- Table View
- List View
Extra Time Beckons, Penalties Loom: How to Use (and Abuse) The Language of Football
by Adam HurreyThe long-awaited follow-up to Football Clichés, Adam Hurrey's cult classic about the language of football."Adam Hurrey is the best observer of football culture in the world. He has a knack for either encapsulating something that's always nagged at you or nailing something you can't believe you haven't noticed before." Elis James"The funniest, smartest book on the language of football. It sends out a message, silences the doubters and lets its football do the talking ... a Rolls-Royce of a book." David Goldblatt***Does language evolve? Yes, it does.Will it ever be acceptable for a football commentator to call a shot that bounces before it goes in 'a screamer'? No, it will not.As the self-appointed world expert on the subject, Adam Hurrey sets off to define the definitive rules of the language of football.He will answer the big questions such as: is it acceptable to say a player is 'breaking their silence' (it's complicated), can headers can be 'lashed' (anatomically impossible), whether a penalty shootout could ever be described as 'late drama' (truly abhorrent), how many games constitute a 'bumper' day of Premier League action (minimum of eight) and just how big a deficit constitutes 'a mountain to climb' (certainly not Liverpool going 1-0 down at home to Wolves in the third minute, Sky Sports).Along the way, Hurrey examines some case studies of how the football media has reached saturation point - the transfer rumour mill, the futile art of big-match previewing, the rise of (and backlash against) football jargon - and how its language has evolved to keep the machine going.Have we let the football lexicon spiral out of control? In finding out, this book will be exactly as gloriously pedantic as it sounds.
Extra Weird! (WeirDo #3)
by Anh DoFrom bestselling author Anh Do comes the hilarious hit chapter book series, WeirDo. These illustrated books will keep readers laughing as Weir and his friends navigate the trials of elementary school.Weir's back and extra weird!Dad's working on his cool dance moves for the local talent search, while Weir's trying out for the school soccer team! Will Weir score a goal, or fall flat?It won't be easy . . . but it will be funny!
Extra Witchy (Fix-It Witches #3)
by Ann AguirreThe third in an adorable witchy rom-com series by New York Times bestselling author Ann Aguirre, perfect for fans of:The bonds of sisterhoodA career-driven heroine who thinks she isn't marriage materialA pan hero who struggles with depressionAnd a shocking family secretAfter two failed marriages, Leanne Vanderpol is here for a good time, not for a long time. She only loves the witches in her coven, and she cares more about her career than happily ever after. A difficult past makes her skittish, and she doesn't trust relationships to stick. But when she decides to run for city council instead of wasting her talents cleaning up messes for the mayor's office, she fears her past could be used against her. Unless she can find the right husband to shore up her political career…Trevor Montgomery might have peaked in high school. He was popular then, and in college as well, but he partied away his future, met the wrong person, and everything fell apart. Now he's jobless, dateless, and hopeless, at least according to his toxic family. Then a chance meeting with the redhead of his dreams offers an unexpected ray of light just when he needs it most.Can a woman who doesn't believe in forever find true love with a man who's stopped believing in anything at all?
Extra Yarn
by Mac BarnettWith a supply of yarn that never runs out, Annabelle knits for everyone and everything in town until an evil archduke decides he wants the yarn for himself. This looks like an ordinary box full of ordinary yarn. But it turns out it isn't.
Extraordinary Adventures of Ordinary Boy, Book 1: The Hero Revealed, The
by Stephen Gilpin William BonifaceA hilarious new series that proves superpowers are no match for brainpower. In the town of Superopolis, everyone has a superpower. Everyone, that is, except Ordinary Boy. He's-well, he's pretty much ordinary. But that won't stop him from taking on supervillains like the sinister Professor Brain-Drain.... This spring, welcome to Superopolis and The Extraordinary Adventures of Ordinary Boy, a clever, funny new series for kids who've outgrown Captain Underpants or anyone who loves The Incredibles and The Tick. Packed with dynamic illustrations and starring a smart young hero who could hold his own with Charlie Bone, Klaus Baudelaire, and Stanley Yelnats, this is a series that kids will find undeniably super!
Extraordinary Adventures of Ordinary Boy, Book 2: The Return of Meteor Boy?
by Stephen Gilpin William BonifaceUh-Oh! The super town of Superopolis is hiding a gigantic secret! Years ago, a young superhero named Meteor Boy mysteriously vanished during a dangerous mission. But what really happened to him? Not only that! There may be more to the Meteor Boy secret than anybody suspected! As Ordinary Boy begins to investigate, he discovers that nobody knows where Meteor Boy came from in the first place . . . and clues start to indicate that he may in fact still be alive. Who is Meteor Boy? As the Amazing Indestructo plots to exploit the memory of Meteor Boy for profit, Ordinary Boy knows that the time has come to solve the mystery once and for all. And then Superopolis will finally know the real truth about Meteor Boy. . . . In a town where everyone is extraordinary, this might just be a job for . . . Ordinary Boy.
Extraordinary Adventures: A Novel
by Daniel WallaceEdsel Bronfman works as a junior executive shipping clerk for an importer of Korean flatware. He lives in a seedy neighborhood and spends his free time with his spirited mother. Things happen to other people, and Bronfman knows it. Until, that is, he gets a call from operator 61217 telling him that he’s won a free weekend at a beachfront condo in Destin, Florida. But there’s a catch: the offer is intended for a couple, and Bronfman has only seventy-nine days to find someone to take with him.The phone call jolts Bronfman into motion, initiating a series of truly extraordinary adventures as he sets out to find a companion for his weekend getaway. Open at last to the possibilities of life, Bronfman now believes that anything can happen. And it does.A large-hearted and optimistic novel, Extraordinary Adventures is the latest from the New York Times bestselling Daniel Wallace.
Extraordinary*: *The True Story of My Fairygodparent, Who Almost Killed Me, and Certainly Never Made Me a Princess
by Adam SelzerJennifer Van Der Berg would like you to know that the book ostensibly written about her--Born to Be Extraordinary by Eileen Codlin--is a bunch of bunk. Yes, she had a fairy godparent mess with her life, but no, she was not made into a princess or given the gift of self-confidence, and she sure as hell didn't get a hot boyfriend out of it. Here's the REAL scoop . . .From the Hardcover edition.
Extreme Makeover: A Novel
by Dan WellsDan Well's Extreme Makeover is a satirical new suspense about a health and beauty company that accidentally develops a hand lotion that can overwrite your DNA.Lyle Fontanelle is the chief scientist for NewYew, a health and beauty company experimenting with a new, anti-aging hand lotion. As more and more anomalies crop up in testing, Lyle realizes that the lotion's formula has somehow gone horribly wrong. It is actively overwriting the DNA of anyone who uses it, turning them into physical clones of someone else. Lyle wants to destroy the formula, but NewYew thinks it might be the greatest beauty product ever designed--and the world's governments think it's the greatest weapon.New York Times bestselling author Dan Wells brings us a gripping corporate satire about a health and beauty company that could destroy the world in Extreme Makeover.At the Publisher's request, this title is being sold without Digital Rights Management Software (DRM) applied.
Extreme Romancing in Idaho (Clear Springs Romance #2)
by Bonnie Jo PiersonA heartfelt romance set in rural Idaho, perfect for fans of Robyn Carr and Jojo Moyes, exploring love&’s triumph over material desires.Angie Johnson wants nothing more than to keep her parents' struggling Idaho farm running, maintain her career as a NICU nurse, and find a man to marry before her father passes away from cancer. Unfortunately, even if she had time to meet someone, the online dating world is full of dead ends. That is, until she meets Daniel Smoot, a man ready to settle down on her timeline. Unfortunately, in order to reel him in, Angie may have told him a little white lie: that she, who is afraid of heights, is very into extreme sports. Remington James the Third has his own set of problems, and finding a woman is not one. He's in town to convince Angie's parents to sell their land to his family's development company. In order to get on their good side, he takes a job at the farm and volunteers to help Angie snag Smoot by training her in extreme sports and the intricate art of seduction. What he doesn't plan on is falling for the woman whose life he's been ordered to uproot. A wholesome romance about choosing love over your bank account, Extreme Romancing in Idaho will steal your heart.
Extreme Stories from the Extreme Hills: 5-Minute Adventure Stories for Minecrafters (5-Minute Stories for Minecrafters #1)
by Grace Sandford Greyson MannWhile Audrey yearns for new adventures, her brother Oliver dreams of hidden treasures. When the twins explore different biomes, they find plenty of both in 5-Minute Adventures for Minecrafters, an all-new series of stories for Minecrafters that can be read in 5 minutes! In Extreme Stories from the Extreme Hills, Audrey and Oliver collect many treasures—and mini adventures. For every dangerous hike up a rocky cliff, there’s a waterfall roaring back down. Each dungeon hides a treasure chest—but also a monster spawner! As the mobs get deadlier, the stakes grow higher. The twins hope to make it back to Birchtown with their treasures in hand. Will the next ravine lead to riches or to a river of hot lava? There’s only one way to find out. These five-minute stories promise plenty of twists and turns—and surprise endings. In 5-Minute Adventures for Minecrafters: Extreme Stories from the Extreme Hills, the twins explore one of the Overworld’s most treacherous terrains, one exciting step at a time.
Extremely Inappropriate Dad Jokes: More Than 300 Hazardous Jokes, Side-Splitting Puns, & Hilarious One-Liners to Make You the Master of Questionable Comedy
by Joe KerzWarning: Inappropriate Joking Ahead! Bring your dad jokes to the next level with this questionable collection of inappropriate and dirty puns, riddles, and one-liners! Not for the faint of heart, this book will make you the king of the barroom conversation and the bane of your family get-togethers! They’ll never want to take you anywhere after you break out jokes such as: What has a hundred balls and screws old women? BingoWhy didn’t the toilet paper cross the road? It got stuck in a crack.What’s hot and pink and wet? A pig in a hot tubWhat do you call an Italian hooker? A pasta-tuteAnd many, many more! Don’t be afraid to crack up a little with Extremely Inappropriate Dad Jokes!
Eye Candy (Real Love #1)
by Jessica LemmonDon't trust lust at first sight. One woman chooses reality over fantasy in this friends-to-lovers romance, a steamy standalone by “an author to keep your eye on” (Katee Robert). Jacqueline: As an adult woman—and the vice president of a marketing firm—I shouldn’t be waiting by my office window to ogle the mystery man who jogs by every morning at 11:45. Sure, he’s a gorgeous, perfect specimen of the human race, but I can’t bring myself to hit on a total stranger. However, my best friend–slash–colleague Vince Carson thinks I should do more than talk to the guy. In fact, he’s borderline obsessive about “getting me laid.” (His words.) But the more time we spend together, the more it’s clear: The one I’m falling for is Vince. Vince: Jackie Butler’s got it bad for some pompous, over-pumped A-hole who struts his stuff past her window. That doesn’t bother me. I know she deserves nice things. What does bother me is that she friend-zoned me big-time last year, so I can’t ask her out myself. But what if I set her up with Mr. Steroids? Then, when he breaks her heart, I can swoop in and save her like the nice guy I am. Everything’s going according to plan . . . until we share a ridiculously epic kiss. And suddenly anything is possible.Look for Jessica Lemmon’s standalone romances with heartfelt HEAs:FIGHTING FOR DEVLIN | FORGOTTEN PROMISES | SHUT UP AND KISS ME | EYE CANDY | ARM CANDYAdvance praise for Eye Candy“Such a cute romance between Jackie and Vince. A friends-turned-lovers story . . . I really enjoyed this one. Can’t wait to read book two, Arm Candy. I’m hoping [in that] one Davis will find love. I would recommend this one to my romance book friends.”—Island of Reading “Eye Candy was a very realistic, cute story. I enjoyed the writing, the characters and real-life issues between the two main characters. Phenomenal read.”—Nay’s Pink Bookshelf (five stars) “I liked this book, I loved Vince.”—A Crazy Vermonter’s Book Reviews“Sweet and sexy and oh so fun, Jessica Lemmon’s Eye Candy had me laughing out loud and swooning all at the same time.”—New York Times bestselling author Tracy Wolff“Lemmon does it again! A smart, sexy rom-com with heart.”—Kate Meader, author of the Hot in Chicago series“Truly the perfect romantic comedy—the banter made me grin, the sexual tension had me breathless, and the perfect happy ending left me smiling long after the book was done.”—New York Times bestselling author Lauren Layne“This book had a very Christina Lauren feel to it. Very witty, sexy, and kept me wanting more with every page. I absolutely loved it.”—Sidney Halston, USA Today bestselling author of the Worth the Fight series“Hilarious, sweet, and sexy! Eye Candy is a book that will leave you smiling and happy!”—Sarah Robinson, author of the Kavanagh Legends series This standalone novel includes an excerpt from another Loveswept title.
Eye in the Sky (Little Golden Book)
by Apple JordanKion and his animal friends are ready for anything in this Little Golden Book based on an episode of Disney Junior&’s hit new show The Lion Guard. Boys and girls ages 2 to 5 will enjoy hearing about their awesome adventures in the Pride Lands!
Eye of the Sh*t Storm (The Frost Files #3)
by Jackson FordFull of imagination, wit, and random sh*t flying through the air, "Alias meets X-Men" in this insane new Frost Files adventure that will blow your tiny mind (Maria Lewis).Teagan Frost might be getting better at moving sh*t with her mind - but her job working as a telekinetic government operative only ever seems to get harder. That's not even talking about her car-crash of a love life . . .And things are about to get even tougher. No sooner has Teagan chased off one psychotic kid hell-bent on trashing the whole West Coast, but now she has to contend with another supernatural being who can harness devastating electrical power. And if Teagan can't stop him, the whole of Los Angeles will be facing the sh*tstorm of the century . . .&“An un-put-down-able, action-packed adventure that packs an emotional punch&” (Kirkus).For more from Jackson Ford, check out:The Girl Who Could Move Sh*t With Her MindRandom Sh*t Flying Through the AirEye of the Sh*t Storm
Eye of the Taika: New Zealand Comedy and the Films of Taika Waititi (Contemporary Approaches to Film and Media Series)
by Matthew BannisterEye of the Taika: New Zealand Comedy and the Films of Taika Waititi is the first book-length study of comic film director and media celebrity Taika Waititi. Author Matthew Bannister analyses Waititi’s feature films and places his other works and performances—short films, TV series, advertisements, music videos, and media appearances—in the fabric of popular culture. The book’s thesis is that Waititi’s playful comic style draws on an ironic reading of NZ identity as Antipodean camp, a style which reflects NZ’s historic status as colonial underdog. The first four chapters of Eye of the Taika explore Waititi’s early life and career, the history of New Zealand and its film industry, the history of local comedy and its undervaluation in favor of more "serious" art, and ethnicity in New Zealand comedy. Bannister then focuses on Waititi’s films, beginning with Eagle vs Shark (2007) and its place in "New Geek Cinema," despite being an outsider even in this realm. Bannister uses Boy (2010) to address the "comedian comedy," arguing that Waititi is a comedic entertainer before being a director. With What We Do in The Shadows (2014), Bannister explores Waititi’s use of the vampire as the archetypal immigrant struggling to fit into mainstream society, under the guise of a mockumentary. Waititi’s Hunt for the Wilderpeople (2016), Bannister argues, is a family-friendly, rural-based romp that plays on and ironizes aspects of Aotearoa/New Zealand identity. Thor: Ragnarok (2017) launched Waititi into the Hollywood realm, while introducing a Polynesian perspective on Western superhero ideology. Finally, Bannister addresses Jojo Rabbit (2019) as an "anti-hate satire" and questions its quality versus its topicality and timeliness in Hollywood. By viewing Waititi’s career and filmography as a series of pranks, Bannister identifies Waititi’s playful balance between dominant art worlds and emergent postcolonial innovations, New Zealand national identity and indigenous Aotearoan (and Jewish) roots, and masculinity and androgyny. Eye of the Taika is intended for film scholars and film lovers alike.
Eyeless in Gaza: A Novel
by Aldous HuxleyTold over more than thirty years, in non-chronological order, Eyeless in Gaza revolves around the lives of a small group of the English upper-middle classes, and is ultimately Aldous Huxley’s most personal—and loosely autobiographical—novel. It is the story of Anthony Beavis, a cynical Oxford graduate coming of age in the wake of World War I. Unfulfilled by his life, he is persuaded by a friend to find a new way to live, leading him from blind hedonism to political revolution and then to spiritual enlightenment.
Eyes
by William H. GassA dazzling new collection--two novellas and four short stories from one of the most revered writers of our time, author of seven books of fiction, among them The Tunnel ("An extraordinary achievement"--Michael Dirda, The Washington Post); Middle C ("Exhilaratingly ingenious"--Cynthia Ozick, The New York Times Book Review, cover); and Cartesian Sonata ("The finest prose stylist in America"--The Washington Post). It begins with "In Camera," the first of the two novellas, and tells the story, which grows darker and dustier by the speck, of a Mr. Gab (who doesn't have the gift) and his photography shop (in a part of town so drab even robbers wouldn't visit), a shop stuffed with gray-white, gray-bleach photographs, each in its own cellophane sheet, loosely side-filed in cardboard boxes, tag attached . . . an inner sanctum where little happens beyond the fulsome, deep reverence for Mr. Gab's images and vast collection, a homemade museum in the midst of the outer maelstrom . . . until a Mr. Stu (as in u-stew-pid) enters the shop, inspecting the extraordinary collection, and Mr. Gab's treasure-filled, dust-laden, meticulously contained universe begins to implode . . . In the story "Don't Even Try, Sam," the upright piano from the 1942 Warner Bros. classic Casablanca is interviewed ("I know why you want to talk to me," the piano says. "It's because everybody else is dead. Stars go out. Directors die. Companies fold. But some of the props get preserved. I've seen my friend the Vichy water bottle in the storeroom as wrapped up as the Maltese Falcon. We'd fetch a price now") . . . In another story, "Charity," a young lawyer, whose business it is to keep hospital equipment honestly produced, offers a simple gift and is brought to the ambiguous heart of charity itself. In "Soliloquy for a Chair," a folding chair does just that--talks in a barbershop that is ultimately bombed . . . and in "The Toy Chest," Disneylike creatures take on human roles and concerns and live in an atmosphere of a child's imagination.An enchanting Gassian journey; a glorious fantasia; a virtuoso delight.From the Hardcover edition.
F
by Daniel Kehlmann Carol JanewayF is for family. F is for fortune. F is for fraud. F is for fate. From the internationally acclaimed author of Measuring the World, here is a dazzling tragicomedy about three brothers whose father takes on the occult and both wins and loses. Arthur is a dilettante, a wannabe writer who decides to fill an afternoon by taking his three young sons to a performance by the Great Lindemann, Master of Hypnosis. While allowing one of them to be called onto the stage and made a spectacle of, Arthur declares himself to be immune to hypnosis and a disbeliever in all magic. But the Great Lindemann knows better. He gets Arthur to tell him his deepest secrets and then tells him to make them real. That night, Arthur empties the family bank account, takes his passport, and vanishes. He's going to become a world-famous author, a master of the mystical. (F is for fake.) But what of the boys? Martin, painfully shy, grows up to be a Catholic priest without a vocation. (F is for faith, and lack of it.) Eric becomes a financier (F is for fraud), losing touch with reality as he faces ruin, while Ivan, destined for glory as a painter, instead becomes a forger. (F is for forgery, too.) They've settled into their life choices, but when the summer of the global financial crisis dawns they're thrown together again with cataclysmic results. Wildly funny, heartbreaking, tragic, Daniel Kehlmann's novel about truth, family, and the terrible power of fortune is a fictional triumph.From the Hardcover edition.
F My Life World Tour: Life's Crappiest Moments from Around the Globe
by Maxime Valette Guillaume Passaglia Didier GuedjPainfully awkward. Hilariously honest. Best of all, it happened to someone else. It’s a fact of life: No matter how lame, embarrassing, or downright crappy your day has been, someone else, somewhere on earth, has had it worse. F My Life World Tour collects the best of life’s most horrible moments, shared by people around the globe on the phenomenally popular FMyLife. com, which now gets more than 2 million hits per day, from Italy to Indonesia and Pakistan to Peru. If you’ve ever said “F my life,” get ready to feel a little better—at someone else’s expense. Includes never-before-seen entries submitted to FMyLife. com .
F My Life: It's Funny, It's True, Except When It Happens to You
by Maxime Valette Guillaume Passaglia Didier Guedj MissbeanToday, my boss fired me via text message. I don't have a text messaging plan. I paid 25 cents to get fired.Your girlfriend dumped you, your car broke down, your boss passed you up for the big promotion. Life's not fair, but there is one sure-fire way to ease your pain-laughing at someone else who had an even worse day than you did. Enter the devastatingly funny world of F My Life, where calamity is comedy. Covering every disastrous pratfall in love, work, family-life, and more, F My Life proffers other people's ruinous, real-life happenings to brighten your gloomiest day: someone getting dumped through a greeting card, ignored at their birthday party, or insulted by their own grandmother. Spanning everything from ironic twists of fate to down-right shameful moments, F My Life's squirm-inducing stories are schadenfreude at its finest. So today, take solace in knowing that at least you're not that guy. There now, don't you feel better?Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. I cried and told him that I loved him. He gave me a quarter and told me to call someone who cared. I threw the quarter in his face and ran. I waited for the bus, but when I got on, I realized I was 25 cents short of the fare. I walked home in the rain. Today, my mom walked in on me looking at a 1978 Playboy. She asked if I found it in the basement. I said yes. Then I realized she was the centerfold. Today, I got in line at the grocery store. The woman in front of me looked right at me, turned to her friend, and said "That reminds me, I forgot to get acne cream."From the Trade Paperback edition.
F This Test: Even More of the Very Best Totally Wrong Test Answers (F in Exams)
by Richard BensonNew York Times–Bestselling Series: A collection of laugh-out-loud incorrect test answers showcasing the brilliance of stumped students.From the author of the bestselling F in Exams, and F for Effort comes this all-new collection of inventively wrong—yet totally real—test responses by students who don’t know the answer, but come up with something better instead. Featuring crucial academic subjects including English (Q: Name a key theme in Madame Bovary; A: Cows), Geography (Q: Where can you find the Andes?; A: Google Earth), Science (Q: Describe the properties of a meteor; A: An animal that only eats meat) and more, F this Test rounds out the curriculum with an extra-credit section for those tricky elective courses, and demonstrates that it’s more fun to laugh when faced with an absolute fail.
F U Haiku
by Perry Taylor Beth QuinlanEnough already. The Mary Sunshine act has got to go. The economy sucks, unemployment has reached an all-time high, and the ozone is beyond repair. But when all feels futile, there's this hilarious compilation of 200-plus rants that give you permission to ditch the rose-colored glasses and have a satisfying laugh at the expense of those who piss you off. From spiteful sex and workplace BS to road rage and famous F Us, you'll find humorous verbal bitch-slaps to any and all of life's most annoying and abusive moments.Think of it as therapy, with an edge.
F U Haiku
by Perry Taylor Beth QuinlanEnough already. The Mary Sunshine act has got to go. The economy sucks, unemployment has reached an all-time high, and the ozone is beyond repair. But when all feels futile, there’s this hilarious compilation of 200-plus rants that give you permission to ditch the rose-colored glasses and have a satisfying laugh at the expense of those who piss you off.From spiteful sex and workplace BS to road rage and famous F Us, you’ll find humorous verbal bitch-slaps to any and all of life’s most annoying and abusive moments.Think of it as therapy, with an edge.
F for Effort: More of the Very Best Totally Wrong Test Answers
by Richard BensonFrom the author of the national bestseller F in Exams comes a brand new compendium of hilarious and inventive wrong test answers and homework hiccups. Featuring gems from elementary school ("two halves make a whale"), middle grades (Q: What does "germinate" mean? A: To become a German citizen), and high school (Q: Fossil fuels are usually associated with which major type of rock? A: Classic rock), these 250 examples of creative invention are sure to charm anyone who has had to bluff or blunder their way through a test.