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Don't Scream!: Hall Of Horrors #5: Don't Scream! (Goosebumps Hall of Horrors #5)
by R. L. StineWelcome to the Hall of Horrors, HorrorLand's Hall of Fame for the truly terrifying.Jack Harmon can't think of anything worse than getting picked on by the bullies at school, until he discovers an even bigger threat. After finding a cell phone, Jack begins to hear a strange voice on the other end. Jack keeps trying to make his new "friend" happy. Now everyone thinks Jack has lost his mind. How can he overcome an something that he can't see but is everywhere?
Don't Sleep With Your Drummer
by Jen SinceroAt twenty-eight, Jenny Troanni has decided to become the rock goddess she was always meant to be. -Items on her new to-do list include:1) Quit going-somewhere copywriting job and get going-to-band-practice job. 2) Break up with Hootie and the Blowfish-lovin' boyfriend. 3) Hang out in skanky bars. Meet musicians. 4) Cash in pension and buy kickass guitar amp. 5) Team up with sex-crazed guitar genius/best friend Lucy Stover Hanover II. After auditioning every musician in the greater Los Angeles area-- including the deluded, deranged, and underaged-- Jenny finds the perfect lineup, and 60-Foot Queenie is born. But while reveling in free tequila shots, autograph hunters, and other perks of minor stardom, Jenny realizes with a shock that 60-Foot Queenie is poised to become even bigger than she imagined. Suddenly, she's learning the real lessons of Rock and Roll High School, including the danger of trusting a record company executive who ties a ponytail in his goatee, and the ten telltale signs your bass player is living in your practice space. Part diary, part crash course in rock stardom,Don't Sleep with Your Drummer is a hilarious, no-holds-barred guide through the pleasures and pitfalls of the music industry---from the beginning to the bitter end, and back again.
Don't Sleep With a Bubba: Unless Your Eggs Are In Wheelchairs
by Susan Reinhardt"The Southern Belles answer to David Sedaris. " --Karin Gillespie "Shes like a modern-day, southern-fried Erma Bombeck or Dave Barry. "--Booklist Aimed at anyone with a funny bone, these all new stories and essays by Gannett-syndicated columnist Susan Reinhardt tackle domestic life, particularly of the Southern persuasion, with sidesplitting observations and searing confessions. Reinhardt candidly lets readers into her world as she goes mano a mano with her Bubba of a husband--and occasionally her mother. From discovering shes getting a dreaded "front fanny" to revealing her husbands experiments with a Norelco shaver and their Pomeranian pooch, Reinhardt scrapes bare the bedrock truth about married life and love. She also poignantly shares her struggles with a depression that secretly plunged her downward and her reaction to the unexpected helping hands that pulled her up. Totally uncensored and blisteringly honest, Reinhardt is all heart--and a storyteller to savor and remember. "So engaging. . . so honest. . . will make you laugh out loud. "--The Asheville Citizen-Times "Like hanging out with your bluntest, most mischievous friend, the one who never fails to crack you up. " --Chicago Sun-Times "Funny and touching. . . Reinhardt is not afraid to put it all out there. "--The Pilot (N. C. ) "Susan Reinhardt takes the naked, honest truth and sets it on fire in a blaze of laughter. . . will have you holding your sides the whole time. " --Laurie Notaro, Autobiography of a Fat Girl "She can break your heart in one sentence and leave you laughing till youre breathless in the next. " --Julie Cannon, True Love & Homegrown Tomatoes Susan Reinhardt is a syndicated columnist and feature writer whose work has appeared all over the world in major newspapers such as the Washington Post, London Daily Mirror, Newsday, and other Tribune Media and Gannett publications. Reinhardt has won dozens of awards for her writing, including several Best of Gannett honors and a Pulitzer Prize nomination. A long-time volunteer fund-raiser for Hospice, the United Way, the American Lymphoma and Leukemia Society, the PTO and other worthwhile and not so worthwhile causes, Reinhardt is also a proud member of the Not Quite Write Book Club, a group of ten women who drink wine and pretend to act literary. A true Daughter of the South, Susan Reinhardt was born in South Carolina, was raised in Georgia, and currently makes her home in Asheville, North Carolina, the jewel city of the Blue Ridge Mountains. She has two adorable children and still calls her mama every night.
Don't Splash the Sasquatch! (A Sasquatch Picture Book #1)
by Kent RedekerWhen Senor Sasquatch boards the bus, he makes one thing perfectly clear to driver: he doesn't like to be squished. But as the bus travels along its route, other passengers get on -- like Miss Elephant Shark, Mr. Octo-Rhino and Miss Whale Goat! Soon senor Sasquatch finds himself at risk . . . of being squished!
Don't Squat With Your Spurs On, Volume No. 2: A Cowboy's Guide to Life
by Texas Bix BenderMore Western wit, wisdom, and words to live by! Whether the glass is half empty or half full depends on whether you&’re drinking or pouring. A stranger&’s business ain&’t yours. We might not be so bad off if we had a little less of everything. Henry Ward Beecher said &“the common sense of one century is the common sense of the next.&” This follow-up the multimillion-selling collection of cowboy wit and wisdom shares the sorts of sayings and observations that get handed down from generation to generation—and that provide not only belly laughs but plenty of sage advice.
Don't Squat With Your Spurs On: A Cowboy's Guide to Life
by Texas Bix BenderWith over three million copies sold, this collection of cowboy wisdom and words to live by is &“worthy of a book rustler&” (South Bend Tribune). In the tradition of humorist Will Rogers, Don&’t Squat with Your Spurs On takes a look at life through the eyes of the cowboy. It&’s filled with quips and quotes that represent the Code of the West, like: &“Always drink upstream from the herd&” and &“The easiest way to eat crow is while it's still warm. The colder it gets, the harder it is to swallow.&” A modern classic, it&’s full of good laughs—and good old-fashioned wisdom.
Don't Stand Where the Comet Is Assumed to Strike Oil: A Dilbert Book (Dilbert #23)
by Scott Adams"Confined to their cubicles in a company run by idiot bosses, Dilbert and his white-collar colleagues make the dronelike world of Kafka seem congenial."— The New York TimesWhy is Dilbert such a phenomenon? People see their own dreary, monotonous lives brought to comedic life in the ubiquitous strip. In the 23rd collection of Scott Adams' tremendously popular series, Don't Stand Where the Comet Is Assumed to Strike Oil, suppressed and repressed workers everywhere can follow the latest developments in the so-called careers of Dilbert, power-hungry Dogbert, Catbert, Ratbert, the pointy-haired boss, and other supporting—but don't you dare call them supportive—characters. Each "funny because it's true" scenario bears an uncanny, hysterical, and sometimes uncomfortable similarity to cubicle-filled corporate America.
Don't Start Me Talkin'
by Tom WilliamsDon't Start Me Talkin' is a comedic road novel about Brother Ben, the only remaining True Delta Bluesman, playing his final North American tour. Set in contemporary society, Brother Ben's protege Silent Sam Stamps narrates an episodic 'last ride,' laying bare America's complicated relationship with African American identity, music, and culture, and like his hero Sonny Boy Williamson once sang, Silent Sam promises "I'll tell everything I know." Don't Start Me Talkin' is not merely a story about the blues, but with its rhythm, language, and sense of self and place, it also channels the DNA of this very American style of music.
Don't Stop Me Now
by Jeremy ClarksonJeremy Clarkson puts the pedal to the floor in Don't Stop Me Now; a collection of his Sunday Times motoring journalism. There's more to life than cars. Jeremy Clarkson knows this. There is, after all, a whole world out there just waiting to be discovered. So, before he gets on to torque steer and active suspension, he takes time out to consider: • The madness of Galapagos tortoises • The similarities between Jeremy Paxman and AC/DC's bass guitarist • The problems and perils of being English • God's dumbest creation Then there are the cars: whether it's the poxiest little runabout or an exotic, firebreathing supercar, no one does cars like Clarkson. Unmoved by mechanics' claims and unimpressed by press junkets, he approaches anything on four wheels without fear or favour. What emerges from the ashes is rarely pretty. But always very, very funny. Praise for Jeremy Clarkson: 'Brilliant . . . laugh-out-loud' Daily Telegraph 'Outrageously funny . . . will have you in stitches' Time Out Number-one bestseller Jeremy Clarkson writes on cars, current affairs and anything else that annoys him in his sharp and funny collections. Born To Be Riled, Clarkson On Cars, Don't Stop Me Now, Driven To Distraction, Round the Bend, Motorworld, and I Know You Got Soul are also available as Penguin paperbacks; the Penguin App iClarkson: The Book of Cars can be downloaded on the App Store. Jeremy Clarkson because his writing career on the Rotherham Advertiser. Since then he has written for the Sun and the Sunday Times. Today he is the tallest person working in British television, and is the presenter of the hugely popular Top Gear.
Don't Stop the Carnival: A Novel
by Herman WoukThe basis for the Herman Wouk–Jimmy Buffett musical: A middle-aged New Yorker buys a Caribbean hotel and learns that paradise has its drawbacks in this novel that &“moves as fast as a Marx Brothers movie&” (The New York Times Book Review). Broadway press agent Norman Paperman is pushing fifty with one heart attack already under his belt. So he decides to chuck the stressful Manhattan life and bring his wife and teenage daughter to a lush green island. With the help of a wheeler-dealer friend, he winds up buying a small hotel. How hard could running one be? Pretty hard, actually, when you throw in an earthquake, plumbing problems, rampaging ants, and a few more unexpected developments at the Gull Reef Club. Before long, Norman&’s spirit is as drained as his bank account, his marriage is on the brink, and he&’s desperately searching for a way out of this beautiful nightmare . . .Don&’t Stop the Carnival is a clever comic departure for the Pulitzer Prize–winning, #1 New York Times–bestselling author of such classics as Marjorie Morningstar, The Winds of War, and The Caine Mutiny—and eventually served as the basis for the celebrated Jimmy Buffett album and stage musical. &“Funny [and] continuously entertaining. . . . Norman Paperman, although hardly an admirable person, is exceedingly human and entirely believable. One cringes with sympathy for him.&” —The New York Times &“His sandy beaches are alive with stinging sand flies . . . farce laced with tears.&” —Time
Don't Swap Your Sweater for a Dog
by Katherine Applegate Brian BiggsThe hilarious chapter book series about an accidental rule breaker from Katherine Applegate, Newbery Medal-winning and bestselling author of The One and Only Ivan and Crenshaw, returns with a fresh new cover from artist Brian Biggs and bonus material!It seems like everyone has an award of some kind. Except Roscoe. But a pet-trick contest is coming up, and first prize is a big, shiny trophy. Roscoe really wants that trophy--would he even borrow someone else's dog to win?Roscoe and his comical misadventures will appeal to fans of Megan McDonald's Stink series, Nancy Krulik's George Brown, Class Clown series, and Dan Gutman's My Weirder School series. This repackaged edition includes Roscoe Riley's Time-Out Activities, featuring lists, games, and more.
Don't Swap Your Sweater for a Dog (Roscoe Riley Rules #3)
by Katherine ApplegateA trophy for Roscoe? It seems like everyone has an award of some kind. Except Roscoe. But a pet-trick contest is coming up, and first prize is a big, shiny trophy. Roscoe really wants that trophy-would he even borrow someone else's dog to win?
Don't Sweat the Small Stuff: A Novel (The Stuff Series #4)
by Don BrunsUSA Today best-selling authorIt's official: stumbling, bumbling James Lessor and Skip Moore are licensed private investigators. Now, that's some scary stuff.It could take time to get Moore or Less investigations off the ground, so James takes a job with a traveling carnival show. But this show has a dubious reputation, having had a string of accidents and at least one death in the past year. When they're hired to investigate what's caused the carnival chaos, James and Skip set into motion a dizzying, roller coaster chain of events. After a terrifying trip on the Dragon Tail ride, a not-so-fun dust-up in Freddy's Fun House, and a host of threats, James and Skip realize they'll get anything but cooperation from this cantankerous cast of carnies. But when a carnival worker is murdered, James and Skip will have to act fast-because they might be next in line. For James and Skip, the only thing sweeter than the smell of corndogs and fried dough will be the sweet smell of success-but in this case, success means getting out alive. This investigation is going completely off the rails.
Don't Swipe Right: A Novel
by L.M. ChiltonA young woman must unmask a serial killer and prove her innocence, all before her best friend&’s wedding in this hilarious &“sultry summer thriller&” (The New York Times).Gwen Turner has made a bloody mess of her life. She recently broke up with the best man she&’s ever known for reasons she can&’t even admit to herself and quit a lucrative job to open her own coffee shop. To top it all off, her best friend is getting married and leaving her behind in singlehood. Along with too much cheap wine and bad reality TV, Gwen turns to a dating app to help fill the void in her life. Swiping through the few eligible bachelors left in town, she spends her evenings out on one disastrous date after another. But when a string of murders suddenly occurs in her small coastal English city, she&’s shocked by the connection between each of the victims—they&’ve all been on a date with her. Before she knows what&’s happening, Gwen finds herself the main suspect in a serial killer&’s murderous spree, and the only way she can clear her name is to track down her former dates (even those that have ghosted her) and unmask a killer before it&’s too late.
Don't Take Your Snake for a Stroll
by Karin IrelandKarin Ireland's hilarious verse and David Catrow's wacky visuals just might convince you that sometimes it's best to leave your creatures at home.
Don't Talk Back to Your Vampire (Broken Heart, Oklahoma #2)
by Michele BardsleyFrom the back cover: Ever since a master vampire became possessed and bit a bunch of parents, the town of Broken Heart, Oklahoma, has catered to those of us who don't rise until sunset even if that means PTA meetings at midnight. As for me, Eva LeRoy, town librarian and single mother to a teenage daughter, I'm pretty much used to being "vampified." You can't beat the great side effects: no crow's-feet or cellulite! But books still make my undead heart beat - and, strangely enough, so does Lorcan the Loner. My mama always told me everyone deserves a second chance. Still, it's one thing to deal with the usual undead hassles: rival vamps, rambunctious kids adjusting to night school, and my daughter's new boyfriend, who's a vampire hunter, for heaven's sake. It's quite another to fall for the vampire who killed you...
Don't Tap-dance on Your Teacher (Roscoe Riley Rules #5)
by Katherine ApplegateRoscoe Riley doesn't mean to break the rules. Don't Tap-Dance on Your Teacher Rat-tat-TAT! Tap shoes make the best noise ever! But tap-dancing? The big boys say that's just for girls. Roscoe promised to tap in the school talent show. When the teasing starts, will he keep his word?
Don't Tell the Boss: the funniest book you'll read this year (Don't Tell the Groom #2)
by Anna Bell'I love this book. I can't put it down!' Amazon reviewer. A laugh-out-loud romantic comedy perfect for fans of Holly Martin and Joanna Bolouri.When newlywed Penny turns her hand to some casual wedding planning she only wants to help other women afford the big day of their dreams. But taming bridezillas turns out to be a full-time occupation, and what began as a hobby becomes a personal and professional nightmare. Soon Penny is struggling to keep her day job and prevent her own marriage from collapsing under the strain: tired, stressed and knee-deep in ivory satin, is Penny's life and livelihood hanging by a thread?
Don't Tell the Brides-to-Be: A hilarious wedding comedy (Don't Tell the Groom #3)
by Anna BellA laugh-out-loud romantic comedy perfect for fans of Holly Martin and Joanna Bolouri.Things are looking up for Penny. Her business, Princess on a Shoestring, is thriving. That is, until a rival planner decides to take her down-one hard-won bride at a time. Now Penny must fight to save her reputation and her livelihood before it's too late. But when a romantic weekend away has some unexpected consequences, Penny's expectations for her career are brought back down to earth with a bump...From the author of The Bucket List to Mend a Broken Heart, here's what readers are saying about Anna Bell: 'Romantic and refreshing' Mhairi McFarlane 'Best read in a long time!' Amazon reviewer 'A fun, bouncy, brilliant tale' Heat
Don't Tell the Groom: a perfect feel-good romantic comedy!
by Anna Bell'Fantastic, funny, unputdownable!' Amazon reviewer. A laugh-out-loud romantic comedy perfect for fans of Holly Martin and Joanna Bolouri.Penny has big dreams for her wedding day. She has been saving for ages to make her dream a reality. So when Mark finally pops the question, it's the best moment of her life. But when she checks her wedding fund she is horrified to discover that something has gone terribly wrong. And so, operation 'Don't Tell the Groom' rolls into action, with surprising, hilarious and moving results. Will Penny be able to keep her secret long enough to say 'I do'?
Don't Tell the Groom: a perfect feel-good romantic comedy! (Don't Tell the Groom #1)
by Anna Bell'Fantastic, funny, unputdownable!' Amazon reviewer. A laugh-out-loud romantic comedy perfect for fans of Holly Martin and Joanna Bolouri.Penny has big dreams for her wedding day. She has been saving for ages to make her dream a reality. So when Mark finally pops the question, it's the best moment of her life. But when she checks her wedding fund she is horrified to discover that something has gone terribly wrong. And so, operation 'Don't Tell the Groom' rolls into action, with surprising, hilarious and moving results. Will Penny be able to keep her secret long enough to say 'I do'?
Don't Tell the Teacher
by Gervase PhinnBrilliantly observed as always, family, teachers, pupils and the dreaded school inspector all leap to life in this wonderfully warm and witty, brand new, poetry collection from bestseller Gervase Phinn. New kids, disobedient deputy heads, school reports and fireworks, daydreamers and embarrassing mums all make an appearance. And if read on you might even just discover the whereabouts of Colin's confiscated conkers...just don't tell the teacher!
Don't Think of Tigers
by Alex LatimerDream up anything you like, dear reader, and watch it come to life on the next page—just no tigers! This fun read-aloud about creativity and perspeverance will have your reader giggling and inspired, all while our hero learns that with a bit of practice, even the wildest challenges can be tamed.This book is MAGIC! Imagine anything you like, and the illustrator will draw it on the next page. There's only one rule: DON'T THINK OF TIGERS! Ready?Oh dear. You thought of tigers, didn't you? Please, think of anything else. A cow doing ballet? No problem! Just no tigers. Our illustrator really, really can't draw tigers...Or can he?As his hilariously silly and irresistibly charming drawings of tigers improve, Alex Latimer delivers a subtle but important message about practice, creativity, and embracing imperfection. A fun read-aloud that's sure to delight time and time again, this is the perfect book for kids who love to draw—and for those who don't (but might soon!).
Don't Throw That Away!
by Jeffrey Yeager"I call it creative repurposing: Finding an alternative use--or ten--for items we all throw away every day. Of course, I come from a long line of creative repurposers. My grandmother used to make Christmas decorations out of the specimen cups from my grandfather's visits to the urologist. And you wonder why I have issues?" --Jeff Yeager, the Ultimate Cheapskate Prompted by the recession, the growing interest in frugality, and his passion for environmental conservation, Jeff Yeager presents Don't Throw That Away!, a practical and entertaining guide devoted entirely to the second element of the old environmentalist's mantra: Reduce, Reuse, Recycle. With the humor and zaniness that readers have come to love from America's beloved Ultimate Cheapskate, Don't Throw That Away!, Jeff's first eBook original (talk about saving money on paper!), offers a slew of creative ways to repurpose all sorts of items that will have you saving money and the earth's resources:· Make a "cheapskate soap-on-a-rope" using a pair of worn out pantyhose and those little slivers of soap you normally discard.· Craft the perfect inflatable travel pillow using the plastic bladder from inside an empty container of "box wine" (bonus: making one will help you fall asleep). · Boil citrus rinds in water for 1 minute on the stove or in the microwave for a natural kitchen air freshener.From bottle caps to dryer lint, latex condoms to sour milk, Yeager proves that there's a way to repurpose it. Seasoned with thought-provoking facts about our disposable society and with short profiles of some true geniuses of creative repurposing (like the guy who covered his house with crushed beer cans to save money on aluminum siding), this eBook original will have you thinking twice before you reach for the garbage can and saying, "Whatever you do, Don't Throw That Away!"