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Don't Judge a Girl by Her Cover (Gallagher Girls #3)
by Ally CarterFriendship. Romance. Espionage. The Gallagher Academy for Exceptional Young Women is no ordinary boarding school. Don't miss a moment of this New York Times bestselling series--now with a bonus epilogue!When Cammie Morgan visits her roommate Macey in Boston, she thinks she's in for an exciting end to her summer. After all, she's there to watch Macey's father accept the nomination for vice president of the United States. But when you go to the world's best school (for spies), "exciting" and "deadly" are never far apart. The girls suddenly find themselves trapped in a kidnapper's plot, with only their espionage skills to save them.Soon Cammie is joining Bex and Liz as Macey's private security team on the campaign trail, where they struggle to answer the questions Who is after Macey? And how can the Gallagher Girls keep her safe? The girls must use their spy training at every turn as the stakes are raised, and Cammie gets closer and closer to the shocking truth . . .
Don't Kid Yourself: Relatively Great (Family) Jokes (Make Me Laugh)
by Sam SchultzFilled with over 100 playful puns, goofy gigglers, and sly spoofs, these fun joke books will keep kids howling for more.
Don't Laugh, It'll Only Encourage Her: The No 1 Sunday Times Bestseller
by Daisy May CooperTHE SUNDAY TIMES NO. 1 BESTSELLERDiscover the hilarious memoir written by the most relatable woman in the world - Daisy May Cooper, creator and star of BBC's award-winning comedy This Country'Thank goodness for gloriously silly Daisy May Cooper. Joyful, irreverent and totally uplifting' THE TIMES'Hilarious. A riot from start to finish' DAILY EXPRESS'Bloody brilliant, like the woman herself' HEAT______I've always had an over-active imagination and felt the urge to be a massive f**king show-off so acting seemed like the obvious choice of career. There was never anything else I wanted to do more. But fulfilling my ambition wasn't going to be easy . . .I grew up battling rural poverty which was a struggle enough but my family were completely insane to boot. Together with my brother Charlie, I staggered my way through adolescence from one drama to the next until finally, after years of trying, we had This Country commissioned by the BBC.By sharing tales of how I accidentally auditioned to be a pole-dancer to being catfished by a one-armed internet boyfriend, I answer all of life's great mysteries:Could I count wall plaster as one of my five-a-day?Would I find the afterlife in the back of a shitty pub?Who dropped the monster turd at the fake audition?And just how much of a humiliating, ridiculous, screw-up of a s**t-storm life did I need to lead before I could finally realise my dream?
Don't Let It Be True: A Novel
by Jo BarrettA few Texas society gals are hiding sordid pasts as strippers, pole dancers, call girls, Democrats . . . But socialite Kathleen Connor King's secret is far, far worse.The flamboyant oil heiress, philanthropist, shopaholic, and hostess of the city's most prestigious annual gala, Kathleen King has a skeleton in her closet that, if revealed, will obliterate her good name and cherished social standing: She's broke! Her longtime beau, Dylan Grant, is similarly busted, ever since his now-deceased father lost the last of the family's oil properties to A-List wannabe Bo Harlan in a poker game. So Kat and Dylan have a plan, and with the help of a small cadre of loyal friends and allies, they're ready to resort to outrageous tactics—not all of them legal—to keep up appearances, win back the lost Grant oil money, elude a psycho Vegas mobster...and solidify their lofty positions among the crème de la crème. From the acclaimed author of This Is How It Happened (Not a Love Story) and The Men's Guide to the Women's Bathroom comes a hilarious tale of love and deception in the world of the Texas oil uppercrust.
Don't Let My Mama Read This: A Southern Fried Memoir
by HadjiiMeet Hadjii. He's got a loving family, a taste for making trouble, and a wicked sense of humor. His first book,Don't Let My Mama Read This, is a rarity--an upbeat memoir about a blessedly normal childhood written by a natural-born storyteller. In it, he offers a warm, witty look at the pleasures and pitfalls of growing up in a close-knit Southern family, from a young man who's just like you, only funnier.
Don't Let the Pigeon Drive the Bus
by Mo WillemsMo Willems, #1 New York Times best-selling creator and three-time Caldecott Honoree, presents the 20th anniversary edition of the book that started it all: Don't Let the Pigeon Drive the Bus!, now featuring an exclusive board game! When the Bus Driver takes a break from his route, a very unlikely volunteer springs up to take his place—a pigeon! But you've never met a pigeon like this one before. As the Pigeon pleads, wheedles, and begs his way through the book, readers answer back and decide his fate.
Don't Lick the Minivan
by Leanne ShirtliffeAs a woman used to traveling and living the high life in Bangkok, Leanne Shirtliffe recognized the constant fodder for humor while pregnant with twins in Asia's sin city. But in spite of deep-fried bug cuisine and nurses who cover newborn bassinets with plastic wrap, Shirtliffe manages to keep her babies alive for a year with help from a Coca-Cola deliveryman, several waitresses, and a bra factory. Then she and her husband return home to the isolation of North American suburbia.In Don't Lick the Minivan, Shirtliffe captures the bizarre aspects of parenting in her edgy, honest voice. She explores the hazards of everyday life with children such as:The birthday party where neighborhood kids took home skin rashes from the second-hand face paint she applied.The time she discovered her twins carving their names into her minivan's paint with rocks.The funeral she officiated for "Stripper Barbie."The horror of glitter.And much more!A delayed encounter with postpartum depression helps Shirtliffe to realize that even if she can't teach her kids how to tie their shoelaces, she's a good enough mom. At least good enough to start saving for her twins' therapy fund. And possibly her own. Crisply written, Don't Lick the Minivan will have parents laughing out loud and nodding in agreement. Shirtliffe's memoir might not replace a therapist, but it is a lot cheaper.
Don't Lick the Minivan: And Other Things I Never Thought I'd Say to My Kids
by Leanne ShirtliffeAs a woman used to traveling and living the high life in Bangkok, Leanne Shirtliffe recognized the constant fodder for humor while pregnant with twins in Asia’s sin city. But in spite of deep-fried bug cuisine and nurses who cover newborn bassinets with plastic wrap, Shirtliffe manages to keep her babies alive for a year with help from a Coca-Cola deliveryman, several waitresses, and a bra factory. Then she and her husband return home to the isolation of North American suburbia. In Don’t Lick the Minivan, Shirtliffe captures the bizarre aspects of parenting in her edgy, honest voice. She explores the hazards of everyday life with children such as: The birthday party where neighborhood kids took home skin rashes from the second-hand face paint she applied. The time she discovered her twins carving their names into her minivan’s paint with rocks. The funeral she officiated for "Stripper Barbie. ” The horror of glitter. And much more! Shirtliffe eventually realizes that even if she can’t teach her kids how to tie their shoelaces, she’s a good enough mom. At least good enough to start saving for her twins’ therapy fund. And possibly her own. Shirtliffe’s memoir might not replace a therapist, but it is a lot cheaper.
Don't Look Back, You'll Trip Over: My Guide to Life
by Michael CaineThe Hollywood screen legend brings his wit, insight, entertaining stories and wisdom to answer questions about every aspect of his long life - inspiring us all to Be More Michael Caine. I'm always asked questions - by fans, by other actors and friends, by my grandchildren. They want to know how I've lasted so long, how I handle fame, why I chose to do some of my films, which films and actors I like best and so forth.They also want to know what makes me tick, what makes me get up in the morning in my 90s, and whether I'll ever retire. (The answer to that one is "No!")Over a long life, I've learnt a lot and had the opportunity to reflect. I've seen a new generation grow up, among them my own grandchildren, facing the world with all its challenges and problems. I hope they'll find Don't Look Back, You'll Trip Over: My Guide to Life helps them to be optimistic - and shows that anyone can blow the bloody doors off.An iconic book, from one of our best-loved actors: this is Michael Caine at his very best.
Don't Look Back, You'll Trip Over: My Guide to Life
by Michael CaineThe Hollywood screen legend brings his wit, insight, entertaining stories and wisdom to answer questions about every aspect of his long life - inspiring us all to Be More Michael Caine. I'm always asked questions - by fans, by other actors and friends, by my grandchildren. They want to know how I've lasted so long, how I handle fame, why I chose to do some of my films, which films and actors I like best and so forth.They also want to know what makes me tick, what makes me get up in the morning in my 90s, and whether I'll ever retire. (The answer to that one is "No!")Over a long life, I've learnt a lot and had the opportunity to reflect. I've seen a new generation grow up, among them my own grandchildren, facing the world with all its challenges and problems. I hope they'll find Don't Look Back, You'll Trip Over: My Guide to Life helps them to be optimistic - and shows that anyone can blow the bloody doors off.An iconic book, from one of our best-loved actors: this is Michael Caine at his very best.
Don't Look Back, You'll Trip Over: My Guide to Life
by Michael CaineThe Hollywood screen legend brings his wit, insight, entertaining stories and wisdom to answer questions about every aspect of his long life - inspiring us all to Be More Michael Caine. I'm always asked questions - by fans, by other actors and friends, by my grandchildren. They want to know how I've lasted so long, how I handle fame, why I chose to do some of my films, which films and actors I like best and so forth.They also want to know what makes me tick, what makes me get up in the morning in my 90s, and whether I'll ever retire. (The answer to that one is "No!")Over a long life, I've learnt a lot and had the opportunity to reflect. I've seen a new generation grow up, among them my own grandchildren, facing the world with all its challenges and problems. I hope they'll find Don't Look Back, You'll Trip Over: My Guide to Life helps them to be optimistic - and shows that anyone can blow the bloody doors off.An iconic book, from one of our best-loved actors: this is Michael Caine at his very best.
Don't Look Down (Samantha Jellicoe Series)
by Suzanne EnochA reformed thief and a billionaire sleuth together in a romantic comedy from a New York Times bestseller “reminiscent of The Thin Man ’s Nick and Nora” (Booklist, starred review).Samantha Jellicoe is no ordinary thief. At least, not anymore. She promised her significant other, British billionaire Rick Addison, that she’d retire from her life of crime. So no more midnight break-ins . . . no more scaling estate walls . . . no more dangling from the ceiling. From here on in, it’s intimate dinners with Rick in posh Palm Beach followed by rock-your-world sex.Who’d have thought that doing the right thing would turn out to be more deadly than her former life of crime? When the first client of her new security business is murdered, Sam is determined to find the killer. Now if only she can manage to stay out of jail, resist her former “associate’s” lucrative job offers, and keep Rick from sticking his nose into her business, she might just manage to stay alive. Because trouble isn’t just walking—it’s running—to catch up with her.“Playful love scenes and a large dose of humor.” —Publishers Weekly
Don't Lose Mr. Cuddles: Life Lessons from Chip the Dog (Life Lessons from Chip the Dog)
by Dev PettyChip the dog from Don't Eat Bees and Don't Trust Cats is back, but his best stuffie Mr. Cuddles is MISSING! Any child who has ever lost a toy will relate!Chip and his best friend Mr. Cuddles have been through a lot together, including that terrible time when Mr. Cuddles had to go in the washing machine. The two are inseparable, but now . . . Mr. Cuddles is GONE! Where could he be? How will Chip cope without his constant companion? And what role did Mittens the cat have in this mystery?Young readers will love following Chip's feverish search for Mr. Cuddles, which ends with a happy, fluffy, and super-silly reunion.
Don't Lose Your Head: Life Lessons from the Six Ex-Wives of Henry VIII
by Harriet MarsdenSurvive alongside Henry VIII’s ill-fated wives with this witty book of essential life advice, history, and trivia—perfect for fans of the hit musical Six.Get the inside scoop from some of the toughest women in English history, as ex-wives, mothers, and daughters of King Henry VIII dish out all their survival secrets in this humorous guide to life. With a bit of sarcasm and friendly charm, each of these legendary ladies explains how their sixteenth-century hard-earned lessons (from living with unstable men to stifling Tudor traditions) apply to twenty-first-century dating, marriage, and feminism.Written from the perspectives of each of the different women around Henry VIII, you’ll get the facts from the Queen Mother and the less-remembered but no less important Anne of Cleves, Katherine Howard, and more.With must-know historical trivia alongside wise life advice, Don’t Lose Your Head is the perfect survival guide for fans obsessed with Broadway’s latest historical pop musical Six, as well as anyone fascinated by British royalty and culture.
Don't Make A Black Woman Take Off Her Earrings
by Tyler PerryIf you can count on one thing from "Madea" Mabel Simmons, star of the smash hits Diary of a Mad Black Woman, Madea's Family Reunion, and Madea's Witness Protection, it's that she's got something to say. Now the beloved, sharp-tongued, pistol-packing grandmother has her own lifestyle book-part memoir, many parts hard-won, hilarious, straight-up in-your-face words of wisdom. Don't Make a Black Woman Take Off Her Earrings is a #1 New York Times bestseller and a won a Quill Award for Book of the Year, Best Humor Book in 2006. .
Don't Make Me Smile
by Barbara Park"Don't even try to make me smile about this," Charlie Hickle warns his parents. They've just dropped a major bombshell: They're getting a divorce -- and they expect him to be happy for them! Well, Charlie has some big news for Mom and Dad: he's not going to let them get away with this! Instead of being cheerful, he launches a campaign to show them how he really feels. He refuses to eat this mother's cooking. He causes trouble in school. He makes nasty remarks about his father's shabby new apartment. But no matter what he does, his parents just don't seem to get the picture. Isn't it obvious they're ruining his life?From the Trade Paperback edition.
Don't Make a Black Woman Take Off Her Earrings: Madea's Uninhibited Commentaries on Love and Life
by Tyler PerryMadea is the beloved, hilarious, sharp-witted, pistol-packing grandmother who's watching out and speaking her mind.
Don't Mess with the Ninja Puppy! #6
by Nancy Krulik Sebastien BraunWhen Sparky's magic bone blasts him to Tokyo, Japan, he discovers a whole new world--one with karaoke, "squishy fishy" and sumo wrestlers! His new friend, an Akita named Nanami, guides him around the city, until Sparky loses her in a crowd. But it turns out Nanami isn't just any Akita. She's the queen of the Ninja Dogs--a fierce group who are convinced that Sparky has kidnapped her! To make matters worse, the Ninja Dogs have Sparky's magic bone, and won't return it until he leads them to Nanami. It's up to Sparky to reunite the Ninja Dog family so he can return home to his own!
Don't Panic: Douglas Adams & The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
by Neil GaimanThe #1 New York Times–bestselling author&’s &“hilarious . . . idiosyncratic . . . delightful&” and definitive companion to a global phenomenon (Publishers Weekly). Douglas Adams&’s &“six-part trilogy,&” The Hitchhiker&’s Guide to the Galaxy grew from a blip of a notion into an ever-expanding multimedia universe that amassed an unprecedented cult of followers and became an international sensation. As a young journalist, Neil Gaiman was given complete access to Adams&’s life, times, gossip, unpublished outtakes, and files (and became privy to his writing process, insecurities, disillusionments, challenges, and triumphs). The resulting volume illuminates the unique, funny, dramatic, and improbable chronicle of an idea, an incredibly tall man, and a mind-boggling success story. In Don&’t Panic, Gaiman celebrates everything Hitchhiker: the original radio play, the books, comics, video and computer games, films, television series, record albums, stage musicals, one-man shows, the Great One himself, and towels. And as Douglas Adams himself attested: &“It&’s all absolutely devastatingly true—except the bits that are lies.&” Updated several times in the thirty years since its original publication, Don&’t Panic is available for the first time in digital form. Part biography, part tell-all parody, part pop-culture history, part guide to a guide, Don&’t Panic &“deserves as much cult success as the Hitchhiker&’s books themselves&” (Time Out).
Don't Put Me In, Coach: My Incredible NCAA Journey from the End of the Bench to the End of the Bench
by Mark TitusAn irreverent, hilarious insider's look at big-time NCAA basketball, through the eyes of the nation's most famous benchwarmer and author of the popular blog ClubTrillion.com (3.6m visits!). Mark Titus holds the Ohio State record for career wins, and made it to the 2007 national championship game. You would think Titus would be all over the highlight reels. You'd be wrong. In 2006, Mark Titus arrived on Ohio State's campus as a former high school basketball player who aspired to be an orthopedic surgeon. Somehow, he was added to the elite Buckeye basketball team, given a scholarship, and played alongside seven future NBA players on his way to setting the record for most individual career wins in Ohio State history. Think that's impressive? In four years, he scored a grand total of nine--yes, nine--points. This book will give readers an uncensored and uproarious look inside an elite NCAA basketball program from Titus's unique perspective. In his four years at the end of the bench, Mark founded his wildly popular blog Club Trillion, became a hero to all guys picked last, and even got scouted by the Harlem Globetrotters. Mark Titus is not your average basketball star. This is a wild and completely true story of the most unlikely career in college basketball. A must-read for all fans of March Madness and college sports!
Don't Say I Didn't Warn You: Kids, Carbs, and the Coming Hormonal Apocalypse
by Anita RenfroeWhen I first learned that I was pregnant, I thought this was going to be the most blessed, beautiful, rose-petals-at-my-feet-and-bluebirds-lighting-upon-my-forearm time of my life.Then I went for my first prenatal visit.Which starts with a weigh-in.From comedian Anita Renfroe, already beloved by women's groups and YouTube viewers across America, comes this hilarious and brazenly honest look at motherhood and middle age. Famous for her live performance of the "Mom Song," which barrels through everything a mom says to her kids in a single day to the tune of the "William Tell Overture" (just two minutes and fifty-five seconds), in Don't Say I Didn't Warn You, Renfroe now turns her irreverent and daringly accurate comic eye to other female conditions.In chapters with names like "Brother, Can You Spare an Epidural?" and "Playing Favorites (Or, As a Matter of Fact, I Do Love Your Brother More)," she dares to speak what other women are thinking--but don't say out loud. Using wit and honesty as her weapons of choice, Renfroe shares her deeply funny and relatable takes on everything from weddings to mammograms to every woman's never-ending quest for just one good photo of herself.The world is a bounty of material for Renfroe; with it, she makes a feast of laughter for us all. Don't say we didn't warn you.
Don't Say Poop!
by Jimmy Matejek-MorrisEveryone Poops meets The Book with No Pictures in this irresistibly naughty read-aloud. When you get the urge to say you-know-what, don't. DON'T SAY POOP!Why say a vile word like poop when you could say humdrum bum crumbs, float-or-sinker, major stinker, sometimes mushy from your tushy, or smelly belly funky jelly. See how much nicer that is? This silly book of tongue twisters will have kids doubled over as they learn some alternatives to their favorite potty words. Perfect for reading aloud, and for reading again and again!
Don't Say a Word
by Rita HerronGroomed by a covert group of elite killers, Damon left the secretsociety to join the FBI after a mission went brutally wrong andan innocent woman died.When his brother is arrested for murder, Damon investigates andfinds a "Jane Doe" who holds the key to the case, along witha darker terror-one that threatens to expose Damon's deadlysecrets and destroy them all. Despite the danger, he's drawn to the nameless beauty, igniting apassion that burns hot between them. But with a madman out tosilence her forever, Damon knows he must deny their love. Andto stop the man responsible, he must return to the one placehe has desperately tried to leave behind-the dark shadows ofa killer's mind....
Don't Say a Word, Mamá / No digas nada, Mamá
by Joe HayesAn amusing tale, about sisterly affection and motherly appreciation. You can never have too much love for your family, but you can have too many hot chiles! Un cuento divertido, sobre el cariño entre hermanas y el aprecio maternal. ¡Nunca puedes tener demasiado amor por tu familia, pero puedes tener demasiados chiles picantes!Author Joe Hayes and artist Esau Andrade team up to deliver an affectionate tale about siblings and familial love. Two sisters try to outdo each other with generous gifts. Each new offering from one sister to the other is a secret to everyone except their mother who is tasked with keeping quiet. This fun read aloud will have readers crying out, "Don't say a word, Mama!" Until, of course, she does. El autor Joe Hayes y el artista Esau Andrade se unen para ofrecer una historia afectuosa sobre los hermanos y el amor familiar. Dos hermanas intentan superarse entre sí con generosos regalos. Cada nueva ofrenda de una hermana a la otra es un secreto para todos, excepto para su madre, que tiene la tarea de guardar silencio. Esta divertida lectura en voz alta hará que los lectores griten: "¡No digas una palabra, mamá!" Hasta que, por supuesto, lo hace.
Don't Say a Word: A Daughter's Two Cents
by Elizabeth Roper MarcusEdna and Leo, a perpetually warring, tyrannical pair in their 80s, begin wintering In Mexico, where they abandon their usual prudence to embrace adventure and a bevy of sketchy new friends. Soon, Edna adopts a pair of shyster builders whom she trusts over her own architect-daughter Elizabeth, and a farcical house results. Blithely indifferent to the calamities that result, the pair refuse all help from their too-compliant only child.Later, following her mother’s sudden death, Elizabeth’s wise, principled father attempts to fill his late wife’s shoes with a string of loopy, live-in housekeepers—with privileges, he hopes. Before it is over the Mexican escapade will bring down the kind of disasters commonly found in pulp fiction. Why can’t Elizabeth stop any of this from happening? No matter the madness, she cannot confront her parents any more than she ever could. In the end, the surprising way in which they come undone reveals just what they spent their lives trying to hide, thereby setting her free.Though unique in its loony details, Don’t Say A Word! will resonate with beleaguered adult-children everywhere who will recognize the special misery of watching, helpless, as stubborn, diminished parents careen precariously toward the end of life.