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Does a Bear Sh*t in the Woods?
by Caroline TaggartSerious answers to rhetorical questions--what's not to like? For those of us who have long wondered where bears go to take care of their business, if the Pope is actually Catholic, or whether anyone is really made of money, Caroline Taggart provides the answers to these and a host of previously unanswerable questions. From the most profound questions of philosophy to queries of geography and science, this deadpan book is full of hilarious information you never knew you needed including: What's love got to do with it? How many roads must a man walk down before you call him a man? Where does the time go? Can a leopard change his spots? .
Does a Bulldozer Have a Butt?
by Derick WilderGreen Eggs and Ham meets Everyone Poops in this laugh-out-loud story that asks—and answers—the burning question in every kid's life.Does a scarecrow have a butt?Yep, you stuff him with a straw one.And does a crayon have a butt?Nope, but it can surely draw one.This silly, funny, clever book will be the most quoted text in all of elementary school.Over the course of a long walk across a city, one curious kid needs to know: "Does it have a butt?" Everything from sheep to ghosts to dinosaurs is subjected to this all-important question, and Dad is a never-ending source of answers. On a laugh-out-loud father-child ramble, we come to see that every butt, from a bullfrog's to a zombie's, has its own distinctive, and distinctively hilarious, quality.LAUGH-OUT-LOUD FUNNY: It's impossible to find a kid who doesn't giggle at the word "butt." The repetition of the word, the varied assortment of butts, and the clever rhymes make this a book that both parents and children will return to over and over again.A SNEAKY WAY TO TEACH ABOUT CONTEXT: The book isn't simply a repetition of one joke or word. Instead, it offers a crafty way of talking about what things mean in different contexts.SILLY AND SWEET, NOT GROSS: Butt jokes can potentially cross a line and become offensive or insensitive, but the tone and choices throughout this book are sweet and innocent, making it a unique, accessible option for parents and educators who want to normalize the asking of difficult questions.COUNT THE BUTTS! This book will change how you see the world: Not only will you start wondering about all inanimate objects' butts, you'll start seeing them everywhere! There are nearly 200 butts in the illustrations that aren't even mentioned in the text. Keen-eyed young readers will delight in the most hilarious seek-and-find they could ever imagine!Perfect for:• Parents• Grandparents• Educators and librarians• Fans of funny books
Does the Name Pavlov Ring a Bell?: 879 Hilarious Puns to Test Your Wit
by Gary BlakeEveryone loves wordplay! This collection of more than eight hundred quips and pun-filled anecdotes will have your friends in stitches! Classics and new inventions fill these pages with humor and wit. Divided into chapters according to theme—animals, celebrities, careers, food, and so on—there’s a pun for every occasion! Author Gary Blake dares you not to snicker at his contrivances: Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie. Davy Crockett had three ears. A left ear, a right ear, and a wild frontier. A backwards poet writes inverse. Santa’s helpers are subordinate Clauses. Like tavern owners, ballet dancers make most of their money at the barre. Horses in the movies only have bit parts. Why does the Pope travel so much? Because he’s a roamin’ Catholic. Absinthe makes the heart grow fonder. A Freudian slip is when you say one thing and mean your mother. Eve was the first person to eat herself out of house and home. I used to work in a blanket factory, but the company folded. The calendar thief only got twelve months. A great gift or coffee table book, there’s no time like the present to order a copy of Does the Name Pavlov Ring a Bell? for the word-twisting, pun-loving humorist in your life.
Dog & Hat and the Lost Polka Dots: Book No. 1
by Darin ShulerAdventure Time, Nickelodeon, and Don't Hug Me I'm Scared meet in this wonderfully strange and funny adventure of two best friends.With its distinctive, comic strip–like art style and lighthearted, off-the-wall concept, this chapter book is a breath of fresh air for brand-new readers! Dog and Hat are two of the best friends you could ever hope to meet—they are practically inseparable. When the dots on Dog's favorite shirt get lost down a storm drain, it's up to him and Hat to wander through the twisting underbelly of the city to find them. As they navigate a labyrinth of sewers, they encounter a dark but exciting new world, unforeseen dangers, and help in unexpected places. Magic, humor, and curiosities abound in this story of a daringly weird dynamic duo that is sure to have adventurous young readers thrilled to be along for the ride.TOTALLY UNIQUE: The illustrations for this book are like nothing you've seen before! The loose, exaggerated style, bright, popping colors, and unconventional character design evoke 1990s cartoons and Sesame Street. Kids will delight in this playfully absurd book that's meant just for them.A FRIENDSHIP STORY: Dog and Hat are irresistible, charming characters, but it's the dynamic between them that truly shines. They are refreshingly supportive and affectionate, and they know each other in ways only best friends can. Readers will love getting to know this lovably strange duo as they work together, no matter what life throws at them!COMIC BOOK APPEAL: Kids familiar with comic books and graphic novels will feel right at home with this comic book–inspired story! It's bright, graphic, and sure to hold the reader's attention.IT'S A SERIES: Get ready for book two! This is just the first Dog and Hat adventure.Perfect for:• Kids who are fans of comics and graphic novels• New readers looking for a quirky, unique story• Fans of Nickelodeon and/or Adventure Time• Illustration and art fans
Dog Breath! The Horrible Trouble With Hally Tosis
by Dav Pilkey"Hold your nose! Here comes the dog with the worst breath in the world! When no one can stand the horrible breath of HallyTosis for one more minute, the Tosis children must find a way to cure it or else Hally will be given away. They just about give up until one night, when HallyTosis puts her very bad problem to very good use ..." Bookshare also offers this book in Spanish.
Dog Breath: The Horrible Trouble with Hally Tosis
by Dav PilkeyFrom Dav Pilkey, creator of the New York Times bestselling Dog Man and Captain Underpants series, comes Hally Tosis, the adorable dog that will take your breath away!Hally Tosis is a great family dog, but there is one rotten thing about her: her breath! It is so smelly, Hally's pet parents want to find a new home for her. The children, desperate to keep their beloved pet, try everything to rid Hally of her stinky stench. They take her for a breathtaking view, a movie that would leave her breathless, and a ride on a roller coaster that would make her lose her breath, but Hally's putrid panting persists! Only a miracle could save her now!
Dog Day Afterschool (Crimebiters #3)
by Tommy GreenwaldFrom the author of Charlie Joe Jackson's Guide to Not Reading comes the third book in the humorous & illustrated new series about a boy whose new dog may or may not be a crime-fighting vampire.Just what every crimebiting gang needs... a cat?!?!No one fights crime harder than the Crimebiters gang... and of course my crime-fighting dog, Abby. Together, we've fought against corruption in the world of elementary school sports and even stopped a neighborhood crime ring! But now a copy of the final math test has been stolen, AND our local animal shelter (where I found Abby!) is in danger of closing. As if that weren't enough, Daisy has introduced her new kitten, Purrkins, into the Crimebiters family -- and everyone knows that cats and dogs fight like... well, cats and dogs! Can four determined kids and two squabbling pets come together to save the day again? I'd say we have a furry good chance.
Dog Days (Coronet Bks.)
by Mavis CheekA newly divorced mom fends off her matchmaking friends—with unexpected results—in this novel from a “Jane Austen in modern dress” (The Boston Globe). Patricia’s marriage of eleven years is over. Aside from her doubts about the arrival of Brian, a dog who has become a father-substitute for her ten-year-old daughter, Patricia is more than ready for a fulfilled life as a single parent. But then the matchmaking begins. Even her most trusted friends are determined to provide her with potential lovers, all of whom she skillfully manages to avoid—that is until Roland, who is deeply unsuitable, arrives on the scene . . . “A witty, enjoyable novel that will appeal to readers who like their fiction sharp and British.” —Library Journal “Taking dead aim at complacency and pretension, Mavis Cheek is Jane Austen in modern dress.” —The Boston Globe “[A] stylish, engaging comedy of manners . . . The scenes leading up to the denouement are unpredictably hilarious.” —Publishers Weekly “A devilishly funny social satirist.” —Daily Mail
Dog Days (Diary of a Wimpy Kid #4)
by Jeff KinneyKinney's "New York Times"-bestselling Wimpy Kid series returns with Book 4, which finds the sarcastic and sharp-witted ("Toronto Globe and Mail") Greg on summer vacation with his family.
Dog Days (Diary of a Wimpy Kid #4)
by Jeff Kinney<p>It’s summer vacation, the weather’s great, and all the kids are having fun outside. So where’s Greg Heffley? Inside his house, playing video games with the shades drawn. <p>Greg, a self-confessed “indoor person,” is living out his ultimate summer fantasy: no responsibilities and no rules. But Greg’s mom has a different vision for an ideal summer . . . one packed with outdoor activities and “family togetherness.”
Dog Days of School
by Kelly DiPucchioCharlie thinks his dog, Norman, has got it good: he gets to spend his days lounging on the couch or playing fetch, and he never has to do any homework. But when Charlie makes a wish to be a dog instead of a boy, things get a little topsy-turvy! New York Times best-selling author Kelly DiPucchio's signature humor and Brian Biggs's bold, playful illustrations come together in a hilarious tale that proves that the grass always does look greener on the other side (even if that side involves drinking from the toilet!).
Dog Days: The Carver Chronicles, Book One (The Carver Chronicles #1)
by Karen English Laura FreemanIt's tough being the new kid at Carver Elementary. Gavin had lots of friends at his old school, but the kids here don't even know that he's pretty good at skateboarding, or how awesome he is at soccer. And when his classmate Richard comes over and the boys end up in trouble, not only does Gavin risk losing his one new friend, he has to take care of his great aunt Myrtle's horrible little dog as punishment. To make matters worse, Gavin seems to have attracted the attention of the school bully. Will he be able to avoid getting pounded at the skate park? And how is he ever going to prove he's cool with a yappy little Pomeranian wearing a pink bow at his side?
Dog Diaries #10: Rolf
by Kate Klimo Tim JessellA dachshund loses a leg and finds his life's calling—as a therapy dog! Scrappy dachshund Rolf von Noodle may be missing a hind leg, but he's got attitude and can-do spirit to spare! If anything, his tripod status gives him something special: real empathy for people overcoming physical challenges. And as his owner Mindy discovers, it makes him an ideal choice to become a therapy dog. With realistic black-and-white illustrations and an appendix that includes photographs and information about the American Kennel Club's Canine Good Citizen program, therapy dog training, tripod dogs, and more, this is the kind of fact-based fiction reluctant middle grade readers sit up and beg for!
Dog Diaries: A Middle School Story (Dog Diaries #1)
by James PattersonThe first book in the doggone awesome, howl-ariously illustrated, bestselling series from the creator of Middle School! Rafe Khatchadorian&’s lovable dog Junior gets his chance to shine. Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy! I've been waiting for ages to tell my story, and now it's finally happening! Being Rafe's dog isn't always easy, but it is always EXCITING! I've got so much to tell you about: How I protect the yard from birds, raccoons, squirrels, raccoons, mail carriers ... and did I mention RACCOONS? Sniffing pooch posteriors for the latest canine news. And the terrifying monster hiding in the hall closet: the vacuum cleaner! These were all the most paw-some parts of my doggie life -- until the evil Mrs. Stricker threatened to send me back to the pound if I didn't learn to behave. Now Rafe and I have to go to obedience school and win the trophy for Best Trained Dog . . . or else!
Dog Diaries: A Middle School Story (Dog Diaries #2)
by James Patterson Steven ButlerDog Diaries is the first book written by a dog AND a #1 New York Times bestseller! When mischievous mutt, Junior, causes a Turkey Day disaster, getting out of the doghouse will take a Christmas miracle!Are you ready for a festive adventure? Join me, Junior on the most PAWSOME, most BARKTASTIC journey through the HOWLIDAY SEASON. You'll read all about:FANGSGIVING, CRITTER-MESS and the mysterious SAINT LICK. Why strange humans called CAROL come and howl at the front door.And why SHINY TREES suddenly sprout inside your kennel!This will be the best holiday EVER! As long as the Mom-Lady doesn't find out what I did to the Fangsgiving turkey. You can keep a SECRET, right?This hilarious, illustrated MIDDLE SCHOOL spin-off about a dog and his boy is perfect for younger readers!
Dog Diaries: A Middle School Story (Dog Diaries #3)
by James Patterson Steven ButlerGrab your sunglasses and slather on the sunscreen! In this laugh-out-loud adventure for kids and animal lovers everywhere, summer is here and Junior is getting his very own doggy vacation.It's me, Junior, back again with another tail-wagging tale of mischief-making! I'll tell you all about the fur-raising time I had when my pet humans went on a trip without me, and the horrible place they left me. Here are some of the adventures I had:How I survived on a diet of icky vegetables, with no yummy, drool-inducing meat in sight!My super-secret plan to steal delicious hamburgers!How my pooch pals and I cooked up a grand scheme to break free and get back home. It's a dangerous mission, but as I always say, you can't keep a good dog down!
Dog Diaries: A Middle School Story (Dog Diaries #5)
by James PattersonJunior, the first dog author to make the New York Times bestseller list, tells his latest howlarious tale of going off-leash in the wilderness.Junior is so excited—his human family is going on vacation and this time they're taking him with them. And they're going to the most magical place in the world—THE WOODS! All the sticks you could possible want! Endless raccoons to chase! A lake to doggy-paddle in! It's a canine paradise!But all of Junior's best plans are ruined when Iona Stricker—the most miserable, cruel, and obedience-obsessed human you could ever meet—shows up and puts an end to his fun. That is, until a fugitive from the local animal shelter sneaks into camp and everything changes.This vacation might turn out to be fun after all!
Dog Diaries: Big Top Bonanza (Dog Diaries #7)
by James PattersonThis laugh-out-loud funny illustrated book in James Patterson&’s New York Times bestselling series finds our favorite dog Junior on a high-flying circus adventure! Imagine my WAG-NIFICENT excitement when I found out the circus was coming to town! I&’d do anything to join those muscly mastiffs, tumbling toy poodles, and clowning corgis. Read my latest diary to discover: How my pack-pals and I caused carnival chaos! The way I reunited with the most-wanted escapee from pooch prison. My show-stealing PAW-formance. It&’s going to be a RE-BARK-ABLE show! With my whole pooch pack alongside me—and, of course, my favorite pet human, RUFF!—what could possibly go wrong?
Dog Diaries: Dinosaur Disaster (Dog Diaries #6)
by James PattersonJunior, the first dog author to top the New York Times bestseller list, leads the canine heist of the century to fetch the ultimate treasure: DINOSAUR BONES! We&’re in luck, my person-pal, because we are going to see DINO-ROARS! Yes, we! Including me, Junior, everyone&’s favorite PUP. Not even the pesky &“no dogs in the museum&” rule can keep me away from this fossil-tastic FEAST-A-SAURUS. So join me to discover: How I came snout-to-face with a TERRIER-SAURUS REX in the flesh (well, the BONE)!The dustiest, moldiest, most PAW-fect sniff-a-licious scents I've ever wrapped my nose around. Why my pack of pooch pals and I planned a BARK-tastic break-in. It&’s going to be a HOWLING good time, so long as my friends and I don&’t get caught. Otherwise this FUR-RAISING adventure might end with us in the DOG HOUSE!
Dog Diaries: Dog Diaries & Dog Diaries: Happy Howlidays
by James Patterson Steven ButlerLife as a dog is full of tail-wagging adventures. Join Junior the lovable mischief-making canine in this two-in-one bindup of Dog Diaries and Dog Diaries: Happy Howlidays.Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy! Junior is so excited to get to tell you all the fun stuff he's been up to: like protecting his home from evil raccoons and those people who bring mail every day. But then he gets in trouble and must go to . . .OBEDIENCE SCHOOL. Then comes the holidays, and Junior discovers the deliciousness of a roast turkey, which he can't help but taste. A "taste" that gets him labeled a Bad Boy. Now he's in the dog house . . . AGAIN. Will Junior ever redeem himself and earn the title of GOOD BOY?
Dog Diaries: Secret Writings of the WOOF Society
by Betsy Byars Betsy Duffey Laurie MyersIt is the first annual meeting of the WOOF Society. Dogs of all different backgrounds and breeds have gathered together to listen to the diaries of twelve dogs from around the world and throughout history. Abu is the ruler of ancient Egypt, but Miu, the Royal Cat, continues to challenge him, except at night. Tidbit, born the runt of the litter, becomes a star singer at the Grand Ole Opry. Jip leads his blinded master back home from the Civil War. Mimi, a dog living in Paris, shares her tips on bathroom protocol and dinnertime etiquette. And eight more!Betsy Byars and her daughters, Laurie Myers and Betsy Duffey, the trio who brought you MY DOG, MY HERO and THE SOS FILE, have pooled their talents once again to write on a subject they love. DOG DIARIES is a collection of humorous and touching stories, complemented by Erik Brooks' black-and-white illustrations, that will appeal to dog lovers of all ages.
Dog Dish of Doom: A Mystery (The Agent to the Paws Mysteries #1)
by E. J. CoppermanCozy fans and animal lovers can “count on getting a good mystery, great characters, and a lot of laughs as they turn the pages” in this series debut (Kings River Life Magazine).Kay Powell wants to find that break-out client who will become a star. And she thinks she’s found him: His name is Bruno, and he has to be walked three times a day.Kay is the Agent to the Paws, representing showbiz clients who aren’t exactly people. In fact: they’re dogs. Bruno’s humans, Trent and Louise, are pains in the you-know-what, and Les McMaster, the famous director mounting a revival of Annie, might not hire Bruno just because he can’t stand them.This becomes less of an issue when Trent is discovered face down in Bruno’s water dish, with a kitchen knife in his back. Kay’s perfectly fine to let the NYPD handle the murder, but when the whole plot seems to center on Bruno, her protective instincts come into play. You can kill any people you want, but you’d better leave Kay’s clients alone.Named a Best Book of 2017 by Kings River Life Magazine“Admirers of old comedy sketches and anyone looking for a laugh-out-loud mystery should pick up this series launch by Copperman.” —Library Journal (starred review)“The wry, feisty heroine is a welcome addition to Copperman’s troupe.” —Kirkus Reviews“Readers will root for Kay to be more than pals with Sam Gibson, proprietor of Cool Beans coffee house—and, of course, to keep Bruno as more than a client . . . resilient, warm, funny supporting players.” —Publishers Weekly
Dog Eat Dog: Book 3 (Welcome to Weirdsville #3)
by I.M. StrangeLeo's determined to win the Weirdsville Dog Show this year with his scruffy mongrel, Scout. But when he finds his dead pet gerbil dug up and stuffed in a local curiosity shop, he begins an investigation which will put him and his friends in terrible danger.Soon he uncovers a conspiracy to create a new kind of dogfood which has a monstrous effect on anything that eats it. What's more, the inventors are prepared to do anything to keep their secrets . . .
Dog Eat Doug: It's a Good Thing They're Cute (Dog Eat Doug Ser.)
by Brian AndersonWe're talking cute, but with a Calvin and Hobbes-ian twist." --Mike Wilson, features editor, St. Petersburg TimesIn the spirit of Snoopy and Charlie Brown, or Calvin and Hobbes, please welcome Sophie and Doug.Dog Eat Doug is the cartooning creation of Brian Anderson that follows the daily exploits of Sophie, a cheese-loving chocolate Lab with a nose for the nuances of sarcasm and irony, and baby Doug, a healthy, happy newborn with no concept of jealousy and a limitless curiosity.Together, this dynamic duo adjusts to sharing the spotlight, the toys, and the affections of Mom and Dad, while exploring nature and its majesty, the couch and its cushions, and the cookie jar and its contents.As the first Dog Eat Doug collection, this book features 43 weeks' worth of strips beginning with the cartoon's 2005 debut.
Dog Eats Dog
by Iain LevisonPraise for Iain Levison: "The real deal . . . bracing, hilarious and dead on."--The New York Times Book Review"Witty, deft, well-conceived writing that combines sharp satire with real suspense."--Kirkus Reviews "Levison writes tight, punchy prose, with deadpan humor and savvy."--The Wall Street Journal Philip Dixon is down on his luck. An escape from a lucrative but botched bank robbery lands him bleeding and on the verge of collapse in a college town in New Hampshire. How can he find a place to hide out in this innocent setting? Peering into the window of the nearest house, he sees a glimmer of hope: a man in his mid-thirties, obviously some kind of academic, is rolling around on the living room floor with an attractive high-school student. Professor Elias White is then blackmailed into harboring a dangerous fugitive, as Dixon--with a cool quarter-million in his bag and dreams of Canada in his head--gets ready for the last phase of his escape.But the last phase is always the hardest. Attractive and persistent FBI agent Denise Lupo is on his trail. As for Elias White, his surprising transition from respected academic to willing accomplice poses a ruthless threat that Dixon would be foolish to underestimate."...Funny and acerbic, and crackles with raw energy."--The Sunday Times (UK) Iain Levison was born in Aberdeen, Scotland, in 1963. Since moving to the United States, he has worked as a fisherman, carpenter, and cook, and he has detailed his woes of wage slavery in A Working Stiff's Manifesto. He lives in Raleigh, North Carolina.