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Die Before I Wake
by Laurie BretonJust five days after they meet, Julie Hanrahan and Dr. Thomas Larkin exchange vows on a moonlit Caribbean beach, the whirlwind conclusion to a romance that's swept her off her feet. Tom is sexy, witty and charming and Julie's sure she's found her Prince Charming.But not every fairy tale ends happily ever after.With a workaholic husband, a hostile mother-inlaw and a resentful stepdaughter, the honeymoon doesn't last long. Especially after Julie finds out that Tom's first wife didn't die in an accident after all. The cops called her death a suicide, but Julie is convinced that somebody helped Beth over the side of the Swift River Bridge.Every marriage has its secrets. Julie is starting to wonder if she'll survive discovering the truth about hers...or die before she wakes.
Die Laughing: Killer Jokes for Newly Old Folks
by William NovakFrom the co-creator of the celebrated Big Book of Jewish Humor comes a laugh-out-loud collection of jokes about growing older that makes fun of memory loss, marriages, medicine, sex, the afterlife, and much more, making this the perfect gift for almost anyone who was born before you were.Growing older can be unsettling and surprising. (How on earth did this happen? Where did the years go?) So what better way to deal with this new stage of life than to laugh about your new reality? Die Laughing includes more than enough jokes (not to mention cartoons!) to let that laughter burst out. Whether it's dealing with doctors, dating in one's seventies, or unexpected bodily changes (not to mention funny noises), some things are easier to face with a smile of recognition. That's why Die Laughing is the perfect gift for your parents, anyone celebrating a significant birthday, or any boomer with a sense of humor whose age begins with a six or higher.
Die Rebellion der Kaninchen: Niedlich, aber gefährlich
by A. P. HernándezDie Kaninchen proben den Aufstand und wollen die Welt kontrollieren. Sie verhexen die Menschen mit ihrer Niedlichkeit und bringen sie dazu, ihnen bedingungslos zu gehorchen. David und seine Freunde Raquel, Matías und Nicolás stehen vor einer wichtigen Mission: die Welt retten!
Die Shopping-Therapeutin: Mission Makellos
by Colette KebellSchaufensterbummel! Hassen Sie diesen Begriff nicht auch? Es ist, als würde man in einen Süßwarenladen gehen und nichts kaufen können. Oder als wüsste man nicht, was man zuerst kaufen soll. Und genau das ist mein Geschäft: Ich helfe den Leuten, die richtige Wahl zu treffen. Ich bin eine dieser Modeberaterinnen, die heutzutage in der Oberschicht sehr beliebt sind, obwohl ich schon vor Jahren damit angefangen habe. Die richtige Kleidung für den richtigen Anlass zu wählen, ist keine leichte Aufgabe: Die Kleidung muss zur Persönlichkeit passen und sie, wenn möglich, unterstreichen. In dieser Geschichte geht es darum, wie ich das Hamsterrad in einer Anwaltskanzlei hinter mir gelassen habe und meinem Traum gefolgt bin, Modeberaterin zu werden. Ich glaube, ich bin mehr als das: Ich bin Shopping-Therapeutin, und ich bin mir sicher, dass Sie es kaum erwarten können, zu erfahren, wie ich angefangen habe und wie ich meinen Kunden dabei geholfen habe, endlich fabelhaft auszusehen! Also, worauf warten Sie noch? Beeilen Sie sich, klicken Sie auf den "Kaufen"-Button oben und machen Sie sich bereit, in die geheimnisvolle Welt einer Berkshire Shopping-Therapeutin einzutauchen.
Die heiligen Götter des Weltraums
by Martin LundqvistDer wohlhabende und von Demenz geplagte Bösewicht Abraham Goldstein ist weit genug in die Zukunft gelungen um ein unplausibles "geheimes" Projekt zu finanzieren, in den Himmel zu reisen und Gott zu begegnen. Gegen jede Logik funktioniert die Maschine und Abraham findet heraus, dass Gott tot ist und dass Jahwe in seinem Selbstmordbrief die Schaltpläne für den Bewusstseinkontrollenchip hinterlassen hat, mit dem er Menschen aus der Bronzezeit davon überzeugt hat, dass er ein Gott wäre. Mit diesen Schaltplänen beginnt er ein neues Projekt: Er erschafft eine künstliche Welt aus der Bronzezeit, in der er "Gott" über ihre Bewohner sein kann. Auf dem Weg dorthin sieht er sich mit vielen höchst amüsanten Szenarien konfrontiert, wie Problemen mit der Handlangergewerkschaft, unglücklichen Kalenderfehlern, fehlerhaften orbitalen Superwaffen usw. Abraham versaut weiterhin Dinge aufgrund seiner Demenz, Schurkerei, inkompetenten Handlanger und allgemeinen Dummheiten, bis eine geisteskranke Frau aus dem Nichts auftaucht und Abrahams Torheiten beendet!
Died to Match (Wedding Planner #2)
by Deborah DonnellyIt was a wedding no one would forget... Luke Skywalker was juggling martini glasses. Albert Einstein was dirty-dancing with Monica Lewinsky. And Zorro was arguing with Death himself. For wedding planner Carnegie Kincaid, it was just another night on the job: a coed bachelor party thrown by one of Seattle's hippest couples--the bride-to-be a hard-charging Microsoft millionaire, the groom a Seattle Sentinel news editor. But what started as the perfect evening for the young, handsome, and politically correct ended in disaster. One beautiful bridesmaid was dead, and another had thrown herself into Elliott Bay. Now Carnegie has more than a cutting-edge wedding to save. All around her, secret liaisons are unraveling, dangerous decisions are coming to light, and at least one criminal is lurking. With families to please, dresses to hem, and headlines to grab, Carnegie is discovering the dark side of love and marriage amid high and low Seattle society--and that while some passions may be forever, some are a motive for murder. . . .
Differently Morphous
by Yahtzee CroshawDifferently Morphous is the latest and greatest tale to emerge from the mind of writer Yahtzee Croshaw (Mogworld, Jam, Will Save the Galaxy for Food).A magical serial killer is on the loose, and gelatinous, otherworldly creatures are infesting the English countryside. Which is making life for the Ministry of Occultism difficult, because magic is supposed to be their best kept secret.After centuries in the shadows, the Ministry is forced to unmask, exposing the country's magical history--and magical citizens--to a brave new world of social media, government scrutiny, and public relations.On the trail of the killer are the Ministry's top agents: a junior operative with a photographic memory (and not much else), a couple of overgrown schoolboys with godlike powers, and a demonstrably insane magician.But as they struggle for results, their superiors at HQ must face the greatest threat the Ministry has ever known: the forces of political correctness . . .
Digby Takes Charge
by Caroline Jayne ChurchAges 4-7 Digby is a sheepdog with a mission: to get six silly sheep herded into the pen. Easy-peasy, right? But these sheep won't be told where to go or what to do. It is only with the help of his barnyard friends--and one very important word--that Digby learns how to get what he wants.
Digestion! The Musical
by Adam RexThe Magic School Bus: Inside the Human Body meets Hamilton in this hilarious picture book about the most basic process of the human body: digesting food! Candy's made it. She's finally here: the human body! This intrepid sweet treat meets each of the human body's organs as she approaches her "big break": being successfully digested! Here is the scientific process of digestion as you've never seen it before—told through a musical, with Candy in the role of the small-town kid who wants to make it big, the baby carrots as the Greek chorus narrating all the action, and cameos from every body part that plays an important role in transforming food from ingredients to nutrition.From beloved duo Adam Rex and Laura Park comes a genuinely educational, laugh-out-loud Broadway musical of a book about an epic adventure through the human body, from bite to bottom.REAL SCIENCE PRESENTED IN A FUN WAY: The text has countless facts about the human body, teaches readers how the body works, and includes all kinds of "teachable moments." GLOSSARY: A glossary in the back explains the function of all organs we encounter in the book. ENCOURAGES CREATIVITY: The book is an invented fable and will make kids excited to write their own fables or musicals. OUTRAGEOUSLY FUNNY: The over-the-top humor is perfect for fans of Goodnight Already!, The Day the Crayons Quit, and the Mother Bruce series. POPULAR AUTHOR: Acclaimed kids book creator Adam Rex is known for his funny and smart books. The winner of countless state list awards, Rex is the author of beloved books including, On Account of The Gum, Frankenstein Makes a Sandwich, School's First Day of School, and many more. Perfect for:Fans of Adam RexParents and grandparentsTeachers and librarians
Digger the Dinosaur (My First I Can Read)
by Rebecca DotlichDigger the Dinosaur may be huge, but he has the heart of a preschooler. He loves to help but gets mixed up a lot. In Digger the Dinosaur, Digger wants to play baseball with his friends. But he isn’t allowed to go out until he’s cleaned his room. Digger starts cleaning at top speed, but the faster he moves the messier his room gets. His big tail and big feet aren’t helping! Will Digger win the race to tidy his room and get to the game on time? Gynux’s full-color illustrations capture Digger’s lovable personality. Digger the Dinosaur is a My First I Can Read book. That means it’s perfect for shared reading with a child.
Digger the Dinosaur and the Cake Mistake (My First I Can Read)
by Rebecca DotlichReaders will roar with laughter as Digger the Dinosaur mixes up silly phrases in his second fully illustrated I Can Read title.Today is the big dino party! Digger and Dadasaur take a ride into town to get a cake, but before long, they get lost. Can Momasaur help Digger before it’s too late? Or will Digger and Dadasaur have to go home cakeless?Beginning readers will learn common sight words and simple phonics sounds. Digger the Dinosaur and the Cake Mistake is a My First I Can Read book, which means it’s perfect for shared reading with a child.
Digger the Dinosaur and the Play Day (My First I Can Read)
by Rebecca DotlichDigger the Dinosaur is starring in a play! But will he remember all the lines he has to say? Young children just learning to read will enjoy the warmth and humor of this My First I Can Read story about a little dinosaur who keeps trying, no matter what.Author Rebecca Kai Dotlich is a poet and picture book author of such titles as What Is Science? and Lemonade Sun (an American Booksellers "Pick of the Lists"). Her work is featured widely in poetry anthologies and textbooks. My First I Can Read books are ideal for sharing with emergent readers.
Digger the Dinosaur and the Wrong Song (My First I Can Read)
by Rebecca DotlichIt's Stego's birthday and Digger knows the perfect present to give his best friend—a song! But when Digger mixes up the words, things get super silly.Join Digger the Dinosaur in all his I Can Read adventures!
Diggers (Bromeliad Trilogy #2)
by Terry PratchettTerry Pratchett's lovable nomes return in "Diggers," the second book of the Bromeliad trilogy. It's an improvement on the first book "Truckers," with a steadier pace and a new twist on this tiny-aliens-among-us plotline. It gets a bit silly at times, but doesn't wear out its welcome.When last seen, the peculiar, lovable nomes had managed to drive a truck away from the Arnold Bros. store, and had set up a new home in an abandoned quarry. Masklin and his little band are doing fine, although many of the more pampered nomes are having to get used to the idea of farming and living in a place with no heating and too much open space.Then everything changes. A human brings a paper to the quarry, and the nomes learn that the quarry is going to be reopened -- and the nomes risk discovery unless they can find a new place to live. When Masklin ventures off to the mysterious Florida, to find the descendent of Arnold Bros., a fanatic called Nisodemus takes the opportunity to rally the nomes in rebellion. Just then, Dorcas (a sort of nome technogeek) reveals the Cat (a bulldozer), which might help them against the humans.Terry Pratchett seems to have found more solid footing in "Diggers." The book feels a lot steadier and surer, now that he's established the groundwork. He weaves in a little subtle social commentary (particularly on religious fanatics); it's not as subtle as it could be, but it isn't too annoying."Diggers" is also faster-moving than "Truckers." His sense of quirky humor (like the idea of Florida being made of orange juice) is present constantly, but he doesn't do it in a mean-spirited way. You laugh with the innocent nomes, not at them. Probably the biggest problem is that "Diggers" ends on a cliffhanger of sorts, with the line "I'd very much like to know what Masklin has been doing these past few weeks."Masklin and the Thing aren't present for most of the story; they show up again in the third book, "Wings." So most of the focus is on Grimma, the girl Masklin wants to marry, and Dorcas the nome technogeek. Their characters are well-drawn, and their struggles to deal with the fanatical nome is tense and well-plotted.While it's not his best work, Terry Pratchett is in good form in the second book of the Bromeliad trilogy. "Diggers" is a good return for the nomes, and a fun fantasy read.
Digging
by Kim Campbell ThorntonIf there's more dirt on your dog than in the garden, then chances are you've got a doggy digging problem. The publisher of Dog Fancy magazine and Kim Campbell Thornton, an expert on dog behavior and former Dog Fancy editor, have written a book of solutions on how to keep your pets paws out of the dirt. Humorously written and illustrated, this easy-to-read book is packed with real information about why dogs dig and provides valuable solutions to all your dog's digging problems.
Digging Stars: A Novel
by Novuyo Rosa TshumaA National Book Foundation Science + Literature Selection “Tshuma is nuanced yet explosive as she explores the intersection of science, identity and grief.… [A] smart, incisive novel.” —Weike Wang, New York Times Book Review Blending drama and satire while examining the complexities of colonialism, racism, and what it means to be American, Digging Stars probes the emotional universes of love, friendship, family, and nationhood.With admission to The Program, an elite interdisciplinary graduate cohort at the forefront of astronomy and technology, Rosa’s dreams are finally within reach. Her research into the cosmos follows in the footsteps of her astronomer father’s revolutionary work in Bantu geometries and Indigenous astronomies. A bona fide genius, he transformed the scientific landscape by fusing the best of Western and Indigenous scientific thought. Yet since his death during her childhood, Rosa has been plagued by anxiety attacks she dubs “The Terrors”—and by unresolved questions about her father’s life. Who is his mysterious friend Mr. C? Who was her father, really?Ambitious, hungry for success, and determined to soar, Rosa joins the ranks of America’s smartest. Her cohort of talented Fellows includes Shaniqua, her roommate, who is analyzing melanin molecules and their capacity to conduct electricity; Richard, an expert in quantum mechanics; Mausi, studying Indigenous American scientific thought; and Péralte, Rosa’s estranged stepbrother whose obsessive videogaming has inspired him to become a programmer. Her classmates challenge Rosa’s understanding of identity, personhood, the ethics of technology, and, most painfully, her adulation of her father, whose legacy is more complicated than it appears.Digging Stars is a paean to the cosmos and a celebration of the democratic spirit of knowledge. Novuyo Rosa Tshuma’s characters explode the rigid matrices of the academy to prove that science, art, technology, and history are all planets orbiting the same sun.
Digging Up Mother: A Love Story
by Johnny Depp Doug StanhopeAfter enjoying early success as co-host of The Man Show with Joe Rogan, the past twenty years of Doug Stanhope's career can be seen as a subversive insider attack against the "bro-code" he helped to launch. Following a very singular career arc, Stanhope turned his back on Hollywood and toured relentlessly for years, performing up to 200 shows a year. He's a giant cult comedian with a fiercely loyal audience. His material is abrasive and often offensive, but it also relies on a bullshit-free, hardcore, outraged, truth-telling perspective in the tradition of the late Bill Hicks. Stanhope's memoir is sure to rub many the wrong way, but not without causing fits of uncontrollable laughter in the process.
Dignity Takes a Holiday
by Rick R. ReedPete Thickwhistle doesn't live what one might call a charmed life. At age forty-seven, he's a flamboyant gay man who believes no one knows he's gay, still living at home with his harpy of a mother. Worse, he's still a virgin, longing to find just the right man to make his life complete. Pete's an upbeat kind of guy, yet he's never learned that the answer to his motto "What could possibly go wrong?" is always: "Everything." Pete's road to love and happiness is full of potholes, yet he never tires of searching, despite job losses, weight battles, clothing faux pas, and disastrous vacations, parties, and dating debacles. Pete is the ultimate underdog living a television situation comedy, one named Dignity Takes a Holiday.
Dilbert Gives You the Business: A Dilbert Book (Dilbert #14)
by Scott AdamsEveryone who reads DILBERT and works in an office will appreciate this collection, Dilbert Gives You the Business.Creator Scott Adams tells it like it is through the insane business world inhabited by Dilbert. If frustration and lunacy are an inevitable part of your workday, appropriate measures must be taken immediately. Andrews McMeel has the perfect antidote to your workplace stress. Dilbert is universally recognized as the definitive source of office humor. What makes this 14th Dilbert book so unique is that it is a collection of the most popular strips requested by fans for reprints and downloads from Dilbert.com gathered together. Arranged by topics for quick reference, this hilarious book is the comprehensive Dilbert source book, sure to alleviate work burnout. Packed within these colorful pages, fans will find all their favorite characters, including Dilbert, as he encounters daily issues from delegating to decision-making, trade shows to telecommuting, and downsizing to annoying coworkers. It's business as usual for the Dilbert clan. . . . Dilbert is continually updating his resume, Dogbert continues his pursuit of world domination, Wally strives to do the least amount of work possible, and Alice is eternally frustrated by the Boss. Welcome to the all-too-familiar world of Dilbert-the lowly engineer who has become an icon for oppressed and burntout workers everywhere!The most popular business-oriented cartoon in the world, Dilbert speaks to millions of fans who toil in the corporate trenches. No matter how outrageous a tale he spins, Dilbert creator Scott Adams inserts sufficient nuggets of truth in every strip to keep his believers laughing. In part, that's because Dilbert is based on his own former corporate experiences-and is kept current by culling inspiration from the 350-plus E-mails he receives each day. Keep Dilbert Gives You the Business close at hand-as you would your phone book, Internet diversion tool, browser, and any other work.
Dilbert: A Dilbert Book (Dilbert #16)
by Scott AdamsEveryone who's in business, works for a business, or even just gives others the business is amazed: Scott Adams never lacks for yet another way to lampoon the corporate world. It's not that Adams is anti-business. He's more anti-bad boss than anything. But poor management practices, the effects of bad decisions, and what it all means for the average worker add up to more comedic material than even the man who created Dilbert can tame.Since Dilbert was first syndicated in 1989, Adams has built a following that would be the envy of any corporate sales and marketing team. His work not only generates howls from readers as they rush to plaster it on lunch-room refrigerators and scan it into interoffice e-mails, it has those same fans reading about "their" workplaces every Sunday in a multiple-panel, color format. And that's what this treasury, The Collected Dilbert Sundays, provides. This collection offers yet another glimpse into the zany life of Dilbert, Dogbert, Ratbert, and the rest of the crazy cube crew through the masterpiece Sunday comics. Here's even more of the great Adams's irony, sarcasm, and satire that so many have come to depend upon to cope with the corporate workplace. The Collected Dilbert Sundays humorously continues the tradition of poking fun at the world of business from which we all seek to temporarily escape.
Dilly Dally Daisy
by Mark FearingGet ready with Daisy the dawdler as she tries (really!) to get it together in this very real, very funny spin on dilly dallying. Daisy Marsha Martin is always late. For good reasons, of course. She’s busy saving the world, or teaching her stuffed animals to dance, or finding the perfect shirt to wear. But if Daisy is late one more time, then it’s no more mermaid swim class for her!This is the perfect story for fans of everyday silliness and for every kid who has been told to stop dawdling.
Dim Wit: The Funniest, Stupidest Things Ever Said
by Rosemarie Jarski'They misunderestimated me' George W. Bush Einstein said only two things are infinite - the universe and human stupidity. So in deference to the dumbing down of our culture, comes Dim Wit - a collection of the most jaw-droppingly stupid things ever said. The cast includes every famous foot-in-mouther from George W Bush to Prince Philip, Paris Hilton to Jade Goody, not to mention hundreds of unsung idiots plucked from villages the world over. The result is a confederacy of dunces more pro-fun than profound - a clever witticism may coax an inward smile but it takes a really stupid remark to deliver a belly laugh. So pick up Dim Wit and prepare to embrace your inner moron - it may be the smartest thing you do...'My grandma overheard two women talking in a doctor's surgery. After a while, one said to the other, "Do you know, Mary, I don't feel too well. I think I'll go home."' - Robyn Jankel'I don't think anyone should write his autobiography until after he's dead.' - Samuel Goldwyn 'Winston Churchill? Wasn't he the first black President of America? There's a statue of him near me - that's black.' - Danielle Lloyd
Dimension Why #2: Revenge of the Sequel (Dimension Why #2)
by John CusickJohn Cusick returns with the second hilarious installment of his middle grade duology about a 31st-century boy and a 21st-century girl who team up to save the universe. Phineas T. Fogg and Lola Ray may have just saved the universe without really trying, but it’s going to take a lot of work to get Lola back home to the twenty-first century. Their only hope is to find Dimension Why. Good thing Lola’s father left her a map embossed on a Twinkie. But before Phin and Lola can begin their search, a mysterious girl, wearing a bathrobe and riding a dragon, absconds with the special snack cake! And, oh right, the mystery girl wants to destroy the universe! Now the two besties must travel the galaxy, escape the clutches of the Golden Cathedral, and face down the all-powerful evil AI of a floundering interstellar publishing company. As they begin to uncover the truth about their mysterious foe, Phineas and Lola realize that there’s more to this Twinkie-stealing, dragon-riding girl than meets the eye. Pop open a Maybe Meal, heat up some baked beans, and get ready to save the universe one last time, we promise . . . with the second book in this hilarious adventure series by acclaimed author John Cusick.
Dimples Delight (Orca Echoes)
by Frieda WishinskyLawrence hates being teased about his dimples, but nothing he does seems to make any difference. Joe goes right on teasing him, and the teasing gets meaner and meaner. Finally, Lawrence notices something about his friend Stewart that may provide the tool he needs to tease-proof himself once and for all.
Dinero a Mansalva (Mundodisco #Volumen 36)
by Terry PratchettEn esta trigésimo sexta entrega de la serie de fantasía de culto «Mundodisco», Terry Pratchett nos recuerda que el dinero es el motor del mundo siempre, incluso cuando el mundo es plano y se sostiene sobre cuatro elefantes subidos en una tortuga gigante. Se acaba de «liberar» -ejem- una importantísima vacante para dirigir, al tiempo, la casa de la moneda de Ankh-Morpork y el banco más importante de la ciudad. Y ¿quién mejor para ocuparla que Húmedo von Mustachen, ex delincuente y gran artista de las estafas, de encanto legendario? Es una oferta que no puede rechazarse. Sobre todo cuando la hace el despiadado tirano de la metrópoli, lord Vetinari. Es una suerte que Húmedo necesite distraerse de su rutina de funcionario. Imposible aburrirse cuando tiene que hacerse cargo de la reforma de unas prácticas bancarias centenarias, por no hablar de los empleados viciados, un cajero jefe posiblemente vampírico y un presidenteque hay que pasear cada día. Y menos mal que es un superviviente nato, porque su turbulento pasado está a punto de salir a la luz y el Gremio de Asesinos no tardará en dar con él... Ah, y además un mago de trescientos años persigue a su novia... Húmedo está haciendo enemigos por doquier, cuando lo que debería estar haciendo es... ¡dinero a mansalva! Reseña:«Tan brillante y reluciente como una moneda recién acuñada: ingenioso, ameno y para morirse de risa.»The Times