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Disparates: Essays
by Patrick MaddenIn English disparate means &“different&” or &“miscellaneous&”—apt descriptors of these essays by Patrick Madden. In Spanish, however, disparate means &“nonsense,&” &“folly,&” or &“absurdity,&”—words appropriate to Madden&’s goal of undercutting any notion that essays must be serious business. Thus, in this collection, the essays are frivolous and lively, aiming to make readers laugh while they think about such abstract subjects as happiness and memory and unpredictability. In this vein, Madden takes sidelong swipes at weighty topics via form, with wildly meandering essays, abandoned essays in honor of the long tradition of essayists disparaging their own efforts, and guerrilla essays—which slip in quietly under the guise of a borrowed form, abruptly attack, and promptly escape, leaving laughter and contemplation in their wake. Madden also incorporates cameos from guest essayists, including Mary Cappello, Matthew Gavin Frank, David Lazar, Michael Martone, Jericho Parms, and Wendy S. Walters, much like a musician features other performers.Disparates reflects the current zeitgeist by taking on important issues with a touch of cleverness, a dash of humor, and a little help from one&’s friends. Read Chapter 1.
Dispatches Volume One: What Men Don't Tell Women; One Fell Soup; and Camels Are Easy, Comedy's Hard
by Roy Blount Jr.Laugh-out-loud observations from &“America&’s foremost humorist&” (Chicago Tribune). What Men Don&’t Tell Women: Well, that&’s just for starters. Roy Blount Jr. realized that nearly all of his writing involved things people don&’t tell people: what Southerners don&’t tell Northerners, what the sick don&’t want to hear from the well, what no one would ever tell their mother, and what authors rarely admit to their readers. That all changes in this &“honest . . . funny&” collection of confessional essays about sex, friendship, marriage, male bonding, female patience, and Elvis (The Boston Globe). One Fell Soup: A deliciously funny stew of reviews, diatribes, investigations, meditations, assorted grumblings, and verse about the absurdities of American life, death, fears, and ambition. Included in these fifty-nine easy pieces: the truth (as Blount sees it) about nudism, cricket-fighting, bowling, macaroni and cheese, black holes and black socks, nuclear holocausts, the CIA, domesticated fowl, pork bellies, God, and more. The whole shebang from &“one of the most clever (see sly, witty, cunning, nimble) wordsmiths cavorting in the English language&” (Carl Hiaasen). Camels Are Easy, Comedy&’s Hard: Flesh-eating piranha! Synchronized swimming! Rubber chickens! Edith Wharton! Crossword puzzles! All and then some in this giddy compendium of essays, celebrity profiles, silly games, and side trips. Parts sports journalism, literary criticism, travel writing, and aborted novel, tossed with a few poems and a neo-Biblical one-act play, this is an uproarious—and sometimes heartening—anthology of adventures from &“one writer who never fails to please&” (The Village Voice).
Dispatches from Parts Unknown
by Bryan Bliss“The feel-good novel of the year.” —ALA Booklist (starred review)Julie knows it’s unusual that a professional wrestler runs a constant commentary on her life that only she can hear. But grief can be awfully funny sometimes. National Book Award nominee Bryan Bliss delivers a thought-provoking, one-of-a-kind novel about how to tread the line between moving on and holding on. Dispatches from Parts Unknown is for fans of David Arnold, Nina LaCour, and You’ve Reached Sam. Ever since her dad died three years ago, Julie has been surviving more than thriving. And surviving is sneaking into her parents’ closet when her mom is out, since it’s the only place that still sometimes smells like her dad. It’s roaming around the Mall of America. It’s pulling out the box of her dad’s VHS tapes, recordings of his favorite vintage professional wrestling matches.And it’s hearing the voice of the Masked Man in her head, running a commentary of her life.It’s embarrassing, really. Sure, he was her dad’s favorite wrestler, but that doesn’t mean she wants him in her head.As Julie finally starts to come out of the haze of grief, maybe she’ll finally figure out why that voice is there, and how to let it go.
Dispatches from the Tenth Circle: The Best of The Onion
by Joe Garden Mike Loew Scott Dikkers Robert Siegel Todd Hanson Carol Kolb John Krewson Maria Schneider Tim Harrod Chris KarwowskiBrutal satire that rushes into the far reaches of race, class, sexuality, and culture where many publications–and critics–fear to tread.
Disquiet, Please!
by David Remnick Henry FinderThe New Yorker is, of course, a bastion of superb essays, influential investigative journalism, and insightful arts criticism. But for eighty years, it's also been a hoot. In fact, when Harold Ross founded the legendary magazine in 1925, he called it "a comic weekly," and while it has grown into much more, it has also remained true to its original mission. Now an uproarious sampling of its funny writings can be found in a hilarious new collection, one as satirical and witty, misanthropic and menacing, as the first, Fierce Pajamas. From the 1920s onward-but with a special focus on the latest generation-here are the humorists who set the pace and stirred the pot, pulled the leg and pinched the behind of America. S. J. Perelman unearths the furious letters of a foreign correspondent in India to the laundry he insists on using in Paris ("Who charges six francs to wash a cummerbund?!"). Woody Allen recalls the "Whore of Mensa," who excites her customers by reading Proust (or, if you want, two girls will explain Noam Chomsky). Steve Martin's pill bottle warns us of side effects ranging from hair that smells of burning tires to teeth receiving radio broadcasts. Andy Borowitz provides his version of theater-lobby notices ("In Act III, there is full frontal nudity, but not involving the actor you would like to see naked"). David Owen's rules for dating his ex-wife start out magnanimous and swiftly disintegrate into sarcasm, self-loathing, and rage, and Noah Baumbach unfolds a history of his last relationship in the form of Zagat reviews.Meanwhile, off in a remote "willage" in Normandy, David Sedaris is drowning a mouse ("This was for the best, whether the mouse realized it or not").Plus asides, fancies, rebukes, and musings from Patty Marx, Calvin Trillin, Bruce McCall, Garrison Keillor, Veronica Geng, Ian Frazier, Roy Blount, Jr., and many others. If laughter is the best medicine, Disquiet, Please is truly a wonder drug.From the Hardcover edition.
Dissolving Classroom
by Junji ItoA pair of twisted siblings—Yuuma, a young man obsessed with the devil, and Chizumi, the worst little sister in recorded history—cause all sorts of tragic and terrifying things to happen wherever they go. These scary short stories will shock you with a literal interpretation of the ills that plague modern society.
Distillery Cats: Profiles in Courage of the World's Most Spirited Mousers
by Brad Thomas ParsonsDistillery Cats contains the whimsical tales of working cats in distilleries around the world, with charming illustrations of the beloved mousers. Distillery Cats cheekily tells the tale of the historical role of these spirited cats and their evolution from organic pest control to current brand ambassadors. James Beard Award-winning author (and noted cat enthusiast) Brad Thomas Parsons profiles 30 of the world's most adorable and lovable distillery cats, featuring "interviews," a hand-drawn portrait of each cat, plus trading card-style stat sheets with figures like "super-power" and "mice killed." Featuring 15 cocktail recipes to enjoy while you page through, Distillery Cats is a quirky but essential addition to any cat or spirits lover's bookshelf.
Disturbia
by Christopher FowlerA race against time turns into a rollicking scavenger hunt through London lore in this classic thriller from the award-winning author of the Peculiar Crimes Unit mysteries starring Bryant & May. When the city hits midnight, everyone becomes equal, and anything can happen. It’s 2 a.m. and Vincent Reynolds is running for his life through the storm-swept streets of London. The working-class reporter has discovered an explosive secret, and he’s determined to tell the world—as long as he stays alive until sunrise. His adversary: an English gentleman obsessed with puzzles, playing his deadliest game. His allies: a motley crew of insomniacs, misfits, and street people. His only hope: to solve a series of ten lethal challenges that will lead him from dusk to daybreak, through the night life of a secret city hidden even to its own inhabitants. Look for Christopher Fowler’s fantasy and horror classics, now available as ebooks: CALABASH | DISTURBIA | PSYCHOVILLE | RED GLOVES | ROOFWORLD | SPANKY
Disturbing His Peace: The Academy (The Academy #3)
by Tessa BaileyShe’s got probable cause to make her move . . . Danika Silva can’t stand Lt. Greer Burns. Her roommate’s older brother may be sexy as hell, but he’s also a cold, unfeeling robot. She just wants to graduate and forget about her scowling superior. But when a dangerous mistake lands Danika on probation—under Greer’s watch—she’s forced to interact with the big, hulking jerk. Call him daily to check in? Done. Ride shotgun in his cruiser every night? Done. Try not to climb into his giant, muscular lap and kiss him? Umm…Greer doesn’t let anything—or anyone—distract him from the job. Except lately, all he can think about is Danika. He’s wanted the beautiful, cocky recruit since the moment he saw her. But she’s reckless and unpredictable, and Greer is painfully aware of what can happen when an officer doesn’t follow the rules. Probation seemed like a good idea, but now Danika’s scent is in his car and he’s replayed her voicemails twenty times. Christ, he’s a goner. Danika’s melting Greer’s stone-cold exterior one ride-along at a time. Being together could have serious consequences… but breaking a few rules never hurt anybody, right?
Ditched by Dr. Right: And Other Distress Signals from the Edge of Polite Society
by Elizabeth WarnerIn witty slice-of-life vignettes and laugh-out-loud cultural riffs, Elizabeth Warner shares her divinely demented view of the world. Raised by a mild-mannered psychiatrist father and a slightly off-kilter mother, Warner opted out of the life that awaited the youth of WASP heaven (aka Philadelphia's Main Line)-that is, to be "typically weaned, whelped, and privately schooled, whereupon you move on to the roost-and-spawn phase. " Yet no matter how far afield she ventures-to New York to become a master junk-mail marketer or to L. A. to do a little acting-Warner can't help but feel that sometimes she's getting nowhere fast on "some kind of Protestant monorail to doom. " Whether she's spelling out the invisible word "help" on a guy's shoulder blades during unfulfilling sex, getting out of jury duty by smearing herself with soy sauce, or convincing her mother that the words "career girl" are not her death knell, Warner proves that sometimes it doesn't matter where you go in life-just as long as you've got a killer punch line.
Ditched: A Love Story
by Robin MellomThere's a Girl. Justina Griffith was never the girl who dreamed of going to the prom. Designer dresses and strappy heels? Not her thing. So never expected her best friend Ian Clark to ask her. There's a Boy. Ian, who always passed her the baseball bat, handle first. Ian, who knew exactly when she needed red licorice. Ian, who promised her the most amazing night at prom. Then There's a ditch. But when Justine is ditched, figuratively and literally, she must piece together--stain-by-stain on her thrift-store dress--exactly how she ended up dateless... With only the help of some opinionated ladies at the 7=-Eleven. To get the whole story Justine will have to face the boy who ditched her. Can losing out at her prom ultimately lead to finding true love? A three-legged chihuahua was involved along with a demolition derby-ready cadillac. And there was that incident at the tattoo parlor. Plus the flying leap from Brian Sontag's moving car....
Dive Bar, The Complete Collection: Dirty, Twist, and Chaser (Dive Bar)
by Kylie ScottNew York Times and USA Today bestselling author Kylie Scott has captured thousands of readers with her sexy Dive Bar series. Here together for the first time in a stellar boxed set at a discounted price are her beloved Dive Bar novels:DirtyThe last thing Vaughan Hewson expects to find when he returns to his childhood home is a broken hearted bride in his shower, let alone the drama and chaos that come with her.TwistWhen his younger brother loses interest in online dating, hot bearded bartender Joe Collins only intends to log into his account and shut it down. Until he reads about her. Alex Parks is funny, fascinating, and pretty much everything he's been looking for in a woman—except that she lives across the country. ChaserBartender and all round bad boy, Eric Collins, has come to a crossroads. It’s time to take life seriously and maybe even attempt to settle down. If only the person he was hoping to settle down with didn’t turn out to be pregnant.
Diversions: 50 Comic Short Stories
by Richard Markgraf50 comic pieces by the author which will keep you laughing for hours.
Diversão de Montão!
by Bernard Levine Diogo Dos SantosEsta é uma coleção de piadas divertidíssimas para proporcionar horas de alegria e entretenimento puro aos seus pequenos - parentes ou filhos. Prepare-se para dar muitas risadas!!!
Divertimento a palate!
by Simona Trapani Bernard LevineEcco una raccolta di barzellette esilaranti, per offrire ai vostri bambini ore di pura felicità e divertimento. Non riuscirete a smettere di ridere!!!
Divine Appointments: A Novel (A Snowglobe Connections Novel #2)
by Charlene BaumbichWith the big 5-0 fast approaching, Josie Brooks begins to question her structured, picture-perfect (mid)life. Josie Brooks, at the age of 47, thought she was leading an enviable single life. A successful consultant, she calls her own shots, goes where the money is, and never needs to compromise. But her precisely managed world begins to falter during a Chicago contract when an economic downturn, a bleeding heart boss, and the loyalty and kindness between endangered employees ding her coat of armor. Throw in hot flashes, a dose of loneliness, a peculiar longing for intimacy, an unquenchable thirst—not to mention a mysterious snowglobe with a serene landscape, complete with a flowing river and lush greenery that seems to be beckoning her in—and Josie&’s buttoned-up life is on the verge of coming completely undone. Maybe her solitary existence isn&’t as fulfilling as she has convinced herself to believe. It will take a few new friends, a mystical encounter, and an unexpected journey to set Josie on her own path to &“right-sizing&” and making the life changes that really matter. Filled with laugh-out loud moments and a gentle dash of inspiration, Divine Appointments is another heartwarming charmer from a master storyteller.
Divine Comedies
by William Steig Jeanne SteigBeloved children's book author Jeanne Steig gives some spice, pizzazz, and a little bit of cheek to well-known classic tales from the Old Testament and Greek mythology, filled with saucy illustrations by Caldecott winner and creator of Shrek!, William Steig.Who but Jeanne and William Steig would tackle retelling the Old Testament and the Greek myths? The cheekiest of the classic Steig books--The Old Testament Made Easy and A Gift from Zeus--turn the stories you know upside down and are bound together in this divine, deluxe edition for the first time.
Divine Intervention: Stories
by Robert SheckleyThis volume contains eleven stories not previously collected together and not included in any of the other classic Sheckley compendiums published by Open Road.In &“Sarkanger,&” Gregor and Arnold of the AAA Ace Interplanetary Decontamination Corporation take on an extermination job on Sarkan. Things get surprisingly complicated when the target vermin start arguing about who should be wiped out. The ten other stories in this collection are &“At the Conference of the Birds,&” &“The Destruction of Atlantis,&” &“Dial-a-Death,&” &“Divine Intervention,&” &“Love Song from the Stars,&” &“Message from Hell,&” &“The Necessary Thing,&” &“Robotvendor Rex,&” &“There Will Be No War after This One,&” and &“Wormworld.&”From the very beginning of his career, Robert Sheckley was recognized by fans, reviewers, and fellow authors as a master storyteller and the wittiest satirist working in the science fiction field. Open Road is proud to republish his acclaimed body of work, with nearly thirty volumes of full-length fiction and short story collections. Rediscover, or discover for the first time, a master of science fiction who, according to the New York Times, was &“a precursor to Douglas Adams.&”
Divine Misfortune
by A. Lee MartinezDIVINE MISFORTUNE is a story of gods and mortals---in worship, in love, and at parties. Teri and Phil had never needed their own personal god. But when Phil is passed up for a promotion - again-it's time to take matters into their own hands. And look online. Choosing a god isn't as simple as you would think. There are too many choices; and they often have very hefty prices for their eternal devotion: blood, money, sacrifices, and vows of chastity. But then they found Luka, raccoon god of prosperity. All he wants is a small cut of their good fortune. Oh -- and can he crash on their couch for a few days? Throw in a heartbroken love goddess and an ancient deity bent on revenge and not even the gods can save Teri and Phil.
Divinely Yours: A Novel (Girl Meets Class Ser. #3)
by Karin Gillespie“This funny, fantastical novel begins in a warped Heaven where angels fall in love, gossip and drink . . . ” —From the bestselling author of Love Literary Style (Good Housekeeping). Skye Sebring is a hospitality greeter inside the pearly gates of an unorthodox Heaven, where carefree and lusty angels get tipsy in the Live a Little Lounge, practice cloud art, and are guided by a brassy female deity who sounds and looks like Bette Midler. During the course of her duties, Skye meets lawyer Ryan Blaine, who has a brush with death due to a motorcycle accident. Only it’s not Ryan’s time to die yet, so he returns back to Earth, but Skye can’t get him out of her mind. She begins spying on Ryan’s life from her perch in heaven and even manages to follow him down to Earth. There she finds a world very different than Heaven, where drinking too much champagne results in hangovers, roses can prick fingers, and hearts are capable of being broken. All seems lost until Skye remembers that most of life’s lessons can be learned from the lyrics of five Beatles songs and one of the Fab Four’s songs might actually help win her the love of a lifetime. “Light, funny, and incredibly creative . . . an absolute joy to read.” —Curled Up With a Good Book “An extraordinarily unique romance . . . a divine romp laced with humor and charismatic characters with twists to the story that will surprise you.” —Romance Junkies
Divinely Yours: A Novel (Girl Meets Class Ser. #3)
by Karin Gillespie“This funny, fantastical novel begins in a warped Heaven where angels fall in love, gossip and drink . . . ” —From the bestselling author of Love Literary Style (Good Housekeeping). Skye Sebring is a hospitality greeter inside the pearly gates of an unorthodox Heaven, where carefree and lusty angels get tipsy in the Live a Little Lounge, practice cloud art, and are guided by a brassy female deity who sounds and looks like Bette Midler. During the course of her duties, Skye meets lawyer Ryan Blaine, who has a brush with death due to a motorcycle accident. Only it’s not Ryan’s time to die yet, so he returns back to Earth, but Skye can’t get him out of her mind. She begins spying on Ryan’s life from her perch in heaven and even manages to follow him down to Earth. There she finds a world very different than Heaven, where drinking too much champagne results in hangovers, roses can prick fingers, and hearts are capable of being broken. All seems lost until Skye remembers that most of life’s lessons can be learned from the lyrics of five Beatles songs and one of the Fab Four’s songs might actually help win her the love of a lifetime. “Light, funny, and incredibly creative . . . an absolute joy to read.” —Curled Up With a Good Book “An extraordinarily unique romance . . . a divine romp laced with humor and charismatic characters with twists to the story that will surprise you.” —Romance Junkies
Divino Martirio
by Silvia Piovesan Denisse CardonaUna commedia romantica che ti farà sospirare. Amanda, una ragazza newyorkese, stanca del suo capo, un vero sfruttatore, decide di licenziarsi e di prendersi delle meritate vacanze in South Carolina. Quando arriva alla bellissima casa sulla spiaggia che ha affittato, l'aspetta una gran sorpresa quando scopre che, per errore, il posto è stato affittato anche ad un'altra persona, Leo, l'uomo dei sogni, però allo stesso tempo un martirio. Non si possono proprio vedere. L'obiettivo di Leo: riunirsi con la donna della sua vita, che ha conosciuto su internet. Quello di Amanda: conquistarlo, evitando a tutti i costi che leui ritrovi Loraine.
Divinos Dioses Espaciales 2: Revolución para Dummies (Divinos Dioses Espaciales #2)
by Martin LundqvistKeila es la perfecta revolucionaria: No posee cosas como inteligencia, cordura o sentido común, Pero tiene algo mucho más importante: ¡Armadura de trama y la ayuda telepática de Rangda, la malvada demonio espacial! Este libro es la secuela de Dioses Divinos del Espacio: Las tonterías de Abraham y es una comedia negra y parodia de la Divina Sedición, del mismo autor. Es el año 2872 y la joven, bella, y completamente loca Keila Eisenstein está huyendo de su acosador milenario, el ContraAlmirante Bjorn Muller. Escapando de él una decimonovena vez, Keila se estrella en el asteroide colonia Edén, altamente reconocido como el escenario del eterno reality show “Los Tontos de la Era de Bronce” Convencida de que en Edén se encuentra su destino, Keila mata a la involuntariaestrella principal de “Los tontos de la edad de Bronce” Abraham Goldstein, lo que hace que el show se cancele. Keila simula su muerte al borrar su cuenta en redes sociales e insta a su amante Metatrón a que haga un comunicado de prensa culpando de la cancelación del show a Bjorn Muller. Bjorn, convencido de que Keila está muerta, ya que no puede imaginarse que ella haya borrado su cuenta de SpaceBook voluntariamente, vuelve a la Tierra para unas vacaciones. ¡Las vacaciones se ven arruinadas, ya que Bjorn es culpado por causar la cancelación del show favorito de todos! Estando “muerta” Keila construye un movimiento revolucionario contra el Concejo Terrestre opresor. A pesar de su falta de inteligencia y sentido común, su armadura de trama corre a su favor, y con la ayuda de la malvada demonio espacial Rangda, está destinada a liberar a la humanidad de la opresión del incompetente hato de villanos que forma el Concejo Terrestre. Pero ¿es realmente una buena idea confiar en una malvada demonio espacial para liberar a la humanidad de un grupo de opresores plutócratas?
Divinos Dioses Espaciales: Las tonterias de Abraham
by Martin LundqvistLo suficiente lejos de todo lo concebible en el futuro, un adinerado y demente villano Abraham Goldstein, es defraudado por un astuto científico, Jack Brown, para financiar un inverosímil proyecto "secreto" para viajar al Paraíso y ¡Conocer a Dios! Contra toda lógica la máquina termina funcionando.Abraham descubre que Dios está muerto y que Yahmeh en su carta suicida dejó los esquemas de un chip controlador de mentes que uso para convencer a los humanos de la Era de Bronce que que él era Dios. Obteniendo estos esquemas, Abraham se plantea un nuevo proyecto: el de crear una Era de Bronce artificial donde pueda ser 'Dios' sobre sus habitantes. En el camino, se enfrenta con muchos entretenidos escenarios con problemas como la union de sus secuaces, desafortunados errores de calendario, mal funcionamiento de la órbita, super armas, etc. Abraham sigue jodiendo las cosas debido a su demencia, villanía, secuaces incompetentes y estupidez general, hasta que una desquilibrada mujer se presenta de la nada y pone fin a los sinsentidos de Abraham.
Divorcees.biz
by Sylvie Paysac Eileen Thornton“J’espère que lon va avoir assez pour nourrir tout le monde ». Connie a franchi le seuil de l’énorme salle de banquet du prestigieux Hôtel Royale de Londres, portant à bout de bras un gâteau superbement décoré qui la dépassait de plus d’une tête. Si elle se baissait un peu plus, elle était certaine de trébucher sur l’ourlet de sa robe longue. “Qu’est-ce-que tu racontes?” Lucy lui a demandé en montrant la table. “On a une montagne de nourriture. Tu as oublié qu’il n’y a que cinq personnes d’inscrites ? « Nous quatre, qui avons organisé la soirée en premier lieu et ma tante qui ne vient que pour rigoler et qui n’est plus toute jeune ». “Oui, je le sais bien,” Connie a soupiré. “Mais tu ne te rends pas compte, c’est comme ça les soirées de lancements – arriver à intéresser plus de personnes à joindre le groupe et ...” Malheureusement à cet instant elle a trébuché sur l’ourlet de sa robe et est partie en avant. Le gâteau qu’elle tenait alors à bout de bras, s’est balancé dangereusement tandis qu’elle essayait de garder son équilibre. En voyant ce qui se passait, Lucy s'est précipitée et s’est débrouillée pour attraper le gâteau avant qu’il ne s’affale sur le sol. «Bon sang, ta robe est bien trop longue. Tu n’as pas autre chose à te mettre? » « Non ! »Connie lui a répondu. Elle a relevé la robe. « En tout cas pas avec moi. De plus j’ai payé une fortune pour cette robe de créateur et je la mettrais même si je dois mourir avec ». La robe bleu nuit avec son haut en paillettes lui avait paru si belle sur le mannequin dans la vitrine. Elle savait que la couleur allait parfaitement mettre en valeur sa chevelure blonde et ses yeux bleus étincelants. C’était une robe irrésistible. Il fallait qu’elle l’achète, quel que soit le prix. Mais Connie n’avait pas pris en considération les quelques centimètres de plus qu’avait le mannequin.