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Don't Fart When You Snuggle: Lessons on How to Make a Human Smile
by From FrankMeet Frank. His goal in life is to make humans smile. And that's exactly what he and his wisecracking pals do in this guide to living the good life—of a dog! From the creator of the popular greeting card line From Frank™, this playful book offers advice for dogs, by dogs, that's sure to brighten any human's day. Photographs accompany unfiltered insights into the weird and wonderful relationship that pets share with their loved ones. Anyone who follows Frank's advice is in for some extra belly rubs, guaranteed.
Don't Fart When You Snuggle: Lessons on How to Make a Human Smile
by From FrankMeet Frank. His goal in life is to make humans smile. And that's exactly what he and his wisecracking pals do in this guide to living the good life—of a dog! From the creator of the popular greeting card line From Frank™, this playful book offers advice for dogs, by dogs, that's sure to brighten any human's day. Photographs accompany unfiltered insights into the weird and wonderful relationship that pets share with their loved ones. Anyone who follows Frank's advice is in for some extra belly rubs, guaranteed.
Don't Fear the (Not Really Grim) Reaper
by Carole CummingsWhen unassuming college student Emery Sutton wakes up in the morgue, it takes him a few minutes to remember he has magic (superpowers, damn it!) and free himself from the refrigerated drawer. And the body bag. (God.) It doesn’t take long, though, for him to remember the hot guy with wings he ran into just before a city bus ran into him. Junior Reaper John must explain to his supervisor how his first solo assignment went so wrong. All he knows is that he happened upon Emery quite by accident, that Emery saw John when he shouldn’t have been able to, and when they accidentally touched, a bus came out of nowhere and plowed Emery under. (John really does feel bad about that.) Hot angels, annoying demons, hijinks, absurdity, drunk siblings, a dash of silly romance, an inordinate attachment to wings, and a highly disorganized bid for world domination—Don’t Fear the (Not Really Grim) Reaper follows Emery and John down the rabbit hole where they find that moms are scarier than demons from hell, a goat is not a puppy no matter what Emery’s sister says, and awkward romance can happen anywhere.
Don't Feed the Coos!
by Jonathan StutzmanThe dynamic team behind Llama Destroys the World returns with a laugh-out-loud tale about the dangers…of feeding pigeons!When you see a coo, you will be tempted to give it a treat.Coos are adorable, peaceful, kind of silly.But DON'T FEED THE COO!If you feed one, they will ALL come...So begins Don't Feed the Coos, a cautionary tale that details the fallout when a little girl decides to share some bread with a coo (aka pigeon). From the park to home to the arcade to karate practice, the coos follow the generous-but-foolish girl who didn’t heed the warning. Because when you give a coo a crumb…the entire population of coos will come! But fret not: our spunky little heroine will discover that even the biggest of problems can be solved with a little determination.In the grand tradition of If You Give a Mouse a Cookie, Don't Feed the Coos reminds us that the most disastrous of reactions can come from the most innocent of actions. Jonathan Stutzman and Heather Fox deliver another ridiculous and hilarious story, sure to delight fans of The Bad Seed and I Want My Hat Back.
Don't Feed the Geckos!
by Karen English Laura FreemanCarlos isn't sure how he feels about the news that his cousin Bernardo will be joining his class at Carver Elementary. But when Bernardo comes to live with him temporarily, taking over Carlos's top bunk, his spot on the school soccer team, and even his Papi's attention, Carlos knows he isn't happy. Worse, Bernardo starts messing with Carlos's pet geckos! Carlos tries to see past his cousin's annoying ways, but Bernardo sure doesn't make it easy. Will Carlos--and his geckos--survive Bernardo's visit? Can he keep the peace for his family's sake? Emerging and newly independent readers are sure to recognize themselves in this humorous school and family story.
Don't Feed the Geckos!
by Karen English Laura FreemanCarlos isn't sure how he feels about the news that his cousin Bernardo will be joining his class at Carver Elementary. But when Bernardo comes to live with him temporarily, taking over Carlos's top bunk, his spot on the school soccer team, and even his Papi's attention, Carlos knows he isn't happy. Worse, Bernardo starts messing with Carlos's pet geckos! Carlos tries to see past his cousin's annoying ways, but Bernardo sure doesn't make it easy. Will Carlos--and his geckos--survive Bernardo's visit? Can he keep the peace for his family's sake? Emerging and newly independent readers are sure to recognize themselves in this humorous school and family story.
Don't Forget the Parsley: And More from my Positively Filipino Family
by Marie Claire Lim MooreMarie Claire Lim Moore builds on her first memoir, Don’t Forget the Soap, offering more entertaining stories about her family in this follow up. Like her first book, Don’t Forget the Parsley is a collection of anecdotes from different points in Claire’s life: stories from her second-generation immigrant childhood in Vancouver and New York City mix with recent expat experiences in Singapore and Hong Kong where she balances multiple roles as wife and mother, corporate executive and author. Her positively Filipino parents continue to have a big influence on her whether it comes to managing family and career, meeting heads of state and world leaders or simply making new friends. From stray observations ("everything is funnier at church") and midnight anxieties ("if Jessica Simpson gets to go to the White House Correspondents’ Dinner, why shouldn’t I?") to life mantras ("don’t let perfection hold you back") and litmus tests ("would you serve drinks at my mother’s art show?"), Claire’s warm and honest storytelling will resonate with readers and leave them smiling.
Don't Forget to Scream: Unspoken Truths About Motherhood
by Marianne LevyUntil I had my first child, and this is to my shame, I had little understanding of just how much mothers are hidden, their stories unspoken, even as they cross the street in plain sight. Like grief or falling in love, becoming a mother is an experience both ordinary and transformative. You are prepared for the sleeplessness and wonder, the noise and the chaos, the pram in the hall. But the extent to which this new life can turn your inner world upside-down - nothing prepares you for that.In this frank, funny and fearless memoir, Marianne Levy writes with heart-wrenching honesty about love and loss, rage and pain, fear and joy. She breaks the silence around the emotional turmoil that having a child can unleash and asks why motherhood is at once so venerated and so undervalued.This is the real story of being a parent in the modern world. It is a book that mothers will be glad to have read - and that everyone else should read, too.
Don't Forget to Scream: Unspoken Truths About Motherhood
by Marianne LevyUntil I had my first child, and this is to my shame, I had little understanding of just how much mothers are hidden, their stories unspoken, even as they cross the street in plain sight. Like grief or falling in love, becoming a mother is an experience both ordinary and transformative. You are prepared for the sleeplessness and wonder, the noise and the chaos, the pram in the hall. But the extent to which this new life can turn your inner world upside-down - nothing prepares you for that.In this frank, funny and fearless memoir, Marianne Levy writes with heart-wrenching honesty about love and loss, rage and pain, fear and joy. She breaks the silence around the emotional turmoil that having a child can unleash and asks why motherhood is at once so venerated and so undervalued.This is the real story of being a parent in the modern world. It is a book that mothers will be glad to have read - and that everyone else should read, too.
Don't Forget to Smile (Hometown Memories, Book #2)
by Kathleen Gilles SeidelIn Oregon's timber country, inside a smoky bar, stands proprietor Tory Duncan. Once a hair's breadth from the Miss America crown, she's still just as beautiful and still searching for happiness.Joe Brigham, a forthright and handsome man from a logging family, divorced, and father of one, regards her with a love deep and pure.But trading in her search for an uncertain future, no matter the joy Joe promises to provide, seems more than Tory can afford.AWARDS:Romantic Times Reviewer's Choice Award for Best Contemporary RomanceREVIEWS:"...rich and absorbing... a small-town atmosphere written to absolute perfection." ~Romantic Times"A homey, warm love story." ~Affaire de Coeur"...about families, the ways they push us forward and the ways they hold us back, the ways we make our own families and give back to the families we are born to." ~Dear AuthorHOMETOWN MEMORIES, in orderAfter All These YearsDon't Forget to SmileTill the Stars FallAgain
Don't Fry My Veeblax!
by Bruce CovilleAs the situation spins out of control, it becomes clear that Pleskit may lose his pet, his teacher may lose her job, and Earth may lose the benefits of the alien connection. Running away may be the only way for Pleskit to save the Veeblax.
Don't Get Caught Driving the School Bus
by Todd StrasserThree fiendishly clever middle-school boys wreak havoc and humor but never, ever get caught! Kyle is a little rebellious and always eager to test the rules. Wilson, pudgy wiseguy, is his sidekick. And Dusty is their impulsive, hyper friend -- always the most gung-ho about their pranks, but also the most likely to land them in trouble.
Don't Get Caught Wearing the Lunch Lady's Hair Net
by Todd StrasserBE-TRAY-ED! WILSON: invents stuff - and trouble DUSTY: can talk his way out of anything KYLE: the nice guy no one ever suspects Together they bend every rule in school-- but they never get caught! Food fights in the cafeteria are raging out of control. So Principal Chump hires some psycho lunch monitors to bust up the trouble. Armed with dishrags, hairnets, and a hidden camera, Kyle and his friends are about to strike back.
Don't Get Me Started
by Kate ClintonKate Clinton's first book of irreverent humorLet's get one thing straight. I'm not. I'm out and proud. My closet was huge, complete with a foyer, turnstile, a few dead bolts, and a burglar alarm. It wasn't until I had lived and slept with a woman for a year that it occurred to me to ask, "Do you think we're lesbians?"
Don't Get Scrooged: How to Thrive in a World Full of Obnoxious, Incompetent, Arrogant, and Downright Mean-Spirited People
by Richard CarlsonInside find helpful advice, such as:Take a Vacation, Not a Guilt-TripDon't Get "Should Upon"Hades or Homecoming?Opt In- or Out-of Family EventsQuit Being Your MotherBan Worry from Your HolidaysIt's Not Daytona—You're Not Jeff GordonDon't Try to Cook Tailgating TurkeysDon't Get Scrooged is a jewel of a handbook on how to avoid, appease, and even win over the Scrooges who haunt your holidays. Whether it's the salesclerk who ignores you in favor of her cell phone, the customer who knowingly jumps ahead of you in line at Starbucks, the unnaturally irritable boss down the hall, or the in-laws who invite themselves (every year) for a two-week stay at your house, you will always need to deal with Scrooges, grumps, uninvited guests, sticks-in-the-mud, and supreme party poopers. Learning to handle them whenever and wherever they appear is not just optional—it's essential.
Don't Get Too Comfortable
by David RakoffThe Indignities of Coach Class, the Torments of Low Thread Count, the Never-Ending Quest for Artisanal Olive Oil, and Other First World Problems David Rakoff's collection of autobiographical essays,Fraud, established him as one of our funniest, most insightful writers. InDon't Get Too Comfortable, Rakoff journeys into the land of plenty that is contemporary North America. Rarely have greed, vanity, selfishness, and vapidity been so mercilessly and wittily portrayed. Whether contrasting the elegance of one of the last flights of the supersonic Concorde with the good times and chicken wings of Hooters Air, portraying the rarified universe of Paris fashion shows where an evening dress can cost as much as four years of college, or traveling to a private island off the coast of Belize to watch a soft-core Playboy TV shoot, where he is provided with his very own personal manservant, David Rakoff takes us on a bitingly funny grand tour of our culture of excess, delving into the manic getting and spending that defines the North American way of life. Somewhere along the line, our healthy self-regard has exploded into obliterating narcissism, and Rakoff is there to map that frontier. He sits through the grotesqueries of "avant garde" vaudeville in Times Square immediately following 9/11. Twenty days without food allows him to experience firsthand the wonders of "detoxification," and the frozen world of cryonics, whose promise of eternal life is the ultimate status symbol, leaves him very cold indeed (much to our good fortune). At once a Wildean satire of our ridiculous culture of overconsumption and a plea for a little human decency,Don't Get Too Comfortableis a bitingly funny grand tour of our special circle of gilded-age hell. From the Hardcover edition.
Don't Give Me Butterflies (The Holloway Girls #3)
by Tara SheetsPine Cove Island calls to her soul . . . As the Queen of Impulsive Decisions, Kat Davenport has found herself without a job or a place to live. So settling on Pine Cove Island isn’t the sanest choice—meaning it’s perfect. Like the mysterious Holloway cousins, Kat has her own unique gift. In her case, it’s a knack for communicating with animals. Which makes getting hired at the local animal shelter feel like kismet. Especially when she finds a room to rent at a nearby lavender farm—complete with a sweet landlord and her brawny grandson—a guy who happens to give Kat an all-too-familiar flutter in her stomach . . . Jordan Prescott isn’t back in Pine Cove to find romance. He’s here to sell the family farm, a fact that bewilders Kat. A former foster kid, she can’t understand why he’d give up his childhood home. So when the big-hearted beauty starts bringing home strays from the shelter, Jordan is suddenly her adversary. Until their fiery disagreements turn into fiery kisses . . . Now Kat is falling for a man who will likely make her homeless yet again. Unless she learns how to lend her considerable powers to taming the beast lurking inside this prince . . . Praise for Don't Call Me Cupcake“I loved this book! Beautifully written and the story has stayed with me.” –Jude Deveraux“Funny, sexy, charming and full of practical magic. . . . Fans of Sarah Addison Allen will love this novel.” –RT Book Reviews
Don't Go There!: 1001 Rude Things People Have Said About Places In Britain And Ireland
by Colin PlinthGet to know 'Not-so Great Britain' in this crackingly acerbic collection of insulting and downright offensive quotations about cities, towns and other locations in the British Isles.<P><P>Towns, cities, counties and constituent countries all come in for a lambasting in this bad-tempered and thoroughly entertaining journey round the British Isles (or, as the Irish insist on calling them, the Hibernian Archipelago) from the nauseatingly Nordic Shetlands to the suspiciously Froggy Channel Islands, from 'the arse end of the world' (Wigan) to the 'heaving Sodom of the south coast' (Brighton).<P><P>And it's not just the places that come in for a hammering - the people too are mocked and reviled, from the imbecilic, dimwitted folk of County Kerry to the inbred, turkey-fancying natives of Norfolk, from the tight-fistedness of the inhabitants of Aberdeen to the light-fingeredness and incessant whinings of the Scouser. And - unlike Boris Johnson of The Spectator - Mr Plinth will not be saying 'Oops. Sorry!'
Don't Go There!: 1001 Rude Things People Have Said About Places In Britain and Ireland
by Colin PlinthGet to know 'Not-so Great Britain' in this crackingly acerbic collection of insulting and downright offensive quotations about cities, towns and other locations in the British Isles.Towns, cities, counties and constituent countries all come in for a lambasting in this bad-tempered and thoroughly entertaining journey round the British Isles (or, as the Irish insist on calling them, the Hibernian Archipelago), from the nauseatingly Nordic Shetlands to the suspiciously Froggy Channel Islands, from 'the arse end of the world' (Wigan) to the 'heaving Sodom of the south coast' (Brighton).And it's not just the places that come in for a hammering - the people too are mocked and reviled, from the imbecilic, dimwitted folk of County Kerry to the inbred, turkey-fancying natives of Norfolk, from the tight-fistedness of the inhabitants of Aberdeen to the light-fingeredness and incessant whinings of the Scouser.And - unlike Boris Johnson of The Spectator - Mr Plinth will not be saying 'Oops. Sorry!'
Don't Go to Jail!: Saul Goodman's Guide to Keeping the Cuffs Off
by Steve HuffLawyer Saul Goodman of Better Call Saul and Breaking Bad offers his own particular brand of funny, down-to-earth legal advice.Got the long arm of the law around your neck?Does Lady Justice have her eye on you?Were you set up at a lineup?Saul Goodman can help!There are some crazy laws out there. Did you know that in New Mexico there’s a law that says “idiots” can’t vote? Or that Massachusetts still has a ban on Quakers and witches? Or that in Georgia it’s illegal to put a donkey in a bathtub?Even if you’re not bathing a donkey (and hey, if you are, no judgment from me!), you could be breaking the law right now and not even know it. That’s why you need Don't Go to Jail! You can carry the advice of a seasoned legal practitioner with you anywhere you go, helping you to stay out of the courts and in the good graces of the criminal justice system.Want to be your own attorney? Want to avoid getting hauled in on a warrant? Want to keep the cops from discovering the baggie of “your friend’s” marijuana stashed under the passenger seat of your car? This is your chance to get those tips and many more savory bits of indispensable legal advice--all for much less than my usual hourly fee.
Don't Go to Sleep (Goosebumps #54)
by R. L. StineMatt hates his tiny bedroom. It's so small, its practically a closet! Still, Matt's mom refuses to let him sleep in the guest room. After all, they might have guests. Some day. Or year.Then Matt does it. Late one night. When everyone's in bed. He sneaks into the guest room and falls asleep.Poor Matt. He should have listened to his mom. Because when Matt wakes up, his whole life has changed. For the worse. And every time he falls asleep, he wakes up in a new nightmare...
Don't Hex with Texas
by Shanna SwendsonEverything’s bigger in Texas–including romance, magic, and danger! Katie Chandler has fled fast-paced Manhattan and returned home to a simpler life, working at her family’s feed-and-seed store in Cobb, Texas. In a painfully selfless gesture, Katie had left the sexy wizard Owen Palmer to battle his demons in the magical realm–after all, Katie just seemed to attract evil, which only made Owen’s job a lot harder. But now it seems that trouble has followed her home: Despite the fact that Merlin, Katie’s old boss at Magic, Spells, and Illusions, Inc. , has assured her that Cobb is free of enchantmen, (magically speaking), Katie begins to notice curious phenomena. Cobb is being plagued by a series of inexplicable petty crimes and other devilish mischief, and after her experiences in Manhattan, Katie knows “unauthorized magic” when she sees it. As this new darkness strikes deep in the heart of Texas, Owen appears (literally) to investigate. Now Katie’s friends and family must show the bad guys why it’s bad luck to hex with Texas, while Katie and Owen combine their strengths like never before to uncover a sinister plot before evil takes root in the Lone Star State. “Enchanting . . . Trying to start a romance with the world hanging in the balance is not optimal, but it sure is funny. ” –Romantic Times, on Shanna Swendson’s Damsel Under Stress “Winning . . . [a] smart, snappy novel. ” –Booklist, on Shanna Swendson’s Once Upon Stilettos From the Trade Paperback edition.
Don't Hex with Texas
by Shanna SwendsonEverything's bigger in Texas-including romance, magic, and danger!Katie Chandler has fled fast-paced Manhattan and returned home to a simpler life, working at her family's feed-and-seed store in Cobb, Texas. In a painfully selfless gesture, Katie had left the sexy wizard Owen Palmer to battle his demons in the magical realm-after all, Katie just seemed to attract evil, which only made Owen's job a lot harder. But now it seems that trouble has followed her home: Despite the fact that Merlin, Katie's old boss at Magic, Spells, and Illusions, Inc., has assured her that Cobb is free of enchantmen, (magically speaking), Katie begins to notice curious phenomena. Cobb is being plagued by a series of inexplicable petty crimes and other devilish mischief, and after her experiences in Manhattan, Katie knows "unauthorized magic" when she sees it. As this new darkness strikes deep in the heart of Texas, Owen appears (literally) to investigate. Now Katie's friends and family must show the bad guys why it's bad luck to hex with Texas, while Katie and Owen combine their strengths like never before to uncover a sinister plot before evil takes root in the Lone Star State. "Enchanting . . . Trying to start a romance with the world hanging in the balance is not optimal, but it sure is funny." -Romantic Times, on Shanna Swendson's Damsel Under Stress"Winning . . . [a] smart, snappy novel."-Booklist, on Shanna Swendson's Once Upon StilettosFrom the Trade Paperback edition.
Don't Hug Doug: (He Doesn't Like It)
by Carrie FinisonMeet Doug, an ordinary kid who doesn't like hugs, in this fun and exuberant story which aims to spark discussions about bodily autonomy and consent--from author Carrie Finison and the #1 New York Times bestselling illustrator of The World Needs More Purple People, Daniel Wiseman.Doug doesn't like hugs. He thinks hugs are too squeezy, too squashy, too squooshy, too smooshy. He doesn't like hello hugs or goodbye hugs, game-winning home run hugs or dropped ice cream cone hugs, and he definitely doesn't like birthday hugs. He'd much rather give a high five--or a low five, a side five, a double five, or a spinny five. Yup, some people love hugs; other people don't. So how can you tell if someone likes hugs or not? There's only one way to find out: Ask! Because everybody gets to decide for themselves whether they want a hug or not.
Don't I Know You?
by Marni JacksonWhat if some of the artists we feel as if we know—Meryl Streep, Neil Young, Bill Murray—turned up in the course of our daily lives? This is what happens to Rose McEwan, an ordinary woman who keeps having strange encounters with famous people. In this engrossing, original novel-in-stories, we follow her life from age 17, when she takes a summer writing course led by a young John Updike, through her first heartbreak (witnessed by Joni Mitchell) on the island of Crete, through her marriage, divorce, and a canoe trip with Taylor Swift, Leonard Cohen and Karl Ove Knausgaard. (Yes, read on.)With wit and insight, Marni Jackson takes a world obsessed with celebrity and turns it on its head. In Don't I Know You?, she shows us how fame is just another form of fiction, and how, in the end, the daily dramas of an ordinary woman’s life can be as captivating and poignant as any luminary tell-all.