’ Larkins must continue in their own delightful milieu—in this case the Kentish countryside.&” —The New York Times
When the Moon Hits Your Eye
by null John ScalziNew York Times bestselling author John Scalzi flies you to the moon with his most fantastic tale to date: When the Moon Hits Your EyeThe moon has turned into cheese.Now humanity has to deal with it.For some it’s an opportunity. For others it’s a moment to question their faith: In God, in science, in everything. Still others try to keep the world running in the face of absurdity and uncertainty. And then there are the billions looking to the sky and wondering how a thing that was always just there is now... something absolutely impossible.Astronauts and billionaires, comedians and bank executives, professors and presidents, teenagers and terminal patients at the end of their lives -- over the length of an entire lunar cycle, each get their moment in the moonlight. To panic, to plan, to wonder and to pray, to laugh and to grieve. All in a kaleidoscopic novel that goes all the places you’d expect, and then to so many places you wouldn’t.It’s a wild moonage daydream. Ride this rocket.At the Publisher's request, this title is being sold without Digital Rights Management Software (DRM) applied.
When Things Go Wrong: from The Body
by Bill BrysonIn this selection from The Body, his compulsively readable and bestselling owner&’s manual to the human body, Bill Bryson introduces us to the mysterious, and often devastating, world of disease. Written with extraordinary insight and filled with remarkable facts, When Things Go Wrong deepens our understanding of the maladies that afflict us--what they are and how they work. A Vintage Short.
When Unicorns Poop
by Lexie CastleCelebrate all things sparkly, including unicorn poop, with this rainbow-filled, humorous story!Did you know that when a unicorn poops, rainbows arch across the sky? And when they toot, shiny bubbles float all around! What happens when a unicorn sneezes or spits or cries? More magical whimsy occurs when unicorns do all these things, of course. Just don't step in their poop-eww!Complete with stunning, bright, and magical full-color illustrations, When Unicorns Poop is sure to delight kids as well as be the perfect gift for any unicorn-crazed adult.
When Unicorns Turn Bad: Hilarious Photos of Unicorns Gone Wild
by Brody JacksonTHE FAIRY TALE IS OVERAre you sick of sickly sweet magical creatures and their fluffy outlook on life? So are these UNICORNS! See what really goes on behind the scenes in their MARSHMALLOW CANDYLAND – it’s weird, it’s twisted and it’s HILARIOUS. These unicorns are off duty and OFF THE SCALE!
When We Were Friends: A Novel
by Holly Bourne&“Holly Bourne&’s unique voice immediately invites you in and you can't look away. Gritty, funny and poignant.&” —Beth O'Leary, author of The FlatshareIn this darkly funny novel, two women reunite after a decade of estrangement, only to confront the forces that destroyed their friendship in the first place.From the day they first meet as teenagers, Fern and Jessica are best friends. Despite their differences, they are there for each other throughout everything, navigating the difficulties of growing up and fitting in. That is, until Jessica crosses a line that Fern can&’t forgive.But now, more than ten years later, Jessica has unexpectedly reappeared in Fern&’s life.A lot has changed for them both—but can their relationship be different now that they are older? Is it possible for either of them to rewrite the roles they've been cast in? Or will their shared history ultimately be doomed to repeat itself again?Set between the present day and the early &’00s, When We Were Friends is a blisteringly funny and devastating novel: both a joyful celebration of female friendship and a razor-sharp look at the damage we can all cause to those we claim to love the most.
When We Were Real: A Novel
by Daryl GregoryFrom multiple award-winning author Daryl Gregory comes a madcap adventure following two friends on a cross-country bus tour through the mind-boggling glitches in their simulated world as they grapple with love, family, secrets, and the very nature of reality in a simulation.JP and Dulin have been the best of friends for decades. When JP finds out his cancer has aggressively returned, Dulin decides it&’s the perfect time for one last adventure: a week-long bus tour of North America&’s Impossibles, the physics-defying glitches and geographic miracles that started cropping up seven years earlier—right after the Announcement that revealed our world to be merely a digital simulacrum. The outing, courtesy of Canterbury Trails Tours, promises the trip of a (not completely real) lifetime in a (not completely deluxe) coach. Their fellow passengers are 21st-century pilgrims, each of them on the tour for their own reasons. There&’s a nun hunting for an absent God, a pregnant influencer determined to make her child too famous to be deleted, a crew of horny octogenarians living each day like it&’s their last, and a professor on the run from leather-clad sociopaths who take The Matrix as scripture. Each stop on this trip is stranger than the last—a Tunnel outside of time, a zero gravity Geyser, the compound of motivational-speaking avatar—with everyone barreling toward the tour&’s iconic final stop Ghost City, where unbeknownst to our travelers the answer to who is running the simulation may await. When We Were Real is a tour-de-force and exploration of what really matters, even in an artificial world.
When We Were Vikings
by Andrew MacDonaldSometimes life isn’t as simple as heroes and villains. For Zelda, a twenty-one-year-old Viking enthusiast who lives with her older brother, Gert, life is best lived with some basic rules: 1. A smile means “thank you for doing something small that I liked.” 2. Fist bumps and dabs = respect. 3. Strange people are not appreciated in her home. 4. Tomatoes must go in the middle of the sandwich and not get the bread wet. 5. Sometimes the most important things don’t fit on lists. But when Zelda finds out that Gert has resorted to some questionable—and dangerous—methods to make enough money to keep them afloat, Zelda decides to launch her own quest. Her mission: to be legendary. It isn’t long before Zelda finds herself in a battle that tests the reach of her heroism, her love for her brother, and the depth of her Viking strength. When We Were Vikings is an uplifting debut about an unlikely heroine whose journey will leave you wanting to embark on a quest of your own, because after all... We are all legends of our own making.
When We Were Vikings
by Andrew David MacDonaldIndie Next Pick for February 2020 Book of the Month January 2020 LibraryReads January 2020 Pick Bookreporter New Release Spotlight New York Post &“Best Books of the Week&” Goodreads &“January&’s Most Anticipated New Books&” The Saturday Evening Post &“10 Books for the New Year&” PopSugar &“Best Books in January&” Book Riot Best Winter New Releases &“Zelda is a marvel, a living, breathing three-dimensional character with a voice so distinctive she leaps off the page.&” —The New York Times &“Heartwarming and unforgettable.&” —PeopleFor Zelda, a twenty-one-year-old Viking enthusiast who lives with her older brother, Gert, life is best lived with some basic rules: 1. A smile means &“thank you for doing something small that I liked.&” 2. Fist bumps and dabs = respect. 3. Strange people are not appreciated in her home. 4. Tomatoes must go in the middle of the sandwich and not get the bread wet. 5. Sometimes the most important things don&’t fit on lists. But when Zelda finds out that Gert has resorted to some questionable—and dangerous—methods to make enough money to keep them afloat, Zelda decides to launch her own quest. Her mission: to be legendary. It isn&’t long before Zelda finds herself in a battle that tests the reach of her heroism, her love for her brother, and the depth of her Viking strength. &“A most welcome and wonderful debut&” (Tyrell Johnson, author of The Wolves of Winter), When We Were Vikings is an uplifting debut about an unlikely heroine whose journey will leave you wanting to embark on a quest of your own, because after all...we are all legends of our own making.
When We Were Young
by Richard Roper'Such a warm, uplifting read. It's a celebration of the bond we have with our oldest friends, and it's so funny' Beth O'Leary'A brilliant, funny, insightful exploration of friendship, which properly made me laugh and cry' Laura Marshall---------Theo has been living in his parents' shed, nursing a broken heart and a wounded ego, convinced life can't get any worse. Then he gets evicted on his 30th birthday. Theo thinks he's done with the real world - until it shows up on his doorstep...Joel is a successful TV scriptwriter, still in love with his teenage sweetheart. A proper grown-up - and yet he's falling apart at the seams. He's headed home to reconnect with best friend Theo - except they haven't spoken since the summer they turned 16.One of them is keeping a secret, and the other is living a lie. But can the promise they once made to walk all 184 miles of the Thames Path help them find their way back to the truth - and to their friendship?A tender and funny story about wanting to go back - when you know it's time to move on.---------'An uplifting and redemptive journey' Steven Rowley'A beautifully bittersweet tale about the enduring power of friendship, reminding us how sometimes the best way to face life's biggest challenges is to take them one step at a time with your best friend by your side' Oliver Sands'An absorbing and heartfelt tale of past mistakes and friendship lost but never forgotten. A joyful summer read' Owen Nicholls---------Your favourite authors loved reading Richard Roper's uplifting first novel, Something to Live For:'A magnificent read. Tender, funny, compelling' Lucy Foley'Funny, moving and thought-provoking - I loved this' Clare Mackintosh'I adored this! It warmed my heart, broke it a little, then put it back together' Beth O'Leary'Funny, fresh and achingly tender. Richard's writing hooked me in from the very first page' Cathy Bramley'A life-affirming novel that simultaneously tweaks your funny-bone and tugs at your heartstrings. Brilliant!' Matt Dunn'It pulls you in, makes you laugh and breaks your heart' Gill Hornby
When Werewolves Attack: A Guide to Dispatching Ravenous Flesh-Ripping Beasts
by Del Howison&“Without a doubt the ultimate guide to werewolves&”—and survival tips for when the snarling shapeshifters go on the prowl (HorrorNews.net). The history of lycanthropes stretches back to man&’s beginnings. From cave drawings and tribal folklore to the Inquisition and the twentieth century, man&’s fascination with werewolves has never wavered. The field of study has been ripped wide open with new information uncovered daily. Now there is finally a book that covers all the diverse elements of these cursed but greatly misunderstood creatures. From the bloodstained history of Europe and into the New World, especially the United States, these creatures have been documented like no other. But there is also a need for practical information. When Werewolves Attack supplies just that type of insight. How do you detect a werewolf when they are in human form? What if a family member is a werewolf? How do you defend yourself from an attack, in terms of weaponry and fortification, whether you are inside or out in the woods? How do you escape from an attack of savage lycanthropes? Don&’t be caught flat-footed again. This is the field guide everybody needs to protect themselves and their family.
When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?
by George CarlinA riotous journey through the mind of one of America's premier comic observers.
When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?: An Orgy Of George Including Brain Droppings, Napalm And Silly Putty, And When Will Jesus Bring The Pork Chops?
by George CarlinOn the heels of George Carlin's #1 New York Times bestseller Napalm & Silly Putty comes When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?--infused with Carlin's trademark irreverent humor and biting cultural observations.Here we go again . . . George Carlin's hilarious When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops? offers his cutting-edge opinions and observational humor on everything from evasive euphemistic language to politicians to the media to dead people. Nothing and no one is safe!Despite the current climate of political correctness, Carlin is not afraid to take on controversial topics: Carlin on the media: The media comprises equal parts business, politics, advertising, public relations, and show business. Nice combination. Enough bull for Texas to open a chain of branch offices. Carlin on the battle of the sexes: Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid. Carlin on hygiene: When did they pass a law that says the people who make my sandwich have to be wearing gloves? I'm not comfortable with this. I don't want glove residue all over my food; it's not sanitary. Who knows where these gloves have been? Carlin on evasive language: Just to demonstrate how far using euphemisms in language has gone, some psychologists are now actually referring to ugly people as those with "severe appearance deficits." Hey, Doctor. How's that for "denial"? Carlin on politics: No self-respecting politician would ever admit to working in the government. They prefer to think of themselves "serving the nation." To help visualize the service they provide the country, you may wish to picture the things that take place on a stud farm.The thinking person's comic who uses words as weapons, Carlin puts voice to issues that capture the modern imagination. For instance, why are there Ten Commandments? Are UFOs real? What will the future really be like? This brand-new collection tackles all that and more.In When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops? Carlin's razor-sharp observations demolish everyday values and leave you laughing out loud--delivering exactly what his countless fans have been waiting for.
When You Are Engulfed in Flames
by David SedarisEssays by Sedaris on a variety of subjects including a parasitic worm that once lived in his mother-in-law's leg, an encounter with a dingo, the recreational use of an external catheter, buying a human skeleton, and trying to quit smoking in Japan. Sedaris describes the events in his essays as "realish".
When You Are Engulfed in Flames
by David SedarisTrying to make coffee when the water is shut off, David considers using the water in a vase of flowers and his chain of associations takes him from the French countryside to a hilariously uncomfortable memory of buying drugs in a mobile home in rural North Carolina. In essay after essay, Sedaris proceeds from bizarre conundrums of daily life-having a lozenge fall from your mouth into the lap of a fellow passenger on a plane or armoring the windows with LP covers to protect the house from neurotic songbirds-to the most deeply resonant human truths.
When You Are Engulfed In Flames
by David SedarisDavid Sedaris's remarkable ability to uncover the hilarious absurdity teeming just below the surface of everyday life is elevated to wilder and more entertaining heights than ever in this new book of stories.Sedaris proceeds from bizarre conundrums of daily life - the etiquette of having a lozenge fall from your mouth into the lap of a fellow passenger or how to soundproof your windows with LP covers against neurotic songbirds - to the most deeply resonant human truths. Taking in the parasitic worm that once lived in his mother-in-law's leg, an encounter with a dingo and the purchase of a human skeleton, and culminating in a brilliant account of his attempt to quit smoking - in Tokyo - David Sedaris's sixth story collection is a fresh masterpiece of comic writing.
When You Are Engulfed In Flames
by David SedarisDavid Sedaris's remarkable ability to uncover the hilarious absurdity teeming just below the surface of everyday life is elevated to wilder and more entertaining heights than ever in this new book of stories.Sedaris proceeds from bizarre conundrums of daily life - the etiquette of having a lozenge fall from your mouth into the lap of a fellow passenger or how to soundproof your windows with LP covers against neurotic songbirds - to the most deeply resonant human truths. Taking in the parasitic worm that once lived in his mother-in-law's leg, an encounter with a dingo and the purchase of a human skeleton, and culminating in a brilliant account of his attempt to quit smoking - in Tokyo - David Sedaris's sixth story collection is a fresh masterpiece of comic writing.
When You Find Out the World Is Against You: And Other Funny Memories About Awful Moments
by Kelly Oxford“Kelly is part geek, part freak. When You Find Out The World Is Against You shows us ourselves: our sensitivities, our awkward moments, our strange desires. She takes us through summer camp, dating, rape culture, Trump, death . . . Kelly Oxford c’est moi.” — James Franco“Two things I’m grateful for: how imperfect Kelly Oxford is at life and decision-making, and how terrific she is at writing about what a goddamn mess she is.” — Patton Oswalt“Kelly Oxford’s writing is hilarious and fearless. She’s the badass Canadian sister I never had.” — Mindy Kaling“I have worshipped the mind of Kelly Oxford for eons. Kelly Oxford’s concise, whip-smart observations feel eerily universal. When You Find Out the World is Against You shows that there is something to be learned from even the most absurd or devastating moments of life.” — Jill Soloway“Kelly Oxford is a beautiful writer. She finds beauty in the mundane and humor in everyday eccentricities. She is our present-day, funny Joan Didion.” — Gia Coppola
When You Lie About Your Age, the Terrorists Win: Reflections on Looking in the Mirror
by Carol LeiferStand-up comic and comedy writer Carol Leifer faced a critical dilemma and had only two options: either continue sharing her greatest childhood memory (seeing the Beatles at Shea Stadium in 1966) or lie about her age. But the choice soon became clear: "I see now that when you deny your age, you deny yourself, and when you lie about your age, you become your inauthentic twin. But most important, when you lie about your age, they win. (And of course by 'they,' I mean the terrorists)." Now, in this uproarious book, Leifer reveals all--her age, her outlook, her life philosophy--no holds barred.
When You Look Like Your Passport Photo, It's Time to Go Home
by Erma BombeckThe popular humorist offers tips and truisms on travel, discussing oddly named food, Asian bus drivers in Germany, plumbing around the world, and more.
When You Read This: 'Deeply moving but also uplifting, Mary Adkins' debut novel is easy to read but hard to forget' - Anne Youngson
by Mary Adkins'Deeply moving but also uplifting' Anne Youngson, author of Meet Me at the MuseumFor four years, Iris Massey worked side by side with PR maven Smith Simonyi, helping clients perfect their brands. But Iris has died, taken by terminal illness at only thirty-three. Adrift without his friend and colleague, Smith is surprised to discover that in her last six months, Iris created a blog filled with sharp and often funny musings on the end of a life not quite fulfilled. She also made one final request: for Smith to get her posts published as a book. With the help of his charmingly eager, if overbearingly forthright, new intern Carl, Smith tackles the task of fulfilling Iris's last wish. Before he can do so, though, he must get the approval of Iris's big sister Jade, an haute cuisine chef who's been knocked sideways by her loss. Each carrying their own baggage, Smith and Jade end up on a collision course with their own unresolved pasts and with each other. Funny and moving in equal measures, When You Read This is a sparkling debut about love, life, and all the emails you really wish you'd never sent.Praise for When You Read This:'Thought-provoking, tear-jerking, funny - and [with] a delectable literary twist' Refinery29 'A touching, funny and life-affirming tale' Publishers Weekly'As with Maria Semple's Where'd You Go Bernadette, Adkins's debut novel is so much more than its clever style . . . [it] feels miraculous and leaves a lasting impression long after its final moment' Val Emmich, author of The Reminders'This gentle tragicomedy . . . deals sensitively with loss' Daily MailWhat reviewers have said about When You Read This:'A marvellous, funny, poignant and uplifting book . . . I hope you enjoy it as much as I did''I could not put it down . . . a very original and emotional read''What a delight this book is! . . . touched my heart and made me laugh''I read it in a single sitting, enjoying every minute of it''This book is a treasure. Every character is so full and unforgettable. Sad and funny and hopeful'